21 clever one-liners you’ll just love

Clever One-LinersHere are 21 clever one-liners you’ll just love. They’re all sharp and witty and guaranteed to amuse you. Take a minute to enjoy them all.

Clever one-liners:

  1. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  2. No I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  3. I would lose weight but I hate losing.
  4. Life is just a sexually transmitted disease.
  5. I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
  6. Creditors have better memories than debtors.
  7. It’s only funny when it’s not happening to you.
  8. Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
  9. How could I miss you if you won’t go away?
  10. It’s easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
  11. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.
  12. A lottery is just a tax on people who don’t understand math.
  13. Life would be so much better if we could mute some people.
  14. When I need an expert’s advice, I stand in front of the mirror.
  15. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge. Some only gargle.
  16. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
  17. Some people lose their tempers just from seeing you keep yours.
  18. I’m not looking for a stable relationship, I’ll settle for a stable internet connection.
  19. Don’t you just hate how spiders sit there on your wall and act like they pay rent?
  20. There is a solution for when your hair starts falling out. Put it in a box.
  21. People always say they don’t believe in ghosts until they hear a strange noise in the middle of the night.

Clever One-LinersEnjoyed these one-liners? Please share this post:

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21 amusing one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

Amusing one-linersDo you enjoy a good one-liner dear reader? You do? Then here are 21 amusing one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

They all made me smile, so I’m hoping at least one or two of them will appeal to you too.

Take a few minutes to appreciate the art of the one-liner and see if you can work any of these lines into your day.

Amusing one-liners:

  1. Velcro is such a rip-off.
  2. Those who laugh last think slowest.
  3. With money only too much is enough.
  4. Your job is secure if no one else wants it.
  5. Dropped toast always lands jam-side down.
  6. Why is it that everyone my age is older than me?
  7. Sarcasm is the body’s natural shield against stupidity.
  8. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  9. Make love not war. If you want to do both, get married.
  10. There’s no such thing as arriving fashionably late in Crocs.
  11. I used to have a bandwagon but people kept jumping on it.
  12. Two French cheese trucks collided. De brie was everywhere.
  13. Relationships are like algebra. You look at your X and ask Y.
  14. You’re emotionally constipated if you haven’t given a shit for days.
  15. I’ve thought of buying a burial plot but it’s really the last thing I need.
  16. If the grass is greener on the other side then the water bill will be higher too.
  17. Whoever said nothing’s impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
  18. Playing bridge is like sex. If you haven’t got a good partner you’ll need a good hand.
  19. Before you question forward planning remember, it wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
  20. I entered everything I’d eaten into my fitness app and immediately it sent an ambulance to my house.
  21. Eat sensibly, exercise and don’t drink alcohol if you want to live long enough to spend your last few years in a care home.

Amusing one-linersEnjoyed these one-liners?

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If it made you smile then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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Here are 21 of the best one-liners ever

Best one-liners everToday I offer you some of the best one-liners ever.

I love a great one-liner and these are all brilliant. They’re amusing, sharp and very witty. I hope at least one or two of them will brighten your day.

So take a couple of minutes and enjoy them all.

Best one-liners ever:

  1. Am I indecisive? I’m not sure.
  2. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  3. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
  4. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  5. A clean house suggests there’s no WiFi.
  6. Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.
  7. It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.
  8. I started with nothing and I’ve still got most of it.
  9. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  10. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.
  11. You say you’re a compulsive liar but I don’t believe you.
  12. Since I had my neck-brace fitted I’ve never looked back.
  13. A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
  14. You shouldn’t laugh at your wife’s choices because you’re one of them.
  15. You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon fails to return home then what you’ve actually lost is a pigeon.
  16. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving once, but you do need one to go twice.
  17. I love to hold hands at the movies but for some reason strangers sitting next to me never seem that keen.
  18. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you’ll look forward to the trip.
  19. Is it true that the security guys at the Samsung Store are known as Guardians of the Galaxy?
  20. You know they’re your friends when you walk into their home and you connect to the WiFi automatically.
  21. The absurdity of the sexual act is God’s way of reminding us that he really does have a sense of humor.

Enjoyed these one-liners? Please share them:

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If any of these one-liners made you smile then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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50 sarcastic remarks that say, ‘Don’t mess with me!’

Sarcastic RemarksIf you admire a clever put down or sharp, sarcastic remarks then here are 50 you might like to add to your quiver full of arrows.

These can be your ammunition for another day, when someone tries to put one over on you.

We all need a little ammunition for those occasions when we need to send a message to someone that says, ‘Don’t mess with me!

And of course we all need a good laugh too. So these should help with that as well. Enjoy them all.

Sarcastic Remarks:

  1. I’ve met some pricks in my time but you really are the full cactus.
  2. Tact is for people who lack the wit to respond with sarcasm.
  3. Leave sarcasm and insults to the professionals. You’re an amateur.
  4. I’m guessing you’re not a rocket scientist by profession?
  5. You’re mistaking me for someone who cares what you think.
  6. You’re about as useful as a condom with a hole in it.
  7. You’re wearing that shirt for a bet, surely?
  8. There’s more intelligent life at the bottom of ponds.
  9. The mirror doesn’t lie but lucky for you it doesn’t laugh either.
  10. If your aim was to impress me, you’ve failed.
  11. Does your carer know you’re out on your own?
  12. Did I ask for your opinion? I think not.
  13. If I act like I don’t care that’s because I don’t.
  14. If it’s loyalty you want get a dog.
  15. If only closed minds came with closed mouths.
  16. That’s an eye catching dress mam. Where did you buy it? Walmart?
  17. You’re living proof that even dumb people can find work.
  18. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sandwich short of a picnic?
  19. You’re the result of four billion years of evolution. Try to act like it.
  20. That was about as interesting as watching paint dry.
  21. I’ve had more fun having root canal treatment.
  22. You’re not the sharpest knife in the drawer are you?
  23. Did you still find it funny when it happened to you?
  24. You’re not ugly. Unattractive definitely, but not really ugly.
  25. Sarcastic RemarksIf you don’t want sarcastic answers don’t ask me stupid questions.
  26. You have all the charm of a cobra in a bad mood.
  27. In another age you’d have been burned at the stake.
  28. Normally I pretend to like you but today I really can’t be bothered.
  29. Violence may not solve anything but it might make me feel better.
  30. Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
  31. Sure I’ll help you out buddy. The same way you came in.
  32. Don’t take yourself too seriously, no one else does.
  33. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
  34. You sound better with your mouth closed.
  35. I’m sorry. What language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.
  36. You have every right to express an opinion sir and I have every right to ignore it.
  37. Do I think you’re stupid? Well I was wondering how you manage to tie your shoe laces.
  38. You do realize that a line of work consistent with your weaknesses is not an ideal career choice?
  39. I know I asked for a rare steak but a good vet could have this one back on its feet again and grazing in the pasture.
  40. I’ve met stingy people before but you wouldn’t give anyone the snot from your nose.
  41. When they ask me to complete the customer satisfaction survey I’ll be sure to mention that you’re a complete asshole.
  42. I’ve met plenty of stupid people in my time but you’re taking stupidity to an entirely new level not seen before.
  43. Which part of ‘I’m not interested’ is too difficult for you to understand?
  44. I could insult you but it would be cruel to pick on someone so lacking in intellect that they cannot defend themselves.
  45. If that dress you’re wearing is part of a get-noticed strategy mam it’s working I can assure you.
  46. When I look at you I can see that the lights are on but no one’s home.
  47. I didn’t realize someone could be annoying at first sight …… until now!
  48. If I wrote down every intelligent thought you’d ever had it wouldn’t amount to a single tweet
  49. I didn’t say I hated you but I’d certainly unplug your life support if my phone needed charging.
  50. You’re a low paid gatekeeper in a cheap suit and a polyester tie getting off on your little bit of power. Enjoy the moment buddy. You know you’re nothing and so does everyone else.

Enjoyed these sarcastic remarks? Please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these sarcastic remarks made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share them now.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

3 hilariously funny story jokes to make you laugh

Hilariously funny story jokes1. Immaculate conception:

Jenny Smith accompanies her 15-year-old daughter Caitlyn to the doctor.

Good evening Mrs Smith”, says the doctor, “how can I be of help today?

Well Doctor Morgan, it’s my daughter Caitlyn”, says Mrs Smith, “she’s putting on weight, she’s being sick in the mornings and she keeps getting these cravings.”

The kindly doctor smiles and then says, “Right then let me take a look at her.”

He then examines Caitlyn thoroughly before turning to her mother and saying, “Well, I’m not quite sure how to break this news to you Mrs Smith but your daughter is pregnant. Probably about three months gone, I would estimate.

Jenny Smith is shocked. “Pregnant?” she says to the doctor.

Yes mam”, the doctor responds.

But how can that be?” says Mrs Smith. “She doesn’t even have a boyfriend. Do you Caitlyn?

No mom, I don’t” Caitlyn responds nervously. “I’ve never even kissed a boy and I’m still a virgin.

Doctor Morgan walks across to the window in his surgery and starts gazing out into the evening sky.

A few minutes pass before Mrs Smith feels compelled to say, “What’s the problem doctor is something wrong out there?

No, not really”, Doctor Morgan replies, “but the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men arrived on camels to witness the event. That’s definitely a spectacle I didn’t want to miss.

Hilariously funny story jokes2. If a job matters, don’t leave it to a man:

Gloria is getting increasingly concerned that her 3 year old son Billy looks completely different to both her and her husband Jeff.

So she decides to take Billy for a DNA test.

The results from the DNA test reveal that Billy is actually from completely different parents.

So when Jeff arrives home from work, Gloria says, “Honey, I’ve got something really serious to tell you.

Why? What’s wrong?” Jeff responds.

Well”, says Gloria, “according to DNA test results, Billy is not our child.

To which Jeff responds, “Well don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, ‘Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here’.”

Hilariously funny story jokes3. You can’t outsmart an old dog:

An old dog strays into a jungle and gets himself completely lost.

A hungry lion basking in the sun spots the old dog from a distance and thinks to himself “I’ve not seen this type of animal before but he sure looks edible.”

The lion then gets up and starts moving slowly towards the old dog, gradually picking up pace before he then sprints towards the dog with real menace in his eyes.

The old dog sees the charging lion and naturally he starts to panic. Who wouldn’t panic in these circumstances?

However the old dog is also very smart and he realises he cannot outrun the lion. So having noticed some bones next to him on the ground he picks one up and starts chewing at it.

As the lion gets close, he then says loudly, “Hmmmm, now that was some excellent lion meat!

Hearing this comment stops the lion in his tracks.

The lion stares at the old dog thinking, “This old fella must be a lot tougher than he looks. It’s might be a good idea to leave him alone.

A monkey in a nearby tree sees what’s happened and recognises that the old dog has managed to fool the lion.

Naturally the monkey thinks that this is a situation he might be able to exploit to his advantage.

So he goes over to the lion and tells him exactly what happened, in the hope that he might just get something in return.

The lion is angry that he’s fallen for the old dog’s deception, so he says to the monkey, “Get on my back now and we’ll get him together. We’ll teach him a lesson he won’t forget“.

So with the monkey on his back, the lion once again start rushing in the old dog’s direction.

Despite his advancing years, the old dog is quick to spot them and realizes what’s happened. He starts to panic again before he quickly gets another idea.

He then starts to act like he’s searching for something until they get close and then to ensure they hear him he shouts loudly, “Where’s that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did these hilariously funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

25 funny witty quotes that will seriously tickle you

Funny Witty QuotesI always get the best reaction from readers with posts that are full of content to make you smile. And that’s natural of course. We all need a good laugh, don’t we?

With that in mind I’ve been trawling the Internet and my personal journals looking for funny witty quotes which I hope you’ll enjoy dear reader.

Here are today’s 25 funny witty quotes that I’m confident will tickle you. Certainly they tickled me.

They’re all by Authors Unknown but they’re razor sharp and funny nevertheless.

So go on take a few minutes right now to have a laugh and enjoy them all.

Funny witty quotes:

  1. ‘Be yourself’ is the worst piece of advice you can give to some people.
  2. Some people just need a sympathetic pat on the head, with a hammer.
  3. HIM: How is it your single? HER: Surely you mean you’re?
  4. Arguing with a fool serves only to prove that there are two.
  5. Only dead fish go with the flow.
  6. Funny Witty QuotesThe only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t hold this much personality.
  7. Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you’re drunk.
  8. There are only two rules in life. No 1: Never ever give out all the information.
  9. You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid who acts just like you.
  10. If you have nothing to be grateful for check your pulse.
  11. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.
  12. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes I’m thinking of making a few more.
  13. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
  14. We mature with damage, not with years.
  15. Life is short. So smile while you still have teeth.
  16. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
  17. Sarcasm is not an attitude. It’s an art.
  18. I have an irrational fear of wasting a good outfit on an insignificant day.
  19. Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
  20. The only time a woman is helpless is when her nail polish is drying. Otherwise, watch out.
  21. The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humour.
  22. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege.
  23. If you don’t like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalk.
  24. If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving’s not for you.
  25. 129% of people exaggerate.

Funny Witty QuotesPlease share this post with your friends:

So did these funny witty quotes amuse you dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Other articles guaranteed to amuse you:

© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

35 one-liners about life that are guaranteed to raise a smile

Life? Don’t talk to me about life!

Older readers may remember, that was the expression made famous by Marvin the paranoid android in Douglas Adams’ classic novel, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

I’m sure we’ve all shared Marvin’s sentiment occasionally when we experience life’s more challenging moments.

However positive we are, life can get the better of us sometimes.

So here are some one-liners about life that are guaranteed to raise a smile or two as I’m sure they will resonate with readers.

Life can be absurd at times and it’s difficult on occasions to believe the evidence of our own eyes and ears. Nevertheless our aim must be to remain positive and to do that we must learn to laugh at life and ourselves.

Don’t take it all too seriously. Just laugh as much as you can and that is the perfect counter-balance to Life’s absurdities.

Start now by laughing at all these one-liners which I’ve collected together to amuse and entertain.

One-liners about life:

  1. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  2. Life is a terminal disease.
  3. Youth is wasted on the young.
  4. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
  5. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  6. It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
  7. We never really grow up we only learn how to act in public.
  8. Being a hypochondriac could save your life one of these days.
  9. Any room is a panic room if you’ve lost your phone in it.
  10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
  12. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
  13. I’m really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
  14. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  15. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  16. Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
  17. Just because a road’s well-trodden doesn’t mean it leads anywhere worth going.
  18. As soon as you’re doing what you wanted to be doing, you want to be doing something else.
  19. Stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism but stealing ideas from many people is research.
  20. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  21. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
  22. You might as well laugh at your problems because everyone else does.
  23. God must love stupid people because he made so many of them.
  24. Dolphins are so smart they can train people to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  25. If I was doin’ any better, I’d have to hire someone to help me enjoy it!
  26. Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  27. How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
  28. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  29. I thought I wanted a career but I realize now that I just wanted a decent income.
  30. Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
  31. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  32. Why is it that most nudists are people you wouldn’t want to see naked?
  33. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
  34. Smile. Some people will appreciate it others will be irritated by it. Either way you win.
  35. The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.

Polite request:

So dear reader, did these one-liners about life make you smile?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

DISCLOSURE: This post contains an Amazon affiliate link, which means should you make a purchase via this link then we will receive a small commission. There will be no additional cost to you as the purchaser. Such commissions serve only to cover the cost of maintaining this website. Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny story jokes to make you chuckle

Funny Story JokesHow to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16 year old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like most young men of his age.

As luck would have it the real object of his affections lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured and perfectly poised.

However poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless that doesn’t stop him watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning to use the toilet.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

Josh if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his Dad.

Oh Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them”, Josh responds.

Look son”, says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.

The following day Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his Dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she’s returning to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity impress to her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?

Funny Story JokesThe man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck which is full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and he pulls the guy over.

Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over once again and he says to him, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.

I did”, the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.

Funny Story JokesChildren and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to each bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?

That’s right”, says the boy, “but how did you know?

Oh, it’s just a lucky guess“, says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets?

That’s right”, says the little girl, “but how did you know?

Oh, it’s just a lucky guess“, says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again the teacher touches the leaking, yellowy liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

No!” the boy replies, even more excited than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?

With a beaming smile and great excitement the boy says, “It’s a puppy!

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So for you dear reader, did these funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

3 funny stories that’ll make you laugh until you cry

Funny stories that'll make you laugh until you cry1. Patrick’s doppelgänger:

Mick is the bartender is a Dublin bar and Patrick is sitting at the counter drinking. Suddenly Patrick says to Mick, “You see that guy over there? Don’t you think he looks just like me?

Yes he does”, says Mick humoring him.

Patrick then walks over to his doppelgänger and says, “Excuse me sir, but I couldn’t help noticing that you and I look so much alike.

You’re right, we really do look alike”, says the guy.

Where are you from?” asks Patrick.

I’m from Rathmines” says the guy.

Which street?” Patrick then asks.

Mayo Abbey Street” says the guy.

Mayo Abbey Street?” says Patrick. “Now that’s incredible. That’s my street too. What number?

I live at 47” the guy responds.

47?” says Patrick. “I don’t believe it! Me too! What are your parents’ names?

Thomas and Bernadette” says the guy.

That’s unbelievable” Patrick responds. “My parents have the same names.

Just then Mick’s colleague Jim arrives on shift.

How’s it going Mick?” says Jim. “Has there been much happening tonight?

Not really” Mick responds, “oh, except for the O’Donnell twins being drunk again.”

2. Pumping out the tank:

A C-5 Galaxy military transport aircraft is being prepared for departure at a US Air Force base in Greenland.

The crew’s waiting for a truck to arrive so that the aircraft’s sewage tank can be pumped out.

Nothing’s going quite to plan and the aircraft commander is growing impatient.

When the truck eventually shows up, the airman carrying out the pumping task on the tank is extremely slow and seems to take an age.

Eventually the commander has had enough and he snaps and threatens to punish the airman for being so slow.

Sir, I have no stripes, it’s twenty five below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland miles from civilization, and I’m pumping sewage.” the airman responds. “What could you possibly do that would punish me further?

Funny stories that'll make you laugh until you cry3. The artist:

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in any of the paintings he currently has on display.

Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you”, the owner replies.

What’s the good news?” asks the artist.

Well a gentleman inquired about your work and he asked me whether the paintings would appreciate in value after your death”, says the owner.

Really?” inquires the artist.

Yes, and when I told him they would he bought all thirty of your paintings” the owner continued.

Wow, that’s fantastic news!” says the artist. “So what’s the bad news?

The gentleman said he was your doctor” the owner responds.

Please share with your friends:

So for you dear reader, did these prove to be funny stories that made you laugh until you cried?

I hope so. However there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, then I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.

3 hilariously funny short story jokes

hilariously funny short story jokes1. Jackie and the Game Warden:

Steve and Jackie went on vacation to a fishing resort in Montana.

Now Steve was a keen fisherman and he liked to go out fishing early in the morning. Whereas when she’s on vacation Jackie preferred just to relax and read.

One morning after a few hours of fishing on the lake Steve returned in the boat and, feeling a little tired by now, decided to take a midday nap.

At this point Jackie is feeling in need of a little fresh air so, although not really familiar with their boat, she decided to take it out onto the lake.

So she motored out a short distance, anchored the boat, and then continued reading her book in the peace and tranquility of this beautiful part of the world.

Jackie’s sitting reading for about half an hour when suddenly the Game Warden’s boat pulls up next to her boat.

Good day mam”, said the Game Warden. “What are you doing?

I’m reading a book”, Jackie replied.

Mam do realize you’re in a restricted fishing area?” said the Game Warden.

Does that really matter?” said Jackie. “I’m not fishing I’m reading.

The Game Warden cast his experienced eye over her boat and then said, “Mam I can see your boat has all the equipment for fishing. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’m afraid I’ll have to write you up a ticket.

Jackie smiled and then said, “Officer, if you do that I will file a complaint against you for sexual assault.

Surprised and slightly concerned by her response the Game Warden said, “Mam, what do you mean? I haven’t laid a finger on you?

Perhaps”, said Jackie “but you have all the equipment to do so. For all I know you could start at any moment.

You have a nice day mam”, said the Game Warden, as he re-started his engine and sailed away, leaving Jackie to her reading.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

2. The silent treatment:

Frank and his wife Liz were giving each other the silent treatment after an argument.

This had gone on for 10 days when Frank realized he needed her to wake him the following morning at 5am so he could catch the 8am flight to Los Angeles for a very important business meeting.

However Frank didn’t want to be the first to break the silence so he left a note on her bedside table which read, “Please wake me at 5am.

The next morning he woke up only to find it was already 9am. So he’d missed his flight to Los Angeles.

Frank was furious and he was about to ask his wife why she hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on his bedside table. It read, “It’s 5am. Wake up.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

hilariously funny short story jokes3. A woman’s contribution:

One evening Bill returned home from work only to find his home completely wrecked and upside down. Everything was in a complete mess.

Bill’s three young children were still in their pajamas, eating snacks from the fridge. The entrance rug normally in the hall was lying on the table. The television in the living room was blasting out cartoons loudly. And every item of furniture in the room was covered in stuff.

He walked into the kitchen only to find that the sink was full of dishes. Leftovers from breakfast were scattered all over the counter and it was covered in crumbs too.

So Bill immediately ran up the stairs, dodging toys and piles of clothes, fearing his wife might be gravely ill or that some other misfortune might have happened to her.

When he entered their bedroom, breathless, Bill found his wife lying happily in bed, still in her pajamas, reading a book.

Watching him struggling for breath she smiled and said, “Hello honey how was your day?

Feeling more than surprised and a little confused, Bill asked his wife, “What’s going on? What the hell has been happening here today?

Once again Bill’s wife smiled and said, “Remember that argument we had last night when you hurtfully asked me what the hell I did all day?

“Ehhhh, yes I think so”, said Bill, still slight confused.

Well today I didn’t do any of it, so now you know,” his wife responded.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with women. You won’t win.

Please share the fun:

I hope you found these jokes as funny as you’d hoped dear reader.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh? If so click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here today then please share these jokes with all  your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

So go on, please do it now. I will be ever so grateful.

Thank you.

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© Roy Joseph Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2019. All Rights Reserved.