19 funny jokes to tell your friends and make them smile

Funny jokes to tell your friendsToday I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

If you can entertain people and tell a joke or two then you’ll always have friends. We all love to laugh, and people who are amusing are immediately likeable. So, if you want to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

Funny jokes to tell your friends:

  1. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.
  2. Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
  3. What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.
  4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  5. How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.
  6. Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.
  7. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.
  8. I used to work in a shoe recycling factory but it was sole destroying.
  9. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  10. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.
  11. I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.
  12. My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  13. What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.
  14. Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.
  15. A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry but we don’t serve food here.”
  16. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  17. A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.
  18. A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”
  19. WIFE: Pack your bags, I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, were these jokes as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.

3 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

Seriously funny jokesWe all need a good laugh every day. So here are 3 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. You’ll howl laughing. Take a few moments, relax, and enjoy them all.

Seriously funny jokes:

1. The storm:

Navy admiral, Jim Lorenzo, and Army general, Mike Cunningham, were fishing together on a lake when a storm blew up and their boat capsized.

Both men were left floundering helplessly in the water momentarily.

Eventually the general managed to right the boat and clamber on to it.

General Cunningham then extended an oar out to Admiral Lorenzo getting him to hang on to it, pulling him in, and thereby saving him from almost certain drowning.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he puffed, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

Don’t worry,” said General Cunningham, “your secret’s safe with me buddy. I’d hate my men to find out that I couldn’t walk on water either.”

2. Chicken in the library:

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

So the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

Once again the librarian handed the chicken another book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again. Once again it marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, then said, “Book, book, book, book.”

The librarian handed the chicken a third book but this time she decided to follow the bird.

She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond just off Main Street, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.

The chicken showed the book to the frog but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it, read it, read it.”

Seriously funny jokes3. Unhappy sergeant:

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

Soldier, this better be good,” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story, “Sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end I had to run 10 miles but I am here now.”

Sergeant Wilson was skeptical about the soldier’s explanation but at least he’d made it back to camp. The sergeant thought about it momentarily and then decided he’d let the soldier off this time.

A couple minutes later, eight more of Sergeant Wilson’s men ran up to the camp gates, panting heavily. The sergeant demanded explanations for why they were all late and each of them told the same story.

Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse but it dropped dead on me. In the end I had to run 10 miles but I am here now,” each soldier repeated in turn.

Sergeant Wilson eyed them all suspiciously but since he’d decided to be lenient with the first soldier, he decided that it would only be fair to excuse them too.

A few minutes later the tenth and final soldier came running up to the camp gates, panting heavily.

And where have you been?” snapped Sergeant Wilson.

The soldier quickly responded, “Sorry sir, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but….”

Sergeant Wilson interrupted him immediately, “Let me guess soldier. It broke down?

No, sir,” said the soldier, “There were so many dead horses in the road it took forever for the cab driver to find a way around them all.”

Seriously funny jokesIf you enjoyed these jokes, then please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time dear reader?

If any of these seriously funny jokes made you laugh then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2020. All Rights Reserved.