humor

33 very clever one liners guaranteed to make you smile

04/02/2020 by Roy Sutton

I’m always impressed with clever one liners. I can’t resist those short, sharp witty remarks that always make me smile. So naturally I collect them, noting them down in my journal every day.

Today I thought I share some of the best clever one liners I’ve heard recently. They’re all quite brilliant in my opinion.

So take a couple of minutes to enjoy them all.

Clever one liners:

How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
Just received a card full of rice. It’s from Uncle Ben.
Exaggerations went up by one million percent last year.
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. It was just collecting dust.
I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh. No pun in 10 did.
Why did the chicken go to the séance? To get to the other side.
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said “40”.
Why do we tell actors to ‘break a leg?’ Because every play has a cast.
My friend says to me: “What rhymes with orange?” I said: “No it doesn’t!”
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
I’ve found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters. It’s shift work.
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines.
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field. But hay, it’s in my jeans.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going there.
I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said “Don’t mention it.”
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.
Hear about the new restaurant called ‘Karma’? There’s no menu, you only get what you deserve.
I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
A man tells his doctor, “Help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” To which the doctor replied, “Sorry, I’m not following you.”
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? “Thanks! I’ll never part with it!”

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If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

35 short but brilliant one liner quotes you’ll love

04/01/2020 by Roy Sutton

I love brilliant one liner quotes. In fact whenever I come across some good ones I always make a note of them in my journal. Naturally I review what I’ve collected occasionally and I thought today I’d share my most recent collection with you dear reader.

So here are some short but brilliant one liner quotes which I’m confident you’ll love.

Enjoy them all.

Brilliant one liner quotes:

When in doubt, mumble.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
No one’s listening until you fart.
Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
I want to live forever. So far, so good.
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
There are no real winners in life, only survivors.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving’s not for you!
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it homeless or naked?
For every action, there’s a corresponding over-reaction.
You should laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
Research confirms 4 out of 3 people struggle with math.
I don’t have a solution, but I can offer a critical comment.
Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Life is like a bird. It’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.
People make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
The best way to lie is to tell a carefully edited version of truth.
I know God’s watching me, so the least I can be is entertaining.
People who smile in a crisis have found someone else to blame.
God must really love stupid people. He’s made so many of them.
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.
We’re all part of the ultimate statistic – 10 out of 10 people will die.
We live in a society where pizza gets to our house before the police.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for easier ways to do things.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The hardest thing about success is finding someone who’s pleased for you
The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

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When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

03/26/2020 by Roy Sutton

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True they won’t interview them all but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them, if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon then naturally you’ll want a few pointers in how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget though, the impression you leave can be a good one but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile and I hope it brightens your day too.

How to make an impression:

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Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

10 amusing quotes that’ll crack you up

03/20/2020 by Roy Sutton

If you have a passion for offbeat quotes then here are 10 of the best quotes you’ll read. Certainly they are amusing quotes.

Unfortunately they’re all by authors unknown, so I haven’t been able to add credits. However it would be a genuine pleasure to include credits if readers can shed any light on their origin.

Contact me if you can help. In the meantime, enjoy today’s amusing quotes:-

Amusing quotes:

A woman’s dream is not to find the perfect mate. A woman’s dream is to eat without putting on weight.
What’s your best non-swearing insult? “I hope you step on a Lego!”
Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.
Laughing is one of the best exercises; it’s like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it’s even better with a friend.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke but the best ones argon.
Kids, I don’t know if our ceiling is the best ceiling but it’s definitely up there.
The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.

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If any of these quotes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

15 Quotes by Amy Poehler

03/12/2020 by Roy Sutton

Amy Poehler is an American actress, voice artist, comedian, director, producer and writer. She is also an inspiration to women everywhere.

Amy Poehler is probably best known for her appearances on the US television series Saturday Night Live, and she has a reputation for being a woman with the determination to contribute significantly in her own right rather than being content with a decorative, background role supporting leading men.

This is a woman who is smart, talented and one who knows where she’s going. She has a determination to succeed on her own terms and that’s a quality I admire.

We would all do well to follow her example, regardless of our gender. We leave our own mark on life with the things we actually achieve and the contribution we make.

So here are 15 quotes by Amy Poehler which reflect her philosophy and her approach to succeeding in a tough profession.

Quotes by Amy Poehler:

I get a little itchy if I don’t have some control. ~Amy Poehler
I’ve always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler. ~Amy Poehler
I believe great people do things before they are ready. ~Amy Poehler
The earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have, and not obsess about what you don’t have, the happier you will be. ~Amy Poehler
I cannot stress enough that the answer to life’s questions is often in people’s faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep. ~Amy Poehler
Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don’t know about. Limit your ‘always’ and your ‘nevers.’ ~Amy Poehler
I’d say any good set or any comedy that I’ve worked on, that’s worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, ‘What if you say this? What about this?’ ~Amy Poehler
Any actor or actress that tells you that they don’t watch their stuff is lying. ~Amy Poehler
I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they “want to do” and start asking them what they don’t want to do. ~Amy Poehler
You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing. ~Amy Poehler
Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier. ~Amy Poehler
It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate. ~Amy Poehler
Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself. ~Amy Poehler
How a person treats their waitress is a great indication of their character. ~Amy Poehler
I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things. ~Amy Poehler

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Thank you.

35 funny sarcasm memes you’ll just love

03/11/2020 by Roy Sutton

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So dear reader, did these funny sarcasm memes make you smile?

I hope so. However there’s plenty more to amuse if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles just for you.

And if you’ve enjoyed today’s post then please share it with all your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

You’ll love these 4 clever and very funny international commercials

03/09/2020 by Roy Sutton

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree dear reader?

I love clever commercials and I like funny commercials too. And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well dear reader, if like me you enjoy clever and amusing commercials then I think you might enjoy these ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials but you will enjoy them I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

4 clever and very funny international commercials:

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So dear reader, did these funny international commercials make you laugh?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting

03/04/2020 by Roy Sutton

Today I offer you a very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting.

If you’re in a professional role then meetings go with the territory for you, I’m sure you’ll agree?

In fact meetings are probably the bane of your life, I’m sure you’ll probably agree with that too.

Frequently you’re invited to a meeting because your expertise will play an important part in any decisions to be made. You possess knowledge and knowhow that no one else can offer, therefore the meeting needs you to guide them through choppy waters and to keep them away from the rocks of disaster.

It’s nice to be recognised for your expertise of course.

However it is a fact of life that just because you’re the expert, it doesn’t stop everyone else in the meeting thinking that somehow they know better than you.

You’re asked for your opinion and then you’re immediately contradicted.

Essentially you provide a considered response to a question and then immediately your opinion is dismissed for whatever resaon. You’re told you’re being too pessimistic or that you’re exaggerating the risks associated with a given approach and so on. Does this sound familiar?

Well today’s video is for all the experts out there who’ve ever had to endure a meeting with non-experts who are unwilling or unable to understand what you’re telling them. I’m sure you’ll know the experience dear reader.

This comedy sketch is hilarious and it does nail an essential truth.

People will believe what they want to believe and whatever they believe to be in their interests, regardless of anything they’re told to the contrary.

This video is recommended viewing for anyone in need of a good laugh and it’s well worth a few minutes of your time.

Comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting:

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So did this video prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed this post then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult

03/03/2020 by Roy Sutton

Have you ever had that experience where someone tests your patience and you only wish you’d had the right witty insult on the tip of your tongue and ready to let them know that you’re not someone that will suffer fools for too long?

It’s always useful to have a stock of sarcastic responses ready to hand for such occasions.

In today’s post I offer you 29 examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult.

I hope at least one or two of them will also raise a smile with you too.

And of course I hope these provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

Sarcasm and witty insults:

Do I know who you are? Why? Don’t you?
Clearly wit is a skill you’ve yet to master.
Would it really hurt to smile occasionally?
If your aim was to irritate me then you’re plan is working so far.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares about what you think?
I’m not sarcastic; I’m just allergic to stupid
Take your time buddy, it’s not like the rest of us have stuff to do.
That you’ve survived this long without a brain is a miracle of modern science.
Now who might you be and why should it matter to me?
You’re wearing that shirt as part of a ‘get noticed’ strategy, aren’t you?
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.
Listen tiger, if you’re trying to impress me, it’ll take a bit more than a vanilla latte with a blueberry muffin on the side.
I’m sure your mother thinks you’re important but guess what? The rest of world doesn’t agree.
Your disdain for your customers suggests you’d be wise to consider another line of work.
Some people have genuine talent and then there are deluded people like you.
I may have had a bit too much to drink mam but tomorrow I’ll be sober, whereas you’ll still be ugly.
$10 for an iced tea with a twist and a little umbrella? I just wanted a drink; I wasn’t trying to purchase the entire bar.
Were you born a pain in the ass or have you had special training?
You’ve got a face on you like you’ve been sucking sour lemons for a week.
If you’re pleasant with others you might find they’ll be a bit more agreeable with you. Try it, the results might surprise you.
Clearly you’re bereft of talent but I admire your willingness to have a go anyway.
If your aim was to insult me, you’ll need to do a lot better than that buddy.
There’s nothing like exceptional customer service and that was nothing like exceptional customer service.
Regardless of what you seem to think, being polite to people hasn’t gone out of fashion.
Well we’ve now established that you can be really stupid when you want to be. So what else are you good at?
So you’ve got a few qualifications. That just means you’re quite good at remembering stuff. So what?
Have you ever thought of getting a personality transplant? Certainly the one you’ve got now is not helping your cause.
I didn’t say you were overweight but you’re certainly taking bloating to a whole new level.
I wouldn’t say you’re slow as such but you do give the impression that you’re a nickel short of a dime.

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these examples of sarcasm for when you need a witty insult actually made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more examples of sarcasm? Then just click on the links below.

10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing

03/02/2020 by Roy Sutton

One of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably, I’m sure you’ll agree with that dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

Just recently I stumbled upon a very funny book that works a treat with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell and I think it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love and they’ll be keen to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies and impress their teachers.

And remember; if a child has a stock of jokes to tell then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

So I’ve got to tell you dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:-

Stupid jokes just for you:

What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals

Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
To keep each udder warm

Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angel fish

Why don’t bears wear socks?
Because they like to walk in their bear feet

What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra

What’s out of bounds?
An exhausted kangaroo

Why are anteaters good workers?
Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone

Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
Because pigs are squealers

What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
Baby porcupines

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a Look Inside or purchase a copy then just CLICK HERE

DISCLOSURE: This post contains Amazon affiliate links, which means that should you make a purchase via these links then I will receive a small commission. There will be no additional cost to you as the purchaser. Such commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this website. Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you.

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So dear reader, was this post worth a few minutes of your time?

Perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

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Clever one liners:

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Other articles which will also amuse you:

Brilliant one liner quotes:

Other articles which will also amuse you:

How to make an impression:

Other articles which will also amuse you:

Amusing quotes:

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

Quotes by Amy Poehler:

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Similar articles you may also find interesting:

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Other articles you’ll find amusing:

4 clever and very funny international commercials:

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Other articles you’ll find amusing:

Comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting:

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

Sarcasm and witty insults:

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

Stupid jokes just for you:

Please share this post with your friends:

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

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