5 Really funny jokes I know you’ll just love

If you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then I’ve got five good ones today. I’m confident you’ll love them all.

So take a few moments to enjoy them, and then please pass them on to your friends.

Really funny jokes:

1. A companion for Adam:

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden, feeling very lonely.

So he went to God and said, “Lord, I’m lonely. I’ve got no one to talk to.

God smiled at Adam and said, “I was thinking about giving you a companion called Woman.”

Woman?” Adam responded, quizzically.

Yes”, said God. “She’ll cook for you; clean for you; and wash your clothes. She’ll bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to help care for them. She’ll agree to whatever you say. She’ll never nag you and always admit when she’s wrong. She won’t bear a grudge, and she’ll dress to please you. And of course, she’ll make love to you whenever you want her to.

Wow,”  said Adam. “That sounds fantastic. How much would a woman like that cost me?

An arm and a leg,”  God replied.

Oh!” said Adam. “What can I get for a rib?

2. Following orders:

At Fort Leavenworth, three platoon sergeants are standing together on the parade ground, discussing which one of them has the bravest men.

Sergeant O’Malley calls one of his men over and says, “Climb that flagpole, and when you get to the top, jump off. That’s an order, soldier!

The soldier follows the order and, in jumping off, breaks his leg.

Sergeant O’Malley looks at his colleagues and says, “That’s how tough my men are.”

Not to be outdone, Sergeant Rivera calls over one of his men and says, “Climb onto the roof of the administration block over there, and when you get on the roof, jump off. That’s an order, soldier!

The soldier follows the order and, in jumping off, breaks both legs.

Sergeant Rivera looks at his colleagues and says, “I think that proves my men are tougher.”

Finally, Sergeant Kowalski calls over one of his men and says, “Get in that helicopter over there, and when the pilot gets to 1,000 feet, jump out. That’s an order, soldier!

The soldier looks at him and laughs before replying, “Screw you, sergeant. You can stick your order where the sun don’t shine.

Sergeant Kowalski looks at his colleagues and says, “Gentlemen, I think you’ll agree; that is real bravery!

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3. Accidental transposition:

A hiker staggers into a pub in a remote part of County Mayo, Ireland. He’s shaken, his clothes are torn, and he’s full of scratches.

What has happened to you?” the bartender asks, as he pours a large Bushmills for the hiker to help with the shock.

The hiker sips his whiskey and then says, “I was attacked by a leopard!

Really?” says the bartender.

Yes, really! A leopard! In Ireland!” the hiker responds. He takes another sip of whiskey and then says, “Naturally, I tried to run, but you can’t outrun a leopard, can you?

No,”  the bartender responds sympathetically, before saying. “So, what happened then?”

“Well,” says the hiker, it knocked me to the ground; we rolled around a bit, but weirdly enough, it then just gave me a sad look and left.

Ah, you met Father Brennan,” the bartender responds knowingly.

What do you mean?” asks the hiker, confused.

Father Brennan was our parish priest,” says the bartender. “He was a kind-hearted man, totally committed to serving his congregation. One day, a year or so ago, he was out walking, and he found a lamp with a genie. He was granted a wish, and he said that all he wanted was to be a good shepherd to the community.”

Looking slightly puzzled, the hiker said, “I don’t understand; what’s a shepherd got to do with it?

Ah, well, there you have it,” says the bartender, “You have to be careful when you’re prone to spoonerisms.”

4. Going away with the boss:

George called his wife one day from the office and said, “Honey, I’ve been asked to go fishing on a lake up in Wyoming with my boss and a couple of his friends, and we’re leaving tonight. We’ll be away for the rest of the week.

Really?” his wife, Jane, responded.

Look, I know it’s a bit short notice,” George responded, “but this will be a great opportunity for me to schmooze with the boss and press for that promotion I’ve been chasing.

OK, I guess I’ll just have to live with it then,” said Jane.

I’ll need your help, though,” said George. “I need you to pack enough clothes for the rest of the week and set out my rod and tackle box. I’ll stop by and collect them later. Oh, can you pack my new blue silk pyjamas too please?”

Jane thought his last request was a little suspicious, but she did as he asked.

When George returned from his trip, Jane asked him how it had gone.

I’m a bit tired,”  said George, “but otherwise, it was a great trip.”

“Did you catch many fish?” Jane inquired.

“Oh, yes!” George responded. “The fish were biting, and I caught more than anyone else. But, how come you didn’t pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked?”

“I did, honey!” said Jane. “They were in your tackle box.”

Phil Sutton

5. The monkey and the lion:

It was a warm afternoon in Serengeti National Park.

Two monkeys were sitting high in a tall tree, watching a lion sleep peacefully on the ground far below.

One of the monkeys said to the other, “Hey, I dare you to go down and give that lion a kick in the butt.

The other monkey was always up for a dare, and so he agreed immediately.

Yes, I can do that,”  said the monkey. And with that, he ran down the tree.

Once on the ground, he walked around the lion to check if it was still asleep. Then he went to the rear of the lion and kicked it as hard as he could in the butt.

Woken suddenly, the lion roared, and the monkey started running as fast as he could.

The lion was angry and gave chase immediately.

Needless to say, the lion was fast, and it didn’t take long for it to get within fifty yards of the monkey.

Realizing it needed to act fast if it wasn’t to be eaten, the monkey picked up a newspaper that had been discarded by tourists.

The monkey then sat on a tree stump, hid behind the newspaper, and pretended to read it.

Moments later, the lion arrived and said, “Excuse me, did you see a monkey pass this way?

Do you mean the one that kicked the lion in the butt?” the monkey responded.

Oh, no!” groaned the lion. “It’s not in the papers already, is it?

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I hope so. If they made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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15 inspirational quotes by Claudius Galen

Today, I am exploring inspirational quotes by Claudius Galen.

I’ve always been a sucker for a good quote, and I have a comprehensive knowledge of the most inspirational and influential philosophers in history, all of whom are worthy of my attention.

Naturally, I thought that I was well-acquainted with the wisdom of the ancients. Well, how wrong could I possibly be?

Not long ago, I was introduced to someone I should have known about but who, for whatever reason, had never quite gotten on my radar screen.

That person was Claudius Galen, and so I just had to go searching for some of his quotes.

In case he’s new to you, too, dear reader, Claudius Galen, also known as Claudius Galenus or Aelius Galenus, is believed to have been born around 131 AD. Known for having a gifted intellect, he was a Greek physician and a writer on medicine and philosophy.

He went to Rome and revived the ideas of Hippocrates and other Greek doctors.

His theories dominated European medicine for well over a millennium.

The Romans had shown little interest in Hippocrates’ work, and it was Galen who pushed it forward in Rome.

That his ideas live on says much about his contribution to philosophical thinking.

So here are today’s quotes: What do you think?

inspirational quotes by Claudius Galen
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Quotes by Claudius Galen:

  1. Who are you? What do you want? Where are you going?
  2. Who do you serve, and who do you trust?
  3. The physician is Nature’s assistant.
  4. The best physician is also a philosopher.
  5. That which is, grows, while that which is not, becomes.
  6. Look to the nervous system as the key to maximum health.
  7. If sometimes dreams come true, what of our nightmares?
  8. Employment is nature’s physician and is essential to human happiness.
  9. That physician will hardly be thought very careful of the health of others who neglects his own.
  10. Those who are enslaved to their sects are not merely devoid of all sound knowledge, but they will not even stop to learn.
  11. The reason that I keep writing is that all my most powerful messages about the fates of wild places that I care about need to have words as well as images.
  12. The combination of pictures and words together can be really effective, and I began to realise in my career that unless I wrote my own words, then my message was diluted.
  13. The chief merit of language is clearness, and we know that nothing detracts so much from this as do unfamiliar terms.
  14. He who has two cakes of bread, let him dispose of one of them for some flowers of the narcissus; for bread is the food of the body, and the narcissus is the food of the soul.
  15. When we tune in to an especially human way of viewing the landscape powerfully, it resonates with an audience.

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Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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28 Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt certain to inspire you

28 Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt

Today, I thought it would be interesting to explore some quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt.

Anna Eleanor Roosevelt, better known as Eleanor Roosevelt, was an American political figure, diplomat, and activist. She served as the first lady of the United States from 1933 to 1945, during her husband, President Franklin D. Roosevelt‘s four terms in office. She was, in fact, the longest-serving first lady of the United States, so far.

Eleanor Roosevelt served as the United States Delegate to the United Nations General Assembly from 1945 to 1952.  President Harry S. Truman later called her the First Lady of the World in tribute to her human rights achievements.

In 1999, Eleanor Roosevelt was ranked ninth in the top ten of Gallup’s List of Most Widely Admired People of the 20th Century and was listed thirteen times as the most admired woman between 1948 and 1961.

She was one very wise and intelligent lady, and therefore definitely worth listening to, in my opinion.

So here are 28 quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt. I hope you find them all interesting. Please feel free to share them with your friends. 

Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt
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Quotes by Eleanor Roosevelt:

  1. Understanding is a two-way street. 
  2. Happiness is not a goal; it’s a by-product.
  3. You must do the things you think you cannot do. 
  4. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
  5. I’m so glad I never feel important; it does complicate life!
  6. When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die.
  7. It’s not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself.
  8. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
  9. As for accomplishments, I just did what I had to do as things came along.
  10. Never allow a person to tell you No who doesn’t have the power to say Yes.
  11. I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.
  12. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
  13. A woman is like a tea bag. You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
  14. I cannot believe that war is the best solution. No one won the last war, and no one will win the next war.
  15. Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
  16. People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built.
  17. Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. 
  18. Do what you feel in your heart to be right, for you’ll be criticised anyway. You’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
  19. The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.
  20. Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
  21. You have to accept whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give.
  22. You can never really live anyone else’s life, not even your child’s. The influence you exert is through your own life and what you’ve become yourself.
  23. One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.
  24. In all our contacts, it is probably the sense of being really needed and wanted which gives us the greatest satisfaction and creates the most lasting bond.
  25. In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.
  26. You gain strength, courage, and confidence through every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ 
  27. Too often, the great decisions are originated and given form in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated by them that whatever of special value women have to offer is shunted aside without expression.
  28. Anyone who knows history, particularly the history of Europe, will, I think, recognise that the domination of education or of government by any one particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.
Phil Sutton

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How to ensure you are a satisfied customer

Today, I am exploring the idea of how to ensure you are a satisfied customer.

Have you ever been in a situation where someone is trying to sell you something, and seemingly they can’t do enough for you?

They promise so much, and they seem so keen to ensure that you enjoy a ‘great customer experience.’

Then you buy, you part with your money, and suddenly everything changes.

They’d love to help you, but that wasn’t included in the sale price, despite you having been given the impression that it was.

This is particularly true with a service, in my experience.

If you have a tradesman or woman doing work for you, for as long as they haven’t been paid, they’ll do just about anything and everything you ask.

Once they’ve been paid, “they’d love to help you, but they’re far too busy.”

The moral of the story is that paying for a service before you’ve actually received it is always a mistake.

You won’t be well-served if they’ve already got your money; undoubtedly, that’s a fact, I’m afraid.

So my message to you is clear, dear reader. You pay as little as possible upfront and retain as much as possible until the work has been finished to your complete satisfaction.

Do that, and you’ll always be sure to get a job well done. Part with your money first, and you’ll be a hostage to fortune.

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Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Creating a Life Plan: 17 ways the rich think differently

Today I am exploring the idea of creating a life plan.

Creating a Life plan
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Have you ever thought about creating a life plan, dear reader? If you’re young and have your life ahead of you, certainly, it’s a good idea. You can always let life happen to you, of course, but it’s better if you go out and make life happen the way you’d prefer it to be. And to have a good life, having money certainly helps. So money is at the heart of life planning.

Now, why is it that some people are wealthy and others are not?

You might argue that the rich inherit money, and therefore, they’re just lucky. For a few people, that may be true. However, it’s not a universal truth.

Having wealthy parents helps, no doubt, but there are plenty of examples of self-made millionaires and billionaires. And there are plenty of examples of people who lost all their wealth and then just created another fortune.

There are also plenty of examples of poor people who enjoyed good fortune winning a lottery only to squander their millions within a few short years.

This would suggest that the rich and poor have different philosophies concerning creating a life plan and money as a resource.

17 ways the rich and poor think differently:

The video embedded here explores 17 ways in which rich people and poor people think differently. It’s an interesting video, and it makes some really useful points that will help you in your life planning. It’s informative and well worth a few minutes of your time, in my opinion.

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Thank you for your support.

Phil Sutton

19 fun quotes that will make you think

Today I am exploring fun quotes, or looking at it another way, quotes that stress the importance of fun.

Life is short, and the years pass quickly. I can tell you that much from experience.

One minute you’re 15, and the next you’re 60, or so it seems.

So having fun is essential; otherwise, what would be the point?

Every minute of life is to be enjoyed. Let’s face it, we’re all going to die, and life’s not a rehearsal, so we take every opportunity to live life while we can.

Yes, life can be challenging, and it’s never going to be easy. However, we must all find some joy in every day of our lives.

We must treat every day as if it’s our last because one day it will be.

Above all, we must make sure we find some fun in everything we do.

Today, dear reader, I offer you 19 fun quotes with an emphasis on why having fun is so important.

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Fun Quotes:

  1. If it ain’t fun, it ain’t worth it. ~Dennis Wilson
  2. Just play; have fun; enjoy the game. ~Michael Jordan
  3. I think that success is having fun. ~Bruno Mars
  4. There’s no fear when you’re having fun. ~Will Thomas
  5. Just keep taking chances and having fun. ~Garth Brooks
  6. I never did a day’s work in my life. It was all fun. ~Thomas A. Edison
  7. If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. ~Katharine Hepburn
  8. Follow your dreams. Just make sure to have fun too. ~Chris Brown
  9. Winning is only half of it. Having fun is the other half. ~Bum Phillips
  10. People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. ~Dale Carnegie
  11. Fun QuotesThere’s no need to dress like everyone else. It’s much more fun to create your own look. ~Twiggy
  12. We believe in working hard and having fun at the same time. It’s a way of life for me, and I feel tremendous. ~Robert Stigwood
  13. I feel confident imposing change on myself. It’s a lot more fun progressing than looking back. That’s why I need to throw curveballs. ~David Bowie
  14. When you start recognising that you’re having fun, life can be delightful. ~Jane Birkin
  15. Fun is one of the most important, and underrated, ingredients in any successful venture. If you’re not having fun then it’s probably time to call it quits and try something else. ~Richard Branson
  16. Have fun is my message. Be silly. You’re allowed to be silly. There’s nothing wrong with it. ~Jimmy Fallon
  17. Life is too short to not have fun; we are only here for a short time compared to the sun and the moon and all that. ~Coolio
  18. There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is having lots to do and not doing it. ~Andrew Jackson
  19. Flying might not be all plain sailing but the fun of it is worth the price. ~Amelia Earhart
Phil Sutton

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30 frases sobre la vida para inspirarte 

Aquí hay algunas frases sobre la vida que te inspirarán hoy. Disfrútalas todas y compártelas con tus amigos.

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Frases sobre la vida (1-10):

  1. El odio es la hermana fea del miedo
  2. La vida es demasiado corta para ser infeliz.
  3. ¡Sonríe mientras aún tengas dientes!
  4. Nunca volverás a tener el día de hoy. Así que disfrute.
  5. Todo implica riesgo, incluido no correr riesgos.
  6. Tu futuro aún no está escrito, pero tienes la pluma.
  7. A veces, el camino menos transitado es menos transitado por una razón.
  8. Si quieres algo, tienes que dar algo a cambio. Siempre hay un precio que pagar. Nada es gratis.
  9. O la vida es una gran aventura o no es nada. Haz que sea una gran aventura y disfruta cada minuto, porque solo das una vuelta.
  10. Tú no decides tu futuro. Usted toma decisiones y sus decisiones deciden su futuro. Las elecciones importan. Aprenda a hacer buenos.

Frases sobre la vida (11-20):

  1. La percepción que otras personas tienen de ti no es asunto tuyo. No se limite a lo que piensen los demás.
  2. Nunca temas tener una oportunidad. Solo tema que si no lo intenta, nunca sabrá lo que pudo haber sido.
  3. En el trabajo eres reemplazable, pero en casa no. Eso debería decirte cuál debería ser tu prioridad.
  4. Nadie es perfecto. Todos somos imperfectos. Así que abraza tus imperfecciones. Son los que te diferencian de la multitud.
  5. Nunca más volverás a ser tan joven como lo eres hoy. Así que olvídate de tu edad y concéntrate en aprovechar al máximo la vida mientras puedas.
  6. Tus años en esta tierra te enseñarán mucho más de lo que podrías aprender en cualquier universidad o facultad de educación superior.
  7. No se conforme con menos de lo que se merece. Ve audazmente en la dirección de tus sueños y no te detengas hasta que llegues a donde quieres estar.
  8. No importa lo que hagas, siempre habrá alguien que te criticará si se le da la oportunidad. Haz tu mejor esfuerzo e ignora las críticas.
  9. No se avergüence de todos los desafíos que ha tenido que superar. Tu historia puede ser una inspiración para otros. Puede que lo haya tenido difícil, pero todavía está aquí y no se ha dejado derrotar. Eso te convierte en un modelo a seguir.
  10. Ayer estuvo lleno de lecciones y mañana hay un sinfín de oportunidades. Utilice las lecciones de ayer para aprovechar las oportunidades del mañana. Puedes ser todo lo que te gustaría ser y mucho más.

Frases sobre la vida (21-30):

  1. La gente cree lo que quiere creer, especialmente cuando está desesperada.
  2. El dinero es simplemente el cuadro de mando para la transferencia de valor entre las personas de una sociedad.
  3. La grandeza se logra con lo que haces, no con lo que dices. Los hechos siempre vencerán a las palabras.
  4. Todos tenemos un papel que desempeñar. En Spaceship Earth, todos somos tripulación. Todos estamos aquí para hacer una contribución.
  5. Si espera que los políticos mejoren su vida, siempre se sentirá decepcionado. Si su vida va a mejorar, debe asumir la responsabilidad de ello usted mismo.
  6. Cuando todo le vaya bien y empiece a sentir que no puede equivocarse, piénselo dos veces. Es casi seguro que eres mucho más vulnerable de lo que crees
  7. Si no cuida su propio jardín con regularidad, será rápidamente atacado por malas hierbas nocivas. La vida también es así. Todos debemos cuidar bien lo que es precioso para nosotros.
  8. No subestimes el poder de tu voz. Tu voz importa. Úselo. Callar es ser irrelevante. Asegúrese de que la gente sepa cómo se siente acerca de las cosas que le importan.
  9. Nunca dejes que nadie te diga cómo debes pensar. Piensa por ti mismo y saca tus propias conclusiones. Nadie tiene el monopolio de saber qué es lo mejor. Tu opinión es tan válida como la de la siguiente persona.
  10. Permanecer leal a las circunstancias en las que nació no es un acto noble. Es perfectamente razonable querer más de la vida. El hecho de que hayas nacido pobre no significa que tengas que seguir siendo pobre.
Phil Sutton

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Si este artículo te resultó interesante, compártelo en las redes sociales con tus amigos.

Cuando compartes, todos ganan.

Así que continúa, compártelo ahora. Si lo haces, te estaré muy agradecido.

Gracias por tu apoyo.

15 frases cortas de la vida en español solo para ti 

¿Busca algunas citas breves sobre la vida en español? ¿Algunas frases cortas para usar en una presentación o para inspirar a otros?

Bueno, aquí hay 15 frases cortas que creo que pueden resultarle útiles.

frases cortas de la vida
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Frases cortas de la vida:

  1. Saber es fácil. Hacerlo es difícil.
  2. Para algunas personas, eres el mundo.
  3. Hágales saber a los demás que no están solos.
  4. No hagas nada. No decir nada. Sea nada.
  5. La gente cree lo que quiere creer.
  6. Celebre sus éxitos y aprenda de sus fracasos.
  7. Al querer atraer a todos, no atraerá a nadie.
  8. Todos necesitamos un sentido de identidad. Un fuerte sentido de quiénes somos.
  9. No estás comprometido con nada, hasta que empiezas a actuar.
  10. No siempre apreciamos lo que teníamos, hasta que ya no lo tenemos.
  11. Serás recordado no por lo que obtuviste sino por lo que diste.
  12. Seguimos viviendo en los corazones que tocamos y dentro de las personas por las que importamos.
  13. No pueden citar mal lo que no ha dicho. No digas nada y no confíes en nadie.
  14. No encontrarás la verdadera felicidad en las cosas materiales. La felicidad radica en el amor y la risa.
  15. Bienaventurados los jóvenes y los que aún no han nacido, porque heredarán la deuda nacional.

Por favor comparte esta publicación con tus amigos:

¿Te resultó útil alguna de estas breves frases sobre la vida?¿Lo hiciste? De cualquier modo eso espero.

Si los disfrutó, comparta esta publicación con sus amigos en las redes sociales porque cuando la comparte, todos ganan.Así que continúa, comparte esta publicación ahora. Si puedes hacer eso por mí, estaré muy agradecido. Ayudarás a un bloguero entusiasta a llegar a una audiencia más amplia y esa será tu buena acción del día. Gracias.

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How to be happy and why you should be

How to be happy? Now, that’s a question I hear frequently.

Well, I believe that if you’re going to be happy, then you need a sense of purpose.

Now just think about that for a minute. Your work takes up one-third of your life, so surely it’s essential that you’re happy doing whatever you do?

So dear reader, if the question on your mind today is how to be happy in life, then to find the answer, it’s worth reflecting on your work for a moment and thinking about whether it’s right for you.

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Does your work make you happy?

Do you believe your contribution to your job is something that only you can supply?

Would you say that your work is closely aligned with your natural talents?

If your job is a mismatch with your natural talents, then you’re unlikely to do it as well as you might do otherwise. If you don’t do it well, then it’s hard to feel a sense of pride in your work, surely? And if you’re not doing it well, your boss is likely to give you a hard time as well.

So in this scenario, you’re not going to be very happy, are you?

Let’s face it, spending your life doing something you don’t enjoy is such a waste, wouldn’t you agree?

You have so much natural talent that could be put to better use.

Yes, every job has its chores. Things you have to do, which you hate but accept as part of the job. No job is perfect.

However, tedium should only be a small part of your whole work experience.

To feel happy and fulfilled doing the work you do means that you should enjoy at least 70% to 80% of your daily activity.

What happens if the job you do and your talents are mismatched?

Human beings are flexible and adaptable, of course. So even in the worst job situations, people survive, but at what cost to themselves?

The further you are from applying your natural talents and abilities, the less likely it is that you’ll enjoy your work in my experience. And being unhappy at work means you’re less likely to be happy in life. That’s a fact.

And if you’re not happy, then it’s difficult to make a genuine contribution to life and the lives of other people. And this matters, particularly for those people who are your loved ones.

If your loved ones have to deal with someone who’s doing a job they don’t enjoy, then it can make their lives miserable, too. In fact, it can be no pleasure for anyone around you.

If you derive no pleasure from your work, then life just becomes a grind. Also, it becomes stressful, which is not very good for your health either.

The best and least stressful way to earn a living is by pursuing your interests and something that you both enjoy, and that is compatible with your natural talents. This is the sweet spot, and it’s how to be happy in life.

If society encouraged people to pursue their interests and work to their strengths, then we would not only be happier, but we would also become more productive.

And of course, productive lives are happy lives too. We would all benefit, and society would reap benefits too.

So think about what you enjoy doing and your natural talents, and then think about how you can best apply them.

It’s important to be happy doing what you do, but if you’ve yet to find work that makes you happy, then keep looking and don’t give up until you find it.

It’s possible to enjoy what you do. Other people do, and so can you.

Phil Sutton

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7 best dad jokes that’ll tickle you silly

Are you looking for some of the best dad jokes, dear reader?

Well, take a look at these seven on offer today. Certainly, they’re all ‘full groan”.

I hope they make you smile.

Please feel free to share them.

Make Money

Best dad jokes:

1. The shopping trip:

Wilma was an 80-year-old lady out shopping with her long-suffering, elderly husband, Jack.

In the challenging economic times in which they now live, Wilma and Jack were finding that their budget was a bit tight.

So, in desperation, Wilma resorts to shoplifting.

Unfortunately for her, she gets caught in the act, and she finds herself standing in front of a judge.

Mam, could you tell me exactly what it was you stole?” asked the judge.

Yes, your honour,” Wilma responded. “I stole a can of peaches.”

And how many peaches were in the can?” the judge continued.

Your honour, I believe it was six,” said Wilma.

Then I’ll sentence you to six days in jail,” said the judge.

Before the judge could utter another word, Jack quickly interjected and said, “Your honour, you should also be aware that she stole a family-sized can of peas too.

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny lived in Quebec with his parents.

Johnny loved to hear his parents talk about family traditions and, in particular, the exploits of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather when they were all young men.

Johnny’s favourite story was the one about each of them walking on water on their 18th birthday.

Eventually around comes Johnny’s 18th birthday, and he’s determined to emulate what his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were able to achieve, and that was walking across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So, on his birthday, Johnny sets off for that bar with his friend Jim.

Johnny steps on the water first and quickly finds himself submerged and struggling to swim back to the bank, where he’s helped by Jim.

Johnny’s not happy, and when he gets home, he challenges his mother about the truth of all those family stories.

It’s my 18th birthday, Ma,” said Johnny. “If those stories were true, how come I couldn’t walk on water?

Johnny,” his mother responded. “It’s August! Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all born in January when the lake is frozen.”

Michael Rubinstein is a wealthy Manhattan art dealer.

Late one afternoon, he gets a phone call from his attorney, Jack Greenbaum.

Hey, Michael,” says Jack, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news for you.”

Oh, Jack, I’m having a lousy day,” Michael responds. “Cheer me up with some good news first.”

Well,” says Jack, “I met with your wife earlier, and she informs me that she’s invested $5,000 in two pictures that she believes will bring her 20 million dollars. And I think she’s right.”

Wow,” says Michael, “it seems my wife’s got a good head for business. So, what’s the bad news?

The pictures are of you in an Acapulco hotel room with your secretary,” says Jack, “when you told your wife you were in Europe on business.”

Pete and Zak were racing down the highway on Pete’s motorcycle.

Now Pete was wearing a leather jacket, but the zip was broken, so the jacket was open. Eventually, Pete pulled over and said to Zak, “Listen, Buddy, with my jacket open, the cold weather is really starting to get to me. It’s freezing.”

Zak suggested he put his jacket on back to front so his chest would be covered.

Pete did as suggested, and the two of them then got back on the bike and off they went at high speed.

A couple of miles down the road, Pete took a bend at high speed, misjudged the manoeuvre, and crashed into a tree.

A farmer, who’d been working in the field nearby, was the first on the scene.

Very soon after, a highway patrolman arrived.

The cop says to the farmer, “Any signs of life?

Well,” said the farmer, “the guy riding the bike was moaning until I twisted his head to try and get it round the right way.”

A group of husbands are all waiting outside the maternity ward whilst their wives are all in labour.

Eventually, the ward sister comes out and says to the first guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

Now, that’s ironic,” says the guy, “because I work for Minnesota Twins.”

The ward sister then says to the second guy, “I got some news for you too. You’re the father of triplets. Congratulations!”

Now, that’s incredible,” says the guy, “because I work for the 3M company.”

The ward sister smiles at the third guy and then says, “Believe it or not, you’re now the father of quadruplets. Congratulations!

Well, ain’t that a coincidence,” says the guy, “because I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

At this point, the fourth guy passes out on the floor.

The ward sister and her colleagues rush to his aid and get him back on his feet. “Are you alright?” says the ward sister.

I’m afraid of the news you’re about to tell me,” says the guy, “I work for 7Up!

Jim was learning Spanish, and he went off to Mexico for some deep immersion in using the language.

However, he decided it might be useful to hire a Mexican guide to help him with conversation.

As they are walking through Tijuana, Jim notices an enormous fly, and he says to his guide, “Jose, mira! El mosca.”

Jose smiles benevolently and says, “No, Senor, la mosca. Es feminina.”

Really?” says Jim. “You can actually see that from here?

7. Magic glasses:

Bill is browsing in a joke shop looking for a novelty gift when the shop owner says to him, “If you’re looking for something unusual, I’ve got just the thing.

And what’s that?” asks Bill.

Magic glasses,” said the owner. “They cost $500 but, believe me, they’re worth every cent.”

The owner then hands Bill a pair of these glasses, and he tries them on.

Well, he can’t believe what he’s seeing. The owner now appears completely naked.

Bill removes the glasses to check, and sure enough, without them, the owner is fully clothed. He puts them on again, and he sees the owner naked once more.

They’re amazing,” said Bill. “I’ll take them.”

Bill leaves the shop wearing the glasses and then walks down Main Street.

Everyone he passes appears completely naked.

Bill is so pleased with his purchase that he decides to surprise his wife at home before returning to the office.

Bill’s still wearing the glasses when he walks into their living room.

Sitting on the sofa, he sees both his wife and his neighbour both completely naked.

They both recoil in horror on suddenly seeing Bill.

Bill then takes off the glasses, only for them both to still appear naked.

Well, I’ll be damned!” said Bill. “I’ve had them for less than half an hour, and they’re already faulty.”

Phil Sutton

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So dear reader, were any of these the best dad jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

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Thank you for your support.

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