17 cheesy jokes guaranteed to raise a smile

04/02/2025 by

If you like cheesy jokes, this post is for you.

I’ve been surfing the Internet looking for humour and smiles.

On this occasion, I was specifically looking for cheesy jokes.

And I found 17 cheesy jokes that made me smile. I hope they make you smile today, too.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t identify the authors, but should you be one of them, please let me know, and I will add a suitable credit and link to your work.

Cheesy jokes:

  • What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles? 
  • UCLA 
  • Which US State has the smallest soft drinks? 
  • Mini-soda 
  • Where do pencils go for vacation? 
  • Pencil-vania
  • What do you call an unpredictable, out-of-control photographer?
  • A loose Canon
  • What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? 
  • A Bagel 
  • Where do Volkswagens go when they get old? 
  • The Old Volks home!
  • What did the fisherman say to the magician? 
  • Pick a cod, any cod!
  • Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
  • Because he was on a roll 
  • Why did the poor man sell yeast? 
  • To raise some dough
  • How do snails fight? 
  • They slug it out
  • Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? 
  • Because he wanted to see time fly! 
  • What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun? 
  • I just love baskin’ robins
  • What do lawyers wear to court? 
  • Lawsuits! 
  • Why did the man put his money in the freezer? 
  • He wanted cold, hard cash!
  • What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? 
  • I don’t know and I don’t care. 
  • How does NASA organize a party?
  • They planet
  • What do you call four bullfighters standing in quicksand? 
  • Quattro Sinko 

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So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Were these cheesy quotes funny? Did they make you smile? If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

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21 silly jokes guaranteed to make your kids smile

03/14/2025 by

Kids love silly jokes, and quite a few adults do too, including me. Whenever I hear silly jokes, I always make a note of them in my journal. Well, they’re always useful for breaking the ice at dinner parties, if nothing else.

Anyway, today I thought I’d trawl through my journal and put together a collection of some of the best silly jokes just for you, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, I did, both the first time around and on reviewing them now.

Yes, they’re all very silly but they’re guaranteed to make your kids smile.

Silly Jokes:

  • Why did the ant elope?
  • Nobody gnu
  • Why do skunks argue?
  • They like to kick up a stink
  • How do you arrest a pig?
  • Put it in ham cuffs
  • Why do horses look sad?
  • They have long faces
  • Why do coyotes call at night?
  • The rates are cheaper
  • What animal never gets wet?
  • An umbrellephant
  • What makes a chicken blush?
  • Henbarrassment
  • In what key does a cow sing?
  • Beef flat
  • Why don’t anteaters get sick?
  • They’re full of antibodies
  • How do rodents keep their breath fresh?
  • Using mousewash
Silly Jokes
Silly Jokes
  • What did the parrot say to the spaniel?
  • I’m a cocker too
  • How do you eat an elephant?
  • One bite at a time
  • What sound does a space turkey make?
  • Hubble, Hubble, Hubble
  • Why are giraffes brave?
  • Because they’re always sticking their next out
  • How many skunks does it take to stink out a room?
  • A phew
  • How does a dolphin make a decision?
  • Flipper coin
  • How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?
  • You get a buzzy tone
  • What’s even better than the cat’s whiskers?
  • The bee’s knees
  • What happened when two American stoats got married?
  • They became the United Stoats of America
  • What do you get from a chicken who’s been drinking whisky?
  • Scotch eggs
  • What’s goes through a fly’s mind on impact with your windscreen?
  • Its ass

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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25 silly jokes that are laugh out loud funny

03/11/2025 by

Here’s another batch of short and silly but laugh out loud funny jokes just for you, dear reader.

Laughter is the best medicine, and we all need laugh out loud funny jokes to brighten our challenging lives.

So grab a coffee and take a few moments to enjoy these laugh out loud funny jokes right now.

I hope they give you a few minutes of pleasure to brighten your day.

Laugh out loud funny:

  • If I’m nobody;
  • And nobody’s perfect;
  • Then I must be perfect.
  • Why are frogs so happy?
  • They eat whatever bugs them.
  • How do you befriend a squirrel?
  • Act like a nut.
  • Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
  • Because they kept dropping their trunks.
  • What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
  • A chilly dog.
  • What do call you a row of bunnies moving backwards?
  • A receding hare line.
  • Why was the paediatrician always losing his temper?
  • Because he had little patients.
  • What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel it’s good enough?
  • Impasta syndrome.
  • Would you like to hear a joke about construction?
  • I’m still working on it.
  • I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
    He cried and gave me a big hug.
  • My wife was complaining that I never take her anywhere expensive.
  • So I said, “Come on, get in the car; we’re going to the gas station.”
Laugh out loud funny
Laugh out loud funny
  • They say 40 is the new 30
  • But try telling that to a traffic cop.
  • Relationships are like algebra.
  • You look at your X and wonder Y.
  • What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
  • BREATH!
  • What do you call a magic dog?
  • A labracadabrador.
  • You could say it was an emotional wedding.
  • Even the cake was in tears.
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes?
  • No eye deer.
  • A guy assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter.
  • How dairy.
  • My ex-wife still misses me.
  • But her aim’s improving.
  • I own a pencil once owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
  • Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
  • People didn’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
  • So I decided to raise the bar.
  • The World Tongue-Twister Champion was up before the judge in court.
  • I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.
  • I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
  • It’s a complex complex complex.
  • I hate insects puns.
  • They really bug me.
  • I’ve been trying to lose weight.
  • But it keeps finding me.

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So did these rib-tickling jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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19 funny jokes to tell your friends

02/06/2025 by

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

You’ll always have friends if you can entertain people and tell a joke or two. We all love to laugh, and someone amusing is immediately likeable. So, to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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FUNNY JOKES TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS

Funny jokes to tell your friends (1-10)

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.

Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory, but it was sole destroying.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends (11-19)

I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.

My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.

A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.

A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

WIFE: Pack your bags; I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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So, dear reader, did you enjoy these funny jokes to tell your friends? Were they as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, just click on the links below.

Articles you might enjoy:

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35 brilliant one-liners that will make you smile

02/04/2025 by

Whenever I share funny one-liners with readers, the posts are always popular. So it seemed like a good idea to collect a few more for you.

I’ve been collecting a lot more one-liners of late, so I thought it was time I shared them with you, dear reader.

Well, if they’re popular with readers, why wouldn’t I?

Today I am sharing what I think are 35 brilliant one-liners. They all made me smile, and I hope at least one or two of them will make you smile too.

I must confess that though I’ve collected these from various sources, I haven’t been able to identify the original authors. So they’re all classified as Author Unknown.

However, I would be happy to add acknowledgements to individual quotes if readers can enlighten me accordingly.

In the meantime, I hope these 35 brilliant one-liners will brighten your day.

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BRILLIANT ONE-LINERS

Brilliant one-liners (1-10):

  1. Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  2. It’s a day for firm decisions! Or is it?
  3. Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
  4. I want patience. AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
  5. Always give 100 % unless you’re donating blood.
  6. I started with nothing, and I’ve still got most of it.
  7. All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand.
  8. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
  9. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
  10. Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.

Brilliant one-liners (11-20):

  1. A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.
  2. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  3. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  4. Did you hear about the dyslexic who walked into a bra?
  5. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing Taxis.
  6. I went to a seafood disco last night and pulled a mussel.
  7. Being a hypochondriac will save my life one of these days.
  8. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  9. Dogs will never make good dancers because they all have two left feet.
  10. I’ve just written a new book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.
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BRILLIANT ONE-LINERS

Brilliant one-liners (21-30):

  1. I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
  2. I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  3. The first time I got a universal remote control I thought, “This changes everything!”
  4. I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner as all it was doing was gathering dust.
  5. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
  6. I sent my photograph to a Lonely-Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.
  7. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
  8. I asked my wife whether she was willing to embrace her mistakes. She said, “I married you didn’t I!”
  9. You know you’re in a crazy church when the only tune the organist knows is ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’.
  10. I was going to ask God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Brilliant one-liners (31-35):

  1. I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job but when I got home all the signs were there.
  2. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? She’ll stop at nothing to avoid them!
  3. Did you hear about the guy who suffered from paranoia and low self-esteem? He thought no one important was out to get him.
  4. I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. “How flexible are you?” he inquired. I said, “I can’t do Tuesdays.”
  5. I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was easy really. Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a beard.
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If you enjoyed them, please share:

If you enjoyed these brilliant one-liners, dear reader, please share this blog post on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

So go on, please share this post now. If you could do that for me, I’ll be ever so grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you for your support.

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This hilarious joke is guaranteed to make you laugh

01/24/2025 by

We all must laugh at least once daily, wouldn’t you agree? Well, dear reader, if you’ve yet to laugh today, I think this hilarious joke will just be what you need.

This is a joke guaranteed to make you laugh, and it’s one you can tell in the office without worrying about offending people.

So go on, take a minute, and enjoy it.

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Hilarious Joke:

Standing up to the Angels:

A man dies and suddenly finds himself standing in line at the Pearly Gates waiting for St Peter.

With a cloud-connected iPad in his hand, St Peter is checking the details of each individual standing in line to decide whether they’ve done enough to pass through the gates into Heaven.

When the man gets to the front of the queue, St Peter looks at him and says, “Name please?”

“I’m Jim Thompson”, says the man.

“Hello Jim”, says St Peter, “Can you tell me what you did for a living please?”

Jim hesitated momentarily before saying, “Unfortunately I was out of work and living on welfare.”

“Hmmmmm”, says St Peter rubbing his chin. “Have you done anything recently that has benefited your fellow human beings?”

Jim thought for a minute, and then he said, “Well, when I saw a group of Hells Angels abusing a pretty girl in the street, I walked right up to the ringleader, and getting right into his personal space, nose to nose, looking him dead in the eye, I said to him, ‘You show that girl some respect, boy or you and I will have to sort it out man to man’.”

St Peter tapped something into his iPad and considered the response momentarily. Then he said to Jim, “I’m afraid there’s nothing in your records to confirm what you’ve said. When did it happen?”

“About five minutes ago”, said Jim.

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Please share this joke:

If you enjoyed this hilarious joke, dear reader, then please share it on social media with your friends.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

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25 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile

01/22/2025 by

If you’re looking for some brilliant one-liners, dear reader, I have some gems for you today.

There’s so much on the Internet and so little time to read it all. And what we all need is a good laugh. The problem is that we haven’t got time to read all the longer jokes.

Worry not. Help is at hand. Here are 25 brilliant one-liners guaranteed to make you smile.

Certainly, they all made me smile.

They’ll only consume 30 seconds of your time, and they’re well worth the effort.

And of course, laughter is the best medicine. So rather than take medication, you can have a good laugh instead.

Surely that’s a win-win situation? Go on, enjoy them all now.

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Brilliant one-liners (1-10):

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

If photons have mass does that mean they’re Catholic?

I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.

If I had a dollar for every smart person I know I’d be broke.

A liberal is just a conservative who hasn’t been mugged yet.

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Brilliant one-liners (11-20):

I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.

Can you increase the bounciness of a waterbed by using spring water?

If you can’t beat them, you could always arrange to have them beaten.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

I saw a sign that said, “Watch for Children,” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”

She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So, we compromised and got a puppy.

Why is the day you do your housework, laundry, cooking, and ironing called a day off?

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend actually thinking.

Brilliant one-liners (21-25):

You know they’re a real friend when you walk into their house and your WiFi connects automatically.

I’m great at multitasking; I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

If a woman wants to scare a man, the only question she needs to ask is, “Do you know what day it is today?”

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day to survive. It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

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Please share with your friends:

So did any of these prove to be the brilliant one-liners you’d hoped for, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Thank you.

Brilliant one-liners

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22 bad puns that are so bad they’re funny

01/19/2025 by

If you’re searching for bad puns, this post is for you.

I love puns, as you may have seen in some previous blog posts. The clever use of words always makes me smile. Whether they’re good puns or bad puns, they usually make me laugh.

Today my focus is on bad puns for a change.

So, here are 22 bad puns that reflect on why so many professionals never die.

I hope they brighten your day or, at least, don’t make you groan too much.

Enjoy them all now.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

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Bad Puns: 

  1. Old owls never die they just don’t give a hoot.
  2. Old lawyers never die they just lose their appeal.
  3. Old sculptors never die they just lose their marbles.
  4. Old professors never die they just lose their class.
  5. Old limbo dancers never die they just go under.
  6. Old chemists never die they just fail to react.
  7. Old mathematicians never die they just disintegrate.
  8. Old investors never die they just roll over.
  9. Old printers never die they’re just not the type.
  10. Old sanitation engineers never die they’re just dumped.
  11. Old police officers never die they just cop out.
  12. Old bankers never die they just lose interest.
  13. Old sewage workers never die they just waste away.
  14. Old electricians never die they just lose contact.
  15. Old accountants never die they just lose their figures.
  16. Old photographers never die they just stop developing.
  17. Old doctors never die they just lose their patience.
  18. Old tailors never die they just get stitched up.
  19. Old chauffeurs never die they just lose their drive.
  20. Old quarterbacks never die they just pass away.
  21. Old cleaners never die they just kick the bucket.
  22. Old cooks never die they just get deranged.
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Can you add another one?

On the theme of old professionals never dying, can you add another one to this list?

Maybe you could make one up and entertain our readers? Perhaps a pun related to your profession or hobby? I’ll bet you can, dear reader.

Go on, have a go at writing one of your own, and send it to me via the Contact Page.

The page will then be updated and you’ll get a full acknowledgement on this post for your contribution

I’m confident readers will have lots of great ideas. So go on, let me have them now.

Please share with your friends on social media:

I hope these bad puns made you laugh, dear reader.

However, perhaps you feel that you could use another laugh. If so, click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share it with all your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Your support is appreciated. Thank you.

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3 Really funny jokes to tell your friends today

01/17/2025 by

If you want people to like you, then always have a funny joke to make them laugh. Here are some very funny jokes to tell your friends today.

They all made me laugh, and I hope they’ll make you and your friends laugh too.

Enjoy them all.

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Funny jokes to tell your friends:

1. The infected thumb:

Bill’s away from home on a business trip and, as he’s on expenses, he decides he’ll have a nice three-course meal in a restaurant.

He takes his seat at the table, exchanges a little conversation with the waitress, places his order and then relaxes with a glass of red wine waiting for his food to arrive.

It’s not long before the waitress brings him a nice, warm bowl of clam chowder with crackers. However, he can’t help but notice that her thumb is sticking in the chowder. He’s not happy but he lets it go.

A little later, the waitress arrives with a plate filled with delicious Spaghetti Carbonara but once again, her thumb is immersed in the spaghetti. Again, Bill’s not happy but he lets it go.

Then as he’s looking forward to his dessert, the waitress returns with some hot apple pie, but once again her thumb is sticking in Bill’s food.

“Mam”, says Bill angrily, “every time you bring my food your thumb’s sticking in it. Why is that?”

“Oh I am so sorry sir”, the waitress responds, “but my thumb has an infection and my doctor says I must keep it warm and moist at all times.”

Disgusted by what he’s hearing, Bill snaps angrily, “Well, why don’t you just stick it up your ass?”

Sheepishly the waitress replies, “Where do you think I’ve been putting it when I’m in the kitchen?”

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2. The fishing trip:

Four married men are going on a weekend fishing trip.

They’re exchanging banter in the car on the way to the lake when Jim says, “Guys, you’ve no idea what I had to do to persuade my wife to agree to me joining you on this trip. I’ve had to promise to redecorate the living room and our bedroom next weekend.”

“That’s nothing”, says Mike. “I had to promise my wife that I would build a new deck around the pool area next weekend.”

“You both had it easy”, says Ed. “I had to promise my wife that I’d buy her a new kitchen, as well as pay for her to go fashion shopping in Milan, Italy with her friends next summer.”

They carry on down the highway laughing and joking, but then they realize their friend Vic has yet to say anything.

“Hey Vic”, says Jim, “what did you have to do to get the green light to come with us on this fishing weekend?”

“Not much really”, says Vic, “I just set the alarm for 5.30 am. When it went off, I tapped my wife on the shoulder and said, ‘will you make love with me or should I go fishing?’ to which she responded, ‘take a warm sweater with you, dear.’”

3. The well and the goat:

Two friends, Bert and Mack were out walking one day when they came across an old abandoned well.

Naturally, they were curious as to how deep this well might be, so they dropped a stone down it and listened for the sound of the stone hitting the bottom. But they didn’t hear anything.

So they found a much larger rock and then dropped that down the well but still, they didn’t hear anything.

Clearly, this was a very deep well and they needed something much, much bigger if they were going to hear anything at all.

So Bert and Mack searched around for a while and eventually they found a section of railroad track leaning up against a wall.

“This’ll be perfect”, said Bert.

So between them, they lifted this heavy piece of cast iron and with great effort managed to carry back to the well and drop it down the hole.

As they stood back to listen, a goat suddenly flashed past their eyes and went straight down the well too.

Bert and Mack were still recovering from the shock resulting from what they’d just seen when a farmer appeared.

“Have you boys seen a goat?” asked the farmer.

“Yes”, said Mack, “a goat has just jumped down this well.”

“No, that couldn’t have been my goat”, said the farmer. “Mine was tethered to a heavy length of railroad track.”

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21 Amusing Quotes by David Brent

01/03/2025 by

If Ricky Gervais’s monologue at the Golden Globes 2020 made you cringe, then take a look at some quotes by his alter ego, David Brent. These are even more memorable.

Who could forget the cringe-worthy David Brent from the original UK version of the situation comedy The Office?

When it first hit our screens The Office was original and very funny.

Here are 21 quotes by David Brent to remind you of just what a clever comic creation he was at the time.

These quotes made me smile, and I hope they make you smile too, dear reader.

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21 Quotes by David Brent (1-10):

  1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon and some days you’re the statue.
  2. A good idea is a good idea forever.
  3. There may be no ‘I’ in team but there’s a ‘ME’ if you look hard enough.
  4. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?
  5. Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
  6. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch bringing me more work.
  7. If at first, you don’t succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried.
  8. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
  9. You have to be 100% behind someone before you can stab them in the back.
  10. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven’t understood the seriousness of the situation. 
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21 Quotes by David Brent (11-21):

  1. If you’re gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes, make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
  2. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
  3. Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.
  4. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
  5. Statistics are like a lamp post to a drunken man, more for leaning on than illumination.
  6. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in wintertime he’s got something to eat, and he won’t die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.
  7. I’m a friend first. Boss second. Probably entertainer third.
  8. If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain. Do you know which philosopher said that? Dolly Parton! And people say she’s just a pair of tits.
  9. David Brent is refreshingly laid back for a man with such responsibility.
  10. On a more positive note, the good news is, I’ve been promoted ……. you’re still thinking about the bad news, aren’t you?
  11. I couldn’t come out and go, I’ve got some bad news and some irrelevant news.

Video:

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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