5 powerful quotes along with words of wisdom to inspire you

Powerful quotesToday I offer you 5 powerful quotes, along with some words of wisdom to inspire you. This inspiration will get you thinking and, hopefully, propel you towards success.

Powerful Quotes:

1. Formula for living:

Do you want to know my formula for living? I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I do the very best I can with what I’ve got and I never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton

Life doesn’t have to be complicated.

If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to get started, then the perfect moment is always right now.

Just get started and do what you can with whatever you’ve got.

No one gets dealt a perfect hand in life.

So just play the cards you’ve been dealt and play them as well as you can. Always play to your strengths and just keep going.

You’ll get there in the end.

If you can achieve your full potential and leave a legacy behind you, then that will be a life well-lived.

2. Good health:

To keep the body in good health is a duty. Otherwise, we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. ~Buddha

Some time ago, I was given a reminder of the importance of looking after my own health. I was struck down with a kidney infection and I spent a week in hospital receiving treatment to help me get over it.

It felt like a week of my life lost. Not being able to do all the things I’d taken for granted proved very frustrating for me.

Generally, I do try to look after myself but I still got caught out. So I’ll try a lot harder in future.

Never again do I want to feel that unwell.

My time is precious, so above all, I don’t want to feel that I’ve lost any more of it. That would seem such a waste to me.

If you don’t have your health then you don’t have very much at all.

3. Happiness:

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present. ~Jim Rohn

Postponing your happiness until some unspecified future date would be like putting off having fun until your old age.

Why would that make sense to anyone?

We have to be happy in the here and now.

Life isn’t perfect and for almost everyone, it’s full of challenges but it’s not all bad.

Happiness is a state of mind.

It’s a willingness to enjoy whatever it is that you have now and a determination not to worry about anything you don’t have.

You look for the positives in your life and try to forget about the negatives.

People often fret about things they don’t have and yet they fail to appreciate the good things in their lives.

We worry about stuff we don’t have and yet we fail to appreciate the people in our lives.

In reality, we can live without most stuff, despite what we might think.

It’s people who matter most; family, friends, workmates and ordinary people we meet each and every day during the course of our lives.

So enjoy what you have and forget about what you don’t have. You’ll be happier that way.

Powerful quotes4. Attitude:

The choice to have a great attitude is something that nobody or no circumstance can take from you. ~Zig Ziglar

Let me tell you, nothing makes a better impression on me than someone with a great attitude.

And nothing makes a worse impression on me than someone with a bad attitude.

Your attitude defines you and it will define your life experiences too. That’s a fact, in my experience.

If you’re a Rock star or a Gangsta Rapper then perhaps a little attitude goes with the territory, if your aim is to appeal to a teenage constituency.

Occasionally, even in the real world, a little attitude might secure you an outcome you wouldn’t otherwise have got simply because whoever you’re annoying just wants to get rid of you.

However, mostly a bad attitude will not get you any place worth going. Don’t be fooled into thinking otherwise.

You can choose to have a great attitude or not. That choice is yours and so will be the consequences of your choice.

Take a tip from me; a positive attitude will beat a negative attitude every day of every week of every month of every year. Simple!

5. Never, ever give up:

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. ~Thomas A. Edison

If you want to succeed at anything then you must never, ever give up.

Yes, it’s hard, of course. It’s meant to be.

Nothing worth having ever came easy.

You have to keep going until you get to where you want to be.

Yes, you’ll make mistakes. Yes, you’ll stumble from time to time. However, you must keep your eye on the prize.

If you really want it, it can be yours. If you don’t you’ll just give up and then make excuses.

You need to be driven by the desire to get what you want.

Winners never quit and quitters never win. Which one are you?

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If you did like it then please share this post with your friends on social media.

People love inspirational quotes, so share this post now.

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Announcing a new channel for fans seeking fight news

One Way FightingIf you’re interested in combat sports, UFC and Mixed Martial Arts, then you might be interested to hear about a new website and YouTube channel dedicated to bringing Fight News to fans.

One Way Fighting is brought to you by Neill Smith and James Conway, two fight enthusiasts keen to share their love of the sport with fans everywhere.

Whilst this is not the usual type of post I include on this website, I’m keen to support a couple of young guys starting out on their digital journey.

So please check out the One Way Fighting website HERE.

And their One Way Fighting YouTube channel HERE.

If you can do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a couple of young guys realise their dream.

They do need everyone’s support, so go on, please check them out now.

And if you enjoy their videos, make sure you hit SUBSCRIBE too. That way you’ll get notified immediately, whenever they upload something new.

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Remember; when you share, everyone wins.

If you could please share this post now, I’d really appreciate it. You’d be helping a couple of young, keen YouTubers reach a wider audience. And it’s always a good idea to help and support people who are starting something new.

Thank you.

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15 Quotes by Confucius to guide you in life

Quotes by ConfuciusConfucius was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician and philosopher, believed to have been born around 551BC.

Even though we cannot truly be sure whether he genuinely existed at all, it is as a philosopher that he’s best remembered.

Those words of wisdom, credited to Confucious, continue to enlighten us and his quotes read like a guide to life.

So today I offer you 15 quotes by Confucius, which will help shed a little light on this otherwise dark world in which we live.

Read Confucius over and over and in time you will be enlightened, I am sure.

So take a few moments and let these quotes by Confucius be your guide.

Quotes by Confucius:

  1. Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.
  2. Respect yourself and others will respect you.
  3. A superior man is modest in speech but exceeds in actions.
  4. When anger rises, think of the consequences.
  5. Silence is a true friend who never betrays.
  6. Wherever you’re going, go with all your heart.
  7. Forget injuries but never forget kindnesses.
  8. Have no friends that are not your equal.
  9. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
  10. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.
  11. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
  12. It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
  13. Study the past if you are to define the future.
  14. He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
  15. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

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21 thought-provoking quotes about strength

quotes about strengthLife can be overwhelming sometimes, can’t it? We all experience pressures and problems. If that’s you, dear reader, then you’re not alone.

In times of trial, it’s easy to feel you’re not strong enough to cope.

However, it is through life’s challenges that character is forged.

If you can keep going through your most difficult times then you’ll become stronger as a result.

Remember this; you’re a lot stronger than you think.

You have enormous strength within you, so dig deep.

Keep going and never let anything beat you.

You’re as good as anyone. If others can, so can you.

And to help you keep it all in perspective here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about strength:-

Quotes about strength:

  1. Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it. ~Joel Osteen
  2. Tough times never last but tough people do. ~Robert H. Schuller
  3. There are better starters than me but I’m a strong finisher. ~Usain Bolt
  4. Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle. ~Napoleon Hill
  5. Be very strong and be very methodical in your life if you want to be a champion. ~Alberto Juantorena
  6. A single arrow is easily broken; a bundle of ten is not. ~Japanese Proverb
  7. Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. ~Arnold Schwarzenegger
  8. All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. ~Walt Disney
  9. There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up. ~Booker T. Washington
  10. quotes about strengthA truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep. ~Vernon Howard
  11. Little strokes fell great oaks. ~Ben Franklin
  12. Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. ~Hermann Hesse
  13. We gain strength and courage and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. We must do that which we think we cannot. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  14. Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  15. That which does not kill us makes us stronger. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
  16. You have power over your mind; not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. ~Marcus Aurelius
  17. Sometimes you don’t realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. ~Susan Gale
  18. Anyone can give up it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength. ~Author Unknown
  19. Fall down seven times, get up eight. ~Japanese Proverb
  20. The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
  21. Strong people don’t put people down. They lift them up! ~Author Unknown

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21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed

very corny jokesLife can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day.

To help you with that I’ve been collecting more very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown‘.

However, if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

So here they are, 21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

very corny jokes11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

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3 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse you

3 funny jokes that won't offend but will amuse youToday I offer you some very funny jokes that won’t offend anyone but they’ll definitely amuse you and your friends dear reader, of that I’m confident.

So take a moment to enjoy these three little gems. And of course, share them with your friends.

1. Father Murphy:

Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.

He doesn’t say much and he looks uncomfortable but the congregation know him to be a bit shy.

As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar and, as the couple approach, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.

Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight but he appears to be confident and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

After the couple have made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar and once again he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.

Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says, “I hope you don’t mind me asking Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.

I know“, Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”

2. Running out of gas:

Gerry is driving down the freeway when he runs out of gas.

He’s sitting there in the driver’s seat wondering what to do next when a bee flies in through his window.

What seems to be your problem?” asks the bee.

I’ve run out of gas“, Gerry replies.

That’s unfortunate”, says the bee. “However if you wait here I can help you.

The bee then flies off, only to return minutes later with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into his gas tank, leaving Gerry wondering exactly what’s going on.

After a few minutes, the swarm flies off and the bee says to Gerry, “Try it now.

Gerry turns his ignition key and his car fires into action immediately.

Wow!” Gerry exclaims. “What did you put in the gas tank?

The bee smiles and says, “BP, of course.

3 funny jokes that won't offend but will amuse you3. The lion enclosure:

It’s Jim’s first day on the job as a trainee zookeeper at London Zoo.

His boss wants to ease him into his duties gently so Jim’s given the fish to look after.

Unfortunately, Jim gets all the fish food mixed up with the chemicals and he manages to kill all the fish.

Worried that the mistake might cost him his job, Jim decides it might be easier to cover it up by gathering all the now-dead-fish together and throwing them into the lion enclosure when no-one’s looking.

After lunch Jim’s boss asks him to feed the chimpanzees.

Unfortunately once again by mistake Jim gives them all the wrong food and manages to kill them off too.

Again he’s worried that he could lose the job he only started that very morning. So he decides on another cover-up. Once again Jim dumps all the bodies into the lion enclosure whilst no-one’s looking.

Well, two major mistakes in one day was a little embarrassing, so in the late afternoon, Jim decides to sneak off early before he could do anything else wrong.

Sadly another disaster was waiting to happen.

When reversing his car he managed to back it into the apiary and in doing so crushed all the bees.

Left with little option Jim executed yet another cover-up. He scooped up the crushed bees and again through them all into the lion enclosure.

Jim then jumps into his car and heads for home.

The next day, the zoo has a new arrival. It’s a new lion transferred from Whipsnade Zoo.

What’s it like here then?” the new lion asks the others in the lion enclosure.

Not bad“, one replies, “there’s less space here than at Whipsnade but the food’s good. Yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.

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So dear reader, did these funny jokes that won’t offend anyone make you laugh? I hope so.

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3 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

3 funny can't-stop-laughing jokes you'll loveHere are 3 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love. If you’re in need of a laugh then I suggest you take a couple of minutes and check these out now:-

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

They’ve already earned me over a $100”, said Johnny

Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?

Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3 funny can't-stop-laughing jokes you'll love3. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercise and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

Where’s the low fat table?” asked Jim.

Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you.

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

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5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

short story jokes guaranteed to make you laughHere are five short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the Police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figured that he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the Police.

In his first week on the job the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money he thinks and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and they ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector and then with real menace in his voice he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again and I think he’s serious.

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and he soon realizes that he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height and then he suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me sir I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.

You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?

Well” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct but it’s of no actual use to anyone.

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO in a business.

Yes, I am” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?

That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met but now it’s my fault.

short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh3. The Tiger, the Man and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can and eventually he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having little option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down to what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask but please help.

You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.

There’s one way to save you but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it and he can see the tiger still pacing around growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

Please, Lord, tell me what I must do and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no else up there I can speak to?

4. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that old oil lamps can often house a genie they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

I am the genie of the lamp and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the customer service agent’s gone.

Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.

I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh5. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

Now Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

Well Señora, there’s three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.

Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?

The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

Oh he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?

No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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10 amusing quotes that might just make you smile

Amusing QuotesIf you have a passion for offbeat quotes then here are 10 of the best quotes you’ll read today. Well, I think so. Certainly, they’re amusing quotes.

Unfortunately, they’re all by authors unknown, so I haven’t been able to add credits. However, it would be a genuine pleasure to include credits if readers can shed any light on their origin. So, please do let me know.

In the meantime, enjoy today’s amusing quotes:-

Amusing quotes:

  1. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.
  2. The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
  3. Sometimes the best part of my job is a chair that swivels.
  4. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
  5. The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.
  6. I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke but the best ones argon.
  7. Kids, I don’t know if our ceiling is the best ceiling but it’s definitely up there.
  8. What’s my best non-swearing insult? “I hope you step on a Lego in your bare feet!”
  9. A woman’s dream is not to find the perfect mate. A woman’s dream is to eat without putting on weight.
  10. Laughing is one of the best exercises; it’s like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it’s even better with a friend.

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these quotes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then if you’re looking for more posts to make you smile, just click on some of the links below.

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25 clever one-liners so funny you’ll howl laughing

Clever one linersIf you’re anything like me dear reader then you’ll love clever one-liners. I’m constantly collecting them in my journal.

Today I thought I’d share with you some of the best ones I’ve come across recently.

I found them all hilarious and I’m confident that you will enjoy them too.

Please share them with your friends, but not until you’ve had the chance to have a laugh.

Clever one-liners:

  1. I’d like to start with the chimney jokes. I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house. ~Tim Vine
  2. Exit signs? They’re on the way out! ~Tim Vine
  3. I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over. ~Milton Jones
  4. Conjunctivitis.com: that’s a site for sore eyes. ~Tim Vine
  5. Hedgehogs: Why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski
  6. My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape. I choose round. ~Sarah Millican
  7. The toughest job I ever had? Selling doors, door-to-door. ~Bill Bailey
  8. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~Ken Dodd
  9. I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time. ~Tom Ward
  10. My grandfather invented the cold air balloon. It never really took off. ~Milton Jones
  11. My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He’s a catholic converter. ~Tim Vine
  12. The best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast. ~Demetri Martin
  13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any. ~Tommy Cooper
  14. I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper. Dicing with death. ~Tim Vine
  15. It’s hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not. ~Milton Jones
  16. A cement mixer collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. ~Peter Kay
  17. The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job; especially if you’ve got hayfever. ~Milton Jones
  18. Helvetica and Times New Roman walked into a bar. “We don’t serve your type!” said the barman. ~Author Unknown
  19. You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee. ~Milton Jones
  20. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  21. This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’ ~Tim Vine
  22. Two monkeys were getting into the bath. One said: ‘Oo, oo, aah.’ The other replied: ‘Put some cold in then.’ – Harry Hill
  23. I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess. ~Matt Kirshen
  24. Two fish are sitting in a tank. One looks over at the other and says: “Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?” ~Author Unknown
  25. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’ ~Tim Vine

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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