5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

FUNNY JOKE STORIESIf you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin staring at his drink when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

That tasted real good boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going do about it?

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?

This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule has just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?

I’m sorry but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?

Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson but very quickly he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer and he says, “Praise the Lord!

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds she could be heard screaming, as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant, she’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?

Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?

I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.

What do you mean?” the guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.

Well, the bartender’s not happy but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

What the hell are you doing in here,” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.

What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

That’s very kind of you,” says the guy, “a double Scotch would be great. Thank you.

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy if I show you a really good trick will you give me a free drink?

Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sits the rat at the piano and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip at his ice-cold beer and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?

Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you “$100,000 for the frog.”

The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account, via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.

What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

5 funny stories with a twist that’ll make you laugh

FUNNY STORIES WITH A TWISTIf you’re in need of a laugh, then here are 5 funny stories with a twist, which might just help.

I thought they were all funny and I hope you do too.

Please enjoy them all and then feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories with a twist:

1. The Jigsaw Puzzle:

Joe lives next door to a slightly dotty old lady in her 90s named Mabel.

One day Joe gets a phone call from Mabel and she says to him, “Joe, can you please come over and help me? I’ve got a complicated jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get started.

So Joe thinks for a second and then he asks Mabel, “What’s the picture meant to be when it’s finished, Mabel?

The picture on the box is a rooster,” Mabel responds.

Joe’s busy but Mabel’s a dear old lady, so he decides to go over to help her.

Mabel welcomes Joe and escorts him into her dining room where the box and its contents are all over her dining table.

Joe surveys the situation in front of him and then he turns to Mabel and says, “Mabel, I have to tell you, there’s no way we’ll be assembling these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

Why’s that Joe?” Mable asks.

Joe smiles benevolently and then says, “Mabel, why don’t you make me a nice cup of tea.

OK Joe,” says Mabel with a smile.

And then Joe sighs deeply and says, “While you’re making the tea, I’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.

2. Finding Work:

Jim is a young guy living in a small town who fails to graduate from High School.

Having left school his father says to him, “Son, you failed High School but you’re a man now, so you must contribute some money to the household if you want to live here. So, get a job or you’ll have to find somewhere else to live.”

Naturally, Jim’s concerned about finding work without any qualifications. The local economy’s in bad shape and work prospects in the area are slim, at best.

However, there are three factories in town willing to hire the unskilled but they all have bad reputations as employers.

Having little choice, Jim gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the best of the three.

The experience of his first day is truly awful and he hates the place. Everyone is so miserable and people don’t speak with each other. Nevertheless, Jim is determined he’ll stick it out and try to make the best of it.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

It isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, this isn’t good enough. I’m not happy at all.

Jim panics and says, “Pa, I’ll do better. Don’t kick me out. Just give me a chance.”

He then goes out and gets himself a job at the factory widely regarded as the second-best of the three.

His experience on the first day in his new job is even worse than before. People look downtrodden and broken by their miserable lives. Everyone’s unhappy.

However, Jim’s determined that he won’t let his father down.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

Again, it isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, what are you thinking? This isn’t good enough either.

Well, Jim feels awful. However, he goes out and gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the worst in town.

The experience of his first day is the saddest you can imagine. Other employees are sobbing and some are even suicidal, seeing the natural release of death as being preferable to their miserable existence.

Every day is a struggle for Jim but he sticks at it and after two weeks he gets his first paycheck.

Fearing his father’s reaction, Jim stumbles on home, broken and assuming his fate would be to be thrown out onto the street.

He gets home and hands his father the check, fearing the worst.

His father looks at the check, then looks Jim in the eye and says, “Son, this is OK now. You’ve done a saddest factory job.

3. The Math Test:

The coach of a college football team walked into the locker room before a game, and said to his star player, “Listen, buddy, I’m not supposed to let you play because you failed your last Math test. However, I really need you out there for this game. So, I’ll ask you a Math question and, if you get it right, you can play.”

OK,” says the player, “go ahead, coach.”

Right, now you’ll need to think hard,” says the coach. “What is five multiplied by five?

The player thought momentarily and then said, “Coach, I’m not sure but I think it’s 25.”

“25!” exclaimed the coach, excited.

Oh, come on, coach,” the other players all immediately shouted in unison. “Give him another chance!

4. Trying Out for the Team:

A freshman built like an M1 Abrams Battle Tank tried out for the college football team.

Can you tackle?” asked the coach.

Sure, coach,” says the guy, “No problem!” With that, he proceeds to charge at a wooden telephone pole, shattering it into splinters.

Impressive,” says the coach. “Can you run?

Yes sir, coach. Watch me!” says the guy. With that he runs 100 metres, finishing in less than 10 seconds.

That’s fantastic,” says the coach, truly impressed. “But the question now is, can you pass the ball?

Well,” says the freshman, choosing his words carefully, “if I can swallow it, then I guess I’ll be able to pass it.

5. Cure for Coughing:

Johnny was a clerk in a drugstore but he really wasn’t very good at his job. However hard he tried, he could never find the item the customer wanted.

His boss, Bert, had really had enough of him and he gave Johnny a warning that unless he started making sales immediately, he’d have to let him go.

As luck would have it, within minutes, a man walks into the drugstore with a cough and he asks Johnny for their best cough syrup.

Though he tried hard, Johnny couldn’t find the cough syrup. However, with Bert’s warning still ringing in his ears, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax with the recommendation that he consumes the contents all at once.

The customer did as he was told and then walked into the street and promptly leaned up against a lamppost.

Now Bert had been observing Johnny’s performance from afar and he came over and asked him what had transpired.

Well boss, he wanted cough syrup but I couldn’t find it, so I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take them all at once,” said Johnny.

That’s absurd! Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough,” Bert reacted angrily.

Sure it will,” said Johnny. “Look at him now, leaning on that lamppost. He’s too afraid to cough.”

Please share this post with your friends:

FUNNY STORIES WITH A TWISTDear reader, did these funny stories with a twist make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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