humor

15 Quotes by Moms Mabley that are worth sharing

06/18/2021 by Roy Sutton

I must confess that I was not familiar with the work of African American comedienne Jackie “Moms” Mabley until relatively recently.

However, I stumbled on her work by accident on YouTube and I was intrigued by her. So naturally, I went in search of some information about her, as well as some quotes by Moms Mabley.

Born Loretta Mary Aiken, she adopted the stage name Moms Mabley and she was a veteran of the Chitlin’ Circuit of African-American vaudeville.

She also appeared on legendary American television shows such as The Ed Sullivan Show and The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour. In fact, she’s also one of the earliest examples of women in comedy.

Born in 1894, Moms Mabley was one of 16 children and like most African Americans of her day, particularly women, she’d had a tough early life.

At the encouragement of her grandmother, she ran away and joined a travelling minstrel show where she sang and entertained. Her stage persona was that of an older, dishevelled woman.

Certainly, she was a woman on whom life had left its mark. For instance, by age of 14, she had been raped twice (at age 11, by an elderly black man, and age 13, by a white sheriff) and had two children who were given up for adoption.

At the age of 27, she came out as a lesbian becoming one of the first openly gay comedians. That wouldn’t have been easy in the less enlightened age in which she lived and tried to earn a living.

So if you’re not familiar with Moms Mabley, I recommend you take a closer look at her work, but not before you read these 15 quotes by Moms Mabley.

Quotes by Moms Mabley:

Quit it if you can’t do nothin’ with it. ~Moms Mabley
Use those brains that God put in your head. ~Moms Mabley
It’s no disgrace to be old but damn if it isn’t inconvenient. ~Moms Mabley
[On old age:] You wake up one morning and you got it. ~Moms Mabley
[Advice to children crossing the street] Damn the lights. Watch the cars. The lights ain’t never killed nobody. ~Moms Mabley
You know Moms has been accused of liking young men and I’m guilty. ~Moms Mabley
Any time you see me with my arms around an old man, I’m holding him for the police. ~Moms Mabley
My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick. ~Moms Mabley
Love is like playing checkers. You have to know which man to move. ~Moms Mabley
Ain’t nothin’ an ol’ man can do but bring me a message from a young one. ~Moms Mabley
I don’t want nothing old, but some old money. Buy me some young ideas. That’s what I’m gonna do with it. ~Moms Mabley
The teenagers aren’t all bad. I love ’em if nobody else does. There ain’t nothing wrong with young people. Jus’ quit lyin’ to ’em. ~Moms Mabley
Never lose your head, not even for a minute. You need your head. Your brain’s in it. ~Moms Mabley
Without that basic foundation in showmanship, an act can’t remain at the top. Half of the children nowadays don’t even know how to take a bow. ~Moms Mabley
Black women, white women; all of them. I’m colorblind. I don’t know the difference. I only know you’re a human being and you’re my children. ~Moms Mabley

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Thank you.

15 Quotes by Jay Leno that are quite amusing

06/14/2021 by Roy Sutton

Funnyman Jay Leno is one of American television’s biggest personalities and he is recognised as a major star around the world.

Born James Douglas Muir Leno in New Rochelle, New York, he’s a comedian, actor, writer and producer, as well as a television host best known for his years hosting The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from 1992–2009.

Quick with a joke or a funny quip he always made me smile. So today I thought I’d explore some of his wit and wisdom.

And let’s face it wisdom is always at the heart of every witty quote.

So here are 15 quotes by Jay Leno to brighten your day.

Quotes by Jay Leno:

Politics is just show business for ugly people. ~Jay Leno
You’re not famous until my mother has heard of you. ~Jay Leno
You can’t stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. ~Jay Leno
Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? ~Jay Leno
I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you’re not the best, so you should work a little harder. ~Jay Leno
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. ~Jay Leno
People don’t mind if you have a lot of money if they know you’re working for it. ~Jay Leno
New Year’s Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot unless of course, those tests come back positive. ~Jay Leno
If I have one advantage, it’s that I will try to work harder than the next guy. ~Jay Leno
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. ~Jay Leno
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we’re doing anonymously. ~Jay Leno
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~Jay Leno
For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn’t that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you’re average – hey, let’s get a pizza! ~Jay Leno
Magic Johnson, a former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good ‘ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers. ~Jay Leno
Nineteen per cent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments. ~Jay Leno

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21 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

06/12/2021 by Roy Sutton

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but I’m not so sure.

Personally, I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 21 sarcasm quotes that are sharp, funny and they definitely made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Unfortunately despite my research, I haven’t been able to identify the originators of these clever lines, so they remain by authors unknown. Should you be able to point me in the direction of the original authors, then I would happy to add appropriate credits and links. So please, do let me know.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:-

The sharpest form of wit:

Me? Sarcastic? Never!
Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
Stupidity is not a crime. So you’re free to go
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and you head up your ass at the same time?
You never learn anything by doing it right.
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
I’m returning your nose dear! I found it in my business.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.
I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
I disagree but I respect your right to be stupid.
I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?
Patience: What you have when there are far too many witnesses.

Enjoyed these sarcasm quotes?

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

15 Quotes by Bob Newhart reflecting his personal philosophy

06/09/2021 by Roy Sutton

There are many fine comedians in this world and many of the finest are American. And for me at least, one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s certainly made me laugh out loud, many times.

Many years ago I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart and from that moment on I was absolutely hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation, I’m sitting in my car waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly on my car radio, they play the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It really was that funny.

If you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon.

However before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humor, some reflect his sense of the absurd and some are just thought-provoking.

Quotes by Bob Newhart:

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humor. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’. ~Bob Newhart
People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t know how doctors pick one speciality over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attaches to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

If you’re not familiar with Bob Newhart’s work then I can strongly recommend you listen to the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. I can also recommend The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!

These audio recordings are both funny and well worth your time. Well worth buying your own copies too. I think so anyway.

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You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Thank you.

15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you

06/08/2021 by Roy Sutton

Today I thought it would be amusing to explore some funny work quotes.

Personally, I love my work. I love having a sense of purpose and something to get me out of bed each day.

However, not everyone feels the way I do and anyway, it’s never a good idea to take anything too seriously.

Occasionally we must laugh at the nature of human existence. And a good place to start laughing is with the subject of work.

Love it or hate it, it dominates all our lives nevertheless. So today I’ve pulled together 15 funny work quotes to make you smile.

Once again these quotes come from many sources but one, in particular, I must acknowledge and that’s Cool Funny Quotes where you’ll find some of these and many more besides. So check it out.

Funny work quotes:

Hard work never killed anybody but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
I don’t work on weekends or any other day that ends with “Y”. ~Author Unknown
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. ~Author Unknown
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. ~Groucho Marx
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. ~The Simpsons
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Where X is work; Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~Albert Einstein (well, maybe!)
As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~Tom Goins
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~John Gotti
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential that word would be ‘meetings.’ ~Dave Barry
He’s so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor. ~Paddy O’Dea
Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday? ~Author Unknown
Got to work this morning and my boss told me ‘have a good day’, so I went home and had a great day! ~Author Unknown
Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery. ~Author Unknown
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels. ~Author Unknown
I once had a job in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. ~Author Unknown

Enjoyed these quotes? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

21 funny quotes you’ll absolutely love

06/07/2021 by Roy Sutton

I love quotes and I love those funny quotes that make you smile and make you think.

Here are 21 funny quotes to highlight my point. Enjoy them all.

Funny quotes:

Smile today because tomorrow could be worse. ~Anonymous
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ~Anonymous
I am on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it. ~Anonymous
You’re born free then you’re taxed to death. ~Anonymous
He who wakes up early yawns all day long. ~Anonymous
I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed. ~Anonymous
Those who snore always fall asleep first. ~Anonymous
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all, intelligence has its limits. ~Anonymous
I just wanted you to know somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does. ~Anonymous
“Revenge” sounds so mean, that’s why I prefer to call it “Returning the favor.” ~Anonymous
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you’re with someone you’re not supposed to be seen with. ~Anonymous
It’s alright if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right. ~Anonymous
To make a mistake is human but to blame it on someone else, now that’s even more human.
~Anonymous
It may look like I’m doing nothing but in my head, I’m quite busy. ~Anonymous
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn’t then go in through the window. ~Anonymous
Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done. ~Anonymous
Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. ~Anonymous
I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food. I don’t even know where sandwiches live. ~Anonymous
Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you’re bad luck. ~Anonymous
I don’t need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry! ~Anonymous
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. ~Anonymous

If you enjoyed these funny quotes, please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these funny quotes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

31 funny puns that are very cheesy but very amusing

06/06/2021 by Roy Sutton

Do you like funny puns, dear reader? I hope so because I’ve put together a collection of 31 of them just for you.

Personally, I love funny puns and clever wordplay. Witty one-liners like this make me smile every time. Today’s collection is no exception.

I loved them all and I hope you will too. So take a moment, relax and enjoy them.

Funny puns:

Marriage proposals are so engaging.
I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy.
What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.
Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? She was feline fine!
What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake.
I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
The invention of drones has given us a new perspective on things.
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
I broke my finger at work today, but on the other hand, everything’s okay.
Police were called to childcare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
I was fired from my job at the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”
If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
My girlfriend really changed when she became a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
My girlfriend says she’s been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in her head.
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

Please share this post with your friends:

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

35 witty quotes from funny people you’ll love

06/05/2021 by Roy Sutton

I love witty quotes from the funniest people and I always make a note of the best ones in my journal.

Today I thought I’d share some of them with you dear reader.

Here are 35 of the best witty quotes from some very funny people and I hope you enjoy them all. Certainly, I did.

Witty quotes:

One in four frogs is a leapfrog. ~Chris Turner
My cat is recovering from a massive stroke. ~Darren Walsh
A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. ~Ross Smith
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring. ~Leo Kearse
I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. ~Will Marsh
Words can’t express how much I hate World Emoji Day. ~Christian Talbot
I love Snapchat. I could talk about classic card games all day. ~Aatif Nawaz
Thing is, we all just want to belong. But some of us are short. ~Lou Sanders
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat. ~Joe Lycett
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~ Jordan Brookes
A rescue cat is like recycled toilet paper. Good for the planet, but scratchy. ~Chris Turner
Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. ~Richard Stott
I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open. ~Paul F. Taylor
I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed. ~Olaf Falafel
I used to be addicted to swimming but I’m very proud to say I’ve been dry for six years. ~Alfie Moore
My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young, he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs. ~Rhys James
My Dad said, always leave them wanting more. Ironically, that’s how he lost his job in disaster relief. ~Mark Watson
One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, ‘Ah well, you only live once.” ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase. ~Rob Beckett
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
Feminism is not a fad. It’s not like Angry Birds. Although it does involve a lot of angry birds. Bad example. ~Bridget Christie
The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’. ~Andrew Bird
I’m sure wherever my Dad is: he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending. ~Jack Whitehall
Oh my god, mega drama the other day: My dishwasher stopped working! Yup, his visa expired. ~Alexander Henry Buchanan-Dunlop
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, ‘There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him’. ~Carey Marx
I don’t have the Protestant work ethic, I have the Catholic work ethic; in that, I don’t work but I do feel very guilty about that. ~Rory O’Keeffe
I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. ~Adele Cliff
When I found out the amusement park was taking photos of me on their rides without my permission I was fluming. ~Olaf Falafel
I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
My sister had a baby and they took a while to name her and I was like, ‘Hurry up!’ because I didn’t want my niece to grow up to be one of these kids you hear about on the news where it says, ‘The 17-year-old defendant, who hasn’t been named’. ~Jenny Collier
I just bought underwater headphones and it’s made me loads faster. Do you know how motivating it is swimming to the theme song from Jaws? I mean my anxiety is through the roof but record times. ~Felicity Ward
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: ‘This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox

Please share this post with your friends:

Do you agree that these are some of the best witty quotes, dear reader?

You do? I hope so anyway.

If you did enjoy them then please, please share this post with your friends on social media because when you share everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you can do that for me then I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience and that will be your good deed for the day.

Thank you.

30 dark sarcasm quotes that’ll make you smile

05/31/2021 by Roy Sutton

When you want to suggest a hint of menace then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful. People need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you. Sarcasm is a powerful way of getting that message across.

So today I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did and I’m confident you will too.

Dark sarcasm quotes:

Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
Surely you must be on stupid pills?
If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black.
Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
I’m a leader, not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these dark sarcasm quotes dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll really make you smile

05/24/2021 by Roy Sutton

Ladies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have a need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
Yes, I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
OMG! She’s really been hit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
If you want to lose weight quickly, you could always shave your legs.
What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
You remind me of a penny. Two-faced and not worth much.
I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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