33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt

People can be challenging at times, can’t they? Sometimes they do get too much, I’m sure you’ll agree. So there are times when we all need to use a little irony and sarcasm, to subtly convey our contempt.

We can’t live without people, of course, but they can drive us all nuts at times, can’t they? Well, maybe that’s just me.

I love people. At least, most of the time, anyway.

However, I also like to have my little stock of sarcastic remarks, retorts, and put-downs ready to use when I need them. And occasionally, we all need them, surely?

So today I thought I’d share with you 33 irony and sarcasm quotes that subtly convey contempt.

Read them. Enjoy them. And I hope at least some of them make you smile.

And if you’re ever in a situation that warrants a biting comeback, then you’ll be well-prepared. I hope so anyway.

Irony and Sarcasm:

irony-and-sarcasm-quotes-1
  1. You go, girl! And please don’t come back.
  2. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
  3. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  4. Nothing gives me greater pleasure than your absence.
  5. It’s obvious that in your profession, being stupid is not a handicap.
  6. Look, I’m really busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?
  7. Is being stupid your profession, or are you simply gifted that way?
  8. If you’re ever given the keys to the city, then the city will need to change the locks.
  9. How is it that when you see light at the end of the tunnel, they always manage to extend the tunnel?
  10. If ignorance is bliss then you should be the happiest guy on the planet.
  11. To err is human but to blame it on others, now that’s the art of politics.
  12. I’d say something polite but that might encourage you to hang around and that would be more than I could bear today.
  13. They said this was a job anyone could do and now I’ve met you, I know that to be true.
  14. You’re living proof that inability is not necessarily a liability in the job market.
  15. I didn’t vote for you, I voted to stop your opponent from gaining power.
  16. Sorry for the pause but I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
  17. When you say something worth hearing I’ll listen but I doubt that’ll happen any time soon.
  18. Look I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you. You’ve got to do some of the heavy lifting yourself.
  19. Did my opinion offend you? You should hear the opinions I keep to myself.
  20. I do try to see things from your point of view but your point of view is so stupid.
  21. If what I said is a problem for you then perhaps you could write it down on a piece of paper and then shove that piece of paper right up your ass.
  22. You’re reading that book to look good, surely? Certainly, as far as I can tell, you lack the brains to understand it.
  23. You’re one of those people who manage to spread a little misery wherever you go.
  24. I’d enlighten you if I could but I’m not a magician.
  25. You’re living proof that light travels faster than sound. You appeared quite bright until I heard what you said.
  26. It wasn’t my intention to offend you when I called you stupid. I just assumed you knew that already.
  27. Are you really that stingy or do you just have extremely short arms and very deep pockets?
  28. If laughter is the best medicine then your face is the cure for every illness known to man.
  29. I’m not listening but please keep talking. Why wouldn’t I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed?
  30. Not all girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Some are made from sarcasm and wine and everything fine.
  31. You may lack the power of conversation but unfortunately, you don’t lack the power of speech.
  32. If it looked like I give a damn then allow me to apologize for giving you the wrong impression.
  33. I’m not sarcastic by nature; I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

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If any of these irony and sarcasm quotes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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31 sarcastic responses to rude people

sarcastic responses to rude peopleLooking for some sarcastic responses to rude people, dear reader?

If you’ve ever worked in the retail trade, as I have, then you’ll have been exposed to plenty of rude people in your time.

That said, just travelling on public transport these days can leave us all exposed to rude people.

Well, if you meet any, it’s always helpful to have some ammunition to respond.

So today I’ve put together 31 sarcastic responses to rude people that you might find come in useful in the weeks and months ahead. They might just make you smile too.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all and please feel free to pass them on.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (1-10):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were such an expert.
  2. Well, thanks for your input. I’ll be sure to ignore it.
  3. Oh, pardon me. I didn’t realize you made all the rules.
  4. My bad! I didn’t realize my sarcasm would be lost on you.
  5. Well, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to a genius.
  6. Excuse me, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a professional critic.
  7. Well, thank you for that germ of wisdom. I’m sure it will come in handy.
  8. Gee, I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were the only person on the planet who really matters.
  9. Wow, your rudeness is truly impressive. I’m sure it takes a lot of effort to be such a complete jerk.
  10. Thanks for your advice. It’s always nice to have an opinion from someone who thinks they’re an expert.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (11-20):

  1. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to an encyclopaedia.
  2. That’s a great point. And here’s me thinking you were just stupid.
  3. I’m sorry if I dared to have an opinion of my own. I’ll make sure to only speak when spoken to next time.
  4. I can only apologize for not being a mind reader. I’ll be sure to work on my telepathy skills before we meet again.
  5. Thank you for your valuable feedback. I’ll be sure to take it into consideration as I strive to be an even worse person.
  6. Your kind words are truly appreciated. I’ll be sure to add them to the list of reasons why I never want to interact with you again.
  7. Clearly, I should have recognised that you were in a bad mood before you took it out on me. I’ll be sure to avoid you next time.
  8. Well, I apologize if my presence offends you. I’ll be sure to stay out of your sight next time, so as not to disrupt your perfect world.
  9. Thank you for your generous gift of insults and disrespect. I’ll treasure it always and strive to be a more worthy recipient of your abuse.
  10. Oh, thank you for reminding me of my place. I’ll be sure to remember that people in jobs like mine are unworthy of kindness and respect.

Sarcastic responses to rude people (21-31):

  1. Who died and made you the boss?
  2. Goodness, I didn’t realize I was dealing with a mind reader.
  3. If only I’d known you were such an authority on this subject.
  4. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize being rude was part of the conversation.
  5. Now, that’s an interesting perspective. I’m sure it will help me grow.
  6. Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you ruled the universe and were entitled to treat others like dirt.
  7. Clearly, my mere existence is an inconvenience to you. I’ll try to be more obsequious next time we meet.
  8. I can only apologize for not meeting your high standards of perfection. I’ll try harder to be more like you in the future.
  9. Excuse me if I didn’t live up to your expectations. I’ll try to be more incompetent next time to suit your needs better.
  10. I’m sorry for not being telepathic and knowing exactly what you wanted without you having to communicate it. I’ll try to do better next time.
  11. Forgive me! I didn’t realize you were such an authority on everything. Do continue to enlighten me with your vast knowledge and excellent manners.

Please share:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic responses to rude people made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

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