21 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

witty one-linersNow, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today I offer you 21 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

Witty One-Liners:

  1. I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
  2. If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. ~Ian Smith
  3. Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
  4. As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
  5. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  6. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  7. I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  8. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
  9. Funny Quotes
  10. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
  11. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, Ah well, you only live once. ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  12. My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
  13. If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
  14. People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
  15. My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought: Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be? ~Paul McCaffrey
  16. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
  17. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
  18. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
  19. What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, Two or three. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed ~Josie Long
  20. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  21. Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
  22. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski

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