Sarcasm

The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll really make you smile

01/11/2020 by Roy Sutton

Ladies, do you ever find yourself in need of some bitchy comments?

Gentlemen, do you have need for a quiver full of little arrows to pierce even the hardest heart?

Having the right comment to respond on those occasions when you need to put someone firmly in their place?

For those occasions when you need to send out a message that says, you mess with me at your peril.

Well here are 30 great bitchy comments, all of which really made me smile.

Bitchy Comments:

You’re wearing that dress for a bet, surely?
She’s not a drinker but she certainly likes a whine.
I don’t need your drama. Go bother someone else.
Hey, balls just called. They want you to grow a pair.
I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you right now.
I’m not responsible for what my face does when you talk.
There are two things I dislike about you girl. Your face!
Yes I am crazy and you’d be unwise to mess with crazy.
Being opinionated is not the same as being informed dear.
OMG! She’s really been bit with the ugly stick, hasn’t she?
Nice dress! Where did you buy it, Dick’s Sporting Goods?
I’ve met some pricks in my time but you’re the full cactus.
I try to see the best in people but you certainly make it hard.
You’re upset with me? So what! I don’t exist just to please you.
I may have multiple personalities but none of them like you.
Oh, there’s a new man in your life. Does he still have his own hair?
If you want to lose weight girl, you could always shave your legs.
What you think of me can’t be half as bad as my opinion of you.
I’d say something complimentary about you but I’m not that dishonest.
I don’t hate you but I’d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think.
I’m as nice as the next girl until life forces me to unleash the Bitch.
You remind me of a penny. Two faced and not worth much.
I’d beat you with a hammer but you’re not worth the jail time.
You’re such a fake I’m guessing you were made in China.
I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your comprehension.
Feel free to judge me when you’re perfect. Oh, that would be never then.
No, I didn’t intend to offend you. That was just a bonus for which I’m grateful.
Don’t hate me because I’m attractive. Hate me because my boobs are bigger than yours.
Leave sarcasm to the professionals, sweetie. You’ll get hurt if you play with fire.

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30 dark sarcasm quotes you’ll love

12/11/2019 by Roy Sutton

When you want to suggest a hint of menace then having a few dark sarcasm quotes up your sleeve is always useful. People need to know that they shouldn’t mess with you. Sarcasm is a powerful way of getting that message across.

So today I offer you 30 great dark sarcasm quotes and I hope they all entertain you.

Take a few minutes to enjoy them all. I did and I’m confident you will too.

Dark sarcasm quotes:

Sarcastic? Me? Well, a little sardonic perhaps.
Surely you must be on stupid pills?
If I’m smiling that alone should scare you.
I’ve had a wonderful evening but this wasn’t it.
Zombies eat brains. So you’ll be quite safe.
Well aren’t you a little ray of pitch-black.
Keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
Am I joking or am I psychotic? You don’t want to find out.
I really need the one thing you can provide, your absence.
If it looks like I don’t care, that’s because I really don’t.
Am I free this afternoon? No, I’m very expensive.
I don’t treat people badly. I treat people accordingly.
If I cut you off then in all probability you handed me the scissors.
You’re allowed to use your brain you know. It’s not illegal just yet.
I’m a leader not a follower. Unless it’s dark, then you’re going first.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I feel like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
If you can’t say something nice, at least make it clever and devastating.
My level of sarcasm has reached the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
I don’t like making plans in case they lead to the word ‘premeditated’ being thrown around in a courtroom.
Don’t be a complete prick all your life. Take a few minutes off and give the rest of us a break.
I’m sorry. While you were talking I was struggling to figure out why you think I care.
My life’s been full of disappointments and you’ve just been added to the list.
No, I can’t help you but I can offer you a sarcastic remark.
When I said how stupid can you be it wasn’t meant to be a challenge.
No, I wouldn’t say I’m the best in the world but I’m confident I’m in the Top 1.
You should be careful if you don’t want to be offended. I can speak fluent sarcasm.
It’s one of life’s mysteries but those who whine loudest tend to be those who’ve contributed least. Why is that?
You think you’re street smart but I’m guessing that’s Sesame Street.
Oh, you were talking to me? I’m sorry I thought there was something wrong with you.

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So did enjoy these dark sarcasm quotes dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

30 Sarcastic quotes about life lessons to amuse you

12/10/2019 by Roy Sutton

Today I return to the theme of sarcasm because this theme always results in some positive feedback from readers. So here are some sarcastic quotes about life lessons many of which I’m sure will resonate with readers.

They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about life lessons:

Shhhh …… No one cares.
I may forgive but I never, ever forget.
Apology accepted but trust is denied.
I’ll try to be nicer if you’ll try to be smarter.
Some people are so poor all they have is money.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. No one else does.
There’s no need to repeat yourself, I’m ignoring you.
Let’s share. You take the grenade and I’ll take the pin.
I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot, I only exist when you need something.
I’m not heartless. I’ve just learned to use my heart less.
Everything I like is either expensive, illegal or won’t text me back.
I’m sorry for those mean, awful, accurate things I’ve just said.
You can laugh at anything, as long as it’s not happening to you.
An apple a day will keep anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
If I hurt your feelings for calling you stupid, I’m sorry but I thought you knew.
Of course I can multitask. I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time.
Common sense is like deodorant. Those most in need of it are least likely to possess it.
Life’s just like an elevator. On the way up, sometimes you have to stop to let people off.
If you had to pay me a dollar for every smart thing you said, you wouldn’t owe me a cent.
You shouldn’t worry about what I’m doing. You should worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
If someone throws a rock at you, just throw a flower back at them. But make sure it’s still in the pot.
If me living my life my way bothers you then you can always get yourself a life of your own.
No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, you won’t truly understand them until you have to go through them on your own.
People are either on your side, by your side, or in your way. So choose them wisely.
Never waste your time with people who only want you around when it fits their need.
I’ve reached the age where my brain’s gone from, “I probably shouldn’t say that” to “What the hell, let’s go for it and see what happens.”
Just when you think you know all the answers, life changes the questions.
It wasn’t an act of revenge. I was simply returning the favour.
There’s a difference between giving up and knowing when you’ve had enough.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about life lessons dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

30 Sarcastic quotes about love to make you smile

12/09/2019 by Roy Sutton

If you enjoy sarcasm and sarcastic quotes then you might just appreciate these sarcastic quotes about love. They made me smile and I hope they make you smile too.

Sarcastic quotes about love:

You’ll do.
You can’t be wise and in love.
Where there’s love there’s lies.
Nothing says “I love you” like sarcasm.
True love comes from the heart not the mouth.
Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
A relationship is a test for which you’ve never studied.
Deceiving others. That’s what the world calls a romance.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear it’s a beautiful day.
I’m no one’s backup option. Choose me or lose me. The choice is yours.
If love’s the answer then you probably didn’t understand the question.
You don’t stop loving someone. Either you always will or you never did in the first place.
Apparently if you treat people the way they treat you they’ll get offended. Who knew?
All you need is love. And an IQ low enough to believe that.
If you don’t love yourself then no one else is going to love you.
Relationships don’t die a natural death. They’re murdered by attitude.
Yes of course you were my cup of tea but now I’m drinking champagne.
No, I’m not afraid to love. My fear is in not being loved back.
Everything happens for a reason. So if I punch you in the face, remember it was for a reason.
Love maybe important to the sustaining of life but let’s get real, money and oxygen are more important.
Marriage is a legal contract through which you can annoy that one special person for the rest of your life.
Don’t worry about hurting my feelings because I can guarantee there’s no link between my self-esteem and your acceptance of me.
Hating people consumes far too much energy. So I’ll just pretend you don’t exist.
I never reach out to people if there’s little or no chance of it being reciprocated.
I don’t need anyone to hold my hand. I can put my hands in my pockets and just keep walking.
You may show me that you don’t give a s*** but I can show you that I’m much better at it.
Of all the lies I’ve heard, “I love you” is the best.
There’s a difference between somebody who wants you and somebody who would do anything you. Remember that.
Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

Please share this post with your friends:

So did enjoy these sarcastic quotes about love dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

15 funny quotes to gladden your heart

11/13/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

I’ve said is before and I’ll say it again. I love quotes. And I’m always on the lookout for great quotes, and particularly funny quotes.

Many great quotes have influenced my own personal philosophy.

Others have been really useful as a means for reinforcing messages in presentations.

And then there are those that just make me smile.

I’m referring to those funny quotes that resonate with me, whilst offering a germ truth within the underlying wit.

So here are 15 funny quotes to gladden your heart and make you smile.

Enjoy them all. Certainly I did.

Funny Quotes:

In my defence I was left unsupervised.
I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
Dear Math, Please grow up and solve your own problems, I’m tired of solving them for you.
If I won an award for laziness, I’d send someone else to pick it up.
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
The early bird can have the worm, because worms are gross and mornings are stupid.
I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
Life has no hands but it can still give you a slap in the face sometimes.
Silence is golden, unless you have kids. Then it’s just suspicious.
Having great power is wonderful, until you get the electricity bill.
I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you’d like punch in the face.
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. ~Author Unknown

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Thank you.

37 funny comebacks for dealing with rude people

11/05/2019 by Roy Sutton

The art of funny comebacks is one well worth developing.

We all have to deal with rude comments and mean and spiteful people occasionally. That’s all part of human existence.

However how often do you wish you had a suitable response ready to go to put such people firmly in their place?

If only you had a stock of funny comebacks to choose from when situations dictate?

Well here are 37 funny comebacks that you find useful when you’re faced with dealing with rude, mean or difficult people. How many of these can you work into your day?

If there are any of these funny comebacks that you particularly like then please share this post with your friends but not before you’ve enjoyed them all first.

Remember: When you share, everyone wins.

Funny Comebacks:

You know you really should buy some breath mints?
I have better things to do than listen to you.
Whoever told you to be yourself has given you bad advice.
I don’t care what everyone else says, I don’t think you’re that bad.
Stupidity’s not a crime, so you’re free to go.
I believed in evolution until I met you.
Have you ever wondered why people don’t like you?
I accept I’m not perfect but at least I’m not you.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
You always bring me so much joy, the minute you leave the room.
I don’t need a proctologist to tell me you’re an asshole.
I’m not a cactus expert but I do know a prick when I see one.
I would explain it to you but I have neither the time nor the crayons!
Sorry buddy but I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
Look, if I wanted to hear from an asshole, all I had to do was fart.
If only your dad had used a condom, the world would be a better place.
You have your entire life to be a jerk. Take a day off and give the rest of us a break.
Everyone said you were unpleasant but I didn’t believe them ……. until now.
Sorry but you’re confusing me with someone who actually cares about what you think.
Are you always such an idiot or do you just like to show off when I’m around?
I understand what you’re saying but if I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong.
Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while but you’re abusing the privilege.
Remember when I asked for your opinion? Well, me neither.
No wonder everyone talks about you behind your back.
It’s better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you’re stupid rather than open it and remove all doubt.
Mirrors don’t lie, and lucky for you, they don’t laugh either.
I don’t remember asking for your opinion.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I can see you already got one.
I’m busy, you’re ugly. Have a nice day.
Why don’t you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale.
I hope you step on a Lego in your bare feet.
You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really.
Of course I talk like an idiot. How else would you be able to understand me?
You can keep rolling your eyes if you must but you’re unlikely to find a brain back there.
I don’t know what your problem is but I’m guessing it’s hard to pronounce.
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
You sir are a human version of period cramps.

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33 examples of irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt

07/23/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

People! When they get too much, there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt.

We can’t live without people of course but they do drive us all nuts at times too, or is that just me?

Actually I love people. Well most of the time anyway.

However I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally we all need them, don’t we?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 examples of irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. I hope they make you smile. And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt:

You go girl! And please don’t come back.
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Those who laugh last think slowest.
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
It’s obvious that in your profession being stupid is not a handicap.
Look I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
Is being stupid your profession or are you simply gifted that way?
If you’re ever given the keys to the City then the City will need to change the locks.
How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel you always manage to extend the tunnel?
If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
To err is human but to blame it on others now that’s the art of politics.
I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear.
They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you I know that to be true.
You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent gaining power.
Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
My opinion offended you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper up your ass.
You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly in my experience, you lack the brains to understand it.
You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately you don’t lack the power of speech.
If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Polite request:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these examples of irony and sarcasm for subtly conveying contempt made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

30 sarcasm examples that’ll really make you smile

06/19/2019 by Roy Sutton Leave a Comment

Irony, wit and sarcastic responses are always well-received by readers.

So today I offer 30 more sarcasm examples that you can add to your ammunition stockpile. They will make you smile too.

Enjoy them all and if you have any of your own then please add them to the comments. I’d love to hear from you and I’m sure other readers would too.

Sarcasm examples:

Are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
You’ve got a face only a mother could love.
You’re about as pleasant as colonic irrigation.
Why don’t you go sit on the rough end of a pineapple?
If I appear to be disinterested that’s because I am.
I didn’t ask for your advice, so why would you assume I need it?
Dressed like that I’m guessing you’re off to a loud shirt party?
What’s the matter with you? You’ve got a face on you like a wet weekend.
Am I a bitch or just a girl who’s looking after her own interests and takes no crap from anyone? You may not like it but it works for me. So suck it up buttercup.
I appreciate you giving me this opportunity for a lengthy exchange of ideas but I’m busy. So please just go away.
I get it that life has been unfair to you and that you’re not happy but why’s that my problem?
When you say ‘ad hoc’ does that mean I can do it as necessary or were you just trying to impress me with your knowledge of Latin?
When you suggest ‘I’m just biased’ does that mean deep down you think I may actually have a point but you don’t want to admit it?
Listen buddy I can sell you a drink but I can’t offer you solutions to your problems. I’m a bartender not a psychotherapist.
You keep saying that money’s not important but I’d love to see how long you can live without it.
What have you done to your hair? It looks like it’s been cut with a knife and fork.
You know you’re old when you receive a welcome letter from AARP which serves only to remind you that you’re not quite dead yet.
It may be moderately challenging but let’s face it, it’s not rocket science is it?
That’s an interesting idea. Why don’t you put it in the Suggestion Box and I’ll be sure to ignore it.
So life was so much better back in your day? Well whoop-dee-doo. The rest of us are so pleased for you, NOT.
It was a joke. We used to tell them to each other before everyone was so easily offended.
Just because you work hard you shouldn’t assume your efforts will be appreciated. What did you expect? Applause?
You do realize that feeling that everyone’s out to get you may not just be a feeling?
Yes I received your email and I ignored it like every other message I have in my Inbox. I’ve actually got work to do.
Referring to yourself as a professional is not for me a guarantee that you’ll have any significant level of competence.
One day you’ll realize that behaving like a total dick was not a good idea and it doesn’t impress anyone.
‘Have a nice day’ is something you say but in my experience rarely is it something you mean.
You’re not old. Chronologically challenged, yes! But there’s a bit more life in you yet.
If you don’t feel that this job is worthy of your talents then you can always quit and go spend more time with your ego.
Being a perfectionist will make you the worst kind of boss in the world. On the upside it’ll also make you the best kind of sexual partner. So it’s not all bad.

Polite request:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcasm examples made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

The 30 best bitchy comments that’ll really make you smile

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