30 clever one-liners that are sharp and witty

CLEVER ONE-LINERSHere are 30 clever one-liners you’ll just love. They’re all sharp and witty and guaranteed to amuse you. Take a minute to enjoy them all.

And don’t forget to pass them on too.

Clever one-liners (1-15):

  1. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  2. I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  3. Life is just a sexually transmitted disease.
  4. I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  5. Only our parents’ children are always right.
  6. It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  7. No, I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.
  8. If you see a toilet in your dream, do not use it.
  9. It’s only funny when it’s not happening to you.
  10. Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
  11. How could I miss you when you won’t go away?
  12. Nothing is truly lost until your mom can’t find it.
  13. What happens if I get scared half to death twice?
  14. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
  15. How come creditors always have better memories than debtors?

Clever one-liners (16-30):

  1. I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
  2. A lottery is just a tax on people who don’t understand math.
  3. Life would be so much better if we could mute some people.
  4. When I need an expert’s advice, I stand in front of the mirror.
  5. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Some only gargle.
  6. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
  7. Some people lose their tempers just from seeing you keep yours.
  8. Did the first person to hear a parrot speak need therapy afterwards?
  9. There is a solution for when your hair starts falling out. Put it in a box.
  10. Don’t you get tired of having to look after your parents’ grandchildren?
  11. Drinking coffee before you start work helps your co-workers live longer.
  12. Don’t you just hate how spiders sit there on your wall and act like they pay rent?
  13. I’m not looking for a stable relationship, I’ll settle for a stable internet connection.
  14. If a man speaks in a forest and there are no women there to hear him, is he still wrong?
  15. People always say they don’t believe in ghosts until they hear a strange noise in the middle of the night.

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