75 hilarious quotes you'll just love

If hilarious quotes are what you’re seeking today, dear reader, then I have curated 75 excellent ones for you.

Some are by authors unknown, and some are by famous people. However, they’re all witty and fun.

So, buckle up and see how many of these you can relate to. Either way, enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them with your friends.

Hilarious Quotes (1 – 25):

I’m not weird; I’m a limited edition. ~Author Unknown

I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde

My superpower is overthinking everything. ~Author Unknown

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~Steve Martin

My superpower is my ability to trip over thin air. ~Author Unknown

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. ~Author Unknown

My hobbies are mostly breakfast, lunch, and dinner. ~Author Unknown

I’m not trying to be difficult; it comes naturally. ~Author Unknown

The only thing I consistently enjoy is avoiding work. ~Author Unknown

I’m not stubborn. I’m just convinced I’m always right. ~Author Unknown

My exercise routine? Does walking to the fridge count? ~Author Unknown

I’m not rude; I’m just honest with a side of sarcasm. ~Author Unknown

My goal at work? Survive until it’s time to go home. ~Author Unknown

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ~Steven Wright

My superpower is making food disappear. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. ~Author Unknown

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. ~Jack Handey

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~ Erma Bombeck

If a book about failure doesn’t sell, is it a success? ~Jerry Seinfeld

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited. ~Sacha Guitry

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. ~Groucho Marx

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. ~Author Unknown

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. ~Al McGuire

They said, Follow your heart. I did, and it led me to the fridge. ~Author Unknown

I’m not single. I’m in a committed relationship with freedom and fun. ~Author Unknown

Hilarious Quotes (26 – 50):

I’m not lost. I’ve just been taking the scenic route for the past three hours. ~Author Unknown

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain

The trouble with being in a rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. ~Lily Tomlin

I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. ~Author Unknown

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese. And wouldn’t you rather have cheese? ~Author Unknown

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office. ~Robert Frost

My therapist told me the way to achieve inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a large pizza. I feel great. ~Author Unknown

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but has anyone ever seen me and Batman in the same room together? ~Author Unknown

I’m not a control freak. It’s just better if we do things my way. ~Author Unknown

I’m not arguing. I’m just trying to explain why I’m right. ~Author Unknown

I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. ~David Lee Roth

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. ~Charles Wadsworth ???

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ~Charles Lamb

I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely thorough about my do-it-later list. ~Author Unknown

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields

I’m not saying I was addicted to social media, but I miss my imaginary friends. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a morning person, or a noon person, or a night person. I’m just a tired person. ~Author Unknown

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. ~Earl Wilson

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. ~Catherine the Great

I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a quitter. It’s just that I can never see the point in carrying on. ~Author Unknown

I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours. ~Author Unknown

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ~George Carlin

Hilarious Quotes (51 – 75):

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles M. Schulz

I’m not a know-it-all, but I could give Google a run for its money. ~Author Unknown

The difference between a politician and a catfish is that a catfish is good for something. ~Will Rogers

I’m not ignoring you; I’m just very good at pretending you’re not there. ~Author Unknown

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain

My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and then it’s gone. ~Author Unknown

The problem with reality is the lack of background music. ~Author Unknown

The early worm gets eaten by the early bird. So, sleep in. ~Author Unknown

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. ~Author Unknown

For me, a balanced diet would be a blueberry muffin in each hand. ~Author Unknown

I’m not procrastinating; I’m just highly motivated to do nothing. ~Author Unknown

Life is what happens while you are busy scrolling through social media. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a bad influence. I just thought you might enjoy taking a walk on the wild side. ~Author Unknown

I’m not an expert on anything, but that doesn’t stop me from posting my opinion on every subject, however complicated. ~Author Unknown

I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk. ~Author Unknown

I may not be a superhero, but I can assemble IKEA furniture, eventually. ~Author Unknown

My diet plan: make healthy choices, then reward myself with cake. ~Author Unknown

If the early bird gets the worm, he’s welcome to it. I’m not getting out of bed just for a worm. ~Author Unknown

Just because it’s dismissed as a conspiracy theory doesn’t mean it’s untrue. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a hoarder; I’m just a collector of things I might need someday. ~Author Unknown

Between two evils, I always pick the one I’ve never tried before. ~Mae West

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room. ~Dr. Strangelove

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police. ~Joan Rivers

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. ~Graham Norton

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll be a philosopher. ~Socrates

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75 hilarious quotes you’ll just love

Hilarious Quotes (1 – 25):

Hilarious Quotes (26 – 50):

Hilarious Quotes (51 – 75):

Please share these hilarious quotes:

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