31 stupid quotes that make no sense that’ll make you think

Now, do you like quotes, dear reader? I love them. Today, I thought it would be fun to take a look at some stupid quotes that make no sense.

There are times when people say some silly things; I’m sure you’ll agree. I’ve been known to say some silly things myself. However, though they may be silly, such things can be amusing too.

So here are 31 stupid quotes that make no sense but are more thought-provoking than they first appear to be. And some of them are definitely amusing.

So enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

STUPID QUOTES THAT MAKE NO SENSE
Make Money

Stupid quotes that make no sense (1-15):

  1. He’s about as sharp as a marble.
  2. Less is more. Surely that’s obvious?
  3. Not taking risks is life’s biggest gamble.
  4. We can’t keep calm. We’re all mad here.
  5. It’s always darkest before it’s pitch black.
  6. I’m pretty sure I’ve seized the wrong day.
  7. Only our parents’ children are always right.
  8. Life gives the test first and then the lesson.
  9. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see
  10. Whether a man marries or not, he will regret it.
  11. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  12. War doesn’t decide who’s right, only who’s left.
  13. I must be a squirrel because I attract all the nuts.
  14. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.
  15. I’m on the whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Stupid quotes that make no sense (16-31):

  1. Ignorance is temporary, but stupid is permanent.
  2. I adore spontaneity, as long as it’s carefully planned.
  3. A virgin birth, I can believe, but three wise men? Really?
  4. I’m not superstitious, but I can be a bit stitious at times.
  5. I tried being normal. It was the worst two minutes of my life.
  6. You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
  7. People tell me I might be schizophrenic, but I’m in two minds.
  8. I was going to take on the world today, but I overslept again.
  9. YARD SALE: Take a look around. Our crap could be your crap.
  10. Dress for the body you have, not the body you wish you had.
  11. Marriage means being committed. Then again, so does insanity.
  12. If you don’t want to be mistaken for a doormat, get off the floor.
  13. There would be many people alive today if there was a death penalty.
  14. Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
  15. My husband tells me that if I ever decide to leave, he’s coming with me.
  16. My mind is like someone emptied the kitchen junk drawer onto a trampoline.
Make Money

Please share this post with your friends: 

So, what did you think of these stupid quotes that make no sense?

If any of them made you think or made you smile, perhaps your friends and colleagues might enjoy this post too.

If so, please share it on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

Go on, share it now, and I’ll be ever so grateful.

You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Articles you might enjoy:

21 thought-provoking one-liners you’ll love

Today I’m exploring thought-provoking one-liners.

I love a good one-line quote.

They can be powerful and useful when you need to reinforce a point during a presentation or when you’re trying to make your case in a debate or argument.

Here are 21 great, thought-provoking one-liners, all of which made me think.

Enjoy them all.



Please share with all your friends:

If you enjoyed these thought-provoking one-liners, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please do it now, and I’ll be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

22 Funny Winston Churchill Quotes

If you’re looking for some funny Winston Churchill quotes, then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader.

Today I’ve curated 22 little gems that might just make you smile.

Churchill was, of course, a British statesman and writer, a famous wartime leader, and twice Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Above all, he was a man with a memorable turn of phrase, whatever the occasion.

Anyway, take a few moments to enjoy all of these excellent quotes.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

Funny Winston Churchill Quotes (1-11):

  1. I am easily satisfied with the very best.
  2. Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.
  3. History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
  4. I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
  5. He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
  6. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
  7. Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
  8. We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
  9. A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
  10. The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
  11. Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
MAKE MONEY MANIA

Funny Winston Churchill Quotes (12-22):

  1. I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
  2. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  3. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
  4. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
  5. From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
  6. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  7. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
  8. Show me a young Conservative and I’ll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I’ll show you someone with no brains.
  9. If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack.
  10. Everyone is in favour of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people’s idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.
  11. Lady Astor: “Winston, if I were your wife, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”
Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these funny Winston Churchill quotes as interesting and amusing as you’d hoped, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case, then please share this post with your friends because when you share, everyone wins.

Go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful.

Thank you for your support.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

Articles you might enjoy:

29 exclusive favourite quotes to inspire you

Your favourite quotes can be such a source of inspiration, especially when we’re feeling a little down. When everything’s not quite going how we’d like, it’s helpful to reflect on the wisdom of successful people.

Successful people weren’t always successful. They started as ordinary people with a dream and a determination to follow that dream and take it as far as they could.

In getting to where they are, they’ll have met many obstacles along the way, and at times, they, too, will have felt a little down.

No one has it that easy. The only difference is that successful people keep going. They never give up.

Successful people make sure they have a source of inspiration for when they need it. They always have something to lift them when times get tough.

When feeling a little down, I love to reflect on inspirational quotes. I love them.

Here are 29 of my favourite quotes that inspire me when I need a lift.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

FAVOURITE QUOTES (1-10)


FAVOURITE QUOTES (11-20)


MAKE MONEY MANIA

FAVOURITE QUOTES (21-29)


MAKE MONEY MANIA

Please share these quotes with your friends:

If you found these favourite quotes interesting, please share this post on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now.

If you do, I’ll be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Articles you might enjoy:

Phil Sutton

15 Powerful Quotes by Dr Joy Browne to inspire you

For anyone unfamiliar with her work, the late Dr Joy Browne was an American psychologist and talk show host who specialized in on-air advice counselling.

She hosted a nationally syndicated call-in radio talk show for several decades, providing advice to callers and words of wisdom to her listeners.

Her shows achieved worldwide reach via podcasts and the Internet.

She had a legion of loyal fans who were devastated when sadly she passed away suddenly in August 2016.

Here are 15 quotes by Dr Joy Browne to illustrate why I believe she was an inspiration.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

Quotes by Dr Joy Browne:

  1. Stupid and cheerful beats smart but angry. ~Dr Joy Browne
  2. Friendship is a relationship between equals. ~Dr Joy Browne
  3. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. ~Dr Joy Browne
  4. If you’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later then sooner is better than later. ~Dr Joy Browne
  5. Appearing to be reasonable is usually more important than being reasonable. ~Dr Joy Browne
  6. Being in a relationship that makes you unhappy is a bad idea. ~Dr Joy Browne
  7. You don’t need a reason to divorce someone you can’t stand. ~Dr Joy Browne
  8. The person who cares least about the relationship controls it. ~Dr Joy Browne
  9. Our feelings are not our responsibility but our behaviour is. ~Dr Joy Browne
  10. If we give up the notion that everybody’s life is perfect but ours, we would be a lot happier. Nobody’s life is perfect. ~Dr Joy Browne
  11. The role of parents is not to do for our children but to teach our children to do for themselves. ~Dr Joy Browne
  12. Good parenting helps our kids to walk away from us and not to depend on us. ~Dr Joy Browne
  13. Kids have to make their own mistakes because anything we tell them, even if it’s right isn’t as valuable as what they learn from doing something, even if it’s wrong. ~Dr Joy Browne
  14. If someone is being difficult, what you do is walk away because either they need some time to sort it out, and you can’t do it for them, or they don’t. If they don’t, well you might as well leave with your dignity intact. You can’t make someone love you, you really can’t. ~Dr Joy Browne
  15. The only behaviour we can ever control in this life, as much as we can control anything, is our own. Not anyone else’s. ~Dr Joy Browne
MAKE MONEY MANIA

Dr Joy Browne with a Caller:

I hope you were inspired by at least some of these quotes, dear reader, and perhaps you’d like to explore some of her work further. An example of her on-air counselling is included here as an embedded YouTube video. This is well worth your time.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

If this YouTube example appeals to you, you can still listen to her podcasts at TuneIn.com. Just click on this link and explore the possibilities.

However, if you enjoyed the quotes but wish to go no further, then please just share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Articles you might enjoy:

15 powerful quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger

If you’re looking for quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger, I have some good ones for you today.

For readers unfamiliar with her work, Dr Laura Schlessinger is an American talk radio host, commentator, and author.

Her radio show consists mainly of her responses to callers’ requests for personal advice.

Her presentation style is a no-nonsense, tough-love approach, which means to some people she can be seen as a little controversial.

Certainly, she’s a social conservative; even her website says that her show preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values, and ethics.

Nevertheless, she has a loyal following; many people around the world listen to her via her podcasts and access her radio show via the Internet.

Here are 15 quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger, which I think accurately reflect her approach.

You can judge for yourself whether it’s an approach that would appeal to you, dear reader. However, I think these quotes are worth a few minutes of your time.

MAKE MONEY MANIA

QUOTES BY DR LAURA SCHLESSINGER


MAKE MONEY MANIA

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger as interesting as you’d hoped, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’d be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Phil Sutton

Articles you might enjoy:

Money Mastery Rules: 25 Power Rules for Financial Freedom

If you’re seeking help in learning the money mastery rules, dear reader, this article has been written for you.

Remember, when it comes to money, you are in the driver’s seat, or you should be.

Also, remember that between the ages of 25 and 34, this can be a golden decade for wealth building if you work at it.

The choices you make right now won’t just affect your weekend plans; they will determine when you retire and how much freedom you have to live life on your terms.

Forget the dry spreadsheets and lecture-hall vibes. With this post, I am offering you a personal roadmap to becoming financially bulletproof.

So, let’s dive into the 25 rules that will transform your bank account and your life.

Make Money

Most people pay their landlord, their streaming services, and their favourite coffee shop before they ever look at their savings.

So, flip the script right now.

The moment you’re paid, move a slice of that pie into your savings or investment account.

You are the most important bill, so you should pay yourself first.

Think of it as you think of taxes and other stoppages from your wages. You learn to live on the money you have left.

Now, remember, “I want to be rich” is just a wish, not a plan.

What is it you want to achieve?

Perhaps you want to make a down payment on a property.

Maybe you want to retire at 45, so you can travel the world.

What is it you want, what will it cost, and how can you get there?

When you give your money a specific mission, it becomes much easier to say no to things that don’t matter.

We don’t get paid for the hours we put in. We get paid for the value we add. And the more value we can add, the more we’ll get paid.

Build knowledge and skills, and you will be able to add more value and, by doing so, earn much more money.

The greatest asset you can have is your ability to earn.

An investment in your learning will pay you a handsome dividend.

Whether it’s a certification, a leadership workshop, or a masterclass in a high-value skill, like AI, for instance, spending money to sharpen your mind is the only investment with a guaranteed and potentially infinite return on investment (ROI).

If there’s one certainty in life, other than death and taxes, it is that stuff happens. Usually at the most inconvenient time.

Your car breaks down, a pipe bursts, you break your mobile phone, or you lose your job for whatever reason. These things will happen to everyone at some time or other.

So, having an emergency fund of 3–6 months of living expenses tucked away in a high-yield savings account is the difference between a minor inconvenience and a financial catastrophe.

An emergency fund is essential.

Don’t think of it as money; think of it as peace of mind.

Governments have an insatiable appetite for our money, and they will take as much of it as they can get away with in the form of taxes.

So, when it comes to money, it’s not about how much you make; it’s about how much you can keep. Naturally, you want to keep as much of it as you can.

Understanding the difference between tax-deductible contributions and taxable income can save you thousands of dollars over time.

Don’t leave your hard-earned cash on the taxman’s table because you didn’t read the fine print.

This may sound like Finance 101, but it is a trap most people fall into.

Lifestyle creep is the enemy of wealth. By that, I mean upgrading your lifestyle every time you get a raise.

Spending money you don’t have on things you could live without.

Seeing a shiny object online, your flexible friend comes out because you think, “I must have that!” You don’t have the money, but you buy it on credit.

Very unwise.

It’s better to keep your expenses low even as your income grows, and you’ll create a massive gap where wealth is born.

If it has an engine or a designer logo, then it’s losing value the second you buy it.

If you use high-interest debt to buy a depreciating asset, it’s like running a race with a backpack full of heavy rocks. It makes no sense.

If you really must have it, save up and pay cash for it, and keep your credit for things that will grow in value, like property.

I call this the Rule of 20.

Put simply, if you can learn to live comfortably on 80% of your income, you are effectively buying your future freedom.

Yes, it will feel tight at first, but your future self will thank you for the compounding miracle you’ve started.

If it’s automated, it’s much more likely to happen regularly, like clockwork.

Let’s face it, willpower is a finite resource. So, it’s unwise to rely on it.

Set up automatic transfers so your savings and investments happen without you even thinking about it.

If you never see the money in your checking account, you won’t miss it.

There was a time when people had jobs for life, but this isn’t it, unfortunately.

In today’s world, job security no longer exists. I’m sure you know that, dear reader.

So, it’s important to develop multiple income streams.

Whether it’s a side hustle, rental income, or dividend-paying stocks, having multiple streams of income ensures that if one tap turns off, at least you aren’t left in a drought.

If the money you earn is as a direct result of trading your time, then your income potential will always be limited.

There are only 24 hours in every day, so your earning potential is inevitably capped if you’re only trading time for dollars.

Start a side hustle selling digital products you’ve created online and potentially sell them globally 24/7. Making money while you sleep.

Alternatively, investing allows your capital to grow independently of your labour. Whether it’s investing in property or income-bearing stocks, it can generate a 24/7 income stream.

So, let your money work the night shift so you don’t have to.

You can’t manage what you don’t measure.

Use an app or a simple spreadsheet to see exactly where your money is going.

You’ll be shocked at how those small $15 subscriptions add up to a missed vacation or a maxed-out credit card.

Keep records and track your money so you know where it’s going and what you’re getting in return.

Don’t be fooled into thinking there’s easy money to be had.

The get-rich-quick schemes you hear about on social media are usually get-poor-fast traps. The only people who make money are those who earn affiliate commissions by making such recommendations in YouTube videos.

Real wealth is a marathon, not a sprint.

Focus on consistent, boring, long-term growth.

It’s not flashy, but it works every single time.

Had a bad day at work? Don’t head to Amazon.

Feeling a retail therapy urge is a sign that you’re trying to solve a temporary feeling with a permanent financial hit.

Find a hobby that builds you up instead of a purchase that breaks your budget.

People in the financial sector love to make everything about money sound complicated, so we become dependent on their expertise, which they can then charge a high price for.

Most of it isn’t complicated if you educate yourself.

And by education, I don’t mean going back to college.

I mean, reading books by people like Robert Kiyosaki. Books that are informative yet easy to read.

Read a book a month, and after a year or so, you will be more knowledgeable than any financial advisor.

Take the power back, now!

Read the books, listen to the podcasts, and understand the jargon.

No one will look after your financial future better than you will.

Albert Einstein once described the power of compounding as the 8th wonder of the world. And he was right.

Time is the most powerful ingredient in wealth creation.

A dollar invested in your 20s is worth significantly more than a dollar invested in your 40s because it has more time to multiply.

So, start now!

Even modest amounts will grow substantially with enough time.

You need a place to live; you want the luxury apartment with the rooftop pool.

Learning to distinguish between the two allows you to prioritise your spending.

You can have anything you want, but you can’t have everything you want.

How often do people make a big-ticket purchase on impulse and then either not use it or find they could have bought it cheaper elsewhere?

So, think of the 24-hour rule as a lifesaver.

If you see something expensive you think you need, wait at least a full day (or even a week) before hitting the buy button.

The dopamine hit will fade, and you’ll realise you’re perfectly happy without it.

Unsecured debt is high-interest-bearing debt. And credit cards work based on unsecured debt. So, they come with very high interest rates.

Credit cards are simply tools that can be convenient, but certainly they are not free money.

There are attractions. For instance, if you pay them off in full every month, you get rewards and consumer protection.

However, the downside is that if you carry a balance forward, you’re paying 20%+ interest for the privilege of being broke. And the compounding effect of such high interest rates can turn a small debt into a very large debt very quickly.

Never play a game where the house always wins.

Your bank balance is a snapshot; your net worth (Assets minus Liabilities) is the big picture.

Watching that number grow every three months is the ultimate motivation to keep you going.

It’s the scoreboard for your financial life on the road to financial freedom.

An asset puts money into your pocket (like a rental property or a stock). It is an item that generates an income stream for you.

A liability takes money out of your pocket (like a car loan or a fancy subscription). It is an item that costs you money that you won’t see again.

Successful people spend their lives accumulating assets that will eventually pay for their luxuries.

If a friend asks you to co-sign a loan, what does that mean?

It means that if your friend fails to repay the loan, the bank can legally force you to repay it.

In Britain, we would refer to it as acting as a guarantor for the loan.

Co-signing isn’t just a favour; it’s a legal obligation to pay the debt if the other person doesn’t.

So, ask yourself this question. If a bank wouldn’t trust your friend to repay the loan, why should you?

Keep friendship and money quite separate; it could prove a very expensive way to lose a friend.

Protect your credit and your relationships by saying no to co-signing.

There can be good debt as well as bad debt.

Good debt is leverage used to buy assets that appreciate or generate income, such as a business, a mortgage on a property, or a smart investment.

Bad debt would be unsecured on anything lifestyle-related, at high interest rates.

Only use debt when the arithmetic shows you’ll come out ahead on the other side.

Surprising as it may seem, everything is negotiable. So, master the art of the deal.

From your salary to your internet bill, seek to get the best deal for you.

A ten-minute conversation could save you $50 a month or earn you an extra $5,000 a year.

Let’s face it, if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

What’s the worst that can happen? They say no. But they could just as easily say yes.

So, always be prepared to haggle.

Ownership comes with maintenance, taxes, and headaches.

Own the things that are essential to your stability and wealth-building.

If you want a taste of the high life, like a fancy car for a weekend or a designer dress for a gala, it’s better just to rent it.

Enjoy the experience without the anchor of the expense.

Phil Sutton

It’s your money. Treat it with respect. Manage it properly and don’t waste any of it.

Never have money in your heart.

However, you should always have money in your head.

Money is a resource. We all need money, and we can’t live without it in the modern world.

With care, you can build wealth over time. And building wealth is the key to financial freedom.

Follow these money mastery rules, and your future is much more likely to be comfortable.

If you found this blog post interesting and useful, then please share it on social media with your friends.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now, and I’ll be forever grateful to you.

You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

75 Amusing quotes by unknown authors you’ll love

Today, I am exploring amusing quotes by unknown authors.

I am a collector of quotes, and I’ve got thousands from the great names and thinkers of the past, as well as some from more recent times.

However, many quotes I stumble on are by unknown authors.

Nevertheless, if they are memorable or amusing, they are still worth circulating.

So, I’ve been going through my journals to curate some amusing quotes for you, dear reader.

Therefore, without further ado, here are 75 amusing quotes by unknown authors that I think will make you smile. Certainly, some of them will; I’m confident of that.

Enjoy them all and feel free to share them.

Make Money
  1. Save water, drink wine.
  2. There is no ‘we’ in fries.
  3. I’m not fat; I’m just easy to see.
  4. I love my job; it’s the work I hate.
  5. My favourite sport is channel surfing.
  6. My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  7. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
  8. My get-up-and-go has got up and gone.
  9. I am in shape. Round is a shape, isn’t it?
  10. I’m not a quitter. I’m just good at giving up.
  11. If life is a journey, I’m pretty sure I’m lost.
  12. The secret to a long life is to keep breathing.
  13. I don’t have bad handwriting; I have my own font.
  14. My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
  15. I followed my heart, and it led me to the kitchen.
  16. My superpower is forgetting why I walked into a room.
  17. I have the body of a god. Unfortunately, it’s Buddha.
  18. My life motto is ‘It could be worse, but I’m not sure how’.
  19. Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have diarrhoea.
  20. My hobbies include eating and complaining about getting fat.
  21. I’m just a girl, looking at a salad, asking it to be a donut.
  22. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  23. My resume is just a list of things I never want to do again.
  24. I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.
  25. I don’t trip over things; I do random gravity checks.
  26. Yes, I love my job. It’s the people I can’t stand.
  27. I follow my heart, but it usually leads me to the fridge.
  28. I’m going to stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
  29. The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
  30. Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re finished.
  31. If life is a movie, I feel like the character who dies in the first scene.
  32. Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
  33. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
  34. I arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
  35. The only marathon I run is on Netflix.
  36. My phone is my best friend. It knows all my secrets and never judges my selfies.
  37. If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be happy to do it for you.
  38. Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk, and the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
  39. A best friend is someone who knows exactly how crazy you are but is still willing to be seen with you in public.
  40. Siblings: the only people you can be annoyed with one minute and then laughing with the next.
  41. The more I know about people, the more I like my dog.
  42. I can eat cake because it’s always somebody’s birthday somewhere.
  43. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. So, chocolate is just salad.
  44. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
  45. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
  46. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  47. If you can’t be a good example, you can always be a terrible warning.
  48. I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
  49. God must love stupid people. He made so many of them.
  50. My room isn’t messy; it’s an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.
  51. My brain: ‘You should go for a run.’ My legs: ‘Don’t listen to him, he’s crazy.’
  52. I’ve reached the age where getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
  53. Never laugh at your wife’s choices, because you’re one of them.
  54. I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?
  55. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off right now.
  56. I haven’t even started my to-do list, and I’m already exhausted.
  57. How come the reward for a job well done is more work?
  58. Nothing ruins a Friday like realising it’s only Tuesday.
  59. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
  60. If life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party.
  61. Social media is where we go to pretend our lives are perfect.
  62. The internet: where you go to waste time you don’t have, arguing with people you don’t know, about things that don’t matter.
  63. I’m so old, I can remember when ‘cloud’ was just something in the sky.
  64. My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships.
  65. I don’t need an inspirational quote; I need a vacation.
  66. My life is a constant battle between wanting to save money and wanting to buy things I don’t need.
  67. I don’t have a short temper; I just have a quick reaction to nonsense.
  68. My friends and I are the reason the phrase ‘don’t try this at home‘ exists.
  69. My ambition is to be the person who gets paid to test mattresses.
  70. The road to success is always under construction, and I’m the one stuck in traffic.
  71. If life is a stage, I’m the one who forgot his lines.
  72. The only thing I’m certain about is that I can’t be certain about anything at all.
  73. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you were stupid and made poor choices.
  74. In a crisis, the person smiling is the one who has found someone to blame.
  75. I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room together. Surely, that’s making you think.
Phil Sutton

Did any of these amusing quotes by unknown authors tickle you, dear reader?

You did? I hope so.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share them now. If you can do that for me, I really would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

27 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

Now, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two, but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. You must make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today, I offer you 27 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day, too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp, then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you, dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two, and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

Make Money

Witty One-Liners (1-10):

  1. I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning, ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
  2. If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. ~Ian Smith
  3. I wanted to be a baker, but I never rose to the challenge. ~Author Unknown
  4. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it. ~Author Unknown
  5. Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
  6. As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
  7. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  8. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  9. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  10. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe

Witty One-Liners (11-20):

  1. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
  2. I was trying to write a novel about puns, but it just turned out to be a play on words. ~Author Unknown
  3. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia, and she whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’ ~Author Unknown
  4. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.’ ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  5. My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
  6. If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
  7. People say I’ve got no willpower, but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
  8. I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away. ~Author Unknown
  9. My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought, ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be?‘ ~Paul McCaffrey
  10. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel

Witty One-Liners (21-27):

  1. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
  2. I used to be a baker, but I could never make enough dough. ~Author Unknown
  3. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache, and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
  4. What’s a couple?’ I asked my mom. She said, “Two or three.’ Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. ~Josie Long
  5. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  6. Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
  7. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski
Make Money

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

If you enjoyed this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Thank you for being so supportive.

Phil Sutton

Articles you might enjoy:

30 hilarious corny jokes guaranteed to make you smile

Once again, I’ve been curating hilarious corny jokes to keep you amused, dear reader. So here’s another batch that I think might raise a smile or two.

They’re all officially classified as Author Unknown, but if you can identify any of these against an original author, then please do let me know. I am keen to add suitable credits and links to websites where appropriate.

So please advise accordingly, but not before you’ve enjoyed these 30 hilarious corny jokes.

HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
Make Money

Hilarious corny jokes (1-10):

  • What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs?
  • A condescending con descending.
  • I used to be a narcissist.
  • But just look at me now.
  • What did the ocean say to the island?
  • Nothing, it just waved.
  • A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
  • He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
  • What happens to illegally parked frogs?
  • They get toad.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
  • It means a lot.
  • What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
  • The second one.
  • Did you hear the one about the two radio antennas that got married?
  • The church service was just fine but the reception was awesome.
  • Why was the scarecrow given a promotion?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did the police officer say to his chest?
  • You’re under a vest.

Hilarious corny jokes (11-20):

  • Where does seaweed look for a job?
  • In the kelp-wanted ads.
  • Why did the soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
  • They were all seasoned troopers.
  • What is a vampire’s favourite type of boat?
  • A blood vessel.
  • What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
  • An edgy veggie.
  • What do you call baby foot soldiers?
  • Infantry.
  • What do you call a goat that lives on a mountain?
  • A hillbilly.
  • What do you call four Bullfighters in quicksand?
  • Cuatro Sinko.
  • What’s taken before you can get it?
  • Your photograph.
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them.
  • What can you put in a large wooden box to make it lighter?
  • Holes.

Hilarious corny jokes (21-30):

  • What is served in glasses and is hard to swallow?
  • A stiff drink.
  • Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
  • He was growing mashed potatoes.
  • Why did the baker stop making donuts?
  • He was sick of the hole business.
  • Where do hamburgers box?
  • In an onion ring.
  • What is the most unreliable vegetable?
  • A fickle onion.
  • What do you call an imaginary colour?
  • A pigment of your imagination.
  • What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
  • One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  • When does a joke become a Dad joke?
  • When it becomes fully groan.
  • My friend is a structural engineer.
  • He’s always complaining about stress at work.
  • Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
  • He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a Number 2 pencil.
HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
Make Money

Please share the laughs:

So did these hilarious corny jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Phil Sutton

More fun you might enjoy: