How to Answer Tell Me About Yourself in a Job Interview

If you’re wondering how to answer tell me about yourself in a job interview, this article has been written to help you.

Answer ‘Tell me about yourself’ by saying what you do now, sharing one relevant achievement and explaining why you want this job. You’re giving the interviewer a brief professional introduction that makes it easy to see why your experience fits the role.

A job candidate speaks with an interviewer across a meeting-room table.

The open-ended wording can feel daunting, especially at the start of an interview. A clear structure gives you something to lean on while leaving room to speak naturally.

A confident candidate speaks with an attentive recruiter across a desk during a job interview.

Your answer should follow a present-past-future formula: where you are now, evidence from your experience, and why this job is your next step. Think of it as a short career story or elevator pitch, with each detail chosen for this interview.

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Open with your current role or situation and the work most relevant to the vacancy. If you’re studying, seeking your first job or returning after a break, say what you’re doing now and where your focus lies.

Keep the opening plain: “I’m a customer service adviser, and I spend most of my day helping customers resolve account queries.” That gives the interviewer a clear starting point without making you recite your job description.

Pick an example that shows you doing something the new role requires. Briefly explain what you did and what changed because of it: “I helped rewrite our team’s enquiry templates, which made common requests easier for colleagues to handle.”

Your evidence might come from paid work, a university project, or volunteering. Choose an achievement you can discuss comfortably if the interviewer asks how you approached it. A small, specific contribution is more useful than a sweeping claim about being good at everything.

Close by connecting your experience to a responsibility in the job description: “I’d like to use that customer-facing experience in a role where I can also improve the support process.” This tells the interviewer why you applied.

Name the aspect of the work that interests you. If your reason would fit almost any vacancy, make it more specific before the interview.

A job candidate discusses their experience with a recruiter in an office.

Use the job description to decide which parts of your background deserve space in your answer. Your hiring manager needs to hear a clear link between what you’ve done and what the team needs now.

The hiring manager is listening for signs that you understand the role and can explain your contribution clearly. Your opening answer also gives them useful threads to pursue in follow-up questions.

Read the vacancy and identify its central responsibility. For a role focused on handling complaints, an example of resolving a difficult enquiry earns its place in your answer. A broad account of your career can wait until you’re asked for more detail.

Choose a skill you’ve used in practice, then attach it to an outcome. “I organised the handover notes so colleagues could pick up urgent cases” gives the interviewer something concrete to ask about. “I’m highly organised” leaves them to find the evidence themselves.

This opening has a different job from your answer to “Why should we hire you?” You’re introducing your most relevant experience, so select one result that points towards the role and leave your other examples for later questions.

Describe the work you want to do next and show how this position lets you build on what you already know. If you’ve supported projects and want to manage them, mention a project responsibility in the vacancy that attracts you.

Keep your career goals close to the actual job. “I want to take ownership of projects from planning through delivery” tells the interviewer more than a broad ambition to progress.

You can use the same structure at any career stage. Adapt the examples to your own experience, keeping only details you can explain and support in a follow-up question.

Start with your studies or recent experience, then choose a project that shows how you work. Coursework, part-time work and volunteering all give you material when you haven’t yet held a full-time role.

“I’ve recently completed my degree, where I particularly enjoyed work that involved explaining complex information clearly. For a group project, I brought our research together into a presentation that gave everyone a clear part to deliver. My part-time customer service work also taught me to listen carefully before responding. I’m interested in this trainee role because it combines those communication skills with the chance to learn from an experienced team.”

Replace the group project with one that matches the vacancy. Be ready to explain your personal contribution, especially when the work was shared.

Lead with the work you’re doing now and choose an achievement that shows the level of responsibility you’re ready to take on. You have plenty of possible examples; the useful one is the closest match to this role.

“I currently coordinate the day-to-day work of a support team, including allocating enquiries and helping colleagues with complex cases. When we found that handovers were causing delays, I introduced a clearer way to record outstanding actions, which made cases easier for the next person to pick up. I enjoy improving how a team works, and this role appeals to me because I’d have more responsibility for shaping the support process.”

Keep the account of earlier jobs brief. The handover example gives the interviewer a natural opening to ask about your approach.

Begin with the work you do now, then show your transferable skills in action. Make the connection to the new field explicit so the interviewer doesn’t have to work it out.

“I currently work in hospitality, where I handle bookings and help resolve problems when plans change. I’ve become used to prioritising requests calmly and keeping people informed. Recently, I helped reorganise our booking notes so the next shift had the information it needed. I’m applying for this administrator role because I’d like to use those coordination skills in a position focused on keeping a busy office running smoothly.”

You can adjust the final sentence to name the task that drew you to the vacancy. Your reason for changing direction should point towards the work you want to do.

State where you are now without feeling obliged to explain private circumstances. Move promptly to a relevant example from your previous work or activity during the break.

“I’m returning to work after a career break, and I’m looking for a role where I can use my experience supporting customers. In my previous position, I handled enquiries that needed careful follow-up and kept colleagues updated until each issue was resolved. I’ve also been refreshing my knowledge of the systems used in this kind of work. This role interests me because I’d be helping customers directly while contributing to a team.”

Use the preparation detail only if it’s true for you. Your strongest evidence may still come from your earlier employment.

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Practise the order of your points and the example you want to tell, while allowing the wording to change. That preparation helps you stay focused when you’re nervous and respond to the person in front of you.

Aim for 60 to 90 seconds when you practise aloud. That gives you room to introduce yourself, explain one achievement and make the link to the job without turning your opening into a long speech; a 90-second professional introduction is also a useful model for keeping your story focused.

Time a few attempts, then trim background detail if you run long. If you finish quickly, add a little context to your achievement: what needed doing, what you did and what happened next. You don’t need to rush to meet a precise time.

Ask a friend or careers adviser to run a mock interview and pose the question without showing you your notes. Have them interrupt with a natural follow-up, such as “What was your part in that?” Practising the exchange helps you move beyond a memorised speech.

Afterwards, ask which example they remembered and where they wanted more detail. Adjust your answer around that feedback. Keep a few prompt words on your preparation notes, then practise speaking from those prompts without reading a script.

The two main mistakes are giving the interviewer too much history and making claims without a useful example. Your opening works best when each detail helps explain your fit for this vacancy.

Avoid walking through every job from the beginning. The interviewer has your CV; use this answer to draw attention to the experience you want to discuss first.

If you have a long career, start with your current work and reach back only as far as your chosen achievement requires. You can cover other roles when the interviewer asks about them. If your path has changed direction, a brief connecting sentence will do: “That role is where I first became interested in training colleagues.”

Keep personal information tied to the work where it helps explain your interest or skills. You don’t need to account for every part of your life, including the reasons behind a break, in your opening answer.

Replace claims such as “I’m a hard worker” with something you did. You’ll sound more assured describing a specific problem you helped solve, even if the result was modest. Check that you can answer the likely follow-up: “How did you do that?”

A strong first answer gives the interviewer a clear picture of your current position, one piece of evidence and your reason for applying. Choose those details from the job description, then practise saying them aloud in your own words.

Before the interview, write down your three prompts: now, achievement, next step. Use them to guide a 60- to 90-second answer, and leave the interviewer with an example they can ask you about.

Phil Sutton

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21 inspirational quotes about business

If you’re looking for quotes about business, today’s post is for you.

Let’s face it, if you want to get seriously rich, having your own business is probably the best, if not the only, way to do it.

You’re unlikely to achieve it any other way, unless you’re a Hollywood A-lister, an investment banker on Wall Street, or a top player in the NFL, the English Premier League, or the Indian Premier League.

Otherwise, very few jobs would provide you with the means to get seriously rich beyond your dreams.

Certainly, that would be true for most people.

Now, many successful entrepreneurs have shared their thoughts in quotes about business that resonate with this idea.

These quotes about business highlight the importance of perseverance and innovation in achieving success.

However, business is not for the faint-hearted, and it’s important to recognize this.

You’ll need to think big, and you must be prepared to take calculated risks.

And as many quotes about business suggest, hard work is essential if you’re going to succeed in this field.

QUOTES ABOUT BUSINESS
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There is no such thing as easy money. Your business must add value to people’s lives.

Adding value means offering customers products that provide them with real solutions to their problems.

You must offer good customer service too.

Great products and exceptional customer service will certainly attract customers, but the other key ingredient for business success is to manage money carefully, particularly when it comes to costs.

Money will flow into your business, and money will flow out too. The trick is to make sure that MONEY IN always exceeds MONEY OUT. And that’s easier said than done.

Get it the other way around for too long, and your business will go bankrupt.

Many of these insightful quotes about business can inspire you to overcome challenges and achieve your goals.

Business success can be yours, but you have to be serious about it, and you have to be professional too.

That said, it can be done, and people do. And if other people can do it, so can you.

Here are 21 inspirational quotes about business to help you think about it.

Quotes About Business (1-10):

  1. A satisfied customer is the best business strategy of all. ~Michael LeBoeuf
  2. If you don’t drive your business, you will be driven out of business. ~BC Forbes
  3. It’s not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts. ~Will Rogers
  4. Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art. ~Andy Warhol
  5. The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows. ~Aristotle Onassis
  6. An organization, no matter how well designed, is only as good as the people who live and work in it. ~Dee Hock
  7. There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. ~Colin Powell
  8. A brand for a company is like a reputation for a person. You earn a reputation by trying to do hard things well. ~Jeff Bezos
  9. If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem. ~ Paul Getty
  10. If you’re trying to create a company, it’s like baking a cake. You have to have all the ingredients in the right proportion. ~Elon Musk
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Quotes About Business (11-21):

  1. All lasting business is built on friendship. ~Alfred A. Montapert
  2. A company is only as good as the people it keeps. ~Mary Kay Ash
  3. A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. ~Henry Ford
  4. I like Mr. Gorbachev; we can do business together. ~Margaret Thatcher
  5. More business is lost every year through neglect than through any other cause. ~Rose Kennedy
  6. In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later. ~Harold Geneen
  7. In modern business, it is not the crook who is to be feared most; it is the honest man who doesn’t know what he is doing. ~William Wordsworth
  8. It takes more than capital to swing business. You’ve got to have the A. I. D. degree to get by – Advertising, Initiative, and Dynamics. ~Isaac Asimov
  9. Business is simple. Money comes in, and money goes out. The skill is in making sure the former exceeds the latter, so you make a profit. ~Roy Sutton
  10. Profit in business comes from repeat customers, customers that boast about your project or service, and that bring friends with them. ~W Edwards Deming
  11. There is only one boss; the customer. And he [or she] can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his [or her] money somewhere else. ~Sam Walton
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Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

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15 Quotes by Barbara Sher to inspire you

Today, I offer you 15 quotes by Barbara Sher, and I hope they will prove to be inspirational for you, dear reader.

Barbara Sher is best known as a speaker, a career and lifestyle coach, and an author. She is, in fact, a voice of authority for self-help advice-seekers everywhere.

Barbara Sher’s books have sold millions of copies worldwide, and they’ve been translated into many languages.

She’s made numerous appearances on television shows in the United States, including Oprah, The Today Show, 60 Minutes, CNN, and Good Morning America. Her own public television specials also air regularly in the United States.

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QUOTES BY BARBARA SHER
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 Quotes by Barbara Sher:

  1. Our dreams are who we are. ~Barbara Sher
  2. Change is not only likely, it’s inevitable. ~Barbara Sher
  3. Doing is a quantum leap from imagining. ~Barbara Sher
  4. The cure for sorrow is to learn something. ~Barbara Sher
  5. You don’t have to get it right the first time. ~Barbara Sher
  6. Resentment is weak and lowers your self-esteem. ~Barbara Sher
  7. When you play it too safe, you’re taking the biggest risk of your life. Time is the only wealth we’re given. ~Barbara Sher
  8. You can learn new things at any time in your life if you’re willing to be a beginner. If you actually learn to like being a beginner, the whole world opens up to you. ~Barbara Sher
  9. Imaginary obstacles are insurmountable. Real ones aren’t. ~Barbara Sher
  10. It’s essential to distinguish between events that are really beyond your control and events you caused yourself. ~Barbara Sher
  11. You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning. ~Barbara Sher
  12. The amount of good luck coming your way depends on your willingness to act. ~Barbara Sher
  13. Real obstacles don’t take you in circles. They can be overcome. Invented ones are like a maze. ~Barbara Sher
  14. When you start using senses you’ve neglected, your reward is to see the world with completely fresh eyes. ~Barbara Sher
  15. Every single one of us can do things that no one else can do – can love things that no one else can love. We are like violins. We can be used for doorstops, or we can make music. You know what to do. ~Barbara Sher

Barbara Sher Quotes in Video: 

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30 profound quotes that will make you think

Today, I offer you 30 profound quotes that will make you think.

These are some of the best quotes I’ve read recently. And I’ve already used a few of them in presentations I’ve made in the past few weeks.

They’re all wise quotes that will have you reflecting on the meaning of life itself.

So they’re well worth a minute or two of your time, and I’m sure you’ll agree that they’re some of the best quotes you will read anywhere.

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Profound quotes:

  1. The third-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it’s thinking. ~AA Milne
  2. Education is not the learning of many facts but the training of the mind to think. ~Albert Einstein
  3. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. ~Confucius
  4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are. ~Kurt Cobain
  5. We all make choices in life but in the end, our choices make us. ~Author Unknown
  6. We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever. The goal is to create something that will. ~Chuck Palahniuk
  7. Those who play by the book will always be beaten by those who write their own. ~Author Unknown
  8. The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why. ~Mark Twain
  9. When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. ~Franklin D Roosevelt
  10. The grass is greener where you water it. ~Neil Barringham
  11. The wise man knows that it’s better to sit on the banks of a remote mountain stream than to be emperor of the whole world. ~Zhuangzi
  12. You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you didn’t know. ~William Wilberforce
  13. Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains. ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau
  14. The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
  15. Society in every state is a blessing but government even in its best state is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one. ~Thomas Paine
  16. We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  17. An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men. ~Charles Darwin
  18. History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamour of the bad people but the appalling silence of the good people. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  19. People know what they do; frequently they know why they do what they do, but what they don’t know is what they do does. ~Michel Foucault
  20. Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. ~Dandemis
  21. Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong. ~Thomas Jefferson
  22. If a triangle could speak, it would say, in like manner, that God is eminently triangular, while a circle would say that the divine nature is eminently circular. Thus, each would ascribe to God its own attributes, would assume itself to be like God, and look on everything else as ill-shaped. ~Baruch Spinoza
  23. The shield may be as important for victory as the sword or spear. ~Charles Darwin
  24. Whatever is my right as a man is also the right of another; and it becomes my duty to guarantee as well as to possess. ~Thomas Paine
  25. Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if everyone is for it. ~William Penn
  26. Never was anything great achieved without danger. ~Niccolò Machiavelli
  27. It is better to die upon your feet than to live upon your knees. ~Emiliano Zapata
  28. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ~Aristotle
  29. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. ~Lao Tzu
  30. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained. ~Marie Curie
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People really do love quotes, so share this post now. You might just inspire a friend to take the next big step forward in life. When you share, everyone wins.

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11 wise sayings about life lessons and what they mean

Today, dear reader, I offer you 11 wise sayings about life lessons, along with some observations on what I believe they mean for your life.

I hope you find this valuable and interesting.

WISE SAYINGS ABOUT LIFE LESSONS
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Wise sayings about life lessons:

1. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ~English Proverb

When visiting a foreign country with a different culture from your own, the best way to get along with the local people is to respect their culture and customs.

Essentially, it’s all about respecting and adhering to their way of life, as far as reasonably possible.

Respect people and they’ll appreciate it.

Learn a little bit of their language and you’ll connect with them. They won’t mind if you don’t get all the words and pronunciation completely correct. It’ll probably make them smile a little, and they’ll appreciate your effort.

Treat people with respect and they’ll treat you with respect. It’s that simple.

2. Be contrary and be known. ~Arab Proverb

If you want to get noticed, a ‘me too’ approach to life is unlikely to take you very far. When you’re just like everyone else, how can you stand out in the crowd?

If you want to get noticed, then you need to offer something a bit different, surely?

To stand out in the crowd, you’ll need to dress differently, have an unusual hairstyle or offer something new.

Go against the accepted thinking of the day and you’ll get noticed.

Suggest something that goes against the received wisdom of the day, and people might listen if you back up your observation with a reasoned argument.

Be different, be contrary, and you’ll get noticed.

Back it up with real substance, and you will make a permanent impression on public consciousness.

Elvis Presley was not like anything that went before him, nor were The Beatles.

These were people who had a look, style and approach all of their own. They made a genuine impact, and they changed people’s outlook on life permanently.

In other words, they made their mark, and you can too.

3. A beautiful thing is never perfect. ~Egyptian Proverb

There’s no such thing as perfect, certainly not when it comes to people.

We’re all imperfect in some way.

However, that’s what makes us interesting as individuals. It’s also what makes it easier for other people to live with us because no matter how good we are in some way, there are also ways in which we are not quite so good.

So accept your imperfections. Work to your strengths, minimise your weaknesses and do the best you can with whatever you have at your disposal. If you do that, you can succeed.

4. There’s no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out. ~Russian Proverb

How often do people refrain from asking a question for fear that they might look a little stupid? Does that ring a bell with you, dear reader?

We’ve probably all done it at some point in our lives, wouldn’t you agree?

However, it’s rather silly if you think about it.

None of us can know everything, can we? There will always be gaps in our knowledge, that’s for sure.

So if you don’t know something, surely it’s better to find out? It’s better to ask a question, even if you appear foolish momentarily.

People might laugh, but so what?

Intelligent people ask questions, and it’s better to look like a fool momentarily than proceed in ignorance. You may look like a fool for not knowing but you’ll look like an even bigger fool if you screw up because you didn’t ask.

Never, ever be afraid to ask a question if you don’t know.

That way you’ll learn. In any other way, and you’ll never learn. Remember: Intelligent people ask questions.

5. Experience is not always the kindest of teachers, but it’s surely the best. ~Spanish Proverb

Education is a wonderful thing, I’m sure you’ll agree.

However, the best teacher by a country mile is the School of Hard Knocks at the University of Life.

Making mistakes and getting your fingers burned teaches you lessons you’ll never forget. And those lessons are invaluable.

That’s what they call experience, and experience is indeed a valuable commodity.

Experience is the basis of all wisdom.

It’s also an essential element in finding out what you’re good at and what you enjoy.

And if you can find that sweet spot where what you’re good at coincides with what you enjoy doing, then you really will begin to shine. So shine on, my friend.

6. Having two ears and one tongue, we should listen twice as much as we speak. ~Turkish Proverb

How often are we so keen to get our point across that we don’t listen to what the other person has to say? That’s a mistake.

Listening is one of the most important skills you can develop.

To quote Stephen R. Covey, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

To understand someone else’s point, you must listen first.

Listening is not the same as hearing.

Hearing is simply being aware of the sounds going on around you.

Listening is absorbing what is being said and considering it carefully.

Listening requires both your ears and your brain to be engaged simultaneously.

Naturally, you want to feel that your perspective matters.

If you listen to people first, not only will they appreciate it, but they’ll also start listening to you. If you’re showing them respect, then they’ll do the same to you.

By listening to each other, we can begin to understand each other.

And if we understand each other, we have the basis for getting along together.

So listen more and talk less.

In this way, the world might just become a better place. Let’s hope so anyway.

7. It’s better to die than to live on with a bad reputation. ~Vietnamese Proverb

Some time ago, a friend of mine was working for a retailer and foolishly did something dishonest. The result was that he lost his job and damaged his reputation in the process.

Only when he began to realise how much damage he’d done to his reputation did he begin to realise how foolish he’d been.

Damaging your reputation can have serious consequences, and you can often feel the impact of that for many years after the original indiscretion.

So, protect and value your reputation.

It’s one of the most important commodities you have to offer.

Whether you’re in employment or self-employed, you’ll always be judged on your reputation. A bad reputation can lead to harsh judgment.

8. A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. ~Greek Proverb

Your legacy in life will be based on what you’ve done for other people, regardless of whether you’ve benefitted from it yourself.

That’s how you’ll be remembered.

A civilised society depends on each of us making a contribution toward the greater good. We cannot just leave it all to someone else.

If you want your grandchildren and their children to enjoy a well-ordered and civilised society, then you must be prepared to do something the result of which you may never see. The payoff for you will simply be the knowledge that future generations will benefit from your altruism.

Leaving something that enriches the lives of future generations would be a real and genuine legacy, wouldn’t you agree?

9. God gives the nuts, but he doesn’t crack them. ~German proverb

You can’t expect everything to be done for you.

At some point, you have to do something for yourself.

If everything is done for you, you’ll never learn; you’ll never develop new skills, and you’ll never be able to deal with life.

So don’t try to avoid the chore, embrace it with enthusiasm and recognise that it’s in your own best interests to act.

10. A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~Chinese Proverb

Criticism can be uncomfortable, so it’s easy to be swayed by the majority view. However, how can we be sure that the majority view is correct? Perhaps they’re all wrong.

Just because a lot of people think something is so, it doesn’t mean that they have a monopoly on knowledge and common sense.

Rather than simply following the herd, it’s much better to consider a situation carefully, weighing the various possibilities, and then form your own opinion or make an informed decision.

Think for yourself; don’t allow the herd to impose their thinking on you.

11. Every ass loves to hear himself bray. ~Proverb of Unknown Origin

As the old saying goes, empty vessels make the most sound.

However, just because someone can talk a good game doesn’t mean they can play a good game.

People who are truly skilled at something will demonstrate it through their actions, not their words. They’ll leave the talking to other people.

You’ll never impress anyone by singing your own praises.

However, you’ll win them over if you can demonstrate your effectiveness through the results you deliver.

So go on, show people what you can do.

Phil Sutton
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5 funny stories with a twist that’ll make you laugh

If you need a laugh, then here are five funny stories with a twist, which might just help.

I thought they were all funny, and I hope you do too.

Please enjoy them all, and then feel free to pass them on.

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Funny stories with a twist:

1. The Jigsaw Puzzle:

Joe lives next door to a slightly dotty old lady in her 90s named Mabel.

One day, Joe gets a phone call from Mabel, and she says to him, “Joe, can you please come over and help me? I’ve got a complicated jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”

So Joe thinks for a second, and then he asks Mabel, “What’s the picture meant to be when it’s finished, Mabel?”

“The picture on the box is a rooster,” Mabel responds.

Joe’s busy, but Mabel’s a dear old lady, so he decides to go over to help her.

Mabel welcomes Joe and escorts him into her dining room, where the box and its contents are all over her dining table.

Joe surveys the situation in front of him, and then he turns to Mabel and says, “Mabel, I have to tell you, there’s no way we’ll be assembling these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

“Why’s that, Joe?” Mable asks.

Joe smiles benevolently and then says, “Mabel, why don’t you make me a nice cup of tea?”

“OK, Joe,” says Mabel with a smile.

And then Joe sighs deeply and says, “While you’re making the tea, I’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”

2. Finding Work:

Jim is a young guy living in a small town who failed to graduate from high school.

Having left school, his father says to him, “Son, you failed high school, but you’re a man now, so you must contribute some money to the household if you want to live here. So, get a job or you’ll have to find somewhere else to live.”

Naturally, Jim’s concerned about finding work without any qualifications. The local economy is in bad shape, and work prospects in the area are slim, at best.

However, there are three factories in town willing to hire the unskilled, but they all have bad reputations as employers.

Having little choice, Jim gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the best of the three.

His first day was truly awful, and he hates the place. Everyone is so miserable, and people don’t speak with each other. Nevertheless, Jim is determined he’ll stick it out and try to make the best of it.

Two weeks go by, and Jim gets his first paycheck.

It isn’t much, but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, this isn’t good enough. I’m not happy at all.”

Jim panics and says, “Pa, I’ll do better. Don’t kick me out. Just give me a chance.”

He then goes out and gets himself a job at the factory, widely regarded as the second-best of the three.

His experience on the first day in his new job is even worse than before. People look downtrodden and broken by their miserable lives. Everyone’s unhappy.

However, Jim’s determined that he won’t let his father down.

Two weeks go by, and Jim gets his first paycheck.

Again, it isn’t much, but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, what are you thinking? This isn’t good enough either.”

Well, Jim feels awful. However, he goes out and gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the worst in town.

The experience of his first day is the saddest you can imagine. Other employees are sobbing, and some seem to think ending it all might be preferable to their miserable existence.

Every day is a struggle for Jim, but he sticks at it, and after two weeks, he gets his first paycheck.

Fearing his father’s reaction, Jim stumbles home, broken and assuming his fate would be to be thrown out onto the street.

He gets home and hands his father the check, fearing the worst.

His father looks at the check, then looks Jim in the eye and says, “Son, this is OK now. You’ve done a saddest factory job.”

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3. The Math Test:

The coach of a college football team walked into the locker room before a game and said to his star player, “Listen, buddy, I’m not supposed to let you play because you failed your last math test. However, I need you out there for this game. So, I’ll ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

“OK,” says the player, “go ahead, coach.”

“Right, now you’ll need to think hard,” says the coach. “What is five multiplied by five?”

The player thought momentarily and then said, “Coach, I’m not sure, but I think it’s 25.”

“25!” exclaimed the coach, excited.

“Oh, come on, coach,” the other players all immediately shouted in unison. “Give him another chance!”

4. Trying Out for the Team:

A freshman built like a battle tank tried out for the college football team.

“Can you tackle?” asked the coach.

“Sure, coach,” says the guy, “No problem!” With that, he proceeds to charge at a wooden telephone pole, shattering it into splinters.

“Impressive,” says the coach. “Can you run?”

“Yes, sir, coach. Watch me!” says the guy. With that, he runs 100 meters, finishing in less than 10 seconds.

“That’s fantastic,” says the coach, truly impressed. “But the question now is, can you pass the ball?”

“Well,” says the freshman, choosing his words carefully, “if I can swallow it, then I guess I’ll be able to pass it.”

5. Cure for Coughing:

Johnny was a clerk in a drugstore, but he wasn’t very good at his job. However hard he tried, he could never find the item the customer wanted.

His boss, Bert, had had enough of him, and he gave Johnny a warning that unless he started making sales immediately, he’d have to let him go.

As luck would have it, within minutes, a man walks into the drugstore with a cough, and he asks Johnny for their best cough syrup.

Though he tried hard, Johnny couldn’t find the cough syrup. However, with Bert’s warning still ringing in his ears, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax with the recommendation that he consume the contents all at once.

The customer did as he was told and then walked into the street and promptly leaned up against a lamppost.

Now Bert had been observing Johnny’s performance from afar, and he came over and asked him what had transpired.

“Well, boss, he wanted cough syrup, but I couldn’t find it, so I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take them all at once,” said Johnny.

“That’s absurd! Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough,” Bert reacted angrily.

“Sure it will,” said Johnny. “Look at him now, leaning on that lamppost. He’s too afraid to cough.”

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Dear reader, did these funny stories with a twist make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

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35 funny quotes about life guaranteed to make you smile

Today I’m in a philosophical mood, so I thought I’d explore some funny quotes about life. Every quote on the list I’ve curated made me smile, so I hope at least a few of them make you smile, too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all, and please feel free to share them with your friends.

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFE
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Funny quotes about life (1-10):

  1. A wise man once said nothing.
  2. Life’s short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  3. I’m not lazy. I’m just in energy-saving mode.
  4. Life’s hard, but it’s even harder if you’re stupid.
  5. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
  6. Life can be summed up in three words. It goes on.
  7. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
  8. Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.
  9. Life is like ice cream. You must enjoy it before it melts.
  10. I’d like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money.
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Funny quotes about life (11-20):

  1. Life can be a handful. That’s why you’ve got two hands.
  2. You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
  3. Housework probably won’t kill you, but why take the risk?
  4. Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.
  5. Life was easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
  6. Stressed, spelled backwards, is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
  7. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  8. Always borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
  9. Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
  10. I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is.
Phil Sutton

Funny quotes about life (21-35):

  1. The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.
  2. If you think you’re too small to be effective, try sleeping with a mosquito.
  3. Revenge sounds so mean. Better just to think of it as returning the favour.
  4. You may call them swear words but to me, they’re just sentence enhancers.
  5. There are three things a woman needs in life. Food, water, and compliments.
  6. They say you attract what you fear. Well, $10 million scares the life out of me.
  7. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
  8. I made a giant ‘To Do List’ for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it all.
  9. You need three bones to succeed in life. A backbone, a wishbone, and a funny bone.
  10. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never seem to use it.
  11. You never know how much you’ve got in life until you decide to de-clutter your house.
  12. When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
  13. Dear life, when I said, “Can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
  14. Never trust people who smile constantly. Either they’re selling something or they’re not very bright.
  15. During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. When I hear a strange noise in the middle of the night, I’m more open-minded.
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15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly

Billy Connolly is known to millions worldwide as an irreverent comedian with a laser-sharp wit and an exceptional storyteller.

Often known affectionately as The Big Yin, his contribution to popular entertainment, particularly in Britain, has been enormous over the past 40 years.

He started working as a welder in the Glasgow shipyards and moved on to a career as a folk singer, initially with Gerry Rafferty and then as a solo artist.

Through that, he gradually found his natural calling, which was to make us all laugh and cheer us up. And at this, he excels.

Through his work as a comedian, he’s broadened his popular appeal through acting and presenting. In recognition of his achievements and his charitable work, he is now formally Sir William Connolly, CBE.

Billy Connolly is an excellent example of someone who, by finding something he both enjoys and excels at, has been very successful.

So today, dear reader, I offer you 15 very funny one-liners by Billy Connolly just to remind you of how witty he is. Enjoy them all.

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Funny one-liners by Billy Connolly:

  1. Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on. ~Billy Connolly
  2. Marriage is a wonderful invention. Then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~Billy Connolly
  3. My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. ~Billy Connolly
  4. Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time? ~Billy Connolly
  5. I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. ~Billy Connolly
  6. I don’t know why I should have to learn algebra. I’m never likely to go there. ~Billy Connolly
  7. If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name? ~Billy Connolly
  8. A lot of people say it’s a lack of vocabulary that makes you swear. Rubbish. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer f***. ~Billy Connolly
  9. What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find? ~Billy Connolly
  10. When people say, ‘It’s always the last place you look,”. Of course, it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it? ~Billy Connolly
  11. When something is ‘new and improved!’ which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it. ~Billy Connolly
  12. Why do people say, ‘Oh, you want to have your cake and eat it too?’ Dead right! What good is a cake if you can’t eat it? ~Billy Connolly
  13. A bird in the hand invariably sh*ts on your wrist. ~Billy Connolly
  14. When you’re waiting for the bus and someone asks, ‘Has the bus come yet?’ If the bus came, would I be standing here?  ~Billy Connolly
  15. My advice to you if you want to lose a bit of weight: don’t eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard. ~Billy Connolly
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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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33 wise quotes that will make you think

Well, today I offer you 33 wise quotes, which I hope will prove truly useful to you, dear reader.

If nothing else, I’m confident they’ll make you think.

Enjoy them all, and feel free to share them.

WISE QUOTES
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Wise Quotes (1-11):

  1. Before God, we are all equally wise and equally foolish. ~Albert Einstein
  2. The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure but to avoid pain. ~Aristotle
  3. The wise man does at once what the fool does finally. ~Niccolo Machiavelli
  4. A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~Grantland Rice
  5. Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor. ~Sholom Aleichem
  6. If something cannot be subjected to scrutiny and criticism, then it’s probably not a good idea in the first place. ~Tom Irwell
  7. If the world is to be a better place, then we should all focus on those things we have in common and not those factors that make us different. ~Roy Sutton
  8. The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  9. Other people may not like what you choose to do but as long as you’re not hurting anyone else then it’s your business and yours alone. You weren’t put on this earth just to please other people. ~Roy Sutton
  10. Too many people think only of their own profit. But business opportunity seldom knocks on the door of self-centred people. No customer ever goes to a store merely to please the storekeeper. ~Kazuo Inamori
  11. Remaining loyal to the circumstances into which you were born is not a noble act. It’s perfectly reasonable to want more from life. Just because you were born poor doesn’t mean you have to remain poor. ~Joseph Crosby
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Wise Quotes (12-22):

  1. Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  2. A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool. ~William Shakespeare
  3. A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer. ~Bruce Lee
  4. Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. ~Author Unknown
  5. With gambling, there’s only one consistent winner, and that’s the casino. That’s why they’re in business. ~Roy Sutton
  6. Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca
  7. A promotion at work is not a reward for what you’ve done in the past; it’s an opportunity to show what you can do in the future. ~Joseph Crosby
  8. You don’t decide your future. You make choices in life, and those choices determine your future. Choices matter. So, learn to make good ones. ~Roy Albert Corker
  9. A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether. ~Roy H. Williams
  10. We must deal with reality as it is, not how we like it to be. We must protect ourselves and our interests because no one will do it for us. That’s life, whether we like it or not. ~Author Unknown
  11. Get to know and be inspired by people who fit the future you want. Don’t allow those from your past to limit your ambition. A better life can be yours with determination and hard work. ~Author Unknown
Phil Sutton

Wise Quotes (23-33):

  1. There is only a finger’s difference between a wise man and a fool. ~Diogenes
  2. He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. ~Lao Tzu
  3. Rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men. ~Harry Day
  4. The wise man doesn’t give the right answers, he poses the right questions. ~Claude Levi-Strauss
  5. He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not but rejoices for those which he has. ~Epictetus
  6. The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. ~Thomas Szasz
  7. Never believe that you cannot be fooled, because there’s gullibility in all of us, at least to some degree. That’s what scammers rely on. Be on your guard. Always! ~Roy Sutton
  8. The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise. ~Alden Nowlan
  9. If your job can be done from anywhere, then someone anywhere can do your job. So, when companies are looking to save money, to increase their profits, what do you think they’ll do? ~Tom Irwell
  10. If you look around at successful people, the movers and shakers are those who are positive, who won’t take no for an answer, and who make things happen – either for themselves or for others. ~Carole Spiers
  11. Some people will stick with the same old style because they lack confidence. They simply don’t have the confidence to try wearing something different. Don’t be afraid to update your image occasionally. We all must move with the times. ~Roy Sutton
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27 Quotes by Socrates that will inspire you

27 Quotes by Socrates

Today, I am exploring quotes by Socrates.

When you think about it, we can’t be certain that Socrates existed, as he was born around 469 BC. That was a long time before real records began.

However, Socrates is regarded as a classical Greek philosopher and is considered the first moral philosopher. He’s been credited as one of the founders of Western philosophy.

Historical records suggest that he didn’t write anything during his lifetime, and his philosophy is therefore known primarily through the written accounts of other classical scholars.

It is, therefore, difficult to determine whether he spoke any of the quotes attributed to him.

Nevertheless, the philosophy credited to him is worthy of our consideration and further reflection. Here are 27 quotes by Socrates that will make you think, I am sure.

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QUOTES BY SOCRATES
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Quotes by Socrates (1-10):

  1. Be as you wish to seem.
  2. Wisdom begins in wonder.
  3. Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
  4. It is not living that matters, but living rightly.
  5. Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
  6. The deepest desires often become the deadliest hate.
  7. The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
  8. I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live.
  9. Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior.
  10. Marry, by all means. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

Quotes by Socrates (11-20):

  1. The poets are only the interpreters of the gods.
  2. I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
  3. The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
  4. From the deepest desires often comes the deadliest hate.
  5. Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind.
  6. False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
  7. He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.
  8. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear.
  9. If a man is proud of his wealth, he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
  10. He is a man of courage who does not run away but remains at his post and fights against the enemy.

Quotes by Socrates (21-27):

  1. The unexamined life is not worth living.
  2. Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.
  3. Be slow to fall into friendship, but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.
  4. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear.
  5. Worthless people live only to eat and drink. People of worth eat and drink only to live.
  6. True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us.
  7. If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
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