50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

Sarcastic RemarksIf you admire a clever put down or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day, when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!

And of course we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoe laces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

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