50 Funny footballer quotes for soccer fans everywhere

Football or soccer? The beautiful game is well known by both names around the world. And wherever you go, players can say some silly things at times. So I thought it might be interesting to curate some funny footballer quotes, or, if you prefer, funny soccer quotes.

Whether you prefer to call it football or soccer, one thing is true, and that’s that the players and people associated with the game can say some of the funniest things at times.

Over the years, players, managers, coaches, commentators, and pundits have all come up with some memorable quotes and one-liners, some intentional, others inadvertent. Either way, they’re always amusing.

Enjoy them all, and then please pass them on.

Funny footballer quotes (1 – 25):

I love these players with two feet. ~Michael Owen

They were numerically outnumbered. ~Garry Birtles
He’s got a lot of self-belief in himself. ~Graham Beecroft
To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch. ~Ruud Gullit

I’ve been consistent in patches this season. ~Theo Walcott
Apparently, it’s my fault that the Titanic sank. ~Ian Holloway
I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. ~Stuart Pearce

And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0. ~Ian Darke
I’d like to play for an Italian club like Barcelona. ~Mark Draper
Winning doesn’t really matter, as long as you win. ~Vinny Jones

Reading won’t have the confidence to be confident. ~Paul Merson
When you’re 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1. ~Lawrie McMenemy
That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post. ~Michael Owen

Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar. ~Rafa Benitez
If there’s a bit of rain about it makes the surface wet. ~ Michael Owen
Wilkins sends an inch-perfect pass to no one in particular. ~Byron Butler

I couldn’t settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country. ~Ian Rush
The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23. ~Kevin Keegan
If we played like this every week, we wouldn’t be so inconsistent. ~Bryan Robson

Chile have three options. They could win or they could lose. ~Kevin Keegan
That is a fantastic penalty, but he will be gutted it went wide. ~Michael Owen
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job. ~Brian Clough

If Rojo wasn’t left-footed, he’d have used his right for that one. ~Michael Owen
Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you’re 80-20 sure of winning it. ~Ian Darke
Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long about it. ~Martin Tyler

Funny footballer quotes (26 – 50):

Blackburn have got two strikers on and they’re both playing upfront. ~Michael Owen
We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought. ~Sir Bobby Robson
For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip. ~John Motson

Diego Maradona – a flawed genius who has now become a genius who is flawed. ~Bob Wilson
They’re the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that. ~Kevin Keegan
We must have had 99 percent of the game. It was the other three percent that cost us the match. ~Ruud Gullit

If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he’s have put grass up there. ~Brian Clough
I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is. ~Kevin Keegan
I’m out at the moment, but should you be the chairman of Barcelona, AC Milan, or Real Madrid, I’ll get straight back to you. The rest can wait. ~Joe Kinnear

I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the world. But I was in the top one. ~Brian Clough
I never comment on referees, and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. ~Ron Atkinson
It’s definitely hit Defoe’s hand as it’s gone in, but it’s not a handball for me. ~Michael Owen

What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me. ~Michael Owen
I’ve had 14 bookings this season, eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable. ~Paul Gascoigne
If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket. ~Sir Bobby Robson

I’d been ill and hardly trained for a week, and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses. ~Clinton Morrison
Djimi Traore had to adapt to the English game, and he did that by going out on loan to Lens last season. ~ Ian Rush
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. ~George Best

My parents have been there for me ever since I was about seven. ~David Beckham
Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match. ~Ian Wright
What will you do when you leave football, Jack? Will you stay in football? ~Stuart Hall

I always used to put my right boot on first, and then, obviously, my right sock. ~Barry Venison
I am a firm believer that if you score one goal, the other team have to score two to win. ~Howard Wilkinson
If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again. ~Terry Venables

I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet. ~David Beckham

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find any of these funny footballer quotes amusing, dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If you did enjoy them, then please share this post with your friends on social media, because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now.

If you can do that for me, then I’ll be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience, and that will be your good deed for the day.

Your support is appreciated, dear reader. Thank you.

50 Funny footballer quotes for soccer fans everywhere

Funny footballer quotes (1 – 25):

Funny footballer quotes (26 – 50):

Please share this post with your friends:

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Recent Posts

Archives