Roy Sutton, Author at Roy Sutton

15 Quotes by Socrates that will inspire you

04/11/2021 by Roy Sutton

When you think about it, we can’t be sure that Socrates actually existed because he was apparently born around 399 BC. That’s a long time before real records began.

However, Socrates is regarded as a classical Greek philosopher and he was considered to be the first moral philosopher. In fact, he’s been credited as being one of the founders of Western philosophy.

History suggests that he didn’t write anything during his own lifetime and his philosophy, therefore, is known primarily through the written accounts of other classical scholars.

So it really is hard to know whether any of the quotes credited to him were actually spoken by him.

Nevertheless, the philosophy credited to him is worthy of our consideration and further reflection. So here are 15 Quotes by Socrates that will make you think I am sure.

Quotes by Socrates:

Be as you wish to seem. ~Socrates
Wisdom begins in wonder. ~Socrates
It is not living that matters but living rightly. ~Socrates
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. ~Socrates
From the deepest desires often become the deadliest hate. ~Socrates
Marry, by all means. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
Beware the barrenness of a busy life. ~Socrates
Worthless people live only to eat and drink. People of worth eat and drink only to live. ~Socrates
Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. ~Socrates
True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us. ~Socrates
The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear. ~Socrates
I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live. ~Socrates
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart. ~Socrates
Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. ~Socrates
Death may be the greatest of all human blessings. ~Socrates

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10 truly inspirational quotes that’ll make you think

04/10/2021 by Roy Sutton

Truly Inspirational Quotes:

Clutter in our lives weighs us down emotionally. Have a good clear-out occasionally, you will feel liberated and it will give you the confidence to move on. ~Roy Sutton
The measure of a man’s character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out. ~Baron Thomas Babington Macauley
Every man has three characters: that which he shows; that which he has; and that which he thinks he has. ~Alphonse Karr
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
If we want our children to possess the traits of character we most admire, we need to teach them what those traits are and why they deserve both admiration and allegiance. Children must learn to identify the forms and content of those traits. ~William J. Bennett
Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression. ~Haim Ginott
A truly loving parent won’t be looking for payback from a child. The child’s happiness, self-confidence and independence are the only rewards for good parenting. ~Roy Sutton
Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree. ~Marian Wright Edelman
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis
My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success. ~ Helen Hayes Brown

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11 wise sayings about life lessons and what they mean

04/09/2021 by Roy Sutton

Today dear reader, I offer you 11 wise sayings about life lessons and some observations about what I think they really mean for your life.

I hope you find this interesting.

Wise sayings about life lessons:

1. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ~English Proverb

If you visit a foreign country, with a different culture to that found in your own, then the best way to get along with local people is to respect their culture and their way of doing things.

Essentially it’s all about respecting and adhering to their way of life, as far as reasonably possible.

Respect people and they’ll appreciate it.

Learn a little bit of their language and you’ll really connect with them. They won’t mind if you don’t get all the words and pronunciation completely correct. It’ll probably make them smile a little and they’ll really appreciate you making the effort.

Treat people with respect and they’ll treat you with respect. It’s that simple.

2. Be contrary and be known. ~Arab Proverb

If you want to get yourself noticed then a ‘me too’ approach to life is unlikely to get you very far. When you’re just like everyone else then how can you stand out in the crowd?

If you really want to get noticed then you need to offer something a bit different, surely?

To stand out in the crowd then you’ll need to dress differently, have an unusual hairstyle or offer something new.

Go against the accepted thinking of the day and you’ll get noticed.

Suggest something which goes against the received wisdom of the day and people might just listen if you back up your observation with a reasoned argument.

Be different, be contrary and you’ll get noticed.

Back it up with real substance and you will make a permanent impression on public consciousness.

Elvis Presley was like nothing that went before him; neither were The Beatles.

These were people who had a look, style and approach all of their own. They made a genuine impact and they changed peoples’ outlook on life permanently.

In other words, they made their mark and you can too.

3. A beautiful thing is never perfect. ~Egyptian Proverb

There’s no such thing as perfect; certainly not when we are talking about people.

We’re all imperfect in some way.

However, that’s what makes us interesting as individuals. And it’s also what makes it easier for other people to live with us because no matter how good we are in some way, there are also ways in which we are not quite so good.

So accept your imperfections. Work to your strengths and minimise your weaknesses and do the best you can with whatever you have at your disposal. If you do that you can succeed.

4. There’s no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out. ~Russian Proverb

How often do people refrain from asking a question for fear that they might look a little stupid? Does that ring a bell with you dear reader?

We’ve probably all done it at some point in our lives, wouldn’t you agree?

However, it’s rather silly if you think about it.

None of us can know everything, can we? There will always be gaps in our knowledge, that’s for sure.

So if you don’t know something, surely it’s better to find out? Better to ask a question, even if you appear foolish momentarily.

People might laugh but so what?

Intelligent people ask questions and it’s better to look a fool momentarily than proceed in ignorance. You may look a fool for not knowing but you’ll look an even bigger fool if you screw up because you didn’t ask.

Never, ever be afraid to ask a question if you don’t know.

That way you’ll learn. Any other way and you’ll never learn.

5. Experience is not always the kindest of teachers but it’s surely the best. ~Spanish Proverb

Education is a wonderful thing, I’m sure you’ll agree.

However, the best teacher by a country mile is the School of Hard Knocks at the University of Life.

Making mistakes and getting your fingers burned teaches you lessons you’ll never forget. And those lessons are invaluable.

That’s what they call experience and experience is a valuable commodity indeed.

Experience is the basis of all wisdom.

It’s also an essential element in finding out what you’re good at and what you enjoy.

And if you can find that sweet spot where what you’re good at coincides with what you enjoy doing then you really will begin to shine. So shine on my friend.

6. Having two ears and one tongue, we should listen twice as much as we speak. ~Turkish Proverb

How often are we so keen to get our point across that we don’t really listen to what the other person has to say? That’s a mistake.

Listening is one of the most important skills you can develop.

To quote Stephen R. Covey, “Seek first to understand and then to be understood.”

In order to understand someone else’s point, you must listen first.

Listening is not the same as hearing.

Hearing is simply being aware of sounds going on around you.

Listening is absorbing what is being said and considering it carefully.

Listening requires both your ears and your brain to be engaged in the process simultaneously.

Naturally, you want to feel that your point of view matters.

If you listen to people first not only will they appreciate it but they’ll also start listening to you. If you’re showing them respect then they’ll do the same to you.

By listening to each other we can begin to understand each other.

And if we understand each other we have the basis for getting along together.

So listen more and talk less.

In this way, the world might just become a better place. Let’s hope so anyway.

7. Better to die than to live on with a bad reputation. ~Vietnamese Proverb

Some time ago, a friend of mine was working for a retailer and foolishly did something dishonest. The result was that he lost his job and damaged his reputation in the process.

Only when he began to realise how much damage he’d done to his reputation did he begin to realise how foolish he’d been.

Damaging your reputation can have serious consequences and you can often feel the impact of that for many years after the original indiscretion.

So, protect and value your reputation.

It’s one of the most important commodities you have to offer.

Whether you’re in employment or self-employed you’ll always be judged on your reputation. Gain a bad reputation and you’ll be judged harshly.

8. A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. ~Greek Proverb

Your legacy in life will be based on what you’ve done for other people, regardless of whether you’ve benefitted from it yourself.

That’s how you’ll be remembered.

A civilised society depends on each of us making a contribution towards the greater good. We cannot just leave it all to someone else.

If you want your grandchildren and their children to enjoy a well-ordered and civilised society then you must be prepared to do something the result of which you may never see. The payoff for you will simply be the knowledge that future generations will benefit from your altruism.

Leaving something that enriches the lives of future generations would be a real and genuine legacy, wouldn’t you agree?

9. God gives the nuts but he doesn’t crack them. ~German proverb

You can’t expect everything to be done for you.

At some point, you have to do something for yourself.

If everything is done for you, you’ll never learn; you’ll never develop new skills, and you’ll never be able to deal with life.

So don’t try to avoid the chore, embrace it with enthusiasm and recognise that it’s in your own best interests to act.

10. A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~Chinese Proverb

Criticism can be uncomfortable, so it’s easy to be swayed by the majority view. However, how can we be sure that the majority view is correct? Perhaps they’re all wrong.

Just because a lot of people think something is so, it doesn’t mean that they have a monopoly on knowledge and common sense.

Rather than simply following the herd, it’s much better to consider a situation carefully, weighing up the various possibilities, and then forming your own opinion or making your own decision.

Think for yourself; don’t allow the herd to impose their thinking on you.

11. Every ass loves to hear himself bray. ~Proverb of Unknown Origin

As the old saying goes, empty vessels make the most sound.

However just because someone can talk a good game doesn’t mean they can play a good game.

People who are really good at something will demonstrate it by their actions not by their words. They’ll leave the talking to other people.

You’ll never impress anyone by singing your own praises.

However, you’ll win them over if you can demonstrate how good you are by the results you deliver.

So go on, start showing people what you can do.

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37 funny comebacks for dealing with rude people

04/08/2021 by Roy Sutton

The art of funny comebacks is one well worth developing.

We all have to deal with rude comments and mean, spiteful people occasionally. That’s all part of human existence.

However how often do you wish you had a suitable response ready to go to put such people firmly in their place?

If only you had a stock of funny comebacks to choose from when situations dictate?

Well here are 37 funny comebacks that you might find useful when you’re faced with dealing with rude, mean or difficult people. How many of these can you work into your day, today?

If there are any of these funny comebacks that you particularly like then please share this post with your friends but not before you’ve enjoyed them all first.

Remember: When you share, everyone wins.

Funny Comebacks:

You know you really should buy some breath mints?
I have better things to do than listen to you.
Whoever told you to be yourself has given you bad advice.
I don’t care what everyone else says, I don’t think you’re that bad.
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
I believed in evolution until I met you.
Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you?
I accept I’m not perfect but at least I’m not you.
If ignorance is bliss, then you must be the happiest person on the planet.
You always bring me so much joy, the minute you leave the room.
I don’t need a proctologist to tell me you’re an asshole.
I’m not a cactus expert but I do know a prick when I see one.
I would explain it to you but I have neither the time nor the crayons!
Sorry buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart.
If only your dad had used a condom, the world would be a better place.
You have your entire life to be a jerk. Take a day off and give the rest of us a break.
Everyone said you were unpleasant but I didn’t believe them ……. until now.
Sorry but you’re confusing me with someone who actually cares about what you think.
Are you always such an idiot or do you just like to show off when I’m around?
I understand what you’re saying but if I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while but you’re abusing the privilege.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Well, me neither.
No wonder everyone talks about you behind your back.
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.
Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
I don’t remember asking for your opinion.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I can see you’ve already got one.
I’m busy, you’re ugly. Have a nice day.
Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale?
I hope you step on a Lego in your bare feet.
You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
Of course, I talk like an idiot. How else would you be able to understand me?
You can keep rolling your eyes if you must but you’re unlikely to find a brain back there.
I don’t know what your problem is but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
You sir are a human version of period cramps.

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37 Clever one-liners guaranteed to get your friends laughing

04/07/2021 by Roy Sutton

You may not be a stand-up comedian dear reader but, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you like to have a few clever one-liners up your sleeve ready to amuse your friends.

It’s always useful to have a few good one-liner jokes in your back pocket, wouldn’t you agree?

Certainly, a funny joke never fails to break the ice in social situations. That’s why I collect them in my journal.

And I was asked recently would I go through my collection and share a few more with readers. So today I’ve done that just for you.

Next time you’re at a loss for words, then try out one or two of these clever one-liners and watch how your popularity grows.

Enjoy them all and then share them with your friends.

Clever one-liners:

I doubt, therefore I might be.
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
I want patience – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
Today’s a day for firm decisions! Or is it?
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.
What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.
I used to have a handle on life but then it broke.
Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!
If talk is cheap, why is hiring a lawyer so expensive?
I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
My math teacher called me average. Which I think is mean.
The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it is on my list.
Every organisation will get results consistent with its design.
Red meat’s not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat’s bad for you.
I used to have an hourglass figure but then the sand shifted.
If at first you don’t succeed, you can always redefine success.
Why do bees hum? Because they can’t remember the lyrics.
If everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
Listen, girl, you know what this dress is made of? Boyfriend material.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
A giant fly attacked the police station. They had to call a SWAT team.
If you’ve got a clear conscience, you’ve probably got a bad memory too.
There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t
If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
Living on Earth may be expensive but it does include a free trip around the sun.
They say money can’t buy happiness but it’s just bought me this Happy Meal.
Drive with excessive speed and you won’t need to worry about your cholesterol.
Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I reminded him that he said he didn’t hire stupid people.
Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use two people remembering the same thing.
The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is no one runs in your family.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. Trouble is, they’re usually married to each other.
What’s the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins ‘Once upon a time…’ A southern fairy tale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’

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And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

21 witty one-liners so good you’ll laugh out loud

04/06/2021 by Roy Sutton

Now, do you fancy a bit of a laugh? A few witty one-liners, maybe?

Would you really like something to make you smile?

You’d love to have a laugh or two but you don’t have the time to enjoy anything for too long, right?

Well, fear not. It’s important you make at least a little time for a laugh. It will make you feel so much better.

Today I offer you 21 witty one-liners that are guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile and I’m confident that some of them will brighten your day too.

If you enjoy humor that’s concise and razor-sharp then this collection of witty one-liners is just for you dear reader.

So go on, take a minute or two and have a good laugh right now. Enjoy them all.

Witty One-Liners:

I think the worst thing about driving a time machine will be your kids in the back always moaning ‘Are we then yet?‘ ~Paul F Taylor
If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.” ~Ian Smith
Crime in multi-storey car parks? That’s wrong on so many different levels. ~Tim Vine
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank. We couldn’t afford a dog. ~Gary Delaney
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting! ~Stewart Francis
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa. ~Rob Auton
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. ~Nick Helm
I’m not a very muscular man; the strongest thing about me is my password. ~Rory O’Keeffe
Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy? I hear you ask. ~Jordan Brookes
One thing you’ll never hear a Hindu say, Ah well, you only live once. ~Hardeep Singh Kohli
My Dad told me to invest my money in bonds. So I bought 100 copies of Goldfinger. ~Nick Hall
If you arrive fashionably late in Crocs, you’re just late. ~Joel Dommett
People say I’ve got no willpower but I’ve quit smoking loads of times. ~Kai Humphries
My friend got a personal trainer a year before his wedding. I thought: Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be? ~Paul McCaffrey
It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road. ~Olaf Falafel
I was watching the London Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: This could be interesting. ~Paddy Lennox
Whenever I see a man with a beard, moustache and glasses, I think, There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him. ~Carey Marx
What’s a couple?’ I asked my mum. She said, Two or three. Which probably explains why her marriage collapsed ~Josie Long
I think the bravest thing I’ve ever done is misjudge how much shopping I want to buy and still not go back to get a basket. ~Stuart Laws
Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara. ~Olaf Falafel
Hedgehogs – why can’t they just share the hedge? ~Dan Antolpolski

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25 funny quotes about life guaranteed to make you smile

04/05/2021 by Roy Sutton

Today I’m in a philosophical mood, so I thought I’d explore some funny quotes about life. This batch all made me smile and they’re guaranteed to make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny quotes about life:

A wise man once said nothing.
Life’s like ice cream. You must enjoy it before it melts.
Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.
Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
I made a large ‘to list’ for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it all.
Borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is.
You need three bones to succeed in life. A backbone, a wishbone, and a funny bone.
Life’s hard but it’s even harder if you’re stupid.
Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.
Life can be summed up in three words. It goes on.
Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
Life can be a handful. That’s why you’ve got two hands.
Revenge sounds so mean. Better just to think of it as returning the favor.
Life was easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
There are three things a woman needs in life. Food, water, and compliments.
Life’s short. Smile while you still have teeth.
You may call them swear words but to me they’re just sentence enhancers.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never seem to use it.
They say you attract what you fear. Well $10 million scares the life out of me.
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
You never know how much you’ve got in life, until you decide to de-clutter your house.
Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
Dear life, when I said, “Can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. When I hear a strange noise in the middle of the night I’m more open-minded.

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So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

21 Clever One-Liners Guaranteed to Make You Smile

04/04/2021 by Roy Sutton

I love funny and clever one-liners and over time I collect them in a journal. And when I’ve got enough I like to share them with readers. Anything that makes readers smile always results in a great reaction.

So today I offer you my latest collection, which I think are all very clever one-liners.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to identify the original authors, so I must classify them all as Author Unknown.

However, I’d be happy to add acknowledgements to each individual quote where readers are able to enlighten me accordingly.

So if you know who wrote them originally then please do let me know.

I’m sharing these clever one-liners with you because I am confident they’ll make you smile dear reader.

Certainly, they all made me smile, so I do hope you enjoy them too.

Clever One-liners:

Education is important but other stuff is more importanter.
Arguing with your wife is unwise. Even if you win you lose.
I can keep secrets, of course. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
You can’t make me do what you want me to do, you’re not my cat.
Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.
If you take away looks, money, intelligence, charm and success, there’s no difference between me and George Clooney.
I really hate it when people ask for likes on social media. Like if you agree!
You know you’re fat when you step on a ‘speak your weight’ scale and it says “one at a time please”.
When I was at school 52% of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other 38%.
My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 siblings but they didn’t know either.
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
I got called pretty yesterday and it felt really good. Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying” but I like to focus on the positive.
You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t return then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.

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So did these clever one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

15 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

04/03/2021 by Roy Sutton

Here is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching for the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoyed these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So pass them on, but not before you’ve enjoyed them yourself.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:

Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears
Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
I used to work as an origami teacher but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with birdseed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van it’s called a shipment?
Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered, “Call for backup.”
I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.”
Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.

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21 funny computer nerd jokes that will tickle you

04/02/2021 by Roy Sutton

Do you love computer nerd jokes? Certainly, they always make me smile.

So I’ve been searching for some of the best computer nerd jokes I can find and today I offer you 21 of what I think are the best.

It’s virtually impossible to confirm their origins or their authors, but should anyone be able to advise then please do let me know.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy these 21 computer nerd jokes that will tickle you and any kids you may have too.

Computer nerd jokes:

What do you call 8 hobbits?
A hobbyte

What’s a computer virus?
A terminal illness

Which tea do web developers prefer?
URL Grey

How does a tree use a computer?
It logs on

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte to eat

Why did the computer keep sneezing?
It had a virus

Why was the computer cold?
It left its Windows open

Why did the developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache

Which computer sings the best?
A Dell

Why did the computer show up late for work?
It had a hard drive

What’s the first symptom a computer’s getting old?
Memory problems

What did the spider do when he went on his computer?
Built a website

Which snack do computer geeks prefer?
Microchips

Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse

Why did the monkeys share an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates

Don’t use “beef stew” as your computer password
It’s not stroganoff

What do you get if you cross a worm with a spider?
A web crawler

What do you get if you cross a PC with an elephant?
A computer with a really big memory

What do you get if you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
A screensaver

I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com
Took me ages to find it

Why didn’t The Terminator upgrade to WINDOWS 10?
I asked him and his reply was, “I still love VISTA baby!”

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Wise sayings about life lessons:

1. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ~English Proverb

2. Be contrary and be known. ~Arab Proverb

3. A beautiful thing is never perfect. ~Egyptian Proverb

4. There’s no shame in not knowing; the shame lies in not finding out. ~Russian Proverb

5. Experience is not always the kindest of teachers but it’s surely the best. ~Spanish Proverb

6. Having two ears and one tongue, we should listen twice as much as we speak. ~Turkish Proverb

7. Better to die than to live on with a bad reputation. ~Vietnamese Proverb

8. A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in. ~Greek Proverb

9. God gives the nuts but he doesn’t crack them. ~German proverb

10. A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion. ~Chinese Proverb

11. Every ass loves to hear himself bray. ~Proverb of Unknown Origin

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