30 silliest Christmas cracker jokes, so bad they’re funny

Christmas-cracker-jokesDear reader, do you enjoy Christmas cracker jokes? Those corny jokes and puns you look for, having pulled your Christmas cracker?

I must confess, I love them and I’ve collected 30 of the best ones here in the hope that you might find them amusing.

Whether Christmas is an occasion you celebrate or not, I do hope one or two of these silly jokes will make you smile.

Christmas cracker jokes (1-15):

  1. What is white and minty? A polo bear!
  2. When is a boat just like snow? When it’s adrift.
  3. What goes Ho, Ho, Ho, thump? Santa laughing his head off.
  4. How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
  5. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph!
  6. What did Santa say to his wife? It’s going to reindeer!
  7. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because of his bad elf.
  8. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsilitis!
  9. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
  10. What does Miley Cyrus prefer for Christmas dinner? Twerky!
  11. What do you call Santa’s little helpers? Subordinate Clauses!
  12. What is Santa’s favourite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho!
  13. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
  14. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
  15. What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

Christmas cracker jokes (16-30):

  1. Why did Santa’s little helper lack confidence? Because he had low elf esteem!
  2. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus!
  3. What do you call Santa when he forgets to wear his underpants? Saint Knickerless!
  4. Why did the turkey cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  5. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  6. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my elf!
  7. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
  8. Why was the snowman rummaging in a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  9. Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
  10. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party? Because he had nobody to go with!
  11. What do you get when you cross a pine cone and a polar bear? A fur tree!
  12. What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
  13. How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh-in a manger!
  14. What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus when she looked up at the sky on the night of Christmas Eve? Looks like rain, dear!
  15. Why did Santa say that sprouts shouldn’t be our vegetable of choice on Christmas Day? All he was sayin’ was give peas a chance!

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Christmas-cracker-jokesSo dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? Did you enjoy reading it? Did any of the Christmas cracker jokes make you smile?

If you did enjoy this article then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy groaning at Christmas cracker jokes, so please share this post now.

If you could share this post then I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

And before I go, allow me to offer my best wishes to everyone celebrating Christmas today. I hope your Christmas is filled with the love of family and friends.

And for those for whom today is just another working day, I hope wherever you are, that your life is peaceful, safe and prosperous and I hope 2022 proves to be all you’d like it to be.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

hilarious-jokesIf you’re in need of a good laugh and let’s face it, we all need a good laugh, then once again I have a collection of jokes just for you dear reader. Here are 10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh out loud

Take a few moments to enjoy this batch of jokes because let’s face it, it would be wrong not to.

And remember; if they have you laughing then please, please share this post with your friends on social media.

Hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh:

1. One man and his talking dog:

Jim walks into a New York bar with his dog Fido.

Jim walks right up to the bar, turns to face the seated customers and says, “This is my dog Fido and believe it or not, he’s a talking dog. If I can demonstrate to you that Fido can answer any of my questions who will buy me a drink?

Listen, buddy, if you can demonstrate that Fido can talk, you can have a drink on the house,” says the bartender.

So Jim turns to Fido and asks, “What goes on the top of a house?

Roof!” Fido responds.

What does tree bark feel like?” asks Jim.

Rough!” says Fido.

Who was the greatest baseball player ever?” asks Jim.

Ruth!” says Fido.

The bartender is really unimpressed with what he’s hearing and he snaps at Jim. “You’re a phoney buddy. We’re not fooled by any of that. You and your dog can get out of here right now. Go on, on your way!

As Jim and his dog are thrown out onto the street, Fido looks sadly at Jim and says. “What did I do wrong? Should I have said, Joe DiMaggio or Mickey Mantle?

2. The thief and the Parrot:

A thief breaks into a house when he thinks no one will be at home.

He’s creeping carefully through the property and as he steps into the lounge he’s stopped dead in his tracks when he suddenly hears someone say very clearly, “Jesus is watching you!

He stands very still for a moment until everything in the house falls silent again. At this point, he moves forward very slowly.

Once again he hears that voice, “Jesus is watching you!

The thief is now frightened out of his wits and he stops once again to focus on locating the voice.

He’s looking around peering into the darkness when he spots a birdcage and in the birdcage is a parrot.

The thief looks the parrot in the eyes and asks, “Was that you who said, ‘Jesus is watching me’?

Yes”, said the parrot.

The thief relaxes and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness for that”, he says to the parrot. “What’s your name?

The family here call me Ronald”, said the parrot.

Ronald? You cannot be serious!” laughs the thief. “What sort of family calls their pet parrot Ronald?

The sort of family that call their ferocious, Rottweiler guard dog Jesus” the parrot responds.

3. Hospital banter:

Five surgeons are taking their lunch break and enjoying a little banter to relax. The conversation moves on quickly to the people they regard as the best patients.

The first surgeon says, “For me, it’s got to be accountants. They are the best people to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered.

The second surgeon responds, “No, I don’t agree. Librarians have to be the best people on which to operate because everything inside them is in alphabetical order.

The third surgeon thinks for a minute, smiles and then he says, “Sounds like you’ve never operated on an electrician. When you open them up you’ll find everything inside them is colour-coded!

The fourth surgeon laughs and says,” Well personally I prefer lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and butts are interchangeable.

The fifth surgeon has been quietly listening to the conversation so far when he’s asked by the others what he thinks.

Well I like to operate on engineers because they’re always very understanding if I find myself with a few parts left over when the job’s done,” he says.

4. Talking dog for sale:

A couple is out for a walk when they notice a large sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.

They are both intrigued by the idea of a talking dog, so they knock on the door and ask if they can take a look at this dog

Sure!” says the owner, “Come on in.

The owner escorts them into the lounge where the dog is lying on the sofa watching television.

Hello,” they say to the dog.

Hello,” the dog responds.

What have you done with your life so far then?” the couple ask the dog.

Well actually I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog.

Really?” says the couple.

Yes really,” says the dog. “I’ve lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I work part-time reading to the residents in a retirement home.

The couple is amazed by this. They can’t believe any dog could have done quite so much.

One of them then asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of this amazing dog?

“Oh, we’re getting rid of him because he’s a liar. He’s not done any of those things” says the owner.

5. Miscommunication:

Jed goes into a public restroom and he’s barely sat down in the cubicle when he hears a voice say, “Hi, how are you?

Feeling a little embarrassed Jed says politely, “Well I guess I’m doing fine thank you!

The voice then responds, “So what are you up to?

Jed is even more embarrassed but once again he responds politely, “Well just like you, I’m sitting here trying to get a load off my mind.

He then hears the voice say, “Hey, can I come over?

Jed is now extremely embarrassed and starting to get slightly irritated too, so he snaps back, “Look, surely you understand I’m a bit busy right now!

At this point, he hears the voice say, “Jane listen, I’ll have to call you back. There’s an idiot in the next cubicle who keeps responding to all my questions!

6. Two hunters:

Two hunters are out in the woods hunting bears when one of them suddenly collapses.

The other guy checks him over and realises that he’s not breathing and his eyes are a bit glazed. So he grabs his cell phone and immediately calls 911.

I think my friend’s dead!” he yells down the phone with panic in his voice. “What should I do?

Sir, if you can just calm down I’ll help you,” says the operator calmly. “Let’s just make sure he’s dead first.

There’s then a moment of silence, followed by what is clearly a gunshot.

Back on the phone, the guy then says to the operator, “Right, now what?

7. Cosmetic surgery:

Jill, a middle-aged woman, is having surgery in hospital following a severe heart attack when she has a vision of God by her bedside.

Will I die God?” she asks.

To which God responds, “No my dear, you still have 30 more years to live yet.

Well if she’s got 30 more years to look forward to and since she’s in hospital anyway, Jill decides she might as well make the most of her operation.

So she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, a hair transplant, and collagen injections in her lips. When it’s all finished and the bruises have healed she looks absolutely stunning and 10 years younger.

The day she’s discharged from the hospital, she leaves the hospital with a real spring in her step. Feeling very good about her makeover, Jill steps into the street and is immediately knocked down by an ambulance and killed.

As she steps through the Pearly Gates, Jill sees God and decides to complain. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she says to God.

Well that’s true,” says God.

So what happened?” Jill asks.

To which God shrugs and says, “I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you.

8. Kids are smarter than you think:

A young boy walks into a barber’s shop and the barber whispers to the customer to whom he’s currently attending, “This kid has got to be the dumbest kid in the world. Watch and I’ll prove it to you.

The barber then puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then he says to the boy, ‘Hey kid, which do you want the dollar bill or the quarters?’

The boy decides to take the quarters and then he leaves the shop.

What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That dumb kid never learns!

Later, when the customer is leaving the barber’s shop he sees the same kid coming out of the ice cream store.

“Hey, kid! May I ask you a question?” asks the customer. “Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?

The boy licks his ice cream for a moment before saying, “Because the day I take the dollar bill the game is over!

9. Classmates:

While waiting for her first appointment with her new dentist, Jane notices his degree certificate on the wall, which includes his full name.

Suddenly, Jane remembers a tall, handsome boy from her High School class some 45 years ago who had exactly the same name. Naturally, she wonders whether this can be the same guy.

However, upon seeing him, she quickly dismisses any such thought. Surely this ageing, balding, grey-haired old man with a deeply lined face could not possibly be one of her old High School classmates?

After he had finished examining her teeth, Jane decides to ask him whether he attended the local high school.

Yes,” he replied.

That’s amazing. What year did you graduate then?” Jane asks.

In 1973” he responds.

Amazing, you were in my class!” Jane exclaims.

He looks at her closely and then asks, “What subject did you teach?

10. The Monastery:

Every ten years in the Monastery, the monks were allowed to break their vow of silence to speak just two words.

With ten years gone by, Brother Michael gets his first chance to speak.

He thinks for a second and then says, “Food bad.

Another ten years go by and again Brother Michael has an opportunity to speak briefly and on this occasion, he says, “Bed hard.

A further decade later, it’s the big day once more. However this time Brother Michael gives the head monk a long stare before saying, “I quit.

To which the head monk responds, “I’m not surprised. You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.

hilarious-jokesPlease share this post:

So did these hilarious jokes make you laugh out loud? Were they all you hoped they’d be dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

5 short funny stories for adults that’ll raise a smile

Short-Funny-Stories-for-AdultsIf you’ve been searching for some short funny stories for adults then here are five that will raise a smile, I’m sure.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny stories for adults:

1. The lions and the lamp:

Three hungry lions are wandering across the Serengeti National Park in search of food when they stumble upon an old oil lamp.

Having never seen one before, and being naturally curious, they start sniffing around it. As they’re doing this, one of their tails brushes against the lamp and then there’s a ‘Poof!’ sound.’ A genie is suddenly standing in front of them.

Lions,” says the genie, “I’m the genie of the lamp and I’ll grant you three wishes. That’s one wish for each of you.”

The first lion’s so hungry he doesn’t need to think very hard.

I would like a big, juicy piece of meat please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, there’s the biggest, juiciest piece of meat lying on the ground in front of him.

Well, it’s the turn of the second lion and he’s so hungry he decides he wants even more.

I want a shower of meat, please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, there are big, juicy pieces of meat falling from the sky.

Not wishing to be outdone by his friends, the third lion thinks hard for a second or two.

Got it!” he says. “I want a meatier shower!

2. Parents know best:

Two young brothers, Will and Jack had very different, extreme personalities.

Their parents quickly realized that Will was a born optimist, whilst Jack was a real pessimist.

So being concerned about them both, their parents decided to take them to see a child psychologist.

The psychologist thought the parents were overreacting and tried to reassure them.

Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.”

In an attempt to allay their fears, he then took Jack into a room filled with the most exciting toys any child could possibly imagine.

Naturally, the psychologist expected to see Jack play with all these toys enthusiastically.

However, Jack just burst into tears.

What’s the matter?” asked the psychologist. “Don’t you want to play with all these wonderful toys?

No!” Jack responded. “I might break them and then I’ll be in big trouble.”

Well, the psychologist was surprised by Jack’s extreme pessimism but he just couldn’t believe that both boys would be quite so different.

So, he decides to take Will into another room.

This room is filled from floor to ceiling with horse manure.

Naturally, the psychologist was expecting Jack to be completely repulsed by the experience.

However, Will was in his element and he quickly started digging at the manure with his bare hands.

What are you doing?” asked the psychologist. “Why are you digging?

With all this manure,” replied Will, “there’s got to be a horse here somewhere!

Moral of the Story: No one knows kids better than their parents.

3. The new teacher:

A new teacher is sitting with her 6th grade class for the first time.

Naturally, she’s keen to apply all the techniques she’s learned in her teacher training, and in particular, she’s keen to use what she’s learned in her psychology class.

She stands in front of her class and says, “Right children, everyone who thinks they’re stupid, please stand up.

Well, for a few minutes there’s silence and no one stands up.

However, just then Little Johnny bravely gets to his feet.

The teacher smiles and says, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?

No mam,” Johnny responded, “but it’s not fair, you standing there all on your own.”

4. On the Starship Enterprise:

On the Starship Enterprise, Captain Kirk is chatting with Doctor Spock one day.

Spock,” says Captain Kirk, “you always remain calm and good-natured, even when you’re talking to people who are obviously far less intelligent than you. How do you do it?

Well, Jim,” says Spock. “I convey my contempt for people I consider inferior to me by simply agreeing with whatever they say.”

Really?” says Captain Kirk. “That’s absolutely ridiculous!

I completely agree with you, Jim,” Spock responded with a smile.

short-funny-stories-for-adults-25. Telling the time:

Two old Army buddies, Jim and Pete, are sitting up late at night enjoying a bottle of the finest Scotch and reminiscing about old times in foreign places.

They’ve been drinking all evening and they’re starting to get a little tipsy, to say the least.

Eventually, Jim asks, “What time is it?

To which Pete responds, “I don’t know but give me your old bugle.”

Why?” Jim asks. “How can you tell the time with a bugle?

It’s easy,” says Pete. “Just watch me.”

Jim passes him the bugle and Pete starts playing Reveille very, very loudly.

Within seconds a voice shouts from the floor above, “Who the hell’s playing the bugle at one o’clock in the morning?

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did any of these short funny stories for adults make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny joke stories that’ll raise a smile in any social gathering

funny-joke-storiesIf you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work then here are three you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin staring at his drink when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

That tasted real good boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going do about it?

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

Oh, man-up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?

This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule has just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?

I’m sorry but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?

Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson but very quickly he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer and he says, “Praise the Lord!

3. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and he says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, if I show you a really good trick will you give me a free drink?

Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sits the rat at the piano and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip at his ice-cold beer and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?

Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you “$100,000 for the frog.”

The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account, via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.

What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny stories with a twist that’ll make you laugh

funny-stories-with-a-twistIf you’re in need of a laugh, then here are 3 funny stories with a twist, which might just help.

I thought they were all funny and I hope you do too.

Please enjoy them all and then feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories with a twist:

1. The Jigsaw Puzzle:

Joe lives next door to a slightly dotty old lady in her 90s named Mabel.

One day Joe gets a phone call from Mabel and she says to him, “Joe, can you please come over and help me? I’ve got a complicated jigsaw puzzle and I can’t figure out how to get started.

So Joe thinks for a second and then he asks Mabel, “What’s the picture meant to be when it’s finished, Mabel?

The picture on the box is a rooster,” Mabel responds.

Joe’s busy but Mabel’s a dear old lady, so he decides to go over to help her.

Mabel welcomes Joe and escorts him into her dining room where the box and its contents are all over her dining table.

Joe surveys the situation in front of him and then he turns to Mabel and says, “Mabel, I have to tell you, there’s no way we’ll be assembling these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”

Why’s that Joe?” Mable asks.

Joe smiles benevolently and then says, “Mabel, why don’t you make me a nice cup of tea.

OK Joe,” says Mabel with a smile.

And then Joe sighs deeply and says, “While you’re making the tea, I’ll put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.

2. Finding work:

Jim is a young guy living in a small town who fails to graduate from High School.

Having left school his father says to him, “Son, you failed High School but you’re a man now, so you must contribute some money to the household if you want to live here. So, get a job or you’ll have to find somewhere else to live.”

Naturally, Jim’s concerned about finding work without any qualifications. The local economy’s in bad shape and work prospects in the area are slim, at best.

However, there are three factories in town willing to hire the unskilled but they all have bad reputations as employers.

Having little choice, Jim gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the best of the three.

The experience of his first day is truly awful and he hates the place. Everyone is so miserable and people don’t speak with each other. Nevertheless, Jim is determined he’ll stick it out and try to make the best of it.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

It isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, this isn’t good enough. I’m not happy at all.

Jim panics and says, “Pa, I’ll do better. Don’t kick me out. Just give me a chance.”

He then goes out and gets himself a job at the factory widely regarded as the second-best of the three.

His experience of the first day in his new job is even worse than before. People look downtrodden and broken by their miserable lives. Everyone’s unhappy.

However, Jim’s determined that he won’t let his father down.

Two weeks go by and Jim gets his first paycheck.

Again, it isn’t much but he takes it home with pride to show his father.

His father looks at the check and then says, “Son, what are you thinking? This isn’t good enough either.

Well, Jim feels awful. However, he goes out and gets a job at the factory widely regarded as the worst in town.

The experience of his first day is the saddest you can imagine. Other employees are sobbing and some are even suicidal, seeing the natural release of death as being preferable to their miserable existence.

Every day is a struggle for Jim but he sticks at it and after two weeks he gets his first paycheck.

Fearing his father’s reaction, Jim stumbles on home, broken and assuming his fate would be to be thrown out onto the street.

He gets home and hands his father the check, fearing the worst.

His father looks at the check, then looks Jim in the eye and says, “Son, this is OK now. You’ve done a saddest factory job.

3. Cure for coughing:

Johnny was a clerk in a drugstore but he really wasn’t very good at his job. However hard he tried, he could never find the item the customer wanted.

His boss, Bert, had really had enough of him and he gave Johnny a warning that unless he started making sales immediately, he’d have to let him go.

As luck would have it, within minutes, a man walks into the drugstore with a cough and he asks Johnny for their best cough syrup.

Though he tried hard, Johnny couldn’t find the cough syrup. However, with Bert’s warning still ringing in his ears, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax with the recommendation that he consumes the contents all at once.

The customer did as he was told and then walked into the street and promptly leaned up against a lamppost.

Now Bert had been observing Johnny’s performance from afar and he came over and asked him what had transpired.

Well boss, he wanted cough syrup but I couldn’t find it, so I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take them all at once,” said Johnny.

That’s absurd! Ex-Lax won’t cure a cough,” Bert reacted angrily.

Sure it will,” said Johnny. “Look at him now, leaning on that lamppost. He’s too afraid to cough.”

funny-stories-with-a-twist-2Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny stories with a twist make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

32 witty, one-liner jokes about getting old to make you smile

jokes-about-getting-old-2Looking for some jokes about getting old, dear reader? Well, today I can offer you 32 of them.

Whether you’re young or old, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate to a few of them.

I hope you enjoy them all and I hope they make you smile. Certainly, they all made me smile.

So take a few moments to read them all and then, please pass them on.

Jokes about getting old:

  1. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  2. Women rarely admit their age; men rarely act it.
  3. I’m so old that my first car was a covered wagon.
  4. How come everyone my age seems older than me?
  5. I’m at the age where I can’t keep up with all the things I hate.
  6. A wise man remembers a woman’s birthday but never her age.
  7. I’m so old I can remember when emojis were called hieroglyphics.
  8. Regular naps will prevent old age, especially if taken whilst driving.
  9. Ageing gracefully is the polite way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.
  10. You know you’re old when dining out means catching the early bird special.
  11. We were so poor growing up we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.
  12. You know you’re old when people call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”
  13. I believe in loyalty. So, when I got to a certain age I decided to stick with it.
  14. My wife’s so vain, she’d rather pay full price than admit she’s a senior citizen.
  15. I’d like to say I’m ageing like fine wine but in my case, it’s more like a fine banana.
  16. I like older women because they’re used to life’s disappointments, so they’re ready for me.
  17. When you’re old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you’re there.
  18. Old age is when your old classmates are so grey, wrinkled and bald that they no longer recognize you.
  19. If it’s your birthday today, you should congratulate yourself. Especially if you’re still able to remember it.
  20. The older I get, the more cults make perfect sense. Do you know how hard it is to make friends as an adult?
  21. You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
  22. The skill of the diplomat is the ability to tell someone to go to Hell in such a way that they’ll look forward to the trip.
  23. Old age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o’clock.
  24. The best moment of a woman’s life isn’t giving birth, it’s seeing an old adversary and realizing how fat and ugly she is now.
  25. When you’re young you make a lot of noise just having fun. When you’re old, you make even more noise just bending over.
  26. I wanted to look distinguished in my old age, so I grew a beard. Turns out the statement I’m making is more like, “Discount please, I’m a senior!”
  27. When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive. Fortunately, my older brother told me about it.
  28. When I was young I did stupid things because I didn’t know any better. Now I know better I still do stupid things but I can’t help it.
  29. I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then I remember that death will be normal for my age at some point.
  30. I’ve reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there’ll be some new developments I won’t like.
  31. When you’re young, embarrassment is forgetting to zip up your fly. When you’re old, embarrassment is forgetting to unzip your fly.
  32. As I get older and remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right one for me.

Jokes-about-Getting-Old-3Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these jokes about getting old make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

25 silly jokes for kids and some adults too

25-silly-jokes-for-kidsLooking for some silly jokes for kids, dear reader?

Well, if you are a younger reader, I’m confident that you might enjoy a few of these silly jokes on offer today. You might enjoy telling them to your friends too.

Then again, perhaps you’re an adult looking for a few jokes you can share with your children? Some of these might just do the trick.

Whatever you age, I hope you enjoy them all.

And if you do enjoy them, please pass them on.

Silly jokes for kids:

    • What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?
    • A doctorpus
    • What goes cloppity-clip?
    • A horse walking backwards
    • What’s pointed in one direction and headed in the other?
    • A pin
    • What do you call a bike that keeps biting people?
    • A vicious cycle
    • What do you call a Yeti in a classic British red telephone box?
    • Stuck
    • What do you call a watch in the 25th Century?
    • Future-wrist-tic
    • What do you call a pig in a butcher’s shop?
    • A pork chop
    • What do you call a bee born in May?
    • A maybe
    • What do you call an overweight alien?
    • An extra-cholesterol
    • What do you call it when a chicken sees a salad?
    • Chicken Caesar salad
    • What’s an inkling?
    • A baby fountain pen
    • What’s green and fluffy?
    • A seasick poodle
    • What can you hold without ever touching it?
    • A conversation
    • What do you call a Scottish parrot?
    • A Macaw
    • What do you call an elephant that mutters?
    • A mumbo jumbo
    • What do you call a pickle that draws?
    • A dillustrator
    • What do you call someone who steals pigs?
    • A hamburglar
    • What do you call a tree that fits into your hand?
    • A palm
    • What do you call an old volcano?
    • A blast from the past
    • What’s the best way to stop your food from going off?
    • Eat it
    • What do you call a man who catches bluebottles with a fishing rod?
    • A fly fisherman
    • What lies in the forest, a hundred feet up in the air?
    • A dead centipede
    • What goes up but doesn’t come down?
    • Your age
    • How many sides does a barrel have?
    • Two. Inside and outside
    • How many people are buried in a cemetery?
    • All of them

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these silly jokes for kids prove to be as hilariously funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you silly

hilariously-funny-jokesToday I offer you three hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you, dear reader. Well, they certainly tickled me anyway. So take a moment or two to enjoy them all.

Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Car trouble:

Jane was driving along Interstate 5 on her way to San Diego when her old car suddenly died on her. Naturally, she called out a local mechanic to help her.

The mechanic arrived and said, “Howdy mam, what seems to be the problem?

Well”, said Jane, “I was just driving along when suddenly I lost all power and the car came to a complete standstill.”

Well let me just take a look for you mam”, said the mechanic.

At which he lifts the hood and gives the engine a cursory glance before whacking something very hard with a hammer.

Try it now mam”, said the mechanic.

To Jane’s amazement, when she turned the key, the car burst into life again.

That’s incredible!” said Jane. “You’ve been here for less than 30 seconds and you’ve already got it going again. I’m very grateful. Thank you.

All part of the service mam!” the mechanic responded, before adding, “That’ll be $250.”

Jane couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “How much?” she said. “How can it be $250 when all you did was hit something with a hammer?

Well mam”, said the mechanic, “I can produce an itemised bill if you like.

Yes please”, said Jane, “you do that! It’ll make interesting reading.”

So the mechanic started tapping something into an iPad and then he printed it out on a printer in his truck. He then handed Jane the bill. It read:

 

2. The new bus driver:

The new bus driver pulled his bus up at the bus stop and on stepped a giant of a man who said to the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before walking off and taking his seat.

Well Big John was aptly named, he really was a monster of a man and the driver was small and skinny, so he figured that a confrontation with Big John may not end well. Not for him anyway. So he let it go.

The next day the same thing happened. The bus stopped, Big John got on, and once again he told the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before going straight to his seat.

Again the new driver was reluctant to challenge him because of his size.

Well, this became a daily occurrence and increasingly the new bus driver began to resent being afraid of Big John.

So he decided to sign up for a bodybuilding class at his local gym. He figured that if he was more muscular he’d be equipped to challenge Big John and force him to pay the fare. This became an obsession with him and he worked hard on it.

Before long the bus driver had rippling muscles where once there had only been skin and bone. And as his physical appearance became more impressive, the driver felt confident and ready to confront Big John the next time he got on his bus.

Sure enough, at the usual stop, onto the bus stepped Big John, with his usual declaration, “Big John don’t pay!”

Now just hold it there fella!” said the driver, ready and waiting for a confrontation. “And just why don’t Big John pay?

Well, the situation was tense momentarily as Big John reached into his pocket and the driver began to wonder whether he’d done the right thing after all.

Then Big John smiled as he withdrew his hand from his pocket and said, “Because I’ve got this bus pass!

3. Native American Chief:

Bill was studying for a Masters Degree in American Studies at the University of London. He loved American culture, so naturally, he was a regular traveller to the USA. In particular, he liked getting to know real America beyond the obvious tourist destinations.

On one trip he was staying in a hotel in Cheyenne, Wyoming when he saw an old Native American chief in full native dress sitting in the lobby.

Wow, who’s that?” Bill asked the desk clerk.

Oh, that’s Chief Elephant’s Memory,” the clerk responded.

Why’s he called Chief Elephant’s Memory?” asked Bill.

Because he’s 93 and he still has the most amazing memory. He never forgets anything,” said the clerk. “You might not believe this but he can actually remember every single detail of his life with immediate recall.”

Really?” Bill said, intrigued by what he was being told.

So Bill walked up to the Chief and said, “Hi there, I hope you don’t mind but I’ve heard you have the most amazing memory. They say you can remember every detail of your life. Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on your eighteenth birthday?

Eggs”, replied the Chief quietly.

Bill was amazed at this response but as he walked away the desk clerk called him over and said, “Hey buddy when you speak to one of our Native Americans you don’t say ‘Hi there’, it’s common courtesy to address them by saying, ‘How!’.

Bill thanked the clerk for putting him right and promised he’d remember that next time.

One year later Bill’s back in Cheyenne again. He’s in the same hotel when he spots the same old Native American chief sitting in the lobby.

Remembering the desk clerk’s advice from his previous visit he walks up to the Chief and says, “How!

Sunny-side up”, the Chief responded.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did these hilariously funny jokes prove to be as hilariously funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read, please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.