3 funny jokes to tell your friends to make them laugh

funny-jokes-to-tell-your-friendsIf you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends then look no further. Here are three little gems that are guaranteed to raise a smile.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. Challenging times:

When Jim arrived home one day, he was met at his front door by his wife, Elaine. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

What’s the matter, honey?” asked Jim.

It’s the pharmacist,” Elaine responded. “He insulted me terribly when I spoke with him on the phone earlier.”

Naturally, Jim drove downtown immediately to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before Jim could say more than a few words the pharmacist interrupted him.

Sir, please just listen to my side of the story first,” said the pharmacist.

Go on then, I’m listening,” said Jim sharply.

Well, this morning,” said the pharmacist, “my alarm failed to go off and so I was late getting up. I missed breakfast and hurried to my car. However, as I slammed my front door, I then realised that it had locked with the keys to the house and the car inside. So, I had to break a window to get back in the house to get my keys.

But how does that explain the way you spoke to my wife,” asked Jim.

Sir, I’m getting to that,” said the pharmacist. “Naturally, having broken a window, I had to board it up before I left. That made me even later. So, I was speeding in my car, in an attempt to make up the time, but a cop stopped me and I got a speeding ticket. Then three blocks from my store I got a flat tire.

So, you were unfortunate, so what?” Jim responds.

I lost more time changing the wheel on my car,” the pharmacist continued, “and then when I got to my store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open. They were unhappy but I served them as quickly as I could, despite their moaning at me, and all the time the phone was ringing off the hook.”

Fine, but how does that explain your treatment of my wife,” asks Jim.

Well, the pressure didn’t end there,” the pharmacist continued. “To give a customer change, I had to break a roll of nickels but they spilt out of my hands, all over the floor. I get down on my knees to pick up all the nickels and the phone is still ringing. Then, I’m getting up off my knees only to crack my head on the open cash register. I then fell backwards against I showcase of expensive perfume bottles. They all hit the floor and there was glass smashed everywhere. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing.

So, what did you do then,” asked Jim.

Well, finally, I had no choice but to answer the phone,” said the pharmacist. “It was your wife and she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And I can honestly say mister, all I did was tell her!

2. Misunderstanding:

My wife and I were all dressed up and ready to go out for an evening of dinner and theatre. However, having been burgled previously, naturally, we were security conscious. So we turned on a night light and put our cat out in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we were walking out of our front door when our cat Milly shot back in again and ran up the stairs.

Unfortunately, Milly liked to chase our pet parakeet, so the two of them couldn’t be left alone in the house together.

So, my wife went back into the house to catch the cat and put it back outside again.

Naturally, security-conscious as ever, I didn’t want the cab driver to know our house would be empty, so I told him that my wife had just gone inside momentarily to say good night to her mother.

A few minutes later my wife got into the cab looking very hot and bothered.

Sorry, it took so long,” she said. “The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then she tried to take off again, so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard. So, she’d better not crap on my vegetable garden whilst we’re out!

The look on the cab driver’s face was priceless.

3. Communication breakdown:

Judge Bernstein was interviewing an elderly lady regarding her pending divorce.

So, Mrs Thompson,” said Judge Bernstein, “what are the grounds for your divorce?

About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by,” replied Mrs Thompson.

No,” he said the judge, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?

Oh,” Mrs Thompson responded, “it’s made of wood, slate, brick and mortar.”

No, no,” said the judge, “I mean, what are your relations like?

Well,” she Mrs Thompson, “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my husband.

Mrs Thompson, do you have a real grudge?” the judge asked warily.

No, your honour,” replied Mrs Thompson. “We have a two-car carport.”

The judge tried once again, “Please, Mrs Thompson, is there any infidelity in your marriage?

Yes,” said Mrs Thompson. “Both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”

Mam, please,” said the judge. “Does your husband ever beat you up?

Yes,” said Mrs Thompson. “He gets up earlier than I do on Saturdays when he’s playing golf.

Finally, the judge cannot contain his frustration any longer.

Lady, why do you want a divorce?” he asks.

Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” Mrs Thompson replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he can’t communicate with me!

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these funny jokes to tell your friends? Were they as funny as you’d hoped they would be, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I’ll be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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3 funny jokes for everyone in need of a laugh or two

funny-jokes-for-everyoneHere are three very funny jokes for everyone in need of a laugh or two today.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny jokes for everyone:

1. The subtle art of getting even:

Seventeen-year-old Brandon arrived home one day driving a fabulous Porsche 917K sports car.

Naturally, for his parents witnessing his arrival, this was a jaw-dropping moment.

Where the hell did you get that car, Brandon?” asks his father. “Did you steal it?

No, Dad,” replies Brandon. “I bought it.”

Brandon,” says his mother, “a car like that would cost in excess of $10 million. How could you possibly have bought it?

Oh, mum, you’re exaggerating,” says Brandon. “It only cost me fifteen dollars.

Fifteen dollars!” exclaims his father. “Who’d be mad enough to sell you a car like that for fifteen dollars?

It was Mrs Jones who lives in that large mansion on my paper route,” replies Brandon. “She saw me on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”

Well, Brandon’s mother and father felt compelled to pay Mrs Jones a visit.

When Mrs Jones answered the knock on her door, Brandon’s father was quick with his questions, “Why would you sell my son a classic sports car for fifteen dollars? What the hell is going on?

It’s very simple, really,” Mrs Jones replied. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. He told me he’d decided to run off for a new life in Hawaii with his secretary. He said he wasn’t coming back and he asked me to sell his Porsche and send him the money. So I did.

2. Senior moment:

funny-jokes-for-everyoneBetty, an elderly Florida lady, had been doing her shopping and, upon returning to her car, she found four young men in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

Being the feisty lady that she was, she dropped her shopping to the floor and then grabbed a Smith & Wesson 5906 from her purse and shouted as loud as she could, “Yes, I’m armed; yes, it’s loaded; and yes, I know how to use it! Get out of the car punks!

The four young men could see that this wasn’t a lady to be messed with, so they got out of the car and ran like hell.

Feisty as she was, naturally, Betty was still a little shaken by her experience and the adrenaline was definitely pumping through her veins.

She loaded her shopping bags into the back of the car, and then she got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she couldn’t get her key into the ignition.

Well, she tried and tried, and then she realized why.

It was for the same reason that she was suddenly wondering why was there a football, a Frisbee and two 6-packs of beer on the rear seat?

Suddenly, it dawned on her that her own car was actually located seven spaces farther along the parking line.

Oh dear!” she exclaimed to herself

So, she transferred her shopping into her own car and then she drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four very pale young men were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, curly white hair, who was armed and dangerous.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story: If you’re going to have a senior moment, make it memorable.

3. Medical cover:

Jim was out shopping in his local mall one day.

He’s browsing in a store when suddenly he suffers a serious heart attack.

Naturally, as soon as the clerks see Jim collapse on the floor, they called 911.

Within minutes paramedics are on the scene and Jim’s rushed to the nearest hospital, where he undergoes emergency open-heart, bypass surgery.

A few hours later, Jim is awakened from his surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital.

Sister Philomena, a young nun, is seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms and a pen.

Sir,” says Sister Philomena. “I know this is a difficult moment for you but I need to ask you, who is going to pay for your treatment? Do you have health insurance?

No mam, I don’t have any health insurance,” Jim responds, almost whispering.

Well then, do you have any money in the bank?” asks Sister Philomena.

No mam, I don’t have any money in the bank either,” Jim responds, once again, in an almost inaudible whisper.

Starting to get a little concerned, Sister Philomena asks, “Do you have any relatives who could help you with the payments?

Well, I only have a spinster sister but she’s a nun,” Jim responds.

Sister Philomena is really irritated by this insensitive comment and she announces loudly, for everyone to hear, “Sir, nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God!

Well then, that’s perfect,” says Jim. “You’ll be able to send the bill to my brother-in-law.

Please share this post with your friends:

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I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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21 Extracts from funny complaints letters to make you smile

funny-complaints-lettersUnfortunate but true, people living in social housing tend to be at the lower end of the socio-economic scale. They often have limited education, so tend to be less articulate as well. The result for local councils can be some very funny complaints letters at times.

In Britain, local councils are the focal point for the provision of social housing, and they are the main recipients for what frequently turn out to be some funny complaints letters.

To illustrate my point, here are some extracts from funny complaints letters sent to local councils in Britain. All very innocent remarks, of course, but I’m sure the housing officers receiving these letters couldn’t resist a chuckle or two.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

Funny complaints letters (1-10):

  1. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
  2. It’s the dog’s mess that I find hard to swallow.
  3. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
  4. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
  5. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
  6. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
  7. Their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
  8. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
  9. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get BBC2.
  10. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

Funny complaints letters (11-21):

  1. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
  2. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
  3. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it’s a funny colour and not fit to drink.
  4. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
  5. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
  6. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
  7. The next-door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can’t take it anymore.
  8. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and it’s now getting too much for me.
  9. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
  10. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
  11. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

Funny Complaints LettersPlease share this post with your friends:

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I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Thank you.

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8 funny jokes to tell your friends in the bar after work

funny-jokes-to-tellIf you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends in the bar after work, then look no further.

There are some excellent ones here. Well, I think so, anyway.

I hope you enjoy them all too. If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny jokes to tell:

1. Turning a problem into an opportunity:

A young guy named Jim meets a farmer in a bar.

They get talking over a beer at the counter and very soon Jim’s bought a horse from the farmer unseen for $250. Not only has he not seen the nag, Jim even agreed to pay upfront too.

The farmer agrees to deliver the horse to Jim’s home the next day.

Sure enough the next morning the farmer arrives at Jim’s home but the news is not quite what Jim is expecting.

Sorry, son,” says the farmer, “but unfortunately the horse has died.

Well,” says Jim, “just give me back my money.”

“Sorry, son,” responds the farmer, “I can’t do that because I’ve already spent your money.”

“Well, in that case,” says Jim, “just bring me the dead horse.”

“What are you going to do with a dead horse?” asks the farmer.

“I’ll raffle him off, to get my money back,” says Jim.

You can’t raffle a dead horse!” exclaims the farmer, sounding a little surprised.

Sure, I can. Just watch me!” says Jim. “I just won’t mention the fact that the horse is dead.

A couple of months later, the farmer bumps into Jim in the same bar where they met originally.

Hi,” says the farmer. “Tell me, what happened to the dead horse?

I raffled him off like I said I would,” Jim responds.

Oh really, and how did that go?” asks the farmer.

It was brilliant,” says Jim. “I sold 1,000 raffle tickets at $5 each and after what I gave you for the horse plus expenses, I made $4,575 profit.”

Really?” says the farmer. “Didn’t anyone complain about the horse being dead?

Yes,” says Jim, “the guy who won. So I gave him back his five dollars.”

2. The power of flight:

Bill walks into a bar located on the roof terrace of a skyscraper in downtown Metropolis.

Bill’s standing at the counter waiting to be served, when the guy next to him offers him a sip of his cocktail.

Take a sip of this cocktail buddy,” the guy says, slurring his words. “It’s a special drink and it will give you the power of flight.

Oh, that’s got to be nonsense,” says Bill. “There’s no way taking a sip of someone’s drink will have me flying around the rooftops of Metropolis.”

Would I lie to you?” the guy says to Bill. “Let me show you.”

With that, the guy swallows the contents of the glass, then jumps off the roof, flies around in a wide circle and then glides smoothly back onto the roof terrace.

Bill is amazed by what he’s just witnessed. So he says to the bartender, “I’ll have whatever he’s been drinking.

Bill is served the same cocktail which he swallows in one and then he attempts to jump off the roof but falls flat on his face on the edge of the roof terrace.

The bartender looks at the guy who’d encouraged Bill to try the cocktail and says, “Dammit, you really are a nuisance to other customers when you’re drunk Superman.

3. Customer needs:

I was in Walmart just before Thanksgiving this year.

A lady was looking through a pile of frozen turkeys but she couldn’t seem to find one big enough for her needs.

I heard her speak with the clerk and she said, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?

No, mam!” he replied. “They’re all dead.”

Well, it made me smile.

4. Generous spirit:

I bumped into a woman outside the shopping mall who was crying because she’s just lost $200.

I felt really sorry for her, so I gave her $50 from the $200 I’d just found.

Well, when God smiles on you, it’s only right that you share your good fortune with those less fortunate than you.

5. Getting things done:

Yesterday, Mary’s husband Jim thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen.

So, naturally, Jim sprayed everything down very carefully and then cleaned the entire kitchen thoroughly from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. Absolutely nothing escaped his cleaning regime. When he’d finished the kitchen sparkled like new.

Today, Mary has put the cockroach in the bathroom.

Moral of the Story: Never, ever underestimate a woman’s cunning.

6. Corny joke of the week:

Last night I saw two cows playing poker whilst smoking a couple of huge spliffs.

Yes, that’s right! The steaks were high.

7. Caught out:

Jane arrived in the office one morning and her boss said to her, “Jane, do you believe in life after death?

Looking slightly puzzled, she responded, “Well, I’m not aware that there’s any proof it exists.

Well, in that case,” her boss said, “you might be interested to know that after you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral, he came into the office looking for you.

8. Last Christmas Joke:

Three buddies had been having more than a few drinks in a series of Manhattan bars on Christmas Eve.

They’re staggering along Broadway trying to cross the street when they’re all hit by a truck and killed.

In the blink of an eye, they find themselves standing in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Gentlemen,” says St Peter, “to get into Heaven at this time of year, you must have something on you that represents Christmas.”

The first guy, Jim, flicks his cigarette lighter and says to St Peter, “The flame represents the light that Christmas brings to our lives.

Very good,” says St Peter. “James, you may make your way through the Pearly Gates.”

The second guy, Stan, jingles his car keys and then says, “They represent the jingle of Santa’s sleigh bells.

Very good,” says St Peter. “Stanley, you may make your way through the Pearly Gates.”

St Peter then looks at the last guy, Mick, who is staggering all over the place and rummaging around in his pockets.

Eventually, Mick pulls out some items of ladies underwear from his jacket pocket and holds them up for St Peter to see,

With a puzzled look on his face, St Peter asks, “Michael, how do these items represent Christmas?

Oh, they’re Carol’s,” said Mick, with a sheepish grin.

funny-jokes-to-tellPlease share these funny jokes to tell:

So dear reader, were any of the funny jokes to tell actually amusing? Did any of them make you smile?

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy funny jokes, so please share this post now.

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Thank you.

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9 short funny jokes that will make you smile

short-funny-jokesLooking for some short funny jokes to cheer you up? Well, here are nine that I am confident might just make you smile. Enjoy them all.

Short Funny Jokes:

1. Communication problem:

Bill is working away from home one winter’s morning and the weather’s very, very cold outside.

Suddenly he receives a text message from his wife, Jane. The message reads, “Windows frozen; won’t open.

Naturally, Bill wants to ensure his wife doesn’t experience any major problems whilst he’s away, so he sends an immediate response. His message reads, “Carefully pour some warm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer.

Thinking he’s done all he needs to do to resolve Jane’s problem, Bill gets on with his busy schedule.

However, within minutes, he gets another message from Jane, which reads, “The computer’s really messed up now!

2. Minor indiscretion:

I was surprised to read a story in today’s newspaper about a guy I’d known at High School.

He was a brilliant, hardworking guy who’d followed his High School years with seven years of medical training. Now it seems, due to one minor indiscretion he’s been struck off.

Apparently, as the article suggested, he’d slept with one of his patients.

Now judge him if you must but, as a result of this indiscretion he can no longer work in a profession he loved and for which he’d trained so hard, so long and at great cost. That seems to me like a complete waste of time, effort and money.

It seems a shame because I always thought he was a really nice guy and, I’m told, he was an absolutely brilliant vet.

3. Lottery winner:

A man asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?

That’s easy,” she replied. “I’d take half of your winnings and then I’d leave you.”

Great!” said the husband. “I won $10, so here’s $5. Stay in touch.”

4. Blond man joke #1:

short-funny-jokesA blond man frantically phones the maternity hospital and shouts down the phone, “My wife’s about to give birth and her contractions are only two minutes apart!

The nurse responds by saying, “Is this her first child?

“No,” shouts the blond man, “I’m her husband.

5. Blond man joke #2:

A blond man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts, “Bill, did you find the shampoo?

Yes,” Bill responds, “but I’m not sure what to do. It says it’s for dry hair but mine is already wet.”

6. Blond man joke #3:

A blond man sees a letter on his doormat one morning. On the envelope, in large letters, it states clearly, DO NOT BEND.

So the guy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how he’s going to pick it up.

7. Family lunch:

Little Johnny’s out one Sunday with his parents having lunch with family.

Everyone’s seated around the table as lunch is being served. When Johnny receives his plate, he starts eating immediately.

Johnny,” said his father, “you should wait until we’ve said a prayer before you begin eating.

No, dad, I don’t have to,” Johnny responds.

Of course you do,” his father insisted. “We always say a prayer when we eat lunch at home, don’t we?

Well, that’s at our house,” Johnny responds, “but we’re at Grandma’s and she knows how to cook.

8. Over the limit:

Jack had been on a very boozy night out with his golf buddies.

When he left the bar he was absolutely steaming drunk.

Unwisely, despite being in a state of inebriation, Jack decided he’d drive home in his own car, rather than getting a cab. Well, he’d been driving for so many years, he was confident he could get the car home safely despite his condition.

So he proceeded along Main Street, driving as carefully as he could.

Suddenly he had to swerve to avoid a tree. Then he had to swerve again to avoid another tree and then another.

Well now, watching proceedings is a Highway Patrolman who decides it’s time to intervene and Jack’s pulled over.

Sir,” said the Highway Patrolman, “can you explain why you were driving erratically along Main Street.”

I’m sorry officer,” Jack responded, slurring his words. “It was the trees in the middle of the road.

The Highway Patrolman frowned and said, “Sir, I have reason to believe you’re inebriated.”

Why?” asked Jack, his speech slurred once again.

Because there are no trees,” the Highway Patrolman responded. “You were dodging your air freshener.

9. Teaching a lesson:

At a High School in Wilmington, Delaware they were experiencing a bit of a problem with the actions of some of the girls.

A number of 16-year-old girls had started to wear lipstick and they would put it on in the girls’ bathroom.

They’d all congregate around the bathroom mirror applying their lipstick of choice and then as they completed the task, they’d kiss the mirror leaving a perfect imprint of their lips for all to see.

Well, needless to say, there were so many lipstick marks that it was all getting a bit messy, to say the least.

More importantly, the janitor was getting fed up having to clean the mirrors at the end of each day, given the lipstick marks were quite hard to remove.

So naturally, the janitor complained to the Principal.

Now the Principal was a wily old girl in her 50s who’d been around the block more than a few times and she knew how to get her students to behave.

One morning she marched into the girls’ bathroom when she knew the girls would be applying their lipstick. In her hand, she was holding a long-handled squeegee.

Ladies,” said the Principal. “The janitor has complained about the mess you’re making of the mirrors. Allow me to demonstrate what the poor man has to do to get them clean.”

With that, she took the squeegee and dipped it into the toilet. She made sure the squeegee was suitably wet and then she proceeded to wipe the mirrors clean.

Since then there haven’t been any lipstick marks on the mirror.

Moral of the Story: There are teachers and then there are educators.

Please share these jokes with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find any of these short funny jokes amusing? Did any of them make you smile?

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy short funny jokes, so please share this post now.

If you could share this post then I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

short-story-jokesDo you like short story jokes? Those little yarns that go on for a while, only for the punchline to pop out of leftfield.  Today I have five little gems which I hope will make you laugh.

Enjoy them all and please share them

Short story jokes:

1. The Dead Duck

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.

But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.

2. Never underestimate an old man

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly, someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.

The wily old-timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!

Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old man.

3. Divine intervention:

For a weekend break, three old college buddies go down to Tijuana, Mexico to enjoy a reunion.

Well, they hadn’t seen each other for quite a few years so the stories were long, the laughs were loud and the booze really did flow that night.

They had such a good time, they all woke up the following morning and found themselves in jail.

None of them could remember anything. However, within a couple of hours, they’re all sentenced to be executed the following day.

The following morning they’re all escorted to death row, where Bill, the first of the group is strapped into the electric chair. Bill’s asked if he’d like to say any words.

Sure,” Bill responds. “I’m from the Catholic University of America and I believe in the power of almighty God. I am innocent and God will intervene.”

The executioner throws the switch but nothing happens.

Well, the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Bill’s forgiveness and release him.

Next up for the chair is Gary. He’s strapped in and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

Well, I’m from Harvard Law School,” says Gary, “and I believe that the power of natural justice will intervene because I’m innocent.

Once again, the executioner throws the switch but nothing happens.

Again the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Gary’s forgiveness and release him.

Finally, Mike’s strapped into the chair and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

Well,” says Mike. “I have a PhD in Electrical Engineering from Massachusetts Institute of Technology and I can tell you now, you won’t be executing anyone if you don’t plug this thing in.

4. Jack the cowboy

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and says to the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

Jack looks at the man, who’s obviously a yuppie, he then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and responds calmly, “Sure, why not?

The yuppie then whips out a very impressive iPhone 11 Pro smartphone from his jacket pocket and begins to surf the NASA website. Simultaneously he uses the GPS satellite to get the exact coordinates of his location. He then feeds that back to Google Earth to capture a high-resolution image of this location.

The young man then opens the digital image in Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Langley, Virginia.

Within seconds, he receives an email to his iPhone 11 Pro to confirm that the image has been processed and the data captured and stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he uses an AirPrint printer located in his car to print out a full-color, 150-page report. He then turns to Jack, hands him the report and says, “Sir, you’ll see from the Executive Summary that you have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.

That’s right,” says Jack. “I guess you can take one of my calves.

Jack then watches with amusement as the young man struggles to get the animal into the trunk of his car.

After a minute or two, Jack says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?

The young man thinks for a second and then he says, “Sure, why not?

You’re a Congressman for the US Government“, says Jack.

Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?

No guessing required son,” Jack responded. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want paying for an answer I already know; to a question, I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how smart you are; and you don’t know a thing about how ordinary, working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. If you did you’d know that this herd is actually a flock of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

5. The old Native American and a $500 loan 

An old Native American man has a need to borrow $500, so he goes to his local bank and asks to speak with the Loans Officer.

The banker welcomes him and then says a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

Buy silver, make jewellery, then sell it,” the man responded.

And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

Well that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?

Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?

Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

How old is it?” the banker enquired.

Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while but eventually, the banker decides to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

Business has been good I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?

Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank,” the banker enquired.

Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

Well, you just put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk and looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?

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3 Side-splitting Jokes about Heaven and Hell

Side-splitting-JokesIf you’re in need of a laugh then take a look at these three side-splitting jokes about Heaven and Hell. They all made me laugh, so I hope they entertain you too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all.

Side-splitting Jokes:

1. Heavenly transportation:

New Yorkers Frank, George and Vinny are killed in a tragic car crash in Manhattan.

The three friends arrive at the entrance to the Pearly Gates and there is St Peter waiting for them.

After the initial pleasantries, St Peter says to them, “Gentlemen, Heaven is an enormous place, so you will need transport to get around. And I have to tell you now that the type of transport you will be allocated will depend on how faithful you were to your wives.

He then turns to Frank and says, “Francis, how faithful were you to your dear wife?

I never strayed once”, says Frank. “From the day we met until my dying day, she was the only woman with whom I slept and I loved her very much.

Most impressive Francis”, says St Peter. “Such fidelity is worthy of a new $13 million Rolls-Royce Sweptail and here are the keys. You’ll find your car in the parking lot just inside the Pearly Gates.

Turning to George, St Peter said, “And how faithful have you been George?

George hesitated momentarily and then said, “I must be honest and tell you that I did have a brief affair with my secretary about 20 years ago. It was the only time I cheated and I did regret it. I love my wife and after that brief lapse I was faithful to her until my dying day.

Very well”, said St Peter. “You made one mistake but otherwise you were of good character. Your reward now is a Chevrolet Bolt. Here are your keys and you’ll find the car in the parking lot inside the Gates.

St Peter then turned to Vinny and said, “So Vincent, were you as well behaved as your friends?

Vinny looked a little embarrassed as he responded. “St Peter, if I’m honest I was a womanizer and I’ve had more sexual encounters than I can remember. However, I did love my wife and I would never have left her.”

St Peter frowned as he spoke in response, “Vincent your behaviour was less than exemplary but you did at least say you loved your wife and you never left her, so that counts for something. Therefore I will give you a top-of-the-range mountain bike to enable you to get around. You’ll find it in the cycle rack inside the Gates.

The three friends then spent the next few weeks travelling around in Heaven getting to know the place.

One day as Vinny was cycling along Heaven’s highway he saw a Rolls Royce Sweptail parked by the side of the road. As he got close, he could see Frank sitting in the driver’s seat sobbing.

Hey buddy, what’s the matter?” said Vinny. “You’ve been driving a beautiful Rolls Royce, what could possibly be wrong?

I know”, said Frank, “but I’ve just seen my wife go past on a skateboard.

2. The reward for a life of sin:

Three drinking buddies, Bill, Jim and Cyril died in a plane crash on the way to Las Vegas and they all found themselves in Hell.

No sooner had they walked through the Gates of Hell than they found themselves staring at a series of doors.

Bill opened the first door and out stepped a really ugly woman, her face covered in hideous warts.

The voice of the Devil then boomed out, “William, you have been a sinner and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this poor woman.

The woman then took Bill by the hand and led him through the door he’d opened to suffer his punishment.

Jim and Cyril naturally were feeling very apprehensive at this point.

However, Jim plucked up the courage to open the second door which revealed a woman who was even uglier than the first one. She was a grinning, toothless hag with a hunched back and a bad case of body odour.

Again the voice of the Devil then boomed out, “James, you too have sinned and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this wretched woman.

The woman then took Jim by the hand and led him through the door to suffer his punishment.

Naturally, at this point, Cyril was a nervous wreck as he was about to open the third door.

He feared the worst, although he knew he hadn’t been much of a sinner so he hoped it wouldn’t be another hag.

Cyril was pleasantly surprised when out stepped a beautiful blond in a very brief bikini.

Wow!” thought Cyril.

Then the Devil’s voice boomed out, “Maria, you have been a sinner so you are condemned to spend eternity with this hideous, wretched man.

Side-splitting-Jokes3. Hoping for a miracle:

Bernard was a deeply religious man and one day he found himself trapped on the roof of his house following a terrible flood after the worst storms in living memory.

After an hour or so a man came by in a boat and shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Soon the water had completely submerged Bernard’s house and it was lapping around his waist.

Suddenly another man came by in a boat and shouted, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by and the water was now lapping around Bernard’s chest.

Yet another boat came along and a man shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Well, the water kept on rising and it was now up around his neck when a helicopter appeared and down came a ladder. The crewman on the ladder shouted to Bernard, “Hey buddy, climb up!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by and the next thing Bernard knew he was standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

At this point, Bernard felt very disheartened as he said to St Peter, “I feel completely let down. I truly believed God would save me.

Be fair”, said St Peter, “We did send you three boats and a helicopter.

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I hope you found these jokes truly side-splitting dear reader.

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10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

hilarious-jokesIf you’re in need of a good laugh and let’s face it, we all need a good laugh, then once again I have a collection of jokes just for you dear reader. Here are 10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

Take a few moments to enjoy this batch of jokes because let’s face it, it would be wrong not to.

And remember; if they have you laughing then please, please share this post with your friends on social media.

Hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh:

1. One man and his talking dog:

Jim walks into a New York bar with his dog Fido.

Jim walks right up to the bar, turns to face the seated customers and says, “This is my dog Fido and believe it or not, he’s a talking dog. If I can demonstrate to you that Fido can answer any of my questions who will buy me a drink?

Listen, buddy, if you can demonstrate that Fido can talk, you can have a drink on the house,” says the bartender.

So Jim turns to Fido and asks, “What goes on the top of a house?

Roof!” Fido responds.

What does tree bark feel like?” asks Jim.

Rough!” says Fido.

Who was the greatest baseball player ever?” asks Jim.

Ruth!” says Fido.

The bartender is really unimpressed with what he’s hearing and he snaps at Jim. “You’re a phoney buddy. We’re not fooled by any of that. You and your dog can get out of here right now. Go on, on your way!

As Jim and his dog are thrown out onto the street, Fido looks sadly at Jim and says. “What did I do wrong? Should I have said, Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle?

2. The thief and the Parrot:

A thief breaks into a house when he thinks no one will be at home.

He’s creeping carefully through the property and as he steps into the lounge he’s stopped dead in his tracks when he suddenly hears someone say very clearly, “Jesus is watching you!

He stands very still for a moment until everything in the house falls silent again. At this point, he moves forward very slowly.

Once again he hears that voice, “Jesus is watching you!

The thief is now frightened out of his wits and he stops once again to focus on locating the voice.

He’s looking around peering into the darkness when he spots a birdcage and in the birdcage is a parrot.

The thief looks the parrot in the eyes and asks, “Was that you who said, ‘Jesus is watching me’?

Yes”, said the parrot.

The thief relaxes and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness for that”, he says to the parrot. “What’s your name?

The family here call me Ronald”, said the parrot.

Ronald? You cannot be serious!” laughs the thief. “What sort of family calls their pet parrot Ronald?

The sort of family that call their ferocious, Rottweiler guard dog Jesus” the parrot responds.

3. Hospital banter:

Five surgeons are taking their lunch break and enjoying a little banter to relax. The conversation moves on quickly to the people they regard as the best patients.

The first surgeon says, “For me, it’s got to be accountants. They are the best people to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, “No, I don’t agree. Librarians have to be the best people on which to operate because everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon thinks for a minute, smiles and then he says, “Sounds like you’ve never operated on an electrician. When you open them up you’ll find everything inside them is colour-coded!

The fourth surgeon laughs and says,” Well personally I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and butts are interchangeable.

The fifth surgeon has been quietly listening to the conversation so far when he’s asked by the others what he thinks.

Well I like to operate on engineers because they’re always very understanding if I find myself with a few parts left over when the job’s done,” he says.

4. Talking dog for sale:

A couple is out for a walk when they notice a large sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.

They are both intrigued by the idea of a talking dog, so they knock on the door and ask if they can take a look at this dog

Sure!” says the owner, “Come on in.

The owner escorts them into the lounge where the dog is lying on the sofa watching television.

Hello,” they say to the dog.

Hello,” the dog responds.

What have you done with your life so far then?” the couple ask the dog.

Well actually I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog.

Really?” says the couple.

Yes really,” says the dog. “I’ve lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I work part-time reading to the residents in a retirement home.

The couple is amazed by this. They can’t believe any dog could have done quite so much.

One of them then asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of this amazing dog?

“Oh, we’re getting rid of him because he’s a liar. He’s not done any of those things” says the owner.

5. Miscommunication:

Jed goes into a public restroom and he’s barely sat down in the cubicle when he hears a voice say, “Hi, how are you?

Feeling a little embarrassed Jed says politely, “Well I guess I’m doing fine thank you!

The voice then responds, “So what are you up to?

Jed is even more embarrassed but once again he responds politely, “Well just like you, I’m sitting here trying to get a load off my mind.

He then hears the voice say, “Hey, can I come over?

Jed is now extremely embarrassed and starting to get slightly irritated too, so he snaps back, “Look, surely you understand I’m a bit busy right now!

At this point, he hears the voice say, “Jane listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next cubicle who keeps responding to all my questions!

6. Two hunters:

Two hunters are out in the woods hunting bears when one of them suddenly collapses.

The other guy checks him over and realises that he’s not breathing and his eyes are a bit glazed. So he grabs his cell phone and immediately calls 911.

I think my friend’s dead!” he yells down the phone with panic in his voice. “What should I do?

Sir, if you can just calm down I’ll help you,” says the operator calmly. “Let’s just make sure he’s dead first.

There’s then a moment of silence, followed by what is clearly a gunshot.

Back on the phone, the guy then says to the operator, “Right, now what?

7. Cosmetic surgery:

Jill, a middle-aged woman, is having surgery in hospital following a severe heart attack when she has a vision of God by her bedside.

Will I die God?” she asks.

To which God responds, “No my dear, you still have 30 more years to live yet.

Well if she’s got 30 more years to look forward to and since she’s in hospital anyway, Jill decides she might as well make the most of her operation.

So she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a hair transplant, and collagen injections in her lips. When it’s all finished and the bruises have healed she looks absolutely stunning and 10 years younger.

The day she’s discharged from the hospital, she leaves the hospital with a real spring in her step. Feeling very good about her makeover, Jill steps into the street and is immediately knocked down by an ambulance and killed.

As she steps through the Pearly Gates, Jill sees God and decides to complain. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she says to God.

Well that’s true,” says God.

So what happened?” Jill asks.

To which God shrugs and says, “I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you.

8. Kids are smarter than you think:

A young boy walks into a barber’s shop and the barber whispers to the customer to whom he’s currently attending, “This kid has got to be the dumbest kid in the world. Watch and I’ll prove it to you.

The barber then puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then he says to the boy, ‘Hey kid, which do you want the dollar bill or the quarters?’

The boy decides to take the quarters and then he leaves the shop.

What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That dumb kid never learns!

Later, when the customer is leaving the barber’s shop he sees the same kid coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, kid! May I ask you a question?” asks the customer. “Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licks his ice cream for a moment before saying, “Because the day I take the dollar bill the game is over!

9. Classmates:

While waiting for her first appointment with her new dentist, Jane notices his degree certificate on the wall, which includes his full name.

Suddenly, Jane remembers a tall, handsome boy from her High School class some 45 years ago who had exactly the same name. Naturally, she wonders whether this can be the same guy.

However, upon seeing him, she quickly dismisses any such thought. Surely this ageing, balding, grey-haired old man with a deeply lined face could not possibly be one of her old High School classmates?

After he had finished examining her teeth, Jane decides to ask him whether he attended the local high school.

Yes,” he replied.

That’s amazing. What year did you graduate then?” Jane asks.

In 1973” he responds.

Amazing, you were in my class!” Jane exclaims.

He looks at her closely and then asks, “What subject did you teach?

10. The Monastery:

Every ten years in the Monastery, the monks were allowed to break their vow of silence to speak just two words.

With ten years gone by, Brother Michael gets his first chance to speak.

He thinks for a second and then says, “Food bad.

Another ten years go by and again Brother Michael has an opportunity to speak briefly and on this occasion, he says, “Bed hard.

A further decade later, it’s the big day once more. However this time Brother Michael gives the head monk a long stare before saying, “I quit.

To which the head monk responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.

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So did these hilarious jokes make you laugh out loud? Were they all you hoped they’d be dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

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5 priceless jokes that will have you roaring with laughter

Priceless-JokesLooking for some priceless jokes? Well, how about these five little gems? They all made me smile and I hope they brighten up your day. Enjoy them all.

Priceless Jokes:

1. Populating the Earth:

One day God said to Adam, “It’s nearly time for you and Eve to begin populating Earth. So I want you to kiss her.

I don’t understand”, said Adam. “What does to kiss mean?

God understood that it was all new to Adam so patiently he explained to Adam what was required of him.

Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods. A little while later they emerged and Adam said, “That was most enjoyable.

I thought you might say that,” said God, “so now I want you to caress her.

But what does caress mean?” Adam asked.

So God provided Adam with a brief explanation again.

Again Adam took Eve by the hand and they disappeared into the woods once more.

Soon they returned and Adam smiled and said, “That was even better.

Good”, said God. “You’ve done well. So now I want you to make love to Eve.

Again Adam was a little perplexed. “What does make love mean?” said Adam.

So God gave Adam another explanation and Adam then took Eve by the hand back into the woods.

This time Adam emerged from the woods alone within seconds looking puzzled.

He looked at God and said, “Lord, what’s a headache?

2. The customer’s compulsion:

A man walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a glass of white wine.

He took a sip of the wine and then he hurled the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

Oh, I’m really sorry”, he said. “I keep doing that to bartenders. It’s a compulsion and I find it extremely embarrassing.

The bartender was an amiable fellow and he was sympathetic to the man’s problem, despite the provocation.

As he wiped his face, he suggested the man see an analyst about his problem.

Hey, another customer of mine is a psychiatrist with an excellent reputation. My brother and my wife both use him and they say he’s the best there is,” said the bartender.

About three months later the man returned to the bar again.

The bartender remembered him immediately. As he poured the man a glass of white wine he said, “Good to see you, buddy. Did you do what I suggested?

Yes I certainly did”, said the man. “I’ve been seeing the psychiatrist you recommended for two sessions every week.

He then took a sip of his wine and again threw the rest of the glass into the bartender’s face.

As he wiped his face with a towel the flustered bartender spluttered, “That doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.

On the contrary,” said the man. “He’s done me the world of good.

But you’ve just thrown wine in my face again,” responded the bartender.

Yes, but I’m not embarrassed by it anymore,” said the man.

3. The sooty tern:

One day a young sooty tern was flying over the sea with its parents when the mummy bird ran into a cliff and dropped to the ground.

Oblivious to his mate’s fate, the daddy tern flew on, but the young bird swooped to the foot of the cliff in a bid to save her.

Alas, the mummy tern was already dead and the tearful young bird was taken under the wing of a family of seagulls.

A week later, the head of the seagull family announced, “You’re a well-behaved bird but I’m afraid we can’t keep you. However, we’re going to find a tern that can adopt you and act as a replacement mother.

So the seagull put an ad in the local paper which read, “One good tern deserves a mother.

4. Difficult customer:

A man walked into a smart Downtown bar and sat on a stool at the counter.

Sir, what can I get you to drink?” said the bartender. “A beer maybe? We’ve got an excellent special brew on offer this evening.

I’m sorry,” replied the man haughtily. “I don’t drink alcohol. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t touched a drop since.

The bartender tried to engage the man in friendly conversation by offering him a cigar.

You can’t smoke it in here,” said the bartender, “but perhaps you can enjoy it later.

No thank you,” said the man with a sneer. “I don’t smoke. I tried it once but I didn’t like it and I haven’t smoked since.

Again the bartender attempted a little banter but the man was having none of it.

Listen,” he said. “I appreciate you’re merely trying to be sociable but the fact is I wouldn’t even be in this place at all but for the fact that I’m meeting my son here.

That would be your only child, I presume?” the bartender remarked philosophically.

priceless-jokes5. Lady in the Casino:

The Las Vegas casino was virtually deserted and two male dealers at the craps table were idling away their time in the hope that business might soon improve.

Suddenly a stunningly attractive, buxom woman appeared and said she wanted to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

Certainly mam,” said one of the dealers, happy to relieve the boredom.

There’s just one thing though,” said the woman.

What’s that?” said the dealer.

Well I hope you don’t mind,” said the woman, “but playing topless always brings me luck. There’s hardly anyone about, so I’ll take off my blouse and bra before I roll the dice.

She then quickly removed those garments exposing her ample assets and threw the dice, before yelling “I’ve won! I can’t believe it! I’ve won!

She then scooped up all the money, picked up her clothes and disappeared in an instant.

The two dealers were stunned. “What did she roll?” asked one.

I don’t know,” said the other. “I thought you’d be watching the dice!

Please share with your friends:

So did these prove to be the priceless jokes you’d hoped for dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

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3 hilarious short story jokes guaranteed to raise a smile

hilarious-short-story-jokesDear reader, are you in need of a laugh? Then how about these 3 hilarious short story jokes guaranteed to raise a smile? They will have you howling with laughter. Well, they certainly made me laugh, so I hope they brighten your day too.

Hilarious short story jokes:

1. Getting married in Heaven:

A young Catholic couple, Patrick and Bernadette, were on their way to the church to get married. Sadly their lives were cruelly cut short by a road traffic accident just before they would have reached their destination.

Nevertheless, they’d lived good and decent lives, so naturally, in an instant, they found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter as he reviewed a clipboard to confirm their names were on the list.

As they stood there, Patrick said to St Peter, “Will it still be possible for us to get married in Heaven?

To be honest, I’m not sure”, said St Peter. “Believe it or not, this has never happened before. If you’ll bear with me, I will check it out for you.

With that, St Peter disappeared.

So Patrick and Bernadette sat down on a nearby golden bench and they waited. And waited, and waited, and waited. They waited so long that a couple of months passed.

Naturally, in that time they chatted about their future and the challenges of being married and the fact that many of their friends who’d married found it wasn’t always forever. Circumstances often change and relationships can suffer.

Eventually, St Peter reappeared looking a little flustered.

Well”, said St Peter, “I have some good news for you both. I’m pleased to be able to tell you that you will be to get married here in Heaven.”

Oh, that’s great!” said Bernadette enthusiastically.

Patrick wasn’t quite so enthusiastic in his reaction though.

St Peter, I was just wondering”, said Patrick, “If we were to marry and things didn’t work out, would we be able to divorce in Heaven?”

St Peter’s response suggested that he was irritated by Patrick’s question, as he slammed his clipboard angrily on the ground.

St Peter, what’s the matter?” Bernadette enquired.

Oh, for Heaven’s sake!” said St Peter. “It’s taken me almost three months to find a priest here in Heaven. Do you have any idea how long it will take me to find a lawyer?

2. Age problems:

Jim was 85 years old and he’d been playing golf every single day since he’d retired from work 20 years earlier.

One day Jim arrives home from golf and he’s obviously in an agitated state.

What’s the matter dear?” his wife, Mabel enquired.

I’m going to give up golf”, Jim responded. “My eyesight is now so bad that once I hit the ball I just can’t see where it’s gone.”

Mabel can see Jim’s really upset so she tries to be as sympathetic as possible.

Oh don’t worry dear. Let me make you a nice cup of coffee. You’ll feel better after that I’m sure”, she says.

As they both sit down with their coffee, Mabel says suddenly, “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Next time you play golf you could take my brother Sid with you.

But Mabel, how will that help?” says Jim, “Sid is 98!

Yes”, says Mabel, “but he still has perfect eyesight. He can be your eyes when you play.

So Jim agrees it’s probably worth a try and he makes arrangements with Sid for the next day.

The next day Jim heads off to the country club with Sid.

At the first tee, Jim tees up with an almighty swing and he then squints down the fairway trying to see where his ball has gone.

Sid, did you see where my ball went?” asks Jim.

Sure!” says Sid. “I still have perfect eyesight.”

Jim waited momentarily, anticipating some further information from Sid but he got nothing.

So where did it go then?” asks Jim.

Sid looked at him a little confused and then said, “Where did what go?

hilarious-short-story-jokes3. One kiss:

Alice was an attractive young woman and she was shopping in a department store looking to buy material for a dress she was making.

At the fabric counter, she spotted some suitable material and said to the young male clerk behind the counter, “What’s the cost of this material please?”

Well miss the price for that is just one kiss per yard,” replied the clerk, with a confident grin on his face.

That’s fine,” said Alice. “I’ll take ten yards please.”

Well, the clerk couldn’t believe his luck. He quickly measured out the cloth, folded it carefully, wrapped it up, then teasingly held the package out to Alice.

She in turn accepted the package, smiled and then, pointing to the elderly man behind her, she said, “My grandpa will settle the bill.

And with that, she proceeded to browse at the next counter.

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