Life Archives - Roy Sutton

15 Quotes by Penny Marshall

01/21/2020 by Roy Sutton

The late film director, producer and actress Penny Marshall was a great talent and I’m sure she’s missed by all who knew her well.

Penny Marshall rose to fame in the 1970s with her role in the hit US television sitcom Laverne & Shirley.

Playing the role of Laverne DeFazio, she was funny and she created a character that has proved to be one of the standout comedy characters from the golden age of situation comedy.

If you’re not familiar with Laverne & Shirley then you can purchase this sitcom on DVD from Amazon. Alternatively there are plenty of clips available on YouTube to give you an idea of how good it was back in the day.

You might also find this ABC News tribute to Penny Marshall well worth a couple of minutes of your time:-

In recent years there has been an improvement in the availability of opportunities for women, particularly in show-business. And that’s how it should be of course.

However we have to admire those strong and talented women from previous generations who managed to succeed at their chosen profession, despite a system that was rigged against them. And in Penny Marshall women had a great role model.

She managed to become a successful director of films, an area of entertainment which is still heavily dominated by men to this day.

She was clearly a very smart lady. So here are 15 quotes by Penny Marshall which reflect her personal philosophy.

Quotes by Penny Marshall:

I think everyone’s mother is slightly nuts. ~Penny Marshall
My family is well and that’s what’s important. ~Penny Marshall
I want you to laugh and cry. That’s what I do. ~Penny Marshall
I wasn’t like a girly girl. I was a tomboy. ~Penny Marshall
If you’re not having a good time, find something else that gives you some joy in life. ~Penny Marshall
I have a strange combination of fearlessness and massive insecurity. ~Penny Marshall
In my opinion, life’s more important than show business. ~Penny Marshall
When I’m working, I’m obsessively working. ~Penny Marshall
I do feel it’s important to entertain people. I try to. ~Penny Marshall
The truth is that I’m not a frump. I just enjoy being laid back. ~Penny Marshall
I would much rather feel comfortable and feel beautiful, than to feel uncomfortable, but look fantastic. ~Penny Marshall
Once I commit to something, I complete it. If I say ‘No,’ I mean ‘No.’ I just have to learn how to say ‘No’ more. ~Penny Marshall
I’ll try anything. What are they gonna do, kick me out of show business? ~Penny Marshall
Movie stars are insecure like everyone else. That’s why they go into acting! ~Penny Marshall
Look at YouTube, how many talented people there are. It’s a whole new world of how to express yourself. I don’t know how to work that world, but take advantage of it. ~Penny Marshall

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Penny Marshall interesting and inspirational dear reader?

You did? I hope so.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

So share them now. If you can do that for me I really would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

15 Quotes by Phyllis Diller

01/20/2020 by Roy Sutton

The late Phyllis Ada Driver or Phyllis Diller as she was better known was one of America’s greatest comic talents.

She was an actress and stand-up comedienne with an eccentric stage persona.

Self-deprecating humor was her stock in trade, together with wild hair, zany clothes and an exaggerated, cackling laugh.

Phyllis Diller was a very funny lady and one who is greatly missed by fans of good comedy everywhere.

So today I thought it might be quite interesting to explore some of her quotes and observations.

Quotes by Phyllis Diller:

Here are 15 quotes by Phyllis Diller which should make you smile.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! ~Phyllis Diller
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. ~Phyllis Diller
You know you’re old if they’ve discontinued your blood type. ~Phyllis Diller
I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’ ~Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in. ~Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day. ~Phyllis Diller
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea. ~Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. ~Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. ~Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ~Phyllis Diller
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him. ~Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit; so do it yourself. Work. Practice. ~Phyllis Diller
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, ‘I’ll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,’ never ends in a hug and a kiss. ~Phyllis Diller
This man I was going out with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas but he gave me a bowling ball. ~Phyllis Diller
To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won’t have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do. ~Phyllis Diller

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Phyllis Diller amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

21 witty one liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

01/19/2020 by Roy Sutton

Now do you fancy a bit of a laugh?

Would you like something to make you smile?

You’d love a laugh but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything too long?

Well fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

So today i offer you 21 witty one liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile and I’m confident that at least a few of them will brighten your day too.

If you enjoy a laugh which is concise and razor-sharp then this collection of witty one liners is just for you dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two and have a laugh right now. Please enjoy them all.

Witty One Liners:

I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.” ~Ian Smith
Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once’. ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought: ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be’. ~Paul McCaffrey
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting’. ~Paddy Lennox
Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him’. ~Carey Marx
What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, ‘Two or three’. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed ~Josie Long
I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed

01/18/2020 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Life can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day.

To help you with that I’ve been collecting more very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown‘.

However if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

So here they are, 21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

Please share these very corny jokes:

If you enjoyed these very corny jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

15 Quotes by George Orwell

01/17/2020 by Roy Sutton

George Orwell was the pen name of the late author Eric Arthur Blair.

As George Orwell he was and he still is widely respected as a novelist, essayist, journalist and critic.

In fact he was arguably one of the great thinkers of the twentieth century, certainly in the English-speaking world.

George Orwell’s best known novels Animal Farm and 1984 are still essential reading for anyone with aspirations of being well-read.

So here are 15 quotes by George Orwell that are I think guaranteed to make you think dear reader.

Quotes by George Orwell:

Big Brother is watching you. ~George Orwell
At fifty everyone has the face he deserves. ~George Orwell
No one can look back on his schooldays and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy. ~George Orwell
If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. ~George Orwell
In our age there is no such thing as keeping out of politics. All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia. ~George Orwell
Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ~George Orwell
Power is not a means, it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. ~George Orwell
Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. ~George Orwell
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. ~George Orwell
But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. ~George Orwell
So much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don’t even know that fire is hot. ~George Orwell
All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ~George Orwell
Society has always to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice. ~George Orwell
Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper. ~George Orwell
Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting. ~George Orwell

Check out George Orwell’s work:

Did you find these quotes interesting?

If you’re unfamiliar with George Orwell’s work you would do well to check it out. He is one of the greatest writers of all time in my opinion.

If you would like to explore the work of George Orwell further then both Animal Farm and 1984 are well worth reading, if you’ve not read them already.

Alternatively you can explore other books by George Orwell on the Amazon website HERE.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed the quotes by George Orwell but don’t want to go any further then please just share these quotes with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So share this post now. And if you can do that for me then I would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

5 truly inspirational quotes

01/16/2020 by Roy Sutton

We can all use a little inspiration occasionally, I’m sure you’ll agree dear reader. So here are what I beleive to be 5 truly inspirational quotes.

Truly Inspirational Quotes:

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid. ~Bernard Meltzer

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~Helen Keller

In a president, character is everything. A president doesn’t have to be brilliant. He doesn’t have to be clever; you can hire clever. You can hire pragmatic, and you can buy and bring in policy wonks. But you can’t buy courage and decency. You can’t rent a strong moral sense. A president must bring those things with him. He needs to have, in that much maligned word, but a good one nonetheless, a vision of the future he wishes to create. But a vision is worth little if a president doesn’t have the character – the courage and heart – to see it through. ~Peggy Noonan

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down. ~Mary Pickford

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them and every day begin the task anew. ~Saint Francis de Sales

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did you find it inspirational?

If you did like it then please share it with your friends on social media.

People love truly inspirational quotes, so please share this post now.

And let me say that if you could share it then I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

15 Quotes by Groucho Marx

01/15/2020 by Roy Sutton

Groucho Marx, born Julius Henry Marx, was an American comedian, writer, stage, film, radio and television star and part of the successful and immensely popular comedy act known as The Marx Brothers.

Groucho was known for his quick wit and he is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

With his siblings the Marx Brothers, Groucho Marx made 13 feature films but he also had a successful solo career in radio and television.

Here are 15 quotes by Groucho Marx which illustrate his quick wit.

Quotes by Groucho Marx:

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you’ve got it made. ~Groucho Marx
I intend to live forever, or die trying. ~Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. ~Groucho Marx
No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early. ~Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others. ~Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ~Groucho Marx
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. ~Groucho Marx
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. ~Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~Groucho Marx
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him. If he says, yes, you know he’s a crook. ~Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~Groucho Marx
Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me? ~Groucho Marx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? ~Groucho Marx

Marx Brothers Movies:

Younger readers may not have experienced the joy of the comedy from Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers. Whilst it may be from to another era, it’s still extremely funny and it is worth checking out if you get the opportunity.

Actually the work of Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers is still available on Amazon. So you can check it out HERE.

Please share this post:

Did you find these quotes by Groucho Marx as interesting and amusing as you’d hoped dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships

01/14/2020 by Roy Sutton

People; often we feel that we can’t live with them but we can’t live without them either.

While they can be frustrating we are social animals, so we need people and relationships.

The more we understand about relationships the more likely we’ll be in a position to form and sustain successful relationships.

Hence today’s blog post with 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships to help you ponder and improve your understanding of one of life’s trickier aspects.

Now some people struggle to form successful relationships, whilst others seem to enjoy perfect relationships all the time. Well don’t be fooled by appearances.

All relationships can be tricky because we all have this romantic notion about what the perfect relationship should look like. That notion may be romantic but it’s also inaccurate.

Perfect relationships don’t exist.

Consequently relationships take time, effort and compromise. We must work at them constantly to keep them healthy and beneficial.

Furthermore we must recognise that for a relationship to work it must be balanced. The dynamics within the relationship must be in equilibrium.

By that I mean that within any relationship both parties must feel their needs are being met.

Where the dynamic within a relationship favours one side or the other then this breeds resentment and frustration. That in turn results in friction and disharmony within the relationship, which can be damaging of course.

No one can have it all their own way all the time. Compromise is essential.

However compromise shouldn’t be to the point whereby you’re actively working against your own interests.

It would never make sense to do anything that works against our own interests. If we don’t look after our own interests, then no one else will.

So here are those 21 thought-provoking quotes about relationships, I hope you find them interesting dear reader.

Quotes about relationships:

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. ~Mae West
When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said. ~Catherine Gilbert Murdock
When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are. ~Donald Miller
The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too. ~Ernest Hemingway
For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first. ~Suzanne Collins
Cheating and lying aren’t struggles; they’re reasons to break up. ~Patti Callahan Henry
I suffer from girl-next-door-itis where the guy is friends with you and that’s it. ~Taylor Swift
I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me. ~Steve Maraboli
Relationships don’t always make sense, especially from the outside. ~Sarah Dessen
Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike. ~JK Rowling
It’s no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favourite films wouldn’t even speak to each other if they met at a party. ~Nick Hornby
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. ~CG Jung
There is greatness in doing something you hate for the sake of someone you love. ~Shmuley Boteach
Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys. ~Nicholas Sparks
I know enough to know that no woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother. ~Martha Gellhorn
People like to say love is unconditional, but it’s not, and even if it was unconditional, it’s still never free. There’s always an expectation attached. They always want something in return. Like they want you to be happy or whatever and that makes you automatically responsible for their happiness because they won’t be happy unless you are. I just don’t want that responsibility. ~Katja Millay
To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect. ~Criss Jami
Every couple have their ups and downs, every couple argues and that’s the thing; you’re a couple and couples can’t function without trust. ~Nicholas Sparks
If a girl starts out all casual with a guy and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a relationship, it will never become a relationship. If you give the guy the impression that casual is okay with you, then that’s all he’ll ever want. Be straight with him from the start. If he gets scared and runs away, he wasn’t right for you. ~Susane Colasanti
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. ~Bill Maher
What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else. ~Stephanie Klein

Please share this post:

Were these thought-provoking quotes about relationships interesting to you dear reader?

If they were then perhaps they might interest others you know too?

Please share them with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins. If you could share them now I would be ever so grateful.

Like every blogger, I can only keep doing what I do if there are readers viewing my blog posts. So you really can help me dear reader.

Thank you.

15 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

01/13/2020 by Roy Sutton 1 Comment

Here is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching to find the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and enjoy them all. I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoyed these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So please share this post with your friends on social media. You’ll be a hero or heroine and everyone will appreciate your thoughtfulness for sharing.

You can’t lose, so please share them now but not before you’ve enjoyed today’s smiles.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:-

Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears
Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
I used to work as an origami teacher but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with birdseed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van it’s called a shipment?
Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered “Call for backup.”
I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.”
Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.

Please share this post:

So did these funny one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

25 rib-tickling jokes that are laugh out loud funny

01/12/2020 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Here’s another batch of short but laugh our loud funny jokes for you dear reader. I hope they give you a few minutes of pleasure to brighten your day.

Today’s laugh out loud funny jokes:

If I’m nobody;
And nobody’s perfect;
Then I must be perfect.

Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

How do you befriend a squirrel?
Act like a nut.

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks.

What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
A chilly dog.

What do call you a row of bunnies moving backwards?
A receding hare line.

Why was the pediatrician always losing his temper?
Because he had little patients.

What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel it’s good enough?
Impasta syndrome.

Would you like to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried and gave me a big hug.

My wife was complaining that I never take her anywhere expensive.
So I said, “Come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station.”

They say 40 is the new 30
But try telling that to a traffic cop.

Relationships are like algebra.
You look at your X and wonder Y.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape!
BREATH!

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.

You could say it was an emotional wedding.
Even the cake was in tears.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

A guy assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
How dairy.

My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim’s improving.

I own a pencil once owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

People didn’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
So I decided to raise the bar.

The World Tongue-Twister Champion was up before the judge in court.
I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.

I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.

I hate insects puns.
They really bug me.

I’ve been trying to lose weight.
But it keeps finding me.

Please share this post:

So did these rib-tickling jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Quotes by Penny Marshall:

Please share this post with your friends:

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

Quotes by Phyllis Diller:

Please share this post with your friends:

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

Witty One Liners:

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

6. What did one hat say to the other?

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Please share these very corny jokes:

Other articles you’ll also find amusing:

Quotes by George Orwell:

Check out George Orwell’s work:

Please share this post with your friends:

Similar articles you may also enjoy:

Truly Inspirational Quotes:

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles you may also find interesting:

Quotes by Groucho Marx:

Marx Brothers Movies:

Please share this post:

Similar articles you may also enjoy:

Please share this post:

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:-

Please share this post:

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

Today’s laugh out loud funny jokes:

Please share this post:

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

Recent Posts

Archives