21 thought-provoking one-liners you’ll love


Thought-Provoking One-LinersI love a good one-line quote.

They can be powerful and they can be useful when you need to reinforce a point whilst making a presentation or when you’re trying to make your case in a debate or argument.

Here are 21 great, thought-provoking one-liners all of which certainly made me think.

Thought-provoking one-liners:

  1. People may hear your words but they feel your attitude. ~John C. Maxwell
  2. The only source of knowledge is experience. ~Albert Einstein
  3. There is no substitute for hard work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  4. To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. ~Aldous Huxley
  5. To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. ~George MacDonald
  6. Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. ~W. Clement Stone
  7. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  8. The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~Emma Goldman
  9. Lost time is never found again. ~Benjamin Franklin
  10. The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows. ~Aristotle Onassis
  11. Thought-Provoking One-LinersYou have to dream before your dreams can come true. ~APJ Abdul Kalam
  12. Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live. ~Jim Rohn
  13. Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. ~Joseph Addison
  14. Health is not valued till sickness comes. ~Thomas Fuller
  15. Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. ~Napoleon Bonaparte
  16. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. ~Dalai Lama
  17. Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. ~Emily Dickinson
  18. One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. ~Bob Marley
  19. Anybody who thinks money will make you happy hasn’t got money. ~David Geffen
  20. Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne
  21. Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. ~Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Further Reading:

If you like thought-provoking quotes then there are plenty of good books full of them. Three you might consider are:-

Incredible Quotations: 230 Thought-Provoking Quotes with Prompts to Spark Students’ Writing, Thinking, and Discussion by Jacqueline Sweeney

365 Thought Provoking Quotes: Leading you to your daily breakthrough by Cynamon Scott

The Little Book of Big Quotes: Inspirational, Motivational, Truthful, and Thought-provoking Quotes: Volume I Words That Can Change Your Life by Carlos Salinas

You can take a look at each of them by clicking on the links.

DISCLAIMER: This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links in Further Reading above and then make a purchase, you should know that this website will receive a small commission. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site. Your understanding is truly appreciated. Thank you.

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15 Quotes to Inspire Success

Quotes to Inspire SuccessDo you crave success?

What is real success to you dear reader?

Success is different for everyone, of course. It’s all a matter of opinion really. One person’s ceiling is another person’s floor, as they say.

However regardless of how you define it, success won’t happen unless you make it happen. And to make it happen you’ll need a little inspiration occasionally.

So today I offer you 15 quotes to inspire success.

Whatever real success looks like for you dear reader, let me tell you, it can be achieved. Just believe you can you will.

Yes, it requires determination and hard work. Yes, you’ll need the occasional bit of luck along the way. Nevertheless it can be done and people do. And so can you!

Quotes to Inspire Success:

  1. Opportunities don’t happen. You create them. ~Chris Grosser
  2. I never dreamed about success, I worked for it. ~Estee Lauder
  3. Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion. ~Tony Hsieh
  4. In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can. ~Nikos Kazantzakis
  5. If you really look closely, most overnight successes took a long time. ~Steve Jobs
  6. Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts. ~Winston S. Churchill
  7. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.” ~Henry David Thoreau
  8. Success is about creating benefit for all and enjoying the process. If you focus on this and adopt this definition, success is yours. ~Kelly Kim
  9. The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. ~Mark Caine
  10. The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will. ~Vince Lombardi
  11. Successful people do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do. Don’t wish it were easier; wish you were better. ~Jim Rohn
  12. I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite. ~GK Chesterton
  13. There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. ~Colin Powell
  14. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton
  15. If you don’t value your time, neither will others. Stop giving away your time and talents. Value what you know and start charging for it. ~Kim Garst

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5 really funny jokes that will have you weeping with laughter

Really Funny Jokes1. Flatulent Old Lady:

An old lady was having an embarrassing problem with bloating and gas, so she decided to see her physician.

Hello Mrs Johnson,” said the doctor, “and what’s troubling you today?

Well Doctor Carmichael,” she responded, “I can’t stop breaking wind. Fortunately they’re silent and they don’t smell but it does feel embarrassing. Honestly, I’ve farted several times whilst I’ve been sitting here. What can I do?

The kindly doctor smiled at her and said, “Mrs Johnson just take these pills three times a day for seven days and then come back and see me as soon as you’ve finished the medication.

One week later Mrs Johnson is back in the doctor’s office and is clearly unhappy.

Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me last week but my problem is even worse,” she said.

In what way?” the doctor enquired.

Well I’m still breaking wind just as much and they’re still silent,” she said, “but now the smell is terrible. I mean they really stink.

Excellent!” said the doctor. “That means we’ve fixed the problem with your sinuses. Now let’s see what we can do about your hearing.

2. The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.

Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.

You’ve been fired? Now why would they do that to you Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

Oh, I got caught putting my penis in the potato peeler.” Paddy responded.

Oh, Paddy that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

Oh she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

3. Farmer Jim’s Accident:

Farmer Jim decided to take the trucking company responsible for his accident to court because of the severity of his injuries.

Needless to say the trucking company hired a fancy lawyer and whilst questioning Farmer Jim in the court room he enquired, “Is it not true that at the scene of the accident you said specifically, in front of witnesses, ‘I’m fine’?

Farmer Jim responded, “Sir, let me tell you what happened. I had just loaded my best mule Bessie into the…….

I didn’t ask you for any details sir,” the lawyer interrupted, “Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’ Yes or No?

Farmer Jim said, “Well, I’d just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….

Once again, the lawyer was quick to interrupt Farmer Jim mid-sentence.

Looking at the Judge the lawyer said, “Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.

Well as luck would have it, the judge was interested in what Farmer Jim had to say, so he said to the lawyer, “I’m sorry sir but I’d like to hear what this man has to say. So I would ask him to continue with his story.

Jim thanked the Judge and continued.

Well,” he said, “I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and I was driving her down the highway when this huge truck with a trailer ran the stop sign and T-boned my truck.”

And then what happened?” The Judge enquired.

Well, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.” Jim responded.

And were you hurt?” The Judge asked.

Yes,” said Jim. “I was hurting real bad and I didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

And then what happened?” the Judge asked.

Well, shortly after the accident the Highway Patrolman appeared at the scene.” Jim said.

And what did he do?” the Judge responded.

Well Your Honor, he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her momentarily he then took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.” said Jim.

And did you say to the Highway Patrolman that you were fine?” The Judge asked.

Well,” said Jim. “After he shot Bessie, he came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had no choice but to shoot her. How are you feeling?’”

4. Day of Reckoning:

A Catholic priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates as St Peter processes the new arrivals to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Ahead of the priest in the queue is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

This guy gets to the front of the line and St Peter looks at his clipboard, looks the guy up and down and then asks, “Could you tell me your name please, so I may confirm whether you’re to be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven?

Sure!” says the guy. “I’m Joe Cohen and I was a taxi driver in New York City.

St Peter looks down his list and ticks off Joe Cohen’s name. He then smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and the golden staff Mr Cohen and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Joe Cohen smiles and walks through the Pearly Gates in his silken robe and carrying the golden staff, whilst it’s the priest’s turn with St Peter.

Before St Peter can utter a single word the priest says, “I’m Father Joseph O’Donnell and I have been the parish priest at St Andrews Roman Catholic Church in Manhattan for the past 40 years.

Once again St Peter consults his clipboard, ticks off Father O’Donnell’s name and then says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff father and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

Having seen Joe Cohen receive a silken robe and a golden staff Father O’Donnell is left feeling a little short-changed.

Hold it there, just a minute,” said Father O’Donnell. “How is it that Joe Cohen got silk and gold and yet I only get cotton and wood? How can this be? Surely there’s some mistake?

No mistake,” St Peter responded. “In heaven we reward by results. When you gave your sermons your congregation slept. When Joe Cohen drove his taxi his passengers prayed.

5. The Annual Check-up:

An 85 year old man was visiting his doctor for his annual check-up.

So Mr Jenkins, how are you keeping?” the doctor enquired.

Doctor, I’ve never felt better,” Mr Jenkins responded. “I’ve even married my 18 year old girlfriend recently and she’s now pregnant with my child. So, how about that then?

The doctor considered this momentarily and then said, “Let me tell you a story Mr Jenkins. A friend of mine was a keen hunter. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidently picked up an umbrella instead of his gun.

Really?” said Mr Jenkins.

Yes,” said the doctor. “Anyway, he was in the woods when suddenly a very large grizzly bear appeared in front of him. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?

Dumbfounded the old man said, “No Doc, what?

The bear dropped dead in front of him,” the doctor replied.

No Doc, that can’t be right.” said the old man. “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the bear.

The doctor smiled and said, “Exactly!

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15 Quotes by Plato

Quotes by PlatoYou’ll probably know dear reader that Plato was another of the great philosophers of Classical Greece.

He was taught by Socrates and his most famous student was Aristotle.

Plato is widely considered to be the most pivotal figure in the development of philosophy, so he was both important and influential.

Unlike nearly all of his philosophical contemporaries, his entire work is believed to have survived intact for over 2,400 years.

The quotes attributed to Plato are certainly words of wisdom, so consider them carefully whenever you have the time.

To help you, here are 15 quotes by Plato guaranteed to make you think.

Quotes by Plato:

  1. Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself. ~Plato
  2. The measure of a man is what he does with power. ~Plato
  3. Only the dead have seen the end of the war. ~Plato
  4. The greatest wealth is to live content with little. ~Plato
  5. He who is not a good servant will not be a good master. ~Plato
  6. If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life. ~Plato
  7. Opinion is the medium between knowledge and ignorance. ~Plato
  8. Human behaviour flows from three main sources; desire, emotion and knowledge. ~Plato
  9. No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education. ~Plato
  10. You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. ~Plato
  11. Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something. ~Plato
  12. Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others. ~Plato
  13. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the law. ~Plato
  14. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by inferiors. ~Plato
  15. There are three classes of men; lovers of wisdom, lovers of honour, and lovers of gain. ~Plato

Further Reading:

If this post whetted your appetite to learn more about Plato’s philosophy then why not add Plato Complete Works by Plato, with translation by Benjamin Jowett, to your personal library.

This is available on Amazon and you can check it out if you CLICK HERE.

DISCLOSURE: Before you go on, please be aware that there are Amazon affiliate links in this post. This means that should you make a purchase via one of these links then I will receive a small commission from Amazon. There will be no extra charge to you as the purchaser. These commissions serve only to pay for the upkeep of this website. Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you.

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15 Quotes by Confucius

Quotes by ConfuciusConfucius was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician and philosopher, believed to have been born around 551BC.

Though we cannot truly be sure if he genuinely existed at all, it’s as a philosopher that he’s best remembered.

His words of wisdom continue to enlighten us and quotes by Confucius read like a guide to life.

So today I offer you 15 quotes by Confucius to help you shed a little light on the otherwise dark world in which we live.

Read Confucius over and over and in time you will be enlightened.

So let these quotes by Confucius be your guide.

Quotes by Confucius:

  1. Life is really simple but we insist on making it complicated.
  2. Respect yourself and others will respect you.
  3. A superior man is modest in speech but exceeds in actions.
  4. When anger rises, think of the consequences.
  5. Silence is a true friend who never betrays.
  6. Wherever you’re going, go with all your heart.
  7. Forget injuries but never forget kindnesses.
  8. Have no friends that are not your equal.
  9. Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.
  10. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance.
  11. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.
  12. It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.
  13. Study the past if you are to define the future.
  14. He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good.
  15. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential, these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.

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This is the key to success in one lesson

Key to SuccessDear reader, would you like to know the key to success? It’s simple really.

Success starts with making a decision. You decide what you want to achieve; then you decide that you will go out and get it. Once your decision has been made you pursue your objective with determination and tenacity and you don’t allow anyone or anything stop you.

In 1960 the US President John Kennedy made a speech in which he said that by the end of that decade the United States would put a man on the moon. And in 1969 the United States fulfilled that promise made by Kennedy.

Now Kennedy didn’t know how they would achieve the goal he articulated in 1960.

However he believed in their ability to do it; he believed they could develop the technology to do it; and he made a decision that they would do it; but ultimately in making his promise there was an element of risk.

There is risk in everything we do and nothing exceptional will ever be achieved without some degree of risk along the way.

Lesser men and women may allow fear to stop them. However men and women destined for great things will feel the fear and they’ll do it anyway.

Greatness cannot be achieved without paying your dues along the way. That is a fact.

Anything worth having will come with a price tag, namely blood, sweat and tears. So be bold, be strong and pursue your dream with passion.

Yes it will be challenging mentally and emotionally. And yes, plenty of people will tell you that it’s not possible or that you’re not quite good enough.

Well don’t listen to the naysayers and negative Nellies.

If you really want it, whatever it is, just keep pushing and never, ever give up until you get to where it is you want to be.

Greatness can be achieved by anyone with sufficient determination.

So whatever it is you really want to do, just go out there and do the damn thing. Do it now. Believe you can and you will.

If you’re still not convinced then take a look at this video which I think is a really fantastic motivational speech.

Watch it now and I promise you, you won’t be disappointed. And the bottom line is; you’ve got to be fearless.

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21 thought-provoking quotes by the most influential women

The late, former British Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher once said, If you want something said, ask a man but if you want something done, ask a women.”

Certainly if you want anything done then it’s probably better if you ask a woman. In my experience, they’ll do a good job for you and they’ll do it when they say they’ll do it.

However women are perfectly capable of saying something profound too.

To prove the point, here are 21 quotes by women.

Quotes by Women:

  1. I was smart enough to go through any door that opened. ~Joan Rivers
  2. You can’t give up! If you give up, you’re like everybody else. ~Chris Evert
  3. I choose to make the rest of my life the best of my life ~Louise Hay
  4. In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. ~Coco Chanel
  5. One cannot accomplish anything without fanaticism. ~Eva Perón
  6. Done is better than perfect. ~Sheryl Sandberg
  7. If you don’t risk anything, you risk even more. ~Erica Jong
  8. The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. ~Peggy O’Mara
  9. If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one. ~Dolly Parton
  10. Knowing what must be done does away with fear. ~Rosa Parks
  11. Power’s not given to you. You have to take it. ~Beyoncé
  12. A surplus of effort could overcome a deficit of confidence. ~Sonia Sotomayor
  13. You can’t please everyone, and you can’t make everyone like you. ~Katie Couric
  14. You are the one that possesses the keys to your being. You carry the passport to your own happiness. ~Diane von Furstenberg
  15. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. ~Golda Meir
  16. The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. ~Amelia Earhart
  17. The difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves. ~Barbara Corcoran
  18. I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done. ~Lucille Ball
  19. If you think taking care of yourself is selfish, change your mind. If you don’t, you’re simply ducking your responsibilities. ~Ann Richards
  20. One of the secrets to staying young is to always do things you don’t know how to do, to keep learning. ~Ruth Reichl
  21. Step out of the history that is holding you back. Step into the new story you are willing to create. ~Oprah Winfrey

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15 Quotes by Albert Einstein

Quotes by Albert EinsteinAlbert Einstein was a German-born theoretical physicist, probably best known for the theory of relativity, amongst other things.

Certainly his work had a major influence on the philosophy of science.

However he was also widely respected as a great thinker and many of the quotes attributed to him offer us much for the development of our own personal philosophy.

Here are 15 Quotes by Albert Einstein to prove the point:-

Quotes by Albert Einstein:

  1. Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. ~Albert Einstein
  2. Everyone should be respected as an individual but no one should be idolized. ~Albert Einstein
  3. Strive not to be a success but rather to be of value. ~Albert Einstein
  4. Information is not knowledge. ~Albert Einstein
  5. The only source of knowledge is experience. ~Albert Einstein
  6. If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. ~Albert Einstein
  7. Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. ~Albert Einstein
  8. Learn from yesterday, live for today and hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. ~Albert Einstein
  9. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. ~Albert Einstein
  10. It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. ~Albert Einstein
  11. The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil but because of the people who don’t do anything about it. ~Albert Einstein
  12. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former. ~Albert Einstein
  13. It’s not that I’m so smart: it’s just that I stay with problems longer. ~Albert Einstein
  14. You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I’ve only ever had one. ~Albert Einstein
  15. Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing. ~Albert Einstein

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15 Quotes by Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens is remembered by us all as Mark Twain, his pen name.

He was one of the greatest American writer’s as well as being a humourist, entrepreneur, publisher and lecturer.

In short he was a major talent and much of what he had to say is worthy of our attention.

So here are 15 quotes by Mark Twain to emphasise my point.

Quotes by Mark Twain:

  1. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain
  2. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. ~Mark Twain
  3. Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~Mark Twain
  4. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ~Mark Twain
  5. A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. ~Mark Twain
  6. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Mark Twain
  7. Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain
  8. Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others. ~Mark Twain
  9. Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. ~Mark Twain
  10. Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. ~Mark Twain
  11. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~Mark Twain
  12. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
  13. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain
  14. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. ~Mark Twain
  15. I never let schooling interfere with my education. ~Mark Twain

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3 humorous stories guaranteed to make you laugh

Humorous StoriesFly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?

Well his mother was a little perturbed by this question and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny why don’t you ask the flight attendant?

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?

The flight attendant had heard it all before of course but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes mam, she did.”

Well“, said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.

Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly Jim noticed that there was a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

Sir I’m so sorry for the inconvenience but the city’s Mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

He says he’s deep in debt and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

And how much have you collected so far?” Jim enquired.

Well sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.

Humorous StoriesBubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

In order to identity the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over please sir?

So the medical examiner rolled the body and Jim-Bob responded immediately saying, “No sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

Yes sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over please sir?

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

The medical examiner was mystified by this turn of events. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?

Well sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

Yes sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.

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