32 witty, one-liner jokes about getting old to make you smile

Looking for some jokes about getting old, dear reader? Well, today I can offer you 32 of them.

Whether you’re young or old, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to a few of them.

I hope you enjoy them all, and I hope they make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

And remember this: we all get older, but getting old is a state of mind, much more than anything else. You don’t have to let the old man or woman in.

Anyway, take a few moments to read them all and then pass them on.

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Jokes about getting old:

Phil Sutton

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Dear reader, did these jokes about getting old make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

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5 humorous stories that’ll brighten your day a little

If you’re looking for some funny jokes in the form of humorous stories, then I’ve got five great ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break from the day’s pressures to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Humorous Stories:

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window, enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought, he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?

Well, his mother was a little perturbed by this question, and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny, why don’t you ask the flight attendant?

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?

The flight attendant had heard it all before, of course, but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes, mam, she did.”

Well,” said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly, Jim noticed a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

Sir, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but the city’s mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead, and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

He says he’s deep in debt, and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

Well, sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started, but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far, and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.

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3. The argument:

Doctor O’Riley and his wife are arguing at the breakfast table.

The argument is gradually escalating as they start lobbing verbal bombs at each other, trying to outdo what the other has said.

Eventually, Doctor O’Riley is in such a rage, he shouts, “And you’re no good in bed either,” before he storms out of the house.

By the time he reaches his surgery, Doctor O’Riley has calmed down, and he starts to feel guilty about his parting remark.

So, he phones his wife to apologise.

There’s no answer. So, he attempts to call several more times during the next hour. Eventually, his call is answered after many rings, and by this time, the doctor is irritated and shouts, “What took you so long to answer the phone?

I was in bed,” his wife responds.

You were in bed?” the doctor says in surprise. “What were you doing in bed?

If you must know,” his wife says, “I was getting a second opinion!

4. Seeking meaning:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful partner, Tonto, were camping in the wilderness.

It had been a long day on the trail, and after they’d set up their tent, they both fell asleep.

Hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky. What do you see?

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars, Tonto. Why?

What does that tell you, Kemo Sabe?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders this question momentarily and then says, “It tells me that the universe has millions of galaxies and billions of planets. It says we are mere specks in the great cosmos. And it says it’s approximately a quarter past two in the morning. The clear sky also suggests we will enjoy a beautiful day later. What does it tell you, Tonto?

Kemo Sabe, you’re dumber than a prairie dog,” Tonto responds. “It tells me that someone stole our tent.

Phil Sutton

5. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

To identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends, Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body, and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?

So the medical examiner rolled the body, and Jim-Bob responded immediately, saying, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

Yes, sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

This turn of events mystified the medical examiner. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?

Well, sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

Yes, sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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23 great stay focused quotes to help you pursue success

If you don’t know exactly what you want, then you’ll never get it. I’m sure that much is philosophically self-evident to you, dear reader. However, how can you know what you want?

Well, if necessary, keep trying stuff until you find something you really enjoy and at which you excel.

And once you’ve found something you love, stay focused on it and take it as far as you can possibly go.

That’s the way to achieve real success.

Here are 23 great stay-focused quotes to help you on your way.

stay-focused-quotes
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Stay focused quotes (1-7):

  1. Stay focused on the mission. ~Naveen Jain
  2. Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  3. Know what you want, and focus on how you’ll get it. And never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton
  4. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein
  5. Aim higher; stay focused. ~Brandon Adams
  6. I always want to stay focused on who I am, even as I’m discovering who I am. ~Alicia Keys
  7. Stay focused on your mission, remain steadfast in your pursuit of excellence, and always do the right thing. ~Mark Esper
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Stay focused quotes (8-15):

  1. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learning. Work hard and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not cliches, but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path. ~Phillip Sweet
  2. Stay focused, believe that you can achieve at the highest level, surround yourself with others who believe in you, and do not stray from your goal. ~Zach Ertz
  3. Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps, they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. ~Jack Canfield
  4. It’s a long road, so we are just trying to stay focused and grounded and keep moving forward. ~Sturgill Simpson
  5. My key to dealing with stress is simple: just stay cool and stay focused. ~Ashton Eaton
  6. You have to stay focused and be mentally tough. That’s what I’ve really learned: every day is a grind, and you have to go hard. ~Chris Gronkowski
  7. Stay open-minded; stay focused. Train hard and train smart. For me, the older I get, the smarter I have to train because the recovery time is longer. Work on everything: become a well-rounded fighter; don’t just be good at one thing; be good at everything. ~Brock Lesnar
  8. As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear. ~Tracee Ellis Ross
Phil Sutton

Stay focused quotes (16-23):

  1. The best career advice I’ve gotten is to stay focused and keep moving forward. ~Tyga
  2. My only goal is to stay focused on my craft and make sure my life is as sharp as it can be to attack any character that is given to me. ~Michael K. Williams
  3. I have to make sure I stay focused, have the same ambition I’ve always had, and work hard; that’s the key to success. ~Romelu Lukaku
  4. What I’ve learned is that if you stay focused, believe, and actually walk the walk, anything is possible. ~Craig David
  5. I like to stay busy, I like to stay focused, and I like to stay creative. Without being creative, I’d be dead. ~Jeremy Renner
  6. Starting a business and building a product is not for the faint of heart. You have to learn to not let little disappointments get you down and to stay focused on the big picture. ~Gillian Tans
  7. You have to stay in the moment. Stay focused. Know what you’re going to do. ~Dave Martinez
  8. As for the stage fright, it never goes away. When I’m waiting in the wings to go on, it’s agony every single time, but I stay focused, and I know that once I’m on stage, it’ll be fine; I’ll be in my happy little bubble. ~Britt Ekland

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33 freedom of speech quotes to get you thinking

If you’re looking for some freedom-of-speech quotes, I’ve curated some that are thought-provoking and interesting.

We live in an era that is often intolerant of those who express ideas and opinions that run counter to the received wisdom of the day.

However, freedom of speech matters to us all if we believe in democracy and the right of individuals to call out ideas that would not be in the interests of the majority.

Freedom of speech is precious, and we must guard it as if our lives depended on it because one day they just might.

So take a few moments to contemplate these quotes, and please feel free to pass them on.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH QUOTES
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Freedom of speech quotes (1-10):

  1. Free speech includes the right to not speak. ~Jimmy Wales
  2. You must stand for free speech in the streets. ~Mary Harris Jones
  3. With honest discussion and free speech, let people’s voices be heard. ~Ron Johnson
  4. I don’t think we should be deprived of the privilege of free speech. ~Loretta Swit
  5. I’m a free-speech bigot. I don’t like censorship; I just don’t think it’s a good thing. ~Fred Wilson
  6. You know, everybody believes in free speech until you start questioning them about it. ~Larry Flynt
  7. Free speech is not just another value. It’s the foundation of Western civilization. ~Jordan Peterson
  8. I think, with never-ending gratitude, that the young women of today do not and can never know at what price their right to free speech and to speak at all in public has been earned. ~Lucy Stone
  9. Stand-up comedy, and comedy in general, is the ultimate form of free speech because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads. ~Denis Leary
  10. Free expression is the base of human rights, the root of human nature, and the mother of truth. To kill free speech is to insult human rights, stifle human nature and suppress the truth. ~Liu Xiaobo
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Freedom of speech quotes (11-20):

  1. Free speech is the cornerstone of every right we have. ~Mark Thomas
  2. Politicians believe in freedom of speech until it becomes inconvenient to them. ~Tom Irwell
  3. Without free speech no search for truth is possible… no discovery of truth is useful. ~Charles Bradlaugh
  4. Free speech is meant to protect unpopular speech. Popular speech, by definition, needs no protection. ~Neal Boortz
  5. To suppress free speech is a double wrong. It violates the rights of the hearer as well as those of the speaker. ~Frederick Douglass
  6. Free speech is one of the most important things to me, but I think it gets confusing when it comes to offence. Because for one, just because you have the right to say anything, it doesn’t mean you have to. ~Ricky Gervais
  7. The Framers of the Constitution knew that free speech is the friend of change and revolution. But they also knew that it is always the deadliest enemy of tyranny. ~Hugo Black
  8. Liberals shouldn’t cede the responsibility to defend free speech on college campuses to conservatives. After all, without free speech, what’s liberalism about? ~Bari Weiss
  9. You can’t just slander someone, defame them, or lie about them. You can’t incite people to crime. There are all sorts of reasonable restrictions on free speech that are already codified in the British common-law system. ~Jordan Peterson
  10. It is a paradox that every dictator has climbed to power on the ladder of free speech. Immediately upon attaining power, each dictator suppressed all free speech except his own. ~Herbert Hoover
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Freedom of speech quotes (21-27):

  1. Fear of serious injury alone cannot justify the oppression of free speech and assembly. Men feared witches and burnt women. It is the function of speech to free men from the bondage of irrational fears. ~Louis D. Brandeis
  2. Free speech rights mean that government officials are barred from creating lists of approved and disapproved political ideas and then using the power of the state to enforce those preferences. ~Glenn Greenwald
  3. Free speech is the right to tell people what they don’t want to hear. The right to express opinions with which others may disagree. If we believe in free speech, then that right must be respected. ~Roy Sutton
  4. In cyberspace, people with different skin colours, nationalities, cultures and languages should be equally entitled to participation, free speech and development. We should abandon prejudices, respect differences, and be tolerant and open. ~Lu Wei
  5. We have no blasphemy laws these days but with that freedom comes the responsibility which should always attend the exercise of free speech: truth, courtesy and awareness of impact. It is the last of these which is so neglected by so much modern comedy. ~Ann Widdecombe
  6. Twitter is a form of free speech, and I’m all for that. But if Cee Lo Green, a maverick of sorts, can’t get on Twitter and say something outlandish or outrageous, then what is the whole point of Twitter at all? ~CeeLo Green
  7. None of us believes in an untrammelled right to free speech. We all agree there are always going to be lines that, for the purposes of law and order, cannot be crossed; or for the purposes of taste and decency, should not be crossed. We differ only on where those lines should be drawn. ~Mehdi Hasan
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Freedom of speech quotes (27-33):

  1. That I have the right to express myself freely at all times in all circumstances entails the idea that free speech is a ‘basic human right’ possessed by each individual, and, as such, trumps the interests of the society or group, including my neighbour. ~Tom Stoppard
  2. One of the problems with defending free speech is you often have to defend people that you find to be outrageous and unpleasant and disgusting. ~Salman Rushdie
  3. You can’t have a university without having free speech, even though at times it makes us terribly uncomfortable. If students are not going to hear controversial ideas on college campuses, they’re not going to hear them in America. I believe it’s part of their education. ~Donna Shalala
  4. The fact that we’re protected under the Constitution in exercising the right of free speech, it’s a wonderful thing. You’ve got to come from somewhere else to realize how valuable it is. ~Pat Oliphant
  5. You should protest about the views of people you disagree with over major moral issues, and argue them down, but you should not try to silence them, however repugnant you find them. That is the bitter pill free speech requires us to swallow. ~Julian Baggini
  6. The idea that corporations have the same First Amendment protections of free speech as people is troubling. Corporations are not people. They don’t attend our schools, get married and have children. They don’t vote in our elections. ~Hank Johnson
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50 motivational quotes to kickstart the day

If you’re looking for some motivational quotes to kickstart the day, dear reader, this post is just for you.

Every day brings a clean slate. You have 24 hours you can shape with your focus, your choices, and your drive.

While it’s easy to view the day as an uphill climb, the right mindset can transform that initial momentum into lasting success.

Your past was just a series of lessons. It doesn’t define your future. It’s never too late to transform the life you lead. It can be what you want it to be with enterprise and a little hard work.

Whether you have ambitious long-term goals in mind, are starting a new project, or perhaps you want to set a positive tone for the days ahead, inspiration often begins with a single powerful perspective.

Today I’m offering you 50 timeless quotes from history’s greatest thinkers, leaders, and creators to light your path, sharpen your focus, and help you own your future.

REMEMBER: the future has yet to be written, but you have the pen.

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motivational quotes to kickstart the day
motivational quotes to kickstart the day
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  1. Quality is not an act, it is a habit. ~Aristotle
  2. Dream big and dare to fail. ~Norman Vaughan
  3. Nothing will work unless you do. ~Maya Angelou
  4. There is no substitute for hard work. ~Thomas Edison
  5. Defensiveness is the first sign of defeat. ~Samuel Johnson
  6. Either you run the day, or the day runs you. ~Jim Rohn
  7. It always seems impossible until it’s done. ~Nelson Mandela
  8. Do one thing every day that scares you. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  9. Focus on being productive instead of busy. ~Tim Ferriss
  10. Courage is grace under pressure. ~Ernest Hemingway
  11. Light tomorrow with today. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  12. The future depends on what you do today. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  13. Energy and persistence conquer all things. ~Benjamin Franklin
  14. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Mark Twain
  15. Action is the foundational key to all success. ~Pablo Picasso
  16. Believe you can, and you’re halfway there. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  17. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. ~Steve Jobs
  18. The mind is everything. What you think you become. ~Buddha
  19. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. ~Wayne Gretzky
  20. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ~Albert Einstein
  21. An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. ~Benjamin Franklin
  22. Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned. ~Peter Marshall
  23. The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing. ~Walt Disney
  24. You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do. ~Henry Ford
  25. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great. ~Zig Ziglar
  26. Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. ~Arthur Ashe
  27. Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston Churchill
  28. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  29. Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it. ~Lou Holtz
  30. Don’t count the days, make the days count. ~Muhammad Ali
  31. Opportunities don’t happen, you create them. ~Chris Grosser
  32. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Squire Bill Widener
  33. Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  34. The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
  35. Go as far as you can see; when you get there, you’ll be able to see further. ~Thomas Carlyle
  36. If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it. ~Olin Miller
  37. Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. ~Dalai Lama
  38. Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. ~Farrah Gray
  39. I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. ~Stephen Covey
  40. Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. ~Vincent van Gogh
  41. Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value. ~Albert Einstein
  42. Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear. ~George Addair
  43. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  44. Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence. ~Vince Lombardi
  45. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~C.S. Lewis
  46. Change your thoughts, and you change your world. ~Norman Vincent Peale
  47. What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do. ~Tim Ferriss
  48. Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand. ~Napoleon Hill
  49. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ~Will Durant
  50. The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now. ~Chinese Proverb
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Personal Development: How to choose what to focus on first

This article is for you if you’re wondering how to choose what to focus on first.

There is something wonderfully optimistic about deciding to improve your life.

You wake up one morning and think:

“Right. Things are going to change.”

You’re going to get fitter. Earn more money. Find a better job. Become more confident. Read more. Get organised. Improve your relationships. Learn something new. Travel more. Finally start that project you’ve been thinking about for years.

And then reality hits.

You have twenty things you want to change and only enough time and energy to properly tackle one or two of them.

That’s when personal development can become overwhelming.

You don’t have a motivation problem.

You have a prioritisation problem.

And there’s an important difference.

When people decide to improve themselves, they often create an enormous list of everything that’s wrong with their lives.

Then they try to fix it all.

New diet.

New exercise regime.

New morning routine.

New career plan.

New financial strategy.

New productivity system.

New books.

New habits.

New goals.

By the end of the first week, they’re exhausted.

By the end of the second, they’ve abandoned most of it.

And then comes the inevitable thought:

“I just can’t stick to anything.”

But perhaps that’s not the real problem.

Perhaps you simply asked yourself to do too much.

Imagine trying to push ten heavy objects in ten different directions.

You’d make very little progress.

Now imagine putting all your effort behind one.

That’s what focus does.

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When you have lots of areas you’d like to improve, ask yourself:

That’s your starting point.

Notice what you’re not asking.

You’re not asking:

“What do I want to do most?”

You’re asking:

“What would make the biggest difference?”

Those are very different questions.

You might desperately want to learn Spanish.

But if you’re struggling financially, improving your income might have a much greater impact.

You might want to redecorate your home.

But if you’re exhausted because your daily routine is chaotic, getting your routine under control could have a bigger payoff.

You might want to become more confident.

But developing a skill, getting fitter or finally tackling something you’ve been avoiding might naturally increase your confidence.

The trick is to find your leverage point.

A leverage point is an improvement that makes other improvements easier.

Think of it as a domino.

You don’t need to knock down every domino yourself.

You just need to find the one that starts the chain reaction. For instance:

Better sleep

?

More energy

?

More exercise

?

Better mood

?

Greater productivity

?

More confidence

One improvement can create several others.

That’s why the question isn’t simply:

“What should I work on?”

It’s:

“What should I work on that could make everything else easier?”

Here’s a simple exercise you can use whenever you feel overwhelmed.

Write down everything you want to improve.

Then take each item and ask four questions.

1. How important is it?

If you don’t address this, will it continue to cause problems?

2. How much difference could it make?

If you improved this area, how much better could your life become?

3. Will it help other areas?

Could improving this make other goals easier?

4. Can I influence it?

Is there something you can actually do about it?

Score each from 1 to 5.

You might end up with something like this:

GoalImportanceImpactHelps Other AreasWithin My Control
Improve fitness4555
Increase income5544
Learn a language3335
Improve social life4435
Organise the house2325

The numbers don’t need to be scientifically accurate.

That’s not the point.

The exercise forces you to stop thinking about everything and start thinking about what matters most.

Look for the goal that scores strongly across several categories.

That may be your starting point.

This is one of the biggest traps in modern life.

We’re surrounded by things demanding our attention.

Emails.

Messages.

Notifications.

Appointments.

Housework.

Shopping.

Social media.

Other people’s requests.

And because they’re demanding attention, they feel important.

But they’re not necessarily moving your life forward.

Ask yourself:

“If I ignored this for the next 30 days, would my life actually be worse?”

If the answer is no, it probably isn’t your highest priority.

Now ask:

“If I worked consistently on this for the next 30 days, could my life be noticeably better?”

If the answer is yes, you’ve found something worth investigating.

A useful distinction:

URGENT
Things demanding your attention now.

IMPORTANT
Things that genuinely improve your life.

DISTRACTIONS
Things that consume your attention without moving you forward.

Your objective isn’t to eliminate everything that’s urgent.

It’s to make sure that the urgent doesn’t completely crowd out the important.

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Another reason people become overwhelmed is that their goals are too big.

They say:

“I want to get fit.”

“I want to become wealthy.”

“I want a completely different career.”

“I want to become confident.”

These are aspirations.

They’re useful.

But they’re not yet actions.

Turn them into directions.

Instead of:

“I need to get fit.”

Try:

“I’m going to walk for 20 minutes three times this week.”

Instead of:

“I need a better career.”

Try:

“I’m going to research three careers that interest me.”

Instead of:

“I need to sort out my finances.”

Try:

“I’m going to track where every pound goes for the next seven days.”

Instead of:

“I need to become more confident.”

Try:

“I’m going to do one thing this week that I’ve been avoiding.”

The first versions create pressure.

The second versions create movement.

And movement is what you need.

Here’s a simple challenge.

Don’t commit to changing your life forever.

Commit to 30 days.

Choose:

ONE area

ONE objective

ONE repeatable action

For example:

FITNESS

Objective: Become more active.

Action: Walk for 30 minutes five days a week.

MONEY

Objective: Understand where my money is going.

Action: Record every expenditure for 30 days.

CAREER

Objective: Explore better opportunities.

Action: Spend 30 minutes three times a week researching opportunities.

CONFIDENCE

Objective: Become more comfortable doing difficult things.

Action: Do one constructive thing each day that makes me slightly uncomfortable.

At the end of 30 days, stop.

Review.

What worked?

What didn’t?

What did you learn?

Then decide what comes next.

That’s personal development.

Not one gigantic transformation.

A series of intelligent experiments.

If your goal feels overwhelming, there’s a good chance you’ve made it too big.

Don’t ask:

“What’s the most I can do?”

Ask:

“What’s the smallest thing I could do consistently?”

Want to exercise?

Start with 15 minutes.

Want to read?

Start with five pages.

Want to write?

Start with 200 words.

Want to save money?

Start by tracking your spending.

Want to declutter?

Start with one drawer.

Want to build confidence?

Do one thing you’ve been avoiding.

The objective isn’t to impress yourself.

It’s to prove to yourself:

“I can do this.”

Small wins matter because they create evidence that you are capable of taking action — and that evidence can make the next step easier.

Phil Sutton

There’s another danger here.

You can become so interested in improving yourself that learning about improvement becomes a substitute for actually improving.

You read another book.

Listen to another podcast.

Watch another video.

Download another productivity app.

Create another plan.

Research another technique.

And feel incredibly productive.

Except…

Nothing has changed.

Remember this:

Information is not transformation.

Reading about exercise isn’t exercise.

Reading about money isn’t managing your money.

Reading about confidence isn’t becoming confident.

Reading about productivity isn’t being productive.

Learn what you need to know.

Then put the book down.

And do something.

Here’s a surprisingly powerful technique.

When you’ve chosen your priority, make another list.

Call it:

NOT NOW

Put everything else on it.

For example:

  • Learn Spanish — not now
  • Start a podcast — not now
  • Redecorate the house — not now
  • Start another side business — not now
  • Read 50 books — not now
  • Learn photography — not now

Notice the wording.

You’re not saying never.

You’re saying:

“This isn’t my priority right now.”

That distinction is liberating.

You can pursue those things later.

But for now, you’ve given yourself permission to concentrate.

Once a week, take ten minutes.

Ask yourself five questions.

1. What went well?

Celebrate progress.

Even tiny progress.

2. What didn’t go well?

Don’t criticise yourself.

Get curious.

3. What did I learn?

Every failed attempt gives you information.

4. What should I change?

Adjust the strategy.

Don’t automatically abandon the goal.

5. What’s the ONE thing that matters next week?

And there it is again.

One thing.

Sometimes you genuinely have several pressing priorities.

When that happens, use this sequence:

FIRST

What could cause serious problems if I ignore it?

Deal with genuine risks.

SECOND

What’s draining the most energy?

Reducing a major source of stress can create capacity for everything else.

THIRD

What could create the biggest positive change?

Look for leverage.

FOURTH

What can I actually influence?

Don’t waste energy trying to control what you can’t control.

FIFTH

What’s the smallest useful action I can take?

That’s where you begin.

This might be the most reassuring thing you’ll read today.

You don’t need a five-year plan.

You don’t need to know your ultimate purpose.

You don’t need to know exactly where you’ll be in ten years.

And you certainly don’t need to have your entire life figured out before you begin.

You simply need to make the best decision you can with the information you have today.

Then take a step.

That step gives you information.

The information helps you make the next decision.

And the next.

That’s how meaningful change usually happens.

Not:

PLAN ? PERFECT DECISION ? SUCCESS

But:

THINK ? ACT ? LEARN ? ADJUST ? ACT AGAIN

If you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, stop reading for a moment.

Get a piece of paper.

Write down everything you want to change.

Don’t edit yourself.

Don’t judge yourself.

Just write.

Now circle the three things that could make the biggest difference.

Then ask:

“If I could improve only ONE of these during the next 30 days, which one would I choose?”

Circle it.

Now ask:

Write it down.

And then do it.

That’s it.

You have started.

Meaningful change doesn’t usually happen because you suddenly become incredibly motivated.

It happens through a cycle:

CHOOSE ? ACT ? LEARN ? ADJUST ? REPEAT

You choose a priority.

You take a small action.

You see what happens.

You learn.

You adjust your approach.

Then you do it again.

Over time, those small actions create momentum.

If you remember only one thing from this article, remember this:

EVERYTHING I WANT TO CHANGE

?

CHOOSE ONE AREA

?

FIND THE LEVERAGE

?

SET ONE OBJECTIVE

?

TAKE ONE SMALL ACTION

?

REPEAT

?

REVIEW & LEARN

?

CHOOSE THE NEXT STEP

You don’t have to change your entire life today.

You just need to improve one part of it.

Then another.

Then another.

Those small improvements begin to compound.

And eventually something remarkable happens.

You look back and realise that you didn’t transform your life through one enormous burst of motivation.

You changed it through hundreds of small decisions to do something a little better than before.

When you’re trying to improve your life, don’t ask:

“How can I fix everything?”

That’s an impossible question.

Ask:

“What is the one thing I could improve that would make the biggest positive difference?”

Then make it smaller.

Choose one action.

Do it consistently.

Learn from what happens.

Adjust.

Repeat.

You don’t need to have your future figured out.

You just need to know what deserves your attention next.

And sometimes, knowing what to do next is all the clarity you need.

Did you find this article interesting and useful, dear reader?

If so, then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

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5 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

5 FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Few things in life can beat a good laugh. However, a better thing is making your friends laugh. So if you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends, then today I offer you five of them, which I’m confident will raise a smile or two.

So take a few moments to enjoy them, and then feel free to pass them on to others.

It’s always good to share the smiles.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The Chapel of Rest:

When I was about seven years old, my father took me to the local funeral parlour, as he wanted to pay his respects to an old work colleague who’d recently died.

This was a man I’d never met, but it was important to my father, and he thought it would be a good life experience for me to accompany him.

As we waited our turn to view the open casket, I sat quietly in a corner, waiting for the time to pass.

Suddenly, the door to the Chapel of Rest opened, and an elderly man I’d never met came out, and as he did so, he smiled at me and said, “Make sure you enjoy your life, son. Be happy because it’ll all go by in the blink of an eye. Look at me, I didn’t, and now it’s too late.

With that, the man disappeared through the door onto the street, and it was our turn to view the body and pay our respects.

We walked solemnly into the Chapel of Rest, and I looked into the open casket.

I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it. The body in the casket was the man who’d just spoken to me.

Well, I was utterly traumatized by the experience. I had nightmares, and I was terrified to be alone. I couldn’t sleep without the light on for several years.

It got so bad that I had to go for psychotherapy and counselling.

As I got older, gradually I began to cope a bit better, until one day I discovered something that completely changed my life.

I learned that my father’s dead colleague had an identical twin brother.

Phil Sutton

2. The Driving Test:

Jane arrived home, having just taken her driving test for the ninth time.

Naturally, her husband, Bill, was keen to know how she’d gotten on this time.

So, honey, how did it go this time?” Bill asked.

Not good,” Jane responded. “They failed me again.”

Really?” said Bill, sounding disappointed for her. “What did they pull you up on this time?

A rope,” Jane responded, sheepishly.

A rope?” Bill inquired, looking slightly puzzled.

Yes, that’s how they got me out,” Jane responded. “The car’s still in the river.”

3. The Infertility Problem:

A farmer went into a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman sitting next to him at the counter said, “Well, how about that? I just ordered champagne, too!

What a coincidence,” the farmer responded. “This is a special day for me, so I’m celebrating!

Well, this is a special day for me too, so I’m celebrating as well,” the woman replied.

What a coincidence!” said the farmer. As they clinked glasses in celebration, the farmer asked, “What are you celebrating, mam?

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby,” said the woman, “and my gynaecologist has just confirmed that I’m pregnant!

What a coincidence!” said the farmer. “I’m a chicken farmer, and my hens were infertile all last year, but today they are all laying eggs!

Wow, that’s great!” said the woman. “So, how did your chickens suddenly become fertile?

I used a different c***,” replied the farmer.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass again, and said, “What a coincidence!

DishDilemma.com

4. The Confessional Booth:

Father Murphy was taking confessions when a teenage boy entered the confessional booth.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” said the youth. “I have been with a girl of loose morals.”

Is that you, young Jimmy Walsh?” Father Murphy inquired.

“Yes, Father, it is,” young Jimmy responded.

And you, an altar boy! I’m disappointed in you, Jimmy,” said Father Murphy. “Who is this young girl?

Oh Father, I don’t want to get her a bad reputation,” said Jimmy, defensively.

Was it Bernadette Kelly?” Father Murphy inquired.

“No, Father,” said Jimmy.

Was it Patricia O’Connor?” Father Murphy continued.

“No, Father,” said Jimmy.

Was it Teresa O’Sullivan?” Father Murphy pressed on.

Father, I cannot give you her name. It wouldn’t be fair,” said Jimmy.

Well, I admire your loyalty to this girl, Jimmy, but you’ve sinned, and if you insist on remaining tight-lipped, then you must accept your penance,” Father Murphy responded.

And what will that be, Father?” Jimmy asked.

“You’re barred from serving as an altar boy again for three months.” Father Murphy responded sternly.

Young Jimmy walked back to the pew slowly, and as he sat down, his friend Rory whispered, “How did it go?

The plan worked like a charm,” Jimmy responded with a smile. “Three months off and three great leads.

5. Experimental Surgery:

Family and friends were gathered at the bedside of Jim, who was in a coma.

Eventually, a doctor arrived to update Jim’s loved ones on his situation.

The doctor paused momentarily as he observed the concern on their faces.

I’m afraid I have some bad news for you,” said the doctor.

What is it, doc?” asked Jim’s brother.

Well,” responded the doctor. “If Jim is to survive, his only hope would be a brain transplant. I must tell you, this type of surgery is still experimental, it’s risky, and there will be a cost that you will need to pay.

Jim’s loved ones stood there in stunned silence.

After a few minutes, Jim’s wife asked the doctor, “How much would his new brain cost?

Well, that depends,” said the doctor. “A male brain would cost around $10,000, whereas a female brain would be about $1,000.

An awkward moment followed, as the men at Jim’s bedside couldn’t resist smirking.

Then Jim’s wife’s curiosity got the better of her.

Why is the male brain so much more expensive, doctor?” she asked.

Well, it’s our standard practice,” said the doctor. “We have to lower the price of a female brain because they’ve been used.

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So dear reader, did you find these funny jokes to tell your friends as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

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Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

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6 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

6 short story jokes

Here are six short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figure he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the police.

In his first week on the job, the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money, he thinks, and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money, and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that the deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun, which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector, and with real menace in his voice, he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again, and I think he’s serious.

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes, and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and soon realizes he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height and suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me, sir, I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies, “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.

You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised. “How did you guess?

Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but it’s of no actual use to anyone.

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO of a business.

Yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?

That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.

3. The Tiger, the Man, and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can, and eventually, he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having no other option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment, a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock, and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down at what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls, it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask, but please help.

You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea, but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.

There’s one way to save you, but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it, and he can see the tiger still pacing around, growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

Please, Lord, tell me what I must do, and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him, and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no one else up there I can speak to?

SHORT STORY JOKES
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4. The Mercedes Dealership:

An elderly man returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car he was interested in to a beautiful, busty blonde.

I thought you said you would hold that car for me until I raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the old man. “And now I’m told you just closed a deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.

Well, sir, what can I tell you?” replied the salesman, grinning. “She had the cash in her hand, and just look at her; she’s stunningly beautiful. How could I resist?”

At this point, the young lady approached the old man and handed him the keys to the car.

There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop his asking price. See you later, Grandpa.”

Moral of the story: Never mess with old people!

5. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk, and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that an old oil lamp can often house a genie, they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

I am the genie of the lamp, and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the customer service agent’s gone.

Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK, Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.

I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

Phil Sutton

6. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

Now, Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.

Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh, he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?

The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh, he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and, through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?

No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

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Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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31 Interesting quotes by Lucius B. Wack

If it’s interesting quotes you’re looking for, dear reader, then I have 31 more excellent observations from my good friend Lucius B. Wack.

Regular readers will know that a couple of my recent posts have curated quotes from this modern philosopher.

As previously stated, Lucius B. Wack is someone I admire, so I thought it might be interesting to share some more of his thoughts on life today.

So, read these interesting quotes and see what you think.

I hope you find these observations about modern life in the Western world interesting.

If you do, then please feel free to pass them on to your friends.

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Interesting Quotes (1-10):

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Interesting Quotes (11-20):

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Interesting Quotes (21-31):

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15 famous Dolly Parton quotes about Dolly Parton

Today I want to take a look at some famous Dolly Parton quotes about Dolly Parton.

All music fans will have been shocked to hear the news of the sad death of the legendary Dolly Parton. Though she was often dismissed as nothing more than those assets for which she was famous, Dolly Parton deserved our respect. In my opinion, she was smart and talented, and she had a great sense of humour too. There will never be another Dolly. Rest in peace, Dolly, and thanks for all the music. You will be missed.

Anyway, there are some great quotes here, so take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And then, please pass them on.

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Famous Dolly Parton quotes:

  1. People say I look so happy, and I say, ‘That’s the Botox.’
  2. My weakness has always been food and men, in that order.
  3. It’s a good thing I was born a girl; otherwise, I’d be a drag queen.
  4. If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging, I’ll get it nipped, tucked or sucked.
  5. The biggest heartaches in my life have been because I wanted people to love me more than they were willing or able to.
  6. I thank God for my failures. Maybe not at the time but after some reflection. I never feel like a failure just because something I tried has failed.
  7. I look just like the girl next door if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.
  8. When I’m inspired, I get excited because I can’t wait to see what I’ll come up with next.
  9. I’m no natural beauty. If I’m gonna have any looks at all, I’m gonna have to create them.
  10. I may have a little body art, but I’m not telling you where. (On being asked whether she had any tattoos)
  11. Maybe when I’m 100 and you’ll be sorry then. (On being asked whether she’d ever pose nude)
  12. I was already into plastic surgery when most of these country singers were still into plastic sheets.
  13. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb, and I also know that I’m not blonde.
  14. Music has always been the centre for me, and when I go, I want to fall dead on stage, right in the middle of a song.
  15. I was the first woman to burn my bra. It took the fire department four days to put it out.
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Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these famous Dolly Parton quotes interesting, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please, please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share everyone wins.

So please share this post now, whilst you have the chance. If you can do that for me then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

Phil Sutton

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