Now do you fancy a bit of a laugh?
Would you like something to make you smile?
You’d love a laugh but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything too long?
Well fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.
So today i offer you 21 witty one liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.
They all made me smile and I’m confident that at least a few of them will brighten your day too.
If you enjoy a laugh which is concise and razor-sharp then this collection of witty one liners is just for you dear reader.
So go on, take a minute or two and have a laugh right now. Please enjoy them all.
Witty One Liners:
- I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
- If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.” ~Ian Smith
- Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
- As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
- I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
- I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
- I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
- Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
- One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once’. ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
- My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
- If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
- People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
- My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought: ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be’. ~Paul McCaffrey
- It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
- I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’. ~Paddy Lennox
- Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him’. ~Carey Marx
What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed ~Josie Long
- I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
- Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
- Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski
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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.
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