25 corny puns that’ll make you smile or make you cringe

Corny PunsDo you like corny puns dear reader? I hope so because I’ve pulled together 25 of them for you. They’ll make you smile or make you cringe but either way I’m sure you’ll appreciate the clever wordplay.

So sit back and take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

Corny Puns:

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these corny puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

Funny PunsIf you like funny puns then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope it will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile but for me the cornier the pun the better.

I hope you enjoy them all dear reader.

Funny puns:   

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It really makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Surely writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I canceled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get really claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time in relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centers is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied “No change yet.”

Funny PunsPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

25 funny quotes about life guaranteed to make you smile

Funny quotes about lifeToday I’m in a philosophical mood, so I thought I’d explore some funny quotes about life. This batch all made me smile and they’re guaranteed to make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny quotes about life:

  1. A wise man once said nothing.
  2. Life’s like ice cream. You must enjoy it before it melts.
  3. Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out alive.
  4. Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
  5. I made a large ‘to list’ for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it all.
  6. Borrow money from pessimists. They don’t expect it back.
  7. I know what’s around the corner. I just don’t know where the corner is.
  8. You need three bones to succeed in life. A backbone, a wishbone, and a funny bone.
  9. Life’s hard but it’s even harder if you’re stupid.
  10. Behind every great man, there’s a woman rolling her eyes.
  11. Life can be summed up in three words. It goes on.
  12. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not.
  13. Life can be a handful. That’s why you’ve got two hands.
  14. Revenge sounds so mean. Better just to think of it as returning the favor.
  15. Life was easier when Apple and Blackberry were just fruits.
  16. There are three things a woman needs in life. Food, water, and compliments.
  17. Life’s short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  18. You may call them swear words but to me they’re just sentence enhancers.
  19. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never seem to use it.
  20. They say you attract what you fear. Well $10 million scares the life out of me.
  21. You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
  22. You never know how much you’ve got in life, until you decide to de-clutter your house.
  23. Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  24. Dear life, when I said, “Can this day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
  25. During the day I don’t believe in ghosts. When I hear a strange noise in the middle of the night I’m more open-minded.

Funny quotes about lifePlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed these funny quotes about life then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

Other articles which will also amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

10 of the best quotes of wisdom to get you thinking

Best quotes of wisdomDear Reader, If you’ve been searching for the best quotes of wisdom, then look no further.  Today I have some real gems for you.

We all need a little inspiration each day, don’t we?

So today I offer you 10 of the best quotes of wisdom to really get you thinking. Enjoy them all.

Best quotes of wisdom:

  1. You can’t argue with stupid
  2. Old ways don’t open new doors
  3. Wisdom is knowing you know nothing
  4. Happiness equals reality minus expectations
  5. Follow your heart but take you brain with you
  6. No response is a response and a powerful one
  7. You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do
  8. Judge people by their questions, not their answers
  9. What you tell yourself daily will lift you up or bring you down
  10. You can’t judge someone unless you’ve walked a mile in their shoes

Please share these quotes with your friends:

Do you agree that these are the best quotes of wisdom? Did you find them inspiring and interesting? I do hope so. And if you did then please share this post on social media with your friends.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share this post now. If you do, I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Other articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.