37 corny but funny puns to brighten your day

FUNNY PUNSDo you enjoy funny puns, dear reader? Those wordplay jokes and one-liners just make you smile, regardless of how corny they may be.

I love clever wordplay, so I’ve curated another batch in the hope that they’ll brighten your day. You might groan at one or two, but I’m confident that some of them will tickle you.

So enjoy them and please share them with your friends.

Funny Puns (1-12):

  1. He who laughs last didn’t get it.
  2. Eat doughnuts. The original hole food.
  3. Frog parking only. All others will be toad.
  4. Dental X-rays should be called tooth pics.
  5. Mountains aren’t funny. They’re hill areas.
  6. I have a chicken-proof lawn. It’s impeccable.
  7. Dogs can’t operate MRI scanners but CATscan.
  8. Due to quarantine, I’m only doing inside jokes.
  9. Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
  10. I was mugged by six dwarves today. Not Happy!
  11. What happens if you’re scared half to death, twice?
  12. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Funny Puns (13-24):

  1. I’m so terrified of elevators I take steps to avoid them.
  2. We saw a baguette in the zoo. It was bread in captivity.
  3. If you suck at playing the trumpet, that’s probably why.
  4. If I stole someone’s coffee, would I be guilty of mugging?
  5. I’m searching for fish jokes. If you have any, let minnow.
  6. Plagiarism is getting in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  7. If you’re buying smart water for $5 a bottle, it isn’t working.
  8. I’ve quit my job on the coffee plantation. Bean there, done that.
  9. My wife said the tea I made was terrible. Her criticism was brewtal.
  10. I held the door open for a clown, which I thought was a nice jester.
  11. The problem with political jokes is that sometimes they get elected.
  12. It was a terrible summer for Humpty Dumpty but he had a great fall.

Funny Puns (25-37):

  1. If you’re cold, sit in the corner, it’s 90 degrees. Now that’s acute joke.
  2. The inventor of the knock-knock joke has been awarded a no-bell prize.
  3. In the frosty field, the cows are Friesian. Stop me if you’ve herd this one.
  4. I’m having my hair done today by a Jamaican hairdresser. I’m dreading it.
  5. If a wife denies her husband his morning coffee, is that grounds for divorce.
  6. When you’re swimming in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  7. Never, ever do anything you wouldn’t want to have to explain to paramedics.
  8. My husband left me to become an astronaut. He said I didn’t give him enough space.
  9. Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
  10. At Medical School, I considered specialising in proctology until I realised it was a bum job.
  11. Restaurant diner’s in hospital, having been served horse meat. Doctor says he’s in a stable condition.
  12. The guy told me he was a wealthy businessman. Turns out he was just an electrician. I was shocked.
  13. ME: Why are all the cakes 50 cents, except that one which is a dollar? BAKER: That’s Madeira cake.

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So did these funny puns prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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33 Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up

33 Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone upWe live in difficult times and we all face so many pressures. When our friends are down we try to lift their spirits. And for that, it helps if we have a few Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up.

Well today, I’ve curated another 33 gems just for you, dear reader.

At least I think they’re gems. So I hope they’ll make you laugh too. You might mind some of them a bit too corny but a few of them might just tickle you.

Enjoy them and don’t forget to share them too.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (1-11)

  1. Nothing tops plain pizza.
  2. A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
  3. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  4. Seven days of fasting will make one weak.
  5. What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi.
  6. I tried eating a clock but it was time-consuming.
  7. I wanted to be a monk but I never got the chants.
  8. Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.
  9. I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.
  10. Dead batteries cost nothing. They’re free of charge.
  11. The girl in the middle of the tennis court is Annette.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (12-22)

  1. Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?
  2. Cemetery raises prices and blames it on the cost of living.
  3. I will start collecting highlighting pens. Mark my words.
  4. I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.
  5. My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.
  6. What does the pizza man use to cut his hair? Little Caesars.
  7. I pulled a muscle digging for gold. It was just a miner injury.
  8. What do you call a cow that can’t give milk? An udder failure.
  9. Water’s heavier than Butane because Butane is a Lighter fluid.
  10. When a wolf is taught to meditate, does it become aware wolf?
  11. I started an online bakery but I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (23-33)

  1. funny-jokes-to-cheer-someone-upLego store re-opens after lockdown. People stand in line for blocks.
  2. Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.
  3. My daughter wants to study burrowing rodents. I told her to gopher it.
  4. I’m reading a book called “Quick Money for Dummies” by Robin Banks.
  5. I wanted a career as a fisherman, but I couldn’t live on the net income.
  6. If you wear a facemask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.
  7. Beauty School student misses classes. She’s forced to make up the makeup test.
  8. If two meth-heads start a relationship are they “speed dating” or just “mething around”.
  9. My wife said she’d leave me if I made up any more puns about The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face …..
  10. DOCTOR: Nurse, what’s the status on the boy who swallowed a coin? NURSE: Still no change, Doctor.
  11. Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to find your X. She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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25 witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up

JOKES TO CHEER SOMEONE UPToday I offer you 25 witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up. If you know someone in serious need of a smile or two then some of these might just make them laugh.

So take a few minutes to enjoy them all and then pick the best ones and see if you can get a good laugh from your friends.

Even if it’s only a groan you get in return, it will probably lift peoples’ spirits, at the very least.

Jokes to cheer someone up: (1 – 12)

  1. If at first you don’t succeed then don’t try skydiving.
  2. If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
  3. I never like taking selfies of myself in the shower. The photos turn out blurry and I have selfie steam issues.
  4. You should keep your voice down in cornfields because there are so many ears.
  5. I used to be a watchmaker. I loved the job because I made my own hours.
  6. If your guy doesn’t like fresh fruit puns, let the mango.
  7. I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn’t work.
  8. Will glass coffins ever be popular? Remains to be seen.
  9. I tried the Vegan diet for a week but it was a huge miss steak.
  10. Apparently, you can’t use BEEFSTEW as a password because it’s not Stroganoff.
  11. I was listening to classical music on the television but it wasn’t to my taste. Far too much sax and violins.
  12. Did you hear about the watchmaker who became a gardener? He ended up with too much thyme on his hands.

Jokes to cheer someone up: (13 – 25)

  1. I made a movie about diarrhoea. It’s been released everywhere.
  2. Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams and Bruno Mars were all in the same bar. They didn’t planet that way.
  3. You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish. Unless you play bass, then you can play all the scales.
  4. So many people are anti-vaccination but I think they should give it a shot.
  5. I saw an advert in the newspaper for burial plots. I thought that’s the last thing I need.
  6. My girlfriend bet me $100 that I couldn’t build a car from spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
  7. I went to Mount Rushmore and I was probably the only visitor unimpressed. Perhaps I just took it for granite.
  8. Can someone recommend a better way of clearing frost from my windshield? I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
  9. My wife asked me if I’d seen the dog bowl. “I didn’t know he could!” was my reply.
  10. A man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun. I was told that he’s fully recovered now.
  11. My wife’s in hospital after eating a daffodil bulb. She’ll be out in the spring.
  12. Lance is no longer a common name but in medieval times, men were named Lance a lot.
  13. There’s a new GPS device designed for seniors. It tells you how to get where you want to go and then reminds you why you wanted to go there.

Please share this post with your friends:

quotes about changeDid you enjoy these witty puns and jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me then I will be truly grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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60 witty jokes with puns that will raise a smile or two

jokes with punsIf you enjoy witty jokes with puns in them then today’s post was written just for you, dear reader. I’ve put together 60 great puns that I hope will raise a few smiles with readers.

They all made me smile and I hope they tickle you too.

Grab a coffee and take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please fee free to pass them on to your friends.

Jokes with puns (1-20):

  1. A joke isn’t a dad joke until it’s full groan.
  2. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
  3. If you have any fresh vegetable puns lettuce know.
  4. I’ve just seen a baguette in the zoo. It’s bread in captivity.
  5. My friend has a dwarf cow that only gives condensed milk.
  6. I’m learning to count in binary and it’s as easy as 1 10 11.
  7. If a deaf man appears in court, is that still called a hearing?
  8. Why is it that you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
  9. I’ve been craving some oxygen and potassium. Is that OK?
  10. 50% off medieval punishment devices. Hurry whilst stocks last!
  11. Should the stealing of someone’s coffee be known as a mugging?
  12. I’m on a nut-free diet. I have to avoid people who drive me nuts.
  13. My son’s put his Grandma on speed dial. He calls it Instagran.
  14. I sympathize with batteries. I’m never included in anything either.
  15. What do we want? An end to acronyms. When do we want it? ASAP!
  16. What’s the difference between a fish and a piano? You can’t tuna fish.
  17. I’ve got a new job as a guillotine operator. I’ll beheading there shortly.
  18. Thanks to autocorrecting, I seem to be having some kind of midlife crisps.
  19. When you’re down by the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a Moray.
  20. I’m trying to think of an egg-sample of food that can be fried or boiled.

Jokes with puns (21-30):

  1. Apparently, the Wheelbuilders Association is looking for a spokesperson.
  2. Grammar’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.
  3. I’d never let my kids watch a symphony orchestra. There’s too much sax and violins.
  4. I’m always being criticized for my poor grammar but why can’t people just except it?
  5. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
  6. My Eastern European mail-order bride is on her way from Prague. I’m told, the Czech’s in the post.
  7. My son’s been eating electrical cable, so I’ve had to ground him until he conducts himself properly.
  8. The President wants to ban pre-shredded cheese. Apparently, his aim is to make America grate again.
  9. Swarms of flying insects are threatening a town. Apparently, the police have deployed a SWAT team.
  10. My wife blocked me on Facebook because I’ve been posting too many bird puns. Well, toucan can play at that game.

 Jokes with puns (31-40):

  1. Did you know that the legendary martial artist and movie star Bruce Lee had a vegan brother? Apparently, his name was Broco Lee.
  2. Why does the Government keep referring to a “Roadmap out of lockdown” when I think it should be the “Road to de-mask-us?”
  3. I’ve been trying to think of a carpentry pun that woodwork. I think I nailed it with my first try, but nobody saw it, so I guess I screwed up.
  4. There’s a story in the press about a man who assaulted his neighbour with milk and cheese. How dairy!
  5. My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Apparently, Jack and the beanstalk.
  6. I’m planning to open a fitness centre for Star Trek fans. It will be called, “It’s Life Gym.”
  7. A German butcher traded a sausage for a seabird. Apparently, he took a tern for the wurst.
  8. There are no words in the English language with all the vowels in alphabetical order, I said facetiously.
  9. Why is the divorce rate so high amongst tennis players? Well, to them love is nothing.
  10. I’ve just seen a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. It was a little condescending.

Jokes with puns (41-50):

  1. My local hospital has a sign saying, “Thieves Operate Here.” Personally, I’d prefer that to be surgeons.
  2. Don’t tell your secrets in a garden. The potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beanstalk.
  3. My geography teacher asked me what I knew about Damascus. I told her that as far as I know, it kills 99% of household germs.
  4. My child was refusing to come with me on a bike ride, so I had to use a little reverse cycology.
  5. A hole has been found in the perimeter wall surrounding the nudist camp. The police are looking into it.
  6. My wife told me that I have what it takes to light up a room, but only if I move away from the window.
  7. There are three types of people in this world. Those who can do arithmetic and those who can’t.
  8. Why do I always wear two pairs of pants when I’m playing golf? Because I always get a hole in one.
  9. I’ve just got back from my appointment with my physician. She said that I’ve got to have an earring made. Seemed like an odd thing for her to say.
  10. I confided with my father that my wife wanted me to stop living in an imaginary world. He said, “What wife?”

Jokes with puns (51-60):

  1. I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d ever been with and she said, “Yes.” Apparently, all the others had been nines and tens.
  2. If a synchronized swimmer drowns, do the other team members have to drown too?
  3. DAD: Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. DAUGHTER: What’s that got to do with anything? DAD: It’s pasture bedtime.
  4. Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and not a crossword between us.
  5. A friend of mine has taken early retirement from the Post Office. Apparently, he couldn’t refuse the package they offered.
  6. A lot of people are shocked when they find out what a terrible electrician I am.
  7. I arrive early for my booking at the restaurant last night and the manager asked me if I’d wait a little. “That’s fine,” I said. To which he responded, “That’s great! Take these drinks to Table 5.”
  8. Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me and I was like, “What the Hellman!”
  9. There was a huge fight last night at my local seafood restaurant. Apparently, there was battered fish everywhere.
  10. Everyone at Liverpool’s John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine ….. all the people.

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So dear reader, did you enjoy witty jokes with puns? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now and you’ll be making an old blogger very happy.

Thank you for your support.

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