Laugh

15 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

04/03/2021 by Roy Sutton

Here is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching for the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoyed these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So pass them on, but not before you’ve enjoyed them yourself.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:

Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears
Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
I used to work as an origami teacher but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with birdseed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van it’s called a shipment?
Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”
I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.”
Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.

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So did these funny one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

04/02/2021 by Roy Sutton

Do you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have too.

Computer nerd jokes:

What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

What’s a computer virus?
A terminal illness

Which tea do web developers prefer?
URL Grey

How does a tree use a computer?
It logs on

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte to eat

Why did the computer keep sneezing?
It had a virus

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open

Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

Which computer sings the best?
A Dell

Why did the computer show up late for work?
It had a hard drive

What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
Memory problems

What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
Built a website

Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
Microchips

Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse

Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates

Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
It’s not stroganoff

What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
A web crawler

What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
A computer with a really big memory

What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
A screensaver

I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
Took me ages to find it

Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 10?
I asked him and his reply was, “I still love VISTA baby!”

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Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed

03/29/2021 by Roy Sutton

Life can be stressful for everyone so it’s important that we all laugh every day.

To help you with that I’ve been collecting more very corny jokes. These all made me smile and I hope they will make you smile too.

Unfortunately, despite best efforts, it hasn’t been possible to identify the original authors of these very corny jokes, so for the moment they remain ‘Author Unknown‘.

However, if you’re able to help with that, do let me know. My aim always is to acknowledge the work of others when it is possible.

So here they are, 21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed.

Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan on Juan.

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

It was craving a well-balanced meal.

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

You’re looking a little pail.

6. What did one hat say to the other?

You stay here and I’ll go on ahead.

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

She just puts it on her bill.

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

Park your car, man.

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

Make a seizure salad.

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

To raise some dough.

11. Who does a pharaoh talk to when he’s sad?

His mummy.

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer.

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

He could feel his presents.

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

Do not read it!

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up literally everything.

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad away.

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

Because everyone thought he was a boar.

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

Because there’s no point.

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

Thank goodness it was a soft drink.

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3 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse you

03/28/2021 by Roy Sutton

Today I offer you some very funny jokes that won’t offend anyone but they’ll definitely amuse you and your friends dear reader, of that I’m confident.

So take a moment to enjoy these three little gems. And of course, share them with your friends.

1. Father Murphy:

Father Murphy looked uneasy as he attempted to greet the wedding guests at the entrance to St Bernadette’s Church.

He doesn’t say much and he looks uncomfortable but the congregation know him to be a bit shy.

As the bride arrives, Father Murphy makes his way to the altar and, as the couple approach, he gives the best speech anyone has ever heard.

Not only is it an excellent speech, full of wisdom and insight but he appears to be confident and he has everyone rolling on the floor laughing.

After the couple have made their vows and everyone is leaving, Father Murphy steps down from the altar and once again he becomes tongue-tied and shy and barely manages to say a word to anyone.

Feeling a little sorry for him, the groom says, “I hope you don’t mind me asking Father, but why are you so shy now? You seemed like a different person when you were up there giving that speech earlier.“

“I know“, Father Murphy responded, “but that was just my altar ego.”

2. Running out of gas:

Gerry is driving down the freeway when he runs out of gas.

He’s sitting there in the driver’s seat wondering what to do next when a bee flies in through his window.

“What seems to be your problem?” asks the bee.

“I’ve run out of gas“, Gerry replies.

“That’s unfortunate”, says the bee. “However if you wait here I can help you.”

The bee then flies off, only to return minutes later with an entire swarm of bees. They all fly into his gas tank, leaving Gerry wondering exactly what’s going on.

After a few minutes, the swarm flies off and the bee says to Gerry, “Try it now.”

Gerry turns his ignition key and his car fires into action immediately.

“Wow!” Gerry exclaims. “What did you put in the gas tank?“

The bee smiles and says, “BP, of course.“

3. The lion enclosure:

It’s Jim’s first day on the job as a trainee zookeeper at London Zoo.

His boss wants to ease him into his duties gently so Jim’s given the fish to look after.

Unfortunately, Jim gets all the fish food mixed up with the chemicals and he manages to kill all the fish.

Worried that the mistake might cost him his job, Jim decides it might be easier to cover it up by gathering all the now-dead-fish together and throwing them into the lion enclosure when no-one’s looking.

After lunch Jim’s boss asks him to feed the chimpanzees.

Unfortunately once again by mistake Jim gives them all the wrong food and manages to kill them off too.

Again he’s worried that he could lose the job he only started that very morning. So he decides on another cover-up. Once again Jim dumps all the bodies into the lion enclosure whilst no-one’s looking.

Well, two major mistakes in one day was a little embarrassing, so in the late afternoon, Jim decides to sneak off early before he could do anything else wrong.

Sadly another disaster was waiting to happen.

When reversing his car he managed to back it into the apiary and in doing so crushed all the bees.

Left with little option Jim executed yet another cover-up. He scooped up the crushed bees and again through them all into the lion enclosure.

Jim then jumps into his car and heads for home.

The next day, the zoo has a new arrival. It’s a new lion transferred from Whipsnade Zoo.

“What’s it like here then?” the new lion asks the others in the lion enclosure.

“Not bad“, one replies, “there’s less space here than at Whipsnade but the food’s good. Yesterday we had fish, chimps and mushy bees.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny jokes that won’t offend anyone make you laugh? I hope so.

However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. And it’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, then I’d be ever so grateful. and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

3 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love

03/27/2021 by Roy Sutton

Here are 3 funny can’t stop laughing jokes you’ll love. If you’re in need of a laugh then I suggest you take a couple of minutes and check these out now:-

1. Young Johnny:

Young Johnny wanted desperately to get a set of drums for his birthday.

His parents weren’t keen on the idea but his grandparents being grandparents couldn’t resist bringing a smile to his face and they bought him the drums.

“Gee thanks, this is the best present I’ve ever had”, said Johnny excitedly, when his grandparents gave their gift.

A week later his grandad came to visit and he was asking Johnny how he was getting on with playing the drums.

“They’ve already earned me over a $100”, said Johnny

“Wow”, said grandad, “you must be getting really good at playing them.”

“Not really”, said Johnny, “but mum gives me $10 each day for not playing them during the day and dad gives me $10 a day for not playing them in the evening.”

2. The Violin Recital:

Bill had been invited round to his neighbour’s house to listen to a violin recital being given by the neighbour’s son.

They listened intently for 30 minutes and at the end of the recital the neighbour looked at Bill and said, “What do you think?”

“Well, if I’m honest”, said Bill, “he reminds me of Jamie Callum.”

“Really?” said the neighbour, “I didn’t even know Jamie Callum could play the violin.”

“He can’t”, said Bill, “and neither can your son.”

3. A healthy diet:

Jim and Mildred, both in their 90s, were killed suddenly when the bus they were on crashed in bad weather.

This was sad because they’d been in excellent health due to a strict regime of eating only healthy foods, abstaining from drinking alcohol, plenty of exercise and watching their weight.

When St Peter welcomed them, he showed them around the first-class facilities now available to them in Heaven.

Jim was really impressed with the beautiful scenery, the eighteen-hole golf course and the Olympic-sized swimming pool.

“This place is really amazing”, said Jim.

“That’s not all,” said St Peter, “let me show you around our five-star restaurant.”

He then led them into the most amazing restaurant with a sumptuous buffet serving every type of delicious food you could imagine.

“Where’s the low fat table?” asked Jim.

“Oh you don’t need to worry about that anymore”, said St Peter. “You can eat anything you like here. You’re in Heaven now! You can eat as much as you like too. Drink wine; drink beer as well. None of it will affect you. ”

Jim suddenly became quite irritated and he threw his hat to the ground.

“What’s the problem?” asked St Peter.

“Mildred”, Jim snapped, “if you hadn’t insisted on that ghastly diet of All-Bran, Tofu, lentils and oatmeal, we could have been here 10 years ago!”

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these funny, can’t-stop-laughing jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

03/26/2021 by Roy Sutton

Here are five short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the Police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figured that he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the Police.

In his first week on the job the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money he thinks and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and they ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.“

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?“

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.“

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.“

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector and then with real menace in his voice he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.“

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again and I think he’s serious.“

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.“

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?”

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!“

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and he soon realizes that he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height and then he suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me sir I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.“

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.“

“You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

“I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?“

“Well” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct but it’s of no actual use to anyone.“

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO in a business.“

“Yes, I am” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?“

“That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met but now it’s my fault.“

3. The Tiger, the Man and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can and eventually he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having little option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down to what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask but please help.“

“You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.“

“There’s one way to save you but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it and he can see the tiger still pacing around growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

“Please, Lord, tell me what I must do and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

“All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no else up there I can speak to?“

4. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that old oil lamps can often house a genie they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

“I am the genie of the lamp and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

“Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the customer service agent’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.”

“I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

5. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

“Now Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

“Well Señora, there’s three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.“

“Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

“Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?”

“The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

“That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

“Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh he did, did he?” the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

“The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?“

“No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

“OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these short story jokes dear reader then please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

33 terrible puns, so bad they’ll make you smile

02/20/2021 by Roy Sutton

Puns can be really corny and terrible puns are the corniest of the lot. Nevertheless, lots of people like them and I always get a good response when I put a collection of them together.

So today I offer you another 33 puns, corny to the point of being terrible, but they just might make you smile too. I hope so.

Enjoy them all and please pass them on to your friends.

Terrible puns (1-11):

Squid puns are inkredible.
With fish puns, any fin goes.
We’re big fans of renewable energy.
Skeleton puns are close to the bone.
With Halloween puns, anything ghost.
Do I like tea? I’m willing to give it a chai.
With music puns, I’ve had too much too tune.
Haunted French pancakes will give you the crepes.
Two blood cells fell in love but alas it was all in vein.
Do busy elephants keep a list of tusks to be completed?
With mountaineering puns, actions peak louder than words.

Terrible puns (12-22):

Why don’t frogs wear shoes? They prefer open-toad sandals.
If a plant is sad, do the other plants photosympathize with it?
What did the biologist wear on his first date? Designer Genes.
I went terrapin bowling the other night. It was turtley amazing.
My orange was a funny color. Definitely, a whiter shade of peel.
In the debate about Mexican food, I played the Devil’s avocado.
If I had a ruminant of pride, would I be writing terrible camel puns?
The omelette wasn’t very good, but I’ve put it down to eggsperience.
Sales promotion on French breadsticks. Buy one, baguette one free!
I’ve been to Joshua Tree National Park but it’s not all it’s cactus to be.
There was a wild bamboo party at the zoo. It was utter panda-monium.

Terrible puns (13-33):

I looked at the Indian buffet and thought, “No, I don’t want naan of that.”
My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes. It Taurus apart.
Omelettin’ you have it. Yolks about accidents in egg factories aren’t funny.
The baker smiled and said, “I don’t knead money, I’ve got plenty of dough.”
I’d love to explore the Arctic and boldly go where snowmen have gone before.
What did the tectonic plate say when it bumped into another? “Sorry, my fault!”
The baker brought out a tray of American-style, glazed, sweet treats. I said, “Donut tempt me.”
A chicken walked into a bar swearing, loudly. “No fowl language, please,” said the bartender.
They served leaf cabbage for lunch in the police canteen but I thought, “That’s beyond the kale of duty!”
Cows were complaining about living conditions on the farm and the leader said, “We’ve herd the problems but hoof you spoken to so far?”
Two Martians land in a field and the first thing they see is a cute little doe eating grass. “I’ve never seen herbivore,” one said to the other.

Please share this post:

So did these terrible puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read here then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

3 funny jokes to cheer up a friend and make you smile

02/14/2021 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny jokes to cheer up a friend, then how about these three I have on offer today.

I’ve told them to a few people recently and the responses have all been positive.

By positive I mean, laughter has followed.

So enjoy them all and share them with your friends.

Funny jokes to cheer up a friend:

1. The new store on Main Street:

Jerry and Mike were two young businessmen who were setting up a new store on Main Street.

The store wasn’t quite ready for opening yet, but at least all the shelves were now set up and located in their right places.

They’d had a very busy morning setting up those shelves, so they were now taking a well-earned break.

As they surveyed the results of all their hard work, Jerry said, “I’ll bet you any minute now someone will walk by, put their face to the window, and then ask what we’re selling.”

Mike smiled, but before he could respond, there was a little old lady peering through the glass. In a soft voice, she said, “What are you selling here?”

Well, Jerry couldn’t resist a sarcastic response.

“We’re selling assholes,” he said.

Right back at him, the little old lady responded, “You’re doing really well then. You’ve only got two left!”

2. The geek and the frog:

A geek is having his lunch on campus. It’s a beautiful spring day, so the geek is sitting on the grass outside the college building, brown bag in hand.

There’s a fountain close by and as he’s enjoying a sandwich, suddenly a frog hops from the water and straight over to speak to the geek.

“Hello,” says the frog. “Thank goodness you’re here. I’m a beautiful princess, but I’ve been cursed by the wicked witch. A kiss from you will break the spell. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful.”

The geek stares at the frog momentarily, then picks it up without saying a word and puts it in his pocket. Having finished his lunch, he then gets up and heads back towards the college building.

The frog can’t believe what’s happening.

“Hey, did you hear me?” the frog asks. “Kiss me, and you’ll have your own beautiful princess.”

The geek pats the frog on the head and begins to whistle.

The Frog is starting to get a little concerned.

“Please, help me,” says the frog. “I really don’t want to remain a frog. I want to be the princess I once was. If you kiss me, I’ll marry you. Then you’ll be royalty and you will lead a charmed life for as long as you live.”

“Look, froggy,” says the geek. “I’m a computer software geek. I wouldn’t know what to do with a girlfriend. However, a talking frog? Now, that’s really cool.”

3. The flying experience:

Boarding was now complete on Flight 205 and all the passengers were seated and awaiting the pilot and co-pilot.

The pilot and co-pilot arrive, and as they climb up the steps to the plane, passengers notice they’re both wearing dark glasses and they both have long white sticks. They both actually appear to be blind, as they’re using the sticks to feel their way up the steps.

Well, naturally, the passengers start to freak out as they watch them struggle to feel the way into the cockpit, with the help of the cabin crew.

The cabin crew then prepare for departure, as if everything is normal, carrying out their final checks and so on.

Quickly, as it now all appears normal, the passengers start to calm down. They assume the pilot and co-pilot must have been having a joke at their expense.

Eventually the plane moves off the stand and within minutes it is cleared for takeoff.

The plane is now racing down the runway.

At the end of the airport runway, there is a very steep cliff, falling away into the open sea.

As the plane speeds down the runway, there’s no sign of lift-off and the cliff edge is getting closer and closer by the second.

The passengers start screaming in panic but then suddenly the plane is airborne and, once again, calm returns.

In the cockpit at this moment, the pilot says to the co-pilot, “You know, one of these days, the passengers won’t scream early enough and we’re all going to die.”

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Did you enjoy these funny jokes to cheer up a friend? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I’ll be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

25 silly jokes that are laugh out loud funny

02/11/2021 by Roy Sutton

Here’s another batch of short and silly but laugh our loud funny jokes just for you, dear reader. I hope they give you a few minutes of pleasure to brighten your day.

Today’s laugh out loud funny jokes:

If I’m nobody;
And nobody’s perfect;
Then I must be perfect.

Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

How do you befriend a squirrel?
Act like a nut.

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks.

What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
A chilly dog.

What do call you a row of bunnies moving backwards?
A receding hare line.

Why was the paediatrician always losing his temper?
Because he had little patients.

What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel it’s good enough?
Impasta syndrome.

Would you like to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried and gave me a big hug.

My wife was complaining that I never take her anywhere expensive.
So I said, “Come on, get in the car we’re going to the gas station.”

They say 40 is the new 30
But try telling that to a traffic cop.

Relationships are like algebra.
You look at your X and wonder Y.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape!
BREATH!

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.

You could say it was an emotional wedding.
Even the cake was in tears.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

A guy assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
How dairy.

My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim’s improving.

I own a pencil once owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

People didn’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
So I decided to raise the bar.

The World Tongue-Twister Champion was up before the judge in court.
I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.

I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.

I hate insects puns.
They really bug me.

I’ve been trying to lose weight.
But it keeps finding me.

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So did these rib-tickling jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

33 Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up

02/10/2021 by Roy Sutton

We live in difficult times and we all face so many pressures. When our friends are down we try to lift their spirits. And for that it helps if we have a few Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up.

Well today, I’ve curated another 33 gems just for you, dear reader.

At least I think their gems. So I hope they’ll make you laugh too. You might mind some of them a bit too corny but a few of them might just tickle you.

Enjoy them and don’t forget to share them too.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (1-11)

Nothing tops plain pizza.
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
Seven days of fasting will make one weak.
What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi.
I tried eating a clock but it was time-consuming.
I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.
Dead batteries cost nothing. They’re free of charge.
The girl in the middle of the tennis court is Annette.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (12-22)

Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?
Cemetery raises prices and blames it on cost of living.
I will start collecting highlighting pens. Mark my words.
I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.
What does the pizza man use to cut his hair? Little Caesars.
I pulled a muscle digging for gold. It was just a miner injury.
What do you call a cow that can’t give milk? An udder failure.
Water’s heavier than Butane because Butane is a Lighter fluid.
When a wolf is taught to meditate, does it become aware wolf?
I started an online bakery but I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (23-33)

Lego store re-opens after lockdown. People stand in line for blocks.
Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
My daughter wants to study burrowing rodents. I told her to gopher it.
I’m reading a book called “Quick Money for Dummies” by Robin Banks.
I wanted a career as a fisherman, but I couldn’t live on the net income.
If you wear a facemask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.
Beauty School student misses classes. She’s forced to make up the makeup test.
If two meth-heads start a relationship are they “speed dating” or just “mething around”.
My wife said she’d leave me if I made up any more puns about The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face …..
DOCTOR: Nurse, what’s the status on the boy who swallowed a coin? NURSE: Still no change, Doctor.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to find your X. She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y.

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Did you enjoy these corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:

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Computer nerd jokes:

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Very Corny Jokes:

1. What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?

2. What’s the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

3. What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

4. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker?

5. What did the big bucket say to the smaller one?

6. What did one hat say to the other?

7. How does a duck buy lipstick?

8. What do you do when you see a spaceman?

9. What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

10. Why was the poor guy selling yeast?

12. How much does a pirate pay for corn?

13. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?

14. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.

15. Why can’t you trust an atom?

16. What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?

17. What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

18. How come oysters never donate to charity?

19. Why did the pig leave the party early?

20. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

21. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.

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Other articles you may also find amusing:

1. Father Murphy:

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Other articles you’ll find amusing:

1. Young Johnny:

2. The Violin Recital:

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1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

4. The Genie:

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Terrible puns (1-11):

Terrible puns (12-22):

Terrible puns (13-33):

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Funny jokes to cheer up a friend:

1. The new store on Main Street:

2. The geek and the frog:

3. The flying experience:

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Today’s laugh out loud funny jokes:

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Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (1-11)

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (12-22)

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (23-33)

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