50 Funny footballer quotes for soccer fans everywhere

Funny Football QuotesFootball or soccer? The beautiful game is well known by both names around the world. And wherever you go, players can say some silly things at times. So I thought it might be interesting to curate some funny footballer quotes, or if you prefer, funny soccer quotes.

Whether you prefer to call it football or soccer, one thing is true and that’s the players and people associated with the game can say some of the funniest things at times.

Over the years, players, managers, coaches, commentators and pundits have all come up with some memorable quotes and one-liners, some intentional, others inadvertent. Either way, they’re always amusing.

Enjoy them all and then please pass them on.

Funny footballer quotes (1 – 25):

  1. I love these players with two feet. ~Michael Owen
  2. They were numerically outnumbered. ~Garry Birtles
  3. He’s got a lot of self-belief in himself. ~Graham Beecroft
  4. To play Holland you have to play the Dutch. ~Ruud Gullit
  5. I’ve been consistent in patches this season. ~Theo Walcott
  6. Apparently, it’s my fault that the Titanic sank. ~Ian Holloway
  7. I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. ~Stuart Pearce
  8. And with 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0. ~Ian Darke
  9. I’d like to play for an Italian club like Barcelona. ~Mark Draper
  10. Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win. ~Vinny Jones
  11. Reading won’t have the confidence to be confident. ~Paul Merson
  12. When you’re 4-0 up you should never lose 7-1. ~Lawrie McMenemy
  13. That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post. ~Michael Owen
  14. Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar. ~Rafa Benitez
  15. If there’s a bit of rain about it makes the surface wet. ~ Michael Owen
  16. Wilkins sends an inch-perfect pass to no one in particular. ~Byron Butler
  17. I couldn’t settle in Italy. It was like living in a foreign country. ~Ian Rush
  18. The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23. ~Kevin Keegan
  19. If we played like this every week we wouldn’t be so inconsistent. ~Bryan Robson
  20. Chile have three options. They could win or they could lose. ~Kevin Keegan
  21. That is a fantastic penalty, but he will be gutted it went wide. ~Michael Owen
  22. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that particular job. ~Brian Clough
  23. If Rojo wasn’t left-footed he’d have used his right for that one. ~Michael Owen
  24. Never go for a 50-50 ball unless you’re 80-20 sure of winning it. ~Ian Darke
  25. Oh, he had an eternity to play that ball, but he took too long about it. ~Martin Tyler

Funny footballer quotes (26 – 50):

  1. Blackburn have got two strikers on and they’re both playing upfront. ~Michael Owen
  2. We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought. ~Sir Bobby Robson
  3. For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip. ~John Motson
  4. Diego Maradona – a flawed genius, who has now become a genius who is flawed. ~Bob Wilson
  5. They’re the second-best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that. ~Kevin Keegan
  6. We must have had 99 per cent of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match. ~Ruud Gullit
  7. If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he’s have put grass up there. ~Brian Clough
  8. I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is. ~Kevin Keegan
  9. I’m out at the moment, but should you be the chairman of Barcelona, AC Milan or Real Madrid, I’ll get straight back to you. The rest can wait. ~Joe Kinnear
  10. I wouldn’t say I was the best manager in the world. But I was in the top one. ~Brian Clough
  11. I never comment on referees, and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat. ~Ron Atkinson
  12. It’s definitely hit Defoe’s hand as it’s gone in, but it’s not a handball for me. ~Michael Owen
  13. What a shot, that’s completely unstoppable but the keepers got to do better for me. ~Michael Owen
  14. I’ve had 14 bookings this season, eight of which were my fault, but seven of which were disputable. ~Paul Gascoigne
  15. If we start counting our chickens before they hatch, they won’t lay any eggs in the basket. ~Sir Bobby Robson
  16. I’d been ill and hardly trained for a week and I’d been out of the team for three weeks before that. So I wasn’t sharp. I got cramp before half-time as well. But I’m not one to make excuses. ~Clinton Morrison
  17. Djimi Traore had to adapt to the English game, and he did that by going out on loan to Lens last season. ~ Ian Rush
  18. I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. ~George Best
  19. My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven. ~David Beckham
  20. Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match. ~Ian Wright
  21. What will you do when you leave football, Jack? Will you stay in football? ~Stuart Hall
  22. I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. ~Barry Venison
  23. I am a firm believer that, if you score one goal, the other team have to score two to win. ~Howard Wilkinson
  24. If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again. ~Terry Venables
  25. I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet. ~David Beckham

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