Here are some silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

There’s nothing smutty here, just genuinely good fun.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy a good laugh.

Silly jokes:

• What do you call zombies in the belfry?
• Dead ringers

 

• What’s it called when you borrow money to buy a bison?
• A buffaloan

 

• What do you call a rotten hot dog?
• A rankfurter

 

• What do you call a hippy’s wife?
• Mississippi

 

• What do you call a ghost who only haunts the town hall?
• The nightmayor

 

• What do you call a dance for people who hate each other?
• An avoidance

 

• What do you call an American sketch drawing?
• A Yankee doodle

 

• What do you call a goat that’s a professional comedian?
• Billy the Kid

 

• What do you call an ancient Egyptian ruler with no teeth?
• A gummy mummy

 

• What do you call a blonde police officer?
• A fair cop

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

• 27 funny comebacks that’ll prove no one should mess with you
• 15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing
• 3 funny stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 21 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud
• 10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing
• Here is some funny political satire with laughter guaranteed
• 5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day
• Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day
• 5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
• 8 hilariously funny jokes that’ll make you scream laughing

© Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

1. Fly Southwest:

Little Johnny was looking out of the plane’s window enjoying the experience of his first flight.

Deep in thought he suddenly turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

Well his mother was a little perturbed by this question and she struggled to think of an answer, so she said, “Johnny why don’t you ask the flight attendant?”

Little Johnny was not a child lacking in confidence, so he walked down the aisle and politely said to the flight attendant, “Excuse me, mam, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?“

The flight attendant had heard it all before of course but she smiled sweetly at Johnny and then asked, “Did your mom tell you to ask me that?“

Little Johnny returned her smile and said, “Yes mam, she did.”

“Well“, said the flight attendant, “you can tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mom to explain that to you.“

2. Voluntary donations:

Jim was driving home from the office one day when he found himself stuck in traffic because all the cars ahead of him had come to a complete standstill on the freeway. Nothing was moving at all.

Suddenly Jim noticed that there was a police officer walking down the line of traffic and approaching the car in front.

So Jim got out of his car and asked the police officer why there was a problem.

“Sir I’m so sorry for the inconvenience but the city’s Mayor is sitting in the middle of the road ahead and he’s in a state of extreme agitation,” said the police officer.

“He says he’s deep in debt and he’s threatening to douse his body with gasoline and then set fire to himself,” the police officer added.

“So what are you doing?” asked Jim.

“I’m going from car to car asking for donations,” the police officer responded.

“And how much have you collected so far?” Jim inquired.

“Well sir,” said the police officer, “we’ve only just started but drivers ahead have given us fifteen gallons so far and other drivers are still siphoning as we speak.”

3. Bubba’s tragic demise:

Sadly, Bubba was killed in suspicious circumstances in a terrible fire, suffering severe burns that left him completely unrecognizable.

In order to identify the body formally, the Los Angeles County medical examiner called in Bubba’s two close friends Jim-Bob and Joe-Bob.

The medical examiner showed Jim-Bob the body and he responded with a sharp intake of breath and then said, “Oh jeez, he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over please sir?”

So the medical examiner rolled the body and Jim-Bob responded immediately saying, “No sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

“Are you sure?” said the medical examiner.

“Yes sir, I’m sure,” Jim-Bob responded, “but you can ask Joe-Bob if you like.”

So Joe-Bob was brought into the mortuary and shown the body.

“Jeez,” said Joe-Bob, “he’s burnt to a crisp. Could you roll him over please sir?”

Though puzzled to receive this request once again, the medical examiner dutifully obliged and rolled the body.

Joe-Bob paused momentarily and then said, “No sir, that ain’t Bubba.”

The medical examiner was mystified by this turn of events. So he asked, “How can you possibly tell that it isn’t Bubba just by rolling him over?”

“Well sir,” said Joe-Bob, “Bubba had two assholes.”

“What do you mean, he had two assholes?” exclaimed the medical examiner.

“Yes sir, everyone knew that around here,” said Joe-Bob.

“How do you know?” the medical examiner asked.

To which Joe-Bob responded, “Because every time the three of us walked down Main Street together, you’d hear people say, ‘Here comes Bubba with two assholes’.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these humorous stories made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

• 3 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
• 5 entertaining short story jokes that will tickle you
• 5 really funny jokes that will have you weeping with laughter
• 3 humorous stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 10 silly jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 27 funny comebacks that’ll prove no one should mess with you
• 15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing
• 3 funny stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 21 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud
• 10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing
• 5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day
• Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

1. Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along the Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor woman, Emily pulled over and offered her a lift.

The Apache woman nodded silently in appreciation and climbed into the car.

Naturally Emily tried to engage her in conversation but initially the Apache woman remained silent and she seemed a bit nervous.

However as they progressed along the highway towards Phoenix the woman eventually started to relax a little and then she started to look around.

The old woman was looking closely at everything in the car, apparently studying every detail. Then she noticed a pale blue gift bag on the rear seat behind Emily.

“What’s in the bag?” she asked Emily, almost whispering.

“Oh,” Emily responded warmly, “it’s a bottle of Whiskey that I got for my husband.”

The Apache woman remained silent momentarily and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of someone who’s been around the block a few times, she smiled and said, “Good trade.”

2. The Naughty Boys

Charlotte had two young boys, Jack and Harry.

Jack and Harry were two young kids who were always getting themselves into trouble. If there was any mischief happening anywhere in their town, then usually Jack and Harry were involved and Charlotte knew this.

Naturally her boys’ wayward behaviour was a concern for Charlotte and it was an issue she was keen to resolve.

One day Charlotte read an article in the local newspaper about a clergyman in town who’d been very successful in disciplining young boys and improving their behaviour.

So Charlotte phoned the clergyman and asked him if he would speak with her boys.

The clergyman said he was happy to help but he was quick to stress that it was important that he see each of them separately.

So Charlotte decided to send young Harry to see the clergyman in the morning, with his elder brother Jack to follow in the afternoon.

The clergyman was an enormous man with a stern face and a big, booming voice.

He instructed Harry to sit down and then he asked him sternly, “Where is God?“

The clergyman’s approach scared the life out of Harry. His mouth dropped open but fear prevented him from speaking. He just sat there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open.

So the clergyman repeated the question but this time with an even sterner tone. “Where is God?” he said.

Again Harry made no attempt to respond. He was too scared.

So this time the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the Harry’s face, bellowing, “WHERE IS GOD?“

That was it for Harry. He jumped up from his chair, screamed and ran out of the room and all the way home. He didn’t stop running until he got to his own bedroom and then he hid in his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When Jack found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened dude?“

Still gasping for breath, Harry replied, “Dude, we are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think WE did it!“

3. The Test Results

John had been undergoing tests for a serious health concern for several weeks. Finally it was the day for him to receive his test results.

So he was sitting in his doctor’s office and he said, “Doc, I really need to know my test results! Not knowing is driving me crazy.“

His doctor reviewed at his notes again and then said, “Well John, there’s some good news and some bad news I’m afraid. Which one do you want first?”

To which John replied, “I think I’d prefer the good news first. Yeah Doc, let me have the good news first!”

“Well,” said the doctor, “I hear there are some amazing deals on cremations this week.“

4. A man and his Ostrich

A guy walks into a New York diner with an ostrich.

They both sit down at the counter and after a few moments the waitress asks them whether they’re ready to order.

“Yes,” said the guy, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke.”

He then looks at the ostrich and says, “What are you having?“

“The same,” says the ostrich.

About ten minutes later the waitress returns with their order and then says. “That’ll be $22.00 please.“

The man reaches into his pocket and, without even looking he pulls out the exact amount of money for payment.

The next day, the same guy and his ostrich return and once again the guy says, “I’ll have the cheeseburger with fries and a Coke please.“

And once again the ostrich says, “The same.“

Once again when their order arrives, the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to settle the bill.

This goes on for a few days and is becoming a routine, when one night they enter the diner and the waitress asks, “The usual?“

“No,” said the guy “as it’s Friday I’ll have the T-bone steak with a baked potato, a green salad and a glass of Merlot.”

“Same for me,” said the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and then says, “That’ll be $53.00.”

Once again the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount of money to pay the bill.

At this point the waitress is unable to suppress her curiosity any longer and she says to the guy, “Excuse me sir. How is it you always manage to pull from your pocket the exact amount of money? You do it every time.”

“Well,” said the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and I found an old oil lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and granted me two wishes.”

“Really?” said the waitress. “And what did you wish for?”

“Well my first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the exact amount of money would always be there,” said the guy.

“Now that’s brilliant!” the waitress responded. “Most people would wish for like a million dollars or something but you’ll always be as rich as you need to be for as long as you live!“

“That’s right,” said the guy. “Whether I’m buying a pitcher of beer or a Bugatti Chiron, the exact amount of money will always be there.”

The waitress was clearly impressed but still a little curious.

“So what’s with the ostrich then?” she enquired.

The guy sighs and then says, “Well, my second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.“

The waitress smiled at him and said, “Be careful what you wish for, hey?”

5. The Frog and the Fortune Teller

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out whether he’ll ever meet his princess.

The fortune teller looks into her crystal ball for a few moments and then says to the frog, “Well I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?“

“Let me have the good news first,” said the frog.

“Well, you’re going to meet the most beautiful girl in the world,” said the fortune teller. “She will be interested in you and she will want to know all about you. In fact she will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.“

“That sounds fantastic,” said the frog, “but what’s the bad news then?“

“You’re going to meet her in her Biology class,” replied the fortune teller.

If you enjoyed these jokes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these short story jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

• 5 really funny jokes that will have you weeping with laughter
• 3 humorous stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 10 silly jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 27 funny comebacks that’ll prove no one should mess with you
• 15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing
• 3 funny stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 21 witty one liners so good you’ll laugh out loud
• 10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing
• Here is some funny political satire with laughter guaranteed
• 5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today or any day
• Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

1. Flatulent Old Lady:

An old lady was having an embarrassing problem with bloating and gas, so she decided to see her physician.

“Hello Mrs Johnson,” said the doctor, “and what’s troubling you today?”

“Well Doctor Carmichael,” she responded, “I can’t stop breaking wind. Fortunately they’re silent and they don’t smell but it does feel embarrassing. Honestly, I’ve farted several times whilst I’ve been sitting here. What can I do?”

The kindly doctor smiled at her and said, “Mrs Johnson just take these pills three times a day for seven days and then come back and see me as soon as you’ve finished the medication.“

One week later Mrs Johnson is back in the doctor’s office and is clearly unhappy.

“Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills you gave me last week but my problem is even worse,” she said.

“In what way?” the doctor enquired.

“Well I’m still breaking wind just as much and they’re still silent,” she said, “but now the smell is terrible. I mean they really stink.”

“Excellent!” said the doctor. “That means we’ve fixed the problem with your sinuses. Now let’s see what we can do about your hearing.”

2. The Potato Peeler:

Sean was leaning against the counter in a Dublin bar enjoying a pint of Guinness when in walked his old friend Paddy looking decidedly glum.

“What’s the matter with you Patrick?” said Sean. “You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.”

“Oh, Sean,” he said. “I’ve just been fired from my job in the Fish & Chip shop.”

“You’ve been fired? Now why would they do that to you Patrick? What did you do that was so bad?” Sean enquired.

“Oh, I got caught putting my penis in the potato peeler.” Paddy responded.

“My God! Patrick that’s terrible. What happened to the potato peeler?” Sean naturally enquired.

“Oh she’s been fired too.” Said Paddy looking a little sheepish.

3. Farmer Jim’s Accident:

Farmer Jim decided to take the trucking company responsible for his accident to court because of the severity of his injuries.

Needless to say the trucking company hired a fancy lawyer and whilst questioning Farmer Jim in the court room he enquired, “Is it not true that at the scene of the accident you said specifically, in front of witnesses, ‘I’m fine’?“

Farmer Jim responded, “Sir, let me tell you what happened. I had just loaded my best mule Bessie into the…….“

“I didn’t ask you for any details sir,” the lawyer interrupted, “Answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’ Yes or No?”

Farmer Jim said, “Well, I’d just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road….“

Once again, the lawyer was quick to interrupt Farmer Jim mid-sentence.

Looking at the Judge the lawyer said, “Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman at the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.“

Well as luck would have it, the judge was interested in what Farmer Jim had to say, so he said to the lawyer, “I’m sorry sir but I’d like to hear what this man has to say. So I would ask him to continue with his story.”

Jim thanked the Judge and continued.

“Well,” he said, “I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and I was driving her down the highway when this huge truck with a trailer ran the stop sign and T-boned my truck.”

“And then what happened?” The Judge enquired.

“Well, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.” Jim responded.

“And were you hurt?” The Judge asked.

“Yes,” said Jim. “I was hurting real bad and I didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.”

“And then what happened?” the Judge asked.

“Well, shortly after the accident the Highway Patrolman appeared at the scene.” Jim said.

“And what did he do?” the Judge responded.

“Well Your Honor, he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her momentarily he then took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.” said Jim.

“And did you say to the Highway Patrolman that you were fine?” The Judge asked.

“Well,” said Jim. “After he shot Bessie, he came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me and said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had no choice but to shoot her. How are you feeling?’”

4. Day of Reckoning:

A Catholic priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates as St Peter processes the new arrivals to the Kingdom of Heaven.

Ahead of the priest in the queue is a guy dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, jeans and a leather jacket.

This guy gets to the front of the line and St Peter looks at his clipboard, looks the guy up and down and then asks, “Could you tell me your name please, so I may confirm whether you’re to be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

“Sure!” says the guy. “I’m Joe Cohen and I was a taxi driver in New York City.”

St Peter looks down his list and ticks off Joe Cohen’s name. He then smiles and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and the golden staff Mr Cohen and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Joe Cohen smiles and walks through the Pearly Gates in his silken robe and carrying the golden staff, whilst it’s the priest’s turn with St Peter.

Before St Peter can utter a single word the priest says, “I’m Father Joseph O’Donnell and I have been the parish priest at St Andrews Roman Catholic Church in Manhattan for the past 40 years.”

Once again St Peter consults his clipboard, ticks off Father O’Donnell’s name and then says, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff father and you may enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Having seen Joe Cohen receive a silken robe and a golden staff Father O’Donnell is left feeling a little short-changed.

“Hold it there, just a minute,” said Father O’Donnell. “How is it that Joe Cohen got silk and gold and yet I only get cotton and wood? How can this be? Surely there’s some mistake?”

“No mistake,” St Peter responded. “In heaven we reward by results. When you gave your sermons your congregation slept. When Joe Cohen drove his taxi his passengers prayed.”

5. The Annual Check-up:

An 85 year old man was visiting his doctor for his annual check-up.

“So Mr Jenkins, how are you keeping?” the doctor enquired.

“Doctor, I’ve never felt better,” Mr Jenkins responded. “I’ve even married my 18 year old girlfriend recently and she’s now pregnant with my child. So, how about that then?”

The doctor considered this momentarily and then said, “Let me tell you a story Mr Jenkins. A friend of mine was a keen hunter. One day he went out in a bit of a hurry and accidently picked up an umbrella instead of his gun.”

“Really?” said Mr Jenkins.

“Yes,” said the doctor. “Anyway, he was in the woods when suddenly a very large grizzly bear appeared in front of him. He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?”

Dumbfounded the old man said, “No Doc, what?”

“The bear dropped dead in front of him,” the doctor replied.

“No Doc, that can’t be right.” said the old man. “That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the bear.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Exactly!

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these really funny jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share it now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

• 25 clever one liners so funny you’ll howl laughing
• 29 brilliant one liner quotes that’ll make you smile
• 33 very clever one liners guaranteed to make you smile
• 35 short but brilliant one liner quotes you’ll love
• 35 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love
• 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult
• 3 humorous stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 10 silly jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 27 funny comebacks that’ll prove no one should mess with you
• 15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh
• 5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing
• 3 funny stories guaranteed to make you laugh
• 21 witty one liners so good you’ll laugh out loud
• 10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

Life shouldn’t be serious all the time. Occasionally we all need to smile.

So my question to you today is; do you like corny jokes?

No?

Well that’s a pity because I’ve found 13 of them that made me smile. And I hope they will make you smile too.

The source of these corny jokes is a website called Tickld which is new to me.

However I had a very pleasant time enjoying all the funnies it had on offer.

A link to Tickld is included so take a look but not before you’ve enjoyed what I thought was some of their best corny jokes.

And here are those 13 corny jokes for you:-

Corny Jokes:

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said: Thank you.

And I said: Don’t mention it!

 

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 

My friend said to me: What rhymes with orange?

And I said: No it doesn’t!

 

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Phillipe Phillope.

 

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

 

So what if I don’t know what Armageddon means? It’s not the end of the world.

 

How do you get two whales in a car? Start in England and drive west.

 

I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.

 

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey.

 

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

 

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones. But people in Abu Dhabi do!

 

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

 

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Please share these jokes with your friends on social media:

So did these corny jokes really make you smile? Were they all you hoped they’d be dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

Share the fun and everyone wins. Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day

And if you’d like to see what else Tickld has to offer then just CLICK HERE.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

• 10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud
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• Hilarious joke guaranteed to raise a laugh
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• 21 very corny jokes that will cheer you up guaranteed
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• 21 brilliant one-liners that will make you smile
• 3 funny story jokes to make you chuckle
• 3 funny stories that make you laugh until you cry
• 15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

If you’re like me then you’ll need a good laugh each and every day. It is after all the best medicine, they say. If nothing else it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I’d call black humor. That’s humor with a slightly darker edge?

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes are too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you dear reader then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

Black Humor Jokes:

• Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
• Patient: The good news please.
• Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately it suggests you have only two days to live.
• Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
• Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.

 

• Today really has been a terrible day.
• First my wife gets hit by a bus.
• Then I lose my job as a bus driver.

 

• The doctor gave me one year to live.
• So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
• The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.

 

• Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
• Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing. Quick get our daughter!

 

• Girl: So, what do you do?
• Boy: I work with animals every day.
• Girl: Oh that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
• Boy: I’m a butcher.

 

• What do you call a dog with no legs?
• Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.

 

• Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
• Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
• No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
• Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
• You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
• He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.

 

• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father did.
• Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.

 

• They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
• Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.

 

• Finally I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
• It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

 

• I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
• She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.

 

• Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
• Then don’t stand in front of the dart board!

 

• Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
• To get to the second hand shop.

 

• A man awakens from a coma.
• His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
• I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?

 

• If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
• If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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