15 Funny Quotes on Friendship

Funny Quotes on FriendshipIf you’re lucky enough to have one good friend then you are richer than you imagine and if you have two then you’re truly blessed.

Friendship is a relationship of equals.

Real friends are people with whom you have a lot in common, especially when it comes to things that make you laugh and those times when you enjoy getting silly.

True friends are people who know all your faults but accept you as you are anyway.

Not everyone with whom you have a friendly relationship is a true friend. Some people are just very good acquaintances.

A real friend is someone you could phone at 3am, when you’re in trouble and know they’d be out to help you in a heartbeat.

Such people are worth their weight in gold and you should never take them for granted. They’re special and you should appreciate them being in your life because not everyone is quite so lucky.

Here are 15 funny quotes on friendship that for me touch on the very essence of what it all means.

Funny quotes on friendship:

  1. Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
  2. Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
  3. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
  4. When our phones fall, we panic. When our friends fall, we laugh.
  5. If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.
  6. Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep disturbing them.
  7. You have a problem when your imaginary friend thinks he has a problem.
  8. There’s nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.
  9. Friends come and go, like waves on the ocean, but the true friends stay like an octopus on your face.
  10. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, but you’re lucky if you have one.
  11. Laughing is one of the best exercises. It’s like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it’s even better with a friend.
  12. I’d walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that’s dangerous, but a super humid room. Well not too humid, because you know, my hair.
  13. I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
  14. Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl’s best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
  15. I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

Money and how to get rich

How to get richHow to get rich? A question many ask but real wealth is something few people achieve.

You’ll often hear people say that money doesn’t matter and in some respects they’re right of course. Certainly it’s unwise to make the acquisition of money your obsession at the expense of those things that really matter in life.

A good example of those things that really matter most would be family and friends.

Nevertheless we must all be realistic too. After oxygen, in the modern era few things are more essential to sustaining life than money. Wouldn’t you agree dear reader?

So we must recognise that money is important whether we like it or not.

And if it’s important, how do we ensure that we always have enough money when we need it?

Having a good job is a fine thing of course but a single income stream is like having all your eggs in one basket. Lose your job and suddenly you don’t have an income at all.

The solution to that problem is financial independence.

By that I mean building capital and developing a series of income streams through multiple investments and the acquisition of income-generating assets such as property.

Well that’s easier said than done I can hear you say dear reader. And you’re right.

It isn’t easy of course but neither is it impossible. In fact it’s not quite as difficult as you might imagine. Other people get rich, so why not you?

A good starting point would be to improve your financial education.

It is absolutely essential you improve your knowledge of money and how you can make money work for you.

So where to start? Well one of the best introductory books on the subject has to be Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki.

This book is a best seller for good reason. Watch the embedded video here and it will introduce you to some of Mr Kiyosaki’s excellent ideas for becoming wealthy.

Build your own small reference library:

I recommend that you purchase your own personal copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki, as part of creating your own personal ‘reference library’. Then you can dip in and out of it on a regular basis to educate and inform yourself of all things financial.

You’ll find Robert Kiyosaki’s book on Amazon and you can purchase it now if you just CLICK HERE.

Another great book on wealth:

Another great read for the wannabe financially independent is the classic text Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

This is another book that is absolutely essential reading for any serious student of money.

Despite being written in 1937 this book remains relevant to this day.

Yes it is an old text but it is widely regarded as one of the best books on wealth ever written.

It is still in print today and it is well-respected by students of wealth for very good reason.

In Think and Grow Rich Napoleon Hill reveals the money-making secrets of hundreds of America’s most affluent people.

His underlying point is that if you can think like them you can become like them. And this book will provide you with a 13 Step Program to set you on the path to wealth and success.

It’s a magic formula for money making and it never changes.

Think and Grow Rich is available from Amazon and you can buy it now if you just CLICK HERE.

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This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and you then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission. However there will be no additional charge to you in making that purchase. Nevertheless these commissions do serve to cover the cost of maintaining this site, so you’ll be helping to ensure that this resource can remain available free of charge to readers. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

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How to develop a millionaire mindset

How to develop a millionaire mindsetDo you want to be rich dear reader? Would you like to have so much money that you no longer have to worry about having enough to pay your bills? If you do, you’re not alone. We’d all like to be rich but few of us have the right mindset needed to create and build wealth. The question is, how to develop a millionaire mindset?

Well in the embedded video included here Jack Canfield will enlighten you.

For any reader unfamiliar with Jack Canfield he’s one of America’s top motivational speakers and he’s also the best-selling author of top self-help books like Chicken Soup for the Soul and The Success Principles.

These books are amongst the very best self-help books you can buy and if you haven’t read them already I recommend that you do.

In the video Jack Canfield offers words of wisdom for those people who want to build their fortune but have yet to get going.

Jack explains that if you want to be rich, you have to learn how to think like rich people think.

He argues that without a millionaire mindset, you’re going to remain stuck in a lower or middle-income reality. In my opinion, he’s right in what he says.

The right mindest is always an essential ingredient for success but how do you develop a millionaire mindset? What do you need to do to develop the right way of thinking?

Well watch his short video and you’ll be on your way to learning how to avoid getting stuck in financial mediocrity.

If you’ve yet to achieve wealth then it’s never too late to start. Many financially successful people started late in life. For instance, Ray Kroc was 52 years old before he started building the empire we know as McDonald’s.

So get started now and design the future you’ve always imagined.

How to develop a millionaire mindset:

Further reading:

If you’re interested in great motivational advice then the best speakers and writers in my opinion are all American.

There are many I admire and Jack Canfield is one of them. So if you’ve never read any of Jack Canfield’s books then I recommend that you check them out and purchase your own copies from Amazon.

If you build you own small personal library of motivation books you’ll find it will be money well spent.

Start today and buy here.

DISCLOSURE: 

This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and you then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission. However there will be no additional charge to you in making that purchase. Nevertheless these commissions do serve to cover the cost of maintaining this site, so you’ll be helping to ensure that this resource can remain available free of charge to readers. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

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How to make the most of your future

How to make the most of your futureHow to make the most of your future? A question we all ask ourselves occasionally, I’m sure. We worry about the future because increasingly the world seems such an uncertain place.

In many ways the future is uncertain but then again it’s actually a lot more predictable than you might think.

I’m often asked what I think the next 10 years will be like. The answer’s simple; the next 10 year will be pretty much like the last 10 years and the years before that.

Future years:

Think about it. The next 10 years will just be a constant stream of challenges with lots of problems to be solved. That’s how life’s always been. And that’s actually good news for us all. Why?

It’s good news because it’ll ensure that there’s a constant stream of opportunities for enterprising people to exploit. So we can all make a good living and all we have to do is focus on those problems we can solve for other people.

Yes, jobs may be in short supply but there’ll always be plenty of customers with problems to be solved. Customers for goods and services yet to be invented.

If we can all learn to look for customers, rather than jobs, and make sure we have the skills and knowhow to solve problems for those customers, we’ll always have work and from that over time we can build wealth too.

The nature of work:

Work is just doing stuff for other people in return for money. It’s that simple.

Opportunities will always be there and we can choose to take them or not. For the fleet footed there will always be opportunities to make money, regardless of politics and political personalities.

Create your own future:

Find customers you can serve, serve them well and you’ll always do well.

And it doesn’t matter whether you were successful or otherwise at school either. That’s actually irrelevant. There are plenty of successful and wealthy people who failed to shine at school.

Skills can be learned and knowledge can be gained at any time in your life.

So look around for people you can help, improve your knowledge and skills as you go along and gradually enhance your earning ability. It can be done; people do and you can too.

Today’s assignment:

So let me finish with an assignment for you.

Look around for a problem to be solved. Look carefully and you’ll find plenty of them I promise you. Now, who’s the potential customer? What skills will you need if you are to solve that problem for the customer? And once you’ve identified those skills, how will you get them and by when?

Now think about this asssignmnent carefully. By applying your unique talents and knowhow, whose problems could you solve? To whom could you be an answer to their prayers?

How to make the most of your future:

The future’s as bright as you want to make it for yourself. It’s all down to you.

Don’t just let life happen to you.

Start right now and make it happen.

Create a future that’s right for you.

Don’t just accept whatever life throws at you; go out and get all the things you really want.

Other people do and so can you. Go on, get started, Now!

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Investing like Warren Buffett: Tips and Techniques

Investing Tips and TechniquesWould you like to know more about investing and money dear reader? Maybe you’re looking for some investing tips and techniques?

Perhaps you’re always short of money and possibly in debt?

Well it doesn’t really have to be that way. You do know that don’t you?

You could improve your financial situation but you’ll need to start learning about money and how it works and how you can make it work for you.

In today’s post you’ll find some observations about money and investing and you’ll find an interesting video from the world’s greatest investor Warren Buffett.

Warren Buffett has become a very wealthy man through investing and he has consistently been one of the most successful investors of all time.

It’s always worth listening to successful people, so I can recommend you watch the embedded video below because I’m confident you’ll find it useful.

1. The Importance of Money

When it comes to sustaining life, money is not the most important thing but after oxygen and water few things matters more.

Certainly you need enough to get by but you also need to put something aside for a rainy day because one day it will rain, of that you can be sure.

Putting something aside for your old age too would be a wise thing to do.

Wealth creation matters and if you are to build wealth successfully you must learn how to manage and invest your money wisely.

2. The Importance of Investing

Creating wealth is easier said than done of course.

It starts with making sure you put at least some money aside each month.

Pay yourself first by putting away say 10% of your income each time you get paid.

Make that a habit and you won’t miss it.

As cash starts to build into a decent sum then you need to ensure that you get a decent return in order for the compounding effect to work its magic.

Over time you will be amazed at how your wealth will grow if you invest wisely.

3. How to Invest

Maybe you’re still unsure as to how you go about it?

Well that’s natural, so don’t worry.

If you don’t know how to do something, look around for someone who is already doing it successfully and copy what they do.

Certainly there are some excellent examples of investors who you could adopt as a role model.

One of the world’s most successful investors is the great Warren Buffett, otherwise known as the Sage of Omaha. Have you heard of him?

If you haven’t, I can tell you that he has created so much wealth through his investing skills that he is one of the richest men in the world.

The video included here offers some investing tips and techniques,

It illustrates how Buffett invests and how you might emulate his success. This is a useful video and it is worth your time, if your aim is to develop your investing skills.

4. Investing Tips and Techniques

5. Buy some reference books on investing

One video cannot tell you all there is to know about investing of course.

Developing your investing skills will take time and patience, building your knowledge as you go.

Nevertheless there are plenty of good books on the subject and you would be wise to establish your own personal reference library on the subject.

One book I can recommend is from the Financial Times series.

Like everything associated with the Financial Times, the FT Guide to Saving and Investing for Retirement: The Definitive Handbook to Securing Your Financial Future will provide you with sound advice on all aspects of saving and investing, particularly with respect to your long term goal of making sure you can enjoy a comfortable retirement.

I can recommend this book and it’s available from Amazon. Buy it here.

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This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and you then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission. However there will be no additional charge to you in making that purchase. Nevertheless these commissions do serve to cover the cost of maintaining this site, so you’ll be helping to ensure that this resource can remain available free of charge to readers. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

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How to make money from investing in stocks and shares

How to make money from investing in stocks and sharesOnly buy something that you’d be perfectly happy to hold if the market shut down for 10 years. ~Warren Buffett

Arguably, Warren Buffett is one of the greatest investors of all time. Certainly he has delivered an above average return to investors in his company Berkshire Hathaway consistently over many, many years.

And when people are successful we should listen to them. If their approach has been successful for them, it can be successful for us too. So it’s a good idea to listen and learn.

Warren Buffett’s investment philosophy is essentially quite simple.

If you’re buying stocks and shares then the ideal investment is a company with a range of good quality products which everyone needs; with strong cash-flow and little or no debt; broad international exposure; and which pays solid, sustainable dividends.

Buy the asset at fair value and you will have an income stream you can rely on regardless of any short or medium-term market volatility.

Choose the right stock and you should enjoy some capital appreciation over the long term as well.

Too many people are speculators rather than investors. They hope to time the market to gain a quick buck. However that’s hugely difficult and most amateurs will lose money with that approach, unless they are very, very lucky.

Whereas invest in good companies at fair value and over time you’ll have an excellent chance to make very good return.

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17 Principles of Personal Achievement

Personal AchievementInterested in personal achievement dear reader?

Perhaps you’re keen to succeed but you don’t quite know where to begin?

Well a good place to start is to look for successful people, work out what it is they’ve done to become successful and then use them as your role model and template.

In other words, if you copy what they’ve done there’s a real possibility that you can be very successful too.

And whilst you’re doing that, identify all the great people who write about personal achievement and read some of their books too.

One great book I can recommend is Napoleon Hill‘s 17 Principles of Personal Achievement.

It’s available on Amazon of course but this video embedded here offers a summary for you.

This video is interesting, useful and well worth your time. And of course if you’d like to check out the audiobook then just  CLICK HERE.

17 Principles of Personal Achievement:

DISCLOSURE: 

This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links included in the text above and you then make a purchase, you should be aware that this website will receive a small commission. However there will be no additional charge to you in making that purchase. Nevertheless these commissions do serve to cover the cost of maintaining this site, so you’ll be helping to ensure that this resource can remain available free of charge to readers. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

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3 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh

If you’re in need of a little comic relief then here are 3 amusing short story jokes that will definitely make you laugh. Take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

1. Escaping a ticket:

Jim was finally enjoying a bit of freedom in life, so he decided to buy himself a new Mercedes C-Class Cabriolet.

On the day he collected it from the dealership he thought it would be a great idea to take his new toy out for a spin on the Interstate.

It was a pleasant evening, so with the top down and the wind in his hair he decided to really put his foot down until the pedal hit the metal.

The acceleration was amazing but as the car hit 90 mph. suddenly there was the sound of a siren and through his rear view mirror Jim could see blue lights flashing.

Undaunted by this turn of events Jim just thought to himself, “There’s no way the cops will catch me in a Mercedes at full speed.

And momentarily he kept the car going flat out until his speed exceeded 110 mph.

However his nerve went when he realised that despite his speed the cops were actually gaining on him.

So the reality of his situation hit him and Jim thought, “What the hell am I doing?

He slowed down and pulled over.

At the side of the road the cop came up to him and said, “Sir, could I see your license please?

Jim handed over his license.

The cop studied it momentarily and then said to Jim, “Sir, it’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and to be honest I really don’t feel like doing any more paperwork. So I’ll offer you a deal. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, I’ll let you go without a ticket.

Jim thought for a second and then said, “Officer, a month ago my wife ran off with a cop. Life has been so good since then but I was afraid you were chasing in an attempt to give her back to me.

The cop smiled at Jim and said, “Have a nice weekend sir.”

And with that he left Jim to enjoy his new car.

2. The price for a little fun:

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived home on Sunday evening he was confronted by his angry wife and, needless to say, she hurled abuse at him for nearly two hours in a tirade befitting his irresponsible actions.

Finally, as she stopped shouting at him, his wife said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

That would be fine with me,” Bill responded unwisely.

Monday went by and Bill didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

However on Thursday, the swelling had gone down sufficiently for Bill to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

3. Unexpected benefit:

Mike and his wife Liz had the misfortune to be caught up in a terrible road traffic accident, with multiple cars involved. Unfortunately in the carnage that followed, Liz’s face was severely burned.

She was taken to the local hospital where the doctor told Mike that she would need a skin graft on her face.

The problem is,” said the doctor, “your wife is so thin we wouldn’t be able to use any skin from her body for the graft.”

Could I donate skin from my body?” asked Mike.

Yes, you can,” said the doctor. “However the only suitable skin would be skin from your buttocks.

Mike explained the situation to Liz and asked whether skin from his buttocks would be acceptable to her.

Well, as long as no one else knows where the skin came from,” said Liz.

Jim assured her that it would be their secret and the doctor also promised he would honour her request for secrecy.

So Liz had the surgery and when all the scars had healed everyone was amazed at how beautiful Liz now looked.

She’d always been attractive but she was now even more beautiful than she’d been before. All her friends and relatives couldn’t help commenting on her youthful beauty.

One day, Liz was sitting alone with Mike and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

“Mike, I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. There’s no way I could ever repay you,” said Liz.

Mike smiled and kissed her. Then he said, “Darling, think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.

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So did these amusing short story jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

12 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today

We all need a smile or two occasionally. Jokes cheer us up and laughter is the best medicine. So today I offer you 12 of the funniest jokes, each in two lines.

Let me say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them.

However I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either.

Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author then please let me know.

I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors. In the meantime, enjoy them all!

Funniest Jokes:

  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
  • You need a parachute to go skydiving twice

 

  • Parallel lines have so much in common
  • It’s a shame they’ll never meet

 

  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
  • Then they call me ugly and poor

 

  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
  • You have my Word

 

  • I went to an emotional wedding the other day
  • Even the cake was in tiers

 

  • Someone stole my mood ring
  • I don’t know how I feel about that

 

  • I tried to catch fog yesterday
  • Mist

 

  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
  • If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan

 

  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
  • She looked surprised

 

  • I threw a boomerang a few years ago
  • I now live in constant fear

 

  • A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
  • The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?

 

  • To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
  • I say, “Your dog may be your best friend but will it pick you up at the airport? I think not.”

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

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5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

short story jokes guaranteed to make you laughHere are five short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the Police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figured that he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the Police.

In his first week on the job the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money he thinks and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money and he stashes it in a safe place.

However it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and they ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector and then with real menace in his voice he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again and I think he’s serious.

At this point the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re a pussy and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and he soon realizes that he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height and then he suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me sir I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.

You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?

Well” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct but it’s of no actual use to anyone.

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO in a business.

Yes, I am” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?

That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met but now it’s my fault.

3. The Tiger, the Man and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can and eventually he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having little option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down to what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask but please help.

You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.

There’s one way to save you but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it and he can see the tiger still pacing around growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

Please, Lord, tell me what I must do and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no else up there I can speak to?

4. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that old oil lamps can often house a genie they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

I am the genie of the lamp and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the customer service agent’s gone.

Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK, I guess it’s your turn now.

I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

5. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

Now Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

Well Señora, there’s tree reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.

Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?

The second reason eez that I am better cook than you,” Maria responds.

That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

The third reason eez that I ama better at sex than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and through gritted teeth she asks, “And did my husband say that too?

No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

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