5 funny stories with a twist that’ll make you laugh

FUNNY STORIES WITH A TWISTIf you’re in need of a laugh, then here are 5 funny stories with a twist, which might just help.

I thought they were all funny and I hope you do too.

Please enjoy them all and then feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories with a twist:

1. The Jigsaw Puzzle:

Joe lives next door to a slightly dotty old lady in her 90s named Mabel.

One day Joe gets a phone call from Mabel and she says to him, “Joe, can you please come over and help me? I’ve got a complicated jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get started.

So Joe thinks for a second and then he asks Mabel, “What’s the picture meant to be when it’s finished, Mabel?

The picture on the box is a rooster,” Mabel responds.

Joe’s busy but Mabel’s a dear old lady, so he decides to go over to help her.

Mabel welcomes Joe and escorts him into her dining room where the box and its contents are all over her dining table.

Joe surveys the situation in front of him and then he turns to Mabel and says, “Mabel, I have to tell you, there’s no way we’ll be assembling these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

Why’s that Joe?” Mable asks.

Joe smiles benevolently and then says, “Mabel, why don’t you make me a nice cup of tea.

OK Joe,” says Mabel with a smile.

And then Joe sighs deeply and says, “While you’re making the tea, I’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.

2. Finding Work:

Jim is a young guy living in a small town who fails to graduate from High School.

Having left school his father says to him, “Son, you failed High School but you’re a man now, so you must contribute some money to the household if you want to live here. So, get a job or you’ll have to find somewhere else to live.”

Naturally, Jim’s concerned about finding work without any qualifications. The local economy’s in bad shape and work prospects in the area are slim, at best.

However, there are three factories in town willing to hire the unskilled but they all have bad reputations as employers.

Having little choice, Jim gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the best of the three.

The experience of his first day is truly awful and he hates the place. Everyone is so miserable and people don’t speak with each other. Nevertheless, Jim is determined he’ll stick it out and try to make the best of it.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

It isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, this isn’t good enough. I’m not happy at all.

Jim panics and says, “Pa, I’ll do better. Don’t kick me out. Just give me a chance.”

He then goes out and gets himself a job at the factory widely regarded as the second-best of the three.

His experience on the first day in his new job is even worse than before. People look downtrodden and broken by their miserable lives. Everyone’s unhappy.

However, Jim’s determined that he won’t let his father down.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

Again, it isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, what are you thinking? This isn’t good enough either.

Well, Jim feels awful. However, he goes out and gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the worst in town.

The experience of his first day is the saddest you can imagine. Other employees are sobbing and some are even suicidal, seeing the natural release of death as being preferable to their miserable existence.

Every day is a struggle for Jim but he sticks at it and after two weeks he gets his first paycheck.

Fearing his father’s reaction, Jim stumbles on home, broken and assuming his fate would be to be thrown out onto the street.

He gets home and hands his father the check, fearing the worst.

His father looks at the check, then looks Jim in the eye and says, “Son, this is OK now. You’ve done a saddest factory job.

3. The Math Test:

The coach of a college football team walked into the locker room before a game, and said to his star player, “Listen, buddy, I’m not supposed to let you play because you failed your last Math test. However, I really need you out there for this game. So, I’ll ask you a Math question and, if you get it right, you can play.”

OK,” says the player, “go ahead, coach.”

Right, now you’ll need to think hard,” says the coach. “What is five multiplied by five?

The player thought momentarily and then said, “Coach, I’m not sure but I think it’s 25.”

“25!” exclaimed the coach, excited.

Oh, come on, coach,” the other players all immediately shouted in unison. “Give him another chance!

4. Trying Out for the Team:

A freshman built like an M1 Abrams Battle Tank tried out for the college football team.

Can you tackle?” asked the coach.

Sure, coach,” says the guy, “No problem!” With that, he proceeds to charge at a wooden telephone pole, shattering it into splinters.

Impressive,” says the coach. “Can you run?

Yes sir, coach. Watch me!” says the guy. With that he runs 100 metres, finishing in less than 10 seconds.

That’s fantastic,” says the coach, truly impressed. “But the question now is, can you pass the ball?

Well,” says the freshman, choosing his words carefully, “if I can swallow it, then I guess I’ll be able to pass it.

5. Cure for Coughing:

Johnny was a clerk in a drugstore but he really wasn’t very good at his job. However hard he tried, he could never find the item the customer wanted.

His boss, Bert, had really had enough of him and he gave Johnny a warning that unless he started making sales immediately, he’d have to let him go.

As luck would have it, within minutes, a man walks into the drugstore with a cough and he asks Johnny for their best cough syrup.

Though he tried hard, Johnny couldn’t find the cough syrup. However, with Bert’s warning still ringing in his ears, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax with the recommendation that he consumes the contents all at once.

The customer did as he was told and then walked into the street and promptly leaned up against a lamppost.

Now Bert had been observing Johnny’s performance from afar and he came over and asked him what had transpired.

Well boss, he wanted cough syrup but I couldn’t find it, so I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take them all at once,” said Johnny.

That’s absurd! Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough,” Bert reacted angrily.

Sure it will,” said Johnny. “Look at him now, leaning on that lamppost. He’s too afraid to cough.”

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FUNNY STORIES WITH A TWISTDear reader, did these funny stories with a twist make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

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6 funny long jokes that’ll make you smile

FUNNY LONG JOKEsIf you like telling your friends funny long jokes and you’re looking for some ammunition then here are six good ones that should make your friends smile.

Funny long jokes:

1. A face at the window:

Bill and Bobby Joe were leaving their local bar one night after a session of heavy drinking.

They’re both staggering, and they fall into Bobby Joe’s station wagon and he starts it up.

With the engine running and Bobby Joe still fumbling around in the driver’s seat, suddenly the face of an old man appears in the window on the passenger side, and he’s tapping lightly on the window.

It is pitch black out there and being taken completely by surprise, naturally this spooks Bill. So in reaction, he screams, “Oh my God, there’s a ghost!

Well, Bill’s remark spooks Bobby Joe too, so he puts his foot down and the station wagon begins to accelerate.

Bobby Joe can see the speedometer needle moving and yet, the face of the old man remains there in the window.

So Bill lowers the window and says, “What do you want, old man?

You got any tobacco?” the old man asks, softly.

Bill offers him a cigarette, and then shouts, “Step on the gas, Bobby Joe, and let’s get the hell out of here!

Well, the speedometer on the station wagon is approaching 80, and Bobby Joe looks at it and says, “We’ll be fine, he can’t catch us now.

Suddenly they hear the tapping on the window again, and it’s the same old man.

So, Bill rolls down the window once again and says, “What is it now?

Have you got a light?” the old man asks, politely.

Bill lights the man’s cigarette and then shouts, “Bobby Joe, step on it!

So, Bobby Joe presses the accelerator hard down to the floor and watches as the speedometer exceeds 100 miles per hour.

Once again Bobby Joe remarks, “We’ll be fine Bill, he can’t catch us now.

Well, a minute or two passes, and they hear that tapping on the window again.

Bill lowers the window and screams, “What the hell is it now, old man?

Your wheels are still spinning in the mud,” the old man responds softly, pointing to the rear of the vehicle.

2. The stakeout:

Rookie police officer, Jim Smith, has been assigned the role of staking out a local bar one night watching out for potential DUI violations.

As the evening draws to a close, he watches as one young man staggers out of the bar and tries his keys in five different cars before finding his own.

The young man fumbles for a few minutes, as Officer Smith keeps an Eagle eye on him, and eventually, the car door opens and the young man falls into the driver’s seat.

Officer Smith watches the young man like a hawk, waiting to pounce, as other patrons start leaving the bar and driving off in their cars.

Eventually, the young man gets his car started and attempts to drive away.

At that point, Officer Smith makes his move and pulls him over.

Sir, I must caution you that I suspect you’re driving under the influence and I need you to blow into this breathalyzer for me, please,” Officer Smith says politely but very firmly.

The young man does as requested and then hands the breathalyzer back to Officer Smith for checking.

Officer Smith looks closely at the blood-alcohol content score and it measures zero.

Officer Smith is puzzled by this outcome and demands to know what’s going on.

The young man smiles and says, “Sir, tonight it was my turn as designated decoy.

3. The black bear:

A big black bear walks into a bar and orders a beer.

I’m sorry,” the bartender responds, “but we don’t serve bears beer in this bar. That’s our policy.

Well, the bear is not amused. It rears back a little and then growls, “I don’t care about your policy. I’m a bear and I want a beer.”

The bartender remains calm, smiles, and then replies, “I get it, you’re not happy, but as I said, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar.”

The bear stands up at full height, raises its massive paws and howls, “I’m a bear and I want a beer! And if I don’t get me a beer now, I will eat one of your customers.

The bartender remains unfazed by the situation. He just smiles and says, “Listen, buddy, do whatever you gotta do but I won’t be serving you a beer.

So, the bear walks down to the end of the bar grabs a gin-soaked, drunken lady sitting at the counter, and greedily eats her.

Once he’s finished eating her, he returns to face the bartender, looks him in the eye and declares, “Right, you’ve seen what I can do. I’m a bear, and I want a beer.

The bartender is still unfazed.

Listen, buddy,” he says, “I’ve told you already, we don’t serve beer to bears in this bar. And for that matter, we don’t serve drug addicts either.”

DRUG ADDICT!” the bear roars, “What the hell are you talking about?

The bartender looks the bear in the eye and says, “That was a bar-bitch-you-ate.”

4. The challenge:

Jerry was an Iron Man champion who also owned a bar just off the Las Vegas Strip.

Everyone in town knew that Jerry was the strongest man around and knowing that visitors to Las Vegas liked a bet, he used that to his advantage in attracting people into his bar.

On the counter, there was a big sign headlined Challenge Jerry. In the small print, it explained the bet was that anyone who could beat Jerry in a strongman challenge could win $1,000. The cost of the bet was $10.

In the challenge, Jerry would squeeze the juice from an orange into a glass. Once Jerry had squeezed the life out of the orange, challengers had to take the orange and see if they could squeeze any more juice from it.

Over the years truck drivers, lumberjacks, weightlifters and all sorts of tough guys had tried to beat Jerry in this challenge but, so far, no one had ever got the better of him.

One day a small, thin, weak-looking, middle-aged man with thinning hair and heavy-rimmed spectacles walked into the bar, slapped a $10 bill on the counter and said that he was willing to take up the challenge.

Everyone in the bar started laughing at the idea that this weak-looking, little man would have any chance of beating Jerry and walking out with the $1,000.

Jerry smiled at the man, picked up the $10 and said, “OK Buddy, you’ve got yourself a bet.

He then picks up one of California’s finest and squeezes the juice out of it until the glass is almost full. What remained of the orange was then handed to the challenger.

The little man focused momentarily and then started squeezing as hard as he could with both hands. To everyone’s amazement, within seconds, half a dozen drops of juice dripped into the glass.

Jerry congratulated the man on his success and handed him $1,000.

I’m impressed,” said Jerry. “What do you do for a living, buddy? I’m guessing you must be a lumberjack?

Oh no,” the man responded. “I work for the IRS.

5. The DEA Agent:

Steve McShane is an agent with the Drug Enforcement Agency based in Arizona and he’s had a tip-off that a farmer near Scottsdale is growing marijuana in one of his fields.

So McShane shows up at the farm one day unannounced and says to the farmer, “Hey buddy, I’m from the DEA and I’ve got a warrant to search your farm, as we suspect you of growing illegal narcotics.

Really!” the farmer says a little surprised, “I don’t know where you got that idea, but I guess I’ve got no choice but to let you do whatever you’ve got to do. However, I must warn you DO NOT go in the backfield.

Well, McShane is a little put out by this last comment, so he pulls out his badge and says to the farmer, “Now listen old man, do you see this badge? Take a good look at it, buddy. This badge says I’m with the DEA. And with this badge, I’ve got access to all areas. Do you hear what I’m sayin’? No one or nothing can stop me. You got that?

Yes sir!” said the farmer.

With that Steve McShane heads straight for the backfield believing the farmer’s comment was an attempt to deflect him from looking in the place where the marijuana is being grown.

Within minutes the farmer sees the DEA man running as though his life depended on it. And it did, as McShane was being chased by the biggest, meanest, fastest bull you’ve ever seen.

As the bull closes on him, McShane screams at the farmer for help.

SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!” shouts the farmer. “Just tell him it gives you access to all areas.

6. Spelling Test:

Beryl’s married life had not been a happy one, and sadly one day, she passed away.

Suddenly, she finds herself standing at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

Hello, Beryl,” St Peter says, warmly. “You’ve done your best to lead a good and decent life, I know, so all I need is for you to spell one word correctly and you’ll be admitted to the kingdom of Heaven.

Right!” said Beryl. “And what word do I need to spell?

That word is love, Beryl,” St Peter responds. “Can you spell it for me?

Yes, of course,” said Beryl. “It’s L O V E.

Well done,” St Peter responds, “and welcome to the kingdom of Heaven.

Beryl quickly settles into life in Heaven and finds a new sense of purpose in helping St Peter will his many duties.

St Peter begins to rely on her so much that one day, when he’s very busy, he asks her to deputize for him at the Pearly Gates, checking new arrivals.

As luck would have it, Beryl’s husband appears at the Pearly Gates whilst she’s on duty.

Oh, it’s you,” says Beryl. “Well, I’ve got to tell you that you won’t be admitted to Heaven unless you can spell one word correctly for me. And you only get one chance to spell it perfectly.

Right!” says her husband. “And what word do I need to spell for you?

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu,” Beryl responds, smiling brightly.

If you enjoyed these long jokes, please share them:

FUNNY LONG JOKESSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny long jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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