50 corny dad jokes that are all full groan

corny-dad-jokesDo you enjoy corny dad jokes, dear reader? Those that make you groan but also have a way of making us smile too.

Well, today I’ve got 50 dad jokes which I hope you’ll enjoy.

I’m confident that there’s enough here to raise a smile or two.

So, enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Corny Dad Jokes (1-10):

  1. I can’t stop binge-watching fishing shows. I’m just hooked on reel life.
  2. Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants is a wife who told him which pants to wear.
  3. I heard a story this morning about a chameleon that couldn’t change colour. Apparently, it had reptile dysfunction.
  4. Why do people use a big word when a diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the task admirably?
  5. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. Apparently, he acquired his size from too much pi.
  6. BREAKING NEWS: A nine-year-old girl has disappeared after using her mother’s moisturizer which makes you look 10 years younger.
  7. At the boss’s funeral, a disgruntled employee walked up close to the casket and whispered, “So, who’s thinking outside the box now, Mr Whitaker?”
  8. In Jamaica, a steak pie will cost you around $4. In Trinidad and Barbados, similar pies will cost you around $3. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  9. I was shocked when my son started chewing electrical cables, so I grounded him. That seems to have worked because currently, he’s conducting himself properly.
  10. In a Catholic convent school, children were lining up in the cafeteria for lunch. There was a large pile of apples at the head of the table. A note above the pile read, “Take only ONE! God is watching you.” At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies on a tray. Above this pile, some joker had placed his owned handwritten note, which read, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Corny Dad Jokes (11-20):

  1. I’ve just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit. It was a Lamb Bikini.
  2. I had a job working as an elevator operator but I quit. There were just too many ups and downs.
  3. My ambition was to be a Hollywood lighting director but it turns out that I wasn’t bright enough.
  4. I’ve just had my pet frog’s DNA tested. The result suggests he’s part English, part German and a tad Pole.
  5. I tried growing blueberries and raspberries in the snow but it proved to be a completely fruitless endeavour.
  6. My boss asked me why I only ever get sick on workdays. I explained to him that I had a weekend immune system.
  7. How do you tell the gender of an ant? Simple! Drop it in water and if it sinks, then it’s girl ant. And if it floats, it’s boy ant.
  8. I’ve just heard that in Memphis there’s a new line of Elvis-themed steakhouses. Apparently, they’re aimed at people who love meat tender.
  9. My dad told me that I must work until my bank balance looks like a phone number. Well, this morning I finally got there. My current balance is $911.
  10. A wife was so mad with her husband that she packed his bags and told him to get out. “I hope your life is miserable and I hope you die a long, slow, painful death,” she said. “Make up your mind,” he responded. “Should I stay or should I go?”

Corny Dad Jokes (21-30):

  1. I had a date last night and I really enjoy it. Tonight I might try a fig.
  2. Why do the French eat snails? It’s because they don’t like fast food.
  3. If cannibals eat a missionary, will that give them a taste for religion?
  4. If a dog gives birth to puppies on the sidewalk, will it be cited for littering?
  5. You may know where the Big Apple is but do you know where Minneapolis?
  6. I’ve been playing silent tennis. It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
  7. When I arrived at the gates of the Drug Rehab Centre there was a sign that read, “Keep off the Grass.”
  8. The World Tongue Twister champion has been arrested. I’m sure he’ll be getting a very tough sentence.
  9. I hear that engineers have just made a car that runs on parsley. If only they could make a bus that runs on thyme.
  10. A young police officer named Philip was so good at his job that within a year or two he was voted Police Officer of the year. Naturally, he was thrilled that all his hard work had been recognized. However, very quickly he noticed that his colleagues, his family, his friends and even the preacher at his local church started asking him questions about life, relationships and so on. He started to feel a little awkward about this, given that he’d not had any special training that qualifies him to answer such questions. So he shared his concern with his wife, who smiled at him and said, “Honey, everyone in town knows you’re an award-winning Phil officer.

Corny Dad Jokes (31-40):

  1. Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He couldn’t resistor.
  2. I wish I could stop telling airport jokes but my doctor says it’s terminal.
  3. Did you hear the joke about margarine? On second thoughts, I’d butter not tell it.
  4. I told my wife I want to be cremated and she’s made an appointment for me next Friday.
  5. My wife told me I was getting fat. “Look, dear,” I said. “I can’t help it. I’ve had a lot on my plate lately.”
  6. We took our kids to the zoo last week. We’re going back at the weekend to see how well they’ve settled in.
  7. The Invisible Man married an invisible woman. I’m not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids weren’t much to look at either.
  8. When I see the names of young lovers carved in a tree, I’m always puzzled as to why anyone feels the need to take a knife on a date.
  9. A customer walks into a jewellery store and says, “I want to buy a watch, please.” The clerk smiles and says, “Certainly sir, analog? To which the customer replies, “No, just the watch please.”
  10. A snail walks into a Porsche dealership and buys a 911 Turbo. After finalizing all the options the snail says, “And I want a big letter S on the hood and one on each of the doors too, please.” The salesman looked at him, slightly puzzled and asked, “Why, when your name’s Bill?” The snail smiles in response and then says, “Because when I open her up on the freeway, I want everyone to say, Boy, look at that S-car go!”

Corny Dad Jokes (41-45):

  1. Is there a more terrifying moment than when you’re a guest in someone’s house and the toilet refuses to flush after your morning Number 2?
  2. The teacher asked her class to use the word symmetry in a sentence. First up was little Johnny and his response was, “When you die you’re buried in a symmetry.”
  3. I went into KFC with my young son and I asked the lady for a kid’s meal with a leg. “Which side?” she asked. Thinking momentarily, I then said, “Does it make any difference whether it’s the right or the left?” When she stopped laughing, she said, “No honey, which side would you like to go with the leg? Mashed potato or wedges?”
  4. Now I’ve been in many places over the years, but I’ve never been in cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I must admit, I’ve never been incognito either. It seems no one recognizes you there. However, I have been insane. They don’t have an airport. You have to be driven there. I’ve made several trips, so far.
  5. A court jester was forever making terrible puns which the king found increasingly irritating. He’d expressed his displeasure to the jester on a number of occasions but the terrible puns just kept on coming, so the king sentenced him to be hanged. On the evening of the day before the planned hanging, the King visited the jester in his cell and said that, if the jester promised to change his ways, he would be pardoned. “Oh thank you, your majesty,” said the jester. “No noose is good noose!” The jester was hung at sunrise.

Corny Dad Jokes (46-50):

  1. Corny Dad JokesThe principal from my son’s school phoned and said that he’s always being a nuisance in class. “He’s always being a nuisance at home too,” I responded. “But do I ever call you?”
  2. I asked my wife to help me put up some posts in the ground for our new fence. As I was holding a post in place, I gave her a sledgehammer and said, “When I nod my head, hit it.” After that, I don’t remember much.
  3. Whilst out walking my dog, I met a man in the park. During our conversation, he told me about his four new rescue chickens. He really made me smile when he told me he’d called them Hen Solo, Jabba the Cluck, Obi-Hen Kenobi and Princess layer.
  4. A piece of rope walked into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind!” The rope went outside, tied itself into a knot and then started fraying the edges. The rope then went back into the bar only for the bartender to say, “Weren’t you in here earlier?” The rope replied, “No! I’m a frayed knot.”
  5. Jane had been visiting her husband in jail. Before leaving she spoke with one of the correction officers and complained about how hard he was being worked. “He’s exhausted,” she said. The officer smiled and said, “Mam, you’ve got to be joking. He just eats, sleeps and stays in his cell all day.” Jane thinks momentarily and then says, “Well that can’t be right. He’s just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these corny dad jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

25 of the silliest jokes ever that’ll tickle your funny bone

silliest-jokes-everIf you like short, witty one-line jokes, dear reader, then today I offer you some of the silliest jokes ever.

Yes, they are corny but they’ll tickle your funny bone I’m sure. Children will enjoy them too.

So please feel free to share them all, but not before you’ve taken a few minutes to relax and have a laugh or two.

Silliest jokes ever (1-15):

  1. What type of trees do plumbers plant? Toiletries.
  2. How do horses propose? They go down on bended neigh.
  3. Who do you call if a parrot falls off his perch? Parrot-medics.
  4. Why did the monkey logon online? To send a chimpanzee-mail.
  5. What happens to ducks before they grow up? They grow down.
  6. Is it legal to marry a widow’s husband? No, because he’s dead.
  7. What would a monster choose to eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
  8. Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
  9. Why do bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in anoraks.
  10. What’s the definition of an arms race? An octopus running for a bus.
  11. Why are barbers, such good drivers? Because they know all the shortcuts.
  12. What’s a man’s idea of a romantic night out? A candlelit football stadium.
  13. Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.
  14. Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? She wanted to post a litter.
  15. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how it all works.

Silliest jokes ever (16-25):

  1. Why did the mathematician turn off his heating? So he could be cold and calculating.
  2. How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
  3. A neutron walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender responded, “For you, no charge!”
  4. What did the vampire say just before dawn, when he saw the neck of a sleeping man? “Aaahh, breakfast in bed!”
  5. What did Hamlet say when he went camping and lost his tent? “Tepee or not tepee? That is the question.”
  6. Two fleas are leaving a restaurant and one says to the other, “Should we walk or take a dog?”
  7. Did you hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic? His bark was worse than his bite.
  8. Two large, hungry lions were wandering around Walmart and one said to the other, “It’s quiet in here, isn’t it?”
  9. What’s the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist? One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
  10. A man walks into a bar carrying three wooden panels and four wooden posts. “You can’t bring those in here,” said the bartender. “They may cause a fence.”

Please share this post:

So, would you agree that these are some of the silliest jokes ever, dear reader? Did you enjoy them, and more importantly, did they make you laugh? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on some of the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

Funny PunsDo you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners just make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them and please share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-12):

  1. He who laughs last didn’t get it.
  2. Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
  3. Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
  4. Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
  5. Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
  6. I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  7. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
  8. Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
  9. Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
  10. I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
  11. What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
  12. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

  1. I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
  2. We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
  3. If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
  4. If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
  5. I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
  6. Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  7. If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
  8. I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
  9. My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
  10. I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
  11. The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
  12. It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

  1. If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
  2. The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
  3. In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
  4. I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
  5. If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
  6. When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  7. Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
  8. My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
  9. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
  10. At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
  11. Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
  12. The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
  13. ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.

Funny PunsPlease share this post:

So did these funny puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

33 Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up

funny-jokes-to-cheer-someone-upWe live in difficult times and we all face so many pressures. When our friends are down we try to lift their spirits. And for that, it helps if we have a few Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up.

Well today, I’ve curated another 33 gems just for you, dear reader.

At least I think they’re gems. So I hope they’ll make you laugh too. You might mind some of them a bit too corny but a few of them might just tickle you.

Enjoy them and don’t forget to share them too.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (1-11)

  1. Nothing tops plain pizza.
  2. A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
  3. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  4. Seven days of fasting will make one weak.
  5. What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi.
  6. I tried eating a clock but it was time-consuming.
  7. I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
  8. Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
  9. I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.
  10. Dead batteries cost nothing. They’re free of charge.
  11. The girl in the middle of the tennis court is Annette.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (12-22)

  1. Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?
  2. Cemetery raises prices and blames it on the cost of living.
  3. I will start collecting highlighting pens. Mark my words.
  4. I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
  5. My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.
  6. What does the pizza man use to cut his hair? Little Caesars.
  7. I pulled a muscle digging for gold. It was just a miner injury.
  8. What do you call a cow that can’t give milk? An udder failure.
  9. Water’s heavier than Butane because Butane is a Lighter fluid.
  10. When a wolf is taught to meditate, does it become aware wolf?
  11. I started an online bakery but I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (23-33)

  1. funny-jokes-to-cheer-someone-upLego store re-opens after lockdown. People stand in line for blocks.
  2. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
  3. My daughter wants to study burrowing rodents. I told her to gopher it.
  4. I’m reading a book called “Quick Money for Dummies” by Robin Banks.
  5. I wanted a career as a fisherman, but I couldn’t live on the net income.
  6. If you wear a facemask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.
  7. Beauty School student misses classes. She’s forced to make up the makeup test.
  8. If two meth-heads start a relationship are they “speed dating” or just “mething around”.
  9. My wife said she’d leave me if I made up any more puns about The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face …..
  10. DOCTOR: Nurse, what’s the status on the boy who swallowed a coin? NURSE: Still no change, Doctor.
  11. Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to find your X. She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

25 witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up

jokes-to-cheer-someone-upToday I offer you 25 witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up. If you know someone in serious need of a smile or two then some of these might just make them laugh.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and then pick the best ones and see if you can get a good laugh from your friends.

Even if it’s only a groan you get in return, it will probably lift peoples’ spirits, at the very least.

Jokes to cheer someone up: (1 – 12)

  1. If at first you don’t succeed then don’t try skydiving.
  2. If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
  3. I never like taking selfies of myself in the shower. The photos turn out blurry and I have selfie steam issues.
  4. You should keep your voice down in cornfields because there are so many ears.
  5. I used to be a watchmaker. I loved the job because I made my own hours.
  6. If your guy doesn’t like fresh fruit puns, let the mango.
  7. I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn’t work.
  8. Will glass coffins ever be popular? Remains to be seen.
  9. I tried the Vegan diet for a week but it was a huge miss steak.
  10. Apparently you can’t use BEEFSTEW as a password because it’s not Stroganoff.
  11. I was listening to classical music on the television but it wasn’t to my taste. Far too much sax and violins.
  12. Did you hear about the watchmaker who became a gardener? He ended up with too much thyme on his hands.

Jokes to cheer someone up: (13 – 25)

  1. I made a movie about diarrhoea. It’s been released everywhere.
  2. Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were all in the same bar. They didn’t planet that way.
  3. You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish. Unless you play bass, then you can play all the scales.
  4. So many people are anti-vaccination but I think they should give it a shot.
  5. I saw an advert in the newspaper for burial plots. I thought that’s the last thing I need.
  6. My girlfriend bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a car from spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
  7. I went to Mount Rushmore and I was probably the only visitor unimpressed. I just took it for granite.
  8. Can someone recommend a better way of clearing frost from my windshield? I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
  9. My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl. “I didn’t know he could!” was my reply.
  10. A man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun. I was told that he’s fully recovered now.
  11. My wife’s in hospital after eating a daffodil bulb. She’ll be out in the spring.
  12. Lance is no longer a common name but in medieval times, men were named Lance a lot.
  13. There’s a new GPS device designed for seniors. It tells you how to get where you want to go and then reminds you why you wanted to go there.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

15 corny jokes you can tell your kids and your friends

Corny JokesDo you enjoy corny jokes, dear reader? Well, I do and whenever I hear them, I make a note of them in my journal. Today I thought I share a few of them with you.

Here are 15 corny jokes, which I hope will make you smile. If they don’t make you smile then I’m sure a few of them will appeal to the kids in your life, and your friends too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and share them with your kids and/or your friends.

Corny Jokes:

  1. For what was Camelot famous? Its knight life.
  2. What was Noah’s profession? He was an ark-itect.
  3. How did the yeti feel when he had flu? Abominable.
  4. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
  5. A skeleton walks into a bar in Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
  6. What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken? Pooched eggs.
  7. Which cake lives in a cathedral in Paris? The flapjack of Notre Dame.
  8. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a plumber? A drain in the neck.
  9. What do you get if you cross a chicken with some cement? A bricklayer.
  10. Why are eggs overrated? Because they’re not all they’re cracked up to be.
  11. What’s the difference between a dog with fleas and a bored guest? One’s going to itch and the other’s itching to go.
  12. What’s the difference between a football and a duck? You’ll find one in a huddle and the other in a puddle.
  13. Which cake is served in Heaven? Angel cake.
  14. What game does a wizard octopus love to play? Squidditch.
  15. What did the lovesick cyclops say to his sweetheart? You’re the one-eye adore.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these corny jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media. Share these jokes with the kids in your life too.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.