4 contenders for funny stories of the day

funny-stories-of-the-day-1If you’re looking for funny stories of the day, then take a quick look at these four gems. They all tickled me and I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories of the day:

1. Traffic stop:

Jed and Wilma, an elderly couple, were driving to Buffalo to visit family.

Naturally, given their age, they shared the driving with a changeover each time they stopped for a comfort break.

Whilst Wilma was behind the steering wheel, she was pulled over by the Police.

Mam, did you know you were speeding?” said the Police officer.

Now Wilma was hard of hearing, so she turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?

In response, Jed yelled, “He says you were speeding!

Mam, may I see your driver’s license, please?” the Police officer asked politely.

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and said, “What did he say?

Yelling, once again, Jed responded, “He wants to see your driver’s license!

Wilma searched through her purse and eventually found her driver’s license which she passed to the Police officer.

The Police officer checked her license details and then, by way of conversation, remarked with a smile, “Mam, I see you’re from New York City. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.

Once again, Wilma turned to Jed and asked, “What did he say?

He said he thinks he knows you!” yelled Jed.

2. The barber’s shop:

An old cowboy walks into a barber’s shop for a shave and a haircut.

Keen to ensure he gets the best shave possible, the cowboy explains to the barber that he can never get all his whiskers off because his cheeks were so wrinkled with age.

That’s no problem,” said the barber.

He then reaches into a cabinet and pulls out a little wooden ball.

The barber then says to the cowboy, “Just put this inside your cheek. We’ll do each side in turn and it’ll spread the skin out. With this, I’ll be able to give you a really close shave.

When the barber’s finished, the old cowboy is really pleased with the results.

On my, that’s the cleanest shave I’ve had in years,” he says.

As he’s handing back the wooden ball to the barber, he’s curious.

That little ball is a great idea, but what would’ve happened if I’d accidentally swallowed it?” asks the cowboy.

That wouldn’t have been a problem,” said the barber. “You could have just brought it back in a couple of days, as everyone else does.

3. Holiday in disguise:

Two Catholic priests went on vacation to Honolulu.

On this occasion, they were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as priests.

They wanted to enjoy this vacation just like regular people do.

So, as soon as the plane landed they went straight to a local beachwear store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, and sunglasses.

The next morning they decided to go for a walk along the beach dressed in their new clothes.

They were sitting in a beach bar enjoying a long, cool drink, taking in the sunshine and the scenery when an attractive blonde woman in a bikini came walking straight towards them.

This lady was truly stunning, so they couldn’t help but stare.

As she passed them she smiled and said to them in turn, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.

They were both stunned into silence. How could she know they were both Catholic priests?

So later that day, they went back to the beachwear store and bought even more outrageous outfits. Outfits so loud, you could hear them a mile away.

The next day, dressed in their new, outrageous attire, they settled down once again in the beach bar to enjoy a cold drink.

Once again, the attractive blonde, wearing a different bikini, came walking towards them.

Again she nodded at each of them, and said, “Good morning, Father,” and “Good morning to you too, Father.

Well, the priests were shocked because they’d been recognised as priests once again.

Just a minute, young lady,” said one of the priests.

Yes, Father?” she responded.

Now it’s true, we’re priests and we’re proud of it,” he responded. “But how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?

Father, it’s me,” the blonde replied, “Sister Philomena!

funny-stories-of-the-day-24. Making an immediate impact:

The new CEO arrives for his first day in the office and he’s determined to let everyone know that he means business.

Having done a quick review of the Company’s financial position he decides his first act must be to reduce costs by getting rid of all the slackers who were not adding value to the business.

As he’s taking a tour of the Company’s facilities, there are workers everywhere but his eyes are immediately drawn to a guy leaning against a wall, apparently doing nothing in particular.

Seeing this as his chance to make an immediate impact, he walks over to the guy and asks, “How much money do you earn each week, son?

The guy is taken a little by surprise but he responds politely by saying, “Sir, I make around $400 per week. Why do you ask?

In response, the CEO says, “You just wait right here!

He then disappears into the Finance Department and minutes later he reappears holding a bundle of cash in his hands.

He hands the guy $1,600 and says, “That’s four weeks’ pay. Now get out of here and don’t come back.

The guy takes the money and disappears out the door as fast as he can.

Feeling like a real power boss, the CEO looks around and says, to no one in particular, “So, does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did around here?

From the back of the room, in a loud voice, someone responded, “He was the Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories of the day really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues

funny-stories-to-tellIf you’re looking for some funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues then here are three that might just bring a smile to your face.

I’ve tried them on a few friends and they all laughed out loud.

So I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

Funny stories to tell:

1. The Psychiatrist:

Now I hate to admit this but, ever since I was a child, I’ve had a fear that someone is under my bed at night.

My condition got so bad that I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist and I explained my problem to her.

I was quite honest with her and I just said, “Every time I go to bed I fear that someone is hiding under it. I’m really scared and I think I’m going crazy.”

I can help you,” she said. “If you put yourself in my hands for about a year, I can help you overcome your problem.

What do I have to do?” I asked.

Well,” said the psychiatrist, “If you come here for therapy three times a week for about a year, we should be able to help you get rid of your fears.”

How much do you charge?” I asked, naturally.

For each visit, the fee is $100.” The psychiatrist replied.

That needed a little thought, so I said, “Look, I think I’ll sleep on it and I’ll come back to you if necessary.

Six months later, as I’m walking down Main Street, I bump into the psychiatrist and she remembers me.

You didn’t come back to see me about those fears you were having,” she said.

Well,” I responded, “when I left your office that day I went into a bar for a drink, to think it over. I was explaining the situation to the bartender and, when I told him how much it would cost, he said he could offer me a solution that was guaranteed for $10.

Really?” said the psychiatrist, sounding more than a little irritated. “And how, may I ask, was your bartender able to resolve a complex psychological problem for just $10?

He told me to cut the legs off my bed,” I said. “I did, and no one can get under there now.”

2. The wealthy widower:

At 70-years-old, Frank was now an extremely wealthy widower.

One day, Frank arrived at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful young woman who was just 25-years-old.

This young lady was absolutely stunning and she had it all. Good looks, personal charm, perfect manners and she hung on Frank’s arm, listening to his every word, intently.

Well, Frank’s buddies were both impressed and more than a little jealous.

They were all muttering to each other and wondering how Frank was able to date such an amazing woman.

At the first opportunity, Frank’s buddy Jim corners him and asks, “Hey Frank, how did you get yourself such an attractive girlfriend?

She isn’t my girlfriend,” Frank responds. “She’s my wife.”

Jim can’t believe it but he needs to know the secret of Frank’s success.

That’s amazing,” says Jim, “but how did you persuade her to marry you?

I lied about my age,” says Frank.

Jim laughs out loud and then says, “Really? I suppose you told her you were only 50 then?

Don’t be ridiculous,” says Frank. “I told her I was 90, with a terminal illness.

3. The Pastor:

One Sunday morning after the church service, and whilst counting the money from the weekly offering, the Pastor found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

Surprised though he was, he thought little of it and just accepted this generous donation gratefully.

However, the following week the same thing happened again. This time the Pastor was naturally curious.

So, the following Sunday, the Pastor watched closely as the offering was being collected. As he observed proceedings, he noticed an elderly woman put a pink envelope on the plate.

Unsure what to do, the Pastor continued to observe proceedings each Sunday over several weeks. And each week the same thing happened.

The Pastor couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore, and one Sunday he decided to speak with the woman.

Excuse me, mam,” said the Pastor, “I couldn’t help but notice that each week you put $1,000 in the collection plate.

Why yes, Reverend,” the elderly lady replied. “Every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

That’s wonderful mam and very generous of you,” the Pastor replied. “However a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Can afford this? I mean, how much does he send you?

He’s a really good son and he sends me $10,000 every week,” the old lady responded.

Wow!” said the Pastor, truly amazed. “Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?

He’s a veterinarian,” she said.

Well now, that’s certainly an important profession,” said the Pastor. “However I had no idea it was so well paid. Where does he practise?

The old lady smiled and said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One’s in Las Vegas and one’s in Reno.”

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories to tell really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

7 short funny jokes that will make you smile

short-funny-jokesIf you’re looking for some short funny jokes then these might just make you smile.

They all tickled me, so I hope you enjoy them too.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Short funny jokes:

1. The bacon tree:

Two cowboys are lost in the desert.

As they’re staggering through the desert and very hungry, one of the cowboys suddenly sees a tree draped in bacon.

A bacon tree!” he shouts. “We’re saved!

He runs over to the tree as fast as he can but he’s shot up with bullets as he approaches it.

Sadly for him, it wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.

2. Polishing a resumé:

To ensure you impress a hiring manager with your resumé, you must make your experience really stand out.

Even when the experience you have to offer might not sound like very much, you have to make it sound impressive.

For instance, let’s say on your resumé, you want to include the experience, “I changed a lightbulb.

That simple statement would not be enough. A better way to say it would be:-

I single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost.

3. Reporting in sick:

I phoned the office and I told my boss that I couldn’t come to work today because I have a wee cough.

She said, “You have a wee cough?

Really,” I said. “Thanks, boss. I’ll see you next week then.”

4. Never send your husband on an errand:

Jane said to her husband Bill, “Could you please go to the store and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six.”

A short time later, Bill returns with 6 cartons of milk.

Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?” asks Jane.

Because they had eggs,” says Bill.

5. Little Johnny needs water:

Little Johnny runs downstairs late at night and asks his dad for a glass of water.

Johnny,” says his dad, “that’ll be your fifteenth glass of water. Why do you need more water now?

Because my room’s still on fire,” says Johnny.

6. Hearing problems:

I went to the doctor because I had hearing problems.

Can you describe your symptoms,” the doctor asked.

Homer’s the fat bloke,” I responded, “and Marge has blue hair.

7. Pulled over for speeding:

Jack gets pulled over for speeding.

As the cop approaches the car, Jack requests permission to step out of his car and the cop agrees.

The cop then says, “Sir, I’m obliged to ask you why you were speeding?”

You see that woman sitting in the passenger seat?” says Jack. “That’s my wife. And the stern, miserable-looking woman in the rear seat, that’s my mother-in-law.

Right,” says the cop. “but how does that justify speeding?

My mother-in-law’s been living with us for three months now,” Jack continues. “This morning my wife and her mother had a terrible fight and my mother-in-law insisted I take her home. I’m trying to get her there before they have a chance to make up and she says she wants to return home with us.”

The cop smiles benevolently at Jack and says, “Get back in your car sir and I will give you a police escort under blue lights and the siren and we’ll get her home as quickly as possible.

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared just for laughs, but did any of these short funny jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny short story jokes shared just for laughs

just-for-laughsHere are three very funny short story jokes shared with you just for laughs.

The aim is to brighten your day.

So enjoy them all.

Just for laughs:

1. Competing with a cat:

Jim’s a music producer searching for a job.

He’s looking through the ‘Wants Ads’ in one of the trade magazines, and he sees an advertisement stating MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED.

The advertisement states that candidates must be able to play the piano, type 40 words per minute and be bilingual. It also states EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

This job sounded exactly like the sort of opportunity Jim had been looking for and, as he could match the job’s requirements, he sends off an application.

Within days, Jim is sitting in front of the hiring manager, as the latter is studying Jim’s resumé.

You have an excellent resumé,” says the hiring manager. “However I do have another candidate who can match what you can offer in every way. So I’m torn between you, particularly as we’re an equal opportunity employer.

Who’s the other candidate?” Jim asks.

Well, actually it’s the cat sitting over there,” says the hiring manager.

You can’t be serious,” Jim responds. “A cat can’t play the piano.”

The cat jumps up to the piano and starts playing a piece by Frédéric Chopin, beautifully.

As it finished, the cat then said, “MEOW!

Jim had to admit that the cat could play. However, he then said, “The cat may be able to play the piano but surely it can’t type 40 words a minute?

The cat jumps on the hiring manager’s Macbook and starts typing at 150 words a minute, typing out a short biography of Antonio Vivaldi in less than ten minutes.

As it finished, the cat once again said, “MEOW!

Jim had to admit that the cat could type too. However, he then said, “OK, the cat may be able to play the piano and type but how can it be bilingual?

With that, the cat said, “WOOF!

2. The inseminator:

Before heading to Main Street for a business meeting, a farmer spoke to his wife and said, “Sorry to burden you with a problem but there’ll be a guy along this afternoon to impregnate one of the cows.”

How will I know which cow?” his wife asked.

Well,” he responded, “I’ve hung a nail by the correct stall in the barn, so it’s obvious which one I want impregnating.”

The farmer’s wife knew next to nothing about farming, nor was she really that interested, but she nodded in agreement nevertheless.

That afternoon the inseminator arrived whilst the farmer was away.

The farmer’s wife led him to the barn and showed him the stall with the nail.

This is the cow right here,” she said.

 “Thank you, mam,” said the impregnator. He then looked around and he noticed the nail.

What’s the nail for?” he asked.

The farmer’s wife shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know. I guess it’s for you to hang your pants on.

3. The challenge:

Jake walks into a bar in Wichita, Kansas and as he’s about to order a beer, he notices an enormous jar on the counter. This jar’s stuffed full of $10 bills, so naturally Jake’s intrigued.

There must be $5,000 in that jar,” Jake says to the bartender. “What’s the deal there?

Well,” the bartender responds, “we’ve got a challenge going on right now.”

What’s the challenge?” asks Jake.

It’s simple really,” says the bartender. “You put $10 in the jar and if you can then pass three tests, you win the entire contents of the jar. Fail and your money remains in the jar. That way the cash mountain continues to build until someone wins.

Wow!” says Jake. “And what are the tests”?

You’ve got to put your money in the jar first,” says the bartender, “and then I’ll tell you.”

Jake puts a $10 bill in the jar as requested.

OK,” says the bartender. “So here’s the deal. First, you’ve got to drink a bucket full of pepper tequila. You’ve got to down it in one, without making a face. Second, there’s a vicious Rottweiler outback with a sore tooth. You’ve got to remove that tooth with your bare hands without the use of anaesthetic. Then third, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs. She wants someone to make love to her.”

Jeez!” says Jake. “I’ve paid $10 but I’m not a complete idiot. I’d have to be nuts to take up that challenge.

Your call, buddy,” says the bartender, “but your money stays in the jar.”

Jake decides he’ll just have a beer or two by way of consolation and take the $10 loss on the chin.

The beers are going down well and by the end of the evening, Jake’s had a belly-full of beer. He’s had so much beer he’s getting a bit tipsy, to say the least.

And now he’s fully loaded, he’s ready for anything.

OK buddy,” he says to the bartender, “where’s that tequila?

The bartender gives him a bucket full of peppered tequila and Jake grabs it with both hands. He raises the bucket to his mouth and downs the entire contents in one. His eyes are watering but he doesn’t make a face.

Jake puts the empty bucket on the bar and then he staggers outside where the vicious Rottweiler is chained to a post in the yard.

The customers in the bar can hear a commotion, the Rottweiler’s barking like crazy and Jake is shouting. The dog then yelps momentarily and this is followed by silence.

A few minutes later, Jake staggers back into the bar, bruised and battered and his shirt is ripped to shreds.

OK,” he says to the bartender, “now where’s this old woman with the sore tooth.

Jokes-just-for-laughsPlease share this post with your friends:

They were shared just for laughs, but did any of these funny story jokes really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny stories to tell your friends in the bar

Funny-Stories-to-tell-your-friendsDear reader, are you looking for some funny stories to tell your friends in the bar or at parties? If you want to be popular, always having a joke or two to tell your friends is a great way to achieve it.

So enjoy these funny jokes and feel free to pass them on.

Funny stories to tell your friends:

1. Pythagoras pun:

A medieval king was hunting in Africa, and he killed a lion, an elephant and a hippopotamus.

Returning to his kingdom, he awarded the hides from these animals to his three squires. In turn, these three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became increasingly jealous of the Hippo Squire because he possessed, what to them was, the most treasured of the three hides.

So these two jealous squires hatched a plot to kill the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them.

Now the Lion Squire had ten sons and the Elephant Squire had six sons, whilst the Hippo Squire was childless. So the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent their sixteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire and return with the prized hide.

However, in the ensuing battle, the Hippo Squire single-handedly managed to kill all sixteen of the sons.

Thus it is proved that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.

2. Yearning for a child:

Two women are sitting in their doctor’s waiting room and they begin discussing babies.

I’m desperate to have a baby,” said the first woman. “However I’m starting to think it’ll never happen.

I used to think like that,” said the other woman. “But then everything changed. That’s why I’m here. I’ll be having my baby in four months.

Wow!” said the first woman. “How did it all change for you?

I went to see a faith healer,” her companion responded.

 “Oh,” said the first woman. “My husband and I did try that but unfortunately it didn’t help at all.

Her pregnant companion smiled, then moved closer to her and whispered, “Next time, try going alone.

3. Hunting season:

A truck driver hauling a load of computers stops at a roadside diner in California for a coffee and some lunch.

As he enters the diner he notices a sign which says, NO COMPUTER NERDS ALLOWED IN HERE – ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK in large red letters.

As the trucker takes his seat at the counter, a stern-looking waitress looks at him suspiciously and then says, “Now listen here buddy, I can smell computers on you. I hope you’re not a nerd.

No, mam,” the trucker responds. “I’m hauling a consignment of computers today, so I guess some of their smell has rubbed off on me.”

Well that’s just fine then,” says the waitress, pouring him a cup of coffee.

As the trucker is taking his first sip of coffee, a skinny guy walks into the diner. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, held together with tape, and he’s got a row of pens and pencils in his breast pocket.

Without saying a word, the stern-looking waitress pulls a shotgun from behind the counter and she shoots this skinny guy dead.

The trucker is stunned by what he’s just witnessed. “What did you do that for?” he asks the waitress.

Don’t worry, sir,” the waitress responds. “Computer Nerds are in season right now because they’re over-populating Silicon Valley. You don’t even need a license to shoot them.

So, the trucker finishes his lunch and sets off to complete his delivery.

However, he’s just driving onto Interstate 5 when he has to serve violently to avoid a collision with another vehicle.

As he brings his truck back under control, the back door to his truck bursts open and computers spill all over the highway.

He stops his truck but before he can get around the back, there are computer nerds everywhere gathering up computers and running off with them.

Well, the trucker can’t afford to have his load stolen right from under his nose, so he grabs a shotgun he keeps in his cab and then he shoots several of the nerds dead.

Within seconds a Highway Patrol car has pulled up and the police officer jumps out and orders the trucker to stop shooting at once.

Why?” says the trucker. “I thought computer nerds were in season.”

They are,” says the cop, “but you’re not allowed to bait ‘em.”

Funny-Stories-to-tell-your-friends-2Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did any of these funny stories to tell your friends actually make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

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