30 funny dating profile examples or how not to write one

In days gone by the dating game was simple. You went to a dance on a Saturday night and, with a bit of luck, you met someone nice who was willing to see you again.

Obviously, the modern dating scene is very different. The age of the dating app makes the process difficult, insofar as you don’t get to meet someone unless they like what they see and what you have to say in your profile.

So you need a flattering photo, naturally, as well as a great sales pitch. And it really needs to be a sales pitch because you are actually trying to sell yourself to any potential dates who are checking out your profile.

A good sales pitch should highlight your unique selling proposition and the reasons why you’re a worthy date. Your words should be positive and scream “I’m a great catch, so grab me whilst I’m still available.” In short, your words should be a call to action.

Any decent salesperson could tell you this, so there’s nothing unique in what I’m saying here. You’d think it was obvious, wouldn’t you?

Following a close inspection of a few dating apps, I can tell you that there are plenty of people out there who haven’t helped themselves when they wrote their profiles.

However, whilst such people don’t necessarily do themselves any favours with their profiles, their words have the potential to make us all laugh.

So here are 30 funny dating profile examples that really made me smile. These are from real apps, albeit I wonder whether some were written tongue-in-cheek.

Funny dating profile examples (1-15):

Miserable soul looking for love.
Recovering alcoholic seeking soul mate.
My life’s a car crash, can you make it better?

I’ve just got the all-clear, so I’m ready for love again.
Manic depressive looking for a nice girl to cheer him up.
If you’ve got a fetish for body odour then I’m your man.

I hate men but could you be the one to change my mind?
So far, I’ve had 60 lovers at college, will you be my 61st?
Looking for someone to pay my bills and take care of me.

If you’ll be my meal ticket I’ll be your pampered princess.
My relationships never work out but I’m willing to try again.
Angry bitch looking for that special one to make his life hell.

Don’t think of me as bald, think hairstyle that says minimalism.
If you can handle a drama Queen then I could be the one for you.
Served my sentence for assault and battery. Now looking for love.

Funny dating profile examples (16-30):

If you’ll cook, clean and do my ironing then you’re the girl for me.
I enjoy long walks and candlelit dinners and someone to pay the bill.
Bad teeth, bad breath, body odour and acne but otherwise a great catch.

Had my fun and I’ve got three kids to prove it. So what can you offer me?
If you’re looking for a fixer-upper then I could be the challenge you need.
As long as I always get my own way in every situation, I can be flexible.

I hate everyone, so why should I like you? You’ll need a good story to tell.
If you’re looking for a bird with a lot of troublesome baggage, then I’m your girl.
My mother will always be my first priority but if that works for a girl like you, swipe right.

If you’re looking for someone considerate, kind and caring then you’d better swipe left.
I’ve got all the looks, charm and intelligence anyone could possibly want and I’m modest too.
With three kids and one on the way, I’m looking for a father for them. Could you be the one?

I can be difficult, jealous, sarcastic and moody. Could you be the one to make me happy?
You could be my downtime, my spare time, my part-time, and my sometime. Someone I turn to when I’ve nothing better to do.
Bald man with no job, no money, no prospects and living with his parents is looking for a good woman with her own house and car. Could you be the one?

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