How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True they won’t interview them all but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them, if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon then naturally you’ll want a few pointers in how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget though, the impression you leave can be a good one but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile and I hope it brightens your day too.

How to make an impression:

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this article and funny video dear reader then please share with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

You’ll love these 4 clever and very funny international commercials

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree dear reader?

I love clever commercials and I like funny commercials too. And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well dear reader, if like me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then I think you might enjoy these ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials but you will enjoy them I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

4 clever and very funny international commercials:

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these funny international commercials make you laugh?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

Today I offer you a very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting.

If you’re in a professional role then meetings go with the territory for you, I’m sure you’ll agree?

In fact meetings are probably the bane of your life, I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that too.

Frequently you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and knowhow that no one else can offer, therefore the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and to keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise of course.

However it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting thinking that somehow they know better than you.

You’re asked for your opinion and then you’re immediately contradicted.

Essentially you provide a considered response to a question and then immediately your opinion is dismissed for whatever resaon. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the risks associated with a given approach and so on. Does this sound familiar?

Well today’s video is for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious and it does nail an essential truth.

People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh and it’s well worth a few minutes of your time.

Comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting:

Please share this post with your friends:

So did this video prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed this post then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing

Stupid JokesOne of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably, I’m sure you’ll agree with that dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

Just recently I stumbled upon a very funny book that works a treat with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell and I think it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love and they’ll be keen to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies and impress their teachers.

And remember; if a child has a stock of jokes to tell then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

Stupid JokesSo I’ve got to tell you dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:-

Stupid jokes just for you:

  • What did one pig say to the other?
  • Let’s be pen pals
  • Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
  • To keep each udder warm
  • Which fish go to heaven when they die?
  • Angel fish
  • Why don’t bears wear socks?
  • Because they like to walk in their bear feet
  • What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
  • A zebra
  • What’s out of bounds?
  • An exhausted kangaroo
  • Why are anteaters good workers?
  • Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone
  • Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
  • Because pigs are squealers
  • What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
  • Baby porcupines
  • Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
  • She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a Look Inside or purchase a copy then just CLICK HERE

DISCLOSURE: This post contains Amazon affiliate links, which means that should you make a purchase via these links then I will receive a small commission. There will be no additional cost to you as the purchaser. Such commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this website. Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

If you enjoyed this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Tina Fey

Quotes by Tina FeyTina Fey is one of the funniest women in show business and she’s also a very smart lady too.

Not only is she a comedian but she is also an actress, writer and producer.

She’s best known for her work on the NBC sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live and for creating the acclaimed situation comedy 30 Rock.

So here are 15 quotes by Tina Fey to inspire you.

Quotes by Tina Fey:

  1. Say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards. ~Tina Fey
  2. Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion. ~Tina Fey
  3. It will never be perfect but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV. ~Tina Fey
  4. Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself. ~Tina Fey
  5. Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions. Do your thing and don’t care if they like it. ~Tina Fey
  6. Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles. ~Tina Fey
  7. Stop calling each other sluts and whores; that makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores. ~Tina Fey
  8. Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity. ~Tina Fey
  9. For my first show at SNL, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs. This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it. ~Tina Fey
  10. If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do. ~Tina Fey
  11. Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like Saturday Night Live forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model. ~Tina Fey
  12. Quotes by Tina FeyIf you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities. ~Tina Fey
  13. After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you. ~Tina Fey
  14. It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist. ~Tina Fey
  15. This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone. ~Tina Fey

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these quotes by Tina Fey then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me then I’d be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 that will definitely brighten your day

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

Naturally the bartender is a little wary of this guy but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!

After the fifth beer the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?

To which the guy responds, “This is where the problems start!

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan.

Many years later the woman receives a letter from Juan which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.

To which her husband responds, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus completely full with passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent but these were tragic circumstances. The situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God “I wish to be beautiful.

God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is truly beautiful.

The next woman hesitates momentarily but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again God smiles, grants the wish and instantly she is also truly very beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again, their wishes are granted and they too are now very beautiful.

By now the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However with each wish granted the guy at the end of the line, seems to laugh even harder.

Finally it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

4. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

The next day the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally the doctor inquired as to what happened.

Well doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However still nothing.

Looking shocked the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?

To which the old man replied, “Yes but none of us could get the lid off the jar.

5. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now Einstein’s driver Tom looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car on the way to the conference Einstein said, “You know Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.

Now that’s a great idea Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.

So they immediately switch clothes, Einstein hands Tom his notes and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curved ball and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However Tom has been around the block a few times and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy to answer your question is, I will let my driver reply to it for me.

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends:

If you did enjoy these short story jokes dear reader then please share this post with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

If you’re like me then you’ll need a good laugh each and every day. It is after all the best medicine, they say. If nothing else it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I’d call black humor. That’s humor with a slightly darker edge?

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you dear reader then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

Black Humor Jokes:

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.

 

  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lose my job as a bus driver.

 

  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

 

  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing. Quick get our daughter!

 

  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.

 

  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.

 

  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.

 

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

 Black Humor

  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.

 

  • Finally I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

 

  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

 

  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dart board!

 

  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second hand shop.

 

  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?

 

  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day

Funniest Jokes1. Fred and Ginger dining out:

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining out in a very swanky, five star New York City hotel and they’d both made a point of dressing for the occasion.

Ginger looked absolutely stunning is her ball gown and diamond tiara while Fred arrived in his trademark top hat, white tie and tails. They both looked like the million dollar movie stars they were.

All was going well with dinner until they got to dessert. While serving dessert the clumsy waiter managed to trip and Fred was showered from head to toe in treacle pudding.

Oh, I’m most terribly sorry, Mr Astaire,” said the waiter.

Fred was not amused. “So you ought to be,” he said angrily.

Fred sat there fuming as the waiter tried his best to assist.

Look at the state of me now,” said Fred. “I’ve pudding on my top hat; pudding on my white tie; and pudding on my tails.

2. Church on Sunday:

Leaving church one Sunday Bernadette said to her husband Frank, “Do you think Mrs O’Shaughnessy is dying her hair?

To be honest Bernadette, I didn’t even notice Mrs O’Shaughnessy,” Frank responded.

They walked together quietly for a few moments and then Bernadette remarked, “Did you see that skirt Mrs Kilkenny was wearing? Now don’t tell me you thought that was appropriate for a 40 year old mother of six.

I’m afraid I didn’t really notice Mrs Kilkenny either,” said Frank.

Huh!” Bernadette responded dismissively. “A lot of good it does you going to church on Sundays.

3. The will reading:

A lawyer was reading out the will of a wealthy man to his family and everyone mentioned in the document.

To my loving wife Mary, my rock and without whom my life would have been very different, I leave the mansion in Bel-Air and $20 million,” the lawyer read out loud.

He paused momentarily for his audience to digest this information and then he continued reading.

To my darling daughter Louisa who supported me so much when my health began to fail and never once complained, I leave my business, my yacht and $1 million,” said the lawyer.

Again he paused momentarily to allow this information to sink in.

The lawyer then continued reading the final section of the will, “And to my brother Neville who argued with me constantly, hated my guts and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Neville!

4. Engine trouble:

While cruising at 35,000 feet, the aircraft suddenly shuddered violently.

One passenger looked out of the window and then shouted, “Oh my God! One of the engines has just blown up.

The passengers were white with fear when moments later the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as an engine on the opposite side exploded.

Passengers started to panic and the cabin crew struggled to keep order.

However just then the Captain strode confidently from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing about which they should be alarmed.

Reassured by the Captain’s calm manner, passengers returned to their seats and he coolly walked over to the aircraft’s door.

He then grabbed several packages from under the seats near the door and started handing them to the rest of the crew.

Crew members immediately fastened these packages to their backs.

One observant passengers said, “Hey, aren’t they parachutes?

Yes,” said the Captain.

But you said there was no need to be alarmed,” the passenger responded.

There isn’t,” replied the Captain as a third engine suddenly exploded. “We’re going to get help.

5. Cashflow problem at the zoo:

A zoo was experiencing serious cashflow problems due to visitor numbers falling.

The zoo’s management got together to discuss how they could reverse the trend by introducing a major attraction.

Following the meeting the manager persuaded a visitor, who was a very big, stocky man, to take a job dressing up in a gorilla costume and masquerading as a great ape.

This deception worked well as the man really threw himself into the role with enthusiasm; devouring buckets of bananas, swinging from branches, pacing his cage menacingly, beating his chest and roaring loudly.

However one day he went a bit too far and he accidently fell into the lion’s enclosure next door.

Panicking, the bogus gorilla started shouting, “Help! Help!

The lion let out a tremendous roar, then rushed at him. He put his paw on the bogus gorilla’s chest and growled, “Shut up buddy, or we’ll both lose our jobs!

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, were these jokes worth a little piece of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

If you enjoyed this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 202. All Rights Reserved.

5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

1. The Dead Duck

A woman brings a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope to the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

Are you sure?” she says with tears flooding from her eyes.

Yes mam, I am sure” the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.

But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look mam I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.

2. Never underestimate an old man

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the farmer decides to go down to the pond, to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave mister!

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.

The wily old timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!

Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old man.

3. The Hitman

Bill is at the funeral of an old High School friend in Manhattan.

They’re all standing in the graveyard gathering their thoughts after the coffin has been lowered, when Bill notices Jim, another old friend from his High School days.

Hello Jim” says Bill.

Hello buddy, it’s been a long time. How are you?” asks Jim.

Bill responds positively but he’s puzzled as to why Jim is carrying an attaché case at a funeral.

What’s in the case?” asks Bill.

Oh, this is a tool of my trade.” says Jim.

What do you mean? What sort of tool is it?” asks Bill.

It’s a high velocity rifle.” says Jim.

Now why would you need a high velocity rifle?” asks Bill.

 “Because I’m a hitman.” says Jim.

Dream on! You’re yanking my chain, surely?” says Bill.

I’m serious” says Jim, “I make my living as a hitman. Take a look.

With that Jim opens the attaché case to show he does indeed have a high velocity rifle complete with telescopic sight and silencer.

Wow” says Bill, “Can I take a closer look at that?

Sure!” says Jim. With that he assembles the rifle, fits the telescopic sight and then passes it across to Bill.

Bill lifts the rifle to his shoulder and peers through the telescopic sight. “Wow! This is amazing. I can see everything so clearly.

Impressive, eh?” says Jim.

Yes sir. I can see right across Central Park. I can even see my own apartment on Central Park West.” says Bill. “Wait a minute I can see right through my bedroom window and I can see my wife’s having sex with my neighbour.

Really?” says Jim.

Yeah, really!” says Bill. “How much do you charge for a hit?

Well I charge $10,000 dollars per shot but with this telescopic sight I only ever need one shot to hit the target.” says Jim.

Right!” says Bill. “I’ll have two. I want you to shoot her right through the head and I want you to shoot him in the genitals.

So Jim takes the rifle, puts it so his shoulder, peers down the lens of the telescopic sight and carefully starts taking aim. However he then seems to take an age, as he starts waving the rifle barrel around and keeps adjusting the line of sight.

As he waits, Bill starts getting increasingly agitated as he thinks about what’s going on in his apartment.

What’s going on now?” he asks, clearly freaking out. “What are they doing? Why are you taking so long? Why are you hesitating?

Have patience my friend”, says Jim. “I’m trying to save you ten grand.

4. Jack the cowboy

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and says to the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

Jack looks at the man, who’s obviously a yuppie, he then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and responds calmly, “Sure, why not?

The yuppie then whips out a very impressive iPhone 11 Pro smartphone from his jacket pocket and begins to surf the NASA website. Simultaneously he uses the GPS satellite to get the exact coordinates of his location. He then feeds that back to Google Earth to capture a high-resolution image of this location.

The young man then opens the digital image in Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Langley, Virginia.

Within seconds, he receives an email to his iPhone 11 Pro to confirm that the image has been processed and the data captured and stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally he uses an AirPrint printer located in his car to print out a full-color, 150-page report. He then turns to Jack, hands him the report and says, “Sir, you’ll see from the Executive Summary that you have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.

That’s right,” says Jack. “I guess you can take one of my calves.

Jack then watches with amusement as the young man struggles to get the animal into the trunk of his car.

After a minute or two, Jack says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?

The young man thinks for a second and then he says, “Sure, why not?

You’re a Congressman for the US Government“, says Jack.

Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?

No guessing required son,” Jack responded. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want paying for an answer I already know; to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars-worth of equipment trying to show me how smart you are; and you don’t know a thing about how ordinary, working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. If you did you’d know that this herd is actually a flock of sheep. Now give me back my dog.

5. The old Native American and a $500 loan 

An old Native American man has a need to borrow $500, so he goes to his local bank and asks to speak with the Loans officer.

The banker welcomes him and then says a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

Buy silver, make jewelry, then sell it,” the man responded.

And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

Well that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?

Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?

Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

How old is it?” the banker enquired.

Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while but eventually the banker decides to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

Business has been good I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?

Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank,” the banker enquired.

Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

Well, you just put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk and looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these short story jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Similar articles you’ll enjoy:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

3 Side-splitting Jokes about Heaven and Hell

Side-splitting Jokes1. The transport you get in Heaven:

New Yorkers Frank, George and Vinny are killed in a tragic car crash in Manhattan.

The three friends arrive at the entrance to the Pearly Gates and there is St Peter waiting for them.

After the initial pleasantries, St Peter says to them, “Gentlemen, Heaven is an enormous place, so you will need transport to get around. And I have to tell you now that the type of transport you will be allocated will depend on how faithful you were to your wives.

He then turns to Frank and says, “Francis, how faithful were you to your dear wife?

I never strayed once”, says Frank. “From the day we met until my dying day, she was the only woman with whom I slept and I loved her very much.

Most impressive Francis”, says St Peter. “Such fidelity is worthy of a new $13 million Rolls-Royce Sweptail and here are the keys. You’ll find your car in the parking lot just inside the Pearly Gates.

Turning to George, St Peter said, “And how faithful have you been George?

George hesitated momentarily and then said, “I must be honest and tell you that I did have a brief affair with my secretary about 20 years ago. It was the only time I cheated and I did regret it. I love my wife and after that brief lapse I was faithful to her until my dying day.

Very well”, said St Peter. “You made one mistake but otherwise you were of good character. Your reward now is a Chevrolet Bolt. Here are your keys and you’ll find the car in the parking lot inside the Gates.

St Peter then turned to Vinny and said, “So Vincent, were you as well behaved as your friends?

Vinny looked a little embarrassed as he responded. “St Peter, if I’m honest I was a womanizer and I’ve had more sexual encounters than I can remember. However I did love my wife and I would never have left her.”

St Peter frowned as he spoke in response, “Vincent your behaviour was less than exemplary but you did at least say you loved your wife and you never left her, so that counts for something. Therefore I will give you a top-of-the-range mountain bike to enable you to get around. You’ll find it in the cycle rack inside the Gates.

The three friends then spent the next few weeks travelling around in Heaven getting to know the place.

One day as Vinny was cycling along Heaven’s highway he saw a Rolls Royce Sweptail parked by the side of the road. As he got close, he could see Frank sitting in the driver’s seat sobbing.

Hey buddy, what’s the matter?” said Vinny. “You’ve been driving a beautiful Rolls Royce, what could possibly be wrong?

I know”, said Frank, “but I’ve just seen my wife go past on a skateboard.

Side-splitting Jokes2. The reward for a life of sin:

Three drinking buddies, Bill, Jim and Cyril died in a plane crash on the way to Las Vegas and they all found themselves in Hell.

No sooner had they walked through the Gates of Hell than they found themselves staring at a series of doors.

Bill opened the first door and out stepped a really ugly woman, her face covered in hideous warts.

The voice of the Devil then boomed out, “William, you have been a sinner and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this poor woman.

The woman then took Bill by the hand and led him through the door he’d opened to suffer his punishment.

Jim and Cyril naturally were feeling very apprehensive at this point.

However Jim plucked up the courage to open the second door which revealed a woman who was even uglier than the first one. She was a grinning, toothless hag with a hunched back and a bad case of body odour.

Again the voice of the Devil then boomed out, “James, you too have sinned and so you are condemned to spend eternity in bed with this wretched woman.

The woman then took Jim by the hand and led him through the door to suffer his punishment.

Naturally, at this point Cyril was a nervous wreck as he was about to open the third door.

He feared the worst, although he knew he hadn’t been much of a sinner so he hoped it wouldn’t be another hag.

Cyril was pleasantly surprised when out stepped a beautiful blond in a very brief bikini.

Wow!” thought Cyril.

Then the Devil’s voice boomed out, “Maria, you have been a sinner so you are condemned to spend eternity with this hideous, wretched man.

Side-splitting Jokes3. Hoping for a miracle:

Bernard was a deeply religious man and one day he found himself trapped on the roof of his house following a terrible flood after the worst storms in living memory.

After an hour or so a man came by in a boat and shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Soon the water had completely submerged Bernard’s house and it was lapping around his waist.

Suddenly another man came by in a boat and shouted, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by and the water was now lapping around Bernard’s chest.

Yet another boat came along and a man shouted to Bernard, “Get in!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Well, the water kept on rising and it was now up around his neck when a helicopter appeared and down came a ladder. The crewman on the ladder shouted to Bernard, “Hey buddy, climb up!

No”, said Bernard, “I have faith in God. He will ensure my safety.

Another hour went by and the next thing Bernard knew he was standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

At this point Bernard felt very disheartened as he said to St Peter, “I feel completely let down. I truly believed God would save me.

Be fair”, said St Peter, “We did send you three boats and a helicopter.

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these jokes truly side-splitting dear reader.

However perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share this post with all  your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.