21 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny

06/07/2025 by

Here are 21 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and smile simultaneously.

They’re so bad they’re funny. Certainly, they made me smile.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

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21 Bad Jokes:

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag?”
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton.”

 

  • Man in a bookstore: Where is the Self-Help section, please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told you that, sir, it would defeat the purpose.

 

  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!

 

  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.

 

  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.

 

  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!

 

  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!

 

  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!

 

  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.

 

  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.

 

  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!

 

  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!

 

  • How do you think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!

 

  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus

 

  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

 

  • What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
  • Dam.

 

  • If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
  • European.

 

  • Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
  • He won the no-bell prize.

 

  • What’s red and bad for your teeth?
  • A brick.

 

  • Two guys walk into a bar.
  • The third guy ducks.

 

  • Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
  • He just needed some space.
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If any of these really bad jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face now, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post right away.

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Thank you for being so supportive.

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31 jokes for children that will make you smile too

06/05/2025 by

Looking for some jokes for children, dear reader?

Like adults, children love to laugh, and telling jokes to children is a great way to bond with them.

So today I’ve put together some very silly jokes that will really appeal to the children in your life, particularly younger children.

Take five minutes to enjoy these jokes and share them with the kids in your life.

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Jokes for children (1-10):

  1. What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt!
  2. Why don’t male ants sink? They’re buoy-ant.
  3. What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot.
  4. Where does Batman go to the toilet? The batroom.
  5. What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.
  6. How do oceans say hello to each other? They wave.
  7. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
  8. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  9. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  10. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because he lost his filling.

Jokes for children (11-20):

  1. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
  2. Why did the M&M go to school? Because it wanted to be a Smartie.
  3. Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
  4. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
  5. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
  6. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
  7. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
  8. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  9. What did one tomato say to the other? You go on ahead and I’ll ketchup.
  10. Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.

Jokes for children (21-31):

  1. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? They dribble all the time.
  2. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A chicken sees a salad.
  3. Why did it get so hot in the ballpark after the game? All of the fans left.
  4. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood.
  5. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  6. Why are ghosts, such bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
  7. Why aren’t koalas actually bears? Because they don’t have the koalafications.
  8. Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar? They both got six months each.
  9. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
  10. How many times can you subtract 10 from 100? The next time you would be subtracting 10 from 90.
  11. Did you hear about the dog that ate all the Scrabble tiles? He kept leaving little messages all over the house.

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So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these jokes for children made you smile, please share this post with your children, as well as your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

JOKES FOR CHILDREN
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31 funny, short jokes that will tickle you

06/02/2025 by
31 funny short jokes

If you’re looking for some short, funny jokes to cheer you up, then I have 31 little gems here for you today, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, they tickled me, and I’m confident that you will like them too.

So, please grab a cup of coffee and then take a short break to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on

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Funny jokes (1-10):

My wife suggested that I make a belt out of old pocket watches, but I thought that would be a waist of time.

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true? Husband: To be honest, I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

I tried mixing Mexican alcohol with 20th-century American literature last night. The result was tequila mockingbird.

I bought a sweater, but it just kept picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store, and they gave me another one, free of charge.

Being kissed while you’re asleep must be one of the purest forms of love, unless you’re in prison, of course.

I woke up this morning and found my pet mouse, Elvis, dead in the kitchen. He was caught in a trap.

Did you hear what happened at the bread factory? It went up in flames this morning. Everything was toast.

Once upon a time, there lived a king who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible king, but he made a great ruler.

I went to SeaWorld with Lionel Richie and his amazing, performing pet cat. What a feline, dancing on the sea lion.

My wife took going to jail badly. She swore at anyone who came near her and started throwing things everywhere. I won’t be playing Monopoly with her again.

Funny jokes (11-20):

I went to see my doctor this morning wearing creased clothes. He says I have an iron deficiency.

It’s my wife’s birthday next week, and she’s been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house. I hope she likes the magazine rack I bought her.

Little Johnny: “Miss, can I be punished for something I haven’t done?” Teacher: “Of course not, Johnny! That wouldn’t be fair!” Little Johnny: “That’s good to know, Miss, because I haven’t done my homework.”

Bill was devastated when he arrived home with his 5-year-old, and his wife told him the boy wasn’t his. She told him that he needed to pay more attention when picking his son up from school.

Waiter: “How would you like your steak, sir?” Me: “Like winning an argument with my wife.” Waiter: “Rare it is then!“

My neighbour’s wife left him last week. She said she was going out for milk but never came back. I asked him how he was coping. “Not bad,” he said. “I’ve been using that powdered stuff.”

Don’t you hate it when you compliment someone on how bushy their moustache is, and then she suddenly starts getting upset with you?

I threw a ball for my dog. Everyone said that I was being extravagant, but it was his birthday, and he did look good in a dinner jacket.

My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect, and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

They’ve got a new machine in my gym. I used it for half an hour yesterday, but then I started to feel sick. It’s great, though. It does everything: KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Hershey bars, Oreo Cookies, the lot.

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Funny jokes (21-31):

I read a book last night called “How to end sentences with Beatles song titles“. That’s two hours of my life I won’t get back.

I was tearful when the paint pot fell from my stepladder. I was overcome with emulsion.

My wife suddenly burst into our living room and shouted, “Honey, pack your bags. I’ve won the lottery!” Naturally, I said, “Oh wow! What should I pack, beach stuff or comfortable walking shoes?” “No!” she said. “You don’t understand. I’ve won the lottery. Just get out.”

I started a new job as a deliveryman today. When I got to the first address, there was a little note on the door saying, “Dear Mr Deliveryman, we’re out, please hide in the garage.” That was eight hours ago, and still, nobody’s found me.

I got kicked out of the Walmart staff room today. They asked me what I was doing there. “Taking a break,” I responded. “But you don’t work here!” they replied. “Well, I’ve just been through the self-checkout,” I said. “So, clearly, I do!“

Two working guys are in a field. One guy is digging holes. The other is filling them in again. An elderly lady walking by sees what they’re doing and asks, “Why are you digging holes and then filling them in? What’s the point?” The first guy looks over at her and then says, “Well, mam, there’s normally three of us but the bloke that puts trees in the holes rang in sick today.”

A guy walks into a bar, sits at the counter, orders twelve beers, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender sees what he’s doing and asks, “Hey, buddy, why are you drinking so fast?” The guy looks at him sheepishly and says, “You’d be drinking fast too if you had what I had.” The bartender, slightly puzzled by this response, asks, “What do you have?” The guy smiles and says, “75 cents.”

An American tourist is driving through Ireland. He stops when he sees a bar, walks inside, and asks a local man, “Hey, buddy, what’s the quickest way to Cork?” The man looks at him and says, “Are you walking or driving?” The tourist replies, “I’m driving.” The local man smiles and says, “Aye, that’ll be the quickest way, for sure.”

My wife shouted from upstairs, “Did you just feel a sharp pain like a voodoo model of you was being stabbed?” Slightly puzzled, I said, “No.” A moment later, she replied, “How about now?“

I’ve just been ripped off. I bought a bookcase, and on the box, it stated clearly ‘SELF-ASSEMBLY.’ When I got home, I took it out of the box and sat for three hours watching it, and it didn’t do anything. Eventually, I had to put it together myself.

An elderly man shuffled slowly into the ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly and painfully up onto a stool at the counter. After a moment to catch his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress smiled and asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?” “No!” said the old man. “It’s rheumatoid arthritis.”

Please share this post with your friends:

So, dear reader, were these funny, short jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If this post made you smile, please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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31 great quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm

05/29/2025 by

Today, I thought it might be amusing to look back at some of the many memorable quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you’re not familiar with this sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm is a hilarious comedy starring Larry David, who plays a fictionalized version of himself.

Essentially, the series follows Larry’s life as a semi-retired television writer and producer as he attempts to cope with life’s frustrations and quirks.

For me, it’s one of the great American sitcoms.

There are plenty of Curb Your Enthusiasm clips on YouTube if you want to check out this comedy, and if you’re unfamiliar with it, that’s well worth doing when you have a little time to spare.

So go ahead and take a look, but not before you’ve enjoyed these memorable quotes.

Enjoy them all.

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Quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm:

I’m yelling for society.

I find human contact repulsive.

Can I apologise for the apology?

I’m married. I can wear whatever I want.

By sundown? What are you, Gary Cooper?

I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.

Hey, mind your own business. How about that?

I’ve got ideas, but I choose not to carry them out.

I always think of nice things, but I never act on them.

It seems silly to me to put a napkin on an old pair of pants.

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Why does everybody have to have pictures of everything?

I’m feeling pretty good. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good.”

Anybody want to help a semi-retarded individual change a tire?

We’re fighting because you’re a moron. That’s why we’re fighting.

I’m sorry if you’re offended. I don’t think I said anything offensive.

You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes.

I don’t like talking to people I know, but strangers I have no problem with.

Bald asshole? That’s a hate crime. We consider ourselves to be a group.

He wanted to stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat.

Can I tell you something about apricots? 1 in 30 is a good one. It’s such a low percentage fruit.

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A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone.

Nobody likes a tattle-tale, NOBODY! So go ahead and squeal and you’ll end up in HELL! OKAY!

You can put my colon up next to your colon; we’ll see who has a cleaner, healthier colon.

What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?

It’s completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career’s been based on being unprofessional.

An employee is told that the customer’s always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

You’re nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbours. The thieves don’t impose. Thieves just want your things. Neighbours want your time.

I did, once, try and stop a woman who was about to get hit by a car. I screamed out ‘Watch out!’ and she said ‘Don’t you tell me what to do!’

You know what? Never mind, alright! I-I’ll take my liver out! I’ll walk around with a dialysis machine hanging out of me for the rest of my life, no problem!

You know what it is? You’re always attracted to someone who doesn’t want you, right? Well, here you have somebody who not only doesn’t want you; doesn’t even acknowledge your right to exist; wants your destruction! That’s a turn-on.

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Did you enjoy these quotes from Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you enjoyed them, please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you for your support.

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37 short quotes that are funny and sharp

05/28/2025 by

If you’re looking for some short quotes that are funny and sharp, dear reader, then I’ve curated 37 little gems for you today.

I’m confident that at least a few of them will make you smile.

Who originally gave us these little gems? I have no idea. But whoever it was, we should all thank them.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all, and feel free to pass them on.

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Short quotes that are funny (1-10):

  1. I’m not short, I’m fun-sized!
  2. I’m not old, I’m just a classic.
  3. I’m not weird, I’m just different.
  4. I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.
  5. I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.
  6. I’m not weird, I’m just a limited edition.
  7. I’m not bald, I’m just taller than my hair.
  8. I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.
  9. I’m not always right, I’m just never wrong.
  10. I’m not impatient, I just prefer not to wait.

Short quotes that are funny (11-20):

  1. I’m not messy, I’m creatively disorganized.
  2. I’m not clumsy, I’m just gravity challenged.
  3. I’m not moody, I just have a lot of feelings.
  4. I’m not stubborn, I’m just persistently right.
  5. I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively social.
  6. I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.
  7. I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in smartass.
  8. I’m not late, I’m just chronologically challenged.
  9. I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.
  10. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
37 SHORT QUOTES THAT ARE FUNNY
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Short quotes that are funny (21-30):

  1. I’m not difficult, I’m just picky about my stupidity.
  2. If life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
  3. I don’t have bad handwriting; I have my own font.
  4. I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.
  5. I wanted to be a baker but couldn’t raise the dough.
  6. I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
  7. I’m not procrastinating, I’m prioritizing in reverse order.
  8. I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually by accident.
  9. I’m not messy, I just like to create my own obstacle courses.
  10. I tried to start a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.

Short quotes that are funny (31-37):

  1. I’m not arguing, I’m just passionately expressing why I’m right.
  2. I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just very efficient at doing nothing.
  3. I’m not forgetful, I’m just experiencing spontaneous memory loss.
  4. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right in a different way.
  5. I’m not nosy, I’m just overly curious about everything and everyone.
  6. I’m not a morning person. I’m a mourning person, mourning the loss of my sleep.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of debt payments.

Please share with your friends:

So, there you have it. My 37 short quotes that are funny. However, were they as funny as you’d hoped? I hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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Really funny commercials that’ll make you smile

05/27/2025 by

Do you like really funny commercials, dear reader?

Now, how many commercials does the average person see in a year? Thousands, wouldn’t you agree?

And how many of those commercials will the average consumer remember as they consider making a purchasing decision? Not that many, I think.

However, if a commercial is to leave a powerful impression on consumers, it must be memorable. The question then is, how is it made memorable? Well, there can be few better ways than the use of humour.

The best commercials are really funny with a link back to the product’s unique selling proposition.

Here is a video with a series of commercials for the culturally, insensitively named chocolate bar Japp (a product made by the Mars company, I believe), which ticks all the boxes for me. 

These really funny commercials made me smile, and I hope they will brighten your day too.

REALLY FUNNY COMMERCIALS
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Really Funny Commercials:

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If any of these really funny commercials made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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15 Quotes by Amy Poehler that reflect her philosophy

05/24/2025 by

If you’re looking for quotes by Amy Poehler, this article is for you.

Amy Poehler is an American actress, voice artist, comedian, director, producer, and writer. She is also an inspiration to women everywhere.

Amy Poehler is probably best known for her appearances on the US television series Saturday Night Live. She has a reputation for being a woman with the determination to contribute significantly in her own right rather than being content with a decorative, background role supporting leading men.

This is a woman who is smart, talented, and one who knows where she’s going. She has a determination to succeed on her own terms, and that’s a quality I admire.

We would all do well to follow her example, regardless of our gender. We leave our mark on life with the things we achieve and the contributions we make.

So here are 15 quotes by Amy Poehler that reflect her philosophy and her approach to succeeding in a tough profession.

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Quotes by Amy Poehler:

  1. I get a little itchy if I don’t have some control. ~Amy Poehler
  2. I’ve always dreamed of growing up to be Amy Poehler. ~Amy Poehler
  3. I believe great people do things before they are ready. ~Amy Poehler
  4. The earlier you learn that you should focus on what you have, and not obsess about what you don’t have, the happier you will be. ~Amy Poehler
  5. I cannot stress enough that the answer to life’s questions is often in people’s faces. Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous or asleep. ~Amy Poehler
  6. Try to keep your mind open to possibilities and your mouth closed on matters that you don’t know about. Limit your ‘always’ and your ‘nevers.’ ~Amy Poehler
  7. I’d say any good set or any comedy that I’ve worked on, that’s worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, ‘What if you say this? What about this?’ ~Amy Poehler
  8. Any actor or actress who tells you that they don’t watch their stuff is lying. ~Amy Poehler
  9. I think we should stop asking people in their twenties what they “want to do” and start asking them what they don’t want to do. ~Amy Poehler
  10. You do it because the doing of it is the thing. The doing is the thing. The talking and worrying and thinking is not the thing. ~Amy Poehler
  11. Decide what your currency is early. Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier. ~Amy Poehler
  12. It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for. It takes years to find your voice and seize your real estate. ~Amy Poehler
  13. Watching great people do what you love is a good way to start learning how to do it yourself. ~Amy Poehler
  14. How a person treats their waitress is a great indication of their character. ~Amy Poehler
  15. I want to be around people that do things. I don’t want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people that dream and support and do things. ~Amy Poehler

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Thank you.

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31 sarcastic responses to rude people

05/10/2025 by

Looking for some sarcastic responses to rude people, dear reader?

If you’ve ever worked in the retail trade, as I have, you’ll have encountered plenty of rude people.

That said, just travelling on public transport these days can expose us all to rude people.

Well, if you meet any, it’s always helpful to have some ammunition to respond.

So today I’ve put together 31 sarcastic responses to rude people that you might find come in useful in the weeks and months ahead. They might just make you smile, too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please feel free to pass them on.

sarcastic responses to rude people
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Sarcastic responses to rude people (1-10):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were such an expert.
  2. Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be sure to ignore it.
  3. Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize you made all the rules.
  4. My bad! I didn’t realize my sarcasm would be lost on you.
  5. Well, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to a genius.
  6. Excuse me, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a professional critic.
  7. Well, thank you for that germ of wisdom. I’m sure it will come in handy.
  8. Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were the only person on the planet who really matters.
  9. Wow, your rudeness is truly impressive. I’m sure it takes a lot of effort to be such a complete jerk.
  10. Thanks for your advice. It’s always nice to have an opinion from someone who thinks they’re an expert.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (11-20):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to an encyclopaedia.
  2. That’s a great point. And here’s me thinking you were just stupid.
  3. I’m sorry if I dared to have an opinion of my own. I’ll make sure to only speak when spoken to next time.
  4. I can only apologize for not being a mind reader. I’ll be sure to work on my telepathy skills before we meet again.
  5. Thank you for your valuable feedback. I’ll be sure to take it into consideration as I strive to be an even worse person.
  6. Your kind words are truly appreciated. I’ll be sure to add them to the list of reasons why I never want to interact with you again.
  7. Clearly, I should have recognised that you were in a bad mood before you took it out on me. I’ll be sure to avoid you next time.
  8. Well, I apologize if my presence offends you. I’ll be sure to stay out of your sight next time, so as not to disrupt your perfect world.
  9. Thank you for your generous gift of insults and disrespect. I’ll treasure it always and strive to be a more worthy recipient of your abuse.
  10. Oh, thank you for reminding me of my place. I’ll be sure to remember that people in jobs like mine are unworthy of kindness and respect.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (21-31):

  1. Who died and made you the boss?
  2. Goodness, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a mind reader.
  3. If only I’d known you were such an authority on this subject.
  4. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize being rude was part of the conversation.
  5. Now, that’s an interesting perspective. I’m sure it will help me grow.
  6. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you ruled the universe and were entitled to treat others like dirt.
  7. Clearly, my mere existence is an inconvenience to you. I’ll try to be more obsequious next time we meet.
  8. I can only apologize for not meeting your high standards of perfection. I’ll try harder to be more like you in the future.
  9. Excuse me if I didn’t live up to your expectations. I’ll try to be more incompetent next time to suit your needs better.
  10. I’m sorry for not being telepathic and knowing exactly what you wanted without you having to communicate it. I’ll try to do better next time.
  11. Forgive me! I didn’t realize you were such an authority on everything. Do continue to enlighten me with your vast knowledge and excellent manners.
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Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile, please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Other articles that might appeal to you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Sarcasm Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , ,

75 hilarious quotes you’ll just love

05/09/2025 by

If hilarious quotes are what you’re seeking today, dear reader, then I have curated 75 excellent ones for you.

Some are by authors unknown, and some are by famous people. However, they’re all witty and fun.

So, buckle up and see how many of these you can relate to. Either way, enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them with your friends.

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Hilarious Quotes (1 – 25):

I’m not weird; I’m a limited edition. ~Author Unknown

I can resist everything except temptation. ~Oscar Wilde

My superpower is overthinking everything. ~Author Unknown

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. ~Steve Martin

My superpower is my ability to trip over thin air. ~Author Unknown

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. ~Author Unknown

My hobbies are mostly breakfast, lunch, and dinner. ~Author Unknown

I’m not trying to be difficult; it comes naturally. ~Author Unknown

The only thing I consistently enjoy is avoiding work. ~Author Unknown

I’m not stubborn. I’m just convinced I’m always right. ~Author Unknown

My exercise routine? Does walking to the fridge count? ~Author Unknown

I’m not rude; I’m just honest with a side of sarcasm. ~Author Unknown

My goal at work? Survive until it’s time to go home. ~Author Unknown

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? ~Steven Wright

My superpower is making food disappear. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. ~Author Unknown

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button. ~Jack Handey

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~ Erma Bombeck

If a book about failure doesn’t sell, is it a success? ~Jerry Seinfeld

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited. ~Sacha Guitry

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it. ~Groucho Marx

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. ~Author Unknown

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. ~Al McGuire

They said, Follow your heart. I did, and it led me to the fridge. ~Author Unknown

I’m not single. I’m in a committed relationship with freedom and fun. ~Author Unknown

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Hilarious Quotes (26 – 50):

I’m not lost. I’ve just been taking the scenic route for the past three hours. ~Author Unknown

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain

The trouble with being in a rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. ~Lily Tomlin

I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. ~Author Unknown

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese. And wouldn’t you rather have cheese? ~Author Unknown

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office. ~Robert Frost  

My therapist told me the way to achieve inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a large pizza. I feel great. ~Author Unknown

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but has anyone ever seen me and Batman in the same room together? ~Author Unknown

I’m not a control freak. It’s just better if we do things my way. ~Author Unknown

I’m not arguing. I’m just trying to explain why I’m right. ~Author Unknown

I used to jog, but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. ~David Lee Roth

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. ~Charles Wadsworth   ???

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ~Charles Lamb

I’m not a procrastinator. I’m just extremely thorough about my do-it-later list. ~Author Unknown

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields

I’m not saying I was addicted to social media, but I miss my imaginary friends. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a morning person, or a noon person, or a night person. I’m just a tired person. ~Author Unknown

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. ~Earl Wilson

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. ~Catherine the Great

I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a quitter. It’s just that I can never see the point in carrying on. ~Author Unknown

I’m not crazy; my reality is just different from yours. ~Author Unknown

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ~George Carlin

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Hilarious Quotes (51 – 75):

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles M. Schulz

I’m not a know-it-all, but I could give Google a run for its money. ~Author Unknown

The difference between a politician and a catfish is that a catfish is good for something. ~Will Rogers

I’m not ignoring you; I’m just very good at pretending you’re not there. ~Author Unknown

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~Mark Twain

My mind works like lightning; one brilliant flash and then it’s gone. ~Author Unknown

The problem with reality is the lack of background music. ~Author Unknown

The early worm gets eaten by the early bird. So, sleep in. ~Author Unknown

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. ~Author Unknown

For me, a balanced diet would be a blueberry muffin in each hand. ~Author Unknown

I’m not procrastinating; I’m just highly motivated to do nothing. ~Author Unknown

Life is what happens while you are busy scrolling through social media. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a bad influence. I just thought you might enjoy taking a walk on the wild side. ~Author Unknown

I’m not an expert on anything, but that doesn’t stop me from posting my opinion on every subject, however complicated. ~Author Unknown

I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk. ~Author Unknown

I may not be a superhero, but I can assemble IKEA furniture, eventually. ~Author Unknown

My diet plan: make healthy choices, then reward myself with cake. ~Author Unknown

If the early bird gets the worm, he’s welcome to it. I’m not getting out of bed just for a worm. ~Author Unknown

Just because it’s dismissed as a conspiracy theory doesn’t mean it’s untrue. ~Author Unknown

I’m not a hoarder; I’m just a collector of things I might need someday. ~Author Unknown

Between two evils, I always pick the one I’ve never tried before. ~Mae West

Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room. ~Dr. Strangelove

You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police. ~Joan Rivers

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. ~Graham Norton

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll be a philosopher. ~Socrates

Please share these hilarious quotes:

If you enjoyed these hilarious quotes, please share this post on social media with your friends.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now.

If you can do that for me, I’ll be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

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6 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

05/07/2025 by
6 short story jokes

Here are six short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. They made me howl with laughter, so I hope they’ll brighten your day too. Enjoy them all.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. The Deaf Debt Collector:

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses subject to their protection racket.

As they were feeling the heat from the Police, they decided to use someone deaf for the job. If someone deaf gets caught, they figured he wouldn’t be able to communicate easily with the Police.

In his first week on the job, the deaf debt collector picks up over $50,000. That’s a lot of money, he thinks, and the deaf debt collector’s greed gets the better of him. He decides to keep the money, and he stashes it in a safe place.

However, it’s not long before the Mafia realises that the collection is late and they send out a couple of heavies to look for the deaf debt collector.

They soon find him and ask the deaf debt collector what he’s done with the money. The problem is that the deaf debt collector can’t communicate with them either, so the Mafia heavies drag him off to an interpreter.

They get to a sign language interpreter and the leading Mafioso then says, “I want ya to ask him where da money is.“

So the interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?“

The deaf debt collector tries to bluff his way out of his dilemma by saying, “I don’t know what they’re talking about.“

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He’s saying he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.“

The Mafioso reaches into his coat and pulls out a .44 Remington Magnum handgun, which he points at the forehead of the deaf debt collector, and with real menace in his voice, he says to the interpreter, “Ask him where da money is, and tell him I won’t be askin’ again.“

So the interpreter immediately signs, “Where’s the money? He says he won’t ask again, and I think he’s serious.“

At this point, the deaf debt collector’s nerve goes, and he signs, “The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left by the gate near 72nd Street on Central Park West, and close to Strawberry Fields.“

Getting impatient, the Mafioso looks at the interpreter and asks, “What did he say?”

The interpreter looks at the Mafioso and says, “He says he still doesn’t know what you’re talking about, he thinks you’re an idiot, and he doesn’t think you’ve got the balls to pull the trigger!“

2. The Balloonist and the Programmer:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon, and soon realizes he’s completely lost.

So he starts reducing height, and suddenly spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon a little further and then shouts: “Excuse me, sir, I was wondering, can you tell me where I am? I seem to be lost.“

Taken by surprise, the man looks up and replies, “Yeah, that’s easy. You’re in a hot air balloon, hovering about 25 feet above this field.“

“You must work in IT. I’m guessing you work as a programmer?” says the balloonist.

“I do and yes, I am,” replies the man, looking a little surprised, “How did you guess?“

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you’ve told me is technically correct, but it’s of no actual use to anyone.“

The programmer smiles and then says, “Ah, you must be the CEO of a business.“

“Yes, I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how could you know that?“

“That’s easy,” says the programmer. “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.“

3. The Tiger, the Man, and God:

A man is being chased by a tiger.

He’s running as hard as he can, and eventually, he gets to the edge of a cliff with the tiger still in hot pursuit.

The man looks over the edge of the cliff and sees a branch growing out of the side of the cliff just a few feet down.

Having no other option, the man jumps down and grabs the branch just before the tiger arrives at the cliff edge.

The tiger is growling viciously and pacing backwards and forwards along the cliff edge. The man sighs with relief, as he thinks he’s outsmarted the tiger.

At that moment, a little mouse appears from a crevice in the rock, and it begins to chew on the branch.

The man looks down at what is a drop of hundreds of feet. If he falls, it will surely result in his death. So he looks to the heavens and yelled out, “Dear God, if you are there, please help. I will do anything you ask, but please help.“

“You say you will do anything I ask?” Without it being questioned?” a voice booms from heaven above.

The man is surprised to get an immediate reply to his plea, but he yells back, “I will gladly do anything you ask, but please save me.“

“There’s one way to save you, but it will take courage and faith,” says the voice from above.

The man can feel the branch begin to weaken as the mouse continues to gnaw at it, and he can see the tiger still pacing around, growling at the cliff’s edge a few feet above him.

“Please, Lord, tell me what I must do, and I will do it. Your will is my command,” shouts the man in despair.

“All right then, let go of the branch,” the voice from heaven responds.

The man looks down to a fall of hundreds of feet and certain death. He looks up at the hungry tiger a few feet above him, and then he looks at the mouse still chewing on the branch.

He then looks up at the heavens again and yells, “Is there no one else up there I can speak to?“

SHORT STORY JOKES

4. The Mercedes Dealership:

An elderly man returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car he was interested in to a beautiful, busty blonde.

“I thought you said you would hold that car for me until I raised the $75.000 asking price,” said the old man. “And now I’m told you just closed a deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady over there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model.“

“Well, sir, what can I tell you?” replied the salesman, grinning. “She had the cash in her hand, and just look at her, she’s stunningly beautiful. How could I resist?“.

At this point, the young lady approached the old man and handed him the keys to the car.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get this joker to drop his asking price. See you later, Grandpa.”

Moral of the story: Never mess with old people!

5. The Genie:

A customer service agent, an administration clerk, and their manager are all walking to lunch when they stumble upon an old, antique oil lamp.

Knowing that an old oil lamp can often house a genie, they enthusiastically rub it in hopeful anticipation.

Sure enough, out pops a genie.

“I am the genie of the lamp, and you can each have one wish,” says the genie.

“Me first! Me first!” says the customer service agent. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the customer service agent’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

There’s a poof sound followed by a cloud of smoke, and the administration clerk’s gone

The genie then looks at the manager and says, “OK, Boss, I guess it’s your turn now.”

“I want those two back in the office in exactly 45 minutes,” the manager responds.

Moral of the story: It’s always a good idea to let your boss go first.

6. The Mexican Maid:

A Mexican maid asks for a pay rise from the lady of the house.

The wife is not happy about this, so she decides to talk to the maid about her request for more money.

“Now, Maria, why do you want more money?” she asks.

“Well, Señora, there are three reasons why I wanna increase,” replies the maid. “The first eez that I iron better than you.“

“Maria, who said you iron better than me?” responds the wife.

“Jor huzban he say so Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?” says the wife. “And what is your second reason?”

“The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you,” Maria responds.

“That’s nonsense. Who said you’re a better cook than me?” asks the wife.

“Jor hozban deed Señora,” Maria replies.

“Oh, he did, did he?”  the wife responds, getting increasingly agitated.

“The third reason eez that I ama better than you in da bed,” says Maria.

The lady of the house is now angry and, through gritted teeth, she asks, “And did my husband say that too?“

“No Señora, the gardener deed,” Maria replies.

“OK, how much is it you want?” asks her employer.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these short story jokes, dear reader, please share this post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

And if you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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