3 funny jokes to tell your friends to make them laugh

funny-jokes-to-tell-your-friendsIf you’re looking for some funny jokes to tell your friends then look no further. Here are three little gems that are guaranteed to raise a smile.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. Challenging times:

When Jim arrived home one day, he was met at his front door by his wife, Elaine. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

What’s the matter, honey?” asked Jim.

It’s the pharmacist,” Elaine responded. “He insulted me terribly when I spoke with him on the phone earlier.”

Naturally, Jim drove downtown immediately to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before Jim could say more than a few words the pharmacist interrupted him.

Sir, please just listen to my side of the story first,” said the pharmacist.

Go on then, I’m listening,” said Jim sharply.

Well, this morning,” said the pharmacist, “my alarm failed to go off and so I was late getting up. I missed breakfast and hurried to my car. However, as I slammed my front door, I then realised that it had locked with the keys to the house and the car inside. So, I had to break a window to get back in the house to get my keys.

But how does that explain the way you spoke to my wife,” asked Jim.

Sir, I’m getting to that,” said the pharmacist. “Naturally, having broken a window, I had to board it up before I left. That made me even later. So, I was speeding in my car, in an attempt to make up the time, but a cop stopped me and I got a speeding ticket. Then three blocks from my store I got a flat tire.

So, you were unfortunate, so what?” Jim responds.

I lost more time changing the wheel on my car,” the pharmacist continued, “and then when I got to my store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open. They were unhappy but I served them as quickly as I could, despite their moaning at me, and all the time the phone was ringing off the hook.”

Fine, but how does that explain your treatment of my wife,” asks Jim.

Well, the pressure didn’t end there,” the pharmacist continued. “To give a customer change, I had to break a roll of nickels but they spilt out of my hands, all over the floor. I get down on my knees to pick up all the nickels and the phone is still ringing. Then, I’m getting up off my knees only to crack my head on the open cash register. I then fell backwards against I showcase of expensive perfume bottles. They all hit the floor and there was glass smashed everywhere. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing.

So, what did you do then,” asked Jim.

Well, finally, I had no choice but to answer the phone,” said the pharmacist. “It was your wife and she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And I can honestly say mister, all I did was tell her!

2. Misunderstanding:

My wife and I were all dressed up and ready to go out for an evening of dinner and theatre. However, having been burgled previously, naturally, we were security conscious. So we turned on a night light and put our cat out in the backyard.

When our cab arrived, we were walking out of our front door when our cat Milly shot back in again and ran up the stairs.

Unfortunately, Milly liked to chase our pet parakeet, so the two of them couldn’t be left alone in the house together.

So, my wife went back into the house to catch the cat and put it back outside again.

Naturally, security-conscious as ever, I didn’t want the cab driver to know our house would be empty, so I told him that my wife had just gone inside momentarily to say good night to her mother.

A few minutes later my wife got into the cab looking very hot and bothered.

Sorry, it took so long,” she said. “The stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out. Then she tried to take off again, so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard. So, she’d better not crap on my vegetable garden whilst we’re out!

The look on the cab driver’s face was priceless.

3. Communication breakdown:

Judge Bernstein was interviewing an elderly lady regarding her pending divorce.

So, Mrs Thompson,” said Judge Bernstein, “what are the grounds for your divorce?

About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by,” replied Mrs Thompson.

No,” he said the judge, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?

Oh,” Mrs Thompson responded, “it’s made of wood, slate, brick and mortar.”

No, no,” said the judge, “I mean, what are your relations like?

Well,” she Mrs Thompson, “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my husband.

Mrs Thompson, do you have a real grudge?” the judge asked warily.

No, your honour,” replied Mrs Thompson. “We have a two-car carport.”

The judge tried once again, “Please, Mrs Thompson, is there any infidelity in your marriage?

Yes,” said Mrs Thompson. “Both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”

Mam, please,” said the judge. “Does your husband ever beat you up?

Yes,” said Mrs Thompson. “He gets up earlier than I do on Saturdays when he’s playing golf.

Finally, the judge cannot contain his frustration any longer.

Lady, why do you want a divorce?” he asks.

Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” Mrs Thompson replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he can’t communicate with me!

Please share this post with your friends:

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I hope so anyway.

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So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I’ll be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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