How much should I be paid?

How much should I be paidDear reader, have you ever asked yourself the question, “How much should I be paid?” Probably, I would guess. Most people do at some point. Certainly, it’s a question I’ve asked myself many times.

We live in challenging economic times, so we’re all keen to ensure that we earn as much as we can. The question is, how much?

What is work?

In the modern age, people tend to think in terms of their careers, and many lose sight of what work is all about.

A career is just a natural progression of jobs within a given profession or industry through which we develop our skills and experience over time. Each of those jobs represents work.

In simple terms, work is just doing something for someone in return for money. Essentially, we provide a service or solve a problem, and an employer is our customer.

So, we’re paid to deliver results for the employer. With the emphasis being on delivery.

How much should I be paid?

The financial reward you get for the work you do is based on two things: –

  1. The value you can add; and
  2. The laws of supply and demand (also known as the market rate).

The value you can add is directly proportional to the skills you have and your knowledge and experience of the profession or industry in which you are seeking to work.

The supply and demand for your skills and experience within the job market will dictate how much an employer will be prepared to pay.

Why don’t businesses pay people more?

Essentially labour is a commodity. By definition, a commodity is something that can only be differentiated in terms of price.

None of us will pay more for a commodity than necessary.

For example, say, you want to buy a loaf of bread and in one store it costs $1 and, in another store, the same loaf costs $1.50. Which store will you buy from? The $1 store, obviously, because that’s what any rational person would do. Why would anyone pay more than they must?

Well, businesses think in the same way.

Businesses exist to make a profit. Profit is sales income less costs and, almost always, the biggest cost for any business is the cost of labour.

So, businesses will not pay any more than they must for people. Why would anyone expect it to be otherwise?

An employer doesn’t care about what you think you’re worth.

Your worth to the business will be judged solely on the potential value you can add and the availability and demand for your skills and experience.

How do I measure the value I add?

Essentially value is another way of saying your skills and experience, dear reader.

Alternatively, for an entry-level job, your value would be your potential.

If an employer is seeking a junior staff member for training, then your aptitude and qualifications would be a proxy for the value you could potentially add once your training has been completed.

I think I’m worth more:

If you think you’re being paid less than you deserve, then you have two options: –

  1. Go to your boss and request a raise; or
  2. Test the (job) market.

Either way, you need to do your homework first.

  1. Request a raise:

Before speaking to your boss about a raise, do some basic research on pay rates for similar jobs to yours with a requirement for the same skills and experience that you offer.

Also, identify at least three significant things that you do in your current role that make a real difference to the company. Ideally, these should be things only you can do.

Think also about how you might be able to do those things you do best more efficiently to improve your productivity.

Once you have all this information, you’re ready to justify why you think you deserve more.

  1. Test the market:

Even if you’re otherwise happy with your current employer, it can be worth putting yourself about a bit in the job market, to see what other companies would be willing to pay you.

Apply for some other jobs and see what companies are willing to pay you.

And remember; most companies know that they’ll have to offer an uplift of at least 20% on your current salary to persuade you to take the risk of leaving your current employer, certainly if you’re highly skilled.

Once you have a suitable offer, you’ve then got two choices.

Either you accept the offer and move to the new employer, or you take that offer to your current employer and see whether they’re willing to match it.

I have done this more than once and it does work.

Given the cost to the employer of losing a highly valued member of the team, most employers will match an offer rather than lose you.

And if they’re actually willing to let you leave, then they didn’t value you and therefore you might as well go.

How do I earn more?

Another way to think about this is, how do you make yourself more valuable?

And you should be building your value, constantly.

If you want to earn more then learn more.

Work hard on building your experience too. Be willing and ready to accept new challenges, however daunting, for rough seas make skilled sailors.

Become the ‘go-to’ person for some activity that is perceived as valuable to the business.

Your focus should be on ‘what you’re becoming’ rather than any short-term gain and eventually, you have a good chance of becoming very valuable.

Think about it this way. Whatever you’re doing, you’re just there to serve customers and solve problems for them

There will always be customers for goods and services, some not even invented yet. Goods and services are another way of saying problems customers have which need a solution and you’re the provider of that solution.

The greater the skills and experience required to solve those problems the more you will earn, assuming you have those skills and experience.

How much should I be paidKnow the market rate:

Every business keeps a close eye on the market rates for given skills and experience. They do this to ensure that they’re not overpaying.

You should keep a close eye on market rates too, to ensure that you’re not being underpaid for what you’re doing.

In short, you must be very disciplined and business-like in your approach to work and selling your skills.

Think of yourself as a small business providing goods and services to your boss, your colleagues, and the customers of the company for which you work.

Conclusion:

You won’t get paid more than you’re worth.

However, if you increase your value by learning more, constantly, and building your skills and experience then you can earn more.

Choose a highly skilled discipline with high demand and an undersupply of potential candidates and you can earn a lot of money.

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21 thought-provoking quotes about sex

Quotes About SexFew subjects can be more controversial than sex, wouldn’t you agree dear reader?

Increasingly less so nowadays possibly, but even today sex is guaranteed to attract peoples’ attention and get them talking.

And everyone has a different opinion as to what is right and wrong when it comes to the subject of sex.

Let’s not forget that sex is a useful marketing tool for anyone seeking to sell almost anything. As the old business saying goes, “Sex sells!”

The truth is we’re all fascinated by sex and we’re driven by a need for sex. The instinct for procreation is within us all.

Men and women may look at sex differently but Nature has programmed us all with the urge to procreate.

We all have needs in that direction. Men just need the opportunity to be ready for sex, whilst women above all need to feel secure.

Nevertheless, given favourable circumstances, both men and women are capable of enjoying sex. This is reasonable given that it is, after all, quite natural, isn’t it?

However, the obvious question for me is, “Can there be anything more absurd than two people uncontrollably engaged in the act of sex?” It’s as if God has played a joke on us all. What do you think?

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about sex to help you form an opinion if you haven’t got one already.

Quotes about sex (1-11):

  1. Sex is emotion in motion. ~Mae West
  2. Sex is God’s joke on human beings. ~Bette Davis
  3. I would rather have a cup of tea than sex. ~Boy George
  4. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~Billy Crystal
  5. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good. ~Woody Allen
  6. Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets. ~Andy Warhol
  7. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~Brendan Behan
  8. Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. ~Oscar Wilde
  9. 30 Gardening Quotes
  10. Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions. ~Deepak Chopra
  11. Everything is about sex and that’s fine for me. I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I don’t think it should be everywhere, where kids are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there’s just no innocence left. ~Ellen DeGeneres
  12. There is more to sex appeal than just measurements. I don’t need a bedroom to prove my womanliness. I can convey just as much sex appeal picking apples off a tree or standing in the rain. ~Audrey Hepburn 

Quotes about sex (12-21):

  1. Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. ~Robert A. Heinlein
  2. Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature. ~Marilyn Monroe
  3. An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex. ~Aldous Huxley
  4. I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ~Erma Bombeck
  5. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. ~Joan Rivers
  6. Sex appeal is fifty per cent what you’ve got and fifty per cent what people think you’ve got. ~Sophia Loren
  7. To me, it’s not the end of the world if I end up not being with someone. I love romance. I love sex. I love men’s company, but I don’t feel I have to be married. Men are a wonderful part of life, like chocolate. But my life goes on whether they’re there or not. ~Jerry Hall
  8. In my day we didn’t have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television. ~Victoria Wood
  9. I don’t know what sex appeal is. I don’t think you can have sex appeal knowingly. The people who seduce me personally are the people who seem not to know they’re seductive, and not to know they have sex appeal. ~Omar Sharif
  10. AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide or murder. ~Susan Sontag

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15 exceptional quotes to get you thinking

Exceptional QuotesToday I have some of what I consider to be exceptional quotes just for you, dear reader. These are quotes that I’m confident will make you think.

Quotes are always inspiring and thought-provoking, so take a few moments to appreciate them all.

And please pass them on.

Exceptional Quotes:

  1. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins. ~Benjamin Franklin
  2. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. So remember: great achievements take time, there is no overnight success. ~Leo Tolstoy
  3. If you are going to succeed then you have to do what you do exceptionally well. In other words, better than everyone else. ~Roy Sutton
  4. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. ~Albert Einstein
  5. The bad news is that time flies. The good news is that you are the pilot. ~Michael Althsuler
  6. You would not worry over what people think about you, did you but realise how rarely they do. ~Augustine Teasdale
  7. What will matter in the end is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave; not what you learned but what you taught. What will matter is not your competence but your character. ~Michael Josephson
  8. You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. ~R. Tagore
  9. You are afraid to die, and you’re afraid to live. What a way to exist. ~Neale Donald Walsch
  10. The capacity to care is what gives life its most deepest significance. ~Pablo Casals
  11. Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work. ~William Arthur Ward
  12. When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too. ~Paulo Coelho
  13. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ~Thomas Edison
  14. We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ~Albert Einstein
  15. Knowing what you want will make you happy. But knowing what you are good at will make you successful. ~Rob Yeung

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21 Quotes about goals in life to inspire you

Quotes about Goals in LifeIf you’re looking for some quotes about goals in life to inspire you then look no further, dear reader. There are some great quotes here today.

Having goals matters.

If you don’t have something at which to aim, then you’re sure to miss every time.

So, decide what it is that you really want to achieve; decide what actions you’ll need to take to achieve it, and then set some challenging goals.

Work towards specific goals and you’ll go from being ordinary to being extraordinary.

So set some goals now, but not before you’ve been inspired by all these great quotes that I’ve curated for you today. Enjoy them all.

Quotes about goals in life (1-15):

  1. If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time. ~Zig Ziglar
  2. Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there. ~Bo Jackson
  3. Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. ~Lao Tzu
  4. You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. ~CS Lewis
  5. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. ~Les Brown
  6. Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. ~Tony Robbins
  7. One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals. ~Michael Korda
  8. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. ~Henry Ford
  9. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll probably end up somewhere else. ~Lawrence J. Peter
  10. I don’t focus on what I’m up against. I focus on my goals and I try to ignore the rest. ~Venus Williams
  11. A goal is not always meant to be reached; it often serves simply as something to aim at. ~Bruce Lee
  12. The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. ~Bill Copeland
  13. You must take action now that will move you towards your goals. Develop a sense of urgency in your life. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
  14. If you’re bored with life – you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals. ~Lou Holtz
  15. The great danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short, but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark. ~Michelangelo

Quotes about goals in life (16-21):

  1. The game has its ups and downs, but you can never lose focus of your individual goals and you can’t let yourself be beaten because of a lack of effort. ~Michael Jordan
  2. Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don’t quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don’t quit until you reach it. Never quit. ~Bear Bryant
  3. Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success. ~Pablo Picasso
  4. When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. Confucius Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  5. Everyone has a purpose in life and a unique talent to give to others. And when we blend this unique talent with service to others, we experience the ecstasy and exultation of our own spirit, which is the ultimate goal of all goals. ~Kallam Anji Reddy
  6. Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps, they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. ~Jack Canfield

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How to build wealth from nothing: 5 Top Tips

How to build wealth from nothing 2There’s nothing you can do about being born poor. If that was the case, then it was just unfortunate. However, you don’t have to go through life poor.

It is possible to build wealth over time and plenty of people do, frequently from absolutely nothing.

Many people born poor become very wealthy through their own efforts and you can too dear reader.

Here are five tips to help you build wealth from nothing.

How to build wealth from nothing:

1. Pay yourself first:

You can make money relatively easily, but holding on to it can be very, very hard.

We’re all constantly bombarded with reasons why we should spend our money in return for some fleeting sense of gratification. Would that be an experience you recognise dear reader?

It doesn’t have to be that way of course and rich people know that only too well.

So what do rich people do that’s different to everyone else?

Simple! They always pay themselves first.

And what do I mean by paying yourself first?

I mean the moment you’re paid, you take a slice off the top of your income immediately and you put it away somewhere safe. And by a slice I mean to say 10%, or more if you can afford it.

And what do I mean by somewhere safe?

Well, initially that would be depositing your money in an interest-bearing account.

However, once your money starts building into a larger sum then you can start thinking about other forms of investment that’ll give you greater returns potentially. Stocks and bonds for instance.

Building a capital sum is important because as your money grows it starts to generate a second income stream for you. That may not seem important to you now but it will be as you get older.

So paying yourself first is a discipline to which you must adhere until it becomes a habit you do without thinking.

You must always put some money away and you must make that money work hard for you. You must grow and protect your investment portfolio with careful diversification and over time you’ll find yourself building a sizeable fortune.

So here’s today’s mantra for you: Pay Yourself First. Never forget that please dear reader.

2. Be an investor, not a speculator:

You must understand that there’s a big difference between investing and speculation. They’re not the same thing at all.

I don’t wish to imply that there’s something wrong with speculation though. There isn’t.

In the world of finance, speculation brings liquidity to the market and therefore it does have its place.

However, speculation tends to operate on the ‘greater fool’ principle.

By that, I mean someone is prepared to buy an asset for a given price in the hope that it can then be sold quickly to someone else, the greater fool, for a greater price.

This is what professional speculators do and they can make money this way because they know what they’re doing and they have sophisticated systems to support them.

However, for ordinary people speculation is like gambling in a casino. And you should never invest your money as though you’re gambling in a casino.

You might get lucky occasionally of course but over time your losses will outstrip any gains you might make, and almost certainly by a significant margin.

So my recommendation to you dear reader is you should never speculate. Instead, you should focus on becoming an investor.

By investing I mean buying stocks and shares in solid, well-managed, cash-generative businesses which have the ability to pay good dividends on a sustained basis.

Buy stocks worth holding for the long term. This will provide you with a steady income stream from the dividends regardless of any short to medium-term volatility in the market. And spread your risk by building a diversified portfolio.

If you reinvest your dividends then over time you will find that this approach should give you a good return on your money.

If you want to make money and build capital, then my advice to you dear reader is to be an investor, not a speculator.

3. Focus on value not price:

The legendary investor Warren Buffett once said, “Price is what you pay; value is what you get.

With this observation, he’s making a very important point. There’s a distinction between price and value.

A low price for an asset doesn’t necessarily mean you’d be getting good value.

And a high price doesn’t automatically mean you would not be getting value.

Price in itself is not a measure of value. You must consider other factors to judge value.

When you’re buying any financial asset, says stocks and shares, you should always focus on value and you must establish metrics by which you can adequately judge the intrinsic value within that asset.

Judged in isolation, price is just a number, nothing more.

A lower price means absolutely nothing if you’re getting little or no value in return for your money.

Never, ever forget that it’s the intrinsic value that will determine whether something is really worth buying or not.

Get genuine value at the right price and then you can get a decent return over time from an investment.

4. Create a personal private income:

How to Build Wealth from NothingMuch as we all aspire to do work we love, you must never forget dear reader that ultimately work is simply a means to an end.

Essentially work is just doing stuff for other people in exchange for money. In turn, that money is then the fuel on which we run our lives.

Money provides us with the means to put bread on the table, a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs and those of our loved ones of course.

If you work hard enough you can earn a lot of money.

Manage that money wisely and you can build capital. Invest that capital intelligently and you can create your own personal private income streams.

When you have a decent private income in your own right then you can truly pick and choose the work you do.

Then you only have to do what you enjoy doing; that thing that gives you a genuine sense of purpose.

Creating a personal private income is a worthy goal and it’s well worth the effort.

That way you’re in control of your own life and no one else can dictate what you should and shouldn’t do.

You’ll be in control of the good ship ‘Me’ and only you then decide where it goes.

The message here is, to work hard now, so one day you don’t have to work hard.

5. Never forget what matters most:

It would be very easy to believe that a life filled with lots of money and materiality will make you blissfully happy. Well let me tell you, dear reader, in isolation, it won’t.

I’m not suggesting that these things are not important but you must get your priorities right.

Yes, of course, go out there and make money. Manage it carefully. Buy nice things and enjoy some of that money too.

However, to be truly happy you must never lose sight of the most important thing in your life and that is family and friends.

People are social animals; we’re not solitary animals like cats. We need other people and most of all we need our loved ones. A life filled with loved ones and laughter will be a happy life.

So make time for your loved ones, especially your children. Enjoy their company and make the most of every minute with them.

Never focus on work to the exclusion of your family and friends. Without them you have nothing. Money is important of course but people are much more important.

Never lose sight of the people in your life.

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25 contenders for the best one-liners of all time

best one-liners of all timeDo you enjoy a witty one-liner, dear reader? Well, I’ve been searching for some of the contenders for the best one-liners of all time.

Today I’ve put together a batch of 25 which I hope you’ll enjoy.

They all made me smile and I hope they’ll make you smile too.

So take a moment to enjoy them and then please pass them on.

Best one-liners of all time (1-15):

  1. I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see.
  2. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
  3. Becoming a vegan is a big missed steak.
  4. My boss said, have a good day. So I went home.
  5. A clean desk is a sure sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  6. For maximum attention, nothing beats saying something stupid.
  7. I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.
  8. Why is it that everyone seems normal until you get to know them?
  9. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
  10. The importance of teamwork is there’s always someone else to blame.
  11. We must support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
  12. One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.
  13. Why do we refer to the day we do all our household chores as a day off?
  14. The other man’s grass may be greener but at least you don’t have to mow it.
  15. If we’re not supposed to eat at night, why’s there a light in the refrigerator?

Best one-liners of all time (16-25):

  1. Wise people learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us are the others.
  2. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realising that the other person’s an idiot.
  3. An optimist believes that the world couldn’t be better. A pessimist is afraid that might be true.
  4. It’s funny when someone says we need to talk, and what they really mean is you need to listen.
  5. Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men actually spend thinking.
  6. Living in the 21st century is a bizarre experience. Our priority now is deleting history rather than making it.
  7. Life’s all about perspective. For instance, the sinking of the Titanic seemed like a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.
  8. We all live by the 50-50-90 rule. Anytime we have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability that we’ll get it wrong.
  9. My boss asked whether it was me or him that was stupid. I responded diplomatically that everyone knows that he has a reputation for never hiring stupid people.
  10. Before I criticize anyone, I always walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when I’ve criticized them, I’m a mile away and they can’t chase me because I’ve got their shoes.

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Amusing QuotesSo dear reader, are the witticisms on offer today some contenders for the best one-liners of all time?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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7 quotes about technology and why we must control it

quotes about technologyI must say, I love gadgets and I’m a big fan of technology generally.

However, if we’re not careful, technology intended to make our lives easier and more efficient can have the opposite effect.

Dear reader, how often are you about to do something but you then think, “Oh, before I do that I’ll just check Facebook?

Half an hour later and you’ve forgotten what it was you were about to do in the first place. Now be honest, can you relate to that experience?

Harness technology by all means and use all the benefits it offers.

However, we shouldn’t let it control our lives. We shouldn’t allow it to be a substitute for real-life either.

And of course, the use of technology can never replace intelligent thought.

Technology can help us achieve our aims but it can also prevent us from achieving our aims too if we’re not careful. So my underlying message to you today dear reader is, to enjoy technology in all its forms but stay in control.

Here are seven quotes about technology and why we must control it.

Quotes about technology:

  1. The number one benefit of information technology is that it empowers people to do what they want to do. It lets people be creative. It lets people be productive. It lets people learn things they didn’t think they could learn before and so in a sense, it is all about potential. ~Steve Ballmer
  2. Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, allowing us to do things more quickly and efficiently but too often it seems to make things harder, leaving us with fifty-button remote controls, digital cameras with hundreds of mysterious features and book-length manuals, and cars with dashboard systems worthy of the space shuttle. ~James Surowiecki
  3. Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. ~Bill Gates
  4. The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. ~Bill Gates
  5. The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men [and women] do. ~BF Skinner
  6. Technology can be our best friend, and technology can also be the biggest party pooper of our lives. It interrupts our own story, interrupts our ability to have a thought or a daydream, to imagine something wonderful, because we’re too busy bridging the walk from the cafeteria back to the office on the cell phone. ~Steven Spielberg
  7. Technology is so much fun but we can drown in our technology. The fog of information can drive out knowledge. ~Daniel J Boorstin

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25 amusing quotes about getting old to tickle you

Amusing Quotes About Getting OldThere are worse things than getting old. Not getting old being just one of them. Nevertheless being old is a tough gig. Like an old car, everything starts to wear out and it all seems to happen at once. That’s life unfortunately and we just have to get used to it.

The trick is to remain ‘stupid and cheerful‘ and that way you’ll experience less stress. You can try ‘smart and angry‘ if you prefer but I think you’ll find it doesn’t help improve anything.

One great way to remain cheerful is to read something amusing each day.

So today I offer you 25 amusing quotes about getting old to make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

If you’re old I’m sure some of them will resonate with you. If you’re not old then enjoy your youth whilst you can. The years will pass in the blink of an eye.

Whatever your age; you’ll never have today again, so you might as well enjoy it.

Amusing quotes about getting old:

  1. Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. ~Joan Rivers
  2. Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
  3. No man is ever old enough to know better. ~Holbrook Jackson
  4. Time may be a great healer but it’s a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
  5. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. ~George Burns
  6. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore
  7. You’re only young once but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
  8. Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
  9. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
  10. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown
  11. Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~George Burns
  12. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ~Claude Pepper
  13. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ~Bob Hope
  14. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money upfront. ~George Burns
  15. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal
  16. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~Kurt Vonnegut
  17. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer
  18. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen
  19. As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. ~Sir Norman Wisdom
  20. I don’t do alcohol anymore. I can get the same effect just standing up fast. ~Author Unknown
  21. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
  22. Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. ~Joan Rivers 
  23. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
  24. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen
  25. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Author Unknown

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11 funny quotes about money to make you smile

funny quotes about moneyMoney, that’s what I want! And so does everyone else.

It’s a modern obsession. We like to think that it doesn’t matter but it does of course. In the modern world, we cannot get far without at least some of it.

We all talk about money and we’re constantly chasing value for money. This is natural of course because our lifestyle, such as it is, depends on the money we have and the money we earn.

However, there’s a slightly absurd and amusing side to it all too. So I thought I’d search out some quotes to explore the funny side of money.

Here are 11 funny quotes about money that made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too.

Funny quotes about money:

  1. A Nillionaire is someone with no money. ~Author Unknown
  2. Due to recent budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. ~Author Unknown
  3. Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale. ~Zig Ziglar
  4. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. ~Author Unknown
  5. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop. ~Author Unknown
  6. They say money talks and perhaps it does, but mine just says goodbye. ~Author Unknown
  7. Where does money go? Hokus, pokus and then I’m brokus. ~Author Unknown
  8. Always borrow money from a pessimist because they don’t expect to get it back. ~Oscar Wilde
  9. Money may not buy happiness but if you’re going to cry it’s better to do it in a Mercedes or BMW. ~Author Unknown
  10. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s in the sale. ~Author Unknown
  11. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ~Lana Turner

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31 funny puns that are very cheesy but very amusing

Funny PunsDo you like funny puns, dear reader? I hope so because I’ve put together a collection of 31 of them just for you.

Personally, I love funny puns and clever wordplay. Witty one-liners like this make me smile every time. Today’s collection is no exception.

I loved them all and I hope you will too. So take a moment, relax and enjoy them.

Funny Puns (1-20):

  1. Marriage proposals are so engaging.
  2. I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy. 
  3. What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
  4. The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.
  5. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? She was feline fine!
  6. What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
  7. Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  8. A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake. 
  9. I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side. 
  11. Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. 
  12. Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
  13. The invention of drones has given us a new perspective on things.
  14. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
  15. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
  16. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  17. A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
  18. The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
  19. I broke my finger at work today, but on the other hand, everything’s okay.
  20. Police were called to childcare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Funny Puns (21-31):

  1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  2. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
  3. I was fired from my job at the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
  4. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
  5. Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”
  6. If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
  7. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  8. I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
  9. My girlfriend really changed when she became a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
  10. My girlfriend says she’s been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in her head.
  11. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

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