39 attitude quotes that take sarcasm to another level

Attitude Quotes

If you like attitude quotes, clever put-downs, and sarcasm, then you should enjoy this collection today.

39 sarcastic remarks to add to your quiver full of arrows. These are ammunition for use on another day when someone tries to have a go at you and needs reminding that you’re a person with whom they should not mess if they know what’s good for them.

Hopefully one or two of these might just give you a good laugh too. Enjoy them all.

Attitude quotes:

  1. I get it. Life’s a soup, and I’m a fork.
  2. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’ll be me.
  3. If I were a bird, I know who I’d shit on.
  4. Just be yourself isn’t always good advice.
  5. What doesn’t kill you can only disappoint me.
  6. The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.
  7. You look like something I drew with my left hand.
  8. If you’re the voice of reason, then we’re in trouble.
  9. If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
  10. Hey, I found your nose again. It was in my business.
  11. If only you ran like your mouth. You’d be in great shape.
  12. You’re such a treasure, why hasn’t someone buried you?
  13. You know, you have one really annoying habit. Breathing.
  14. If I was meant to be controlled, I’d have come with a remote.
  15. I have plenty of terrible ideas. Just let me know if you need any.
  16. I wasn’t being rude. I just said what everyone else was thinking.
  17. May your earholes turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders.
  18. Oh, darling, you should really go out and buy yourself a personality.
  19. I try to see the best in everyone but you’re making it really difficult.
  20. You think you know it all but clearly, you don’t know when to shut up.
  21. I’m really sorry if my sense of humour offended your total lack of one.
  22. WIFE to HUSBAND: Sure, I make terrible choices. One of them was you.
  23. I encouraged my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a big hug.
  24. I’m not one for revenge but I might arrange for you to have an accident.
  25. Putting on your makeup every day must be hard, with you having two faces.
  26. They call it a selfie because narcissist is too hard for most people to spell.
  27. I can’t help but wonder why someone hasn’t hit you in the face with a shovel yet.
  28. When you spun the wheel of attitude this morning, clearly it landed on bitch again.
  29. I’d love to help you, but I don’t even play an active role in my own life anymore.
  30. Roses are red; violets are blue; I’ve got five fingers; the middle one’s for you.
  31. Do I think you’re pretentious? You’d eat worms in a deli if they came with a French name.
  32. There’s someone for everyone, and the person for you would have to be a psychiatrist.
  33. Apart from being physically exhausted, financially challenged, overweight, and mentally unstable, everything’s going really well. Thanks.
  34. It’s not for me to question your father’s sperm count, but, seriously, were you actually the sperm that won?
  35. If I’m smiling, I’m contemplating doing something really bad. If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.
  36. I don’t have an attitude problem. You may have a problem with my attitude, but that’s not a problem for me.
  37. There are trees out there tirelessly producing oxygen, so you can breathe. I think you owe them an apology.
  38. When I was a child, my father told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. It seems, nowadays they call that identity theft.
  39. Let me stop you right there. If it involves early mornings, sweating, or dealing with people, then the answer’s No!

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