I love funny one liners and over time I collect them in a journal. And when I’ve got enough I like to share them with readers. Anything that makes readers smile always results in a great reaction.
So today I offer you my latest collection, which I think are all very clever one-liners.
Unfortunately I haven’t been able to identify the original authors, so I must classify them all as Author Unknown. However I’d be happy to add acknowledgements to each individual quote where readers are able enlighten me accordingly.
So if you know who wrote them originally then please do let me know.
I’m sharing these clever one-liners with you because I am confident they’ll make you smile dear reader. Certainly they all made me smile, so I do hope you enjoy them too.
Clever One-liners:
- Education is important but other stuff is more importanter.
- Arguing with your wife is unwise. Even if you win you lose.
- I can keep secrets, of course. It’s the people I tell them to who can’t.
- Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
- When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.
- Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
- My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
- Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
- You can’t make me do what you want me to do, you’re not my cat.
- Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
- The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a couple of car payments.
- If you take away looks, money, intelligence, charm and success, there’s no difference between me and George Clooney.
- I really hate it when people ask for likes on social media. Like if you agree!
- You know you’re fat when you step on a ‘speak your weight’ scale and it says “one at a time please”.
- When I was at school 52% of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other 38%.
- My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
- I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 siblings but they didn’t know either.
- The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
- I got called pretty yesterday and it felt really good. Well the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying” but I like to focus on the positive.
- You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t return then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.
- My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
Polite request:
So did these clever one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?
Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?
If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.
And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.
It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.
Other articles you’ll find amusing:
- 15 amusing quotes by Mae West
- Very funny comedy sketch about the Expert in a meeting
- 35 one-liners about life that are guaranteed to raise a smile
- 3 funny jokes that won’t offend but will amuse
- 3 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh
- You’ll love these 4 clever and very funny international commercials
- 3 funny story jokes to make you chuckle
- 3 funny stories that make you laugh until you cry
- 15 Very Funny One-Liners by Billy Connolly
- 25 of the funniest one-liners to make you smile
- 3 hilariously funny short story jokes to prove you don’t mess with women
- 3 funny jokes you can tell your colleagues at an office party
- 3 of the funniest jokes about law and order
- 25 Funny Short Jokes to Brighten Your Day
- 3 Side-splitting Jokes about Heaven and Hell
- 10 funny jokes guaranteed to have you howling with laughter
- 5 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today
- 11 funny quotes about marriage guaranteed to make you smile
- 11 funny quotes about money to make you smile
- 15 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile
- 5 priceless jokes that will have you roaring with laughter
- 5 really funny jokes that will make you smile
- You’ll howl laughing at these 5 hilariously funny jokes
- 15 Quotes by Phyllis Diller
- Bad puns never die they just raise a laugh
- 30 of the best puns guaranteed to make you laugh
- 15 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny
- 5 rib-ticklingly funny short story jokes to make you laugh
- 5 funny short story jokes you’ll just have to share with others
- 15 funny work quotes that will certainly resonate with you
- 21 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit
- 15 funny quotes about life and they’ll definitely make you smile
- 17 cheesy jokes guaranteed to raise a smile
- 21 funny quotes you’ll absolutely love
- 15 short funny quotes that will make you smile
- 17 of the best puns ever
- 10 silly jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
- 10 hilarious jokes that will certainly make you laugh
- 21 funny one-liners that are pure gold
- 21 humorous quotes that will really tickle you
- 33 Hilarious Cheesy Pick-Up Lines
- 10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud
- 15 Witty Quotes That Will Make Anyone Smile
- Short Story Jokes: Here are 5 more to brighten your day
- 13 corny jokes that will really make you smile
- 21 brilliant one-liners that will make you smile
- 5 really funny jokes that will have you weeping with laughter
- 15 black humor jokes that will definitely make you laugh
- 21 Very Corny Jokes
- 12 of the funniest jokes
- 5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing
- Another 5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
- 5 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh
- Another 10 hilarious jokes sure to make you laugh
- 15 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile
- 8 hilariously funny jokes that’ll have you laughing out loud
- 19 Fun Quotes That Will Make You Think
- 10 Humor Quotes
- 10 jokes that will make you laugh out loud
© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.
Speak Your Mind
You must be logged in to post a comment.