Football or soccer? The beautiful game is well known by both names around the world. And wherever you go, players can say some silly things at times. So I thought it might be interesting to curate some funny footballer quotes, or, if you prefer, funny soccer quotes.
Whether you prefer to call it football or soccer, one thing is true, and that’s that the players and people associated with the game can say some of the funniest things at times.
Over the years, players, managers, coaches, commentators, and pundits have all come up with some memorable quotes and one-liners, some intentional, others inadvertent. Either way, they’re always amusing.
Enjoy them all, and then please pass them on.
Funny footballer quotes (1 – 25):
- I love these players with two feet. ~Michael Owen
- They were numerically outnumbered. ~Garry Birtles
- He’s got a lot of self-belief in himself. ~Graham Beecroft
- To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch. ~Ruud Gullit
- I’ve been consistent in patches this season. ~Theo Walcott
- Apparently, it’s my fault that the Titanic sank. ~Ian Holloway
- I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. ~Stuart Pearce
- And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0. ~Ian Darke
- I’d like to play for an Italian club like Barcelona. ~Mark Draper
- Winning doesn’t really matter, as long as you win. ~Vinny Jones
- Reading won’t have the confidence to be confident. ~Paul Merson
- When you’re 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1. ~Lawrie McMenemy
- That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post. ~Michael Owen
- Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar. ~Rafa Benitez
- If there’s a bit of rain about it makes the surface wet. ~ Michael Owen
- Wilkins sends an inch-perfect pass to no one in particular. ~Byron Butler
- I couldn’t settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country. ~Ian Rush
- The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23. ~Kevin Keegan
- If we played like this every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent. ~Bryan Robson
- Chile have three options. They could win or they could lose. ~Kevin Keegan
- That is a fantastic penalty, but he will be gutted it went wide. ~Michael Owen
- Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job. ~Brian Clough
- If Rojo wasn’t left-footed, he’d have used his right for that one. ~Michael Owen
- Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you’re 80-20 sure of winning it. ~Ian Darke
- Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long about it. ~Martin Tyler
Funny footballer quotes (26 – 50):
- Blackburn have got two strikers on and they’re both playing upfront. ~Michael Owen
- We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought. ~Sir Bobby Robson
- For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip. ~John Motson
- Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed. ~Bob Wilson
- They’re the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that. ~Kevin Keegan
- We must have had 99 percent of the game. It was the other three percent that cost us the match. ~Ruud Gullit
- If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he’s have put grass up there. ~Brian Clough
- I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is. ~Kevin Keegan
- I’m out at the moment, but should you be the chairman of Barcelona, AC Milan, or Real Madrid, I’ll get straight back to you. The rest can wait. ~Joe Kinnear
- I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the world. But I was in the top one. ~Brian Clough
- I never comment on referees, and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. ~Ron Atkinson
- It’s definitely hit Defoe’s hand as it’s gone in, but it’s not a handball for me. ~Michael Owen
- What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me. ~Michael Owen
- I’ve had 14 bookings this season, eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable. ~Paul Gascoigne
- If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket. ~Sir Bobby Robson
- I’d been ill and hardly trained for a week, and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses. ~Clinton Morrison
- Djimi Traore had to adapt to the English game, and he did that by going out on loan to Lens last season. ~ Ian Rush
- I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. ~George Best
- My parents have been there for me ever since I was about seven. ~David Beckham
- Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match. ~Ian Wright
- What will you do when you leave football, Jack? Will you stay in football? ~Stuart Hall
- I always used to put my right boot on first, and then, obviously, my right sock. ~Barry Venison
- I am a firm believer that if you score one goal, the other team have to score two to win. ~Howard Wilkinson
- If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again. ~Terry Venables
- I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet. ~David Beckham
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