Roy Sutton

15 Quotes by Joan Rivers

01/26/2020 by Roy Sutton

To comedy lovers everywhere the late Joan Alexandra Molinsky is better known as the legendary Joan Rivers.

Razor sharp and very funny, Joan Rivers was arguably one the finest American stand-up comedians of all time in what was probably the golden age of light entertainment.

By the strength of her personality she managed to succeed in an age when it was even tougher for a woman to get a break in an industry dominated by powerful men. In that she remains a role model for women everywhere.

Joan Rivers pioneered her own brand of irreverent, unconventional comedy and her relentless work ethic allowed her comedy to evolve and her audiences continued to grow. A remarkable lady and one who always made me laugh.

Here are 15 quotes by Joan Rivers, which will make you smile I’m sure.

Quotes by Joan Rivers:

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. ~Joan Rivers
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. ~Joan Rivers
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~Joan Rivers
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. ~Joan Rivers
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. ~Joan Rivers
Never floss with a stranger. ~Joan Rivers
I have flabby thighs but fortunately my stomach covers them. ~Joan Rivers
I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. ~Joan Rivers
We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us. ~Joan Rivers
People say that money is not the key to happiness but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~Joan Rivers
I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor. ~Joan Rivers
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. ~Joan Rivers
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I’m being funny, but I’m reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we’re going down the tube. ~Joan Rivers
I never dwell on what happened. You can’t change it. Move forward. Don’t waste your energy on being angry at something that somebody did six months ago or a year ago. It’s over. Done. Move forward. ~Joan Rivers
I walk on a stage, and I know if it’s been a good show or not. You know when it’s been a good interview. No one has to tell you. You know it. You feel it. You can feel the air. You can feel everything about it when it’s a good show. And you know when you’ve messed up. ~Joan Rivers

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Thank you.

15 Quotes by Lily Tomlin

01/25/2020 by Roy Sutton

One of the greatest American comic personalities has to be Lily Tomlin in my opinion.

Born Mary Jean Tomlin in 1939, I think she’s up there with the very best female comedians like Joan Rivers and Phyllis Diller and could give any of America’s funny men a serious run for their money too.

She is in fact an actress, comedian, writer, singer and producer and has had a successful career stretching back to the 1960s.

Here are 15 quotes by Lily Tomlin to underline my point.

Quotes by Lily Tomlin:

We are all in this together, by ourselves. ~Lily Tomlin
The road to success is always under construction. ~Lily Tomlin
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. ~Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. ~Lily Tomlin
I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. ~Lily Tomlin
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. ~Lily Tomlin
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest then we can all die laughing. ~Lily Tomlin
Don’t be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. ~Lily Tomlin
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ~Lily Tomlin
The best mind-altering drug is the truth. ~Lily Tomlin
We’re all in this alone. ~Lily Tomlin
I guess if people couldn’t profit from war I don’t think there would be war. ~Lily Tomlin
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. ~Lily Tomlin
When I was 9 or 10, I had a ten-cent business: I would walk your dog for a dime, go to the store for a dime, empty your garbage for a dime, and then I could use the money to buy tricks at the magic store. ~Lily Tomlin
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? ~Lily Tomlin

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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21 thought-provoking quotes about happiness

01/24/2020 by Roy Sutton

You’ll be as happy as you choose to be.

Yes, life’s challenging. Yes, life’s full of frustrations and disappointments. Yes, people do drive you nuts occasionally.

No one’s life is perfect, despite any outward signs to the contrary.

And it is a fact that everyone has problems.

Personal happiness depends on how we choose to look at life. It’s that simple. Happiness is not a destination it’s a state of being.

So if you’re not currently in that state, here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about happiness to help you.

You can let life’s challenges make you feel miserable or you can refuse to let anything get you down.

Focus on the good things in your life, however few and small they may be.

Just say to yourself, I’m going to be happy and nothing is going to stop me.

You will find that being happy isn’t as hard as it might appear to be.

Enjoy these 21 thought-provoking quotes about happiness and I hope they help to increase your sense of personal happiness and make your life much more fulfilling:-

Quotes about happiness:

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. ~Omar Khayyam
No medicine cures what happiness cannot. ~Gabriel García Márquez
One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. ~Rita Mae Brown
Whoever is happy will make others happy. ~Anne Frank
We forge the chains we wear in life. ~Charles Dickens
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. ~Ernest Hemingway
People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy. ~Anton Chekhov
The most important thing is to enjoy your life, to be happy, it’s all that matters. Audrey Hepburn
Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible. ~St Augustine
It is not how much we have but how much we enjoy that makes happiness. ~Charles Spurgeon
The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet. ~James Oppenheim
Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. ~Robert Brault
I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve. ~Jane Austen
If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more. ~Roy T. Bennett
Who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed? ~Hunter S. Thompson
If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy and inspires your hopes. ~Andrew Carnegie
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. ~Albert Camus
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love and something to hope for. ~Joseph Addison

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Thank you.

15 Quotes by Penny Marshall

01/21/2020 by Roy Sutton

The late film director, producer and actress Penny Marshall was a great talent and I’m sure she’s missed by all who knew her well.

Penny Marshall rose to fame in the 1970s with her role in the hit US television sitcom Laverne & Shirley.

Playing the role of Laverne DeFazio, she was funny and she created a character that has proved to be one of the standout comedy characters from the golden age of situation comedy.

If you’re not familiar with Laverne & Shirley then you can purchase this sitcom on DVD from Amazon. Alternatively there are plenty of clips available on YouTube to give you an idea of how good it was back in the day.

You might also find this ABC News tribute to Penny Marshall well worth a couple of minutes of your time:-

In recent years there has been an improvement in the availability of opportunities for women, particularly in show-business. And that’s how it should be of course.

However we have to admire those strong and talented women from previous generations who managed to succeed at their chosen profession, despite a system that was rigged against them. And in Penny Marshall women had a great role model.

She managed to become a successful director of films, an area of entertainment which is still heavily dominated by men to this day.

She was clearly a very smart lady. So here are 15 quotes by Penny Marshall which reflect her personal philosophy.

Quotes by Penny Marshall:

I think everyone’s mother is slightly nuts. ~Penny Marshall
My family is well and that’s what’s important. ~Penny Marshall
I want you to laugh and cry. That’s what I do. ~Penny Marshall
I wasn’t like a girly girl. I was a tomboy. ~Penny Marshall
If you’re not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life. ~Penny Marshall
I have a strange combination of fearlessness and massive insecurity. ~Penny Marshall
In my opinion, life’s more important than show business. ~Penny Marshall
When I’m working, I’m obsessively working. ~Penny Marshall
I do feel it’s important to entertain people. I try to. ~Penny Marshall
The truth is that I’m not a frump. I just enjoy being laid back. ~Penny Marshall
I would much rather feel comfortable and feel beautiful, than to feel uncomfortable, but look fantastic. ~Penny Marshall
Once I commit to something, I complete it. If I say ‘No,’ I mean ‘No.’ I just have to learn how to say ‘No’ more. ~Penny Marshall
I’ll try anything. What are they gonna do, kick me out of show business? ~Penny Marshall
Movie stars are insecure like everyone else. That’s why they go into acting! ~Penny Marshall
Look at YouTube, how many talented people there are. It’s a whole new world of how to express yourself. I don’t know how to work that world, but take advantage of it. ~Penny Marshall

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Thank you.

15 Quotes by Phyllis Diller

01/20/2020 by Roy Sutton

The late Phyllis Ada Driver or Phyllis Diller as she was better known was one of America’s greatest comic talents.

She was an actress and stand-up comedienne with an eccentric stage persona.

Self-deprecating humor was her stock in trade, together with wild hair, zany clothes and an exaggerated, cackling laugh.

Phyllis Diller was a very funny lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere.

So today I thought it might be quite interesting to explore some of her quotes and observations.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller:

Here are 15 quotes by Phyllis Diller which should make you smile.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! ~Phyllis Diller
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. ~Phyllis Diller
You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type. ~Phyllis Diller
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’ ~Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in. ~Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. ~Phyllis Diller
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea. ~Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. ~Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. ~Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ~Phyllis Diller
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him. ~Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice. ~Phyllis Diller
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss. ~Phyllis Diller
This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball. ~Phyllis Diller
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do. ~Phyllis Diller

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21 witty one liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

01/19/2020 by Roy Sutton

Now do you fancy a bit of a laugh?

Would you like something to make you smile?

You’d love a laugh but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything too long?

Well fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

So today i offer you 21 witty one liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile and I’m confident that at least a few of them will brighten your day too.

If you enjoy a laugh which is concise and razor-sharp then this collection of witty one liners is just for you dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two and have a laugh right now. Please enjoy them all.

Witty One Liners:

I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.” ~Ian Smith
Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once’. ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought: ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be’. ~Paul McCaffrey
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’. ~Paddy Lennox
Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him’. ~Carey Marx
What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed ~Josie Long
I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski

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21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed

01/18/2020 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Life can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day.

To help you with that I’ve been collecting more very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown‘.

However if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

So here they are, 21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

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And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

15 Quotes by George Orwell

01/17/2020 by Roy Sutton

George Orwell was the pen name of the late author Eric Arthur Blair.

As George Orwell he was and he still is widely respected as a novelist, essayist, journalist and critic.

In fact he was arguably one of the great thinkers of the twentieth century, certainly in the English-speaking world.

George Orwell’s best known novels Animal Farm and 1984 are still essential reading for anyone with aspirations of being well-read.

So here are 15 quotes by George Orwell that are I think guaranteed to make you think dear reader.

Quotes by George Orwell:

Big Brother is watching you. ~George Orwell
At fifty everyone has the face he deserves. ~George Orwell
No one can look back on his schooldays and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy. ~George Orwell
If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. ~George Orwell
In our age there is no such thing as keeping out of politics. All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia. ~George Orwell
Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ~George Orwell
Power is not a means, it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. ~George Orwell
Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. ~George Orwell
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. ~George Orwell
But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. ~George Orwell
So much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don’t even know that fire is hot. ~George Orwell
All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ~George Orwell
Society has always to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice. ~George Orwell
Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper. ~George Orwell
Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting. ~George Orwell

Check out George Orwell’s work:

Did you find these quotes interesting?

If you’re unfamiliar with George Orwell’s work you would do well to check it out. He is one of the greatest writers of all time in my opinion.

If you would like to explore the work of George Orwell further then both Animal Farm and 1984 are well worth reading, if you’ve not read them already.

Alternatively you can explore other books by George Orwell on the Amazon website HERE.

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5 truly inspirational quotes

01/16/2020 by Roy Sutton

We can all use a little inspiration occasionally, I’m sure you’ll agree dear reader. So here are what I beleive to be 5 truly inspirational quotes.

Truly Inspirational Quotes:

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid. ~Bernard Meltzer

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller

In a president, character is everything. A president doesn’t have to be brilliant. He doesn’t have to be clever; you can hire clever. You can hire pragmatic, and you can buy and bring in policy wonks. But you can’t buy courage and decency. You can’t rent a strong moral sense. A president must bring those things with him. He needs to have, in that much maligned word, but a good one nonetheless, a vision of the future he wishes to create. But a vision is worth little if a president doesn’t have the character – the courage and heart – to see it through. ~Peggy Noonan

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~Mary Pickford

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them and every day begin the task anew. ~Saint Francis de Sales

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15 Quotes by Groucho Marx

01/15/2020 by Roy Sutton

Groucho Marx, born Julius Henry Marx, was an American comedian, writer, stage, film, radio and television star and part of the successful and immensely popular comedy act known as The Marx Brothers.

Groucho was known for his quick wit and he is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

With his siblings the Marx Brothers, Groucho Marx made 13 feature films but he also had a successful solo career in radio and television.

Here are 15 quotes by Groucho Marx which illustrate his quick wit.

Quotes by Groucho Marx:

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you’ve got it made. ~Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying. ~Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. ~Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early. ~Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others. ~Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ~Groucho Marx
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. ~Groucho Marx
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. ~Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~Groucho Marx
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him. If he says, yes, you know he’s a crook. ~Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~Groucho Marx
Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me? ~Groucho Marx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? ~Groucho Marx

Marx Brothers Movies:

Younger readers may not have experienced the joy of the comedy from Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers. Whilst it may be from to another era, it’s still extremely funny and it is worth checking out if you get the opportunity.

Actually the work of Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers is still available on Amazon. So you can check it out HERE.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

Quotes by Joan Rivers:

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Quotes by Lily Tomlin:

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Quotes by Penny Marshall:

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Quotes by Phyllis Diller:

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Witty One Liners:

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Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

6. What did one hat say to the other?

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Please share these very corny jokes:

Other articles you’ll also find amusing:

Quotes by George Orwell:

Check out George Orwell’s work:

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Truly Inspirational Quotes:

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Quotes by Groucho Marx:

Marx Brothers Movies:

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