31 stupid quotes that make no sense that’ll make you think

04/09/2026 by

Now, do you like quotes, dear reader? I love them. Today, I thought it would be fun to take a look at some stupid quotes that make no sense.

There are times when people say some silly things; I’m sure you’ll agree. I’ve been known to say some silly things myself. However, though they may be silly, such things can be amusing too.

So here are 31 stupid quotes that make no sense but are more thought-provoking than they first appear to be. And some of them are definitely amusing.

So enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

STUPID QUOTES THAT MAKE NO SENSE
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Stupid quotes that make no sense (1-15):

  1. He’s about as sharp as a marble.
  2. Less is more. Surely that’s obvious?
  3. Not taking risks is life’s biggest gamble.
  4. We can’t keep calm. We’re all mad here.
  5. It’s always darkest before it’s pitch black.
  6. I’m pretty sure I’ve seized the wrong day.
  7. Only our parents’ children are always right.
  8. Life gives the test first and then the lesson.
  9. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can’t see
  10. Whether a man marries or not, he will regret it.
  11. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
  12. War doesn’t decide who’s right, only who’s left.
  13. I must be a squirrel because I attract all the nuts.
  14. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.
  15. I’m on the whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Stupid quotes that make no sense (16-31):

  1. Ignorance is temporary, but stupid is permanent.
  2. I adore spontaneity, as long as it’s carefully planned.
  3. A virgin birth, I can believe, but three wise men? Really?
  4. I’m not superstitious, but I can be a bit stitious at times.
  5. I tried being normal. It was the worst two minutes of my life.
  6. You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
  7. People tell me I might be schizophrenic, but I’m in two minds.
  8. I was going to take on the world today, but I overslept again.
  9. YARD SALE: Take a look around. Our crap could be your crap.
  10. Dress for the body you have, not the body you wish you had.
  11. Marriage means being committed. Then again, so does insanity.
  12. If you don’t want to be mistaken for a doormat, get off the floor.
  13. There would be many people alive today if there was a death penalty.
  14. Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
  15. My husband tells me that if I ever decide to leave, he’s coming with me.
  16. My mind is like someone emptied the kitchen junk drawer onto a trampoline.
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So, what did you think of these stupid quotes that make no sense?

If any of them made you think or made you smile, perhaps your friends and colleagues might enjoy this post too.

If so, please share it on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

Go on, share it now, and I’ll be ever so grateful.

You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

I appreciate your support, dear reader. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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21 thought-provoking one-liners you’ll love

04/08/2026 by

Today I’m exploring thought-provoking one-liners.

I love a good one-line quote.

They can be powerful and useful when you need to reinforce a point during a presentation or when you’re trying to make your case in a debate or argument.

Here are 21 great, thought-provoking one-liners, all of which made me think.

Enjoy them all.

Thought-provoking one-liners (1 – 10)

People may hear your words but they feel your attitude. ~John C. Maxwell

The only source of knowledge is experience. ~Albert Einstein

There is no substitute for hard work. ~Thomas A. Edison

To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. ~Aldous Huxley

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. ~George MacDonald

Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. ~W. Clement Stone

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~Thomas A. Edison

The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~Emma Goldman

Lost time is never found again. ~Benjamin Franklin

The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows. ~Aristotle Onassis

Thought-provoking one-liners (11 – 21)

You have to dream before your dreams can come true. ~APJ Abdul Kalam

Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live. ~Jim Rohn

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. ~Joseph Addison

Health is not valued till sickness comes. ~Thomas Fuller

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. ~Napoleon Bonaparte

My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. ~Dalai Lama

Fame is fickle food upon a shifting plate. ~Emily Dickinson

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. ~Bob Marley

Anybody who thinks money will make you happy hasn’t got money. ~David Geffen

Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. ~Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

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22 Funny Winston Churchill Quotes

04/07/2026 by

If you’re looking for some funny Winston Churchill quotes, then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader.

Today I’ve curated 22 little gems that might just make you smile.

Churchill was, of course, a British statesman and writer, a famous wartime leader, and twice Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. Above all, he was a man with a memorable turn of phrase, whatever the occasion.

Anyway, take a few moments to enjoy all of these excellent quotes.

And then, please feel free to pass them on.

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Funny Winston Churchill Quotes (1-11):

  1. I am easily satisfied with the very best.
  2. Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting.
  3. History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
  4. I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
  5. He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
  6. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
  7. Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
  8. We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
  9. A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.
  10. The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.
  11. Personally, I’m always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.
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Funny Winston Churchill Quotes (12-22):

  1. I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
  2. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
  3. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
  4. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
  5. From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.
  6. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  7. Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
  8. Show me a young Conservative and I’ll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I’ll show you someone with no brains.
  9. If you have an important point to make, don’t try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time—a tremendous whack.
  10. Everyone is in favour of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people’s idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.
  11. Lady Astor: “Winston, if I were your wife, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”
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You did? I hope so anyway.

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29 exclusive favourite quotes to inspire you

04/06/2026 by

Your favourite quotes can be such a source of inspiration, especially when we’re feeling a little down. When everything’s not quite going how we’d like, it’s helpful to reflect on the wisdom of successful people.

Successful people weren’t always successful. They started as ordinary people with a dream and a determination to follow that dream and take it as far as they could.

In getting to where they are, they’ll have met many obstacles along the way, and at times, they, too, will have felt a little down.

No one has it that easy. The only difference is that successful people keep going. They never give up.

Successful people make sure they have a source of inspiration for when they need it. They always have something to lift them when times get tough.

When feeling a little down, I love to reflect on inspirational quotes. I love them.

Here are 29 of my favourite quotes that inspire me when I need a lift.

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FAVOURITE QUOTES (1-10)

Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. ~Mark Twain

You are what you think about all day long. ~Dr Robert Schuller

Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein

Courage is like a muscle; it is strengthened by use. ~Ruth Gordon

I benefit from a change of scenery; it’s always inspiring. ~Kurt Vile

Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford

The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. ~Rod Steiger

Sometimes the best ideas will come in the least inspiring places. ~David Droga

Do not let what you cannot do; interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden

FAVOURITE QUOTES (11-20)

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~E. Cummings

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. ~Oscar Levant

For me, money is not my definition of success. Inspiring people is the definition of success. ~Kanye West

Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. ~Samuel Johnson

Do not be afraid to ask dumb questions; they are easier to handle than dumb mistakes. ~Author Unknown

You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus

The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living doing what they most enjoy. ~Malcolm Forbes

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs

That’s precisely the question everyone should be asking—why the hell not? Why not you, why not now? ~Timothy Ferriss

Use what talents you possess. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry Van Dyke

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FAVOURITE QUOTES (21-29)

Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton

The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour. ~Vince Lombardi

It’s very important to have the right clothing to exercise in. If you throw on an old T-shirt or sweats, it’s not inspiring for your workout. ~Cheryl Tiegs

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. ~Howard Thurman

Your destiny is to fulfil those things upon which you focus most intently. So choose to keep your focus on that which is truly magnificent, beautiful, uplifting and joyful. Your life is always moving toward something. ~Ralph Marston

An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity, and heaviness of the past you carry around. ~Debbie Ford

Although I am not Jewish, I have been to many Friday night Shabbats at my friends’ houses, and I absolutely love it. It’s a great and inspiring tradition to keep the family close. ~Yolanda Hadid

It’s always inspiring to me to meet people who feel that they can make a difference in the world. That’s their motive, that’s their passion. I think that’s what makes your life meaningful, that’s what fills your own heart and that’s what gives you purpose. ~Maria Shriver

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If you do, I’ll be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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15 Powerful Quotes by Dr Joy Browne to inspire you

04/05/2026 by

For anyone unfamiliar with her work, the late Dr Joy Browne was an American psychologist and talk show host who specialized in on-air advice counselling.

She hosted a nationally syndicated call-in radio talk show for several decades, providing advice to callers and words of wisdom to her listeners.

Her shows achieved worldwide reach via podcasts and the Internet.

She had a legion of loyal fans who were devastated when sadly she passed away suddenly in August 2016.

Here are 15 quotes by Dr Joy Browne to illustrate why I believe she was an inspiration.

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Quotes by Dr Joy Browne:

  1. Stupid and cheerful beats smart but angry. ~Dr Joy Browne
  2. Friendship is a relationship between equals. ~Dr Joy Browne
  3. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. ~Dr Joy Browne
  4. If you’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later then sooner is better than later. ~Dr Joy Browne
  5. Appearing to be reasonable is usually more important than being reasonable. ~Dr Joy Browne
  6. Being in a relationship that makes you unhappy is a bad idea. ~Dr Joy Browne
  7. You don’t need a reason to divorce someone you can’t stand. ~Dr Joy Browne
  8. The person who cares least about the relationship controls it. ~Dr Joy Browne
  9. Our feelings are not our responsibility but our behaviour is. ~Dr Joy Browne
  10. If we give up the notion that everybody’s life is perfect but ours, we would be a lot happier. Nobody’s life is perfect. ~Dr Joy Browne
  11. The role of parents is not to do for our children but to teach our children to do for themselves. ~Dr Joy Browne
  12. Good parenting helps our kids to walk away from us and not to depend on us. ~Dr Joy Browne
  13. Kids have to make their own mistakes because anything we tell them, even if it’s right isn’t as valuable as what they learn from doing something, even if it’s wrong. ~Dr Joy Browne
  14. If someone is being difficult, what you do is walk away because either they need some time to sort it out, and you can’t do it for them, or they don’t. If they don’t, well you might as well leave with your dignity intact. You can’t make someone love you, you really can’t. ~Dr Joy Browne
  15. The only behaviour we can ever control in this life, as much as we can control anything, is our own. Not anyone else’s. ~Dr Joy Browne
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Dr Joy Browne with a Caller:

I hope you were inspired by at least some of these quotes, dear reader, and perhaps you’d like to explore some of her work further. An example of her on-air counselling is included here as an embedded YouTube video. This is well worth your time.

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If this YouTube example appeals to you, you can still listen to her podcasts at TuneIn.com. Just click on this link and explore the possibilities.

However, if you enjoyed the quotes but wish to go no further, then please just share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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15 powerful quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger

04/04/2026 by

If you’re looking for quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger, I have some good ones for you today.

For readers unfamiliar with her work, Dr Laura Schlessinger is an American talk radio host, commentator, and author.

Her radio show consists mainly of her responses to callers’ requests for personal advice.

Her presentation style is a no-nonsense, tough-love approach, which means to some people she can be seen as a little controversial.

Certainly, she’s a social conservative; even her website says that her show preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values, and ethics.

Nevertheless, she has a loyal following; many people around the world listen to her via her podcasts and access her radio show via the Internet.

Here are 15 quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger, which I think accurately reflect her approach.

You can judge for yourself whether it’s an approach that would appeal to you, dear reader. However, I think these quotes are worth a few minutes of your time.

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QUOTES BY DR LAURA SCHLESSINGER

It doesn’t matter how we were raised. We become the person we choose to be.

There’s no battered woman alive who didn’t know in advance that the man was bad.

In the end analysis, all we have is who we are and the way we have lived our lives.

The people and circumstances around me do not make me what I am, they reveal who I am.

Because it’s possible to do and you have the right to do it, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.

Don’t worry so much about your self-esteem. Worry more about your character. Integrity is its own reward.

A woman should always be more concerned with standing up for what is right than making sure everyone likes her.

We as human beings should wish to be loved and embraced for our character, respected and relied on for our courage, and trusted for our conscience.

The ultimate quality of your life is not in your resumé but in the minds and hearts of those you mean something to because you gave yourself to them.

You’ve touched people and known it. You’ve touched people and you may never know it. Either way, you have something to give. It’s in giving to one another that each of our lives becomes meaningful.

People with integrity do what they say they’re going to do. Others have excuses.

There are so many responsible, nice, kind guys out there. Why marry a fixer-upper?

Men are very easy to get along with; they just want to come home to something pleasant.

Self-esteem must be earned! When you dare to dream, dare to follow that dream, dare to suffer through the pain, sacrifice, self-doubts, and friction from the world, you will genuinely impress yourself.

Postponing happiness until all your ducks are in order means never because life is not that clean, fair, or predictable. It isn’t what happens to you that defines your life; it’s what you do with it that does.

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Did you find these quotes by Dr Laura Schlessinger as interesting as you’d hoped, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you can do that for me, then I’d be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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75 Amusing quotes by unknown authors you’ll love

04/02/2026 by

Today, I am exploring amusing quotes by unknown authors.

I am a collector of quotes, and I’ve got thousands from the great names and thinkers of the past, as well as some from more recent times.

However, many quotes I stumble on are by unknown authors.

Nevertheless, if they are memorable or amusing, they are still worth circulating.

So, I’ve been going through my journals to curate some amusing quotes for you, dear reader.

Therefore, without further ado, here are 75 amusing quotes by unknown authors that I think will make you smile. Certainly, some of them will; I’m confident of that.

Enjoy them all and feel free to share them.

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Amusing Quotes by Unknown Authors

  1. Save water, drink wine.
  2. There is no ‘we’ in fries.
  3. I’m not fat; I’m just easy to see.
  4. I love my job; it’s the work I hate.
  5. My favourite sport is channel surfing.
  6. My job is secure. No one else wants it.
  7. A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
  8. My get-up-and-go has got up and gone.
  9. I am in shape. Round is a shape, isn’t it?
  10. I’m not a quitter. I’m just good at giving up.
  11. If life is a journey, I’m pretty sure I’m lost.
  12. The secret to a long life is to keep breathing.
  13. I don’t have bad handwriting; I have my own font.
  14. My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it.
  15. I followed my heart, and it led me to the kitchen.
  16. My superpower is forgetting why I walked into a room.
  17. I have the body of a god. Unfortunately, it’s Buddha.
  18. My life motto is ‘It could be worse, but I’m not sure how’.
  19. Laughter is the best medicine, unless you have diarrhoea.
  20. My hobbies include eating and complaining about getting fat.
  21. I’m just a girl, looking at a salad, asking it to be a donut.
  22. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
  23. My resume is just a list of things I never want to do again.
  24. I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.
  25. I don’t trip over things; I do random gravity checks.
  26. Yes, I love my job. It’s the people I can’t stand.
  27. I follow my heart, but it usually leads me to the fridge.
  28. I’m going to stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.
  29. The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
  30. Doing nothing is hard; you never know when you’re finished.
  31. If life is a movie, I feel like the character who dies in the first scene.
  32. Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
  33. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
  34. I arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
  35. The only marathon I run is on Netflix.
  36. My phone is my best friend. It knows all my secrets and never judges my selfies.
  37. If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll be happy to do it for you.
  38. Children: You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk, and the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
  39. A best friend is someone who knows exactly how crazy you are but is still willing to be seen with you in public.
  40. Siblings: the only people you can be annoyed with one minute and then laughing with the next.
  41. The more I know about people, the more I like my dog.
  42. I can eat cake because it’s always somebody’s birthday somewhere.
  43. Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree. That makes it a plant. So, chocolate is just salad.
  44. Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.
  45. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
  46. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  47. If you can’t be a good example, you can always be a terrible warning.
  48. I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.
  49. God must love stupid people. He made so many of them.
  50. My room isn’t messy; it’s an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.
  51. My brain: ‘You should go for a run.’ My legs: ‘Don’t listen to him, he’s crazy.’
  52. I’ve reached the age where getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot.
  53. Never laugh at your wife’s choices, because you’re one of them.
  54. I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do that?
  55. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off right now.
  56. I haven’t even started my to-do list, and I’m already exhausted.
  57. How come the reward for a job well done is more work?
  58. Nothing ruins a Friday like realising it’s only Tuesday.
  59. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
  60. If life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party.
  61. Social media is where we go to pretend our lives are perfect.
  62. The internet: where you go to waste time you don’t have, arguing with people you don’t know, about things that don’t matter.
  63. I’m so old, I can remember when ‘cloud’ was just something in the sky.
  64. My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships.
  65. I don’t need an inspirational quote; I need a vacation.
  66. My life is a constant battle between wanting to save money and wanting to buy things I don’t need.
  67. I don’t have a short temper; I just have a quick reaction to nonsense.
  68. My friends and I are the reason the phrase ‘don’t try this at home‘ exists.
  69. My ambition is to be the person who gets paid to test mattresses.
  70. The road to success is always under construction, and I’m the one stuck in traffic.
  71. If life is a stage, I’m the one who forgot his lines.
  72. The only thing I’m certain about is that I can’t be certain about anything at all.
  73. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you were stupid and made poor choices.
  74. In a crisis, the person smiling is the one who has found someone to blame.
  75. I’m not saying I’m Batman. I’m just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room together. Surely, that’s making you think.
Phil Sutton

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Did any of these amusing quotes by unknown authors tickle you, dear reader?

You did? I hope so.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share them now. If you can do that for me, I really would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

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27 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

04/01/2026 by

Now, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two, but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. You must make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today, I offer you 27 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day, too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp, then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you, dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two, and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

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Witty One-Liners (1-10):

  1. I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning, ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
  2. If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself. ~Ian Smith
  3. I wanted to be a baker, but I never rose to the challenge. ~Author Unknown
  4. I’m writing a book on reverse psychology. Please don’t read it. ~Author Unknown
  5. Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
  6. As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
  7. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
  8. I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
  9. I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
  10. I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe

Witty One-Liners (11-20):

  1. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
  2. I was trying to write a novel about puns, but it just turned out to be a play on words. ~Author Unknown
  3. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia, and she whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’ ~Author Unknown
  4. One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.’ ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
  5. My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So, I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
  6. If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
  7. People say I’ve got no willpower, but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
  8. I tried to write a pun about the wind, but it just blew away. ~Author Unknown
  9. My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought, ‘Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be?‘ ~Paul McCaffrey
  10. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel

Witty One-Liners (21-27):

  1. I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
  2. I used to be a baker, but I could never make enough dough. ~Author Unknown
  3. Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache, and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
  4. “What’s a couple?’ I asked my mom. She said, “Two or three.’ Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed. ~Josie Long
  5. I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
  6. Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
  7. Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski
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30 hilarious corny jokes guaranteed to make you smile

03/31/2026 by

Once again, I’ve been curating hilarious corny jokes to keep you amused, dear reader. So here’s another batch that I think might raise a smile or two.

They’re all officially classified as Author Unknown, but if you can identify any of these against an original author, then please do let me know. I am keen to add suitable credits and links to websites where appropriate.

So please advise accordingly, but not before you’ve enjoyed these 30 hilarious corny jokes.

HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
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Hilarious corny jokes (1-10):

  • What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs?
  • A condescending con descending.
  • I used to be a narcissist.
  • But just look at me now.
  • What did the ocean say to the island?
  • Nothing, it just waved.
  • A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
  • He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
  • What happens to illegally parked frogs?
  • They get toad.
  • Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me.
  • It means a lot.
  • What was a more important invention than the first telephone?
  • The second one.
  • Did you hear the one about the two radio antennas that got married?
  • The church service was just fine but the reception was awesome.
  • Why was the scarecrow given a promotion?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did the police officer say to his chest?
  • You’re under a vest.

Hilarious corny jokes (11-20):

  • Where does seaweed look for a job?
  • In the kelp-wanted ads.
  • Why did the soldiers smell of salt and pepper?
  • They were all seasoned troopers.
  • What is a vampire’s favourite type of boat?
  • A blood vessel.
  • What do you call a nervous celery stalk?
  • An edgy veggie.
  • What do you call baby foot soldiers?
  • Infantry.
  • What do you call a goat that lives on a mountain?
  • A hillbilly.
  • What do you call four Bullfighters in quicksand?
  • Cuatro Sinko.
  • What’s taken before you can get it?
  • Your photograph.
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them.
  • What can you put in a large wooden box to make it lighter?
  • Holes.

Hilarious corny jokes (21-30):

  • What is served in glasses and is hard to swallow?
  • A stiff drink.
  • Why did the farmer plough his field with a steamroller?
  • He was growing mashed potatoes.
  • Why did the baker stop making donuts?
  • He was sick of the hole business.
  • Where do hamburgers box?
  • In an onion ring.
  • What is the most unreliable vegetable?
  • A fickle onion.
  • What do you call an imaginary colour?
  • A pigment of your imagination.
  • What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
  • One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  • When does a joke become a Dad joke?
  • When it becomes fully groan.
  • My friend is a structural engineer.
  • He’s always complaining about stress at work.
  • Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician?
  • He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a Number 2 pencil.
HILARIOUS CORNY JOKES
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17 jokes that will make you laugh out loud

03/30/2026 by

We all need more opportunities to laugh out loud, so I’ve gathered some more jokes by trawling the Internet just for you, dear reader.

I cannot be sure who wrote them originally, but I’d be happy to credit the authors if anyone can identify them.

In the meantime, here are today’s 17 jokes that will make you laugh out loud. Indeed, they made me smile.

Laugh out loud (1-7):

  • What do you call someone wearing a belt with a watch attached to it?
  • A waist of time.
  • Did you hear about the guy who broke both his left arm and left leg?
  • He’s all right now.
  • Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
  • Because he had a great fall.
  • How can you get four suits for a dollar?
  • Buy a deck of cards.
  • Why didn’t the melons get married?
  • Because they cantaloupe.
  • What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  • Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
  • What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
  • Snowballs.
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Laugh out loud (8-17):

  • What did the bartender say to the drunk who walked into the bar with jumper cables around his neck?
  • You can stay but don’t try to start anything.
  • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
  • One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
  • Thieves stole a truck full of Viagra today.
  • The police are on the lookout for two hardened criminals.
  • I always sleep better naked.
  • Why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
  • A police officer asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
  • He seemed irritated when I said kindergarten.
  • What do you call a caveman with wind?
  • A blast from the past.
  • The waitress asked, “You wanna box for those leftovers?”
  • I said, “No, but I’ll arm wrestle you for them.” 
  • Thousands of eggs have been stolen from a local farm.
  • Police believe poachers are to blame.
  • I’ve taken up a new sport. It’s called silent tennis.
  • It is just like regular tennis, but without the racket.
  • I’m writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.
  • It’s an oughtobiography.

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If any of these jokes made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

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Phil Sutton

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