15 Quotes by George Orwell

Quotes by George OrwellGeorge Orwell was the pen name of the late author Eric Arthur Blair.

As George Orwell he was and he still is widely respected as a novelist, essayist, journalist and critic.

In fact he was arguably one of the great thinkers of the twentieth century, certainly in the English-speaking world.

George Orwell’s best known novels Animal Farm and 1984 are still essential reading for anyone with aspirations of being well-read.

So here are 15 quotes by George Orwell that are I think guaranteed to make you think dear reader.

Quotes by George Orwell:

  1. Big Brother is watching you. ~George Orwell
  2. At fifty everyone has the face he deserves. ~George Orwell
  3. No one can look back on his schooldays and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy. ~George Orwell
  4. If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear. ~George Orwell
  5. In our age there is no such thing as keeping out of politics. All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia. ~George Orwell
  6. Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind. ~George Orwell
  7. Power is not a means, it is an end. One does not establish a dictatorship in order to safeguard a revolution; one makes the revolution in order to establish the dictatorship. ~George Orwell
  8. Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. ~George Orwell
  9. People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf. ~George Orwell
  10. But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought. ~George Orwell
  11. So much of left-wing thought is a kind of playing with fire by people who don’t even know that fire is hot. ~George Orwell
  12. All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting. ~George Orwell
  13. Society has always to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice. ~George Orwell
  14. Early in life I had noticed that no event is ever correctly reported in a newspaper. ~George Orwell
  15. Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence. In other words, it is war minus the shooting. ~George Orwell

Check out George Orwell’s work:

Did you find these quotes interesting?

If you’re unfamiliar with George Orwell’s work you would do well to check it out. He is one of the greatest writers of all time in my opinion.

If you would like to explore the work of George Orwell further then both Animal Farm and 1984 are well worth reading, if you’ve not read them already.

Alternatively you can explore other books by George Orwell on the Amazon website HERE.

DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that this website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links to Amazon and then make a purchase, you should know that this website will receive a small commission. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site and you’ll be helping to keep it free for every user. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed the quotes by George Orwell but don’t want to go any further then please just share these quotes with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So share this post now. And if you can do that for me then I would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Similar articles you may also enjoy:

DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that this website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links to Amazon and then make a purchase, you should know that this website will receive a small commission. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site and you’ll be helping to keep it free for every user. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx, born Julius Henry Marx, was an American comedian, writer, stage, film, radio and television star and part of the successful and immensely popular comedy act known as The Marx Brothers.

Groucho was known for his quick wit and he is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

With his siblings the Marx Brothers, Groucho Marx made 13 feature films but he also had a successful solo career in radio and television.

Here are 15 quotes by Groucho Marx which illustrate his quick wit.

Quotes by Groucho Marx:

  1. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you’ve got it made. ~Groucho Marx
  2. I intend to live forever, or die trying. ~Groucho Marx
  3. I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. ~Groucho Marx
  4. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. ~Groucho Marx
  5. Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. ~Groucho Marx
  6. No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early. ~Groucho Marx
  7. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others. ~Groucho Marx
  8. I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ~Groucho Marx
  9. Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. ~Groucho Marx
  10. I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. ~Groucho Marx
  11. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~Groucho Marx
  12. There’s one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him. If he says, yes, you know he’s a crook. ~Groucho Marx
  13. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~Groucho Marx
  14. Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me? ~Groucho Marx
  15. Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? ~Groucho Marx

Marx Brothers Movies:

Younger readers may not have experienced the joy of the comedy from Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers. Whilst it may be from to another era, it’s still extremely funny and it is worth checking out if you get the opportunity.

Actually the work of Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers is still available on Amazon. So you can check it out HERE.

Please share this post:

Did you find these quotes by Groucho Marx as interesting and amusing as you’d hoped dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

Similar articles you may also enjoy:

DISCLOSURE: Please be aware that this website is an Amazon affiliate. Should you click on any of the links to Amazon and then make a purchase, you should know that this website will receive a small commission. These commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this site and you’ll be helping to keep it free for every user. Your understanding is truly appreciated dear reader. Thank you.

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

Here is another batch of funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Once again I’ve been searching to find the best smiles I can find just to brighten your day dear reader. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to.

So sit back, relax and enjoy them all. I hope you enjoy these funny one-liners just as much as I did.

And don’t forget your friends.

If you enjoyed these smiles then your friends probably will too.

So please share this post with your friends on social media. You’ll be a hero or heroine and everyone will appreciate your thoughtfulness for sharing.

You can’t lose, so please share them now but not before you’ve enjoyed today’s smiles.

Funny one-liners guaranteed to make you smile:-

  1. Never tell your secrets in a cornfield. There are too many ears
  2. Never give up on your dreams. Stay in bed and sleep on.
  3. I used to work as an origami teacher but I hated it. There was too much paperwork.
  4. They’ve just opened a new restaurant Downtown. It’s called Karma and they don’t have a menu. You just get what you deserve.
  5. Our local farmer has started feeding his cows with birdseed. That would explain why the milk is going cheep.
  6. There’s a store on Main Street where you can get dead batteries free of charge.
  7. Why is everything delivered by ship called a cargo and yet if it’s delivered by a van it’s called a shipment?
  8. Change your password to incorrect and then if you can’t quite remember it, your computer will say your password is incorrect.
  9. My sister bet me a $1,000,000 that I couldn’t make a car using spaghetti. Her face was a picture when I drove pasta.
  10. A man delivers a load of bubble wrap. “Where do you want this he asks?” “Oh, just pop it in the corner” was the reply.
  11. A police recruit was asked during his exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He answered “Call for backup.”
  12. I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist’s gravestone. It read “He’s now filling his last cavity.
  13. Why do bees hum? Because they can never remember the words.
  14. Why are ghosts always bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
  15. What would you call someone with just a nose and no body? Nobody knows.

Please share this post:

So did these funny one-liners prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

25 rib-tickling jokes that are laugh out loud funny

Here’s another batch of short but laugh our loud funny jokes for you dear reader. I hope they give you a few minutes of pleasure to brighten your day.

Today’s laugh out loud funny jokes:

  • If I’m nobody;
  • And nobody’s perfect;
  • Then I must be perfect.
  • Why are frogs so happy?
  • They eat whatever bugs them.
  • How do you befriend a squirrel?
  • Act like a nut.
  • Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
  • Because they kept dropping their trunks.
  • What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
  • A chilly dog.
  • What do call you a row of bunnies moving backwards?
  • A receding hare line.
  • Why was the pediatrician always losing his temper?
  • Because he had little patients.
  • What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel it’s good enough?
  • Impasta syndrome.
  • Would you like to hear a joke about construction?
  • I’m still working on it.
  • I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
    He cried and gave me a big hug.
  • My wife was complaining that I never take her anywhere expensive.
  • So I said, “Come on, get in the car we’re going to the petrol station.”
  • They say 40 is the new 30
  • But try telling that to a traffic cop.
  • Relationships are like algebra.
  • You look at your X and wonder Y.
  • What did the green grape say to the purple grape!
  • BREATH!
  • What do you call a magic dog?
  • A labracadabrador.
  • You could say it was an emotional wedding.
  • Even the cake was in tears.
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
  • No eye deer.
  • A guy assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
  • How dairy.
  • My ex-wife still misses me.
  • But her aim’s improving.
  • I own a pencil once owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
  • Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
  • People didn’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
  • So I decided to raise the bar.
  • The World Tongue-Twister Champion was up before the judge in court.
  • I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.
  • I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
  • It’s a complex complex complex.
  • I hate insects puns.
  • They really bug me.
  • I’ve been trying to lose weight.
  • But it keeps finding me.

Please share this post:

So did these rib-tickling jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles you’ll find amusing:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Martin Luther King Jr

Quotes by Martin Luther King JrSynonymous with the civil rights movement in the United States, the late Martin Luther King Jr was its most visible spokesperson and leader.

He was one of the most influential figures of all time, I would argue, and his dignity and philosophy are all the more impressive given the unjust treatment people like him experienced at that time, and often still do.

Here are 15 quotes by Martin Luther King Jr which are guaranteed to make you think. Certainly they made me think. 

Quotes by Martin Luther King Jr:

  1. I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  2. He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  3. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  4. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  5. Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  6. You know, a lot of people don’t love themselves. And they go through life with deep and haunting emotional conflicts. So the length of life means that you must love yourself. And you know what loving yourself also means? It means that you’ve got to accept yourself. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  7. I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  8. The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  9. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  10. Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  11. Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  12. That old law about ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  13. One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  14. There is nothing more majestic than the determined courage of individuals willing to suffer and sacrifice for their freedom and dignity. ~Martin Luther King Jr
  15. I came to the conclusion that there is an existential moment in your life when you must decide to speak for yourself; nobody else can speak for you. ~Martin Luther King Jr

Please share this post:

Did you find these quotes by Martin Luther King Jr inspirational dear reader?

You did? I hope so.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends on social media. When you share everyone wins.

So share them now. If you can do that for me I really would be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

Similar articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

5 short inspirational quotes that’ll really make you think

Short Inspirational QuotesDon’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

On days when I don’t work I am working on maintaining my image, just like an athlete. ~Linda Evangelista

I would perceive three years at university as a waste of time. I would have made £200,000 by then. ~Lord Sugar

You have to rule the money. Don’t let the money rule you. ~Fil Adams-Mercer

Marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay interest. ~Bob Monkhouse

Please share these inspirational quotes with your friends:

If you found this article useful then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So please share now. If you do, I will be ever so grateful. Thank you.

Other articles you may also find interesting:

© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

21 common sayings and what they all mean

Proverbs are simple sayings that express an essential truth based on common sense, experience or the wisdom of the ancients.

Proverbs that describe a basic rule of conduct are particularly useful and well-worth remembering.

Today I offer you 21 thought-provoking proverbs and common sayings with an explanation as to what they all mean.

You would do well to remember some of these:-

Common sayings and what they mean:

1. Be contrary; be known

To be successful visibility matters. That means you must stand out in the crowd. And you can’t stand out in the crowd if you’re just like everyone else. You must be an original not a copy.

2. Man who chases two rabbits catches neither

Learn to keep the main thing the main thing. Focus matters if you want to be successful. Try to do too many things and you won’t do any of them very well. And if you fail to do anything well then you will not be successful.

3. Knowledge is power

Learning is a lifelong process and you should be educating yourself constantly. However there is a more important point here. When negotiating in business the more you know about the other side, their needs, the pressures their under, and what they’re willing to pay and/or concede, the more likely you are to get what you want. Never underestimate the power of information.

4. When in Rome do as the Romans do

If you want to be successful in business around the world then show some respect for other people and the way they do things. Culture is simply the way things are done around here. No one culture is better than another. They are just different that’s all. So just because something might appear odd relative to what is considered ‘normal’ in your culture doesn’t make it wrong. Embrace difference and enjoy every new cultural experience.

5. Fortune favours the brave

If you want to live life to the full then it starts outside your comfort zone. Go for the low hanging fruit and the easy tasks and you won’t grow. Fail to take any risks and you’re unlikely to experience any significant rewards either. You can only be successful if you go after what you really want and that means you must take a few risks along the way. Remember this; risk and reward go together.

6. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst

If you want to be successful then be prepared for the rain because occasionally it will rain. Hope for permanent sunshine by all means but make sure you’re ready for the days when the sun refuses to shine and you need an umbrella.

7. A picture’s worth a thousand words

To be successful being able to communicate effectively is an important skill to develop. That means you need to know how to get a message across and often the most powerful way to deliver a message and make a point is often with a picture.

8. There’s no such thing as a free lunch

Everything comes with a price tag. There will always be a cost somewhere even if it’s not immediately apparent. The cost may not be financial but there will be a cost. Make sure you know what it is and make sure you’re willing to pray the price before you agree to anything.

9. Actions speak louder than words

Talk is cheap. It’s not what you say; it’s what you do and what you deliver that will make a difference. And if you want to be successful then you will need to make a difference.

10. Practice makes perfect

Every master began as a complete beginner. Mastery is achieved by becoming a student of your craft and practising constantly until you are the best at what you do. And if you want to be successful then you will need to be amongst the best at what you do.

11. Easy come; easy go

You will only truly appreciate that which has cost you in blood, sweat and tears. Success obtained easily is difficult to sustain. Easy money is easily squandered. It’s almost like you feel you’re not entitled to it, if it all came too easy to you.

12. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

As they say in the north of England, ‘There’s brass in muck’. Meaning just because something appears to be no longer of use doesn’t mean it can’t be put to good use and can’t represent an excellent business opportunity. Old furniture can be restored. An old bicycle frame can be used in the making of some other item. Money can be made from the oddest things.

13. Familiarity breeds contempt

If your career is starting to gain traction and you’ve been promoted to management then remember this; there must always be a little bit of distance between you and the troops you manage. You cannot be too familiar with people you manage if you want their respect. Yes, take an interest in people. Yes, show them you care occasionally. However you can’t be their buddy. That doesn’t work.

14. Don’t judge a book by its cover

First impressions can be powerful and often they can be accurate too. However they’re not always accurate so it is dangerous to form an opinion based on your first impression alone.

15. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket

When it comes to money and savings, diversity is the name of the game. As you become successful, a good income should follow. Make sure you start building some capital and make sure you spread it around a bit. Put all you financial eggs in one basket and calamity could follow.

16. The squeaky wheel gets the most oil

Don’t be afraid to complain when things aren’t right. If you want something resolved be prepared to make a noise. Wait patiently and you’re unlikely to find anyone keen to help you. They’re all too busy.

17. Honesty is the best policy

The problem with telling lies is that you need to have a very good memory and it’s very easy to get caught out. Tell the truth and you don’t need to remember anything. All you have to do is say exactly what happened or what you said, et cetera. Being honest makes life easier and it also makes life less stressful.

18. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink

There is only so much you can do for people. Offer to help them by all means but if they choose not to accept your offer then just leave it there. You can’t force someone to do something nor can you force them to accept your help or advice.

19. Keep friends close and enemies closer

There’s no point in fighting with your enemy. That won’t get you very far. It’s better to adopt cordial relations to keep them close. Keep them close and you can keep an eye on them. That way you’ll know what they’re up to and know what they’re planning too. Use your head not your heart in these matters.

20. Two heads are better than one

It is a fact that when people get their heads together the results are usually much better than one person’s thinking alone. Particularly with creative work, ideas bounce off each other and as those ideas come together the results can be exceptional.

21. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you

Treat other people in the way you’d prefer them to treat you. Show them respect and you’re much more likely to get their respect. Don’t be mean with people. You wouldn’t like it and neither will they. People will respond warmly to you if you are warm and kind to them.

Please share with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post worth a little piece of your time? If so, please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

Other Articles:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

How to become a real success?

How to become a real success? That’s a question most people struggle to answer, frequently. If becoming a success was easy then everyone would be doing well.

Sadly life’s not like that, however much we would like it to be.

Success requires hard work and a determination to keep going after each and every setback, and there’ll always be setbacks for everyone. No one’s life is plain sailing all the time.

So where do we start, if success is our aim? Well let me tell you right now. It all starts with being very good at what you do.

If you’re very good at what you do then you’ll get noticed, maybe not immediately but eventually. And when you get noticed you’ll get your chance to show what you can really do.

Just keep performing consistently at a high level and people will not be able to ignore you for too long.

Really good people are hard to find. So business leaders and talent spotters are always on the lookout for genuine talent that is motivated and keen to add real value.

However merely being good at what you do is not enough in itself. You must be ready constantly to seize every opportunity to get noticed by the right people.

If you’re working hard and honing your skills, one day someone significant within your company will say to you, “Could you do this for me please?” That is the point at which opportunity is really knocking. Visibility with the right people matters.

So grab the opportunity to show them what you can really do.

If you embrace the task you’re requested to do then you’ll be on your way down that road that will lead to success, if you play your cards right.

And remember; success is a game and it’s a game you should play to win.

Remember this also; plenty of people can deliver an exceptional result occasionally. It’s the people who can do it regularly and consistently to the highest level who are really special.

With commitment and the right attitude you can be such a person

Please share this post with your friends:

If you found this article useful then please share it on social media with your friends. When you share, everyone wins.

So please share now. If you do I will be ever so grateful and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

Other articles you might also find interesting:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

8 hilariously funny jokes that’ll make you scream laughing

Hilariously Funny Jokes1. National identity:

A Scotsman, a Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman were captured while fighting in a foreign war.

Their situation is quite desperate when the leader of their captors suddenly announces, “As enemies of our people, you will all be shot by firing squad. You’ll each be shot in turn. However we’re civilised people, so first you’ll each be allowed a final request.

The Scotsman says quickly, “I’d like to hear ‘Flower of Scotland’ played by the Band of the Scots Guards, to remind me of happy days in bonny Scotland.” He then shouts, “Scotland forever!

The Welshman says, “Well I’d like to hear ‘Men of Harlech’ sung by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir to remind me of the green, green grass of home and those happy times when I lived in the Valleys.” He then shouts, “God bless the Land of my Fathers!

The Irishman, not to be outdone, says, “For me I want to hear ‘Danny Boy’ just one more time to remind me of the auld country. I want it sung in the style of Daniel O’Donnell.” Then, taking his lead from his Celtic cousins he shouts, “Éirinn go Brách.

The leader of their captors then looks at the Englishman who’s remained very quiet up to this point. “So Englishman, what’s your request?” he says.

The Englishman responds, “I’d like to be shot first.

2. Nun outside a Dublin bar:

A guy is walking into a Dublin bar and standing right outside the door is a nun.

Top of the morning to you sister!” says the guy with a smile.

The nun looks at him sternly and says, “Before you enter this den of iniquity please think about your mother and your father.

But sister, my poor mother and father have long since passed away sadly. They’re with the angels now” the guy responds.

Then think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain” says the nun.

Sister, what are you talking about? Have you ever had a drink?” asks the guy.

No! Certainly not!” says the nun.

Then in the name of God sister, how can you say it damages the brain if you’ve never actually had a drink?” asks the guy.

The guy thinks for a minute and then he says, “Listen sister, I’ll tell you what. I’ll go in and get you a drink, you can try it and if you don’t like it then you can talk about it. But you can’t talk about something you’ve never even experienced.

The nun says, “Alright, I’ll try a drink.

The guy then says, “So, what’ll you have then?

I don’t know”, says the nun “What do ladies generally drink?

The guy says, “All the ones I know like a glass of gin.

The nun smiles and says, “Alright, I’ll have a gin but get it in a cup so no one will notice.”

So the guy goes into the bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a pint of Guinness please bartender and a large gin. But can you put the gin in a cup.

The barman smiles at him and says, “Jeez, is that feckin’ nun hanging around outside again.

hilariously funny jokes3. Life in Hell:

John did his best to lead a good and honest life but sadly, on his passing, he’s allocated a place in Hell.

John arrives at the gates of Hell, a little disappointed and he’s looking fairly despondent when another man walks up to him and says, “Hello I’m Jim, you’re looking a little glum.

To which John replies, “Well, I thought I’d be enjoying a place in heaven right now but nothing ever works out like you think it will, does it?

Seeing John’s not very happy, Jim tries to cheer him up. “Listen buddy, Hell isn’t so bad really.

John says, “Really?

Yeah, really”, says Jim. “Hey, do like beer?

Yes I love beer”, John responds.

Then you’ll love Fridays here in Hell. Every Friday is beer day. We drink gallons and gallons of beer all day long. There’s no limit, you can drink as much as you like”, says Jim.

Doesn’t that make you sick and give you a terrible hangover?” asks John

No! We’re dead! It has no effect on us”, says Jim. “Hey, do you like drugs?

Well, I did smoke a little Mary Jane in my College days”, says John.

Then you’ll love Saturdays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Saturday we smoke marijuana all day long. We smoke doobies as big as submarines. It’s fantastic.

Doesn’t that make you sick?” asks John

No! We’re dead! It has no effect on us”, says Jim. “Do you like food?

Sure, who doesn’t like food? I love food,” says John.

Then you’re going to love Sundays here in Hell”, says Jim. “Every Sunday they roast Ox; a whole one for each of us. We stuff ourselves with roast Ox and all the trimmings all day long. In Hell we do everything to excess and doing everything to excess is mandatory here. We’re dead, so no worries.

Wow!” says John. “Hell actually sounds like a really fun place.

It does, doesn’t it?” Jim responds.

Hey, are you Gay?” Jim then asks.

No”, says John “I love sex with women.

Jim frowns and says, “Hmm, in that case you’ll hate Mondays.

4. Unrealistic expectations:

A recent engineering graduate is having an interview for his first job with a big technology company.

The young graduate is fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and he’s clearly very impressed with himself.

As the interview is nearing an end the Human Resources officer asks him, “So John, what are your expectations in terms of a starting salary?

The young graduate replies, “Well I’d be looking for something in the region of $125,000 a year. However the exact figure I’d accept would depend on the benefits package.

His interviewer smiles and says, “Well John, what would you say to 5 weeks annual vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental cover, the company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, plus a company car, say a Ford Mustang GT?

The young graduate engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?

The HR officer replies, “Yes of course I am John, but you started it.

hilariously funny jokes5. Bus full of ugly people:

A bus full of ugly people is involved in a head on collision with a truck and all the passengers are killed.

They all arrive in heaven and, feeling sorry for them, God decides they can each have one wish.

A woman is the first person and she says, “I want to be gorgeous.

So God snaps his fingers and suddenly she is stunningly attractive.

A man is next and he makes a similar request. “I want to be handsome” he says.

This goes on with each passenger in turn essentially making the same request. They all want to be irresistibly good looking.

With a number of passengers yet to express their wish, God notices that the last man in the line who has also yet to make a request is laughing hysterically.

By the time God gets to the last few people, the last man in the line is laughing uncontrollably and he’s rolling around on the ground.

When it comes to his turn the man laughs some more and then says, “I wish they’re all ugly again.

Moral of the story: In any group there’s always one person hell bent on making life difficult for everyone else.

6. The warrior and the old man:

A fleeing warrior is lost in the desert and he’s in desperate need of water.

Suddenly he sees what he thinks is a stall far off in the distance.

Hoping he might find water there, he hurries towards the stall only to find a little old man selling ties.

The warrior asks, “Do you have any water?

The old replies, “No I don’t have any water. Would you like to buy a tie? They’re only $5.

The warrior is irritated by his response and says, “No! I don’t need an over-priced tie right now. I need water! You realize I’m armed? I could kill you. However I must find water first.

Alright” says the old man, “It doesn’t matter to me that you don’t want to buy a tie and that you don’t like me. I will show you that I’m the bigger person. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant, owned by my brother. It will have all the ice cold water you need. God be with you“.

Muttering, the warrior staggers off over the hill.

Several hours later he staggers back, almost dead.

Your brother won’t let me in without a tie.

7. The magic trick:

Two broke and hungry friends, Bill and George walk into a pastry shop in Manhattan.

As the baker’s back is turned, Bill grabs three cookies quickly and stuffs them in his trouser pocket with lightning speed.

The baker’s back is still turned, so he doesn’t notice.

Bill smiles at George, winks his eye and says, “Did you see that? Did you see how clever I was there? You’ll never beat that will you?

Really? You think so? Watch this.” George replies.

He then says to the baker, “If you’ll give me a cookie, I’ll show you a magic trick. And I promise you, you’ll be impressed.

So the baker hands him a cookie which George then eats.

Then George says to the baker: “I’ll need another cookie from you for my magic trick to work.

The baker is a bit suspicious but he gives George another cookie. Once again he eats the cookie.

Then George says, “I’m really sorry but I’ll need one more cookie if this trick is to work.

The baker is really not amused by now and he says, “Is this some kind of joke?

George assures him the trick is genuine and all will be revealed after the next Cookie. So the baker gives him another cookie which George promptly eats, once again.

The baker is starting to get mad and he yells, “So where’s the magic?

George points at Bill and then says: “You’ll find three cookies in this guy’s pocket. That’s magic!

8. A woman golfing:

A woman is out golfing. Playing off the first tee, she’s not quite got her swing right and she slices the ball on her first attempt and watches it disappear deep into the woods.

Not a great start she thinks. So she trudges off looking for her ball.

As she’s scratching around in the woods she can’t find her ball but she does find a frog stuck in a trap.

The frog is relieved to have finally been discovered, having been stuck there for quite some time. So the frog says to the woman, “Lady, if you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.

Now who wouldn’t want three wishes? So the woman immediately frees the frog.

The frog is grateful but then says, “Lady, thank you. I appreciate your help. However I failed to mention that there will be a condition to your wishes.

A little puzzled, the woman asks, “And what’s that?

Well” says the frog, “Whatever you wish for, your husband will also receive but multiplied by a factor of ten!

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s fine.

Then for her first wish she says, “I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog smiles but warns her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world? He will be an Adonis and no woman will be able to resist his charms.

The woman thinks for a minute and then says, “That’s alright, because I will be the most beautiful woman in the world, so he will only have eyes for me.

With that there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is immediately transformed into the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog then says, “And for your second wish? What would you like?

For her second wish the woman says, “I want to be the richest woman in the world.

Once again the frog feels compelled to issue a warning. “Lady, this will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.

The woman says, “That’s fine. We’re married, so what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.

Once again there is a ‘Poof’ sound and the woman is suddenly the richest woman in the world.

The frog then says, “Right, it’s now time for your final wish. What will it be?

The woman replies, “I’d like a mild heart attack.

Moral of the story: Women are clever. So don’t mess with them.

Attention Female Readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue to feel good.

 

Male Readers: Please scroll down.

 

 

 

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: And ladies if you’re still reading this, it only goes to show that women never listen to men.

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these hilariously funny jokes amusing dear reader.

However perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these witty quotes with all  your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

15 Quotes by Yogi Berra

Yogi Berra was a man with a memorable turn of phrase. He had his own unique way of making a point. Today I offer you 15 quotes by Yogi Berra to illustrate my point.

Born Lorenzo Pietro Berra to Italian immigrants, Yogi Berra was an American professional baseball player.

He was a catcher, who later took on the roles of manager and coach.

He played 19 seasons in Major League Baseball, all but the last for the New York Yankees.

If you’re looking for memorable quotes to use in a presentation then quotes by Yogi Berra would be an excellent choice I think.

They always nail an underlying point whilst being concise and memorable.

Read on and see if you agree with me.

Quotes by Yogi Berra:

  1. It ain’t over till it’s over. ~Yogi Berra
  2. A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. ~Yogi Berra
  3. You can observe a lot by watching. ~Yogi Berra
  4. The future ain’t what it used to be. ~Yogi Berra
  5. It’s like deja-vu, all over again. ~Yogi Berra
  6. When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it. ~Yogi Berra
  7. You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you. ~Yogi Berra
  8. If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be. ~Yogi Berra
  9. Even Napoleon had his Watergate. ~Yogi Berra
  10. There are some people who, if they don’t already know, you can’t tell ’em. ~Yogi Berra
  11. If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else. ~Yogi Berra
  12. In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. ~Yogi Berra
  13. Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. ~Yogi Berra
  14. I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did. ~Yogi Berra
  15. I tell the kids, somebody’s gotta win, somebody’s gotta lose. Just don’t fight about it. Just try to get better. ~Yogi Berra

Please share this post on social media:

Did you find these quotes by Yogi Berra as interesting and inspirational as you’d hoped dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

Similar articles you may enjoy:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.