5 humorous story jokes to brighten your day

If you enjoy humorous story jokes then these five might just raise a smile.

They all tickled me and I hope you’ll enjoy them too, dear reader.

And please, feel free to pass them on to your friends

Humorous story jokes:

1. The lawyer:

A wealthy New York lawyer is riding home in the back of a chauffeur-driven limousine after another lucrative day in the justice system.

As the limousine begins to gather speed along Central Park West, the lawyer notices two homeless men sitting on the ground in Central Park eating the grass.

The lawyer asks his driver to pull over and he lowers down the window and shouts to the men.

“Hey, guys,” shouts the lawyer, “why are you eating the grass?”

“We have no money to buy food and we’re hungry,” the first man responds.

“You don’t have to eat in the middle of the park,” says the lawyer, benevolently. “You can come over to my place.”

“But sir, we’re not alone,” said the second man, “Those two homeless guys over there are with us.”

“That’s fine,” the lawyer responds. “Hop into my car and you can all eat at my place.”

So the homeless men all climb into the limousine and off they go to the lawyer’s house.

As the car picks up speed, the first homeless man says, “Sir, this is very kind of you.”

“Don’t mention it,” says the lawyer. “You’ll love my place, the garden’s enormous and the grass is a foot high.”

2. The police officer and the priest:

Police officer, Danny Malone, pulls over a catholic priest for driving erratically and swerving all over the road.

Officer Malone gets out of his police car and, as he approaches the window of the priest’s car, he notices what looks like a bottle of wine in a brown bag on the passenger seat next to the priest.

Suspicious that he may have a DUI violation on his hands, Officer Malone says, “Father, I pulled you over for driving erratically and swerving back there. You haven’t been drinking have you?“

“No, my son, I haven’t,” the priest responds. “Why would you ask me that?“

“Well you were swerving all over the road and struggling to control your vehicle,” says Officer Malone. “And now I can see you have a bottle on the seat next to you.“

“Oh my son,” the priest responds. “That’s just holy water.”

“So why is it in a brown bag, Father?” Officer Malone inquires.

“To protect it from the sun’s rays, my son,” the priest responds

“Really?” says Officer Malone. “Would you mind if I take a sip then, Father?”

“Not at all, my son,” the priest responds. “Go ahead.”

Officer Malone takes the bottle from the priest and puts it to his lips. He takes a little sip and immediately spits it out on the ground.

“Father, this is wine!” exclaims Officer Malone.

“Praise the Lord!” the priest responds. “He’s done it again!”

3. Think laterally:

Zak is an old farmer down on his luck.

He’s been struggling to maintain his farm on his own since his son, Jack was sent to jail.

One day Zak writes to Jack in jail to let him know he’s struggling, and he writes the following: –

Dear Jack, I just wanted to let you know that this year I won’t be able to plant potatoes in the field. I’m just getting too old now and I can’t dig the field by myself. I know if you were here, you’d help me.

Naturally, Jack doesn’t want his father to experience any more trouble, so he quickly writes a letter back to him.

Dear Dad, Please don’t even think about digging that field because that’s where I buried the money I stole from the bank.

Well, when you’re in prison the authorities read the content of your letters before they go out in the mail.

So, it’s not long before the police show up at the farm and turn over the entire field in search of the stolen money. However, they don’t find anything.

A couple of days later Zak receives another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, Now the field’s been dug over, you should be able to go ahead and plant the potatoes. That’s the best I could do to help from here.

4. The hangover:

Following a very heavy night out with his buddies, Jerry wakes up at home the following morning with the mother of all hangovers.

His head is banging and as he forces his eyes to open, he sees a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the bedside table waiting for him.

He sits up in bed, and then he notices his clothing in front of him, all clean and freshly pressed.

Jerry looks around the room and sees that everything’s in perfect order and spotlessly clean.

He wanders downstairs with the glass of water and aspirins still in his hand and he notices a note on the living room coffee table, which reads, “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.”

Jerry walks into the kitchen and sure enough, there’s a hot breakfast waiting for him, as well as the morning newspaper.

His son is sitting at the kitchen table, eating his breakfast.

“Son, do you know what happened last night?” Jerry inquires.

“Yes I do,” his son responds. “You came home after 3 a.m. You were drunk out of your mind and you could barely stand.”

“Really?” says Jerry.

“Yes, really!” said his son. “You also broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

At this point, Jerry is feeling a bit confused.

He thinks momentarily and then asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

“Oh, that?” says his son, “Well, when mom dragged you to the bedroom and tried to undress you, you just kept shouting, “Lady, leave me alone, I’m married’.”

5. Judge not lest ye be judged:

A Wall Street investment banker walks into a Manhattan bar, and as he’s standing at the counter, he notices an elderly lady sitting, quietly in the corner.

Except for this lady, the bar is full of men relaxing and enjoying a drink after a lucrative day’s trading on the financial markets.

Well, the banker’s feeling good having just closed on a major, multi-million-dollar deal that included a sizeable commission for him.

So, he says to the bartender, “Buddy, I’m buying drinks for everyone, except that old woman over there.”

The bartender looks a little uncomfortable with this blatant sexism, but business is business, so he takes the banker’s money and proceeds to serve the drinks.

The banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker, so he immediately orders another round of drinks for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks a little uncomfortable, but the drinks are served, and the banker’s money is gratefully taken.

Once again, the banker looks across at the woman and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

This just irritates the banker even more, so after a few minutes he orders yet another round of drinks as well as food for everyone, except the elderly lady.

Again, the bartender looks uncomfortable, but the drinks and the food are served and the banker’s money is taken.

Thinking now he must have made his point, the banker looks across at the woman again and raises his glass with a smirk on his face. However, again, she just smiles and says graciously, “Thank you, sir.”

“What’s wrong with that old woman,” the banker asks the bartender, “I’ve just bought three rounds of drinks, as well as food for everyone, except for her, and instead of getting angry, she just smiles and thanks me. Is she stupid?“

“No, sir, she’s not stupid,” the bartender responds with a smile. “That’s Mrs O’Malley. She owns this bar.”

Moral of the Story: If you must judge people, do so with great care.

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