Influencers Archives

15 Quotes by Mark Twain

03/02/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Samuel Langhorne Clemens is remembered by us all as Mark Twain, his pen name.

He was one of the greatest American writer’s as well as being a humourist, entrepreneur, publisher and lecturer.

In short he was a major talent and much of what he had to say is worthy of our attention.

So here are 15 quotes by Mark Twain to emphasise my point.

Quotes by Mark Twain:

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. ~Mark Twain
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~Mark Twain
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. ~Mark Twain
A person who won’t read has no advantage over one who can’t read. ~Mark Twain
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. ~Mark Twain
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others. ~Mark Twain
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. ~Mark Twain
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. ~Mark Twain
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. ~Mark Twain
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. ~Mark Twain
I never let schooling interfere with my education. ~Mark Twain

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15 Quotes by Omar Khayyam

02/28/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Omar Khayyam was a Persian mathematician, astronomer, poet and philosopher.

He was born in what is now Iran in the year 1048 and he was widely respected by his contemporaries and succeeding generations.

In fact his work is still widely respected today and arguably he remains one of the most important cultural figures in Middle Eastern history.

Here are 15 quotes by Omar Khayyam which I think reflect his philosophy.

Quotes by Omar Khayyam:

Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life. ~Omar Khayyam
My friend, let’s not think of tomorrow but let’s enjoy this fleeting moment of life. ~Omar Khayyam
Dead yesterdays and unborn tomorrows, why fret about it, if today be sweet? ~Omar Khayyam
I have not asked for life but I try to accept whatever life brings without surprise and I shall depart again without having questioned anyone about my strange stay here on earth. ~Omar Khayyam
The value of three things is justly appreciated by all classes of men: youth by the old; health by the diseased; and wealth by the needy. ~Omar Khayyam
When I want to understand what is happening today or try to decide what will happen tomorrow, I look back. ~Omar Khayyam
A hair divides what is false and true. ~Omar Khayyam
As far as you can avoid it, do not give grief to anyone. Never inflict your rage on another. If you hope for eternal rest, feel the pain yourself; but don’t hurt others. ~Omar Khayyam
Realise this: one day your soul will depart from your body and you will
be drawn behind the curtain that floats between us and the unknown. While you wait for that moment, be happy, because you don’t know where you came from and you don’t know where you will be going. ~Omar Khayyam
Give me a flagon of red wine, a book of verses, a loaf of bread, and a little idleness. If with such store I might sit by thy dear side in some lonely place, I should deem myself happier than a king in his kingdom. ~Omar Khayyam
The moving finger writes, and having written moves on. Nor all thy piety nor all thy wit, can cancel half a line of it. ~Omar Khayyam
It’s too bad if a heart lacks fire and is deprived of the light of a heart ablaze. The day on which you are without passionate love is the most wasted day of your life. ~Omar Khayyam
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. ~Omar Khayyam
To be free of belief and unbelief is my religion. ~Omar Khayyam
There was a door to which I found no key: There was the veil through which I might not see. ~Omar Khayyam

Explore the work of Omar Khayyam:

If you found these quotes interesting and you’d like to explore the work of Omar Khayyam further then try his classic collection of poems known as The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyam.

You can explore this classic collection on Amazon if you CLICK HERE.

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21 thought-provoking quotes about losing a loved one

02/25/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

When you lose a loved one, it’s one of the toughest things to deal with in life.

Suddenly you have someone so dear wrenched from your life and you know you will never see or speak to them again. It’s very hard.

What you’d give to sit with them one more time and tell them how much they meant to you.

If only you could have a laugh with them once again and share a drink or a meal.

How you’d love to talk with them about happy times and the absurd things in life that drive you nuts. To share your troubles with that special person who was always there with a supportive ear.

If you’ve yet to lose a loved one you cannot appreciate how it feels.

However readers who’ve experienced such loss will know exactly what I mean.

And one day, every reader will know how it feels. For loss touches us all at some point in our lives.

Here are 21 thought-provoking quotes about losing a loved one to help you reflect on life’s greatest challenge.

If you’ve lost a loved one then remember this; if you close your eyes and think of them then they’ll always be there in your mind’s eye.

Their physical presence may not be with you anymore but their spirit will live on and their memory will be forever in your heart.

For as long as you remember them they can never be truly gone.

Quotes about losing a loved one:

A man is not dead while his name is still spoken. ~Terry Pratchett
Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream. ~Euripides
Death is never easy when you know the people doing the dying. ~Oliver North
If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it. ~Lemony Snicket
Say not in grief he is no more, but live in thankfulness that he was. ~Hebrew Proverb
Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life. ~Anne Roiphe
My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but I shall go on living. ~Pablo Neruda
Lucky is the spouse who dies first, who never has to know what survivors endure. ~Sue Grafton
You don’t know how easy death is. It’s like a door. A person simply walks through it, and she’s lost to you forever. ~Eloisa James
It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them. ~Author Unknown
The song has ended but the melody lingers on. ~Irving Berlin
If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again. ~Author Unknown
But she wasn’t around, and that’s the thing when your parents die, you feel like instead of going in to every fight with backup, you are going into every fight alone. ~Mitch Albom
Losing people you love affects you. It is buried inside of you and becomes this big, deep hole of ache. It doesn’t magically go away, even when you stop officially mourning. ~Carrie Jones
The weird, weird thing about devastating loss is that life actually goes on. When you’re faced with a tragedy, a loss so huge that you have no idea how you can live through it, somehow, the world keeps turning, the seconds keep ticking. ~James Patterson
We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world; the company of those who have known suffering. ~Helen Keller
It is the capacity to feel consuming grief and pain and despair that also allows me to embrace love and joy and beauty with my whole heart. I must let it all in. ~Anna White
The few certainties in our existences are pain, death and bereavement. ~Jane Wilson-Howarth
I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss. ~Rita Mae Brown
We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don’t deny it, don’t be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there. ~Harold Kushner
I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. ~Leo Buscaglia

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15 Quotes by Dr Seuss

02/22/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known by his pen name Doctor Seuss, was an American author, political cartoonist, poet, animator, book publisher, and artist, famous for authoring more than 60 children’s books.

Through his work, he left the world his indelible spirit imprinted on the pages of his many famous books.

His wisdom and humor remains timeless and it is beloved by children all over the world. Dr Seuss’s work is unlikely to be forgotten and it’ll continue to capture readers’ imagination for generations to come.

Here are 15 quotes by Dr Seuss that are an inspiration for everyone.

Quotes by Dr Seuss:

Only you can control your future. ~Dr Seuss
Take every chance. Drop every fear. ~Dr Seuss
A person’s a person, no matter how small. ~Dr Seuss
Why fit in when you were born to stand out? ~Dr Seuss
You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut. ~Dr Seuss
If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good. ~Dr Seuss
It’s not about what it is; it’s about what it can become. ~Dr Seuss
Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered. ~Dr Seuss
To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world. ~Dr Seuss
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street. ~Dr Seuss
Sometimes you’ll never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory. ~Dr Seuss
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not. ~Dr Seuss
You’re off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way! ~Dr Seuss
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go. ~Dr Seuss
Life’s too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don’t and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. ~Dr Seuss

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15 Quotes by Whoopi Goldberg

02/13/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Born Caryn Elaine Johnson, Whoopi Goldberg is a leading American actor, comedian, author, and television host.

She’s been one of America’s leading stars for over 30 years and has been nominated for 13 Emmy Awards for her work in television.

She’s also one of the few entertainers to have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar and a Tony Award.

Whoopi Goldberg was the second black woman in the history of the Academy Awards to win an acting Oscar.

By any measure she’s been successful and it’s always worth listening to successful people.

So here are 15 quotes by Whoopi Goldberg which I think are interesting.

Quotes by Whoopi Goldberg:

Sometimes experience trumps assumption. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I am where I am because I believe in all possibilities. ~Whoopi Goldberg
It never occurs to me that there are things I can’t do. ~Whoopi Goldberg
If you don’t look out for others, who will look out for you? ~Whoopi Goldberg
Everything for me is visual. That’s just how my head works. ~Whoopi Goldberg
Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine. ~Whoopi Goldberg
You have to believe in yourself in spite of what other people believe. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I don’t think in terms of failure. I don’t feel like anyone outside of me should be setting limitations. People should be encouraged to shoot for the moon. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I don’t believe that there is any good career move or bad career move. I believe there are only the things that make me happy. ~Whoopi Goldberg
If you can handle the fact that people are going to be mad at you when you do what you think is right, you’ll be alright. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I’ve learned to take time for myself and to treat myself with a great deal of love and respect, because I like me. I think I’m kind of cool. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I am the American Dream. I am the epitome of what the American Dream basically said. It said you could come from anywhere and be anything you want in this country. That’s exactly what I’ve done. ~Whoopi Goldberg
Most of all, I dislike this idea nowadays that if you’re a black person in America, then you must be called African-American. Listen, I’ve visited Africa and I’ve got news for everyone: I’m not an African. ~Whoopi Goldberg
I fear waking up one morning and finding out my life was all for nothing. We’re here for a reason. I believe a bit of the reason is to throw little torches out to lead people through the dark. When you’re kind to someone in trouble, you hope they remember and are kind to someone else and so on. Soon it will be like a wildfire. ~Whoopi Goldberg
When I was a kid they didn’t call it dyslexia. They called it you know, you were slow, or you were retarded, or whatever. What you can never change is the effect that the words ‘dumb’ and ‘stupid’ have on young people. I knew I wasn’t stupid, and I knew I wasn’t dumb. My mother told me that. If you read to me, I could tell you everything that you read. They didn’t know what it was. They knew I wasn’t lazy, but what was it? ~Whoopi Goldberg

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15 Quotes by Bob Newhart

02/12/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

There are many fine comedians and many of the finest are American in my opinion.

And I think one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s certainly made me laugh out loud, many times.

Many years ago I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart and from that moment on I was absolutely hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation, I’m sitting in my car waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly on my car radio they play the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It really was that funny.

If you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon.

However before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humor, some reflect his sense of the absurd and some are just thought-provoking.

Quotes by Bob Newhart:

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humor. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means ‘put down’. ~Bob Newhart
People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
I don’t know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

If you’re not familiar with Bob Newhart’s work then I can strongly recommend you listen to the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. I can also recommend The Button-Down Mind Strikes Back!

These audio recordings are both funny and well worth your time. Well worth buying your own copies too. I think so anyway.

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21 funny quotes about age certain to amuse you

02/09/2019 by Roy Sutton

Does getting older bother you dear reader?

If you’re like me then it might just bother you a little bit.

The years go by so quickly, don’t they? Life goes by in the blink of an eye.

We all want to make the most of our time of course. However life usually gets in the way.

When we’re young, we have time and energy but no money and few skills.

As we get older, we have the demands of work and family eating up the time we have. And whilst we have some money, it mostly goes on paying bills.

Then in old age we have money if we’ve been lucky and we have fewer demands on our time but we have no energy and our bodies start to let us down.

Life can be like a cruel joke at times. However done right, life can be fun too. Well I think so anyway.

Live life whilst you can and don’t put anything off until someday because someday never comes. If you want to do it, do it now.

Here are 21 funny quotes about age certain to amuse you and certain to get you thinking about life too.

Funny quotes about age:

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
At my age “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for. ~Author Unknown
I don’t do drink or drugs. At my age I get the same effect just standing up too fast. ~Author Unknown
Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. ~Luis Buñuel
Where does it say we have to act our age? As long as it makes me happy and I’m not hurting anyone, I will act whatever age I want to. ~Author Unknown
Middle age is when a guy starts turning off lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. ~Eli Cass
I don’t let my age define me but the side-effects are getting harder to ignore. ~Author Unknown
Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late. ~Benjamin Franklin
Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you. ~Ogden Nash
Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. ~Victor Hugo
No one is so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. ~George Bernard Shaw
Age is not how old you are but how many years of fun you’ve had. ~Matt Maldre
I’ve reached the age where my brain went from “You probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s see what happens.” ~Author Unknown
Don’t let ageing get you down. It’s too hard to get back up. ~John Wagner
Age is just a number that changes depending on who’s asking. ~Author Unknown
Old age is always ten years older than me. ~Author Unknown
Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again. ~Author Unknown
At my age I’ve heard it all; I’ve seen it all; and I’ve done it all. I just can’t remember it all. ~Author Unknown
Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional. ~Walt Disney

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5 short jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing

02/08/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

1. The Brown Bear:

Two friends, Bill and George were out hiking in the Katmai National Park in Alaska when suddenly they see a brown bear ambling along in their direction.

Bill immediately takes out a pair of running shoes from his backpack and then sits down to replace his heavy hiking books with his Nikes.

George is puzzled by Bill’s actions, so naturally he asks, “Bill why are you putting on your running shoes right now?”

“George you don’t seriously think I’m going to hang around until we’re spotted by that bear, do you?” Bill responds.

“Bill, don’t be ridiculous,” said George “you’ll never outrun a brown bear.”

“I don’t have to outrun the bear,” Bill responded “I only have to outrun you!”

With that Bill disappeared into the distance shouting back as he went, “Good luck with that bear George.”

Moral of the Story: When it’s you or the other guy, make sure it’s not you.

2. The Efficiency Expert:

I took my wife to a fancy restaurant in Manhattan called The Lemon Tree.

As the waiter was taking our order I noticed he had a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange but initially I ignored it.

However when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I couldn’t help noticing that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

And then as I gazed around the restaurant I could see that all the staff had spoons in their shirt pockets.

So when the waiter came back to serve the soup naturally I enquired, “Why is every member of staff here carrying a spoon?”

“Well,” said the waiter, “the restaurant’s owner hired consultants from McKinsey to improve our processes. After several weeks of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. They calculated that there was a drop frequency of approximately three spoons per table per hour.”

“Are you serious?” I felt compelled to ask.

“Yes sir!” said the waiter. “They concluded that if our people are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”

As luck would have it at this point I managed to drop my spoon and he replaced it with the spare from his pocket immediately.

He then explained, “I’ll simply get another spoon when I next go to the kitchen, rather than making a special trip there right now.”

Such efficiency was impressive.

I then noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.

Looking around, I could see that all of the other waiters had the same string hanging from their flies too.

Puzzled by this I asked the waiter, “Why do you all have string hanging from the fly in your trousers?”

“Oh!” he said, lowering his voice, “The McKinsey consultants concluded that this will help us save time when we have to visit the restroom during a shift.”

“How so?” I enquired.

“Well,” he said, “by tying this string to the tip of our ‘you-know-what’, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This shortens the time spent in the restroom by 39% they think.”

“Wow!” I said. “But how do you put it back in your trousers once you’ve finished?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”

3. The Counterfeiters:

A couple of small time counterfeiters, Jack and Earl had managed to get hold of a small stock of the actual paper used for printing American currency. This was a genuine stroke of luck and they intended to make the most of it. So they set about printing some twenty dollar bills.

However they’d been drinking heavily beforehand and their attention to the job wasn’t all that it should have been. Nevertheless they printed off their counterfeit currency and then staggered off to bed.

The following morning when they’d sobered up they looked at their previous night’s work and suddenly realized they’d printed $18 dollar bills by mistake.

“Oh, no!” said Jack. “We’ve used all the paper, so we can’t print them off again, can we?”

“No problem,” said Earl. “All we need to do is find some little hick town in the hills somewhere and go into a store and ask some inbred to change them for lower denomination notes.”

“Do you think that will work?” said Jack.

“Sure!” said Earl “And I know just the place.”

So Jack and Earl got in their car with all the counterfeit currency and headed for a little hick town in NowheresVille.

Eventually they came to a tiny little town deep in the hills which had just one single store. So they stopped and entered the store.

Jack handed one of the counterfeit $18 bills to the guy behind the counter and politely asked, “Hey buddy, would you mind changing this for some lower denomination notes please? If you could, that would be appreciated.“

The clerk looked at the $18 bill, smiled and said, “Sure, no problem. What’s your preference, two nines or three sixes?“

4. The Thoughtful Husband:

Sometime after Stephen had died his widow, Alice was finally able to speak about what a wonderful and thoughtful man her late husband had been.

“Stephen thought of everything“, she told her friend Mabel. “You know, just before he died, Stephen called me to his bedside and he handed me three envelopes.“

“Really?” said Mabel. “And what did he say?”

“He said, Alice I have put my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I’ve instructed. Then I can rest in peace,” Alice responded.

“So, what was in the envelopes?” Mabel enquired.

“In the first envelope there was $5,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such thick padding in the lining that I know Stephen is resting very comfortably.” Alice responded.

“Really?” said Mabel.

“Yes” said Alice, “And in the second envelope there was $10,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I arranged a very dignified funeral for Stephen, attended by all his friends and family.”

“So what was in the third envelope?” asked Mabel.

“The third envelope contained $50,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this to buy a suitable stone so I’m remembered’.” Alice responded.

At this point, she held up her hand to Mabel and pointed to the ten carat diamond ring on her finger.

“So Mabel,” said Alice, “do you like the stone?“

5. The Hearing Test:

Bill was concerned about his elderly wife’s hearing. So he decided to test it without telling her.

He went to the corner of the room about 15 feet away from her and said, “Honey can you hear me?“

There was no response.

So he went about 5 feet away from his wife and again said, “Honey can you hear me?“

Still he got no response.

So he leaned over the back of her chair and raised his voice, shouting in her ear, “HONEY CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

His wife put down her newspaper and turned towards him saying, “Bill, I said ‘Yes’ three times already!“

Moral of the Story: Don’t assume someone else is the source of a problem. It could be you who’s the problem.

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10 funny but stupid jokes that’ll make your children howl laughing

01/25/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

One of life’s great joys is sharing a laugh with children.

There’s nothing quite as infectious as a child laughing uncontrollably, I’m sure you’ll agree with that dear reader.

All you need is a little ammunition in the form of a book of stupid jokes and you’re well on your way to creating memories that will last a lifetime.

Just recently I stumbled upon a very funny book that works a treat with young children.

The book is Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell and I think it’s hilarious. It’s absolutely stuffed full of the sort of stupid jokes you’d find in Christmas crackers.

It contains an excellent collection of over 2,500 hilariously funny and silly jokes all guaranteed to get a child laughing.

So take a break from the smartphones and iPads and you can have hours of fun making your children laugh and showing them there’s life beyond electronic gadgets.

Each joke has a simple two line structure, poking fun at everything from addled animals to witless wizards. These are jokes that children will love and they’ll be keen to share them with their friends.

This collection of jokes will allow children to dazzle their friends, disarm their enemies and impress their teachers.

And remember; if a child has a stock of jokes to tell then they’ll always be popular with their peer group.

So I’ve got to tell you dear reader, you can’t lose with this book. It’s inexpensive and a sure-fire winner.

Allow me to offer you some examples of the wit and humour that you’ll find between the covers of Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell:-

Sample of the jokes you’ll find:

What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals

Why do cows lie down when it’s cold?
To keep each udder warm

Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angel fish

Why don’t bears wear socks?
Because they like to walk in their bear feet

What’s black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra

What’s out of bounds?
An exhausted kangaroo

Why are anteaters good workers?
Because a little aardvark never hurt anyone

Why shouldn’t you tell a pig a secret?
Because pigs are squealers

What do porcupines have that other animals don’t?
Baby porcupines

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line

The book Smarties Big Book of Stupid Jokes by Michael Powell is available from Amazon and if you’d like to take a Look Inside or purchase a copy then just CLICK HERE

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5 short inspirational quotes that’ll really make you think

01/23/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

On days when I don’t work I am working on maintaining my image, just like an athlete. ~Linda Evangelista

I would perceive three years at university as a waste of time. I would have made £200,000 by then. ~Lord Sugar

You have to rule the money. Don’t let the money rule you. ~Fil Adams-Mercer

Marriage is an investment that pays dividends if you pay interest. ~Bob Monkhouse

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