25 corny puns that’ll make you smile or make you cringe

Do you like corny puns, dear reader? I hope so, because I’ve pulled together 25 of them for you. They’ll make you smile or make you cringe, but either way, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the clever wordplay.

So sit back and take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

Corny Puns:

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

Share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these corny puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support.

These articles that might appeal to you too:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved.

27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

Funny PunsIf you like funny puns, then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope they will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile, but for me, the cornier the pun, the better.

So, I hope you enjoy them all, dear reader.

If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny puns:

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I cancelled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time with relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, “No change yet.”

Ad - Web Hosting from SiteGround - Crafted for easy site management. Click to learn more.

Funny PunsPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2024. All rights reserved

60 witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile

60 QUOTES TO MAKE YOU SMILEToday I offer you some witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile, dear reader.

If you’re having a tough time, the best medicine to improve how you feel is a little laughter and a few quotes that will resonate with you.

In the blog post that follows, there is a treasure trove of sparkling wit and wisdom. Handpicked, these quotes are not just words – they’re little rays of sunshine wrapped in syllables.

So, dive into this delightful reservoir and let the words tickle your funny bone and lighten your heart!”

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends.

Quotes to make you smile (1-10):

  1. I’m not odd; I’m a limited edition.
  2. I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
  3. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  4. If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.
  5. I’m not lazy. I’m in energy-saving mode.
  6. I wish more people were fluent in silence.
  7. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  8. If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
  9. My house was clean last week. Sorry, you missed it.
  10. On the upside, bad decisions do make good stories.

Quotes to make you smile (11-20):

  1. Never trust stairs; they’re always up to something.
  2. Being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
  3. I followed my heart, and it led me straight to the fridge.
  4. I don’t have a bucket list, but my to-do list is a mile long.
  5. Yes, I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
  6. Age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying you.
  7. Having plants in the house is a great way to pretend you have your life together.
  8. You know you’re a grown-up when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen.
  9. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of your regular debt payments.
  10. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms, four bags of Maltesers and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

Quotes to make you smile (21-30):

  1. If being an adult is soup, then I’m a fork.
  2. I’m not late; I’m just operating in a different time zone.
  3. If you’re hotter than me, then I guess I’m cooler than you.
  4. I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is 14 days.
  5. The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.
  6. Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
  7. You never truly understand something until you try to explain it to a toddler.
  8. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  9. Laughter is like a windshield wiper; it doesn’t stop the rain but lets you keep going.
  10. My bed and I have a special relationship; we’re perfect for each other. But my alarm clock just doesn’t seem to understand.

Quotes to make you smile (31-40):

  1. I didn’t trip, I was doing a random gravity check.
  2. When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
  3. If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet?”
  4. If Cinderella’s shoe was a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
  5. Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is?
  6. I’m writing a book on procrastination. I’ll start tomorrow.
  7. The fridge is a perfect example of what matters is on the inside.
  8. Life update: Currently holding it all together with a single bobby pin.
  9. My bank balance is a constant reminder that I’m safe from identity theft.
  10. To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

Quotes to make you smile (41-50):

  1. Exercise? I’m sorry, I thought you said, ‘extra fries’.
  2. I tried to be agreeable once. Worst two minutes of my life.
  3. My favourite childhood memory is not having to pay bills.
  4. I don’t need an inspirational quote in the morning. I need coffee.
  5. If you see me talking to myself, just know I’m having a staff meeting.
  6. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
  7. My greatest wish in life is that someone would want me like I want chocolate cake.
  8. Diet Day 1: I have removed all the unhealthy food from the house. It was delicious.
  9. You’re never too old to throw random stuff in people’s shopping carts when they aren’t looking.
  10. Money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy wine and chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.

Quotes to make you smile (51-60):

  1. I’m currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too.
  2. Yes, I have a six-pack. It’s just protected by a layer of fat.
  3. Behind every working mother is a substantial amount of coffee.
  4. You know you’re old when your candles cost more than your cake.
  5. I think I need glasses because I keep seeing people with two faces.
  6. Common sense is so rare these days, that it should be considered a superpower.
  7. If we’re not supposed to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
  8. Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing the other person is a complete idiot.
  9. I never run. So, if you see me running, you should run too because something very scary will be chasing me.
  10. When you realise that stressed is just desserts spelt backwards, you’ll understand the importance of comfort food.

Please share this post with your friends:

60 QUOTES TO MAKE YOU SMILEIf you enjoyed these witty one-liners and quotes to make you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So, go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

35 funny quotes about life guaranteed to make you smile

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFEToday I’m in a philosophical mood, so I thought I’d explore some funny quotes about life. Every quote on the list I’ve curated made me smile, so I hope at least a few of them make you smile too, dear reader.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny quotes about life (1-10):

  1. A wise man once said nothing.
  2. Life’s short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  3. I’m not lazy. I’m just in energy-saving mode.
  4. Life’s hard but it’s even harder if you’re stupid.
  5. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
  6. Life can be summed up in three words. It goes on.
  7. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
  8. Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.
  9. Life is like ice cream. You must enjoy it before it melts.
  10. I’d like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money.

Funny quotes about life (11-20):

  1. Life can be a handful. That’s why you’ve got two hands.
  2. You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
  3. Housework probably won’t kill you, but why take the risk?
  4. Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.
  5. Life was easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
  6. Stressed spelt backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
  7. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  8. Always borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
  9. Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
  10. I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is.

Funny quotes about life (21-35):

  1. The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.
  2. If you think you’re too small to be effective, try sleeping with a mosquito.
  3. Revenge sounds so mean. Better just to think of it as returning the favour.
  4. You may call them swear words but to me, they’re just sentence enhancers.
  5. There are three things a woman needs in life. Food, water, and compliments.
  6. They say you attract what you fear. Well, $10 million scares the life out of me.
  7. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
  8. I made a giant ‘To Do List’ for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it all.
  9. You need three bones to succeed in life. A backbone, a wishbone, and a funny bone.
  10. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never seem to use it.
  11. You never know how much you’ve got in life until you decide to de-clutter your house.
  12. When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
  13. Dear life, when I said, “Can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
  14. Never trust people who smile constantly. Either they’re selling something or they’re not very bright.
  15. During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. When I hear a strange noise in the middle of the night, I’m more open-minded.

Please share this post with your friends:

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFEIf you enjoyed these funny quotes about life, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2023. All Rights Reserved.

30 funny quotes about life that’ll make you smile

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFEHello dear reader, are you looking for some funny quotes about life?

Life doesn’t come with a guarantee.

It is what it is and we get out of it about as much as we are prepared to put in. Certainly, that is my experience.

Some people are lucky and others less so. And we can’t be certain of anything, other than death and taxes (and the occasional Wi-Fi dropout).

It’s a funny old world when you think about it and the experience of human existence can be a little bizarre at times too.

So today I offer you 30 funny quotes about life to emphasize the point and hopefully make you smile too.

Yes, life’s hard and for many people, it’s extremely tough.

Life can be cruel for many people but for the lucky ones it can be a joy. So if you’re one of the lucky ones then embrace life and all the challenges it puts in your path. Through those challenges, you will grow.

However, don’t take yourself too seriously because no one else does.

Just learn to smile and appreciate whatever is good in your life.

Chase success by all means but don’t expect any certainties. Just enjoy whatever comes your way.

Finally, remember this; you will make mistakes. So what? Everyone else does too.

Just learn from any mistakes you make and move on.

Nothing matters much when you think about it.

However, laughing at yourself and life is probably the most important coping tool you’ll have at your disposal. So start by laughing at these funny quotes about life.

Sadly I cannot be sure of their origins, so for the moment they remain classified as Authors Unknown.

However, if you can enlighten me as to their origins then please do. I am very keen to acknowledge the work of others whenever possible.

Funny quotes about life (1-10):

  1. Smile while you still have teeth.
  2. Only the mediocre are always at their best.
  3. If only common sense were more common.
  4. What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
  5. Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
  6. I really should do something with my life; maybe tomorrow.
  7. Life’s like a game of chess. If only I knew how to play chess.
  8. I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to rearrange the world.
  9. I didn’t fall; I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
  10. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Funny quotes about life (11-20):

  1. I’m old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway.
  2. Life’s short. Eat cake and chocolate whilst you’ve still got the chance.
  3. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
  4. If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.
  5. Life’s like a Wi-Fi signal. You never know when it’s going to drop out on you.
  6. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
  7. Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
  8. Long walks are great, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
  9. We all have baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.
  10. I love to be around some people; I love to stay away from others, and some people I’d just love to punch right in the face.

Funny quotes about life (21-30):

  1. Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
  2. Life’s a puzzle. You have all the pieces, but you don’t know how to fit them all together.
  3. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life vest, I would miss you so much.
  4. Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.
  5. When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
  6. Life is like a deck of cards. You can play your hand well or blame the dealer for your bad luck.
  7. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.
  8. Life’s like a game of hide and seek. Except sometimes, nobody’s looking for you and you’re hiding in the wrong spot.
  9. The alphabet begins with ABC; numbers begin with 123; music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
  10. Taking a shower is awesome; it makes you feel nice and clean; makes you sound like a great singer, and helps you make all of life’s decisions.

Please share this post with your friends:

FUNNY QUOTES ABOUT LIFESo dear reader, did you find these funny quotes about life amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of them make smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Articles you might enjoy:

You might like to try these free games too:

Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

WP Radio
WP Radio
OFFLINE LIVE