39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

09/07/2026 by

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully, one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

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Attitude quotes:

  1. I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
  2. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
  3. If I were a bird, I know who I’d sh*t on.
  4. Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
  5. What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
  6. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
  7. You look like something I drew with my left hand.
  8. If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  10. Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
  11. If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
  12. You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
  13. You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
  14. If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
  15. I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
  16. I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
  19. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
  20. You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
  21. I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
  22. WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
  23. I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
  24. I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
  25. Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
  26. They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
  27. I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
  28. When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
  29. I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
  30. Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
  31. Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
  32. There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
  33. Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
  34. It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
  35. If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
  36. I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
  37. There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
  38. When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
  39. Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

Bonus Attitude Quotes:

1. Bold and Confident Attitude Quotes:

  • I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
  • Confidence is not ‘they will like me.’ Confidence is ‘I’ll be fine if they don’t.’
  • My style is what I like, not what others expect.
  • I’m not special; I’m just limited edition.
  • Be savage, not average.

2. Positive and Empowering Attitude Quotes:

  • Your attitude determines your direction.
  • Stay humble, but let them know.
  • A great attitude becomes a great day, which becomes a great year, which becomes a great life.
  • Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love you.
  • Turn your can’ts into cans and your dreams into plans.

3. Sassy and Fun Attitude Quotes:

  • I’m not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.
  • Too glam to give a damn.
  • I’m not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice.
  • I’m not perfect, but I’m always myself.
  • Silence is the best response when you’re dealing with nonsense.
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Phil Sutton

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If any of these attitude quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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32 witty, one-liner jokes about getting old to make you smile

09/05/2026 by

Looking for some jokes about getting old, dear reader? Well, today I can offer you 32 of them.

Whether you’re young or old, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to a few of them.

I hope you enjoy them all, and I hope they make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

And remember this: we all get older, but getting old is a state of mind, much more than anything else. You don’t have to let the old man or woman in.

Anyway, take a few moments to read them all and then pass them on.

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Jokes about getting old:

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Women rarely admit their age; men rarely act it.

I’m so old that my first car was a covered wagon.

How come everyone my age seems older than me?

I’m at the age where I can’t keep up with all the things I hate.

A wise man remembers a woman’s birthday but never her age.

I’m so old, I can remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.

Regular naps will prevent old age, especially if taken while driving.

Ageing gracefully is the polite way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.

You know you’re old when dining out means catching the early bird special.

We were so poor growing up we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

You know you’re old when people call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”

I believe in loyalty. So, when I got to a certain age, I decided to stick with it.

My wife’s so vain, she’d rather pay full price than admit she’s a senior citizen.

I’d like to say I’m ageing like fine wine, but in my case, it’s more like a fine banana.

I like older women because they’re used to life’s disappointments, so they’re ready for me.

When you’re old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you’re there.

Old age is when your old classmates are so grey, wrinkled, and bald that they no longer recognize you.

If it’s your birthday today, you should congratulate yourself. Especially if you’re still able to remember it.

The older I get, the more cults make perfect sense. Do you know how hard it is to make friends as an adult?

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

The skill of the diplomat is the ability to tell someone to go to Hell in such a way that they’ll look forward to the trip.

Old age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o’clock.

The best moment of a woman’s life isn’t giving birth, it’s seeing an old adversary and realizing how fat and ugly she is now.

When you’re young, you make a lot of noise just having fun. When you’re old, you make even more noise just bending over.

I wanted to look distinguished in my old age, so I grew a beard. Turns out the statement I’m making is more like, “Discount, please, I’m a senior!”

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive. Fortunately, my older brother told me about it.

When I was young, I did stupid things because I didn’t know any better. Now I know better, I still do stupid things, but I can’t help it.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then I remember that death will be normal for my age at some point.

I’ve reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there’ll be some new developments I won’t like.

When you’re young, embarrassment is forgetting to zip up your fly. When you’re old, embarrassment is forgetting to unzip your fly.

As I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right one for me.

Phil Sutton

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Dear reader, did these jokes about getting old make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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5 humorous stories that’ll brighten your day a little

09/04/2026 by

If you’re looking for some funny jokes in the form of humorous stories, then I’ve got five great ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break from the day’s pressures to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Humorous Stories:

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window, enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought, he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

Well, his mother was a little perturbed by this question, and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny, why don’t you ask the flight attendant?”

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

The flight attendant had heard it all before, of course, but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?“

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes, mam, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.“

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly, Jim noticed a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

“Sir, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but the city’s mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead, and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

“He says he’s deep in debt, and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

“So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

“I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

“And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

“Well, sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started, but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far, and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.”

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3. The argument:

Doctor O’Riley and his wife are arguing at the breakfast table.

The argument is gradually escalating as they start lobbing verbal bombs at each other, trying to outdo what the other has said.

Eventually, Doctor O’Riley is in such a rage, he shouts, “And you’re no good in bed either,” before he storms out of the house.

By the time he reaches his surgery, Doctor O’Riley has calmed down, and he starts to feel guilty about his parting remark.

So, he phones his wife to apologise.

There’s no answer. So, he attempts to call several more times during the next hour. Eventually, his call is answered after many rings, and by this time, the doctor is irritated and shouts, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

“I was in bed,” his wife responds.

“You were in bed?” the doctor says in surprise. “What were you doing in bed?”

“If you must know,” his wife says, “I was getting a second opinion!”

4. Seeking meaning:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful partner, Tonto, were camping in the wilderness.

It had been a long day on the trail, and after they’d set up their tent, they both fell asleep.

Hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky. What do you see?“

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars, Tonto. Why?“

“What does that tell you, Kemo Sabe?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders this question momentarily and then says, “It tells me that the universe has millions of galaxies and billions of planets. It says we are mere specks in the great cosmos. And it says it’s approximately a quarter past two in the morning. The clear sky also suggests we will enjoy a beautiful day later. What does it tell you, Tonto?“

“Kemo Sabe, you’re dumber than a prairie dog,” Tonto responds. “It tells me that someone stole our tent.”

Phil Sutton

5. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

To identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends, Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body, and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body, and Jim-Bob responded immediately, saying, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

“Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.”

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

This turn of events mystified the medical examiner. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?”

“Well, sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

“What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

“How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.”

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Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these humorous stories made you smile, then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then click on the links below.

Thank you.

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23 great stay focused quotes to help you pursue success

09/03/2026 by

If you don’t know exactly what you want, then you’ll never get it. I’m sure that much is philosophically self-evident to you, dear reader. However, how can you know what you want?

Well, if necessary, keep trying stuff until you find something you really enjoy and at which you excel.

And once you’ve found something you love, stay focused on it and take it as far as you can possibly go.

That’s the way to achieve real success.

Here are 23 great stay-focused quotes to help you on your way.

stay-focused-quotes
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Stay focused quotes (1-7):

  1. Stay focused on the mission. ~Naveen Jain
  2. Stay focused, go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals. ~LL Cool J
  3. Know what you want, and focus on how you’ll get it. And never, ever give up. ~Roy Sutton
  4. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them. ~Albert Einstein
  5. Aim higher; stay focused. ~Brandon Adams
  6. I always want to stay focused on who I am, even as I’m discovering who I am. ~Alicia Keys
  7. Stay focused on your mission, remain steadfast in your pursuit of excellence, and always do the right thing. ~Mark Esper
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Stay focused quotes (8-15):

  1. Stay true to yourself, yet always be open to learning. Work hard and never give up on your dreams, even when nobody else believes they can come true but you. These are not cliches, but real tools you need no matter what you do in life to stay focused on your path. ~Phillip Sweet
  2. Stay focused, believe that you can achieve at the highest level, surround yourself with others who believe in you, and do not stray from your goal. ~Zach Ertz
  3. Successful people maintain a positive focus in life no matter what is going on around them. They stay focused on their past successes rather than their past failures, and on the next action steps, they need to take to get them closer to the fulfilment of their goals rather than all the other distractions that life presents to them. ~Jack Canfield
  4. It’s a long road, so we are just trying to stay focused and grounded and keep moving forward. ~Sturgill Simpson
  5. My key to dealing with stress is simple: just stay cool and stay focused. ~Ashton Eaton
  6. You have to stay focused and be mentally tough. That’s what I’ve really learned: every day is a grind, and you have to go hard. ~Chris Gronkowski
  7. Stay open-minded; stay focused. Train hard and train smart. For me, the older I get, the smarter I have to train because the recovery time is longer. Work on everything: become a well-rounded fighter; don’t just be good at one thing; be good at everything. ~Brock Lesnar
  8. As I get older, the more I stay focused on the acceptance of myself and others and choose compassion over judgment and curiosity over fear. ~Tracee Ellis Ross
Phil Sutton

Stay focused quotes (16-23):

  1. The best career advice I’ve gotten is to stay focused and keep moving forward. ~Tyga
  2. My only goal is to stay focused on my craft and make sure my life is as sharp as it can be to attack any character that is given to me. ~Michael K. Williams
  3. I have to make sure I stay focused, have the same ambition I’ve always had, and work hard; that’s the key to success. ~Romelu Lukaku
  4. What I’ve learned is that if you stay focused, believe, and actually walk the walk, anything is possible. ~Craig David
  5. I like to stay busy, I like to stay focused, and I like to stay creative. Without being creative, I’d be dead. ~Jeremy Renner
  6. Starting a business and building a product is not for the faint of heart. You have to learn to not let little disappointments get you down and to stay focused on the big picture. ~Gillian Tans
  7. You have to stay in the moment. Stay focused. Know what you’re going to do. ~Dave Martinez
  8. As for the stage fright, it never goes away. When I’m waiting in the wings to go on, it’s agony every single time, but I stay focused, and I know that once I’m on stage, it’ll be fine; I’ll be in my happy little bubble. ~Britt Ekland

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If it was, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

If you could share it now, then I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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6 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

08/28/2026 by
6 short story jokes

Here are six short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figure he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the police.

In his first week on the job, the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money, he thinks, and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money, and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that the deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.“

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?“

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.“

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.“

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun, which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector, and with real menace in his voice, he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.“

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again, and I think he’s serious.“

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes, and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.“

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?”

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!“

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and soon realizes he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height and suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me, sir, I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.“

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies, “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.“

“You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

“I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised. “How did you guess?“

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but it’s of no actual use to anyone.“

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO of a business.“

“Yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?“

“That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.“

3. The Tiger, the Man, and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can, and eventually, he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having no other option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment, a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock, and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down at what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls, it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask, but please help.“

“You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea, but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.“

“There’s one way to save you, but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it, and he can see the tiger still pacing around, growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

“Please, Lord, tell me what I must do, and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

“All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him, and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no one else up there I can speak to?“

SHORT STORY JOKES
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4. The Mercedes Dealership:

An elderly man returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car he was interested in to a beautiful, busty blonde.

“I thought you said you would hold that car for me until I raised the $75,000 asking price,” said the old man. “And now I’m told you just closed a deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.“

“Well, sir, what can I tell you?” replied the salesman, grinning. “She had the cash in her hand, and just look at her; she’s stunningly beautiful. How could I resist?”

At this point, the young lady approached the old man and handed him the keys to the car.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop his asking price. See you later, Grandpa.”

Moral of the story: Never mess with old people!

5. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk, and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that an old oil lamp can often house a genie, they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

“I am the genie of the lamp, and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

“Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the customer service agent’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK, Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.”

“I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

Phil Sutton

6. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

“Now, Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

“Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.“

“Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

“Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?”

“The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

“That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

“Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

“The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and, through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?“

“No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

“OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

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15 famous Dolly Parton quotes about Dolly Parton

08/26/2026 by

Today I want to take a look at some famous Dolly Parton quotes about Dolly Parton.

All music fans will have been shocked to hear the news of the sad death of the legendary Dolly Parton. Though she was often dismissed as nothing more than those assets for which she was famous, Dolly Parton deserved our respect. In my opinion, she was smart and talented, and she had a great sense of humour too. There will never be another Dolly. Rest in peace, Dolly, and thanks for all the music. You will be missed.

Anyway, there are some great quotes here, so take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And then, please pass them on.

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Famous Dolly Parton quotes:

  1. People say I look so happy, and I say, ‘That’s the Botox.’
  2. My weakness has always been food and men, in that order.
  3. It’s a good thing I was born a girl; otherwise, I’d be a drag queen.
  4. If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging, I’ll get it nipped, tucked or sucked.
  5. The biggest heartaches in my life have been because I wanted people to love me more than they were willing or able to.
  6. I thank God for my failures. Maybe not at the time but after some reflection. I never feel like a failure just because something I tried has failed.
  7. I look just like the girl next door if you happen to live next door to an amusement park.
  8. When I’m inspired, I get excited because I can’t wait to see what I’ll come up with next.
  9. I’m no natural beauty. If I’m gonna have any looks at all, I’m gonna have to create them.
  10. I may have a little body art, but I’m not telling you where. (On being asked whether she had any tattoos)
  11. Maybe when I’m 100 and you’ll be sorry then. (On being asked whether she’d ever pose nude)
  12. I was already into plastic surgery when most of these country singers were still into plastic sheets.
  13. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb, and I also know that I’m not blonde.
  14. Music has always been the centre for me, and when I go, I want to fall dead on stage, right in the middle of a song.
  15. I was the first woman to burn my bra. It took the fire department four days to put it out.
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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please, please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share everyone wins.

So please share this post now, whilst you have the chance. If you can do that for me then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

Phil Sutton

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21 quotes by Dolly Parton reflecting her personal philosophy

08/26/2026 by

If you’re saddened by the unexpected news of her passing and you’re seeking quotes by Dolly Parton, I’ve collected an interesting selection for you today, dear reader. Specifically, I’ve tried to pick those quotes credited to Dolly that give us an insight into her own personal philosophy.

Dolly Rebecca Parton was undoubtedly one of the great American cultural icons of our age. She was also a successful singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, actress, author, and businesswoman. She was a smart lady and an excellent example to follow should you be looking for a role model.

Remember, Dolly Parton was born into a poor family, the fourth of 12 children, and so her success was all down to her own effort. No one handed her anything on a plate.

So, if she could do it, so can you, dear reader.

If success is your aim, it always makes sense to look for successful people, see what’s made them successful, and then try to copy it. If it worked for them, then it might just work for you.

So here are 21 quotes by Dolly Parton, which I hope will help you in your quest for wisdom and insight.

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Quotes by Dolly Parton (1 – 10):

Energy begets energy.

Everybody has a purpose.

I don’t kiss anybody’s butt.

I will never retire unless I have to.

Smile! It increases your face value.

Storms make trees take deeper roots.

Find out who you are. And do it on purpose.

I’m no natural beauty. If I’m gonna have any looks at all, I’m gonna have to create them.

Adjusting to the passage of time, I think, is a key to success and to life: just being able to roll with the punches.

I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.

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Quotes by Dolly Parton (11 – 21):

I’m not trying to be fashionable. Never was!

I have surrounded myself with very smart people.

No one is ever successful at everything that they do.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

You’ll never do a whole lot unless you’re brave enough to try.

Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.

If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

I’m not going to limit myself just because people won’t accept the fact that I can do something else.

I’m not happy all the time, and I wouldn’t want to be because that would make me a shallow person. But I do try to find the good in everybody.

Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.

Phil Sutton

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Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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25 very corny jokes that’ll cheer you up guaranteed

08/20/2026 by

If you’ve been searching for some very corny jokes, this article is for you, dear reader.

Life can be stressful for everyone, so we all must laugh every day.

To help you with that, I’ve been collecting some more very corny jokes. These all made me smile, and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown.’

However, if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others whenever possible.

So here they are, 25 very corny jokes that will cheer you up, guaranteed.

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VERY CORNY JOKES
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Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

22. Did you hear about the dog that loved eating garlic?

His bark was much worse than his bite.

23. What has four legs and flies?

A dead horse.

24. What’s the difference between a businessman and a warm dog?

The businessman wears a suit, the dog just pants.

25. What kind of monkey can fly?

A hot air baboon.

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I appreciate your support. Thank you.

Phil Sutton

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21 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny

08/15/2026 by

Here are 21 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and smile simultaneously.

They’re so bad they’re funny. Certainly, they made me smile.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Phil Sutton
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21 Bad Jokes:

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag?”
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton.”

 

  • Man in a bookstore: Where is the Self-Help section, please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told you that, sir, it would defeat the purpose.

 

  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!

 

  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.

 

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.

 

  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!

 

  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!

 

  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!

 

  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.

 

  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.

 

  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!

 

  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!

 

  • How do you think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!

 

  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus

 

  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

 

  • What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
  • Dam.

 

  • If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
  • European.

 

  • Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
  • He won the no-bell prize.

 

  • What’s red and bad for your teeth?
  • A brick.

 

  • Two guys walk into a bar.
  • The third guy ducks.

 

  • Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
  • He just needed some space.
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If any of these really bad jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face now, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post right away.

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Thank you for being so supportive.

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This hilarious joke is guaranteed to make you laugh

08/11/2026 by

We all must laugh at least once daily, wouldn’t you agree? Well, dear reader, if you’ve yet to laugh today, I think this hilarious joke will just be what you need.

This is a joke guaranteed to make you laugh, and it’s one you can tell in the office without worrying about offending people.

So go on, take a minute, and enjoy it.

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DishDilemma.com

Hilarious Joke:

Standing up to the Angels:

A man dies and suddenly finds himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter.

With a cloud-connected iPad in his hand, St Peter is checking the details of each individual standing in line to decide whether they’ve done enough to pass through the gates into Heaven.

When the man gets to the front of the queue, St Peter looks at him and says, “Name please?”

“I’m Jim Thompson,” says the man.

“Hello, Jim,” says St Peter. “Can you tell me what you did for a living, please?”

Jim hesitated momentarily before saying, “Unfortunately I was out of work and living on welfare.”

“Hmmmmm,” says St. Peter, rubbing his chin. “Have you done anything recently that has benefited your fellow human beings?”

Jim thought for a minute, and then he said, “Well, when I saw a group of Hells Angels abusing a pretty girl in the street, I walked right up to the ringleader, and getting right into his personal space, nose to nose, looking him dead in the eye, I said to him, ‘You show that girl some respect, boy, or you and I will have to sort it out man to man’.”

St Peter tapped something into his iPad and considered the response momentarily. Then he said to Jim, “I’m afraid there’s nothing in your records to confirm what you’ve said. When did it happen?”

“About five minutes ago,” said Jim.

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Phil Sutton

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