12 of the funniest jokes you’ll read today

Laughter is the best medicine, or so they say. Well I agree with them, whoever they are. We all need a smile or two occasionally. We all need a good laugh. It helps us relax and it relieves stress too. It also reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously. Much as we like to think we’re important, actually we’re no more important than anyone else.

So relax for five minutes because I’m offering you 12 of the funniest jokes in two lines each. These are jokes that will have you howling with laughter. And they’re jokes you’ll want to share with your friends.

Jokes cheer us up and they will cheer your friends up too. So go on, share them but not before you’ve taken five minutes to enjoy them yourself.

Let me also say that these are jokes that I’ve stumbled upon in various places, so I cannot claim credit for them. However I wasn’t able to identify the original authors either. Should you be the author of any of these jokes, or should you know the original author then please let me know. I would welcome the opportunity to add appropriate credits and links to acknowledge the authors.

In the meantime, enjoy them all!

Today’s Jokes:

  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving
  • You need a parachute to go skydiving twice


  • Parallel lines have so much in common
  • It’s a shame they’ll never meet


  • Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
  • Then they call me ugly and poor


  • Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re going to pay
  • You have my Word


  • I went to an emotional wedding the other day
  • Even the cake was in tiers


  • Someone stole my mood ring
  • I don’t know how I feel about that


  • I tried to catch fog yesterday
  • Mist


  • Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
  • If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan


  • I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrow too high
  • She looked surprised


  • I threw a boomerang a few years ago
  • I now live in constant fear


  • A guy shows up late for work. His boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8.30!”
  • The guy replies, “Why? What happened at 8.30?


  • To people who say, “My dog is my best friend.”
  • I say, “Your dog may be your best friend but will it pick you up at the airport? I think not.”

Polite request:

If you enjoyed these funny jokes dear reader then please share this blog post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

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© Roy J Sutton and Mann Island Media Limited 2018. All Rights Reserved.

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