15 Really Bad Jokes: So Bad They’re Funny

BAD JOKESHere are 15 really bad jokes that will make you cringe and make you smile simultaneously.

They really are so bad they’re funny. Certainly, they made me smile.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

15 Bad Jokes:

  • Cashier in store: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
  • Man in a bookstore: Where is the Self-Help section, please?
  • Saleswoman: If I told that sir it would defeat the purpose.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • In case he gets a hole in one!
  • How do you make holy water?
  • You boil the hell out of it.
  • What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
  • Nothing, they just waved.
  • Who’s the king of the classroom?
  • The Ruler!
  • What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they were married?
  • Feyoncé!
  • Why can’t zoo animals take tests?
  • There are too many cheetahs!
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award?
  • Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?
  • Someday my prints will come.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
  • Great food but no atmosphere!
  • How many apples grow on a tree?
  • All of them!
  • How do think the unthinkable?
  • With an itheberg!
  • What do you call a blind dinosaur?
  • Doyouthinkhesaurus
  • What does a clock do when it’s hungry?
  • It goes back four seconds!

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Bad JokesSo dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these really bad jokes made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face now and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post right away.

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5 short jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

SHORT JOKESLooking for some short jokes, dear reader? Well, I’ve got five really funny ones here for you today. I guarantee they’ll make you laugh.

So, grab a cup of coffee and take a few moments to relax and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Short Jokes:

1. The Brown Bear:

Two friends, Bill and George were out hiking in the Katmai National Park in Alaska when suddenly they see a brown bear ambling along in their direction.

Bill immediately takes out a pair of running shoes from his backpack and then sits down to replace his heavy hiking books with his Nikes.

George is puzzled by Bill’s actions, so naturally, he asks, “Bill why are you putting on your running shoes right now?

George, you don’t seriously think I’m going to hang around until we’re spotted by that bear, do you?” Bill responds.

Bill, don’t be ridiculous,” said George “you’ll never outrun a brown bear.

I don’t have to outrun the bear,” Bill responded “I only have to outrun you!

With that Bill disappeared into the distance shouting back as he went, “Good luck with that bear George.

Moral of the Story: When it’s you or the other guy, make sure it’s not you.

2. The Efficiency Expert:

I took my wife to a fancy restaurant in Manhattan called The Lemon Tree.

As the waiter was taking our order I noticed he had a spoon in his shirt pocket. This seemed a little strange but initially, I ignored it.

However, when the busboy brought our water and utensils, I couldn’t help noticing that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.

And then as I gazed around the restaurant I could see that all the staff had spoons in their shirt pockets.

So when the waiter came back to serve the soup naturally I enquired, “Why is every member of staff here carrying a spoon?

Well,” said the waiter, “the restaurant’s owner hired consultants from McKinsey to improve our processes. After several weeks of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. They calculated that there was a drop frequency of approximately three spoons per table per hour.

Are you serious?” I felt compelled to ask.

Yes sir!” said the waiter. “They concluded that if our people are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.

As luck would have it at this point I managed to drop my spoon and he replaced it with the spare from his pocket immediately.

He then explained, “I’ll simply get another spoon when I next go to the kitchen, rather than making a special trip there right now.

Such efficiency was impressive.

I then noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly.

Looking around, I could see that all of the other waiters had the same string hanging from their flies too.

Puzzled by this I asked the waiter, “Why do you all have a string hanging from the fly in your trousers?

Oh!” he said, lowering his voice, “The McKinsey consultants concluded that this will help us save time when we have to visit the restroom during a shift.

How so?” I inquired.

Well,” he said, “by tying this string to the tip of our ‘you-know-what’, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands. This shortens the time spent in the restroom by 39% they think.

Wow!” I said. “But how do you put it back in your trousers once you’ve finished?

Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.

3. The Counterfeiters:

SHORT JOKESA couple of small-time counterfeiters, Jack and Earl had managed to get hold of a small stock of the actual paper used for printing American currency. This was a genuine stroke of luck and they intended to make the most of it. So they set about printing some twenty-dollar bills.

However, they’d been drinking heavily beforehand and their attention to the job wasn’t all that it should have been. Nevertheless, they printed off their counterfeit currency and then staggered off to bed.

The following morning when they’d sobered up they looked at their previous night’s work and suddenly realized they’d printed $18 dollar bills by mistake.

Oh, no!” said Jack. “We’ve used all the paper, so we can’t print them off again, can we?

No problem,” said Earl. “All we need to do is find some little hick town in the hills somewhere and go into a store and ask some inbred to change them for lower denomination notes.

Do you think that will work?” said Jack.

Sure!” said Earl “And I know just the place.

So Jack and Earl got in their car with all the counterfeit currency and headed for a little hick town in NowheresVille.

Eventually, they came to a tiny little town deep in the hills with just one store. So they stopped and entered the store.

Jack handed one of the counterfeit $18 bills to the guy behind the counter and politely asked, “Hey buddy, would you mind changing this for some lower denomination notes, please? If you could, that would be appreciated.

The clerk looked at the $18 bill, smiled and said, “Sure, no problem. What’s your preference, two nines or three sixes?

4. The Thoughtful Husband:

Sometime after Stephen had died his widow, Alice was finally able to speak about what a wonderful and thoughtful man her late husband had been.

Stephen thought of everything“, she told her friend Mabel. “You know, just before he died, Stephen called me to his bedside and he handed me three envelopes.

Really?” said Mabel. “And what did he say?

He said, Alice, I have put my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I’ve instructed. Then I can rest in peace,” Alice responded.

So, what was in the envelopes?” Mabel enquired.

In the first envelope, there was $5,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket’. So I bought a beautiful mahogany casket with such thick padding in the lining that I know Stephen is resting very comfortably.” Alice responded.

Really?” said Mabel.

Yes,” said Alice, “And in the second envelope there was $10,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this for a nice funeral’. I arranged a very dignified funeral for Stephen, attended by all his friends and family.

So what was in the third envelope?” asked Mabel.

The third envelope contained $50,000 with a note which said, ‘Please use this to buy a suitable stone so I’m remembered’.” Alice responded.

At this point, she held up her hand to Mabel and pointed to the ten-carat diamond ring on her finger.

So Mabel,” said Alice, “do you like the stone?

5. The Hearing Test:

Bill was concerned about his elderly wife’s hearing. So he decided to test it without telling her.

He went to the corner of the room about 15 feet away from her and said, “Honey can you hear me?

There was no response.

So he went about 5 feet away from his wife and again said, “Honey can you hear me?

Still, he got no response.

So he leaned over the back of her chair and raised his voice, shouting in her ear, “HONEY CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

His wife put down her newspaper and turned towards him saying, “Bill, I said ‘Yes’ three times already!

Moral of the Story: Don’t assume someone else is the source of a problem. It could be you who’s the problem.

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25 brilliant short jokes to make you smile

brilliant short jokesIf you’re looking for some brilliant short jokes to make you smile, dear reader, then I have some here today that will tickle you.

So, take a few minutes and enjoy them all.

And feel free to share them with your friends.

Brilliant short jokes (1-10):

  1. What do ticks and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris-sites.
  2. l asked my boss when his birthday was. He said, “March 1st.” So, I stood up, walked around the office, and asked again.
  3. My girlfriend said she’s leaving me because I’m balding. Well, it’s hair loss.
  4. If a drummer comes out of retirement will there be repercussions?”
  5. The other day I spotted an Albino dalmatian. Well, it was the least I could do for him.
  6. It’s a 5-minute walk from my house to my local bar. However, it’s a 45-minute walk from the bar back to my house. The difference is staggering.
  7. I bought lettuce from a small grocery store called Mamas & Papas but I can’t eat it. All the leaves are brown.
  8. If I ate six bowls of alphabet soup before bed, would it result in a massive vowel movement the following morning?
  9. I said to my boss that I needed a pay rise because three other companies were after me. “Which ones?” he asked. “Electricity, Gas, and Water,” I replied.
  10. I bought a new pair of gloves today, but it turns out that they’re both ‘lefts’. On the one hand, that’s fine, but on the other, it’s not right.

Brilliant short jokes (11-20):

  1. Charles Dickens walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a martini. “Olive or twist?” said the bartender.
  2. I’ve started promoting the health benefits of eating dried grapes. Naturally, I’m raisin awareness.
  3. OMG! I’ve just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person! And here was me thinking he was just a theoretical physicist.
  4. I’ve just spent the day listening to the Doors. I really must oil the hinges.
  5. My girlfriend runs a battery kiosk at the local park. She sells C cells by the seesaw.
  6. I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out that I’d been seeing Claire Lee behind her back. At least, I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine is gone!
  7. I went to my doctor with hearing problems. He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I said, “Yes, Homer’s the fat bloke and Marge is the woman with blue hair.”
  8. Looking for an easy way to turn your sofa into a sofa bed? Try forgetting your wife’s birthday, that should do it.
  9. My wife was bitten by a radioactive owl and now she’s making all my decisions for me. It seems she has power of a tawny.
  10. I joined a Carpenter’s Class the other day, but we haven’t made anything yet. We’ve only just begun.

Brilliant short jokes (21-25):

  1. I wasn’t too happy when my doctor told me to cut down on my constant dancing, so I just grabbed my coat and waltzed right out of there.
  2. Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it’s eaten. It’s called a wedding cake.
  3. My Uncle Artie is always making funny vegetable puns. I must say, I love Artie jokes.
  4. I pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the bus, I’d say it was pretty painful.
  5. The teacher said to her math class, “If I had 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other, what would I have?” Little Johnny’s hand shot up and he said, “You’d have a drinking problem, miss.”

Please share this post:

brilliant short jokesSo dear reader, did you enjoy these brilliant short jokes? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these one-liners made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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Copyright © Mann Island Media Limited 2022. All Rights Reserved.

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