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9 funny short story jokes to make you laugh

06/27/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny short story jokes to make you laugh, then I think I have nine excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

If you love a good laugh, then I’m confident some of these will tickle your fancy.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Funny short story jokes to make you laugh:

1. The funeral cortège:

Bill was walking along Main Street when he saw a funeral cortège, so he stopped for a moment as a mark of respect.

He noticed that there were two hearses with coffins in the cortège, and the procession was being followed by a man walking solemnly with a pit bull terrier on a leash.

And behind him, there was a long line of about 100 men walking quietly in single file.

Curious Bill spoke to the man with the dog and asked, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t want to intrude on this sad occasion, but your situation seems a little unusual. Whose funeral is this?”

“Well”, the man replied, “The first hearse is for my late wife. She died after this dog attacked her.”

“And the second hearse?” said Bill.

“The second hearse is for my late mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife during the attack, and the dog savaged her to death too”, the man responded.

Bill thought momentarily about the challenges in his own life, and then he said to the man, “Is there any chance I could borrow your dog after the funeral?”

The man smiled and pointed to the line of men behind him and said, “You’ll have to join the queue, buddy.”

2. The power of prayer:

Jackie was invited to give a talk at her local women’s group about the power of prayer.

With her husband Mike in the audience, she recalled how a few short months ago she’d turned to God when poor Mike had suffered an unfortunate accident.

“Six months ago”, Jackie began, “my husband Mike was knocked off his motorcycle and his scrotum was smashed.”

Jackie explained that for Mike, the pain had been unbearable, and his doctors weren’t sure they’d be able to help him.

“The doctors warned us that our lives might never be the same again”, said Jackie. “I can tell you I was scared. Mike was unable to get close to me or the children because every move caused him such extreme discomfort. And that meant he could no longer be touched around the scrotum.”

Jackie paused momentarily to allow the audience to absorb her words.

Then she said, “I’m not ashamed to say I turned to God for help, and I prayed that the doctors would be able to repair Mike.”

Again, she paused and then said, “Fortunately, our prayers were answered, and the doctors were able to piece together the remnants of Mike’s scrotum with wire holding everything in place. His medical team tell me that he will make a full recovery and regain the full use of his scrotum.”

As the audience burst into applause, a lone man walked slowly up to the stage and said, “Hello, I’m Mike, Jackie’s husband, and I just wanted to remind my wife once again that the word is ‘sternum’.”

3. Discovering facts:

As part of her rehabilitation, a patient in a mental hospital was told by her psychiatrist to go out into the nearby town and discover one new fact.

Off she went, and then a few hours later, the patient returned to the hospital to tell the psychiatrist all about what she had learned.

So said her psychiatrist, “Were you able to find out something you didn’t know before?”

“Yes”, said the patient, “I discovered that spiders have ears on their legs.”

“Ears on their legs?” said the psychiatrist. “How did you work that out?”

The patient produced a matchbox and when opened a large spider crawled out onto the psychiatrist’s desk.

The patient then said “Boo!”

The spider scurried quickly across the desktop.

The patient then grabbed the spider and proceeded to pull off all its legs.

She then put it back on the desk and once again said, “Boo!”

Naturally, the spider was motionless.

The patient looked at the psychiatrist, smiled and then said, “Do you see? Without its legs, it can’t hear me.”

4. Jogging Rick’s Memory:

Rick had spent several weeks searching for a new hat that resembled the one he had misplaced.

Finally, he remembered a man who attended his local church who wore a similar hat.

So, Rick decided to go to church on Sunday. He thought that if he sat at the back, during the service, he could sneak out and grab the hat from the rack near the door if he left early.

During the service, Rick sat at the back and listened to the sermon about the Ten Commandments.

Despite his cunning plan, Rick sat and listened to the entire sermon, and instead of sneaking out early, he waited until Mass was over and spoke to the priest as he was leaving.

“Hello, Father,” said Rick. “Believe it or not, I came here today with a plan to steal a hat to replace the one I’d lost. But after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I changed my mind.”

In response, Father O’Riley smiled benevolently and said, “Bless you, my son. Was it when I started to preach ‘Thou shalt not steal’ that changed your mind?”

“No, Father,” Rick responded. “It was when you mentioned the one about adultery. As you started to preach that, I remembered where I’d left my hat.”

5. Old remedies:

Jack walked into a pharmacy and said to the pharmacist, “Excuse me, sir, do you have anything for hiccups?“

The pharmacist walked from behind the counter, appeared to reach for something high on a shelf, and then he suddenly slapped Jack hard on the back.

He smiled at Jack and then said, “There! Did that help?“

“I can’t tell from here,” said Jack. “It’s my wife with the problem, and she’s waiting outside in the car.“

6. Unpaid debt:

Bert is in a dispute with his neighbour, and he goes to see a lawyer for help.

“How can I help you?” asks the lawyer.

“Well, sir,” says Bert, “my neighbour borrowed $500 and now he won’t pay it back. So, what can I do?“

“Do you have any proof that he owes you this money?” asks the lawyer.

“Unfortunately, no,” says Bert. “We used to be friends, and I thought I could trust him.“

“Right,” says the lawyer, “I suggest that I write him a letter, enclosing a stamped, addressed return envelope, requesting the $5,000 that he owes you.“

“But he’ll say that it’s only $500,” says Bert.

“Exactly!” says the lawyer. “That way we’ll have an admission of guilt should it go to court.”

Moral of the Story: A good lawyer won’t let a lack of evidence get in the way of fighting a case.

7. Windfall:

Wally and Mildred are an elderly couple celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

They had been childhood sweethearts, and they had recently moved back to the neighbourhood where they grew up.

Holding hands, they walked around the area, and they decided to go back and visit their old school.

The school wasn’t locked, but the classes had gone home for the day.

So, they entered and walked around. Unbelievably, they found their old classroom and the old wooden desk they had shared, on which Wally had carved, “I love Mildred Jones.”

As they were leaving the school campus, an armoured security van drove past and, as it did so, a large bag of money fell out, practically landing at their feet.

Now, there was no one around, so Mildred grabbed it quickly. As they were unsure what to do with it, they decided to take it home.

Once home, Mildred decided she’d sit and count the money. Very quickly, she realised that the bag contained $100,000.

Wally was an honest man and felt that they should return it.

“Nonsense!” said Mildred. “Surely, it’s finders’ keepers. And anyway, we could use a little extra money.”

With that, Mildred put the money back in the bag and hid it in the loft.

The next day, Mildred answered a knock on her front door, and two police officers were standing in front of her.

“Good morning, mam,” said one of the police officers. “We’re investigating the disappearance of a cash bag that fell from a security van yesterday. Did you or your husband see anything?”

Mildred smiled demurely and said, “No, officer.”

At this point, Wally’s conscience got the better of him, and he said, “She’s lying, officer. She’s got the money, and she hid it up in the loft.“

Once again, Mildred smiled demurely and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s getting senile, and his imagination runs away with him at times.”

“Well, not so fast,” the police officer says. “I think we should listen to what he has to say.”

With that, the officer turns to Wally and says, “Sir, can you tell us the story from the beginning?“

“Well,” said Wally, “when Mildred and I were walking home from school yesterday.“

The two police officers look at each other, and one says, “Let’s go, there’s nothing to see here.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with women of a certain age. You won’t win.

8. The admiral and the general:

A Navy admiral and an Army general were fishing together on a lake one day when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Not being quite as fit as they once were, both men were floundering helplessly in the water.

However, eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber back on board.

He then rescued the admiral from drowning by reaching out to him with one of the oars and then hauling him back in.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he struggled for a few seconds to regain his composure.

Then he said, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If anyone in the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

The general smiled and said, “Don’t worry, buddy, your secret’s safe with me. I’d hate for my troops to find out that I couldn’t walk on water.”

9. The origin of the species:

As she was getting ready for school one morning, Grace asked her mother, “How did the human race appear, Mom?”

“Well”, said her mother, “God made Adam and Eve, and they had children, and that’s how we all began, dear.”

Two days later, Grace asked her father the same question.

“Well”, said her father, “first there were apes and from them, the human race has evolved.”

Naturally, these responses left Grace a little confused.

So once again, she spoke with her mother and said, “Mom, I don’t understand. You said that we were created by God but dad says we evolved from apes. How can that be?”

Her mother smiled and said, “Well, darling, it’s all very simple. I was telling you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.”

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21 funny short story jokes you’ll just love

06/24/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today, I offer you some funny short story jokes, dear reader. I’m confident they’ll make you smile, and I’m sure you’ll have to share them with your friends.

If you enjoy funny short story jokes, you’ll enjoy these.

So grab a coffee, relax and take a few moments to enjoy this veritable joke file that will brighten your day.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Funny Short Story Jokes:

1. Billy wants to get married:

Young Billy returned home one evening for dinner after spending the afternoon playing with his little friend Mary, who lived next door.

Naturally, his parents asked him what he’d been doing all afternoon.

“We played soccer for a while, and then I proposed to Mary,” he said.

Not wishing to belittle him, his mom and dad went along with the idea, but his dad thought a little fatherly advice might be appropriate at this point.

“Billy, being married is an expensive business,” said his dad. “How will you both manage?”

“Well,” said Billy, “with the $5 I get from you for pocket money each week and the $5 she gets from her folks, I think we’ll manage. And I can always take on a paper route to earn extra cash.”

Suppressing a strong desire to burst out laughing, his mother said, “That’s all very well, Billy, but how will you and Mary manage if you were to have a baby?”

“Well,” said Billy, “we’ve been lucky to avoid that so far.”

2. Ben goes to the pool:

Young Ben and his friends went to the local swimming pool for the afternoon.

They were playing around as kids do when the lifeguard shouted at Ben, “Hey, kid, you’re not allowed to pee in the pool!”

“But everyone pees in the pool,” Ben responded.

“Maybe so, kid,” said the lifeguard, “but not from the high diving board.”

3. Knock, Knock:

An elderly man was walking down the street one day when he observed a small boy struggling to reach the doorbell at one of the houses.

The kindly old man said to the boy, “Can I help you with that, sonny?”

At which point he smiled and placed a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder whilst pressing the doorbell firmly with his other hand.

“There,” said the old man as he stepped back from the door. “Now, what do we do, young man?”

“We run like hell, mister,” the boy replied.

4. Potato family:

A family of potatoes sat down to dinner.

There was a mom potato, a dad potato, and three daughter potatoes.

The oldest daughter said, “I have some exciting news! I’m getting married!“

Well, there was an excited response around the dinner table.

“Oh, we’re so happy for you!” said dad potato, “Who’s the lucky guy?“

“He’s an Idaho potato,” his daughter responded.

“That’s wonderful news,” said mom potato. “Idaho potatoes are solid, salt-of-the-earth types. Real hard workers.“

The middle daughter then spoke, “Wow, what a coincidence. I also just received a proposal, too.“

Again, there was a buzz of excitement around the table

“And who proposed to you?” asked mom potato.

“He’s a sweet potato,” said the daughter.

“That’s wonderful,” said sad dad potato. “Sweet potatoes are known for their kindness and gentleness. He will take great care of you.“

Well, now the third daughter felt it was time to have her say, “Mom and Dad, I’m getting married, too!“

“Oh, my goodness, all three of my daughters are getting hitched at the same time,” exclaimed dad potato. “Who is your future husband?“

“Dan Rather,” said the youngest daughter potato.

A hush fell over the table. The parents and two older daughters looked awkwardly down at their plates.

“What’s wrong with Dan Rather?” asked the youngest daughter potato.

“Well, honey,” said the dad, “he’s just a common tater.”

5. Washing the dog:

Little Johnny went into the store, and after some searching around, he picked out a large box of laundry detergent.

Having observed Johnny for a few minutes, the store assistant asked him whether he had a lot of laundry to do.

“No,” said Johnny, “I’m not doing any laundry. I’m going to wash my little dog.”

The store assistant frowned at him and said, “Listen, sonny, that’s a powerful detergent and far too strong for washing a small dog. It could make him ill or perhaps even kill him if you’re not careful.”

Undeterred, Little Johnny said he’d take the detergent anyway, and then he paid the man and left the store.

A week later, Little Johnny was back in the store to buy a Hershey bar. The store assistant saw him and said, “Hey Johnny, how’s your little dog?”

“Oh, he died,” said Little Johnny.

“I’m sorry to hear that, son, but I did warn you about that detergent,” the store assistant replied.

“I don’t think it was the detergent,” said Little Johnny.

“Really?” said the store assistant. “So what was it then?”

“He looked like he was coping very well until the washing machine went into the spin cycle,” Little Johnny replied.

6. Man of the house:

Bill Smith was a hen-pecked husband who was tired of being bossed around by his domineering wife.

After giving it some thought, Bill decided to visit a psychiatrist for help.

The psychiatrist asked Bill a few questions and then said, “Mr Smith, you need to improve your self-esteem and become more assertive.”

“And how do I do that?” asked Bill.

“Read this book,” said the psychiatrist, “and use it as your guide.”

With that, the psychiatrist gave Bill his book on assertiveness.

Bill started reading the book on this way home, and he’d completed it by the time he reached his house.

Fizzing with ideas on how he could be more assertive, Bill stormed into the house and walked straight up to his wife.

“From now on,” said Bill, jabbing his finger at his wife, “I want you to know that I am the man of the house, and my word is law!”

His wife was momentarily speechless.

So, Bill continued, “I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterwards. You got that?”

A little surprised, his wife remained speechless but was growing increasingly irritated.

Bill carried on, “After dinner, I expect you to run a bath for me so that I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?“

Having regained her composure, Bill’s wife looked him in the eye with a steely glint and said, “A funeral director?“

7. Skydiving:

Jim was excited that he had finally achieved a long-held ambition to attend a skydiving course.

The instructor on the course had completed his presentation and was now ready for the question-and-answer session with his new students.

Naturally, Jim was enthusiastic and immediately raised his hand to indicate he had a question.

“Sir, you said our initial jump will be from 3,500 feet,” said Jim.

“That’s correct,” the instructor responded.

“So, can I ask,” Jim continued, “if my parachute fails to open, and my reserve chute also fails to deploy, how long would I have before I hit the ground?“

The instructor smiled at him and then said, “I’d say, you’d have the rest of your life, Jim.”

8. The confessional box:

Sean Murphy goes into the confessional box at St Patrick’s Church after many, many years of being away from his Catholic faith.

Sean pulls aside the curtain, enters the box and sits down.

He’s impressed. Things have improved since his last visit to church. There’s a fully equipped bar, as well as cigars and liqueur chocolates. On the wall, there are some fine photographs of some very nice-looking women.

He waits for a few minutes, and then he hears the priest enter.

“Forgive me, Father, but it’s been a very long time since I last attended confession,” says Sean. “And let me say, the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.“

“Get out, you idiot,” Father O’Riley replies. “You’re on my side!“

9. Government experts:

Once upon a time, there was a King who wanted to go fishing. So, he summoned the royal meteorologist and asked whether there would be any rain that day.

The meteorologist assured the King that there wouldn’t be any rain and that it would be a good day for him to go fishing with the Queen.

So, the King and Queen left the palace and made the journey down to the river.

On their way to the river, the King and Queen met a farmer with his donkey.

When he saw the Royal couple, the farmer said, “Your Majesties, I think you should return to the palace at once, there is going to be a lot of rain in a short time.”

The king was polite, and he appreciated that the farmer was well-intentioned. However, he replied: “I hold the royal meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated man and highly skilled in meteorology. I pay him high wages for his knowledge and skills, and he assured me there would be no rain. I trust him and I will continue on my way.”

“Very well,” the farmer responded, and he stood aside to let the King and Queen go on their way.

However, it wasn’t long before the heavens opened, and a torrential rainstorm ensued.

The King and Queen were soaked, and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a pitiful condition.

Naturally, the King was furious. He summoned the meteorologist and fired him on the spot.

The next day, he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious role of royal meteorologist.

The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I am a humble farmer. I know nothing about meteorology and weather forecasting. I get my information from my donkey. If I see his ears drooping, it means it will rain heavily.”

The King thought about the situation momentarily and then hired the donkey on the spot.

And so began the ancient practice of government hiring donkeys to work in the highest and most influential positions.

10. Personal hygiene:

Jake has just started a new job as a clerk in a department store, on the underwear counter.

On his first day, a man walks in and says, “Two pairs of underpants, please.”

Jake finds that a little strange and says, “Only two pairs of underpants, sir?“

“That’s right,” says the guy. “I wear one while the other pair is being washed.”

Jake looks on in disgust, but he completes the transaction, and the guy goes on his way.

Later that morning, another guy walks in and says, “Can I have five pairs of underwear, please?”

“Just five?” Jake queries.

“Yeah, that’s right,” says the guy. “I wear one pair every weekday, but at weekends I go commando.”

Jake shakes his head in amazement but then says, philosophically, “Well, at least that’s better than my last customer.” The transaction’s completed, and the guy goes on his way.

Before long, Jake has another customer.

The guy says, “Can I have seven pairs of underwear, please?“

Jake is impressed and exclaims, “Finally, a man with standards!”

“That’s right,” says the guy. “One for every day, and I do my laundry every Sunday.”

The transaction is completed after a brief exchange about hygiene, and the guy goes on his way.

Towards the end of the afternoon, in walks Bubba, the hillbilly.

“Can I have 12 pairs of underwear, please?” Bubba asks.

“Wow!” says Jake, “You’re even more hygienic than my last customer.”

“That’s right,” says Bubba. “I change my underwear every month, whether I need to or not, and I do my washing once a year.”

11. Misreading the signals:

Seamus walks into a Dublin bar and orders three pints of Guinness. When he’s been served, he sits at a table in the corner of the bar and proceeds to drink all three pints.

When he’s finished, he returns to the bar and orders three more pints.

The bartender says, “You know the Guinness starts going flat the minute it’s poured, so you’d be better off ordering them one at a time if you’re going to drink them.”

“Well now,” Seamus responds, “I have two brothers, one is in America and the other is in Australia. And I am here in Dublin. When we left home, we promised we would drink together in this way.”

“Aye, well that’s grand,” says the bartender, and he serves Seamus his drinks without another word.

Seamus followed this approach every day in the bar for months.

One day, though, Seamus walks in and orders only two pints.

Well, the bartender and all the regulars in the bar can’t help but notice, and the place falls silent.

When Seamus returns to the bar for another two pints, the bartender says, “Seamus, I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I just wanted to offer you my condolences on your loss.”

Seamus looks at him, a little confused momentarily, before the penny drops and he begins to laugh.

“Oh Jeez,” says Seamus. “Everyone’s grand! It’s just me. I decided to quit drinking!“

12. Guilty conscience:

Jim is standing in line in the supermarket, waiting to pay for his groceries.

As he stood there, he noticed a beautiful woman waving, smiling and saying hello to him.

Having beautiful women wave at him was not an experience with which he was familiar, and he’s not sure who she is, so he says, “I’m sorry mam, but do we know each other?”

The woman replies, “Well, I’m not completely sure, but I think you might be the father of one of my children!“

This throws Jim into a mild panic, as he wonders whether this could have been the result of that one-night stand he had during the drunken guys’ weekend in Vegas.

Eventually, Jim plucks up the courage to ask the question that was on his mind: “Did we meet at the blackjack table at the MGM Grand in Vegas?”

“No,” the woman replies, “I’m your son’s math teacher.”

13. The old folks’ home:

At the Happy Valley Nursing Home, a group of elderly folks are sitting around discussing their ailments.

“My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee,” said Jim.

“Yes, I know,” said Betty. “My cataracts are so bad I can’t even see my coffee.“

“Well,” said Martha, “I couldn’t even mark an ‘X’ at election time, my hands are so crippled.”

“What’s that?” said Bert. “Speak up. I can’t hear you.”

“I can’t turn my head because I’ve got arthritis in my neck,” said Beryl,

They all nodded in recognition of Beryl’s problem.

“Well,” said Jack, “my blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!“

“I forget where I am, and where I’m going,” said Jeff, an octogenarian who looks even older than his years.

“I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” said Mabel, philosophically, as she slowly shook her head.

They all nodded in agreement.

“Well, we should count our blessings,” said Albert, “at least, we can all still drive.“

14. Use what you’ve got:

Vic and Dave were best friends, and both were deaf. One morning, they’re chatting with sign language during their coffee break, having both been out late drinking the night before.

Laughing and joking about their late drinking session, Vic says to Dave, “Well, my wife, Jane, was fast asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed without any trouble.“

“Jeez,” said Dave, “you were lucky. My wife, Barbara, was wide awake, waiting up for me in bed. The minute I entered the bedroom, she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.”

“Oh, buddy, that’s awful,” Vic responded. “So, what did you do?“

Dave smiled and then said, “I just turned out the bedroom light.”

15. The Repair:

Rick’s wife, Victoria, had a tear in her dress, and she took it to a dressmaker for repair.

Victoria asked Rick to collect it for her on his way home from work.

Rick did as requested and collected it, but he was in a hurry, so he didn’t have time to check it.

The following morning, Victoria had to leave early for a business trip, but she left Rick a message after discovering that the repair to her dress hadn’t been completed.

Rick read the message, and she’d wrote upon it, “Return to mender a dress unsewn.”

16. The refrigerator:

Physician Dr Davis is sitting in his surgery one morning when a patient arrives, complaining of severe back pain.

Dr Davis starts to examine his patient, and he asks him, “Can you tell me exactly what happened to your back, Mr Smith?“

Mr Smith replies, “Well, doctor, I work nights in a local night club. This morning, I got home early and could hear a noise in my bedroom.”

“Right,” Dr Davis responded, “but how did this affect your back?”

“Well, doctor,” Mr Smith continued, “when I entered the bedroom, I knew someone had been with my wife, as the balcony door was open.”

“I still don’t quite understand,” said Dr Davis.

“Well,” Mr Smith continued, “naturally, I rushed out onto the balcony, and as I looked down, I saw a man running, and he was dressing himself as he ran. So, I grabbed the refrigerator and threw it at him. And that’s how I strained my back.“

Not long after Mr Smith left Dr Davis’s surgery, a second patient arrived, looking like he’d just crawled out of a wrecked car.

“Well,” said Dr Davis, “my last patient looked bad, but you look terrible, Mr Jones. What has happened to you?“

“You won’t believe it, doctor,” said Mr Jones. “I was meant to be starting a new job today, having been unemployed for months. I overslept, and I was running out of the house, dressing as I went, trying to ensure I wasn’t late. Next minute, out of nowhere, a refrigerator lands on my head.”

Within seconds of Mr Jones leaving the doctor’s surgery, the third patient of the day walks in.

Mr Wilson is in an even worse state than the two previous patients, and he looked like he had fallen from a great height.

“Good morning, Mr Wilson,” said Dr Davis, a little shocked by what he saw before him. “What has happened to you?”

“Well, doctor,” Mr Wilson responded, “I was hiding in a refrigerator, and someone threw it from a 3^rd-floor balcony.”

17. The drunk and the Catholic priest:

A drunken man staggered onto a subway train and sat next to a Catholic priest.

The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes, the drunk turned to the priest and said, “Excuse me, Father, what causes arthritis?“

“My son,” the priest responded, “it’s caused by loose living, being with immoral women, drinking too much alcohol and having only contempt for your fellow man.”

“Really?” said the drunk. “Well, I’ll be damned!” He then returned to reading his newspaper.

Having thought about what he’d said and feeling guilty, the priest nudged the man and apologised. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so judgmental. How long have you had arthritis?“

“I don’t have it, Father,” the man responded. “I was just reading here that the Pope does.”

18. Dazed and confused:

Bill was working in his front garden one day when, suddenly, a car came crashing through his fence and ploughed into his front lawn.

Momentarily startled, Bill quickly gathered his composure and rushed to help the driver.

He could see that the driver was quite an elderly lady, so Bill helped her to get out of the car slowly and sat her down in a chair on his veranda.

“Forgive me, mam,” said Bill. “I don’t want to appear judgmental, but you look to be a little too old to be driving.“

“Well, I’ll be 95 next month,” said the old lady, “and I’ve now reached the age where I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.“

“Really?” said Bill. “Why do you say that?“

“Well,” said the old lady, “when I had my physical recently, my doctor asked if I had a driver’s license.”

“Presumably, you told him you did?” Bill responded, quizzically.

“That’s right,” said the old lady, “and I handed it to him to prove it.”

“And what did he say?” asked Bill.

“He just took some scissors from a drawer,” the old lady responded, “then he cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, before saying, ‘You don’t need this anymore!”

“And what did you say?” asked Bill.

“Naturally, I thanked him for letting me know, and then I left,” said the old lady.

19. Reality check:

Jane, Jenny and Wilma were three friends whose lives were cut tragically short by a road traffic accident.

In the blink of an eye, they found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

“Welcome to heaven, ladies,” said St Peter. “There is just one rule to remember. Please don’t step on any of the rabbits running around freely. You should be aware that there is a punishment for those who do.”

The three friends agreed they’d be careful, and with that, they walked through the Pearly Gates into the Kingdom of Heaven.

Sure enough, there were rabbits everywhere, as far as the eye could see.

However, they did their best to tread carefully and avoid these harmless creatures.

One day, the inevitable happened, and Jane, unfortunately, stepped on a rabbit.

Instantly, St Peter was standing in front of her.

“I’m sorry, Jane,” said St Peter. “I did warn you about stepping on rabbits.”

“I’m sorry, but it was an accident,” Jane responded.

“That may be true, but I must apply the penalty,” said St Peter.

With that, St Peter chained Jane to the ugliest man she had ever seen, and she was told that she was doomed to be bonded to this wretch for eternity.

Jenny and Wilma, having witnessed what happened, were now petrified of making the same mistake.

They took even greater care over the next several months, but eventually the inevitable happened again.

One day, while being distracted, Jenny stepped on a rabbit.

Again, justice was swift, and she found herself also bonded in perpetuity to the ugliest man you could imagine.

Well, Wilma, fearing the worst, took extra care from then on.

However, eventually she also stepped on a rabbit.

St Peter quickly appeared, and Wilma was immediately chained to a truly handsome man.

Wilma was puzzled and asked St Peter, “My friends stepped on rabbits, and they were punished by being bonded to hideous-looking men. I commit the same sin, but I get an Adonis. Why is that?”

The Adonis looked at her and said, “I stepped on a rabbit.”

20. The Budgie:

Geoffrey sees a budgie in the window of a pet store, and feeling a little sorry for the bird, he decides he’ll buy it.

However, he’s quickly disappointed when, despite his best efforts, he can’t get the budgie to talk.

So he decides to go back to the pet store to complain.

“I purchased this budgie a month ago now, but I can’t get him to utter a single word,” said Geoffrey to the store assistant.

“Try him with a mirror,” the store assistant suggested. “Budgies love to look at their reflection, and you’ll soon have him saying, “Who’s a pretty boy?”

So Geoffrey purchased a mirror from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Once again, he was disappointed, as the budgie still wouldn’t talk.

So once again, Geoffrey went to the pet store to complain.

“Try him with a ladder”, said the store assistant. “Budgies love climbing, and I’m sure he won’t stop talking once he’s got a ladder.”

So Geoffrey purchased a little ladder from the store assistant and returned home with his budgie.

Yet again, not a word was spoken by the budgie, so a week later, Geoffrey was back in the pet store again with the budgie.

“Try getting him a bell,” said the store assistant. “The sound of a bell will encourage him to talk, I’m sure. At the very least, he’ll try to imitate the bell’s sound.”

So Geoffrey bought the bell and returned home only to be disappointed yet again.

Two weeks later, Geoffrey’s back in the pet store.

“How’s your budgie?” asked the store assistant. “Have you got it talking yet?”

“Finally, he did say something,” said Geoffrey. “He looked in the mirror, climbed the ladder, rang his bell, uttered a few words, and then dropped off his perch and died.”

“Oh dear!” said the store assistant. “What did he say?”

“He said, doesn’t that damn pet store sell birdseed?” Geoffrey responded.

21. Giving evidence:

A veteran police officer is giving evidence in court.

The defence attorney is cross-examining him during a felony trial.

Naturally, the lawyer is trying everything he can to undermine the police officer’s credibility.

“So, officer,” said the attorney, “did you see my client fleeing the scene?“

“No, sir,” said the police officer. “But later, I saw a person matching the description of the accused running several blocks away.”

“Is that so, officer?” said the attorney, looking towards the jury, “and who provided you with this description?“

“My colleague, who was the first responder to the scene,” said the officer.

“So, you’re telling me that a fellow officer provided you with the description of this so-called offender,” said the attorney. “And do you trust your fellow officers?“

“Of course,” said the officer. “I would trust him with my life.”

The attorney looked at the jury, again, then turned back to the officer and said, slowly, “You would trust him with your life?”

“Yes, sir,” said the officer.

The defence attorney paused momentarily and then said, “Let me ask you this, then, officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your duties?“

“Yes, sir, we do,” the police officer responded.

“And presumably you have a locker in that room?” the attorney continued.

“Yes, sir, I do,” said the officer.

“And do you lock away your possessions in that locker?” the attorney continued.

“Yes, sir, I do,” the officer continued.

“Now that’s interesting, said the attorney, once again looking towards the jury for dramatic effect.

“So,” the attorney continued, “you say you’d trust your fellow officers with your life, and yet you feel the need to lock away your possessions in a room you share with those officers.”

Again, the attorney allowed a momentary pause for effect before saying, “Why is that officer?”

The veteran police officer suppressed a smile before he said, “Well, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through our locker room.“

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with veteran police officers. They’re sharp, they’ve heard it all before and they’re never short of a smart comeback line.

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30 silliest jokes ever that’ll tickle your funny bone

06/22/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you like short, witty one-line jokes, dear reader, then today I offer you some of the silliest jokes ever.

Yes, they’re corny, I admit that, but I’m confident they’ll tickle your funny bone. Children will enjoy them too.

Take a few moments to relax and smile, and please feel free to share them all.

Silliest jokes ever (1-15):

What type of trees do plumbers plant? Toiletries.
How do horses propose? They go down on bended neigh.
Who do you call if a parrot falls off his perch? Parrot-medics.
Why did the monkey logon online? To send a chimpanzee-mail.
What happens to ducks before they grow up? They grow down.
Is it legal to marry a widow’s husband? No, because he’s dead.
What would a monster choose to eat in a restaurant? The waiter.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet.
Why do bears have fur coats? Because they’d look silly in anoraks.
What’s the definition of an arms race? An octopus running for a bus.
Why are barbers, such good drivers? Because they know all the shortcuts.
What’s a man’s idea of a romantic night out? A candlelit football stadium.
Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.
Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? She wanted to post a litter.
What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how it all works.

Silliest jokes ever (16-30):

How do you fix a short circuit? Lengthen it.
How do you make a moth ball? Flick its nose.
Why did the gold prospector quit his job? Things just didn’t pan out.
Why did the mathematician turn off his heating? So he could be cold and calculating.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Why did the farmer make his little chicks wear ear muffs? So they wouldn’t hear any fowl language.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender responded, “For you, no charge!”
What did the vampire say just before dawn, when he saw the neck of a sleeping man? “Aaahh, breakfast in bed!”
What did Hamlet say when he went camping and lost his tent? “Tepee or not tepee? That is the question.”
Two fleas are leaving a restaurant, and one says to the other, “Should we walk or take a dog?”
Did you hear about the dog that liked to eat garlic? His bark was worse than his bite.
Two large, hungry lions were wandering around Walmart, and one said to the other, “It’s quiet in here, isn’t it?”
What’s the difference between a New York Yankees fan and a dentist? One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
A man walks into a bar carrying three wooden panels and four wooden posts. “You can’t bring those in here,” said the bartender. “They may cause a fence.”

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So, would you agree that these are some of the silliest jokes ever, dear reader? Did you enjoy them, and more importantly, did they make you laugh? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on some of the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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33 funny jokes for 5-year-olds that’ll tickle adults too

06/21/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for funny jokes for 5-year-olds, then I’ve curated 33 of them, and I think they might just tickle you too, dear reader. I hope so, anyway.

Take a few moments to enjoy them all, or at least groan at a few, and then share them with the 5-year-olds in your life, and anyone else you think they’ll amuse as well.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (1-11):

What pie can fly? – A magpie.
What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? – Nectarine.
How do you start a milk pudding race? – Say go.
What do you call a surgeon with eight arms? – A doctorpus
What do you call a bike that bites people? – A vicious cycle.
Which sea creature is good at math? – An octoplus.
What do you call a Scottish parrot? – A Macaw.
What do you call a pickle that draws? – A dillustrator.
Who was the pizza’s favourite relative? – Aunt Chovy.
Where would seaweed look for a job? – The kelp-wanted ads.
What grace is said before a salad is eaten? – Lettuce pray.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (12-22):

Why do lions eat raw meat? – They don’t know how to cook it.
What food can be eaten in a taxi? – Corn-on-the-cab.
Where would you see hamburgers boxing? – In an onion ring.
What did the dinner plate say to the side plate? – Lunch is on me.
What lies on the forest floor, 100 feet in the air? – A dead centipede.
Which vegetable is most unreliable? – A fickle onion.
What goes up but doesn’t come down? – Your age.
What kind of nut will you find on a wall? – A walnut.
So, how long were you there? – About five foot eleven.
Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.
In what way are cooks cruel to animals? – They batter fish.

Jokes for 5-year-olds (23-33):

Why did the sandwich go to the dentist? – It needed a filling.
How long should you cook spaghetti? – About 30 centimetres.
What is served in glasses but is hard to swallow? – A stiff drink.
Why did the pickle stay home from school? – Because he felt dill.
What did one snowman say to the other? – Can you smell carrots?
What’s brown, hairy and wears sunglasses? – A coconut on holiday.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? – He wasn’t peeling very well.
How did the Irish potato change nationality? – It became a French fry.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? – Because he couldn’t find a date.
What did one strawberry say to another? – I told you we’d end up in this jam.
Which is the best, a hamburger or a hot dog? – A hamburger because hot dogs are wurst.

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37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

06/20/2025 by Roy Sutton

Do you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them, and please share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-12):

He who laughs last didn’t get it.
Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.

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5 humorous stories that’ll brighten your day a little

06/19/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for some funny jokes in the form of humorous stories, then I’ve got five great ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident you’ll enjoy them all.

So grab a coffee, relax, and take an unofficial break from the day’s pressures to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Humorous Stories:

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window, enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought, he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

Well, his mother was a little perturbed by this question, and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny, why don’t you ask the flight attendant?”

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

The flight attendant had heard it all before, of course, but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?“

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes, mam, she did.”

“Well,” said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.“

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly, Jim noticed a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

“Sir, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but the city’s mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead, and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

“He says he’s deep in debt, and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

“So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

“I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

“And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

“Well, sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started, but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far, and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.”

3. The argument:

Doctor O’Riley and his wife are arguing at the breakfast table.

The argument is gradually escalating as they start lobbing verbal bombs at each other, trying to outdo what the other has said.

Eventually, Doctor O’Riley is in such a rage, he shouts, “And you’re no good in bed either,” before he storms out of the house.

By the time he reaches his surgery, Doctor O’Riley has calmed down, and he starts to feel guilty about his parting remark.

So, he phones his wife to apologise.

There’s no answer. So, he attempts to call several more times during the next hour. Eventually, his call is answered after many rings, and by this time, the doctor is irritated and shouts, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

“I was in bed,” his wife responds.

“You were in bed?” the doctor says in surprise. “What were you doing in bed?”

“If you must know,” his wife says, “I was getting a second opinion!”

4. Seeking meaning:

The Lone Ranger and his faithful partner, Tonto, were camping in the wilderness.

It had been a long day on the trail, and after they’d set up their tent, they both fell asleep.

Hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards the sky. What do you see?“

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars, Tonto. Why?“

“What does that tell you, Kemo Sabe?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders this question momentarily and then says, “It tells me that the universe has millions of galaxies and billions of planets. It says we are mere specks in the great cosmos. And it says it’s approximately a quarter past two in the morning. The clear sky also suggests we will enjoy a beautiful day later. What does it tell you, Tonto?“

“Kemo Sabe, you’re dumber than a prairie dog,” Tonto responds. “It tells me that someone stole our tent.”

5. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

To identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends, Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body, and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body, and Jim-Bob responded immediately, saying, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

“Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.”

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over, please, sir?”

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No, sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

This turn of events mystified the medical examiner. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?”

“Well, sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

“What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

“Yes, sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

“How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.”

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25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you

06/19/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you want to amaze people with the variety and depth of your knowledge, then it’s always helpful to have a few weird and funny facts at your disposal.

So here are 25 funny facts to entertain and amuse you. I found them all fascinating, and I hope you do too, dear reader.

See how many of these facts you can work into your conversations today.

And please, feel free to share this post with your friends.

Funny Facts:

China has censored their word for censorship.
Cows moo with regional accents.
The female lion does 90% of the hunting.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
Over 75% of people who read Fact No 4 will then try to lick their elbow.
50% of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class.
Dolly Parton once lost out to a drag queen in a Dolly Parton look-alike contest.
The blob of toothpaste you put on your toothbrush is called a nurdle.
Putting in a vase will make flowers stand up straight for a week beyond when they would normally wilt.
One-quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.
A man once wore 60 shirts and nine pairs of jeans on a flight from China to Africa to avoid paying for excess baggage at check-in.
There’s a village in Norway called Hell and it freezes over every winter.
It would take 76 workdays to read every online privacy policy we agree to in an average year.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.
In an average lifetime, while sleeping, people will eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
27% of all food produced in Western nations ends up in garbage cans.
If you went out into space, you’d explode before you’d suffocate because there’s no air pressure.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
A chip of silicon a quarter-inch square has the capacity of the original 1945 ENIAC computer, which occupied an entire city block.
Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
You can tell the sex of a horse by its teeth. Most males have 40, whilst females have 36.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, then you’d have $1.19. You’d also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people
Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.

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100 funny questions to ask anyone and get a laugh

06/18/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy playing that game with your friends, whereby you ask each other funny questions, then here are 100 funny questions to ask anyone.

You and your friends can have hours of fun asking each other these silly questions. It’s a great game to play and, if nothing else, you’ll learn a lot more about your friends in the process.

So, get a few friends or fellow workers together, and ask them a few of these questions to see what answers you get.

And please, feel free to share them all.

Funny questions to ask (1-10):

If animals could talk, which one would be the most sarcastic?
Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?
If you had to wear one Halloween costume every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?
If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you’d done?
What’s the funniest WiFi name you’ve ever seen?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten for breakfast?
If you could choose your own nickname, what would it be?
What’s the strangest place you’ve ever found your lost keys or phone?
What would you do if you found a penguin in your freezer?
If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (11-20):

If you could have a theme song, what would it be?
What’s the silliest prank you’ve ever pulled?
If you were a superhero, what would your useless superpower be?
If you could create the ultimate animal by merging two different animals, which animals would you use?
If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would you pick?
What’s the most embarrassing fashion trend you’ve ever followed?
If you could be a fly on anyone’s wall, whose wall would it be and why?
What three items would you bring to a desert island to entertain yourself?
If your life was a sitcom, what would it be called?
What’s the worst job you could have but with the best job title?

Funny questions to ask (21-30):

If you could have dinner with any three fictional characters, who would you choose?
If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, which one would it be?
If your life had a blooper reel, what would be the funniest moment on it?
What would be the most inappropriate time to start a dance party?
If you could choose one age to be forever, what age would you choose and why?
If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?
What would your pet say about you if it could talk?
What’s the weirdest gift you’ve ever received?
What’s the most unusual hobby you’ve ever tried?
If you had a time machine that could only go one way, would you rather visit the past or the future?

Funny questions to ask (31-40):

What are three words that make you laugh every time you hear them?
What’s the funniest misheard song lyric you’ve ever encountered?
If you could switch lives with a celebrity for a day, who would it be and why?
What’s the most hilarious thing you’ve ever seen a pet do?
If you had to give up one of your senses, which one would you choose and why?
What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever overheard in public?
If you could have one magical power, what would it be and why?
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to impress someone?
If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
If you had to replace your hands with objects, what objects would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (41-50):

What’s the most ridiculous outfit you’ve ever worn on a date?
If you were a potato, how would you like to be cooked?
If you could swap lives with a cartoon character, who would it be and why?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve ever experienced?
If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said in your sleep?
If you could have an unlimited supply of any item, what would it be and why?
What’s the cheesiest pick-up line you’ve ever heard of or used?
If you could choose a new first name, what would it be?
If you could communicate with animals, which species would you want to chat with the most?

Funny questions to ask (51-60):

What’s the funniest or most unusual name for a pet you’ve ever encountered?
If you had to marry a fictional character, who would you choose and why?
What’s the weirdest food combination you’ve ever tried and enjoyed?
If you could only speak in movie quotes, which movie would you choose?
What’s the most amusing way you’ve ever procrastinated?
If you could be any object for a day, what would you be and why?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you at a party?
If you had to choose a movie title to describe your life, what would it be?
What’s the most hilarious or cringe-worthy trend you participated in as a teenager?
If you could only communicate through dance moves, how would you greet people?

Funny questions to ask (61-70):

What’s the most absurd lie you’ve ever told and gotten away with?
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done while sleepwalking?
If you could only use one word for the rest of your life, what would it be?
If you could have a conversation with anyone of your choosing, dead or alive, who would you choose and what would you ask them?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing story from your childhood?
If you could choose any celebrity to be your personal life coach, who would it be and why?
If you had to choose one food to be allergic to, what would it be?
If you could only watch one TV show for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve done to get someone’s attention?
If you could instantly become an expert in any subject, what would it be and why?

Funny questions to ask (71-80):

What’s the strangest or most unexpected place you’ve ever fallen asleep?
If you had to choose a new first name that starts with the letter Z, what would it be?
What’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever seen in someone else’s home?
What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought online?
If you could be a professional athlete in any sport, which sport would you choose and why?
What’s the most unusual or unexpected item you carry with you every day?
If you could have any accent from around the world, which one would you choose?
What’s the most hilarious or embarrassing thing you’ve done while on a date?
If you could choose any animal to be your personal sidekick, which one would you choose?
If you could change your name to anything, but it had to be a food, what would you choose?

Funny questions to ask (81-90):

If you could only use one mode of transportation for the rest of your life, would you choose a unicycle, roller skates, or a pogo stick?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done to avoid an awkward situation?
If you had to replace your hands with kitchen utensils, which ones would you choose and why?
If you were a professional wrestler, what would your stage name be and what would be your signature move?
What’s the most absurd nickname you’ve ever been given or given to someone else?
If you could have any superpower, but it could only be used to mildly inconvenience others, what would it be?
If you had to eat one condiment for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done while trying to impress someone?
If you had to wear a hat every day for the rest of your life, what type of hat would you choose?
What’s the most unusual talent you have that nobody knows about?

Funny questions to ask (91-100):

What’s the strangest talent you have?
If you could replace your voice with any celebrity’s voice, whose voice would you choose?
If you could only watch one genre of movie for the rest of your life, which one would you pick: romantic comedies, horror movies, or documentaries?
If you could add any word to the dictionary, what would it be and what would its definition be?
What’s the funniest or most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you at a family gathering?
If you had to permanently change your hairstyle to one of these options, would you choose a mullet, a mohawk, or a perm?
What’s the most bizarre or unexpected item you’ve ever found in your pocket or purse?
If you could only use one dance move for the rest of your life, which one would you choose?
What’s the strangest or most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done to avoid being late?
If you could be the world champion in any unusual or obscure sport, which one would you choose?

Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 100 funny questions to ask anyone. I hope you have fun with them.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: amusing, fun, fun with friends, funny, funny questions to ask, game, parlour game, social, stupid questions to ask

30 comedy one-liners that are pure gold

06/17/2025 by Roy Sutton

Are you tired of the same old jokes that leave you uninspired and unamused, dear reader? Perhaps you’re looking for some comedy one-liners that might amuse your friends and colleagues.

Well, if you’re looking for some comedy gold, some of these one-liners might leave you in stitches.

This collection of comedy one-liners will leave you with a smile on your face and a chuckle in your heart.

From witty observations to pun-filled gags, these one-liners will keep you entertained and amused.

Whether you’re looking to brighten up your day or impress your friends with your quick wit, these one-liners are sure to deliver.

So why wait? Grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy all these one-liners. They’ll tickle you silly.

Feel free to pass them on.

Comedy one-liners (1-10):

I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
Am I lazy? No, I’m just conserving energy.
I’m not short, I’m just concentrated awesome.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
Why did the blond move to LA? It was easier to spell.
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why you’re wrong.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Why do they call it a drive-through if you have to stop?
I’m not a light sleeper. I can sleep just as well in the dark
I’m not a great cook, but few people are better at re-heating.

Comedy one-liners (11-20):

I’m not a morning person, I’m a several-cups-of-coffee person.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
If a chicken crosses the road, then would that be poultry in motion?
I told my wife she was acting like a fool. She replied, “You married me.”
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? He wanted to see his flat mate.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was about to crumble.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
Why does a flamingo lift one leg? Because if it lifted both it would fall over.

Comedy one-liners (21-30):

I have a photographic memory, but I always forget to charge the camera.
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I used to fear the speed bump outside my house, but I’m slowly getting over it.
I told my wife she was acting like a drama queen. She replied, “Long live the queen.”
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
I’m not a fan of politicians. They’re always trying to get in touch with the people they used to avoid in high school.
Why do wives of bus drivers have trouble getting pregnant? Because bus drivers tend to pull out unexpectedly.
What does it mean when your doctor says you have six months to live? The message is you have five months to pay.