10 amusing quotes that will crack you up


Best QuotesIf you have a passion for offbeat quotes then here are 10 of the best quotes you’ll read.

Unfortunately they’re all by authors unknown, so I haven’t been able to add credits. However it would be a genuine pleasure to include credits if readers can shed y anlight on their origin.

Add a comment if you can help. In the meantime, enjoy today’s best quotes:-

The best quotes ever:

  1. A woman’s dream is not to find the perfect mate. A woman’s dream is to eat without putting on weight.
  2. What’s your best non-swearing insult? “I hope you step on a Lego!”
  3. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
  4. For the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.
  5. Laughing is one of the best exercises; it’s like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it’s even better with a friend.
  6. The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
  7. Sometimes the best part of my job is that my chair swivels.
  8. I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke but the best ones argon.
  9. Kids, I don’t know if our ceiling is the best ceiling but it’s definitely up there.
  10. The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.

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5 wise quotes to make you think

  1. Wise QuotesOther people may not like what you choose to do but as long as you’re not hurting anyone else then it is your business and yours alone. You weren’t put on this earth just to please other people. ~Roy Sutton
  2. Too many people think only of their own profit. But business opportunity seldom knocks on the door of self-centred people. No customer ever goes to a store merely to please the storekeeper. ~Kazuo Inamori
  3. The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it. ~Theodore Roosevelt
  4. If you look around at successful people, the movers and shakers are those who are positive, who won’t take no for an answer, and who make things happen – either for themselves or for others. ~Carole Spiers
  5. Some people will stick with the same old style because they lack confidence. They simply don’t have the confidence to try wearing something different. Don’t be afraid to update your image occasionally. We all have to move with the times. ~Roy Sutton

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10 inspiring quotes from inspiring people

  1. Inspiring QuotesTreat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. ~Goethe
  2. Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten. ~Michael Josephson
  3. The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. ~Albert Einstein
  4. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
  5. Procrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases and its toll on success and happiness is heavy. ~Wayne Gretzky
  6. When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~John Lennon
  7. Don’t lose hope. You never know what tomorrow will bring. ~Michael Josephson
  8. Emotions will either serve or master, depending on who is in charge. ~Jim Rohn
  9. Often times the brightest rainbows follow the darkest rainstorms. ~Michael Josephson
  10. When you compete with someone as good or better than you, you may not always win, but you never lose. ~Michael Josephson

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10 truly inspirational quotes that’ll make you think

  1. Truly Inspirational QuotesClutter in our lives weighs us down emotionally. Have a good clear-out occasionally, you will feel liberated and it will give you the confidence to move on. ~Roy Sutton
  2. The measure of a man’s character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out. ~Baron Thomas Babington Macauley
  3. Every man has three characters: that which he shows; that which he has; and that which he thinks he has. ~Alphonse Karr
  4. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
  5. If we want our children to possess the traits of character we most admire, we need to teach them what those traits are and why they deserve both admiration and allegiance. Children must learn to identify the forms and content of those traits. ~William J. Bennett
  6. Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression. ~Haim Ginott
  7. A truly loving parent won’t be looking for payback from a child. The child’s happiness, self-confidence and independence are the only rewards for good parenting. ~Roy Sutton
  8. Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree. ~Marian Wright Edelman
  9. The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You realise that you control your own destiny. ~Albert Ellis
  10. My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others, and that’s nice too, but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success. ~ Helen Hayes Brown

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21 thought-provoking quotes that will inspire you

Quotes that will inspire youQuotes that will inspire you:

  1. Stop underestimating yourself. ~Michael Josephson
  2. Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
  3. The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Agatha Christie
  4. Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. ~Mark Twain
  5. You are what you think about all day long. ~Dr Robert Schuller
  6. Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford
  7. It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. ~E.E. Cummings
  8. Do not let what you cannot do; interfere with what you can do. ~John Wooden
  9. The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. ~Steve Jobs
  10. The biggest mistake people make in life is not trying to make a living at doing what they most enjoy. ~Malcolm Forbes
  11. The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. ~Rod Steiger
  12. That’s precisely the question everyone should be asking—why the hell not? Why not you, why not now? ~Timothy Ferriss
  13. Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. ~Conrad Hilton
  14. The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavour. ~Vince Lombardi
  15. Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome. ~Samuel Johnson
  16. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. ~Dale Carnegie
  17. You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. ~Christopher Columbus
  18. Use what talents you possess. The woods will be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best. ~Henry Van Dyke
  19. Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. ~Howard Thurman
  20. Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier. ~Mother Teresa
  21. One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon, instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. ~Dale Carnegie

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21 people quotes from the people about the people

People QuotesWe can learn so much from other people.

People can be our role models. They can also be a warning to us. They can make us laugh and they can make us cry. They can drive us nuts occasionally too.

However we might feel about people though, we cannot live without them because we’re social animals. We’re not solitary animals like cats.

So here are 21 people quotes that offer different views on how other people see the world.

I think that there are some great quotes here so take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

People Quotes:

  1. Don’t worry about what people say or what they think. Be yourself. ~Brett Hull
  2. I like people that enjoy life, ’cause I do the same. ~Lil Wayne
  3. I don’t want other people to decide who I am. I want to decide that for myself. ~Emma Watson
  4. People may hear your words but they feel your attitude. ~John C. Maxwell
  5. No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. ~Robin Williams
  6. Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen. ~Wayne Huizenga
  7. People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy. ~Anton Chekhov
  8. I follow three rules: Do the right thing, do the best you can, and always show people you care. ~Lou Holtz
  9. They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything. ~Bil Keane
  10. Whatever you do in life, surround yourself with smart people who’ll argue with you. ~John Wooden
  11. A nation’s culture resides in the hearts and in the soul of its people. ~Mahatma Gandhi
  12. A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots. ~Marcus Garvey
  13. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
  14. The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best. ~Epictetus
  15. Great things in business are never done by one person. They’re done by a team of people. ~Steve Jobs
  16. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. ~Mark Twain
  17. Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose. ~Bill Gates
  18. Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~Marcel Proust
  19. If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love. ~Maya Angelou
  20. You see, God helps only people who work hard. That principle is very clear. ~APJ Abdul Kalam
  21. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. ~Isaac Asimov

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15 Quotes by Marcus Aurelius

Quotes by Marcus AureliusMarcus Aurelius was a Roman emperor who ruled jointly with Lucius Verus and then later with his son, Commodus. He was the last of the so-called Five Good Emperors.

Marcus Aurelius was a practitioner of Stoicism and his untitled writing, commonly known as Meditations, is regarded as a significant source of our modern understanding of ancient Stoic philosophy.

It is considered by many commentators to be one of the greatest works of philosophy.

Here are 15 quotes by Marcus Aurelius which will provide some insight into his own personal philosophy.

Quotes by Marcus Aurelius:

  1. Each day provides its own gifts. ~Marcus Aurelius
  2. Our life is what our thoughts make it. ~Marcus Aurelius
  3. A man’s worth is no greater than his ambitions. ~Marcus Aurelius
  4. The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. ~Marcus Aurelius
  5. Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. ~Marcus Aurelius 
  6. Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. ~Marcus Aurelius
  7. When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. ~Marcus Aurelius
  8. It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live. ~Marcus Aurelius
  9. Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one. ~Marcus Aurelius
  10. Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart. ~Marcus Aurelius
  11. You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ~Marcus Aurelius
  12. That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees. ~Marcus Aurelius
  13. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. ~Marcus Aurelius
  14. He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe. ~Marcus Aurelius
  15. The only wealth which you will keep forever is the wealth you have given away. ~Marcus Aurelius

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15 Quotes by Aristotle

Quotes by AristotleDo you have your own personal philosophy dear reader? Do you have a sense of what’s important to you and what isn’t? Do you have a set of values by which you live your life? Perhaps this is something on which you continue to reflect?

That’s fine. However if that is the case, then listening to the words of the great philosophers will help you I believe.

There are many great philosophers of course but one man’s words worthy of your time would be those of Aristotle.

Aristotle was an ancient Greek philosopher and scientist believed to have been born around 384 BC.

I think that the wisdom of the ancients offers us much to develop our own personal philosophy and all those quotes attributed to Aristotle provide much on which we can contemplate and reflect on in relation to our own lives.

Here are 15 Quotes by Aristotle to help you reflect and further develop your own philosophy.

Quotes by Aristotle:

  1. Happiness depends upon ourselves. ~Aristotle
  2. Friendship is essentially a partnership. ~Aristotle
  3. Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. ~Aristotle
  4. Quality is not an act, it’s a habit. ~Aristotle
  5. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. ~Aristotle
  6. There is no great genius without some touch of madness. ~Aristotle
  7. A friend to all is a friend to none. ~Aristotle
  8. Good habits formed in youth make all the difference. ~Aristotle
  9. Man is by nature a political animal. ~Aristotle
  10. The roots of education are bitter but the fruit is sweet. ~Aristotle
  11. He who is to be a good ruler must have first been ruled. ~Aristotle
  12. It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. ~Aristotle
  13. The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal. ~Aristotle
  14. At his best man is the noblest of all animals but separated from law and justice he is the worst. ~Aristotle
  15. The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control and outnumbers both of the other classes. ~Aristotle

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15 Quotes by Socrates

When you think about it, we can’t be sure that Socrates actually existed because he was apparently born around 399 BC. That’s a long time before real records began.

However Socrates is regarded as a classical Greek philosopher and he was considered to be the first moral philosopher. In fact he’s been credited as being one of the founders of Western philosophy.

History suggests that he didn’t write anything during his own lifetime and his philosophy therefore is known primarily through the written accounts of other classical scholars.

So it really is hard to know whether any of the quotes credited to him were actually spoken by him.

Nevertheless the philosophy credited to him is worthy of our consideration and further reflection. So here are 15 Quotes by Socrates that will make you think I am sure.

Quotes by Socrates:

  1. Be as you wish to seem. ~Socrates
  2. Wisdom begins in wonder. ~Socrates
  3. It is not living that matters but living rightly. ~Socrates
  4. The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing. ~Socrates
  5. From the deepest desires often become the deadliest hate. ~Socrates
  6. Marry, by all means. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. ~Socrates
  7. Beware the barrenness of a busy life. ~Socrates
  8. Worthless people live only to eat and drink. People of worth eat and drink only to live. ~Socrates
  9. Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. ~Socrates
  10. True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves and the world around us. ~Socrates
  11. The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear. ~Socrates
  12. I was really too honest a man to be a politician and live. ~Socrates
  13. If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart. ~Socrates
  14. Once made equal to man, woman becomes his superior. ~Socrates
  15. Death may be the greatest of all human blessings. ~Socrates

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21 thought-provoking one-liners you’ll love

Thought-Provoking One-LinersI love a good one-line quote.

They can be powerful and they can be useful when you need to reinforce a point whilst making a presentation or when you’re trying to make your case in a debate or argument.

Here are 21 great, thought-provoking one-liners all of which certainly made me think.

Thought-provoking one-liners:

  1. People may hear your words but they feel your attitude. ~John C. Maxwell
  2. The only source of knowledge is experience. ~Albert Einstein
  3. There is no substitute for hard work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  4. To travel is to discover that everyone is wrong about other countries. ~Aldous Huxley
  5. To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. ~George MacDonald
  6. Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. ~W. Clement Stone
  7. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~Thomas A. Edison
  8. The most violent element in society is ignorance. ~Emma Goldman
  9. Lost time is never found again. ~Benjamin Franklin
  10. The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows. ~Aristotle Onassis
  11. Thought-Provoking One-LinersYou have to dream before your dreams can come true. ~APJ Abdul Kalam
  12. Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live. ~Jim Rohn
  13. Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. ~Joseph Addison
  14. Health is not valued till sickness comes. ~Thomas Fuller
  15. Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. ~Napoleon Bonaparte
  16. My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. ~Dalai Lama
  17. Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. ~Emily Dickinson
  18. One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. ~Bob Marley
  19. Anybody who thinks money will make you happy hasn’t got money. ~David Geffen
  20. Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway. ~John Wayne
  21. Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art. ~Stanislaw Jerzy Lec

Further Reading:

If you like thought-provoking quotes then there are plenty of good books full of them. Three you might consider are:-

Incredible Quotations: 230 Thought-Provoking Quotes with Prompts to Spark Students’ Writing, Thinking, and Discussion by Jacqueline Sweeney

365 Thought Provoking Quotes: Leading you to your daily breakthrough by Cynamon Scott

The Little Book of Big Quotes: Inspirational, Motivational, Truthful, and Thought-provoking Quotes: Volume I Words That Can Change Your Life by Carlos Salinas

You can take a look at each of them by clicking on the links.

DISCLAIMER: This website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links in Further Reading above and then make a purchase, you should know that this website will receive a small commission. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site. Your understanding is truly appreciated. Thank you.

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