Sarcasm Quotes

21 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but I’m not so sure.

Personally, I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 21 sarcasm quotes that are sharp, funny and they definitely made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Unfortunately despite my research, I haven’t been able to identify the originators of these clever lines, so they remain by authors unknown. Should you be able to point me in the direction of the original authors, then I would happy to add appropriate credits and links. So please, do let me know.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:- 

The sharpest form of wit:

  1. Me? Sarcastic? Never!
  2. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
  3. Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
  4. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
  5. Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go
  6. Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
  7. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and you head up your ass at the same time?
  8. You never learn anything by doing it right.
  9. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
  10. I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.
  11. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
  12. From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
  13. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  14. I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
  15. Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.
  16. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
  17. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.
  18. I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
  19. I disagree but I respect your right to be stupid.
  20. I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?
  21. Patience: What you have when there are far too many witnesses.

21 Sarcasm QuotesEnjoyed these sarcasm quotes?

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

dark sarcasm quotesWhen you want to suggest a hint of menace then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful. People need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you. Sarcasm is a powerful way of getting that message across.

So today I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did and I’m confident you will too.

Dark sarcasm quotes:

  1. Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
  2. Surely you must be on stupid pills?
  3. If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
  4. I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
  5. Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
  6. Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black.
  7. Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
  8. Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
  9. I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
  10. If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
  11. Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
  12. I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
  13. If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
  14. You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
  15. I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.
  16. Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
  17. I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
  18. If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
  19. My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
  20. I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
  21. Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
  22. I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
  23. My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
  24. No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
  25. When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
  26. No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
  27. You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
  28. It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
  29. You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
  30. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.

dark sarcasm quotesPlease share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these dark sarcasm quotes dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

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The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll really make you smile

Bitchy CommentsLadies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have a need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

  1. You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
  2. She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
  3. I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
  4. Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
  5. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
  6. I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
  7. There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
  8. Yes, I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
  9. Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
  10. OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
  11. Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
  12. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
  13. I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
  14. You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
  15. I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
  16. Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
  17. If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
  18. What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
  19. I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
  20. I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  21. You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
  22. I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
  23. You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
  24. I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
  25. You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
  26. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
  27. Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
  28. No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
  29. Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
  30. Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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Thank you.

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35 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

Funny Sarcasm Memes Funny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm MemesFunny Sarcasm Memes

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So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post, please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

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30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

Sarcastic quotes about life lessonsToday I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers. So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons:

  1. Shhhh …… No one cares.
  2. I may forgive but I never, ever forget.
  3. Apology accepted but trust is denied.
  4. I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
  5. Some people are so poor all they have is money.
  6. Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
  7. There’s no need to repeat yourself, I’m ignoring you.
  8. Let’s share. You take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.
  9. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
  10. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot, I only exist when you need something.
  11. I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
  12. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.
  13. I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
  14. You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
  15. An apple a day will keep anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
  16. If I hurt your feelings for calling you stupid, I’m sorry but I thought you knew.
  17. Of course I can multitask. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.
  18. Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
  19. Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
  20. If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
  21. You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
  22. If someone throws a rock at you, just throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
  23. If me living my life my way bothers you then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
  24. No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
  25. People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
  26. Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their need.
  27. I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from, “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
  28. Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
  29. It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
  30. There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insultExamples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult don’t always spring readily to mind, do they? Well, not to me anyway.

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you only wish you’d had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue and ready to let them know that you’re not someone who will suffer fools for very long?

It’s always useful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

So for today’s post, I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also raise a smile with you too.

And of course, I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Sarcasm and witty insults:

  1. Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
  2. Clearly, wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
  3. Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
  4. If your aim was to irritate me then you’re plan is working so far.
  5. You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
  6. I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid
  7. Take your time buddy, it’s not like the rest of us have any stuff to do.
  8. That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
  9. Now who might you be and why should it matter to me?
  10. You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
  11. Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.
  12. Listen, tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take a bit more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
  13. I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important but guess what? The rest of the world doesn’t agree.
  14. Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider an alternative line of work.
  15. Some people have genuine talent and then there are deluded people like you.
  16. I may have had a bit too much to drink mam but tomorrow I’ll be sober, whereas you’ll still be ugly.
  17. $10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
  18. Were you born a pain in the ass or have you had special training?
  19. You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
  20. If you’re nice to other people, you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
  21. Clearly, you’re bereft of talent but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
  22. If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that buddy.
  23. There’s nothing like exceptional customer service and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
  24. Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
  25. Well, we’ve now established that you can be really stupid when you want to be. So what else are you good at?
  26. So you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
  27. Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly, the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
  28. I didn’t say you were overweight but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
  29. I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime. 

Examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insultPlease share this post with your friends:

So dear reader did any of these examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult actually make you smile? Was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these examples did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more smiles? If so, just click on the links below.

Other articles you may also find amusing:

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37 funny comebacks for dealing with rude people

37 funny comebacksThe art of funny comebacks is one well worth developing.

We all have to deal with rude comments and mean, spiteful people occasionally. That’s all part of human existence.

However how often do you wish you had a suitable response ready to go to put such people firmly in their place?

If only you had a stock of funny comebacks to choose from when situations dictate?

Well here are 37 funny comebacks that you might find useful when you’re faced with dealing with rude, mean or difficult people. How many of these can you work into your day, today?

If there are any of these funny comebacks that you particularly like then please share this post with your friends but not before you’ve enjoyed them all first.

Remember: When you share, everyone wins.

Funny Comebacks:

  1. You know you really should buy some breath mints? 
  2. I have better things to do than listen to you.
  3. Whoever told you to be yourself has given you bad advice.
  4. I don’t care what everyone else says, I don’t think you’re that bad.
  5. Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
  6. I believed in evolution until I met you.
  7. Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you?
  8. I accept I’m not perfect but at least I’m not you. 
  9. If ignorance is bliss, then you must be the happiest person on the planet.
  10. You always bring me so much joy, the minute you leave the room.
  11. I don’t need a proctologist to tell me you’re an asshole.
  12. I’m not a cactus expert but I do know a prick when I see one.
  13. I would explain it to you but I have neither the time nor the crayons! 
  14. Sorry buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
  15. Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart.
  16. If only your dad had used a condom, the world would be a better place.
  17. You have your entire life to be a jerk. Take a day off and give the rest of us a break.
  18. Everyone said you were unpleasant but I didn’t believe them ……. until now.
  19. Sorry but you’re confusing me with someone who actually cares about what you think.
  20. Are you always such an idiot or do you just like to show off when I’m around?
  21. I understand what you’re saying but if I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
  22. Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while but you’re abusing the privilege.
  23. Remember when I asked for your opinion? Well, me neither.
  24. No wonder everyone talks about you behind your back.
  25. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.
  26. Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
  27. I don’t remember asking for your opinion.
  28. I was going to give you a nasty look but I can see you’ve already got one.
  29. I’m busy, you’re ugly. Have a nice day.
  30. Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale?
  31. I hope you step on a Lego in your bare feet. 
  32. You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
  33. Of course, I talk like an idiot. How else would you be able to understand me?
  34. You can keep rolling your eyes if you must but you’re unlikely to find a brain back there.
  35. I don’t know what your problem is but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
  36. Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
  37. You sir are a human version of period cramps.

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30 Sarcastic quotes about love to make you smile

Sarcastic quotes about loveIf you enjoy sarcasm and sarcastic quotes then you might just appreciate these sarcastic quotes about love. They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about love:

  1. You’ll do.
  2. You can’t be wise and in love.
  3. Where there’s love there’s lies.
  4. Nothing says “I love you” like sarcasm.
  5. True love comes from the heart, not the mouth.
  6. Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
  7. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  8. A relationship is a test for which you’ve never studied.
  9. Deceiving others. That’s what the world calls a romance.
  10. Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a beautiful day.
  11. I’m no one’s backup option. Choose me or lose me. The choice is yours.
  12. If love’s the answer then you probably didn’t understand the question.
  13. You don’t stop loving someone. Either you always will or you never did in the first place.
  14. Apparently if you treat people the way they treat you they’ll get offended. Who knew?
  15. All you need is love. And an IQ low enough to believe that.
  16. If you don’t love yourself then no one else is going to love you.
  17. Relationships don’t die a natural death. They’re murdered by attitude.
  18. Yes of course you were my cup of tea but now I’m drinking champagne.
  19. No, I’m not afraid to love. My fear is in not being loved back.
  20. Everything happens for a reason. So if I punch you in the face, remember it was for a reason.
  21. Love may be important to the sustaining of life but let’s get real, money and oxygen are more important.
  22. Marriage is a legal contract through which you can annoy that one special person for the rest of your life.
  23. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings because I can guarantee there’s no link between my self-esteem and your acceptance of me.
  24. I never reach out to people if there’s little or no chance of it being reciprocated.
  25. Hating people consumes far too much energy. So I’ll just pretend you don’t exist.
  26. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. I can put my hands in my pockets and just keep walking.
  27. You may show me that you don’t give a s*** but I can show you that I’m much better at it.
  28. Of all the lies I’ve heard, “I love you” is the best.
  29. There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything you. Remember that.
  30. Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about love dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2021. All Rights Reserved.

39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

Attitude QuotesIf you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs and sarcasm then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day, when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess, if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

  1. I get it. Life’s a soup and I’m a fork.
  2. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
  3. If I was a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
  4. Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
  5. What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
  6. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
  7. You look like something I drew with my left hand.
  8. If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  10. Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
  11. If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
  12. You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
  13. You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
  14. If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
  15. I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
  16. I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
  19. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
  20. You think you know it all but clearly you don’t know when to shut up.
  21. I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
  22. WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
  23. I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
  24. I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
  25. Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
  26. They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
  27. I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
  28. When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
  29. I’d love to help you but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
  30. Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
  31. Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
  32. There’s someone for everyone and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
  33. Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
  34. It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count but, seriously, you were actually the sperm that won?
  35. If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
  36. I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude but that’s not a problem for me.
  37. There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
  38. When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
  39. Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

Attitude QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these attitude quotes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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33 irony and sarcasm quotes subtly conveying contempt

Irony and SarcasmPeople! When they get too much, there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt.

We can’t live without people of course but they do drive us all nuts at times too, or is that just me?

Actually I love people. Well, most of the time anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally we all need them, don’t we?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes which subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. I hope some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt:

  1. You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
  2. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
  3. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  4. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
  5. It’s obvious that in your profession being stupid is not a handicap.
  6. Look I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  7. Is being stupid your profession or are you simply gifted that way?
  8. If you’re ever given the keys to the City then the City will need to change the locks.
  9. How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel you always manage to extend the tunnel?
  10. If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
  11. To err is human but to blame it on others now that’s the art of politics.
  12. I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear.
  13. They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you I know that to be true.
  14. You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
  15. Irony and SarcasmI didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent gaining power.
  16. Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
  17. When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
  18. Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
  19. My opinion offended you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
  20. I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
  21. If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper up your ass.
  22. You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
  23. You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
  24. I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
  25. You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
  26. It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
  27. Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
  28. If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
  29. I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
  30. Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
  31. You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
  32. If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
  33. I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

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