humor

25 funny witty quotes that will seriously tickle you

09/27/2020 by Roy Sutton

I always get the best reaction with blog posts that are full of content to make you smile. That’s natural of course. After all, we all need a good laugh, don’t we? And funny witty quotes are particularly popular with readers.

With that in mind I’ve been trawling my personal journals looking for funny witty quotes which I’ve noted for posterity, and which I hope you’ll enjoy now, dear reader.

So, here are 25 funny witty quotes that I’m confident will tickle you. Certainly they tickled me.

They’re all by Authors Unknown but they’re razor-sharp and funny nevertheless.

So go on take a few minutes right now to have a laugh and enjoy them all.

Funny witty quotes:

‘Be yourself’ is the worst piece of advice you can give to some people.
Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head, with a hammer.
HIM: How is it your single? HER: Surely you mean you’re?
Arguing with a fool serves only to prove that there are two.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t hold this much personality.
Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you’re drunk.
There are only two rules in life. No 1: Never ever give out all the information.
You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid who acts just like you.
If you have nothing to be grateful for check your pulse.
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.
I’ve learned so much from my mistakes I’m thinking of making a few more.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
We mature with damage, not with years.
Life is short. So smile while you still have teeth.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
Sarcasm is not an attitude. It’s an art.
I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
The only time a woman is helpless is when her nail polish is drying. Otherwise, watch out.
The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour.
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.
If you don’t like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalk.
If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving’s not for you.
129% of people exaggerate.

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So did these funny witty quotes amuse you, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read in this post then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. Thank you.

15 amusing quotes by Spike Milligan to make you smile

09/25/2020 by Roy Sutton

I love to read amusing quotes by Spike Milligan. He was undoubtedly a man with a funny bone.

In case you’re not familiar with his name, Spike Milligan was a funny, irreverent and much-loved comedian and staple of British television and radio for many years in the post-war era and right up until his death in 2002.

Born Terence Alan Milligan in India, he was the son of a British Army Captain of Irish descent and an English mother.

In addition to being a wonderful comic performer, probably best known for his work with the Goon Show, he was also a successful writer, poet, playwright and actor.

Though he spent much of his early life in India, the majority of his adult life was spent in the United Kingdom.

However when the Commonwealth Immigrants Act removed Indian-born Milligan’s automatic right to British citizenship in 1962, despite his own service in the British Army as well as his father’s, he became an Irish citizen, exercising a right conferred through his Irish-born father.

I think he was a genuinely funny man and to prove it, here are 15 of his razor-sharp quips. Enjoy them all.

Quotes by Spike Milligan:

All men are cremated equal. ~Spike Milligan
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy. ~Spike Milligan
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. ~Spike Milligan
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? ~Spike Milligan
Money couldn’t buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. ~Spike Milligan
I’m a hero with coward’s legs. ~Spike Milligan
How long was I in the army? Five-foot eleven. ~Spike Milligan
I turned and rubbed my hands with glee. I always keep a tin of glee handy. ~Spike Milligan
I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Spike Milligan
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~Spike Milligan
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death. ~Spike Milligan
I can speak Esperanto like a native. ~Spike Milligan
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherd’s Bush. ~Spike Milligan
A family man from Siberia; As a father was very inferior; But one operation; Revised the situation; And now he’s Mother Superior. ~Spike Milligan
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. ~Spike Milligan

Please share with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Spike Milligan amusing?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share this post on social media with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

Here is some funny political satire with laughter guaranteed

09/10/2020 by Roy Sutton

In the times in which we now live, it seems that intelligent political debate is something from a bygone age.

Perhaps it never really existed at all.

However, the politically correct modern media has created a debate so lacking in intelligent and informed analysis that it has become completely pointless I think.

If you live in the United Kingdom dear reader, then an excellent example for me is the BBC’s Question Time. It may have a new host in Fiona Bruce but it’s still just a lot of hot air I think.

Essentially it’s just a carefully selected bunch of people with rigid views coupled with an inability to understand why others may think the way they do. And an unwillingness even to try.

I suppose that’s just the way it is nowadays.

Nevertheless, it’s not a complete loss to us all because it does offer fertile ground for comedy and funny political satire.

So if like me you think that the BBC’s Question Time has become a mess of evidence-free assertions, class warfare, soundbites and smugness then you might just enjoy this comedy sketch from Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse.

It’s very funny and for me they have truly nailed the nature of what passes for modern political debate.

It made me laugh and I hope it makes you smile too.

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Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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3 short story funny jokes guaranteed to brighten your day

09/09/2020 by Roy Sutton

Today’s short story funny jokes

1. Surprise Party:

Jane had a craving for Heinz beans and unwisely consumed three plates of beans during lunch-break at work one day.

Now, on the day in question, it happened to be Jane’s birthday and when she got home from work her husband Jim, met her excitedly at the door.

“Darling, I’ve got a surprise for dinner tonight,” said Jim.

And with that, he blindfolded Jane and led her by the hand, through the house, into the dining room and sat her down at the table.

As Jane sat down, and just as Jim was about to remove her blindfold, she heard the telephone ring in the hall.

“Darling,” said Jim, “bear with me for a second whilst I answer the telephone but please, please don’t remove your blindfold until I get back. I want to video your reaction for posting on Facebook. No peeking!”

Well, Jane was actually quite grateful for this fortunate interruption because those beans had started to percolate, generating intestinal gases within her that were building up a pressure of such magnitude that she felt like she was about to explode.

She reasoned that Jim would be gone for a few minutes, so she thought it would be safe to seize the opportunity to release this flatulence.

Release it she did and it was not only loud but it smelled like a surfeit of skunks in a garbage dump. It was a truly awful smell.

However, the relief for Jane was instant, and she quickly used her napkin to fan the air vigorously in the hope that the gas would be dispersed by the time Jim returned.

Well, unfortunately, her gas problem didn’t end there and Jane was forced to release several more minor, intestinal explosions, the smell of which was just unimaginably bad.

However, for Jane, the pleasure of releasing all this gas pressure was indescribable. It was just such a relief, so she wafted her napkin as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to improve the air quality in the dining room before Jim returned.

Within a few minutes Jim did return, apologising profusely for his absence.

“I hope you’ve not been peeking, whilst I’ve been away,” Jim said playfully.

Jane was quick to confirm she hadn’t.

At this point, Jim removed her blindfold, only to reveal that they were accompanied by 12 dinner guests all seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, as they shouted, “Happy Birthday, Jane!“

2. Strange Bar:

Jake walked into a Manhattan bar and he sits down at the counter.

He then says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, where can I get some cigarettes?”

“There’s a cigarette machine over there in the corner by the john,” the bartender replies.

So Jake walks over to the machine and just as he’s about to select his preferred brand of cigarettes, the machine says, “Hey, you’re a freakin’ idiot!“

Jake is stunned momentarily. Then he thinks, “That’s really not very nice!” So he returns to the counter without any cigarettes.

As he sits on his stool again, he asks the bartender for some peanuts in an attempt to distract himself from his craving for a smoke.

The bartender passes him a bowl of peanuts and, as he does so, Jake hears one of the peanuts say, “Hey buddy, I like the way you’ve styled your hair.“

So Jake says to the bartender, “Hey man, this place is weird. Your cigarette machine insults me and then the peanuts are coming on to me. What is this?“

The bartender smiles and replies, “Oh, that’s because the cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary,“

3. Admission to the Kingdom of Heaven:

Music legend, Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth, the UK’s longest-serving monarch, sadly pass away on exactly the same day.

They find themselves standing together at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter studiously reviews his cloud-connected, tablet computer momentarily before saying, “Ladies, I have some bad news for you I’m afraid. We’ve had a lot of admissions to Heaven today, so there’s only one place left. Therefore I must ask you both to give me one good reason why you should be the one to take that place. And of course, the best reason will get the place.”

These two ladies glance at each other briefly and then Dolly opens her blouse quickly to reveal her very impressive assets.

She then says to St Peter, “These are the finest in Creation and I’m confident the Lord would want the opportunity to admire the results of his excellent work each and every day for eternity.”

“Thank you, Dolly,” says St Peter. He then looks at Her Royal Highness, the Queen and says, “Your Majesty, what’s your reason?”

Now, right next to the Pearly Gates is a restroom for the convenience not only of St Peter himself but also for every soul standing in line awaiting a decision as to whether they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Her Royal Highness says absolutely nothing in response to St Peter’s question but she walks into the restroom and flushes the toilet.

She then returns to stand next to Dolly and await St Peter’s decision.

St Peter spends a moment considering the matter and he then says, “Your Majesty, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Naturally, Dolly is less than happy with his decision.

“Now just hold it a minute there fella!” says Dolly. “I reveal the finest pair ever created and all she does is flush the john. And then she gets admitted? How can that be right?”

St Peter smiles at Dolly and says, “I understand why you’re not happy Dolly but you must accept that even in Heaven a Royal Flush beats a pair.”

Please share the fun:

So for you dear reader, did these short story funny jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

33 hilarious cheesy pick-up lines to make you smile

09/04/2020 by Roy Sutton

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, particularly when we’re young.

We’re in a bar or a club and we see someone attractive, who we’d like to get to know a little bit better.

The weapon of choice in such situations is the pick-up or chat-up line as a conversation opener with the intent of engaging that person in the hope that it may lead to a date or even romance.

Sadly there are not many pick-up lines that we can truly look back on with pride though.

Here are 33 hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines that may not stand the test of time but certainly they’ll make you smile right now. Enjoy them all.

Pick-Up Lines:

Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
Are you Yoda? Because Yodalicious.
Your hand looks heavy can I hold it for you?
Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper!
Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
Hello, you’re so hot a firefighter couldn’t put you out.
I must be in a museum because you’re a work of art.
You’re so lovely, you make me wanna go out and get a job
Hi, I’m writing a phone book. Can I have your number?
I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.
I’m not a photographer but I can picture me and you together.
Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
Was your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams
You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet.
Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
I heard you’re good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking Y
Do you have a band-aid? Because I scraped my knees falling for you.
You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!
I may not be the best looking guy here but I’m the only one talking to you.
Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
Do you know if there are any police around here? Cause I’m about to steal your heart.
You look familiar. Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
I don’t believe in love at first sight but I’m willing to make an exception in your case.
Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

30 really unhelpful things to say in a crisis

09/03/2020 by Roy Sutton

In times of crisis, our friends and loved ones need our sympathy and support. What they don’t need are stupid, inane or thoughtless comments that really don’t help.

Often we feel we’ve got to say something and in responding to silence we often say things that are really unhelpful to fill the void. Such comments may seem funny later but at the time they really don’t help.

So in times of crisis, if you can’t say something supportive, it’s probably better to remain silent and allow your friend, a loved one, or even your boss a little time to think through the problem and focus on a potential solution.

Nevertheless, unhelpful things said in a crisis can be amusing, so here are somethings best not said. I hope they amuse you, dear reader.

Unhelpful things to say in a crisis:

You must have done something terrible in another life.
I told you so.
It can only get better.
Just calm down, stuff happens.
If only you hadn’t done that.
I’m sensing a bit of tension. Have I done something to upset you?
That shouldn’t happen, should it?
Don’t panic, don’t panic.
You’ll laugh about this one day.
Jeez, you’ve got a real problem there.
Now that was a really serious mistake.
I guess it’s not a good time to ask for a pay raise?
Didn’t you say you hadn’t renewed the insurance policy?
Statistically speaking this doesn’t happen very often.
Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
Does this mean our date’s off tonight?
Oh well, mistakes can be valuable learning experiences.
You can always draw a line under it and move on.
What does Google say?
Was that really expensive?
There are people who would love to be where we are right now.
However bad it may be, it could be worse.
When life gives you lemons, you can always make lemonade.
That’s incredible. You wouldn’t have thought that was possible.
I couldn’t cope with what you’re going through right now.
When I think of situations like yours, I count my blessings.
God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.
Did you know that the probability of that happening was about a trillion to one?
There are people in this world with more problems than you have right now.
When I see a situation like yours, I realize that there but for the grace of God go I.

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these unhelpful things to say in a crisis made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

33 irony and sarcasm quotes subtly conveying contempt

09/02/2020 by Roy Sutton

People! When they get too much, there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt.

We can’t live without people of course but they do drive us all nuts at times too, or is that just me?

Actually I love people. Well, most of the time anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally we all need them, don’t we?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes which subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. I hope some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt:

You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
It’s obvious that in your profession being stupid is not a handicap.
Look I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is being stupid your profession or are you simply gifted that way?
If you’re ever given the keys to the City then the City will need to change the locks.
How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel you always manage to extend the tunnel?
If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
To err is human but to blame it on others now that’s the art of politics.
I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear.
They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you I know that to be true.
You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent gaining power.
Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
My opinion offended you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper up your ass.
You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

09/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

If you admire a clever put-down or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day, when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!‘

And of course, we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

Sarcastic Remarks:

I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
That’s an eye-catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer, are you?
Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
If you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
You sound better with your mouth closed.
I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
Do I think you’re stupid? Well, I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoelaces.
You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
You’re a low paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

7 inspirational quotes about humor to make you think

09/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

Humor is the most powerful medicine known to man [and woman].

Humor is a cure for so many ills. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel, a good laugh can really make you feel so much better.

In all humor there is an underlying germ of truth. It is poking fun at the truth that makes us laugh.

However, for those on the receiving end, humor can sometimes hurt. Having a good laugh at someone else’s expense can only ever be acceptable if they can see the funny side too.

So be careful with your attempts at humor. Be kind and be mindful of the sensibilities of other people.

Banter and mild leg-pulling is fine but overdo it and it can quickly turn into bullying. And that’s really not very nice, is it?

So, have a good laugh whenever possible. However make sure someone else doesn’t have to pay an unacceptable price for your laughter.

Here are seven inspirational quotes about humor to reinforce today’s message.

Quotes About Humor:

A day without laughter is a day wasted. ~Charlie Chaplin
Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers
There’s a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. ~Erma Bombeck
I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person. ~Audrey Hepburn
I realize that humor isn’t for everyone. It’s only for people who want to have fun, enjoy life, and feel alive. ~Anne Wilson Schaef
Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment. ~Grenville Kleiser
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else’s expense. And I find that that’s just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else’s feelings. ~Ellen DeGeneres

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If you found these quotes about humor inspiring and interesting then please share them on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now. If you do, I’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

09/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

Here are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers over the past few weeks and which I thought I’d share with you.

I can’t be sure of their origins but they all made me smile and I hope they brighten your day too dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl I’m sure. I hope so anyway. Enjoy them all.

Great one-liner jokes:

A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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