21 thought-provoking quotes about sex

Quotes About SexFew subjects can be more controversial than sex, wouldn’t you agree dear reader?

Increasingly less so nowadays possibly, but even today sex is guaranteed to attract peoples’ attention and get them talking.

And everyone has a different opinion as to what is right and wrong when it comes to the subject of sex.

Let’s not forget that sex is a useful marketing tool for anyone seeking to sell almost anything. As the old business saying goes, “Sex sells!”

The truth is we’re all fascinated by sex and we’re driven by a need for sex. The instinct for procreation is within us all.

Men and women may look at sex differently but Nature has programmed us all with the urge to procreate.

We all have needs in that direction. Men just need the opportunity to be ready for sex, whilst women above all need to feel secure.

Nevertheless, given favourable circumstances, both men and women are capable of enjoying sex. This is reasonable given that it is, after all, quite natural, isn’t it?

However, the obvious question for me is, “Can there be anything more absurd than two people uncontrollably engaged in the act of sex?” It’s as if God has played a joke on us all. What do you think?

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about sex to help you form an opinion if you haven’t got one already.

Quotes about sex (1-11):

  1. Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West
  2. Sex is God’s joke on human beings. ~Bette Davis
  3. I would rather have a cup of tea than sex. ~Boy George
  4. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~Billy Crystal
  5. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good. ~Woody Allen
  6. Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. ~Andy Warhol
  7. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~Brendan Behan
  8. Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. ~Oscar Wilde
  9. Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. ~Deepak Chopra
  10. Everything is about sex and that’s fine for me. I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I don’t think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there’s just no innocence left. ~Ellen DeGeneres
  11. There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain. ~Audrey Hepburn 

Quotes about sex (12-21):

  1. Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  2. Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature. ~Marilyn Monroe
  3. An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex. ~Aldous Huxley
  4. I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ~Erma Bombeck
  5. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Sex appeal is fifty per cent what you’ve got and fifty per cent what people think you’ve got. ~Sophia Loren
  7. To me, it’s not the end of the world if I end up not being with someone. I love romance. I love sex. I love men’s company, but I don’t feel I have to be married. Men are a wonderful part of life, like chocolate. But my life goes on whether they’re there or not. ~Jerry Hall
  8. In my day we didn’t have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television. ~Victoria Wood
  9. I don’t know what sex appeal is. I don’t think you can have sex appeal knowingly. The people who seduce me personally are the people who seem not to know they’re seductive, and not to know they have sex appeal. ~Omar Sharif
  10. AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide or murder. ~Susan Sontag

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15 exceptional quotes to get you thinking

Exceptional QuotesToday I have some of what I consider to be exceptional quotes just for you, dear reader. These are quotes that I’m confident will make you think.

Quotes are always inspiring and thought-provoking, so take a few moments to appreciate them all.

And please pass them on.

Exceptional Quotes:

  1. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins. ~Benjamin Franklin
  2. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. So remember: great achievements take time, there is no overnight success. ~Leo Tolstoy
  3. If you are going to succeed then you have to do what you do exceptionally well. In other words, better than everyone else. ~Roy Sutton
  4. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. ~Albert Einstein
  5. The bad news is that time flies. The good news is that you are the pilot. ~Michael Althsuler
  6. You would not worry over what people think about you, did you but realise how rarely they do. ~Augustine Teasdale
  7. What will matter in the end is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave; not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is not your competence but your character. ~Michael Josephson
  8. You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. ~R. Tagore
  9. Quotes about Quotations Page 2
  10. You are afraid to die, and you’re afraid to live. What a way to exist. ~Neale Donald Walsch
  11. The capacity to care is what gives life its most deepest significance. ~Pablo Casals
  12. Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work. ~William Arthur Ward
  13. When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too. ~Paulo Coelho
  14. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ~Thomas Edison
  15. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ~Albert Einstein
  16. Knowing what you want will make you happy. But knowing what you are good at will make you successful. ~Rob Yeung

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21 Quotes about goals in life to inspire you

Quotes about Goals in LifeIf you’re looking for some quotes about goals in life to inspire you then look no further, dear reader. There are some great quotes here today.

Having goals matters.

If you don’t have something at which to aim, then you’re sure to miss every time.

So, decide what it is that you really want to achieve; decide what actions you’ll need to take to achieve it, and then set some challenging goals.

Work towards specific goals and you’ll go from being ordinary to being extraordinary.

So set some goals now, but not before you’ve been inspired by all these great quotes that I’ve curated for you today. Enjoy them all.

Quotes about goals in life (1-15):

  1. If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. ~Zig Ziglar
  2. Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there. ~Bo Jackson
  3. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. ~Lao Tzu
  4. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~CS Lewis
  5. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. ~Les Brown
  6. Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. ~Tony Robbins
  7. One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals. ~Michael Korda
  8. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford
  9. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. ~Lawrence J. Peter
  10. I don’t focus on what I’m up against. I focus on my goals and I try to ignore the rest. ~Venus Williams
  11. A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at. ~Bruce Lee
  12. The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. ~Bill Copeland
  13. You must take action now that will move you towards your goals. Develop a sense of urgency in your life. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  14. If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals. ~Lou Holtz
  15. The great danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark. ~Michelangelo

Quotes about goals in life (16-21):

  1. The game has its ups and downs, but you can never lose focus of your individual goals and you can’t let yourself be beaten because of a lack of effort. ~Michael Jordan
  2. Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it. Never quit. ~Bear Bryant
  3. Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. ~Pablo Picasso
  4. When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. Confucius Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  5. Everyone has a purpose in life and a unique talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals. ~Kallam Anji Reddy
  6. Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps, they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. ~Jack Canfield

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25 contenders for the best one-liners of all time

best one-liners of all timeDo you enjoy a witty one-liner, dear reader? Well, I’ve been searching for some of the contenders for the best one-liners of all time.

Today I’ve put together a batch of 25 which I hope you’ll enjoy.

They all made me smile and I hope they’ll make you smile too.

So take a moment to enjoy them and then please pass them on.

Best one-liners of all time (1-15):

  1. I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see.
  2. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  3. Becoming a vegan is a big missed steak.
  4. My boss said, have a good day. So I went home.
  5. A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  6. For maximum attention, nothing beats saying something stupid.
  7. I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
  8. Why is it that everyone seems normal until you get to know them?
  9. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
  10. The importance of teamwork is there’s always someone else to blame.
  11. We must support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  12. One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.
  13. Why do we refer to the day we do all our household chores as a day off?
  14. The other man’s grass may be greener but at least you don’t have to mow it.
  15. If we’re not supposed to eat at night, why’s there a light in the refrigerator?

Best one-liners of all time (16-25):

  1. Wise people learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us are the others.
  2. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realising that the other person’s an idiot.
  3. An optimist believes that the world couldn’t be better. A pessimist is afraid that might be true.
  4. It’s funny when someone says we need to talk, and what they really mean is you need to listen.
  5. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking.
  6. Living in the 21st century is a bizarre experience. Our priority now is deleting history rather than making it.
  7. Life’s all about perspective. For instance, the sinking of the Titanic seemed like a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
  8. We all live by the 50-50-90 rule. Anytime we have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability that we’ll get it wrong.
  9. My boss asked whether it was me or him that was stupid. I responded diplomatically that everyone knows that he has a reputation for never hiring stupid people.
  10. Before I criticize anyone, I always walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when I’ve criticized them, I’m a mile away and they can’t chase me because I’ve got their shoes.

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Amusing QuotesSo dear reader, are the witticisms on offer today some contenders for the best one-liners of all time?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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101 Quotes on self-improvement to inspire you

Quotes on Self-ImprovementIn seeking quotes on self-improvement, perhaps you’re looking for a better life.

Well, life doesn’t have to be as it is now. It can be something much closer to what you’d like it to be. And with a little effort on your part, you can make it happen.

Remember you’re not defined by your past. That serves only as a series of lessons. The future is yours to create and it all starts with self-improvement.

Self-improvement is just a process whereby you decide what it is you want; you decide what skills you’ll need to develop in order to get what you want; you work out how you can get those skills, and then you set some goals and start improving the quality of your life and that of your loved ones.

It can be done. People do it all the time. And so can you.

Learn more and you’ll earn more.

You’ll need a little inspiration to motivate you and keep you going. Motivational quotes are useful because they help you acquire ideas on getting started and they’re beneficial in helping you realize your dreams and goals.

So here are 101 quotes on self-improvement to inspire you and propel you along the road to make your dreams a reality.

Enjoy them all and please share them with your friends.

Quotes on self-improvement (1-20):

  1. Let us cultivate our garden. ~Voltaire
  2. If you can dream it, you can do it. ~Walt Disney
  3. Good things happen to those who hustle. ~Chuck Noll
  4. You will never win if you never begin. ~Helen Rowland
  5. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door. ~Milton Berle
  6. If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time. ~Zig Ziglar
  7. All things are difficult before they are easy. ~Thomas Fuller
  8. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Mark Twain
  9. Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. ~Jim Rohn
  10. He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior. ~Confucius
  11. You just can’t beat the person who never gives up. ~Babe Ruth
  12. Believe you can and you’re halfway there. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  13. Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there. ~Bo Jackson
  14. Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. ~Carol Burnett
  15. It is never too late to be what you might have been. ~George Eliot
  16. You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind. ~Joyce Meyer
  17. My purpose: to lift your spirit and to motivate you. ~Mavis Staples
  18. The dreaming has to be backed up by the doing. ~Carrie Wilkerson
  19. Problems are not Stop Signs, they are guidelines. ~Robert H. Schuller
  20. The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. ~Harry Golden

101 Quotes on self-improvement to inspire you

Quotes on self-improvement (21-40):

  1. Nothing will work unless you do. ~Maya Angelou
  2. The only journey is the one within. ~Rainer Maria Rilke
  3. Either you run the day or the day runs you. ~Jim Rohn
  4. You don’t have to get it right the first time. ~Barbara Sher
  5. Life has no limitations, except the ones you make. ~Les Brown
  6. Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds. ~Gordon B. Hinckley
  7. Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star. ~W. Clement Stone
  8. The few who do are the envy of the many who only watch. ~Jim Rohn
  9. If you’re not doing what you love, you’re wasting your time. ~Zig Ziglar
  10. There is no such thing as failure. There are only results. ~Tony Robbins
  11. If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree. ~Jim Rohn
  12. Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality. ~Les Brown
  13. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. ~Arthur Ashe
  14. The time is now. Stop hitting the snooze button on your life. ~Mel Robbins
  15. We will always tend to fulfil our own expectations of ourselves. ~Brian Tracy
  16. In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. ~Nikos Kazantzakis
  17. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you don’t stop. ~Confucius
  18. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. ~Charles R. Swindoll
  19. A barrier is a limitation only when you perceive it as one. ~Stephen Richards
  20. When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let go. ~Carol Burnett

101 Quotes on self-improvement to inspire you

Quotes on self-improvement (41-55):

  1. The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist. ~Zig Ziglar
  2. Getting in touch with your true self must be your first priority. ~Tom Hopkins
  3. Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears. ~Les Brown
  4. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. ~Zig Ziglar
  5. The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  6. Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practised every day. ~Jim Rohn
  7. Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. ~Tony Robbins
  8. I never see failure as failure, but only as the game I must play and win. ~Tom Hopkins
  9. Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other. ~Walter Elliot
  10. The difference between being mediocre and achieving excellence is you. ~Stephen Richards
  11. Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement. ~Anthony J. D’Angelo
  12. The will to succeed is important, but what’s more important is the will to prepare. ~Bobby Knight
  13. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been. ~TD Jakes
  14. How dare you settle for less when the world has made it so easy for you to be remarkable? ~Seth Godin
  15. You are essentially who you create yourself to be, and all that occurs in your life is the result of your own making. ~Stephen Richards

101 Quotes on self-improvement to inspire you

Quotes on self-improvement (56-70):

  1. Opportunity does not knock it presents itself when you beat down the door. ~Kyle Chandler
  2. Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. ~Anonymous
  3. When you play it too safe, you’re taking the biggest risk of your life. Time is the only wealth we’re given. ~Barbara Sher
  4. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett
  5. Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work. ~H. L. Hunt
  6. You simply have to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Put blinders on and plough right ahead. ~George Lucas
  7. Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. ~Tony Robbins
  8. I’ve found that luck is quite predictable. If you want more luck, take more chances. Be more active. Show up more often. ~Brian Tracy
  9. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  10. Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay. ~Simone de Beauvoir
  11. A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success. ~Joyce Brothers
  12. If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes. ~John Wooden
  13. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. ~William James
  14. I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. ~Jimmy Dean
  15. Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. ~Vince Lombardi

quotes on self-improvement

Quotes on self-improvement (71-85):

  1. Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
  2. There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self. ~Aldous Huxley
  3. I hated every minute of training, but I said, ‘Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.’ ~Muhammad Ali
  4. Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. ~Martin Luther
  5. Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start. ~Nido Qubein
  6. Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret to success. ~Swami Sivananda
  7. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  8. Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize them. ~Ann Landers
  9. Nothing ever comes to one that is worth having, except as a result of hard work. ~Booker T. Washington
  10. Formal education will make you a living; self-education will make you a fortune. ~Jim Rohn
  11. Become addicted to constant and never-ending self-improvement. ~Anthony J. D’Angelo
  12. The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become. ~Jim Rohn
  13. Outstanding people have one thing in common: An absolute sense of mission. ~Zig Ziglar
  14. It doesn’t matter where you are coming from. All that matters is where you are going. ~Brian Tracy
  15. If there is one lesson I’ve learned from failure and success, it’s this. I am not the outcome. I am never the result. I am only the effort. ~Kamal Ravikant

quotes on self-improvement

Quotes on self-improvement (86-95):

  1. You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight. ~Jim Rohn
  2. Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong. ~Ella Fitzgerald
  3. If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success. ~John D. Rockefeller
  4. Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time. ~Jim Rohn
  5. It is not as much about who you used to be, as it is about who you choose to be. ~Sanhita Baruah
  6. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. ~Jim Rohn
  7. If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride – and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high but so are the rewards. ~Bear Bryant
  8. My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humour, and some style. ~Maya Angelou
  9. No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you’ve come from, you can always change, and become a better version of yourself. ~Madonna
  10. We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment. ~Jim Rohn

101 Quotes on self-improvement to inspire you

Quotes on self-improvement (96-101):

  1. If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you’ll achieve the same results. ~Tony Robbins
  2. Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning are where the miracle process all begins. ~Jim Rohn
  3. Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new. ~Brian Tracy
  4. You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. ~Jim Rohn
  5. Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new. ~Brian Tracy
  6. You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort and money into training, grooming, and encouraging your greatest asset. ~Tom Hopkins

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7 quotes about technology and why we must control it

quotes about technologyI must say, I love gadgets and I’m a big fan of technology generally.

However, if we’re not careful, technology intended to make our lives easier and more efficient can have the opposite effect.

Dear reader, how often are you about to do something but you then think, “Oh, before I do that I’ll just check Facebook?

Half an hour later and you’ve forgotten what it was you were about to do in the first place. Now be honest, can you relate to that experience?

Harness technology by all means and use all the benefits it offers.

However, we shouldn’t let it control our lives. We shouldn’t allow it to be a substitute for real-life either.

And of course, the use of technology can never replace intelligent thought.

Technology can help us achieve our aims but it can also prevent us from achieving our aims too if we’re not careful. So my underlying message to you today dear reader is, to enjoy technology in all its forms but stay in control.

Here are seven quotes about technology and why we must control it.

Quotes about technology:

  1. The number one benefit of information technology is that it empowers people to do what they want to do. It lets people be creative. It lets people be productive. It lets people learn things they didn’t think they could learn before and so in a sense, it is all about potential. ~Steve Ballmer
  2. Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, allowing us to do things more quickly and efficiently but too often it seems to make things harder, leaving us with fifty-button remote controls, digital cameras with hundreds of mysterious features and book-length manuals, and cars with dashboard systems worthy of the space shuttle. ~James Surowiecki
  3. Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. ~Bill Gates
  4. The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. ~Bill Gates
  5. The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men [and women] do. ~BF Skinner
  6. Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we’re too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone. ~Steven Spielberg
  7. Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge. ~Daniel J Boorstin

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So go on, please share this post now. If you do, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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25 amusing quotes about getting old to tickle you

Amusing Quotes About Getting OldThere are worse things than getting old. Not getting old being just one of them. Nevertheless being old is a tough gig. Like an old car, everything starts to wear out and it all seems to happen at once. That’s life unfortunately and we just have to get used to it.

The trick is to remain ‘stupid and cheerful‘ and that way you’ll experience less stress. You can try ‘smart and angry‘ if you prefer but I think you’ll find it doesn’t help improve anything.

One great way to remain cheerful is to read something amusing each day.

So today I offer you 25 amusing quotes about getting old to make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

If you’re old I’m sure some of them will resonate with you. If you’re not old then enjoy your youth whilst you can. The years will pass in the blink of an eye.

Whatever your age; you’ll never have today again, so you might as well enjoy it.

Amusing quotes about getting old:

  1. Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. ~Joan Rivers
  2. Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
  3. No man is ever old enough to know better. ~Holbrook Jackson
  4. Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
  5. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ~George Burns
  6. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore
  7. You’re only young once but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
  8. Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
  9. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
  10. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown
  11. Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~George Burns
  12. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ~Claude Pepper
  13. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ~Bob Hope
  14. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money upfront. ~George Burns
  15. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal
  16. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~Kurt Vonnegut
  17. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer
  18. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen
  19. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. ~Sir Norman Wisdom
  20. I don’t do alcohol anymore. I can get the same effect just standing up fast. ~Author Unknown
  21. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
  22. Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. ~Joan Rivers 
  23. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
  24. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen
  25. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Author Unknown

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11 funny quotes about money to make you smile

funny quotes about moneyMoney, that’s what I want! And so does everyone else.

It’s a modern obsession. We like to think that it doesn’t matter but it does of course. In the modern world, we cannot get far without at least some of it.

We all talk about money and we’re constantly chasing value for money. This is natural of course because our lifestyle, such as it is, depends on the money we have and the money we earn.

However, there’s a slightly absurd and amusing side to it all too. So I thought I’d search out some quotes to explore the funny side of money.

Here are 11 funny quotes about money that made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too.

Funny quotes about money:

  1. A Nillionaire is someone with no money. ~Author Unknown
  2. Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. ~Author Unknown
  3. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar
  4. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. ~Author Unknown
  5. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop. ~Author Unknown
  6. They say money talks and perhaps it does, but mine just says goodbye. ~Author Unknown
  7. Where does money go? Hokus, pokus and then I’m brokus. ~Author Unknown
  8. Always borrow money from a pessimist because they don’t expect to get it back. ~Oscar Wilde
  9. Money may not buy happiness but if you’re going to cry it’s better to do it in a Mercedes or BMW. ~Author Unknown
  10. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s in the sale. ~Author Unknown
  11. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner

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31 funny puns that are very cheesy but very amusing

Funny PunsDo you like funny puns, dear reader? I hope so because I’ve put together a collection of 31 of them just for you.

Personally, I love funny puns and clever wordplay. Witty one-liners like this make me smile every time. Today’s collection is no exception.

I loved them all and I hope you will too. So take a moment, relax and enjoy them.

Funny Puns (1-20):

  1. Marriage proposals are so engaging.
  2. I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy. 
  3. What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
  4. The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.
  5. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? She was feline fine!
  6. What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
  7. Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  8. A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake. 
  9. I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side. 
  11. Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. 
  12. Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
  13. The invention of drones has given us a new perspective on things.
  14. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
  15. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
  16. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  17. A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
  18. The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
  19. I broke my finger at work today, but on the other hand, everything’s okay.
  20. Police were called to childcare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Funny Puns (21-31):

  1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  2. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
  3. I was fired from my job at the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
  4. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
  5. Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”
  6. If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
  7. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  8. I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
  9. My girlfriend really changed when she became a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
  10. My girlfriend says she’s been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in her head.
  11. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

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29 clever puns that’ll make you smile, at least a little

Clever PunsIf you love clever puns then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader. I’ve put together a collection of 29 witty one-line puns that will make you smile, at least a little.

Certainly, they all made me smile and I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them too.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy them all. And then pass them on to your friends and colleagues.

Clever puns:

  1. With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
  2. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
  3. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
  4. An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
  5. I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
  6. Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.
  7. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  8. I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
  10. If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise, you might feel a bit ice-olated.
  11. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
  12. Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
  13. I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
  14. You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
  15. To whoever stole my broken bathroom scales, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
  16. Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
  17. I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
  18. Why are fish the easiest animals to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.
  19. I started a business selling yachts in my attic. Sails have gone through the roof.
  20. I wouldn’t let my children go to see the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  21. I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards and she said she’d deal with me later.
  22. I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
  23. Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
  24. The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
  25. What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
  26. I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
  27. My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
  28. I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
  29. Did you hear about the thieves who robbed a theatre during a performance? They stole the spotlight.

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