35 witty one-liners that are corny but fun

Do you enjoy witty one-liners, dear reader? Well, today I’ve curated another collection of 35 just for you.

Yes, they’re all corny puns, that’s true, but they’re fun too, and they all made me smile. So I hope they brighten your day as well.

So, take a few minutes now to enjoy them all.

Witty one-liners:

  1. The periodic table is elementary knowledge.
  2. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners, but cats can.
  3. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
  4. If you know of any good fish jokes, let minnow.
  5. Spring is here! I’m so excited, I wet my plants.
  6. Puns about menstruation are not funny. Period.
  7. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
  8. Be kind to dentists because they have fillings too.
  9. How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch? Tea, Rex?
  10. Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate clauses.
  11. No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder. 
  12. It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  13. Which way did the programmers go? They went data way!
  14. I’m positive I just lost an electron. Better keep an ion that.
  15. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
  16. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  17. People tend to study gravity because it’s a pretty attractive field.
  18. I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
  19. If you use an umbrella, does that mean you’re under the weather?
  20. I heard a joke about a mythical sea monster and it’s still Kraken me up!
  21. After the birth of your first child, your role in life will become apparent. 
  22. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother.
  23. I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
  24. I was going to donate part of my stomach, but I didn’t have the guts.
  25. My friend’s bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  26. I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it just clicked. 
  27. Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn’t know how to conduct itself.
  28. I’m working on a machine that can read minds. I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.
  29. Did you see the headlines this morning? “Man in boxers leads police on brief chase”.
  30. Apple is designing a new automatic car, but they’re having trouble installing Windows!
  31. I told my wife that it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps. All I got was icy stares.
  32. I was on the toilet, angry and late for work. I thought to myself, “I don’t have time for this sh*t.”
  33. How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presents.
  34. My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it’s flat. In the end, he came around.
  35. I got a pair of gloves today, but they’re both lefts. On the one hand, it’s great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

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25 corny puns that’ll make you smile or make you cringe

Do you like corny puns, dear reader? I hope so, because I’ve pulled together 25 of them for you. They’ll make you smile or make you cringe, but either way, I’m sure you’ll appreciate the clever wordplay.

So sit back and take a few minutes to enjoy them all.

Corny Puns:

  1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
  3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
  4. Why do bees stay in their hives during the winter? Swarm.
  5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
  6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
  7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
  8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
  9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
  10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
  11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
  12. My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
  13. I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
  14. Why is ‘dark’ spelt with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
  15. Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
  16. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
  17. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
  18. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
  19. Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
  20. I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
  21. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
  22. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
  23. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
  24. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
  25. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.

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If you enjoyed any of these corny puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

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27 corny but funny puns to raise a smile or two

Funny PunsIf you like funny puns, then I’ve put together a batch of very corny ones in the hope they will raise a smile or two. They all made me smile, but for me, the cornier the pun, the better.

So, I hope you enjoy them all, dear reader.

If you do, please feel free to pass them on.

Funny puns:

  1. Odorless chemicals just don’t make scents.
  2. I love how the Earth rotates. It makes my day.
  3. I was working in a glue factory, but I couldn’t stick with it.
  4. Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
  5. The cost of the space program is astronomical.
  6. I was inconsolable when my PlayStation was stolen.
  7. Our office defibrillator didn’t work. Nobody was shocked.
  8. I googled “how to start a fire” and got 869,000 matches.
  9. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents!
  10. I used to be a history teacher, but there’s no future in it.
  11. How’s my long-distance relationship going? So far, so good.
  12. I cancelled my gym membership because it wasn’t working out.
  13. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
  14. I felt lonely, so I bought some shares. It’s nicer to have some company.
  15. If you’re thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.
  16. To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.
  17. I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit. 
  18. I sued the airport for mislaying my baggage, but I lost my case.
  19. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator, and only a fraction of people will find that funny.
  20. I get claustrophobic in elevators, so I’ve started taking steps to avoid it.
  21. Tennis players have a hard time with relationships because love means nothing to them.
  22. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter!
  23. A rubber band slingshot was confiscated in an algebra class for being a weapon of math disruption.
  24. What’s the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire. 
  25. The thing about shopping centres is that once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen a mall.
  26. My housemate told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We went out and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web developer.
  27. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse replied, “No change yet.”

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Funny PunsPlease share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed any of these funny puns, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be forever grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

FUNNY PUNSDo you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners just make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them and please share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-12):

  1. He who laughs last didn’t get it.
  2. Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
  3. Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
  4. Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
  5. Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
  6. I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  7. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
  8. Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
  9. Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
  10. I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
  11. What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
  12. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

  1. I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
  2. We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
  3. If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
  4. If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
  5. I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
  6. Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  7. If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
  8. I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
  9. My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
  10. I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
  11. The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
  12. It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

  1. If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
  2. The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
  3. In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
  4. I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
  5. If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
  6. When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  7. Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
  8. My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
  9. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
  10. At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
  11. Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
  12. The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
  13. ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.

Funny PunsPlease share this post:

So did these funny puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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40 funny puns and other corny jokes

FUNNY PUNSIf you’re looking for some funny puns or corny jokes then I have 40 little gems for you today, dear reader.

They may not all tickle you but I’m confident there’s enough here to put a smile on the face of even the toughest critic.

So, take a few moments, perhaps grab a coffee, and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-10):

  1. Yesterday, I got pulled over by a lady cop who asked me to get out of my car. She said, “You’re staggering!” I said, “You’re quite cute too!
  2. A man was admitted to the hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted up his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
  3. My wife said she’d really like to go to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So, I took her to Subway but she didn’t seem to appreciate the experience.
  4. If a can opener doesn’t work properly, is it a can’t opener?
  5. I’ve been writing a pun about the wind, but right now it’s just a draft.
  6. Santa has disowned one of his elves for refusing to accept the elf rules. Does that mean the elf is a rebel without a Claus?
  7. An eight-year-old girl went to the office with her father on ‘Take Your Kid to Work Day‘. As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathered round, she sobbed loudly: “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?
  8. Teacher: Now children, I want you to come up with a problem where the sum equals four. Little Johnny: I guess we’ll just have to put two and two together.
  9. My aunt is a church official who organizes parishioners’ personal information. Her job title is Nun of Your Business.
  10. My hobby is breeding racing deer, but people just accuse me of trying to make a fast buck.

Funny Puns (11-20):

  1. I said to the Librarian, “Do you have Great Expectations?” She said: “I did but, as you can see, I ended up working in a library“.
  2. The developer of Sherwin-Williams paints nearly froze on an Arctic expedition. He could have used another coat.
  3. What do you call a pig that does martial arts? A karate chop.
  4. My paper airplane won’t fly. It’s just stationery
  5. The batting coach wasn’t helping me perfect my swing, so I quit the team and struck out on my own.
  6. To save on electricity, I decided to wire the electric blanket and the toaster together. Now I keep popping out of bed.
  7. Customer:This fish is very dry.” Waiter:Yes sir, naturally, we had to take it out of the water.”
  8. Santa Claus entered the chimney, but the fire was still burning brightly in the hearth. When he came out, he was Krisp Kringle.
  9. I bought a sweater, but I had to return it because it kept picking up static electricity. However, they gave me another one, free of charge.
  10. We are going to see an Elvis impersonator. I called to get tickets and had to press one for the money and two for the show.

Funny Puns (21-30):

  1. I told the chimney sweep that I’d like to do the job on my own. He said: “Soot yourself.”
  2. You can’t have a nose 12 inches long, otherwise, it would be a foot.
  3. I have a hunch someday I will need back surgery.
  4. Five ants rented an apartment with another five ants. So, now they’re tenants.
  5. I broke down in my car on the way to a wedding in a remote town. I had to wait about ten minutes before another car appeared and I stopped it and asked for help. The guy said, “Look buddy, I’m a chiropodist, not a mechanic.” To which I replied, “Perhaps you could give me a tow then.”
  6. I must tread carefully now, as you’re probably getting tyred of car jokes. We’ve had a clutch of them recently but now I’m exhausted and it’s time to take a brake.
  7. I saw a homeless man in the city dressed like King Henry the 8th. I thought this was a little odd because surely, beggars can’t be Tudors.
  8. I’ve been told that the man who invented the Ferris Wheel never met the man who invented the Carousel. Apparently, they moved in different circles.
  9. My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Poker but I think she’s bluffing. And anyway, when the chips are down, she’ll be back.
  10. I grew up in a large family and we always had Octopus for Christmas dinner. At least, everyone got a leg.

Funny Puns (31-40):

  1. I had a job in a factory drilling holes but it was boring. So, I moved to a new job joining steel plates together and it’s riveting.
  2. I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week. I was really pleased. It was the first time that I’d ever won a game of Scrabble.
  3. At school, the bullies used to hang me up with the coats, until I suggested another kid they should target. It was a bit mean, but it got me off the hook.
  4. My wife looked surprised when I brought home 5 packets of bread dough from the local store. Apparently, we don’t need it.
  5. Apparently, the gap between the rungs on a ladder has increased because people are getting taller. Officially, this is known as climb it change.
  6. The Police phoned and said they’d recovered my stolen sofa. I thought that was nice of them because it had been looking a bit shabby.
  7. I’m walking down Main Street and this guy asks me if could I spare some change. I told him all I had was bills. “Give me one of those!” he said. So, I gave him my electricity bill.
  8. Why does Santa never have to pay for parking? It’s on the house.
  9. The marriage counsellor said that my wife had complained that I never bought her flowers. In my defence, I explained that I didn’t even know that she sold flowers.
  10. My kids said they want a cat for Christmas. We usually have turkey but I’m always willing to try something different.

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FUNNY PUNSSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of these funny puns or corny jokes make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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60 witty jokes with puns that will raise a smile or two

jokes with punsIf you enjoy witty jokes with puns in them then today’s post was written just for you, dear reader. I’ve put together 60 great puns that I hope will raise a few smiles with readers.

They all made me smile and I hope they tickle you too.

Grab a coffee and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please fee free to pass them on to your friends.

Jokes with puns (1-20):

  1. A joke isn’t a dad joke until it’s full groan.
  2. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  3. If you have any fresh vegetable puns lettuce know.
  4. I’ve just seen a baguette in the zoo. It’s bread in captivity.
  5. My friend has a dwarf cow that only gives condensed milk.
  6. I’m learning to count in binary and it’s as easy as 1 10 11.
  7. If a deaf man appears in court, is that still called a hearing?
  8. Why is it that you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
  9. I’ve been craving some oxygen and potassium. Is that OK?
  10. 50% off medieval punishment devices. Hurry whilst stocks last!
  11. Should the stealing of someone’s coffee be known as a mugging?
  12. I’m on a nut-free diet. I have to avoid people who drive me nuts.
  13. My son’s put his Grandma on speed dial. He calls it Instagran.
  14. I sympathize with batteries. I’m never included in anything either.
  15. What do we want? An end to acronyms. When do we want it? ASAP!
  16. What’s the difference between a fish and a piano? You can’t tuna fish.
  17. I’ve got a new job as a guillotine operator. I’ll beheading there shortly.
  18. Thanks to autocorrecting, I seem to be having some kind of midlife crisps.
  19. When you’re down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  20. I’m trying to think of an egg-sample of food that can be fried or boiled.

Jokes with puns (21-30):

  1. Apparently, the Wheelbuilders Association is looking for a spokesperson.
  2. Grammar’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.
  3. I’d never let my kids watch a symphony orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  4. I’m always being criticized for my poor grammar but why can’t people just except it?
  5. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
  6. My Eastern European mail-order bride is on her way from Prague. I’m told, the Czech’s in the post.
  7. My son’s been eating electrical cable, so I’ve had to ground him until he conducts himself properly.
  8. The President wants to ban pre-shredded cheese. Apparently, his aim is to make America grate again.
  9. Swarms of flying insects are threatening a town. Apparently, the police have deployed a SWAT team.
  10. My wife blocked me on Facebook because I’ve been posting too many bird puns. Well, toucan can play at that game.

 Jokes with puns (31-40):

  1. Did you know that the legendary martial artist and movie star Bruce Lee had a vegan brother? Apparently, his name was Broco Lee.
  2. Why does the Government keep referring to a “Roadmap out of lockdown” when I think it should be the “Road to de-mask-us?”
  3. I’ve been trying to think of a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it with my first try, but nobody saw it, so I guess I screwed up.
  4. There’s a story in the press about a man who assaulted his neighbour with milk and cheese. How dairy!
  5. My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Apparently, Jack and the beanstalk.
  6. I’m planning to open a fitness centre for Star Trek fans. It will be called, “It’s Life Gym.”
  7. A German butcher traded a sausage for a seabird. Apparently, he took a tern for the wurst.
  8. There are no words in the English language with all the vowels in alphabetical order, I said facetiously.
  9. Why is the divorce rate so high amongst tennis players? Well, to them love is nothing.
  10. I’ve just seen a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. It was a little condescending.

Jokes with puns (41-50):

  1. My local hospital has a sign saying, “Thieves Operate Here.” Personally, I’d prefer that to be surgeons.
  2. Don’t tell your secrets in a garden. The potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beanstalk.
  3. My geography teacher asked me what I knew about Damascus. I told her that as far as I know, it kills 99% of household germs.
  4. My child was refusing to come with me on a bike ride, so I had to use a little reverse cycology.
  5. A hole has been found in the perimeter wall surrounding the nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
  6. My wife told me that I have what it takes to light up a room, but only if I move away from the window.
  7. There are three types of people in this world. Those who can do arithmetic and those who can’t.
  8. Why do I always wear two pairs of pants when I’m playing golf? Because I always get a hole in one.
  9. I’ve just got back from my appointment with my physician. She said that I’ve got to have an earring made. Seemed like an odd thing for her to say.
  10. I confided with my father that my wife wanted me to stop living in an imaginary world. He said, “What wife?”

Jokes with puns (51-60):

  1. I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d ever been with and she said, “Yes.” Apparently, all the others had been nines and tens.
  2. If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do the other team members have to drown too?
  3. DAD: Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. DAUGHTER: What’s that got to do with anything? DAD: It’s pasture bedtime.
  4. Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and not a crossword between us.
  5. A friend of mine has taken early retirement from the Post Office. Apparently, he couldn’t refuse the package they offered.
  6. A lot of people are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.
  7. I arrive early for my booking at the restaurant last night and the manager asked me if I’d wait a little. “That’s fine,” I said. To which he responded, “That’s great! Take these drinks to Table 5.”
  8. Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me and I was like, “What the Hellman!”
  9. There was a huge fight last night at my local seafood restaurant. Apparently, there was battered fish everywhere.
  10. Everyone at Liverpool’s John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine ….. all the people.

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31 funny puns that are very cheesy but very amusing

Funny PunsDo you like funny puns, dear reader? I hope so because I’ve put together a collection of 31 of them just for you.

Personally, I love funny puns and clever wordplay. Witty one-liners like this make me smile every time. Today’s collection is no exception.

I loved them all and I hope you will too. So take a moment, relax and enjoy them.

Funny Puns (1-20):

  1. Marriage proposals are so engaging.
  2. I had a pizza joke, but it was too cheesy. 
  3. What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.
  4. The invention of the wheel really got things rolling.
  5. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? She was feline fine!
  6. What do you call a mean Egyptian ruler? Unpharaoh.
  7. Cleaning mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  8. A man was accidentally buried alive. It was a grave mistake. 
  9. I went to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but I accidentally picked 7 up.
  10. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To cross to the other side. 
  11. Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me. 
  12. Why does it cost so much to put air in tyres these days? Inflation.
  13. The invention of drones has given us a new perspective on things.
  14. Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
  15. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
  16. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  17. A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
  18. The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.
  19. I broke my finger at work today, but on the other hand, everything’s okay.
  20. Police were called to childcare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Funny Puns (21-31):

  1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
  2. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
  3. I was fired from my job at the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.
  4. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it.
  5. Two plates are sitting on a table. One says to the other, “Tonight, dinner is on me.”
  6. If Americans switched from pounds to kilos overnight, there would be mass confusion.
  7. Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.
  8. I’m managing my kleptomania pretty well. Whenever it gets bad, I take something for it.
  9. My girlfriend really changed when she became a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
  10. My girlfriend says she’s been suffering from migraines for a long time, but I think it’s all in her head.
  11. Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject? Now when you mention botox, nobody raises an eyebrow.

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29 clever puns that’ll make you smile, at least a little

Clever PunsIf you love clever puns then you’ve come to the right place, dear reader. I’ve put together a collection of 29 witty one-line puns that will make you smile, at least a little.

Certainly, they all made me smile and I’m confident that you’ll enjoy them too.

So sit back and take a few moments to enjoy them all. And then pass them on to your friends and colleagues.

Clever puns:

  1. With great reflexes comes great response-ability.
  2. What do you do with chemists when they die? Barium!
  3. How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.
  4. An expensive laxative will give you a run for your money.
  5. I have a broken barometer that I need to sell. No pressure.
  6. Nuns wear the same outfit every day. Must be a habit, I guess.
  7. I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
  8. I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s okay. He woke up!
  10. If it’s cold, stay close to others. Otherwise, you might feel a bit ice-olated.
  11. I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night. I should have put it on aloha setting.
  12. Why was it so hot in the stadium after the baseball game? All the fans left!
  13. I’m not sure if my ceiling is the best in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
  14. You’ll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone.
  15. To whoever stole my broken bathroom scales, you’ll never get a weigh with it.
  16. Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.
  17. I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
  18. Why are fish the easiest animals to weigh? Because they come with their own scales.
  19. I started a business selling yachts in my attic. Sails have gone through the roof.
  20. I wouldn’t let my children go to see the orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  21. I told my wife I felt like a deck of cards and she said she’d deal with me later.
  22. I have a weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.
  23. Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail? She got a full sentence.
  24. The Pentagon was originally going to be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners.
  25. What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up? The mean increases.
  26. I’m a perfectionist with a procrastinator complex. Someday I’m going to be awesome.
  27. My partner’s name is David, so we named our son Harley. This way he’s Harley, David’s son.
  28. I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles. My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.
  29. Did you hear about the thieves who robbed a theatre during a performance? They stole the spotlight.

Please share this post:

If you enjoyed these clever puns then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share it now. If you can do that for me I’ll be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support.

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