3 entertaining jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

entertaining-jokesIf you’re looking for some entertaining jokes then here are three that should make you smile.

They all tickled me and I’m confident that you too will enjoy them, dear reader. I hope so anyway.

So, take a moment to have a laugh and then please pass them on.

Entertaining jokes:

1. Challenging times:

A pirate walks into a bar in Bermuda.

He walks up to the counter and the bartender says, “Hello matey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.”

What do you mean?” says the pirate. “I feel fine.”

Well, you didn’t have that wooden leg last time I saw you,” says the bartender.

Oh, that,” responds the pirate. “We were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball but I’m fine now.

Really?” says the bartender. “What about the hook? What happened to your hand?

Well, we were in another battle and my hand got chopped off in a sword fight,” says the pirate. “However I got fitted with the hook and I’m fine now.”

Seriously?” says the bartender. “But what about the eye patch?

Look, it’s nothing,” says the pirate. “One day we’re at sea and a flock of seagulls flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye.”

You’ve got to be joking,” says the bartender. “You lost your eye just from seagull poop?

It was my first day with the hook,” says the pirate.

2. Priorities:

Two businessmen, Jim and George, are playing golf.

They’re on the seventh tee and Jim is just about to take a swing when a funeral procession appears on the road next to the perimeter fence.

Jim immediately aborts his swing, takes off his hat, holds it to his chest, closes his eyes and bows his head in solemn contemplation.

When the funeral cortége has passed, George says, “That’s the most touching moment I’ve ever seen Jim. Clearly, you’re a man who’s willing to show his feelings.

Jim quickly recovers his composure, smiles and then says, “Well, I was married to her for 35 years.

3. Tricky decision:

entertaining-jokesHis Holiness the Pope, head of the Catholic Church, is visiting New York City.

Naturally, there’s a limousine waiting for him as he arrives at JFK.

After getting the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo, the chauffeur realises that the pontiff is still standing on the sidewalk.

Oh, I’m so sorry your holiness,” says the chauffeur, “I was so busy, I didn’t realise you were still standing there. Please take your seat in the car and we’ll leave momentarily.

“My son, if truth be told, it’s always been my ambition to drive in New York City,” says the Pope. “They never let me drive in Rome. Would it be possible for me to drive today? Just into the city? You’d be making an old man very happy.”

Your holiness, I couldn’t do that. I’d lose my job!” the chauffeur responds.

Who’s going to know?” the Pope asks with a smile. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

Reluctant though he was, eventually the chauffeur allows himself to be persuaded.

So with a beaming smile, the Pope climbs into the driver’s seat and the chauffeur takes a seat in the back of the car.

For once he’s as free as a bird, so the pontiff decides to make the most of the experience. He presses the pedal hard to the metal, the limo takes off and they hit the freeway doing 120 mph.

Your holiness,” pleads the chauffeur, “you’ll get a ticket if you don’t slow down.

Well, his holiness wasn’t listening. They’re really moving at high speed when suddenly they hear the sound of a police car siren.

Oh, holy mother of Jesus,” says the worried chauffeur. “I’m definitely going to lose my job now.

Naturally, the Pope has no choice but to pull over.

His holiness rolls down his window as police officer Mackenzie approaches the limo.

Officer Mackenzie just takes one look at the man in the driver’s seat and he turns and goes straight back to his car and gets on to the police radio.

I need to talk to the Chief of Police now,” police officer Mackenzie says to the dispatcher.

After a few minutes, The Chief of Police is on the radio and police officer Mackenzie tells him that he’s stopped a limo doing 120 mph on the freeway.

So what’s the problem? Just bust his ass!” says the Chief.

Sir, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” police officer Mackenzie responds. “There’s someone really important in the car.”

So? That’s all the more reason to bust him,” exclaims the Police Chief.

No sir, I mean some who’s really, really important,” says police officer Mackenzie.

So, who’s in the car?” asks the Chief. “Is it the Mayor?

No sir. Much bigger,” says police officer Mackenzie.

You mean a Senator?” asks the Chief.

No sir. Much bigger,” says police officer Mackenzie.

You mean the President?” exclaims the Chief.

No sir. Even bigger,” says police officer Mackenzie.

Bigger than the President?” exclaims the Chief. “Well, who the hell is it?

Sir, I think it’s God,” police officer Mackenzie responds.

GOD!” exclaims the Chief. “What makes you think it’s God?

Because his chauffeur’s the Pope!” says police officer Mackenzie.

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Entertaining-JokesDid you enjoy these entertaining jokes? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case then please share this blog post with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

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Thank you.

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5 entertaining jokes guaranteed to raise a laugh or two

entertaining-jokesIf you enjoy entertaining jokes then here are five that I’m confident will make you smile.

Enjoy them all and share them all with your friends.

Entertaining jokes:

1. Softball fanatics:

Two 90-year-old women, Mabel and Lily, had been the best of friends all of their lives.

Now Mabel had been in poor health for a couple of years and it was clear that her last days were not too far away. Naturally, her good friend Lily visited her every single day.

One day as they were chatting, Lily said, “Mabel, we’ve both enjoyed playing softball all our lives. All through high school and ever since we really enjoyed playing the game we both love. So, do me a great favour. When you get to Heaven, please find a way to let me know whether I’ll be able to play softball with you when we’re both there.

Mabel looked up from her deathbed and said, “Lily, you’ve been my best friend since we were children. If it’s at all possible, I will do this favour for you.”

They were to be Mabel’s last words because, sadly, she passed away silently in her sleep that very night.

The following night, Lily was awakened suddenly from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light, and a voice calling out to her, “Lily, Lily!

Who is it?” said Lily.

Lily,” said the voice, “it’s me, your friend Mabel.”

You can’t be Mabel,” said Lily. “Mabel passed away yesterday.”

Lily, it is me, Mabel,” insisted the voice.

Mabel, where are you then?” asked Lily.

I’m in Heaven,” said Mabel. “I’ve got some good news for you and a little bad news too.

What’s the good news?” asked Lily.

Well, the good news is that women’s softball is played in Heaven,” said Mabel.

Oh, that’s wonderful,” said Lily.

Better still,” said Mabel, “all of our old buddies who died before me are here to play with too.”

“Really?” said Lily.

Yes,” Mabel responded. “And even better than that, we’re all young again, it’s always springtime up here, and it never rains or snows. We can play softball whenever we want, and we never get tired.”

Wow,” said Lily “that’s fantastic. So, what’s the bad news?

You’ll be pitching next Tuesday?” Mabel responded.

2. Married bliss:

Jim and Jean had been married for over 30 years and, in all that time, they’d never fought, not even once.

One day, Jim and his friend Bill were talking and Bill was impressed to hear about what sounded like such a harmonious relationship.

How is that even possible?” Bill asked.

Well,” said Jim, “when we got married, we stayed at my late uncle’s Texas ranch for our honeymoon. On the first day we went out horse riding and we hadn’t gone far before Jean’s horse jumped and she fell off.

Really?” Bill exclaimed. “So, what happened then?

Well, as cool as you like,” said Jim, “Jean just got up, patted the horse and then said, ‘This is your first time!’.

Wow!” said Bill.

After a while,” Jim continued, “it happened again. And again, Jean just got up, patted the horse and said, ‘This is your second time!’.”

I’m guessing that’s not the end of the story,” said Bill.

No,” said Jim. “It happened again, and this time she pulled out a gun and shot the horse.

No!” said a very surprised Bill. “What happened then?

I shouted at her,” said Jim. “Are you crazy? You’ve just killed a perfectly innocent animal!

Jim paused momentarily and then continued, “She gave me a menacing look and then said, ‘This is your first time!’.

3. Smart sheepdog:

A farmer wants to check how many sheep he has in his field.

So he decides to ask his sheepdog to count them all.

The dog runs into the field, counts them all and runs back to the farmer.

How many?” the farmer asks.

Forty,” says the dog.

How can there be forty,” the farmer asks, “I only bought thirty-eight.”

I rounded them up,” the dog responded.

4. Caring son:

Hello,” said the voice. “Is this the Police?

Yes,” said the operator, “How can we help you?

I’m calling to report Jim Brown,” said the voice.

Why?” said the operator, “What’s he done?

He’s hiding drugs inside his wood store,” said the voice.

That very evening, after dark, the police swooped on the house of Jim Brown.

They search his wood store thoroughly and then, with sharp axes, they chop up every log, reducing them all to pieces of firewood.

The Police find absolutely nothing and so they leave empty-handed.

The next day, Jim Brown receives a telephone call from his son.

Hi Dad, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come over to help you yesterday but did the Police arrive?” asked his son.

Yes,” Jim responded.

Did they chop up all your firewood?” his son asks.

Yes, they did,” says Jim.

That’s great Dad,” says his son, “Happy birthday!

entertaining-jokes5. The trip to Rome:

Jane was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled ready for a trip to Rome with her husband.

Naturally, Jane is talking with her hairdresser and she mentions how excited she is to be going on her forthcoming trip to the Eternal City.

Rome?” said the hairdresser. “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?

Well,” said Jane, “we’re flying American Airlines and we got a really great deal on the tickets!

Oh, I just hate American Airlines,” said the hairdresser. “Their planes are old, their inflight service is terrible and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?

We’ll be staying at this exclusive little place called the Hotel Splendide Royal,” Jane responded. “Oh, I just can’t wait.”

Stop right there,” said the hairdresser. “I’ve heard about that place. Everybody thinks it’s special, but my friend told me it’s actually a real dump. So, what will you do whilst you’re there?

We’re going to see the Vatican,” said Jane, “and maybe we might even get to see the Pope.

The hairdresser laughed, “You and a million other people will be trying to see the Pope and, even if you do, he’ll look the size of an ant, you’ll be so far away. Sounds like a lousy trip. I wish you luck because you’re going to need it.

Six weeks later, Jane’s back from her trip and sitting in the same hairdresser’s having her hair styled once again.

Naturally, the hairdresser is interested to hear all about Jane’s trip to Rome.

Oh, it was wonderful,” said Jane, “the best vacation ever.”

Really!” said the hairdresser. “In what way was it so great?

Well, first off, the brand new plane we travelled on was overbooked and so American Airlines very kindly upgraded us to First Class at no charge,” said Jane. “The inflight service was terrific, the food and wine were just wonderful, we arrived bang on time, and the cabin crew couldn’t have been more attentive throughout the journey.

So, you got lucky with the flight,” said the hairdresser sarcastically. “How was the hotel?

Oh, my goodness, it couldn’t have been better,” said Jane. “It had recently had a major makeover, and because it was overbooked, we got upgraded to a suite, at no charge. Best hotel experience ever.

Well, lucky you,” muttered the hairdresser. “I’ll bet you didn’t get to see the Pope though.

Actually, we were very lucky,” said Jane. “We were walking around the Vatican when a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and said that the Pope would like to speak with me.

Oh, really!” said the hairdresser. “And what did the Pope have to say when you met him?

He said, my God woman, who made such a terrible mess of your hair?” said Jane with a smile.

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So dear reader, were any of these entertaining jokes as amusing as you’d hoped? Did any of them really make you smile?

If you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy entertaining jokes, so please share this post now.

If you could share this post for me now then I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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