30 brilliant one-liner quotes that’ll make you smile

brilliant one-liner quotesI shared some brilliant one-liner quotes recently and the feedback from readers was very positive.

In fact, the feedback was so positive that I thought I’d share some more with you.

So here’s another batch from the collection in my journal.

I’m confident that this batch of brilliant one-liner quotes will have you smiling. So please take a few minutes to enjoy them all. And of course, have a great day.

And don’t forget to pass them on.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (1-10):

  1. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
  2. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  3. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
  4. Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
  5. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  8. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  9. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
  10. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which we’ll die.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (11-20):

  1. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  2. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
  3. Her silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
  4. Money’s not important but it’s up there with oxygen for sustaining life.
  5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  6. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
  7. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give someone is a good, firm push.
  8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
  9. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  10. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (21-30):

  1. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  2. To err is human; to blame it on somebody else shows you have a talent for politics.
  3. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
  4. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
  5. Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are even stupider than that.
  6. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  7. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  8. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  9. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
  10. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

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If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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