60 witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile

Today I offer you some witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile, dear reader.

If you’re having a tough time, the best medicine to improve how you feel is a little laughter and a few quotes that will resonate with you.

In the blog post that follows, there is a treasure trove of sparkling wit and wisdom. Handpicked, these quotes are not just words – they’re little rays of sunshine wrapped in syllables.

So, dive into this delightful reservoir and let the words tickle your funny bone and lighten your heart!”

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Quotes to make you smile (1-10):

I’m not odd; I’m a limited edition.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.
I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
My house was clean last week. Sorry, you missed it.

On the upside, bad decisions do make good stories.

Quotes to make you smile (11-20):

Never trust stairs; they’re always up to something.
Being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

I followed my heart, and it led me straight to the fridge.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my to-do list is a mile long.
Yes, I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!

Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.
Having plants in the house is a great way to pretend you have your life together.
You know you’re a grown-up when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of your regular debt payments.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms, four bags of Maltesers and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Quotes to make you smile (21-30):

If being an adult is soup, then I’m a fork.

I’m not late; I’m just operating in a different time zone.
If you’re hotter than me, then I guess I’m cooler than you.
I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days.

The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You never truly understand something until you try to explain it to a toddler.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Laughter is like a windshield wiper; it doesn’t stop the rain but lets you keep going.
My bed and I have a special relationship; we’re perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just doesn’t seem to understand.

Quotes to make you smile (31-40):

I didn’t trip, I was doing a random gravity check.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?”

If Cinderella’s shoe was a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is?
I’m writing a book on procrastination. I’ll start tomorrow.

The fridge is a perfect example of what matters is on the inside.
Life update: Currently holding it all together with a single bobby pin.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft.

To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

Quotes to make you smile (41-50):

Exercise? I’m sorry, I thought you said, ‘extra fries’.
I tried to be agreeable once. Worst two minutes of my life.

My favourite childhood memory is not having to pay bills.
I don’t need an inspirational quote in the morning. I need coffee.
If you see me talking to myself, just know I’m having a staff meeting.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
My greatest wish in life is that someone would want me like I want chocolate cake.
Diet Day 1: I have removed all the unhealthy food from the house. It was delicious.

You’re never too old to throw random stuff in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy wine and chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.

Quotes to make you smile (51-60):

I’m currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too.

Yes, I have a six-pack. It’s just protected by a layer of fat.
Behind every working mother is a substantial amount of coffee.
You know you’re old when your candles cost more than your cake.

I think I need glasses because I keep seeing people with two faces.
Common sense is so rare these days, that it should be considered a superpower.
If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person is a complete idiot.
I never run. So, if you see me running, you should run too because something very scary will be chasing me.
When you realise that stressed is just desserts spelt backwards, you’ll understand the importance of comfort food.

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If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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