3 hilarious short story jokes guaranteed to raise a smile

3 hilarious short story jokes guaranteed to raise a smile

Dear reader, are you in need of a laugh? Then, how about these 3 hilarious short story jokes guaranteed to raise a smile?

They will have you howling with laughter, I’m sure.

Well, they certainly made me laugh.

So, I hope they brighten your day too.

Feel free to share them.

3 HILARIOUS SHORT STORY JOKES
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Hilarious short story jokes:

1. Getting married in Heaven:

A young Catholic couple, Patrick and Bernadette, were on their way to the church to get married. Sadly, their lives were cruelly cut short by a road traffic accident just before they would have reached their destination.

Nevertheless, they’d lived good and decent lives, so naturally, in an instant, they found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter as he reviewed a clipboard to confirm their names were on the list.

As they stood there, Patrick said to St Peter, “Will it still be possible for us to get married in Heaven?

To be honest, I’m not sure”, said St Peter. “Believe it or not, this has never happened before. If you’ll bear with me, I will check it out for you.

With that, St Peter disappeared.

So Patrick and Bernadette sat down on a nearby golden bench, and they waited. And waited, and waited, and waited. They waited so long that a couple of months passed.

Naturally, in that time, they chatted about their future, the challenges of being married, and the fact that many of their friends who’d married had found it wasn’t always forever. Circumstances often change, and relationships can suffer.

Eventually, St Peter reappeared looking a little flustered.

Well”, said St Peter, “I have some good news for you both. I’m pleased to be able to tell you that you will be able to get married here in Heaven.”

Oh, that’s great!” said Bernadette enthusiastically.

Patrick wasn’t quite so enthusiastic in his reaction, though.

St Peter, I was just wondering”, said Patrick, “If we were to marry and things didn’t work out, would we be able to divorce in Heaven?”

St Peter’s response suggested that he was irritated by Patrick’s question, as he slammed his clipboard angrily on the ground.

St Peter, what’s the matter?” Bernadette enquired.

Oh, for Heaven’s sake!” said St Peter. “It’s taken me almost three months to find a priest here in Heaven. Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?

2. Age problems:

Jim was 85 years old, and he’d been playing golf every single day since he’d retired from work 20 years earlier.

One day, Jim arrives home from golf, and he’s obviously agitated.

What’s the matter, dear?” his wife, Mabel, enquired.

I’m going to give up golf”, Jim responded. “My eyesight is now so bad that once I hit the ball, I just can’t see where it’s gone.”

Mabel can see Jim is really upset, so she tries to be as sympathetic as possible.

Oh, don’t worry, dear. Let me make you a nice cup of coffee. You’ll feel better after that, I’m sure”, she says.

As they both sit down with their coffee, Mabel says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Next time you play golf, you could take my brother Sid with you.

But Mabel, how will that help?” says Jim, “Sid is 98!

Yes”, says Mabel, “but he still has perfect eyesight. He can be your eyes when you play.

So Jim agrees it’s probably worth a try, and he makes arrangements with Sid for the next day.

The next day, Jim heads off to the country club with Sid.

At the first tee, Jim tees up with an almighty swing, and he then squints down the fairway trying to see where his ball has gone.

Sid, did you see where my ball went?” asks Jim.

Sure!” says Sid. “I still have perfect eyesight.”

Jim waited momentarily, anticipating further information from Sid, but got nothing.

So where did it go then?” asks Jim.

Sid looked at him a little confused and then said, “Where did what go?

3. One kiss:

Alice was an attractive young woman, and she was shopping in a department store looking to buy material for a dress she was making.

At the fabric counter, she spotted some suitable material and said to the young male clerk behind the counter, “What’s the cost of this material, please?”

Well, miss, the price for that is just one kiss per yard,” replied the clerk, with a confident grin on his face.

That’s fine,” said Alice. “I’ll take ten yards, please.”

Well, the clerk couldn’t believe his luck. He quickly measured out the cloth, folded it carefully, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held the package out to Alice.

She, in turn, accepted the package, smiled and then, pointing to the elderly man behind her, she said, “My grandpa will settle the bill.

And with that, she proceeded to browse at the next counter.

Phil Sutton

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Some simple advice for young people

Advice for Young People

If you’re looking for some simple advice for young people, then here are some of the things I wish I had known when I was 18.

Learn these lessons as soon as you can. As you travel along life’s highway, I think you’ll find them all useful.

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1. Be kind

It’s easy to make judgements about people, and we’re all guilty of doing it, at least occasionally.

The problem is that none of us knows what challenges other people are facing in their lives at any given time. Some people can have very tough lives, and they may be struggling. It’s not always obvious to the rest of us.

So be kind to everyone you meet. It costs you nothing, but it can mean the world to someone who’s facing a particularly difficult time in their life.

2. Value friendship

Our friends and loved ones are our most precious possessions.

Work is important, of course, but it’s not as important as people. If you were to drop dead tomorrow, an employer would replace you in a heartbeat. However, you can’t be replaced by the people to whom you matter most.

So value friendships and family, and make sure you make time for them. Never be too busy working to miss out on spending some quality time with your friends and family.

If you’re ever seriously ill, it will be your friends and loved ones who take care of you, not your employer.

3. Value your time

Now, you’ll often hear someone say, “Oh, I would love to do that if only I had the time.”

And yet we all have exactly the same amount of time, i.e. 168 hours each week.

It all comes down to what we choose to do with our time and how we prioritise those things that matter to us most.

Time is simply a resource like money, although it’s more important than money. You can get more money, but you can’t get more time, can you? None of us can do that, can we?

So you must learn to use your time wisely. Time is a precious resource, so you must develop effective time management skills.

You must recognise that you can’t do everything, but you can be selective about what you choose to do, within reason.

High-value tasks should always take precedence over low-value tasks.

Remember this: the most effective time management tool is the word NO.

Just because people ask you for a piece of your time, it doesn’t mean you’re obliged to give it to them. Be very selective about how you allocate your time.

Think of the word NO as a baseball bat.

Whenever someone makes a request that would not be the best use of your time, then NO is the means by which you can whack that request right out of the ballpark. Always be polite, of course, but be firm too.

Being busy is not the same as being productive. And your aim, always, should be to be productive.

Check out my Top 10 Tips for How to Manage Your Time.

4. Mindset matters

Whether you realize it or not, your mindset matters, and by that, I mean, it matters a lot. When I refer to mindset, I’m referring to how you think, your attitude, and whether you’re positive by nature or otherwise.

You’ll never experience a positive outcome with a negative attitude. And you’ll never, ever impress anyone with a negative attitude either. No one is impressed by negativity, trust me. And no one wants to spend much time around negative people either.

There’s an old saying, “Believe you can and you will!

This is true in my experience.

Succeeding at anything requires you to believe in yourself and believe you can achieve anything you set out to achieve.

Yes, you’ll have setbacks. Everyone does. It’s true; it won’t be easy. It never is. And it doesn’t matter what others think. There will always be negative people trying to rain on your parade.

As long as you believe you can and you’re determined and prepared to work hard, almost everything is possible. Other people succeed, and so can you.

So think positively and take every opportunity to reinforce your self-belief.

And take care of your mental well-being too, by avoiding negative people and all the exaggerated scare stories we see and hear constantly in the media.

5. Never fear making mistakes

The problem with classroom learning is that much of it depends on learning facts and figures and regurgitating everything you’ve memorized in an exam. At the end of it all, you get your certificate, diploma, or degree, but what have you learned? Probably not much, I would guess.

Remember this: memorizing is not the same as learning.

The other way we’re often misled when we‘re young is that we’re told that making mistakes is a bad thing. That’s rather sad because it’s not true.

What you will learn from the mistakes you make is far more important to you than anything anyone can tell you in a classroom. You’ll never forget those things you’ve had to learn the hard way.

Life isn’t called the ‘School of Hard Knocks’ for nothing.

If you believe in yourself and your ability to use your judgement and accept that you’ll make mistakes occasionally, then you can cope with just about everything life throws at you.

Just make decisions to the best of your ability and knowledge, and then, if they don’t work out, just look for the lesson and learn it well.

Despite anything people will tell you to the contrary, there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes because that’s how you gain experience, and that’s how you’ll grow in character. Just don’t make the same mistakes too often.

Making mistakes is how you gain that valuable commodity known as experience, so they’re essential to your personal development.

6. Read more

In the modern age, a good education is essential. That doesn’t mean you must have a formal education, necessarily. Classroom learning doesn’t suit everyone, and there are many ways to learn.

One of the best ways to learn in my experience is to read.

Read all the critically acclaimed novels by the most respected authors. And not just authors from your own country. Read novels from writers around the world. Translations for the best novels are always available in many languages.

Read non-fiction too. The reading of non-fiction is the basis for self-improvement.

If there are subjects that you find interesting, then by reading, you can become an authority on those subjects over time. And becoming an authority is a great way to increase your earning potential.

In my experience, the most successful people are all readers. So make sure you set aside at least 30 minutes each day to read.

Read one book a week, and over the course of a year, you’ll have consumed an enormous amount of knowledge.

And remember, learning is a lifelong process. You must keep learning for as long as you have the energy to pick up a book.

And if personal time pressures limit your ability to consume books, then here are two alternatives to make the process a little bit easier:

     (a) Blinkist:

If you haven’t got enough time to read non-fiction books, you could try Blinkist.

Blinkist is a great way to consume book summaries to get core insights on relevant topics without all the details. And you can read or listen.

So you get all the key ideas from non-fiction bestsellers in minutes, rather than hours or days. And they have a library of over 5,000 non-fiction books

Not only that, Blinkist has teamed up with podcast creators to bring you key insights from popular podcasts, too.

So in as little as 15 minutes, you can gain an understanding of the content of a best-selling book or a popular podcast.

Blinkist is self-improvement done the smart way. So, turn your smartphone into a classroom and your commute to work into a learning experience.

Consume one book a day with Blinkist, and in one year, you’ll have consumed a PhD’s worth of knowledge and made yourself a much more valuable commodity.

And you can sign up for a FREE TRIAL. So you’ve got absolutely nothing to lose by trying it. So go on, do it now.

     (b) Audible:

Audible is another great way of consuming books. With Audible, you get the full book, but in audiobook form.

Essentially, Audible is an online audiobook and podcast service that allows users to purchase and stream audiobooks and other forms of spoken word content.

And there’s a FREE 30-day trial offer.

So you can try it for a month and see if you like it, with absolutely no commitment to extend beyond the trial period if it doesn’t suit you.

Listen to the world’s bestselling books and enjoy original podcasts too. You can choose from an incredible selection of Audible originals, podcasts, and audiobooks to download. It’s worth trying, surely?

Sign up for the FREE 30-day trial offer today.

Audible is another great way to turn your smartphone into a learning tool and turn your dead time into productive time. In your car and when you’re commuting to work on the bus or train, you can build your knowledge or enjoy bestselling novels in audiobook form.

So go on, sign up for the FREE 30-day trial offer today.

7. Write more

As a younger man, I always had a problem with writing. I never quite knew what to say or how to say it.

It left me feeling slightly inadequate and believing that this was just something at which I was very bad.

As I progressed up the career ladder, I struggled with the written word for quite a while. I didn’t realise that my real problem was a lack of practice.

However, I’ve learned over the years that the more I practise writing, the better I get at it. I may not be perfect, but I’m a lot better at it now than I was, that’s for sure.

Being able to express yourself clearly and concisely in writing is an essential skill to develop, and the best way to develop it is to practise, practise and practice some more.

Writing is about communication, and communication is one of the most important skills for you to develop if you have any ambition for getting on in life.

Take every opportunity you have to write. Start a blog, write for a magazine, or write to a pen pal; just do whatever it takes.

The more you write, the better you’ll get, I promise you.

8. Practise public speaking

Speaking in front of a crowd, even a small one, can be daunting, especially for the first time.

However, this is another skill best developed with practice.

It’s also a skill that is essential the higher up the career ladder you progress.

So take every opportunity to practise. Read a lesson at your local church, join the Toastmasters, become an after-dinner speaker, or do whatever you can to get plenty of practice.

It’s another essential skill that is best developed early in life.

9. You’re not your job

Whenever we meet someone new, we’re often asked what we do for a living.

Our response to that question is that we’re a lawyer, an engineer, an accountant, or whatever. This can lead us to think that our identity is defined by what we do for a living at the present time.

And indeed, other people can often pigeonhole us in their perception of us based on what they think we actually do for a living.

However, we all have many dimensions to our personalities, and we’re not defined by our jobs alone.

I may be an engineer, but I’m also a businessman. Equally, I’m a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a cousin, a friend, a blogger, a Samaritan, et cetera.

And I’ve been many things in the past too, including a board director, a student, I’ve worked in retail, I’ve worked in the gaming industry, I was once a school caretaker, I’ve lived and worked in many countries, and so on.

I’m a multidimensional person, and so is everyone else.

We’re the sum of all the things we are, all the things we’ve done, and all the experiences we’ve had.

Our identities are not, and should not, be limited by the job we’re doing at any given time.

10. Learn to manage money

The problem with classroom learning is that very little of what you learn at school, college, or university is of much real use to you once you leave the formal education system.

They teach you about things you’ll never use, and yet they fail to teach you about things that will matter to you in the real world.

Things you’ll never learn at school include:

  • What constitutes a decent income?
  • How to earn a decent income?
  • How to budget to cover your outgoings
  • How to apply for a mortgage
  • What is insurance, what does it cost, and why do you need it?
  • The difference between saving and investing.
  • Asset classes and how to invest?
  • How to build wealth and financial independence.

You must learn how to manage money. And you must learn as much as you can about money as soon as you can.

Being young, it’s very easy for the money coming into your life to disappear as quickly as it arrives. However, I can tell you that mismanaging your money is the way to the poor house. Your primary aim should be learning to manage your money effectively and building wealth.

The building of wealth is the way to financial independence. And once you’re financially independent, you get to choose what you do and when you do it.

11. Know when to walk away

Sometimes things just don’t work out. You try hard to make them work, and you do your very best. However, at some point, you have to recognise that investing any more time and effort into a given activity is simply not the right thing to do.

If something just isn’t working for whatever reason, then it’s better for everyone if you just draw a line under it and move on.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a job or a bad relationship. If it’s making you unhappy, if you just can’t make it work, then you don’t need any other reason to decide that enough is enough.

Yes, your decision may cause some upset at the time, but everyone will be happier in the long term.

Never be afraid to move on when you think it’s necessary.

12. Find a mentor

When you’re young and starting your career, you don’t have to make all the mistakes yourself.

It’s a legitimate strategy to learn as much as you can from the experience of others. I wish I’d found myself a decent mentor early on.

An experienced, non-judgmental, friendly ear with whom problems and their potential solutions can be explored regularly.

Find yourself a decent mentor as quickly as possible.

Having a mentor is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength and a sign that you’re willing and able to learn from others.

Learning is a lifelong process. No one starts as the finished article. And anything you can learn from a wiser, older head can only help you navigate the choppy waters of life and work.

And don’t be afraid to ask someone to be your mentor. If nothing else, they’ll be flattered you asked, and they’ll probably be keener to help you than you might imagine.

13. Trust your instincts

Your gut instinct is a better barometer than you might imagine, too.

If it feels wrong, it usually is wrong. Certainly, it’s likely to be wrong for you.

Then again, regardless of anything negative you’re getting from other people, if your instinct says you can do it, give it a go. Chances are you will succeed.

Your gut instinct is your friend.

14. Rise to the challenge

As we negotiate the stormy road that’s life, the challenges we face can often seem daunting. And we can often wish for something a little easier.

However, by rising to the challenges we face, we grow as people. We learn, and we build experience. And as suggested earlier, experience is a valuable commodity.

If we’re solving the hardest problems, we’ll be stretching ourselves as much as we can.

We add value to others and therefore increase our income by solving problems for them.

If you become the ‘go-to’ person for solving the hardest problems, then you can earn a very good living, I promise you.

Don’t be afraid to tackle the hardest problems. You can only gain from the experience.

15. Nurture your network

There’s an old saying that says, No man is an island. Human beings are social animals, and we need each other. Your network of friends and business contacts is important, and it can be beneficial to you.

However, it’s not about take, take, take.

A network must be nurtured, and you must give before you can reasonably expect to receive. By doing favours occasionally, you’ll always get help when you need it.

So value your network, help people when you can, socialise with people, and take the time to build lasting relationships.

16. Schedule some ‘me time’

Life can be all-consuming if you’re not careful. When you have a demanding job and a family, it can all be quite stressful at times.

You can burn out very quickly if you’re not careful.

Work and family are important, of course, but that shouldn’t mean you damage your health and well-being or your relationship with your family in the process.

So make sure you factor into your schedule a little ‘me time’ regularly. And make time for your loved ones, too.

It’s not just a good idea; it’s essential.

Phil Sutton

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Thank you.

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3 Side-splitting Jokes about Heaven and Hell

If you need a laugh, then take a look at these three side-splitting jokes about Heaven and Hell. They all made me laugh, so I hope they entertain you, too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

SIDE-SPLITTING JOKES
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Side-splitting Jokes:

1. Heavenly transportation:

New Yorkers Frank, George and Vinny are killed in a tragic car crash in Manhattan.

The three friends arrive at the entrance to the Pearly Gates, and St Peter is waiting for them.

After the initial pleasantries, St Peter says, “Gentlemen, Heaven is an enormous place, so you will need transport to get around. And I have to tell you now that the type of transport you will be allocated will depend on how faithful you were to your wives.

He then turns to Frank and says, “Francis, how faithful were you to your dear wife?

I never strayed once”, says Frank. “From the day we met until my dying day, she was the only woman with whom I slept, and I loved her very much.

Most impressive, Francis,” says St Peter. “Such fidelity is worthy of a new $13 million Rolls-Royce Sweptail, and here are the keys. You’ll find your car in the parking lot just inside the Pearly Gates.

Turning to George, St Peter said, “And how faithful have you been, George?

George hesitated momentarily and then said, “I must be honest and tell you that I did have a brief affair with my secretary about 20 years ago. It was the only time I cheated, and I did regret it. I love my wife, and after that brief lapse, I was faithful to her until my dying day.

Very well”, said St Peter. “You made one mistake, but otherwise you were of good character. Your reward now is a Chevrolet Bolt. Here are your keys, and you’ll find the car in the parking lot inside the Gates.

St Peter then turned to Vinny and said, “So, Vincent, were you as well-behaved as your friends?

Vinny looked a little embarrassed as he responded. “St Peter, if I’m honest, I was a womanizer and I’ve had more sexual encounters than I can remember. However, I did love my wife, and I would never have left her.”

St Peter frowned as he responded, “Vincent, your behaviour was less than exemplary, but you did at least say you loved your wife and never left her, so that counts for something. Therefore, I will give you a top-of-the-range mountain bike to enable you to get around. You’ll find it in the cycle rack inside the Gates.

The three friends then spent the next few weeks travelling around in Heaven getting to know the place.

One day, as Vinny was cycling along Heaven’s highway, he saw a Rolls-Royce Sweptail parked by the side of the road. As he got close, he could see Frank sitting in the driver’s seat, sobbing.

Hey buddy, what’s the matter?” said Vinny. “You’ve been driving a beautiful Rolls-Royce. What could be wrong?

I know”, said Frank, “but I’ve just seen my wife go past on a skateboard.

2. The reward for a life of sin:

Three drinking buddies, Bill, Jim and Cyril, died in a plane crash on the way to Las Vegas, and they all found themselves in Hell.

No sooner had they walked through the Gates of Hell than they found themselves staring at a series of doors.

Bill opened the first door and out stepped a really ugly woman, her face covered in hideous warts.

The voice of the Devil then boomed out, “William, you have been a sinner, and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this poor woman.

The woman then took Bill by the hand and led him through the door he’d opened to suffer his punishment.

Jim and Cyril were naturally feeling very apprehensive at this point.

However, Jim plucked up the courage to open the second door, which revealed a woman who was even uglier than the first one. She was a grinning, toothless hag with a hunched back and a bad case of body odour.

Again, the voice of the Devil then boomed out, “James, you too have sinned, and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this wretched woman.

The woman then took Jim by the hand and led him through the door to suffer his punishment.

Naturally, at this point, Cyril was a nervous wreck as he was about to open the third door.

He feared the worst, although he knew he hadn’t been much of a sinner, so he hoped it wouldn’t be another hag.

Cyril was pleasantly surprised when out stepped a beautiful blond in a very brief bikini.

Wow!” thought Cyril.

Then the Devil’s voice boomed, “Maria, you have been a sinner, so you are condemned to spend eternity with this hideous, wretched man.

3. Hoping for a miracle:

Bernard was a deeply religious man, and one day he found himself trapped on the roof of his house following a terrible flood after the worst storms in living memory.

After an hour or so, a man came by in a boat and shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Soon, the water had completely submerged Bernard’s house, and it was lapping around his waist.

Suddenly, another man came by in a boat and shouted, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by, and the water was now lapping around Bernard’s chest.

Yet another boat came along, and a man shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Well, the water kept on rising, and it was now up around his neck when a helicopter appeared and down came a ladder. The crewman on the ladder shouted to Bernard, “Hey buddy, climb up!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by, and the next thing Bernard knew, he was standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

At this point, Bernard felt very disheartened as he said to St Peter, “I feel completely let down. I truly believed God would save me.

Be fair”, said St Peter, “We did send you three boats and a helicopter.

Phil Sutton

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I hope you found these jokes truly side-splitting, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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5 story jokes that are actually funny

If you’re looking for some jokes that are actually funny, then take a look at these five little gems I have on offer for you today.

They all made me laugh, and I’m confident that they’ll raise a smile with you too.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them.

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Jokes that are actually funny:

1. Resourceful assistant:

Maude had recently been widowed, and she visited the mortuary to pay her respects to her late husband, Bert’s body.

The mortuary assistant leads her into the Chapel of Rest, where the late Bert’s body is lying-in-state.

On seeing Bert, Maude cannot stop herself from sobbing, with tears pouring down her face.

The mortuary assistant attempts to comfort her, putting his arm around her and saying, “Mam, I’m so sorry for your loss, but at least he’s at peace now.”

Maude struggles to regain her composure.

After a few moments, she says, “It’s not losing him that’s upset me; I just can’t bear seeing him wearing a suit.”

The mortuary assistant apologises before saying, “When men pass away, we always bury them in a suit.

But Bert was a clown, and he spent his life making others laugh,” said Maude. “His dying wish was to be buried in a clown costume.

Oh, I see,” said the mortuary assistant. “Well, let me see what I can arrange for you. Leave it with me.

On the morning of the funeral, Maude returns to the mortuary to spend a few precious seconds with Bert and to say goodbye.

The mortuary assistant opens the casket for her, and as he does so, Maude smiles when she sees that Bert is now dressed in the costume he loved.

Oh, thank you,” said Maude. “But where did you find a clown costume at such short notice?

It was serendipity really,” said the mortuary assistant, with a smile. “Just the day before yesterday, another clown died following a tragic accident while he was performing at the circus.

Really?” said Maude.

Yes,” said the mortuary assistant. “And, as luck would have it, his family wanted him to be buried in a suit.

I don’t quite follow,” said Maude, a little confused.

Well, it was simple,” said the mortuary assistant. “All I had to do was swap their heads around.

2. Alligator fight:

Jeff had made his fortune as a hedge fund manager on Wall Street, but he’d had enough of the pressure, so he decided it was time to retire to Florida for the sunshine and a more relaxed lifestyle.

He bought himself a fabulous villa in the Everglades, and naturally, he was now keen to get to know his neighbours,

So, he decides to throw a big poolside party at his villa, and he invites everyone in the street, including a local politician named Joe Garcia.

Well, the party is going well, and everyone’s having a great time. The food’s good, the wine’s the best, and the music has everyone dancing.

As everything’s in full swing, Jeff suddenly shouts, “Now listen up, everyone. There’s a 12-foot alligator in the pool, and I’ll buy a brand-new Porsche Cayenne for anyone who’ll join him for a swim.

Barely had Jeff offered this challenge when he heard the sound of a loud splash.

He looks towards the pool, and there’s a local politician, Joe Garcia, in the water, fighting madly with the alligator.

It’s a mean fight with wrestling, punches, biting, and choke holds. Water is splashing everywhere, and Joe Garcia and the alligator are raising hell.

Finally, after what seemed like an age, Joe Garcia strangles the alligator and leaves it floating on the surface of the pool.

He then staggers wearily out of the pool as everyone stares at him in disbelief.

Well, Joe,” says Jeff, “I owe you a Porsche Cayenne.”

No, that won’t be necessary; I don’t want it,” said Joe.

Oh, come on,” said Jeff. “I have to give you something; you won the bet.

No thanks, I have a nice car, and I don’t need another one,” Joe insisted.

Come on, you were amazing,” said Jeff. “How about I give you a Rolex watch?

Once again, Joe Garcia says, “No thanks.”

Confused, Jeff asks, “Well then, what do you want?

Joe looked around suspiciously at his fellow revellers and then said, “I want to get even with the son-of-a-bitch who pushed me in!

3. Hard truth:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian were in an art gallery viewing a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Look at their reserve and calm,” said the Englishman. “That suggests they were English.”

Nonsense,” said the Frenchman. “They are naked and beautiful. That suggests they must have been French.”

The Russian reflected on what he’d just heard momentarily, and then he shook his head. “No,” he said. “They have no clothes, no shelter, and only an apple to eat, and they’re being told they’re in paradise. They were definitely Russian.

4. Ageing problems:

Old Albert is visiting his doctor because he’s been having trouble with his hearing.

Doc,” says Albert, “I’ve been having problems with my hearing.”

Right!” says the doctor. “Let me take a closer look.

With that, the doctor picks up an otoscope and begins inspecting Albert’s ear.

After a few moments of inspection, the doctor says, “It looks like there’s some sort of object stuck in your ear.

The doctor grabs a pair of tweezers and proceeds to remove the object carefully.

As he pulls it out, the doctor looks at it closely and then exclaims, “It looks like a suppository!

Old Albert looks closely at the suppository, and then he looks at the doctor and says, “Doc, can I use your phone?”

Of course,” the doctor replied.

I need to tell my wife that I now know where I put my hearing aid,” Albert continued.

5. Amish ways:

An elderly Amish woman was driving her buggy to a nearby town when a police officer stops her on the road.

Mam, I’m sorry to stop you,” said the police officer, “but I noticed that your rear reflector is broken, and this could be dangerous.”

Officer, I thank thee,” the Amish woman replied. “As soon as I get home, I’ll have my husband fix it.

Well, that’s fine,” said the police officer, “but I also noticed that one of the reins is wrapped around your horse’s testicles. That’s not going to be very comfortable for the horse. So, please have your husband check that too.”

Officer, again, I must thank thee,” said the woman. “I’ll mention it to him as soon as I get home.

True to her word, as soon as the Amish woman got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector on the buggy.

I’ll attend to it immediately,” he responded.

Good,” she replied. “And while you’re at it, the police officer seemed to think there was something wrong with the emergency brake.”

Phil Sutton

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50 corny dad jokes that are all full groan

50 CORNY DAD JOKES

Do you enjoy corny dad jokes, dear reader? Those that make you groan but also have a way of making us smile too.

Well, today I’ve got 50 dad jokes, which I hope you’ll enjoy.

I’m confident that there’s enough here to raise a smile or two.

So, enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them with your friends.

CORNY DAD JOKES
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Corny Dad Jokes (1-10):

  1. I can’t stop binge-watching fishing shows. I’m just hooked on reel life.
  2. Behind every husband who thinks he wears the pants is a wife who told him which pants to wear.
  3. I heard a story this morning about a chameleon that couldn’t change colour. Apparently, it had reptile dysfunction.
  4. Why do people use a big word when a diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the task admirably?
  5. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. Apparently, he acquired his size from too much pi.
  6. BREAKING NEWS: A nine-year-old girl has disappeared after using her mother’s moisturizer which makes you look 10 years younger.
  7. At the boss’s funeral, a disgruntled employee walked up close to the casket and whispered, “So, who’s thinking outside the box now, Mr Whitaker?”
  8. In Jamaica, a steak pie will cost you around $4. In Trinidad and Barbados, similar pies will cost you around $3. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  9. I was shocked when my son started chewing electrical cables, so I grounded him. That seems to have worked because currently, he’s conducting himself properly.
  10. In a Catholic convent school, children were lining up in the cafeteria for lunch. There was a large pile of apples at the head of the table. A note above the pile read, “Take only ONE! God is watching you.” At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies on a tray. Above this pile, some joker had placed his owned handwritten note, which read, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

Corny Dad Jokes (11-20):

  1. I’ve just seen a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit. It was a Lamb Bikini.
  2. I had a job working as an elevator operator but I quit. There were just too many ups and downs.
  3. My ambition was to be a Hollywood lighting director but it turns out that I wasn’t bright enough.
  4. I’ve just had my pet frog’s DNA tested. The result suggests he’s part English, part German and a tad Pole.
  5. I tried growing blueberries and raspberries in the snow but it proved to be a completely fruitless endeavour.
  6. My boss asked me why I only ever get sick on workdays. I explained to him that I had a weekend immune system.
  7. How do you tell the gender of an ant? Simple! Drop it in water and if it sinks, then it’s girl ant. And if it floats, it’s boy ant.
  8. I’ve just heard that in Memphis there’s a new line of Elvis-themed steakhouses. Apparently, they’re aimed at people who love meat tender.
  9. My dad told me that I must work until my bank balance looks like a phone number. Well, this morning I finally got there. My current balance is $911.
  10. A wife was so mad with her husband that she packed his bags and told him to get out. “I hope your life is miserable and I hope you die a long, slow, painful death,” she said. “Make up your mind,” he responded. “Should I stay or should I go?”

Corny Dad Jokes (21-30):

  1. I had a date last night and I really enjoy it. Tonight I might try a fig.
  2. Why do the French eat snails? It’s because they don’t like fast food.
  3. If cannibals eat a missionary, will that give them a taste for religion?
  4. If a dog gives birth to puppies on the sidewalk, will it be cited for littering?
  5. You may know where the Big Apple is but do you know where Minneapolis?
  6. I’ve been playing silent tennis. It’s like normal tennis but without the racket.
  7. When I arrived at the gates of the Drug Rehab Centre there was a sign that read, “Keep off the Grass.”
  8. The World Tongue Twister champion has been arrested. I’m sure he’ll be getting a very tough sentence.
  9. I hear that engineers have just made a car that runs on parsley. If only they could make a bus that runs on thyme.
  10. A young police officer named Philip was so good at his job that within a year or two he was voted Police Officer of the year. Naturally, he was thrilled that all his hard work had been recognized. However, very quickly he noticed that his colleagues, his family, his friends and even the preacher at his local church started asking him questions about life, relationships and so on. He started to feel a little awkward about this, given that he’d not had any special training that qualifies him to answer such questions. So he shared his concern with his wife, who smiled at him and said, “Honey, everyone in town knows you’re an award-winning Phil officer.

Corny Dad Jokes (31-40):

  1. Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He couldn’t resistor.
  2. I wish I could stop telling airport jokes but my doctor says it’s terminal.
  3. Did you hear the joke about margarine? On second thoughts, I’d butter not tell it.
  4. I told my wife I want to be cremated and she’s made an appointment for me next Friday.
  5. My wife told me I was getting fat. “Look, dear,” I said. “I can’t help it. I’ve had a lot on my plate lately.”
  6. We took our kids to the zoo last week. We’re going back at the weekend to see how well they’ve settled in.
  7. The Invisible Man married an invisible woman. I’m not sure what they saw in each other. Their kids weren’t much to look at either.
  8. When I see the names of young lovers carved in a tree, I’m always puzzled as to why anyone feels the need to take a knife on a date.
  9. A customer walks into a jewellery store and says, “I want to buy a watch, please.” The clerk smiles and says, “Certainly sir, analog? To which the customer replies, “No, just the watch please.”
  10. A snail walks into a Porsche dealership and buys a 911 Turbo. After finalizing all the options the snail says, “And I want a big letter S on the hood and one on each of the doors too, please.” The salesman looked at him, slightly puzzled and asked, “Why, when your name’s Bill?” The snail smiles in response and then says, “Because when I open her up on the freeway, I want everyone to say, Boy, look at that S-car go!”

Corny Dad Jokes (41-45):

  1. Is there a more terrifying moment than when you’re a guest in someone’s house and the toilet refuses to flush after your morning Number 2?
  2. The teacher asked her class to use the word symmetry in a sentence. First up was little Johnny and his response was, “When you die you’re buried in a symmetry.”
  3. I went into KFC with my young son and I asked the lady for a kid’s meal with a leg. “Which side?” she asked. Thinking momentarily, I then said, “Does it make any difference whether it’s the right or the left?” When she stopped laughing, she said, “No honey, which side would you like to go with the leg? Mashed potato or wedges?”
  4. Now I’ve been in many places over the years, but I’ve never been in cahoots. Apparently, you can’t go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone. I must admit, I’ve never been incognito either. It seems no one recognizes you there. However, I have been insane. They don’t have an airport. You have to be driven there. I’ve made several trips, so far.
  5. A court jester was forever making terrible puns which the king found increasingly irritating. He’d expressed his displeasure to the jester on a number of occasions but the terrible puns just kept on coming, so the king sentenced him to be hanged. On the evening of the day before the planned hanging, the King visited the jester in his cell and said that, if the jester promised to change his ways, he would be pardoned. “Oh thank you, your majesty,” said the jester. “No noose is good noose!” The jester was hung at sunrise.

Corny Dad Jokes (46-50):

  1. The principal from my son’s school phoned and said that he’s always being a nuisance in class. “He’s always being a nuisance at home too,” I responded. “But do I ever call you?”
  2. I asked my wife to help me put up some posts in the ground for our new fence. As I was holding a post in place, I gave her a sledgehammer and said, “When I nod my head, hit it.” After that, I don’t remember much.
  3. Whilst out walking my dog, I met a man in the park. During our conversation, he told me about his four new rescue chickens. He really made me smile when he told me he’d called them Hen Solo, Jabba the Cluck, Obi-Hen Kenobi and Princess layer.
  4. A piece of rope walked into a bar and the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind!” The rope went outside, tied itself into a knot and then started fraying the edges. The rope then went back into the bar only for the bartender to say, “Weren’t you in here earlier?” The rope replied, “No! I’m a frayed knot.”
  5. Jane had been visiting her husband in jail. Before leaving she spoke with one of the correction officers and complained about how hard he was being worked. “He’s exhausted,” she said. The officer smiled and said, “Mam, you’ve got to be joking. He just eats, sleeps and stays in his cell all day.” Jane thinks momentarily and then says, “Well that can’t be right. He’s just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months.”
Phil Sutton

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If any of these corny dad jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

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5 brilliant contenders for hilarious joke of the day

Hilarious Joke of the Day

If you’re looking for some brilliant contenders for ‘hilarious joke of the day,’ then I’ve got five little gems for you here today. I’m confident they’ll all make you smile.

So enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them with your friends.

HILARIOUS JOKE OF THE DAY
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Hilarious joke of the day:

1. The Pull-Over:

Jim Murphy is a Texas state trooper patrolling the highway, and he pulls over a car for speeding on Interstate 35, about 15 miles north of Austin.

Officer Murphy approaches the car and asks the driver why he was speeding.

The driver gets out of his car, and he’s very apologetic. 

I’m sorry, officer,” says the driver, “but I’m a magician and juggler, and I’m late for a show in Temple. If I don’t make it on time, I won’t get paid.”

Sir, this might be your lucky day,” says Officer Murphy, “because I love to watch juggling. So, if you can demonstrate some impressive juggling skills, then I won’t give you a ticket.”

Oh, officer,” says the driver, “I can’t do that because my equipment has been sent on ahead and I don’t have anything to juggle.”

Well,” says Officer Murphy, “I have some flares in the trunk of my car; could you juggle them?

Sure!” says the driver.

So Officer Murphy gets five flares from the trunk, lights them all, and hands them to the driver.

The driver then starts to juggle the flares with considerable skill.

While doing so, another car pulls in behind the State trooper’s car. 

A drunken good old boy from Georgetown staggers out of this car, watches the juggling momentarily, and then staggers over to Officer Murphy’s car, opens the rear door, and climbs in. 

Officer Murphy watches him briefly and then goes over to his car and asks this guy what he thinks he’s doing.

“You might as well haul my butt off to the jail officer,” says the drunk. “There’s no way I can pass that test right now.”

2. Grumpy old man:

Dick and Doris are on a road trip on Interstate 5 from Sacramento to Albany, California.

They stop at a roadside diner for lunch.

After finishing their lunch, they leave the diner and continue on their journey to Albany. 

As they leave the diner, Doris forgetfully leaves her spectacles on the table. 

They’re driving along for about 45 minutes before Doris suddenly realises that she’s left her spectacles behind.

“Dick!” Doris exclaims, “I left my spectacles on the table in the diner. I can’t be without them. We’ll have to go back.

Dick is really not happy about this, particularly as it’s another 20 minutes before they reach a junction where they can turn around and head back to the diner.

Doris,” said Dick, “I can never rely on you to get anything right, can I? We’ve added two hours to our journey just because you couldn’t remember your spectacles.”

For the entire journey back to the diner, Dick bitched and moaned in stereotypical grumpy old man fashion, blaming poor Doris for everything that was wrong in the world.

The more Dick chided her, the angrier he got, and he didn’t let up for a single minute until eventually they reached the diner.

As Doris got out of the car, she said, “I’ll be very quick, Dick; just bear with me for one minute.”

Responding grumpily, Dick said, “Well, while you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card I left behind.”

3. The Pope visits Liverpool:

The Pope’s on a visit to Liverpool and he’s handing out miracles to kids in a poor neighbourhood.

A young teenager named Jack walks up to him and says, “Holy Father, could you help me with my hearing?

The Pope says, “Yes, of course, my son.” He then puts his hands on Jack’s ears and starts praying.

After a few moments, the Pope removes his hands from Jack’s ears and says, “How’s your hearing now, my son?

I don’t know, Holy Father,” says Jack. “I’m not up in court until Thursday.”

4. The elevator ride:

An old lady gets into an elevator on the ground floor of the Empire State Building in Manhattan.

On the very next floor, a young, well-dressed, and beautiful woman gets into the elevator smelling of very expensive perfume.

The young woman smiles at the old lady and notices she’s sniffing at the fragrance in the air. So the young woman says, a little arrogantly, “Do you like it? It’s Dolce & Gabbana Dolce Eau de Parfum Spray, and it’s $122.00 a bottle.

The old lady returns her smile but says nothing.

A couple of floors further up, the elevator stops again, and in comes another beautiful young woman, once again smelling of expensive perfume.

As the old lady is once again sniffing at the fragrance in the air, this young woman smiles and says, “Do you like it? It’s Atelier Bloem Nieuw Amsterdam Eau de Parfum, and it’s $195.00 a bottle.

Once again, the old lady returns her smile but says nothing.

Ten floors further up, the old lady is about to reach her destination when she can’t stop herself from dropping an ass blast loudly, and there’s the most terrible smell.

As she’s leaving the elevator and noticing the look on their faces, the old lady smiles at her two fellow passengers and says, “Do you like it? Broccoli. 48 cents a pound.”

5. The cab driver and the nun:

A cab driver picks up a nun on Central Park West.

The cab driver can’t help staring at his passenger.

Why are you staring at me?” asked the nun.

Well, Sister,” says the cab driver, “I’ve always had this fantasy to kiss a nun.

The nun smiles at him and says, ”I can only kiss you if you’re single and Catholic.

That’s lucky,” says the cab driver. “I’m both!

So they agree to pull over into an alley, and the nun proceeds to kiss the driver in a way that would make a lady of the night blush.

As they continue on their journey, the cab driver starts feeling guilty.

Sister,” says the cab driver, “I have a confession to make.”

And what would that be?” asks the nun.

I lied to you,” says the cab driver. “I’m married, and I’m Jewish.

That’s OK,” says the nun. “My name’s Keith, and I’m on my way to a Halloween party.

Phil Sutton

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How to become a digital nomad: 10 steps to freeing your soul

The monotonous cubicle, the soul-crushing commute, the constant ping of emails, and the endless, pointless meetings. For many, these are the things that define the modern workday. However, what if you could break free from these shackles and trade your office chair for a hammock in Bali, a café table in Dubai, or a mountain vista in Colorado? Certainly, a laptop lifestyle is possible, and many have liberated themselves from geographical constraints and found the freedom to forge a work-life blend as unique as their passions. The question is, how to become a digital nomad?

How do you, a mere dreamer chained to the nine-to-five, make this digital nomad dream a reality? Well, here is a roadmap.

Summary:

This guide offers you a 10-step plan to get you from where you are to where you’d like to be.

These steps are summarised as follows:

  1. Charting Your Course: Finding Your Digital Compass
  2. Gearing Up for the Journey: Essential Tools and Skills
  3. Choosing Your Path: Remote Retainer, Freelance Freedom, or Entrepreneurial Leap?
  4. Building Your Digital Haven: Crafting Your Online Presence
  5. Launching Your Voyage: Taking the First Tentative Steps
  6. Embracing the Nomad Life: Challenges and Triumphs on the Open Road
  7. Finding Your Rhythm: Work-Life Harmony in the Digital Age
  8. Adapting and Evolving: A Journey, not a Destination
  9. Giving Back and Connecting: Leaving Footprints, Not Just Carbon
  10. The Ever-Unfolding Chapter: The Digital Nomad Odyssey Never Ends

Following the 10-step plan, there is a list of suggested essential tools you’ll need to work effectively. Yes, every trade needs a set of tools, and being a digital nomad is no different.

HOW TO BECOME A DIGITAL NOMAD
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How to become a digital nomad:

Step 1: Charting Your Course: Finding Your Digital Compass

Before you begin, you must recognize that, as a digital nomad, you will be self-employed and you will be creating a business. And any business must offer its customers a value proposition.

You can only generate an income if you have something to offer that adds value to other people in some way.

Perhaps you can write in an engaging and entertaining style. Maybe you can offer people solutions to their problems. Alternatively, you may be born to sell. Such skills are pure gold for the digital nomad.

To get going on your journey, you will need to consider what you have to offer and how it might be used to generate income via a laptop and the internet.

So, a period of reflection is key here.

What does it mean to you to be a digital nomad? In escaping the corporate treadmill, what is it you want to do, and how much income will you need to do it?

Essentially, you will need to define your vision with clarity, for it will guide every subsequent choice you make.

Create an inventory of your skills and passions. Are you a coding alchemist, a content-weaving wordsmith, a social media maestro, or a virtual assistant extraordinaire? What is it that you can do better than most people?

The time taken to identify your strengths, your skills, and what you want to achieve is crucial. These things will form the bedrock of your income-generating engine. Never underestimate your need for income. You won’t get far without it.

Step 2: Gearing Up for the Journey: Essential Tools and Skills

Every artisan needs a tool set, and the digital nomad is no different.

And every business will need assets from which to generate income.

As a digital nomad, your tools and assets will be things like a good-quality laptop, an internet connection, a VPN subscription, and reliable cloud storage.

You will need to master online communication tools like Zoom and Slack if you’re going to have a virtual office.

And don’t forget, you’ll need to hone your time management skills, for you’ll be your CEO and, potentially, you’ll be juggling deadlines and managing distractions in exotic locations.

Furthermore, given that you’ll be starting a business, you’ll need to learn basic bookkeeping and financial planning. Living on the road demands fiscal prudence.

The message here is that you will be starting a business, and business requires investment. You can keep investment to a minimum if your budget is limited, but you will need to spend some money on tools and assets that will allow you to work effectively and efficiently. A full list of essentials is included at the end of this article.

Step 3: Choosing Your Path: Remote Retainer, Freelance Freedom, or Entrepreneurial Leap?

There are three main routes to digital freedom.

  1. Embracing the remote work revolution: You can seek a location-independent position at a company that values talent over spreadsheets.
  2. Freelancing: Taking on specific tasks for companies or entrepreneurs as a freelancer offers the benefit of setting your rates and working on projects you find interesting. However, this does require some hustling and marketing prowess.
  3. Digital entrepreneur: This path would involve building your own online business, be it an e-commerce store, YouTube channel, consulting practice, creative brand, or building affiliate marketing websites.

Each path has its pros and cons; choosing wisely based on your risk tolerance, skillset, and income goals is important here.

Step 4: Building Your Digital Haven: Crafting Your Online Presence

Every successful business has a solid reputation and brand.

In the virtual marketplace, your brand is your currency. So, you will need an online and social media presence.

You will need to build a professional-looking website and create a social media portfolio to showcase your skills and experience.

You can’t be a solution to anyone’s problems if they don’t know you exist. Marketing is all about raising your profile and capturing people’s attention and buying intent.

So, you will need to cultivate a strong online presence through social media engagement and content creation.

But that’s not all. You will need to put yourself about a bit too. That means networking with fellow digital nomads and potential clients through online communities and forums.

Remember, your online persona is the first impression others may have of you, so you must make it memorable and authentic.

Step 5: Launching Your Voyage: Taking the First Tentative Steps

Remember this: everyone who ever mastered anything started as a complete beginner.

To become a successful digital entrepreneur, there is much you will need to learn. You won’t master it all in five minutes. There will be a learning curve and you must accept that it will take time.

However, don’t wait for a perfect alignment of the stars. The way to learn is to just get going, and you’ll absorb what you need to know as you go along.

It’s perfectly reasonable to start small. You don’t even need to give up your day job at the beginning of your journey.

Test the waters with freelance gigs or remote work opportunities while keeping your current job.

This will provide you with a financial safety net, and it will allow you to refine your skills and workflow and start generating some initial income from the business.

When you start gaining some traction in terms of income and confidence, then you can take the leap of faith.

Once your business is going smoothly, then you can quit your job, sell your belongings (or rent them out for passive income), and book that one-way ticket to your dream destination.

 Step 6: Embracing the Nomad Life: Challenges and Triumphs on the Open Road

There’s no such thing as the perfect job. Every job comes with a certain amount of hassle and chores we wish we could avoid.

And the nomadic digital life can be a bit of a culture shock. It can also be lonely and frustrating when unreliable internet speeds test your patience.

However, finding reliable co-working spaces and building a local community can combat isolation.

And if you spend much of your time in a country other than the one in which you live permanently, then mastering basic, local language skills is a good way to foster deeper connections and enrich your experience.

Remember, resilience, flexibility, and not taking yourself too seriously are your essential travel companions.

Another thing to bear in mind is that you don’t have to do everything yourself.

You can delegate specific tasks to virtual assistants to free up your time to do those things that only you can do to maximise the value proposition for your business.

And virtual assistants can be based anywhere and paid per job they do for you.

Outsourcing certain tasks can be a great way to scale up your business. ProBlogger, Fiverr and Upwork are good places to find freelancers to do specific things for you, particularly content creation, writing and image design. However, if you’re looking for a good virtual assistant at a price you can afford, then you should try onlinejobs.ph.

Step 7: Finding Your Rhythm: Work-Life Harmony in the Digital Age

When you work alone, it’s easy to lose your focus. And, if you want your business to be successful, focus matters.

So, you must be very disciplined, and boundaries are crucial.

You must set clear working hours and stick to them religiously. Yes, you can be flexible with yourself occasionally, but generally, you must stick to the working hours you set.

Designate no-screen zones to give your eyes a break and avoid digital burnout.

If you’re working in exotic locations, explore your surroundings, immerse yourself in local cultures, and prioritize experiences over endless work cycles.

Remember, the laptop lifestyle is about freedom, not just from location but also from the tyranny of the clock. The world may be your office, but it’s also your playground. So, allocate a little me time so you can enjoy it.

Step 8: Adapting and Evolving: A Journey, not a Destination

Business is about solving people’s problems to make a profit. However, people’s problems are changing constantly, and you must change and adapt to keep yourself relevant.

There’s no work for gas lamp lighters anymore, nor is there any need for a slide rule manufacturer. Things change, and you must too.

Being a digital entrepreneur is a continuous learning curve.

So, be prepared to refine your skills, adjust your business model, and experiment with new income streams.

The real art is to create multiple income streams so that even if one suddenly dries up, you still have an income overall.

Remember, life is a constant stream of opportunities just waiting to be exploited by the enterprising and fleet-footed.

Technology evolves, trends shift, and unexpected opportunities arise. Embrace change, for it keeps your journey dynamic and your mind nimble.

The digital life is not a sprint to a finish line but a marathon of self-discovery and personal growth.

Be open to embracing new cultures, skills, and even career paths. Your laptop lifestyle can morph and evolve. Just because you start as a writer in Thailand doesn’t mean you cannot move on to become a yoga teacher in Costa Rica one day. It’s about fulfilling a need and going where there’s most demand for those who can fulfil the need.

You’re not a tree, so you can always go to where the best opportunities appear to be.

Remember, flexibility is your greatest asset, so use it to navigate your unique path.

Step 9: Giving Back and Connecting: Leaving Footprints, Not Just Carbon

Life is not just about what you get. Much more important is what you give. It is a fact that those who give generously are usually rewarded for their benevolence.

Being a digital entrepreneur isn’t just about personal liberation; it’s an opportunity to contribute to the communities you encounter.

For instance, volunteering your skills with local NGOs or social enterprises adds purpose and depth to your travels. It’s also a great way to build a network of useful business contacts.

There are plenty of ways to add value. Teaching English, or any language, assisting with environmental projects, or sharing your creative expertise can leave a lasting positive impact.

Remember, you’re not just a visitor; you’re a temporary citizen of the world, and responsible tourism is key.

Beyond volunteering, actively engage with local communities.

If you can learn and use a few words of the local language and some basic phrases, you’ll be amazed at how much people will appreciate you making the effort, even if you make a few mistakes along the way.

Embrace local customs and enjoy the unique cultural experiences your destinations offer.

And don’t forget to strike up conversations with people you meet. It will enhance the experience immensely.

Step 10: The Ever-Unfolding Chapter: The Digital Nomad Odyssey Never Ends

To become a digital entrepreneur is to set out on a journey that never ends.

The beauty of a laptop life lies in its inherent flexibility.

It’s not a one-size-fits-all proposition, but a canvas for crafting a life that truly resonates with your soul.

As you navigate this digital odyssey, remember, that there’s no fixed endpoint.

You may choose to settle down in your dream location, build a remote team, or continue your nomadic journey indefinitely.

The world is your oyster, and the laptop is your pearl. You can embrace the constant evolution, the unexpected detours, and the endless possibilities that lie ahead of you. It’s just like candy on a shelf, you can reach up and help yourself.

Bonus Tips:

  • Embrace slow travel: Resist the urge to tick countries off a bucket list. Immerse yourself in one place for a longer period to truly connect with its culture and people.
  • Invest in travel insurance: Be prepared for unexpected medical emergencies or travel disruptions.
  • Stay healthy: Maintain a healthy routine of exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep. Your body is your travel companion, take care of it!
  • Disconnect to reconnect: Schedule regular digital detox periods to recharge your mind and soul. Remember, there is a wonderful world outside your screen.

The Digital Nomad’s Essentials:

Here’s a basic set of essentials for budding digital nomads:

Tech essentials:

  • Reliable laptop: Your workhorse – prioritize portability, performance, and battery life.
  • Smartphone: Stay connected and explore with a good phone plan and local SIM cards.
  • Power bank: Charge your devices on the go, especially in places with unreliable electricity.
  • Universal adapter: Plug into different power outlets globally.
  • Noise-cancelling headphones: Focus on work and block out noise in bustling environments.
  • Cloud storage: Securely store your files and access them from anywhere.
  • VPN: Security matters and it offers a route to streaming services that may not be available where you are.

Productivity tools:

  • Project management software: TrelloAsana, or Todoist can help you stay organized and manage tasks.
  • Time management apps: FocusKeeper or PomoDone can help you stay focused and productive.
  • Communication tools: ZoomSlack, and Skype are crucial for staying connected with clients and colleagues.

Travel essentials:

  • Comfortable backpack: Carry your everyday essentials and laptop safely and comfortably.
  • Packing cubes: Organize your luggage efficiently and keep things tidy.
  • Travel insurance: Protect yourself from unexpected medical emergencies or travel disruptions.
  • First-aid kit: Be prepared for minor injuries and ailments.

Optional, but helpful:

  • Portable router: Create your own Wi-Fi hotspot if public networks are unreliable.
  • Offline language apps: Learn basic phrases and communicate in new languages even without the internet.
  • Travel accessories: Eye mask, earplugs, neck pillow, water bottle – for enhanced comfort on the road.

Remember: Customize this list based on your specific needs and travel style.

Some digital nomads might prefer tablets over laptops, while others might require specialized software for their work. Invest in quality gear that will last longer and avoid unnecessary frustration.

Bonus tip: Join online communities and forums for digital nomads! They’re a great source of information, support, and inspiration.

Conclusion:

The laptop lifestyle is a thrilling adventure there for the taking. So, step into the unknown, embrace the uncertainty, and write your unique chapter in the ever-evolving story of the digital nomad.

The world is yours to explore, one click at a time. However, remember this, it’s not about escaping the world, but about creating a life you truly love within it.

So, spread your wings, fire up your laptop, and chart your path to boundless freedom and endless possibilities.

Phil Sutton

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30 corny one-liners you might just enjoy

30 Corny One-Liners

Looking for some corny one-liners, dear reader? A few corny jokes to make you smile?

Well, I’ve got 30 of them today, just for you.

I can assure you that these are all full ‘groan’. However, I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two in the process.

So take a few minutes, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, feel free to pass them on.

corny one-liners
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Corny one-liners (1-15):

  1. A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
  2. I hate German sausage. It’s the wurst.
  3. I used to be a tap dancer, but I fell in the sink.
  4. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
  5. I changed my iPhone’s name to Titanic; because it’s syncing now.
  6. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
  7. What did the Statue of Liberty say to the New Yorker? “You’re such a Big Apple!”
  8. Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives.
  9. What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam!
  10. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!
  11. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  12. I used to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it.
  13. I was looking for my missing watch, but I couldn’t find the time.
  14. What did the tree say to autumn? Leaf me alone!
  15. What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved!

Corny one-liners (16-30):

  1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  2. What did the paper say to the pencil? Stop scribbling!
  3. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
  4. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  5. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi!
  6. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
  7. What did the monkey say when he found a banana in his cereal? A-peeling!
  8. Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well-armed!
  9. I used to be a banker but then I lost interest.
  10. Why doesn’t everyone learn sign language? It’s pretty handy.
  11. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
  12. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  13. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
  14. Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don’t have any body to go with
  15. I couldn’t quite remember how to throw the boomerang, but eventually, it came back to me.
Phil Sutton

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If you were impressed and/or amused, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

People love corny jokes, so please share this post now.

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You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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Warren Buffett’s Top 10 Rules for Success to Inspire You

Warren Buffett's Top 10 Rules for Success

Today, I offer you Warren Buffett’s Top 10 Rules for Success, dear reader.

If you want success, then it would be wise to listen to people who have already achieved some success.

Identify what they did to achieve their success and copy it.

If it worked for them, then it will probably work for you.

Now, there are few people more successful in their chosen field than Warren Buffett.

He offers you his ‘Top 10 Rules for Success’ in the video embedded here, and it’s worth your time to listen to him.

They are his top tips, and I recommend them to you.

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Warren Buffett’s Top 10 Rules For Success:

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Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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How to declutter your home and improve your wellbeing

How to declutter your home

How to declutter your home? A common question dealing with a subject that most of us struggle to deal with effectively.

Do you have a problem with clutter, dear reader?

Would you like some tips on how to declutter your life?

Clutter is perhaps the greatest curse of modern living. You keep buying and acquiring possessions, but rarely do you have a good clear-out, right?

It’s not easy, of course. We all develop an emotional attachment to our possessions. Certainly, I do.

However, gradually, our possessions are taking over our living space and our lives, too, right? And our world keeps getting smaller, doesn’t it?

Clutter just adds stress to your life, and managing all your possessions can be a struggle.

It’s a problem, of course, but what’s the answer?

The answer is to develop the habit of ruthless decluttering.

Do this, and your life will be a lot easier. Keep your life as simple as possible, and you’ll find it a whole lot less stressful, I promise you.

Here are 8 tips for eliminating the clutter in your life:

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How to declutter your home:

1. Personal inventory management

We all have possessions, and most of us have far more than we need. So the active management of your possessions is a continuous process.

Have a regular review of your possessions and be ruthless about getting rid of those things you no longer use or don’t need anymore.

It’s hard to get rid of everything all at once, of course, so just do a little decluttering regularly and as often as you can.

2. The ‘one-year’ rule

If an item hasn’t been used for a year, then you probably don’t need it at all. And if you don’t need it, get rid of it.

Perhaps you could sell it on eBay, at a garage sale, or at a boot sale. Alternatively, give it to a charity shop. However, don’t make the desire to sell it the reason why you hold on to an item.

If you can’t get rid of it quickly, get rid of it anyway.

The point is to minimize the clutter in your life and allow someone else to make use of an item if you no longer can. 

3. Buy only what you need

It is so easy to buy anything now that all too often we buy things without giving serious thought to whether we will use them or not.

For instance, we are browsing online and we see something that looks like an amazing bargain. So out comes our flexible friend, and we purchase the item.

The item arrives a day or two later and goes into our wardrobe, a drawer, or wherever, and it’s then largely forgotten.

The instant gratification we get from making the purchase has largely subsided by the time the item arrives.

We mean to use it, of course, but all too often it never gets used. And when that happens, it is not a bargain at all; it is simply a waste of money.

So before you buy anything, ask yourself a few questions:

  • Do I need it?
  • Will I use it?
  • Can I afford it?
  • If I didn’t have it, would it matter?

Unless you can be sure it meets a genuine need, then it’s better not to buy at all. 

4. Never impulse buy

All too often, impulse buys are mistakes.

So it’s better not to browse online stores or do any window shopping in real stores.

Decide exactly what you need to buy in advance, and then only go shopping for specific items.

Stick to buying only what you have planned to buy because it meets a genuine need in your life. 

5. The one-in, one-out rule

For clothing, especially, rather than having your wardrobe bursting at the seams, each time you purchase a new clothing item, it’s a good idea to see if there’s an old one you can throw out, sell, or give to charity.

Nowadays, you don’t have to throw things away literally. If it’s not too old and still in fair condition, then you might be able to sell it on eBay or at a garage or boot sale.

Alternatively, perhaps you could give it to a charity shop.

Whatever your chosen approach to the disposal of items, you have to be ruthless to avoid holding on to clothing you’ll never wear again.

6. Don’t form an emotional bond with your possessions

If you throw out an item you no longer use, the world will not end.

You’re not tied to your possessions, and you’ll not experience physical pain should you get rid of them. Once you get rid of them, they’ll be quickly forgotten.

Individual items that you possess are simply a small and unimportant part of you. They don’t define you, and they don’t control you.

They were there only to serve a purpose, and if circumstances have changed and they no longer serve that purpose, then it’s time they no longer played any part in your life at all.

Parting with possessions is not a bereavement. You’ll get over it quicker than you might imagine. Probably within minutes. 

7. Enjoy the freedom

Unburdened by unnecessary possessions, you can enjoy a stress-free life without all that clutter weighing on your mind.

You’ll be able to find those things you need much quicker because they’ll no longer be buried beneath all that clutter. 

8. Enjoy your space clutter-free

Why live in a space dictated by clutter when you can live in a space dictated by you?

You should be the master of your own space. Never be a slave to clutter.

Get the decluttering habit, and get it now.

Phil Sutton

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Thank you, dear reader.

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