15 George Costanza quotes that’ll make you smile

Today, dear reader, I thought you might appreciate some amusing quotes by George Costanza.

There have been some wonderful characters in sitcoms over the years, and one of the very best, in my opinion, was that lovable loser George Costanza from the US sitcom Seinfeld, played by the excellent Jason Alexander.

George Costanza had a brilliant turn of phrase, and his cup was always half-empty. If anyone had drawn the short straw in life, it was George. However, he gave us so many laughs, and for that, we should all be very grateful.

So take a couple of minutes, relax, and enjoy all these quotes by George Costanza.

George Costanza Quotes:

  1. I don’t trust men in capes.
  2. If she can’t find me, she can’t break up with me.
  3. Jerry, just remember it’s not a lie if you believe it.
  4. You know, I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.
  5. When you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy.
  6. If you can’t say something bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t say anything at all.
  7. The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.
  8. Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
  9. I don’t think I’ve ever been to an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up.
  10. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, and my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to fail.
  11. You should’ve seen her face. It was the exact same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
  12. Instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over 360 pairs. That way I only have to do a wash once a year.
  13. What’s so great about a mom and pop store? Let me tell you something, if my mom and pop ran a store, I wouldn’t shop there.
  14. You’re giving me the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me.
  15. [To Jerry]: Would it kill you not to be so funny all the time? That’s all I’m askin’. This woman thinks I’m very funny and now you’re gonna be funny, so what am I gonna be? I’m gonna be a short bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn’t seem so funny.

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George Costanza quotes
Photo by Alan Light

Did you find any of these George Costanza quotes amusing, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

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