3 funny stories that’ll make you laugh

10/28/2024 by

FUNNY STORIESSearching for some funny stories, dear reader? Well, if you enjoy jokes in the form of amusing stories then I have three little gems for you today.

So, grab a coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Funny Stories:

1. The boasting Texan:

Gus was a proud Texan who’d never been outside the United States before. So he decided he’d take a vacation in Canada.

On arriving at Toronto Pearson international airport he took a cab to his downtown hotel.

During the ride into the city they passed Queen’s Park and Gus was a little curious to learn something about the place.

So he said to the cab driver, “Hey buddy, what’s that?”

“Well”, said the cab driver with a sense of pride, “that park is the site of the Ontario Legislative Building which houses the Legislative Assembly of Ontario. It’s like your State government. Believe it or not, those buildings are over 100 years old and they’re big don’t you think?”

Gus was unimpressed. “That’s nothing”, he said. “Back in Texas, we have older buildings that are twice as big.”

Then they drove passed the skyscraper known as First Canadian Place.

“And what’s that?” asked Gus.

“Oh, that’s Canada’s tallest skyscraper”, said the cab driver. “Believe it or not that’s 978 feet high and it took four years to build.”

“Only 978 feet, that’s not very tall,” Gus responded. “Back home we have much taller buildings and they were all built in half the time. In the United States that building wouldn’t even make the list of Top 10 tallest buildings.”

Naturally, at this point, the cab driver was starting to feel a little irritated by Gus’s boasting.

Soon they were driving past the CN Tower.

Gus stared at it momentarily and then asked the cab driver, “And what’s that buddy?”

The cab driver looked at the structure and then smiled, “Oh, that’s just a Canadian pepper grinder.”

2. The wrong priorities:

Jeff was a very successful, young lawyer who was involved in a terrible car crash on the freeway.

The whole of the driver’s side of Jeff’s Maserati had been ripped clean off, along with his left arm.

He was staggering out of the wreckage when a motorcycle police officer arrived at the scene.

Jeff was clearly in a state of shock, mumbling, “Oh my God! My car! Look at my car!”

Seeing how badly Jeff was injured, the police officer said, “Sir, please try to stay calm. We need to be more concerned about your personal injuries, rather than any damage to your car.”

Jeff slowly looked down to where his left arm has once been and then suddenly he screamed, “Oh my God! My Rolex has gone! Where’s my Rolex?”

3. The Psychiatric Hospital:

Jim and Rita were long-term patients in a psychiatric hospital.

One day they were walking past the hospital’s therapeutic swimming pool when, suddenly, Jim threw himself into the deep end.

Knowing Jim couldn’t swim at all, Rita dived straight in after him and dragged him to the safety of the poolside.

As luck would have it the head psychiatrist saw exactly what happened and recognized just how brave Rita had been in the circumstances.

In recognition of her bravery, it was decided that she was ready to be discharged from the hospital, as her actions suggested that she was now mentally sound.

So the head psychiatrist called her into his office to tell Rita about the review panel’s decision.

“Rita”, said the head psychiatrist, “I have some good news for you. Unfortunately, I also have some bad news for you too.”

“What’s the good news?” asked Rita.

“Well, in recognition of your bravery in saving the life of another patient”, said the head psychiatrist, “We think you’ve shown you’ve regained a sound mind, so it’s been decided that you’re ready to be discharged.”

“That’s good”, said Rita. “But what’s the bad news?”

“Well, Jim subsequently hanged himself with the belt of his robe in the washroom. Unfortunately, he’s dead”, the head psychiatrist responded.

“No, doctor,” said Rita, “he didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry.”

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5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

07/18/2023 by

FUNNY JOKE STORIESIf you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin staring at his drink when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule has just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson but very quickly he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds she could be heard screaming, as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant, she’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” the guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here,” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy, “a double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy if I show you a really good trick will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sits the rat at the piano and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip at his ice-cold beer and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you “$100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account, via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did these funny joke stories make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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4 contenders for funny stories of the day

07/17/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES OF THE DAYIf you’re looking for funny stories of the day, then take a quick look at these four gems. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories of the day:

1. Traffic stop:

Jed and Wilma, an elderly couple, were driving to Buffalo to visit family.

Naturally, given their age, they shared the driving with a changeover each time they stopped for a comfort break.

Whilst Wilma was behind the steering wheel, she was pulled over by the Police.

“Mam, did you know you were speeding?” said the Police officer.

Now Wilma was hard of hearing, so she turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?“

In response, Jed yelled, “He says you were speeding!“

“Mam, may I see your driver’s license, please?” the Police officer asked politely.

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and said, “What did he say?“

Yelling, once again, Jed responded, “He wants to see your driver’s license!“

Wilma searched through her purse and eventually found her driver’s license which she passed to the Police officer.

The Police officer checked her license details and then, by way of conversation, remarked with a smile, “Mam, I see you’re from New York City. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.“

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and asked, “What did he say?“

“He said he thinks he knows you!” yelled Jed.

2. The barber’s shop:

An old cowboy walks into a barber’s shop for a shave and a haircut.

Keen to ensure he gets the best shave possible, the cowboy explains to the barber that he can never get all his whiskers off because his cheeks were so wrinkled with age.

“That’s no problem,” said the barber.

He then reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a little wooden ball.

The barber then says to the cowboy, “Just put this inside your cheek. We’ll do each side in turn and it’ll spread the skin out. With this, I’ll be able to give you a really close shave.”

When the barber’s finished, the old cowboy is really pleased with the results.

“On my, that’s the cleanest shave I’ve had in years,” he says.

As he’s handing back the wooden ball to the barber, he’s curious.

“That little ball is a great idea, but what would’ve happened if I’d accidentally swallowed it?” asks the cowboy.

“That wouldn’t have been a problem,” said the barber. “You could have just brought it back in a couple of days, as everyone else does.”

3. Holiday in disguise:

Two Catholic priests went on vacation to Honolulu.

On this occasion, they were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as priests.

They wanted to enjoy this vacation just like regular people do.

So, as soon as the plane landed they went straight to a local beachwear store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, and sunglasses.

The next morning they decided to go for a walk along the beach dressed in their new clothes.

They were sitting in a beach bar enjoying a long, cool drink, taking in the sunshine and the scenery when an attractive blonde woman in a bikini came walking straight towards them.

This lady was truly stunning, so they couldn’t help but stare.

As she passed them she smiled and said to them in turn, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.”

They were both stunned into silence. How could she know they were both Catholic priests?

So later that day, they went back to the beachwear store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud, you could hear them a mile away.

The next day, dressed in their new, outrageous attire, they settled down once again in the beach bar to enjoy a cold drink.

Once again, the attractive blonde, wearing a different bikini, came walking towards them.

Again she nodded at each of them, and said, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.”

Well, the priests were shocked because they’d been recognised as priests once again.

“Just a minute, young lady,” said one of the priests.

“Yes, Father?” she responded.

“Now it’s true, we’re priests and we’re proud of it,” he responded. “But how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

“Father, it’s me,” the blonde replied, “Sister Philomena!”

funny-stories-of-the-day-24. Making an immediate impact:

The new CEO arrives for his first day in the office and he’s determined to let everyone know that he means business.

Having done a quick review of the Company’s financial position he decides his first act must be to reduce costs by getting rid of all the slackers who were not adding value to the business.

As he’s taking a tour of the Company’s facilities, there are workers everywhere but his eyes are immediately drawn to a guy leaning against a wall, apparently doing nothing in particular.

Seeing this as his chance to make an immediate impact, he walks over to the guy and asks, “How much money do you earn each week, son?”

The guy is taken a little by surprise but he responds politely by saying, “Sir, I make around $400 per week. Why do you ask?”

In response, the CEO says, “You just wait right here!”

He then disappears into the Finance Department and minutes later he reappears holding a bundle of cash in his hands.

He hands the guy $1,600 and says, “That’s four weeks’ pay. Now get out of here and don’t come back.”

The guy takes the money and disappears out the door as fast as he can.

Feeling like a real power boss, the CEO looks around and says, to no one in particular, “So, does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did around here?”

From the back of the room, in a loud voice, someone responded, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories of the day really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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3 funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues

07/16/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES TO TELLIf you’re looking for some funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues then here are three that might just bring a smile to your face.

I’ve tried them on a few friends and they all laughed out loud.

So I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories to tell:

1. The Psychiatrist:

Now I hate to admit this but, ever since I was a child, I’ve had a fear that someone is under my bed at night.

My condition got so bad that I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and I explained my problem to her.

I was quite honest with her and I just said, “Every time I go to bed I fear that someone is hiding under it. I’m really scared and I think I’m going crazy.”

“I can help you,” she said. “If you put yourself in my hands for about a year, I can help you overcome your problem.”

“What do I have to do?” I asked.

“Well,” said the psychiatrist, “If you come here for therapy three times a week for about a year, we should be able to help you get rid of your fears.”

“How much do you charge?” I asked, naturally.

“For each visit, the fee is $100.” The psychiatrist replied.

That needed a little thought, so I said, “Look, I think I’ll sleep on it and I’ll come back to you if necessary.“

Six months later, as I’m walking down Main Street, I bump into the psychiatrist and she remembers me.

“You didn’t come back to see me about those fears you were having,” she said.

“Well,” I responded, “when I left your office that day I went into a bar for a drink, to think it over. I was explaining the situation to the bartender and, when I told him how much it would cost, he said he could offer me a solution that was guaranteed for $10.”

“Really?” said the psychiatrist, sounding more than a little irritated. “And how, may I ask, was your bartender able to resolve a complex psychological problem for just $10?”

“He told me to cut the legs off my bed,” I said. “I did, and no one can get under there now.”

2. The wealthy widower:

At 70-years-old, Frank was now an extremely wealthy widower.

One day, Frank arrived at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful young woman who was just 25-years-old.

This young lady was absolutely stunning and she had it all. Good looks, personal charm, perfect manners and she hung on Frank’s arm, listening to his every word, intently.

Well, Frank’s buddies were both impressed and more than a little jealous.

They were all muttering to each other and wondering how Frank was able to date such an amazing woman.

At the first opportunity, Frank’s buddy Jim corners him and asks, “Hey Frank, how did you get yourself such an attractive girlfriend?”

“She isn’t my girlfriend,” Frank responds. “She’s my wife.”

Jim can’t believe it but he needs to know the secret of Frank’s success.

“That’s amazing,” says Jim, “but how did you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age,” says Frank.

Jim laughs out loud and then says, “Really? I suppose you told her you were only 50 then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” says Frank. “I told her I was 90, with a terminal illness.”

3. The Pastor:

One Sunday morning after the church service, and whilst counting the money from the weekly offering, the Pastor found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

Surprised though he was, he thought little of it and just accepted this generous donation gratefully.

However, the following week the same thing happened again. This time the Pastor was naturally curious.

So, the following Sunday, the Pastor watched closely as the offering was being collected. As he observed proceedings, he noticed an elderly woman put a pink envelope on the plate.

Unsure what to do, the Pastor continued to observe proceedings each Sunday over several weeks. And each week the same thing happened.

The Pastor couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore, and one Sunday he decided to speak with the woman.

“Excuse me, mam,” said the Pastor, “I couldn’t help but notice that each week you put $1,000 in the collection plate.”

“Why yes, Reverend,” the elderly lady replied. “Every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

“That’s wonderful mam and very generous of you,” the Pastor replied. “However a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Can afford this? I mean, how much does he send you?”

“He’s a really good son and he sends me $10,000 every week,” the old lady responded.

“Wow!” said the Pastor, truly amazed. “Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He’s a veterinarian,” she said.

“Well now, that’s certainly an important profession,” said the Pastor. “However I had no idea it was so well paid. Where does he practise?”

The old lady smiled and said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One’s in Las Vegas and one’s in Reno.”

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories to tell really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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5 short funny stories for adults that’ll raise a smile

07/15/2023 by

SHORT FUNNY STORIES FOR ADULTSIf you’ve been searching for some short funny stories for adults then here are five that will raise a smile, I’m sure.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny stories for adults:

1. The Lions and the Lamp:

Three hungry lions wander across the Serengeti National Park in search of food when they stumble upon an old oil lamp.

Having never seen one before, and being naturally curious, they start sniffing around it. As they’re doing this, one of their tails brushes against the lamp and then there’s a ‘Poof!’ sound.’ A genie is suddenly standing in front of them.

“Lions,” says the genie, “I’m the genie of the lamp and I’ll grant you three wishes. That’s one wish for each of you.”

The first lion’s so hungry he doesn’t need to think very hard.

“I would like a big, juicy piece of meat please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat is lying on the ground in front of him.

Well, it’s the turn of the second lion and he’s so hungry he decides he wants even more.

“I want a shower of meat, please,” he says.

Poof! In a flash, there are big, juicy pieces of meat falling from the sky.

Not wishing to be outdone by his friends, the third lion thinks hard for a second or two.

“Got it!” he says. “I want a meatier shower!”

2. Parents know best:

Two young brothers, Will and Jack had very different, extreme personalities.

Their parents quickly realized that Will was a born optimist, whilst Jack was a real pessimist.

So being concerned about them both, their parents decided to take them to see a child psychologist.

The psychologist thought the parents were overreacting and tried to reassure them.

“Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.”

In an attempt to allay their fears, he then took Jack into a room filled with the most exciting toys any child could possibly imagine.

Naturally, the psychologist expected to see Jack play with all these toys enthusiastically.

However, Jack just burst into tears.

“What’s the matter?” asked the psychologist. “Don’t you want to play with all these wonderful toys?”

“No!” Jack responded. “I might break them and then I’ll be in big trouble.”

Well, the psychologist was surprised by Jack’s extreme pessimism but he just couldn’t believe that both boys would be quite so different.

So, he decides to take Will into another room.

This room is filled from floor to ceiling with horse manure.

Naturally, the psychologist was expecting Jack to be completely repulsed by the experience.

However, Will was in his element and he quickly started digging at the manure with his bare hands.

“What are you doing?” asked the psychologist. “Why are you digging?”

“With all this manure,” replied Will, “there’s got to be a horse here somewhere!”

Moral of the Story: No one knows kids better than their parents.

3. The new teacher:

A new teacher is sitting with her 6th-grade class for the first time.

Naturally, she’s keen to apply all the techniques she’s learned in her teacher training, and in particular, she’s keen to use what she’s learned in her psychology class.

She stands in front of her class and says, “Right children, everyone who thinks they’re stupid, please stand up.”

Well, for a few minutes, there’s silence and no one stands up.

However, just then Little Johnny bravely gets to his feet.

The teacher smiles and says, “Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?”

“No mam,” Johnny responded, “but it’s not fair, you standing there all on your own.”

4. On the Starship Enterprise:

On the Starship Enterprise, Captain Kirk is chatting with Doctor Spock one day.

“Spock,” says Captain Kirk, “you always remain calm and good-natured, even when you’re talking to people who are obviously far less intelligent than you. How do you do it?”

“Well, Jim,” says Spock. “I convey my contempt for people I consider inferior to me by simply agreeing with whatever they say.”

“Really?” says Captain Kirk. “That’s absolutely ridiculous!”

“I completely agree with you, Jim,” Spock responded with a smile.

short-funny-stories-for-adults-25. Telling the time:

Two old Army buddies, Jim and Pete, are sitting up late at night enjoying a bottle of the finest Scotch and reminiscing about old times in foreign places.

They’ve been drinking all evening and they’re starting to get a little tipsy, to say the least.

Eventually, Jim asks, “What time is it?”

To which Pete responds, “I don’t know but give me your old bugle.”

“Why?” Jim asks. “How can you tell the time with a bugle?”

“It’s easy,” says Pete. “Just watch me.”

Jim passes him the bugle and Pete starts playing Reveille very, very loudly.

Within seconds a voice shouts from the floor above, “Who the hell’s playing the bugle at one o’clock in the morning?”

Please share this post with your friends:

Dear reader, did any of these short funny stories for adults make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 funny stories to tell your friends in the bar

07/14/2023 by

FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSDear reader, are you looking for some funny stories to tell your friends in the bar or at parties? If you want to be popular, always having a joke or two to tell your friends is a great way to achieve it.

So enjoy these funny jokes and feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories to tell your friends:

1. Pythagoras pun:

A medieval king was hunting in Africa, and he killed a lion, an elephant and a hippopotamus.

Returning to his kingdom, he awarded the hides from these animals to his three squires. In turn, these three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became increasingly jealous of the Hippo Squire because he possessed, what to them was, the most treasured of the three hides.

So these two jealous squires hatched a plot to kill the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them.

Now the Lion Squire had ten sons and the Elephant Squire had six sons, whilst the Hippo Squire was childless. So the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their sixteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire and return with the prized hide.

However, in the ensuing battle, the Hippo Squire single-handedly managed to kill all sixteen of the sons.

Thus it is proved that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

2. Yearning for a child:

Two women are sitting in their doctor’s waiting room and they begin discussing babies.

“I’m desperate to have a baby,” said the first woman. “However I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.”

“I used to think like that,” said the other woman. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’ll be having my baby in four months.”

“Wow!” said the first woman. “How did it all change for you?

”I went to see a faith healer,” her companion responded.

 “Oh,” said the first woman. “My husband and I did try that but unfortunately it didn’t help at all.”

Her pregnant companion smiled, then moved closer to her and whispered, “Next time, try going alone.“

3. Little Johnny:

Little Johnny came running out of the bathroom in tears.

“What’s the matter, Johnny?” asked his dad.

“Dad, I dropped my toothbrush in the toilet,” said Little Johnny.

His dad smiled, benevolently, and said, “Never mind, son, but we’d better just throw it out. There are some new ones in the medicine cabinet.”

So, Johnny’s dad fished the toothbrush out of the toilet bowl and went off to throw it in the garbage.

When he returned, Johnny was standing there holding another toothbrush.

“That looks like my toothbrush, Johnny,” said his dad.

“Yes, it is,” said Johnny. “You’d better throw it out too because it fell in the toilet bowl last week.”

4. Hunting season:

A truck driver hauling a load of computers stops at a roadside diner in California for a coffee and some lunch.

As he enters the diner he notices a sign which says, NO COMPUTER NERDS ALLOWED IN HERE – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK in large red letters.

As the trucker takes his seat at the counter, a stern-looking waitress looks at him suspiciously and then says, “Now listen here buddy, I can smell computers on you. I hope you’re not a nerd.”

“No, mam,” the trucker responds. “I’m hauling a consignment of computers today, so I guess some of their smell has rubbed off on me.”

“Well that’s just fine then,” says the waitress, pouring him a cup of coffee.

As the trucker is taking his first sip of coffee, a skinny guy walks into the diner. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, held together with tape, and he’s got a row of pens and pencils in his breast pocket.

Without saying a word, the stern-looking waitress pulls a shotgun from behind the counter and she shoots this skinny guy dead.

The trucker is stunned by what he’s just witnessed. “What did you do that for?” he asks the waitress.

“Don’t worry, sir,” the waitress responds. “Computer Nerds are in season right now because they’re over-populating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license to shoot them.”

So, the trucker finishes his lunch and sets off to complete his delivery.

However, he’s just driving onto Interstate 5 when he has to swerve violently to avoid a collision with another vehicle.

As he brings his truck back under control, the back door to his truck bursts open and computers spill all over the highway.

He stops his truck but before he can get around the back, there are computer nerds everywhere gathering up computers and running off with them.

Well, the trucker can’t afford to have his load stolen right from under his nose, so he grabs a shotgun he keeps in his cab and then he shoots several of the nerds dead.

Within seconds a Highway Patrol car has pulled up and the police officer jumps out and orders the trucker to stop shooting at once.

“Why?” says the trucker. “I thought computer nerds were in season.”

“They are,” says the cop, “but you’re not allowed to bait ‘em.”

Please share this post with your friends:

FUNNY STORIES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDSSo dear reader, did any of these funny stories to tell your friends actually make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

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4 funny short story jokes shared just for laughs

07/13/2023 by

JUST FOR LAUGHSHere are four very funny short story jokes shared with you just for laughs.

The aim is to brighten your day.

So enjoy them all.

Just for laughs:

1. Competing with a cat:

Jim’s a music producer searching for a job.

He’s looking through the ‘Wants Ads’ in one of the trade magazines, and he sees an advertisement stating MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED.

The advertisement states that candidates must be able to play the piano, type 40 words per minute and be bilingual. It also states EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

This job sounded exactly like the sort of opportunity Jim had been looking for and, as he could match the job’s requirements, he sends off an application.

Within days, Jim is sitting in front of the hiring manager, as the latter is studying Jim’s resumé.

“You have an excellent resumé,” says the hiring manager. “However I do have another candidate who can match what you can offer in every way. So I’m torn between you, particularly as we’re an equal opportunity employer.”

“Who’s the other candidate?” Jim asks.

“Well, actually it’s the cat sitting over there,” says the hiring manager.

“You can’t be serious,” Jim responds. “A cat can’t play the piano.”

The cat jumps up to the piano and starts playing a piece by Frédéric Chopin, beautifully.

As it finished, the cat then said, “MEOW!”

Jim had to admit that the cat could play. However, he then said, “The cat may be able to play the piano but surely it can’t type 40 words a minute?”

The cat jumps on the hiring manager’s Macbook and starts typing at 150 words a minute, typing out a short biography of Antonio Vivaldi in less than ten minutes.

As it finished, the cat once again said, “MEOW!”

Jim had to admit that the cat could type too. However, he then said, “OK, the cat may be able to play the piano and type but how can it be bilingual?”

With that, the cat said, “WOOF!”

2. Hard as nails:

A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want a beer, and I want it now. You’d better be quick, buddy, because I’m as hard as nails and scared of no one.”

Within minutes a piece of red tarmac walks into the same bar, whereupon the black tarmac quickly disappears into the toilet.

Thirty minutes passed before the black tarmac re-appears and asks the bartender, nervously, “Has that red tarmac gone yet?”

“Yes, he has, buddy,” the bartender responds, laughing, “but what’s the big deal? I thought you were hard and scared of no one.”

“Generally, I am,” says the black tarmac, “but no one messes with him. He’s a cycle path.”

3. The inseminator:

Before heading to Main Street for a business meeting, a farmer spoke to his wife and said, “Sorry to burden you with a problem but there’ll be a guy along this afternoon to impregnate one of the cows.”

“How will I know which cow?” his wife asked.

“Well,” he responded, “I’ve hung a nail by the correct stall in the barn, so it’s obvious which one I want impregnating.”

The farmer’s wife knew next to nothing about farming, nor was she really that interested, but she nodded in agreement nevertheless.

That afternoon the inseminator arrived whilst the farmer was away.

The farmer’s wife led him to the barn and showed him the stall with the nail.

“This is the cow right here,” she said.

 “Thank you, mam,” said the impregnator. He then looked around and he noticed the nail.

“What’s the nail for?” he asked.

The farmer’s wife shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. I guess it’s for you to hang your pants on.”

4. The challenge:

Jake walks into a bar in Wichita, Kansas and as he’s about to order a beer, he notices an enormous jar on the counter. This jar’s stuffed full of $10 bills, so naturally Jake’s intrigued.

“There must be $5,000 in that jar,” Jake says to the bartender. “What’s the deal there?”

“Well,” the bartender responds, “we’ve got a challenge going on right now.”

“What’s the challenge?” asks Jake.

“It’s simple really,” says the bartender. “You put $10 in the jar and if you can then pass three tests, you win the entire contents of the jar. Fail and your money remains in the jar. That way the cash mountain continues to build until someone wins.”

“Wow!” says Jake. “And what are the tests”?

“You’ve got to put your money in the jar first,” says the bartender, “and then I’ll tell you.”

Jake puts a $10 bill in the jar as requested.

“OK,” says the bartender. “So here’s the deal. First, you’ve got to drink a bucket full of pepper tequila. You’ve got to down it in one, without making a face. Second, there’s a vicious Rottweiler outback with a sore tooth. You’ve got to remove that tooth with your bare hands without the use of anaesthetic. Then third, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs. She wants someone to make love to her.”

“Jeez!” says Jake. “I’ve paid $10 but I’m not a complete idiot. I’d have to be nuts to take up that challenge.”

“Your call, buddy,” says the bartender, “but your money stays in the jar.”

Jake decides he’ll just have a beer or two by way of consolation and take the $10 loss on the chin.

The beers are going down well and by the end of the evening, Jake’s had a belly-full of beer. He’s had so much beer he’s getting a bit tipsy, to say the least.

And now he’s fully loaded, he’s ready for anything.

“OK buddy,” he says to the bartender, “where’s that tequila?”

The bartender gives him a bucket full of peppered tequila and Jake grabs it with both hands. He raises the bucket to his mouth and downs the entire contents in one. His eyes are watering but he doesn’t make a face.

Jake puts the empty bucket on the bar and then he staggers outside where the vicious Rottweiler is chained to a post in the yard.

The customers in the bar can hear a commotion, the Rottweiler’s barking like crazy and Jake is shouting. The dog then yelps momentarily and this is followed by silence.

A few minutes later, Jake staggers back into the bar, bruised and battered and his shirt is ripped to shreds.

“OK,” he says to the bartender, “now where’s this old woman with the sore tooth.”

Please share this post with your friends:

JUST FOR LAUGHSThey were shared just for laughs, but did any of these funny story jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

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9 short funny jokes that will make you smile

07/12/2023 by

SHORT FUNNY JOKESIf you’re looking for some short funny jokes then these might just make you smile.

They all tickled me, so I hope you enjoy them too.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny jokes:

1. The bacon tree:

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

As they’re staggering through the desert and very hungry, one of the cowboys suddenly sees a tree draped in bacon.

“A bacon tree!” he shouts. “We’re saved!”

He runs over to the tree as fast as he can but he’s shot up with bullets as he approaches it.

Sadly for him, it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

2. Polishing a resumé:

To ensure you impress a hiring manager with your resumé, you must make your experience really stand out.

Even when the experience you have to offer might not sound like very much, you have to make it sound impressive.

For instance, let’s say on your resumé, you want to include the experience, “I changed a lightbulb.”

That simple statement would not be enough. A better way to say it would be:-

I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost.

3. Reporting in sick:

I phoned the office and I told my boss that I couldn’t come to work today because I have a wee cough.

She said, “You have a wee cough?”

“Really,” I said. “Thanks, boss. I’ll see you next week then.”

4. Never send your husband on an errand:

Jane said to her husband Bill, “Could you please go to the store and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six.”

A short time later, Bill returns with 6 cartons of milk.

“Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?” asks Jane.

“Because they had eggs,” says Bill.

5. Married life after 50:

Jim and Mary had been married for over 30 years and they were travelling from Los Angeles to London.

During check-in at LAX, the airline agent was apologetic to Jim and said, “Sir, I’m sorry but the flight is full today and you should be aware that you and your wife haven’t been allocated adjacent seats. Your seat number is 14A and your wife’s is 42H.”

“Well, thank you, mam,” said Jim, with a smile, “Will I have to pay an extra charge for this bonus?”

“Oh, no sir,” said the airline agent, politely, “your wife has already paid.”

6. History matters:

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s an indictment of our education system today that young people have absolutely no idea who Neil Armstrong was, or the type of trumpet that he played?

7. Little Johnny needs water:

Little Johnny runs downstairs late at night and asks his dad for a glass of water.

“Johnny,” says his dad, “that’ll be your fifteenth glass of water. Why do you need more water now?”

“Because my room’s still on fire,” says Johnny.

8. Hearing problems:

I went to the doctor because I had hearing problems.

“Can you describe your symptoms,” the doctor asked.

“Homer’s the fat bloke,” I responded, “and Marge has blue hair.

9. Pulled over for speeding:

Jack gets pulled over for speeding.

As the cop approaches the car, Jack requests permission to step out of his car and the cop agrees.

The cop then says, “Sir, I’m obliged to ask you why you were speeding?”

“You see that woman sitting in the passenger seat?” says Jack. “That’s my wife. And the stern, miserable-looking woman in the rear seat, that’s my mother-in-law.”

“Right,” says the cop. “but how does that justify speeding?”

“My mother-in-law’s been living with us for three months now,” Jack continues. “This morning my wife and her mother had a terrible fight and my mother-in-law insisted I take her home. I’m trying to get her there before they have a chance to make up and she says she wants to return home with us.”

The cop smiles benevolently at Jack and says, “Get back in your car sir and I will give you a police escort under blue lights and the siren and we’ll get her home as quickly as possible.”

Please share this post with your friends:

SHORT FUNNY JOKESThey were shared just for laughs, but did any of these short funny jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,