humor

29 hilarious jokes for 10-year-olds that’ll amuse adults too

07/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

There’s an inner child in all of us. If you love childish jokes then here are 29 hilarious jokes for 10-year-olds that I’m confident will amuse a lot of adults too.

Enjoy them all and then pass them on to the children in your life.

Jokes for 10-year-olds:

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
What did the pirate say on his 80^th birthday? Aye matey!
Where do you manufacture average things? A satisfactory.
How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
I broke my finger last week but, on the other hand, I’m fine.
What sits at the bottom of the sea twitching? A nervous wreck.
Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? Well, the flag’s a big plus.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
No one is completely useless. We can always serve as a warning to others.
Why don’t math majors go to parties? Because they don’t drink and derive.
What do you call a line of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
A parachute isn’t essential for skydiving, unless you want to go skydiving twice.
Why should you never date a tennis player? Because love means nothing to them.
You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If it doesn’t come home, it was only a pigeon.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t really matter because it’s not going to come to you anyway.
My girlfriend accused me of being immature, so I told her she couldn’t play with my toys anymore.
Women used to call me ugly until they realised how much I earn. Now they call me ugly and poor.
What did Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? The best of thymes; the worst of thymes.
What did the bald man say when he was given a comb as a gift? Thanks, I’ll never part with that.”
Verdana, Arial and Times New Roman walked into a bar and the bartender shouts, “Sorry but we don’t serve your type!”
I saw a guy spill his Scrabble game all over the sidewalk and I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
A Roman legionnaire walked into a bar, holds up two fingers and says to the bartender, “Five beers please.”
A woman in labor suddenly started shouting, “Couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t, can’t, won’t ………” The doctor smiled and said, “Don’t worry mam, they’re just contractions.”
A woman says, “Help me, doctor, I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor smiled and said, “I’m sorry, I’m not following you.”
The Preacher said to John, “Come forth and you’ll receive eternal life.” Unfortunately, John came fifth but he did win a year’s supply of Todd’s Snickerdoodles.
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a vodka and ………..Coke please.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?” The bear shrugs and says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these jokes for 10-year-olds made you smile then please share this post with your children, as well as your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Really funny commercials that’ll make you smile

06/26/2020 by Roy Sutton

How many commercials does the average person see in a year? Literally thousands, wouldn’t you agree?

And how many of those commercials will the average consumer remember as they consider making a purchasing decision? Not that many I think.

However, if a commercial is to leave a powerful impression on consumers then it needs to be memorable. And how is it made memorable? Well, there can be few better ways than the use of humor.

The best commercials are really funny with a link back to the product’s unique selling proposition.

Here is a video with a series of commercials for the culturally insensitively named chocolate bar Japp (a product made by the Mars company I believe) which tick all the boxes for me.

These really funny commercials made me smile and I hope they will brighten your day too.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these really funny commercials made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

19 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

06/25/2020 by Roy Sutton

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

If you can entertain people and tell a joke or two then you’ll always have friends. We all love to laugh, and people who are amusing are immediately likeable. So, if you want to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.
Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.
I used to work in a shoe recycling factory but it was sole destroying.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.
I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.
My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.
A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry but we don’t serve food here.”
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.
A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
WIFE: Pack your bags, I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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So dear reader, were these jokes as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, just click on the links below.

15 Quotes by Moms Mabley

06/24/2020 by Roy Sutton

I must confess that until relatively recently I was not familiar with the work of African American comedienne Jackie “Moms” Mabley.

However, I stumbled on her work by accident on YouTube and I was intrigued by her. So naturally, I went in search of some information about her, as well as some quotes by Moms Mabley.

Born Loretta Mary Aiken, she adopted the stage name Moms Mabley and she was a veteran of the Chitlin’ Circuit of African-American vaudeville.

She also appeared on legendary American television shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. In fact, she’s also one of the earliest examples of women in comedy.

Born in 1894, Moms Mabley was one of 16 children and like most African Americans of her day, particularly women, she’d had a tough early life.

At the encouragement of her grandmother, she ran away and joined a travelling minstrel show where she sang and entertained. Her stage persona was that of an older, dishevelled woman.

Certainly, she was a woman on whom life had left its mark. For instance, by age of 14, she had been raped twice (at age 11, by an elderly black man, and age 13, by a white sheriff) and had two children who were given up for adoption.

At the age of 27, she came out as a lesbian becoming one of the first openly gay comedians. That wouldn’t have been easy in the less enlightened age in which she lived and earned a living.

So if you’re not familiar with Moms Mabley, I recommend you take a closer look at her work, but not before you read these 15 quotes by Moms Mabley.

Quotes by Moms Mabley:

Quit it if you can’t do nothin’ with it. ~Moms Mabley
Use those brains that God put in your head. ~Moms Mabley
It’s no disgrace to be old but damn if it isn’t inconvenient. ~Moms Mabley
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. ~Moms Mabley
[Advice to children crossing the street] Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. ~Moms Mabley
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men and I’m guilty. ~Moms Mabley
Any time you see me with my arms around an old man, I’m holding him for the police. ~Moms Mabley
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick. ~Moms Mabley
Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. ~Moms Mabley
Ain’t nothin’ an ol’ man can do but bring me a message from a young one. ~Moms Mabley
I don’t want nothing old, but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That’s what I’m gonna do with it. ~Moms Mabley
The teenagers aren’t all bad. I love ’em if nobody else does. There ain’t nothing wrong with young people. Jus’ quit lyin’ to ’em. ~Moms Mabley
Never lose your head, not even for a minute. You need your head. Your brain’s in it. ~Moms Mabley
Without that basic foundation in showmanship, an act can’t remain at the top. Half of the children nowadays don’t even know how to take a bow. ~Moms Mabley
Black women, white women; all of them. I’m colorblind. I don’t know the difference. I only know you’re a human being and you’re my children. ~Moms Mabley

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Thank you.

10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

06/22/2020 by Roy Sutton

If jokes that are just a little bit silly appeal to you, then here are 10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh.

These are the sort of jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers. Corny but you just can’t help laughing at them. Well groaning anyway.

Certainly they all made me smile and I hope you enjoy them too dear reader.

Today’s Silly Jokes:

What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.

What kind of car does Mickey Mouse’s wife drive?
A Minnie van!

What do you get when you cross a dog with an antenna?
A Golden Receiver.

Where should a 600-pound gorilla go?
On a diet

What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A bed.

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we’ll go places!

What would happen if you threw yellow sneakers into the Red Sea?
They’d get wet.

Why did the photograph go to jail?
Because it was framed.

What would Bears become without Bees?
Ears.

Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

06/19/2020 by Roy Sutton

Irony, wit and sarcastic responses are always well-received by readers.

So today I offer 30 more sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and if you have any of your own then please add them to the comments. I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
Listen, buddy, I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender, not a psychotherapist.
You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science, is it?
That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it?
So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
Yes, I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside, it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

15 Quotes by Jay Leno

06/18/2020 by Roy Sutton

Funnyman Jay Leno is one of American television’s biggest personalities and he is recognised as a major star around the world.

Born James Douglas Muir Leno in New Rochelle, New York, he’s a comedian, actor, writer and producer, as well as a television host best known for his years hosting The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from 1992–2009.

Quick with a joke or a funny quip he always made me smile. So today I thought I’d explore some of his wit and wisdom.

And let’s face it wisdom is always at the heart of every witty quote.

So here are 15 quotes by Jay Leno to brighten your day.

Quotes by Jay Leno:

Politics is just show business for ugly people. ~Jay Leno
You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you. ~Jay Leno
You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. ~Jay Leno
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? ~Jay Leno
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder. ~Jay Leno
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. ~Jay Leno
People don’t mind if you have a lot of money if they know you’re working for it. ~Jay Leno
New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot, unless of course, those tests come back positive. ~Jay Leno
If I have one advantage, it’s that I will try to work harder than the next guy. ~Jay Leno
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. ~Jay Leno
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we’re doing anonymously. ~Jay Leno
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza! ~Jay Leno
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good ‘ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers. ~Jay Leno
Nineteen per cent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments. ~Jay Leno

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Thank you.

15 Quotes by Bob Newhart

06/16/2020 by Roy Sutton

There are many fine comedians and many of the finest are American in my opinion.

And I think one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s certainly made me laugh out loud, many times.

Many years ago I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart and from that moment on I was absolutely hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation, I’m sitting in my car waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly on my car radio, they play the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It really was that funny.

If you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon.

However before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humor, some reflect his sense of the absurd and some are just thought-provoking.

Quotes by Bob Newhart:

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humor. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’. ~Bob Newhart
People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t know how doctors pick one speciality over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

If you’re not familiar with Bob Newhart’s work then I can strongly recommend you listen to the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. I can also recommend The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!

These audio recordings are both funny and well worth your time. Well worth buying your own copies too. I think so anyway.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you

06/15/2020 by Roy Sutton

Today I thought it would be amusing to explore some funny work quotes.

Personally I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day.

However, not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously.

Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is with the subject of work.

Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So today I’ve pulled together 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one, in particular, I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find some of these and many more besides. So check it out.

Funny work quotes:

Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Where X is work; Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein (well, maybe!)
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
I once had a job in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

Enjoyed these quotes? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

21 funny quotes you’ll absolutely love

06/14/2020 by Roy Sutton

I love quotes and I love those funny quotes that make you smile and make you think.

Here are 21 funny quotes to highlight my point. Enjoy them all.

Funny quotes:

Smile today because tomorrow could be worse. ~Anonymous
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ~Anonymous
I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Anonymous
You’re born free then you’re taxed to death. ~Anonymous
He who wakes up early yawns all day long. ~Anonymous
I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. ~Anonymous
Those who snore always fall asleep first. ~Anonymous
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all, intelligence has its limits. ~Anonymous
I just wanted you to know somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. ~Anonymous
“Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.” ~Anonymous
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with. ~Anonymous
It’s alright if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right. ~Anonymous
To make a mistake is human but to blame it on someone else, now that’s even more human.
~Anonymous
It may look like I’m doing nothing but in my head, I’m quite busy. ~Anonymous
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window. ~Anonymous
Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done. ~Anonymous
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. ~Anonymous
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live. ~Anonymous
Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck. ~Anonymous
I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry! ~Anonymous
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. ~Anonymous

If you enjoyed these funny quotes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share

them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Jokes for 10-year-olds:

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Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

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Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

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Quotes by Moms Mabley:

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Today’s Silly Jokes:

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Sarcasm examples:

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Quotes by Jay Leno:

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Quotes by Bob Newhart:

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Funny work quotes:

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