33 very clever one liners guaranteed to make you smile

Clever one linersI’m always impressed with clever one liners. I can’t resist those short, sharp witty remarks that always make me smile. So naturally I collect them, noting them down in my journal every day.

Today I thought I share some of the best clever one liners I’ve heard recently. They’re all quite brilliant in my opinion.

So take a couple of minutes to enjoy them all.

Clever one liners:

  1. How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
  2. I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
  3. I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
  4. Just received a card full of rice. It’s from Uncle Ben.
  5. Exaggerations went up by one million percent last year.
  6. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
  7. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust.
  8. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
  11. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
  12. My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.
  13. Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.
  14. My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”
  15. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  16. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
  17. I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
  18. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
  19. As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.
  20. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
  21. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
  22. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
  23. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  24. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  25. I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.
  26. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
  27. I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said “Don’t mention it.”
  28. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
  29. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
  30. Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.
  31. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
  32. A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” To which the doctor replied, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”
  33. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

35 short but brilliant one liner quotes you’ll love

Brilliant One Liner QuotesI love brilliant one liner quotes. In fact whenever I come across some good ones I always make a note of them in my journal. Naturally I review what I’ve collected occasionally and I thought today I’d share my most recent collection with you dear reader.

So here are some short but brilliant one liner quotes which I’m confident you’ll love.

Enjoy them all.

Brilliant one liner quotes:

  1. When in doubt, mumble.
  2. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  3. No one’s listening until you fart.
  4. Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
  5. I want to live forever. So far, so good.
  6. Constipated people don’t give a crap.
  7. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
  8. Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
  9. There are no real winners in life, only survivors.
  10. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
  11. Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
  12. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  13. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving’s not for you!
  14. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
  15. For every action, there’s a corresponding over-reaction.
  16. You should laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
  17. Research confirms 4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
  18. I don’t have a solution, but I can offer a critical comment.
  19. Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
  20. Life is like a bird. It’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
  21. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  22. It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
  23. People make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  24. The best way to lie is to tell a carefully edited version of truth.
  25. I know God’s watching me, so the least I can be is entertaining.
  26. People who smile in a crisis have found someone else to blame.
  27. God must really love stupid people. He’s made so many of them.
  28. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
  29. We’re all part of the ultimate statistic – 10 out of 10 people will die.
  30. We live in a society where pizza gets to our house before the police.
  31. Progress is made by lazy people looking for easier ways to do things.
  32. The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
  33. The hardest thing about success is finding someone who’s pleased for you
  34. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
  35. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Brilliant One Liner QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True they won’t interview them all but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them, if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon then naturally you’ll want a few pointers in how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget though, the impression you leave can be a good one but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile and I hope it brightens your day too.

How to make an impression:

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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You’ll love these 4 clever and very funny international commercials

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree dear reader?

I love clever commercials and I like funny commercials too. And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well dear reader, if like me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then I think you might enjoy these ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials but you will enjoy them I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

4 clever and very funny international commercials:

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So dear reader, did these funny international commercials make you laugh?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

Today I offer you a very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting.

If you’re in a professional role then meetings go with the territory for you, I’m sure you’ll agree?

In fact meetings are probably the bane of your life, I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that too.

Frequently you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and knowhow that no one else can offer, therefore the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and to keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise of course.

However it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting thinking that somehow they know better than you.

You’re asked for your opinion and then you’re immediately contradicted.

Essentially you provide a considered response to a question and then immediately your opinion is dismissed for whatever resaon. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the risks associated with a given approach and so on. Does this sound familiar?

Well today’s video is for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious and it does nail an essential truth.

People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh and it’s well worth a few minutes of your time.

Comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting:

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So did this video prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed this post then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Examples of Sarcasm for when you need a witty insultHave you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you only wish you’d had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue and ready to let them know that you’re not someone that will suffer fools for too long?

It’s always useful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

In today’s post I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also raise a smile with you too.

And of course I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Sarcasm and witty insults:

  1. Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
  2. Clearly wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
  3. Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
  4. If your aim was to irritate me then you’re plan is working so far.
  5. You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
  6. I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid
  7. Take your time buddy, it’s not like the rest of us have stuff to do.
  8. That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
  9. Now who might you be and why should it matter to me?
  10. You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
  11. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.
  12. Listen tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take a bit more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
  13. I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important but guess what? The rest of world doesn’t agree.
  14. Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider another line of work.
  15. Some people have genuine talent and then there are deluded people like you.
  16. I may have had a bit too much to drink mam but tomorrow I’ll be sober, whereas you’ll still be ugly.
  17. $10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
  18. Were you born a pain in the ass or have you had special training?
  19. You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
  20. If you’re pleasant with others you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
  21. Clearly you’re bereft of talent but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
  22. If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that buddy.
  23. There’s nothing like exceptional customer service and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
  24. Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
  25. Well we’ve now established that you can be really stupid when you want to be. So what else are you good at?
  26. So you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
  27. Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
  28. I didn’t say you were overweight but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
  29. I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime. 

examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insultPlease share this post with your friends:

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If any of these examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult actually made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more examples of sarcasm? Then just click on the links below.

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10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing

Stupid JokesOne of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably, I’m sure you’ll agree with that dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

Just recently I stumbled upon a very funny book that works a treat with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell and I think it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love and they’ll be keen to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies and impress their teachers.

And remember; if a child has a stock of jokes to tell then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

Stupid JokesSo I’ve got to tell you dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:-

Stupid jokes just for you:

  • What did one pig say to the other?
  • Let’s be pen pals
  • Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
  • To keep each udder warm
  • Which fish go to heaven when they die?
  • Angel fish
  • Why don’t bears wear socks?
  • Because they like to walk in their bear feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
  • A zebra
  • What’s out of bounds?
  • An exhausted kangaroo
  • Why are anteaters good workers?
  • Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
  • Because pigs are squealers
  • What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
  • Baby porcupines
  • Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
  • She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a Look Inside or purchase a copy then just CLICK HERE

DISCLOSURE: This post contains Amazon affiliate links, which means that should you make a purchase via these links then I will receive a small commission. There will be no additional cost to you as the purchaser. Such commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this website. Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you.

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15 Quotes by Tina Fey

Quotes by Tina FeyTina Fey is one of the funniest women in show business and she’s also a very smart lady too.

Not only is she a comedian but she is also an actress, writer and producer.

She’s best known for her work on the NBC sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live and for creating the acclaimed situation comedy 30 Rock.

So here are 15 quotes by Tina Fey to inspire you.

Quotes by Tina Fey:

  1. Say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards. ~Tina Fey
  2. Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion. ~Tina Fey
  3. It will never be perfect but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV. ~Tina Fey
  4. Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself. ~Tina Fey
  5. Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions. Do your thing and don’t care if they like it. ~Tina Fey
  6. Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles. ~Tina Fey
  7. Stop calling each other sluts and whores; that makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores. ~Tina Fey
  8. Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity. ~Tina Fey
  9. For my first show at SNL, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs. This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it. ~Tina Fey
  10. If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do. ~Tina Fey
  11. Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like Saturday Night Live forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model. ~Tina Fey
  12. Quotes by Tina FeyIf you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities. ~Tina Fey
  13. After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you. ~Tina Fey
  14. It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist. ~Tina Fey
  15. This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone. ~Tina Fey

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 that will definitely brighten your day

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

Naturally the bartender is a little wary of this guy but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

After the fifth beer the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?

To which the guy responds, “This is where the problems start!

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.

Many years later the woman receives a letter from Juan which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.

To which her husband responds, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus completely full with passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent but these were tragic circumstances. The situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God “I wish to be beautiful.

God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is truly beautiful.

The next woman hesitates momentarily but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is also truly very beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again, their wishes are granted and they too are now very beautiful.

By now the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However with each wish granted the guy at the end of the line, seems to laugh even harder.

Finally it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

4. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally the doctor inquired as to what happened.

Well doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However still nothing.

Looking shocked the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?

To which the old man replied, “Yes but none of us could get the lid off the jar.

5. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now Einstein’s driver Tom looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car on the way to the conference Einstein said, “You know Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.

Now that’s a great idea Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.

So they immediately switch clothes, Einstein hands Tom his notes and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curved ball and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However Tom has been around the block a few times and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy to answer your question is, I will let my driver reply to it for me.

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

If you’re like me then you’ll need a good laugh each and every day. It is after all the best medicine, they say. If nothing else it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I’d call black humor. That’s humor with a slightly darker edge?

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you dear reader then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

Black Humor Jokes:

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.

 

  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lose my job as a bus driver.

 

  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

 

  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing. Quick get our daughter!

 

  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.

 

  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.

 

  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.

 

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

 Black Humor

  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.

 

  • Finally I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

 

  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

 

  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dart board!

 

  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second hand shop.

 

  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?

 

  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

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