34 corny but very clever one-liners that’ll crack you up

09/17/2025 by

Whenever I post some clever one-liners, I always get an enormous response from readers. Clearly, they’re very popular with you.

So to satisfy demand, I thought I’d collect another batch for your amusement.

Here are 34 definitely corny but still very clever one-liners which I’m confident will crack you up. So enjoy them all and feel free to share this post with your friends. If some of these jokes made you laugh, then they’ll probably make your friends laugh.

However, relax and enjoy them all first.

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Clever one-liners:

  1. A life in politics is full of parties.
  2. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
  3. Coming up with weather puns is a breeze.
  4. I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better.
  5. What do you call a small mother? A minimum.
  6. I met a girl on a dating site and we just clicked.
  7. I did have a joke about vacuums, but it sucked.
  8. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
  9. Pollen is when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
  10. Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
  11. I used to be a shoe salesman until they gave me the boot.
  12. I’ve started sleeping in our fireplace. Now I sleep like a log!
  13. How do you make a hotdog stand? You take the seat away.
  14. I hate negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
  15. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  16. I used to build stairs for a living, it’s an up and down business.
  17. Shout out to people who don’t know what the opposite of in is!
  18. Archaeologists are always broke because their careers lie in ruins.
  19. Claustrophobic people are more productive in thinking outside the box.
  20. What do you call an imaginary color? A pigment of your imagination.
  21. I decided to get some Velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot? 
  22. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.
  23. My sister said she didn’t understand cloning. I said that makes two of us.
  24. My tailor’s happy to make a pair of pants for me or at least, sew it seams.
  25. I got a reversible jacket for my birthday. I can’t wait to see how it turns out.
  26. Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
  27. I wasn’t originally going to get a heart transplant but then I had a change of heart.
  28. Why can’t you take anything balloons say seriously? They’re always full of hot air!
  29. I’ve often heard that “icy” is the easiest word to spell. Looking at it now, I see why.
  30. This guy quit his job at the donut factory because he was fed up with the whole business.
  31. Running in front of a car will make you tired but running behind one is exhausting.
  32. My wife tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she’d just ironed. I watched it all unfold.
  33. A teacher asked her student, “Are you ignorant or just apathetic?” The kid answers, “I don’t know and I don’t care.”
  34. My husband passed away in the hospital when I couldn’t remember his blood type. His last words to me were, “Be positive!”

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So, please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you.

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4 short story funny jokes that’ll brighten your day

09/16/2025 by

If you’re looking for some short story funny jokes, then I have four excellent ones for you today, dear reader.

I’m confident that at least one or two of them will tickle you.

So, take an unofficial break, grab a coffee, relax, and enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

SHORT STORY FUNNY JOKES
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Short story funny jokes:

1. Surprise Party:

Jane had a craving for Heinz beans and unwisely consumed three plates of beans during lunch break at work one day.

Now, on the day in question, it happened to be Jane’s birthday, and when she got home from work, her husband, Jim, met her excitedly at the door.

“Darling, I’ve got a surprise for dinner tonight,” said Jim.

And with that, he blindfolded Jane and led her by the hand through the house, into the dining room, and sat her down at the table.

As Jane sat down, and just as Jim was about to remove her blindfold, she heard the telephone ring in the hall.

“Darling,” said Jim, “bear with me for a second whilst I answer the telephone, but please, please don’t remove your blindfold until I get back. I want to video your reaction for posting on Facebook. No peeking!”

Well, Jane was actually quite grateful for this fortunate interruption because those beans had started to percolate, generating intestinal gases within her that were building up a pressure of such magnitude that she felt like she was about to explode.

She reasoned that Jim would be gone for a few minutes, so she thought it would be safe to seize the opportunity to release this flatulence.

She released it, and it was not only loud but also smelled like a skunk in a garbage dump. It was a truly awful smell.

However, the relief for Jane was instant, and she quickly used her napkin to fan the air vigorously in the hope that the gas would be dispersed by the time Jim returned.

Well, unfortunately, her gas problem didn’t end there, and Jane was forced to release several more minor intestinal explosions, the smell of which was just unimaginably bad.

However, for Jane, the pleasure of releasing all this gas pressure was indescribable. It was just such a relief, so she wafted her napkin as quickly as possible in a desperate attempt to improve the air quality in the dining room before Jim returned.

Within a few minutes, Jim did return, apologising profusely for his absence.

“I hope you’ve not been peeking while I’ve been away,” Jim said playfully.

Jane was quick to confirm she hadn’t.

At this point, Jim removed her blindfold, only to reveal that they were accompanied by 12 dinner guests all seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, as they shouted, “Happy Birthday, Jane!“

2. Strange Bar:

Jake walked into a Manhattan bar, and he sat down at the counter.

He then says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, where can I get some cigarettes?”

“There’s a cigarette machine over there in the corner by the john,” the bartender replies.

So Jake walks over to the machine, and just as he’s about to select his preferred brand of cigarettes, the machine says, “Hey, you’re an idiot!“

Jake is stunned momentarily. Then he thinks, “That’s really not very nice!” So he returns to the counter without any cigarettes.

As he sits on his stool again, he asks the bartender for some peanuts in an attempt to distract himself from his craving for a smoke.

The bartender passes him a bowl of peanuts, and as he does so, Jake hears one of the peanuts say, “Hey buddy, I like the way you’ve styled your hair.“

So Jake says to the bartender, “Hey man, this place is weird. Your cigarette machine insults me, and then the peanuts come onto me. What is this?“

The bartender smiles and replies, “Oh, that’s because the cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.”

3. Communication problem:

Interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, the judge asks, “Mam, what are the grounds for your divorce?“

“About four acres with a nice, detached villa in the middle of the property,” she replies.

“No, mam,” says the judge, “I meant what is the foundation of this case?“

“It’s made of concrete, bricks, and mortar,” the woman responds.

“No, mam,” he continued, “I meant what are your relations like?“

“Well,” says the woman, “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town and two cousins living in the next county.”

The judge thought momentarily and then said, “Do you have a real grudge?“

“No, sir,” the woman replies, “we have a two-car carport, so we’ve never really needed one.“

“Mam, please,” said the judge, trying once again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?“

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets,” the woman replied. “We’re not people who like to listen to music, but the answer to your questions is yes.”

Struggling to maintain his composure, the judge has another try, “Mam, does your husband ever beat you up?“

“Yes, sir,” she responds, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asks, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?“

“Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she says.

“Then why are we here?” the judge responds.

“My husband wants a divorce,” the woman replies. “He says he can’t communicate with me.“

4. Admission to the Kingdom of Heaven:

Music legend Dolly Parton and King Charles, the UK’s monarch, sadly passed away on exactly the same day.

They find themselves standing together at the Pearly Gates in front of St Peter.

St Peter studiously reviews his cloud-connected tablet computer momentarily before saying, “Now, I have some bad news for you, I’m afraid. We’ve had a lot of admissions to Heaven today, so there’s only one place left. Therefore, I must ask you both to give me one good reason why you should be the one to take that place. And of course, the best reason will get the place.”

They glance at each other briefly, and then Dolly opens her blouse quickly to reveal her very impressive assets.

She then says to St Peter, “These are the finest in Creation, and I’m confident the Lord would want the opportunity to admire the results of his excellent work each and every day for eternity.”

“Thank you, Dolly,” says St Peter. He then looks at His Royal Highness, the King, and says, “Your Majesty, what’s your reason?”

Now, right next to the Pearly Gates is a restroom for the convenience not only of St Peter himself but also for every soul standing in line awaiting a decision as to whether they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

His Royal Highness says absolutely nothing in response to St Peter’s question, but he walks into the restroom and flushes the toilet.

He then returns to stand next to Dolly and awaits St Peter’s decision.

St Peter spends a moment considering the matter, and he then says, “Your Majesty, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Naturally, Dolly is less than happy with his decision.

“Now just hold it a minute there, fella!” says Dolly. “I reveal the finest pair ever created, and all he does is flush the John. And then he gets admitted? How can that be right? That’s sexism, surely?”

St Peter smiles at Dolly and says, “I understand why you’re not happy, Dolly, but you must accept that even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair.”

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15 corny jokes you can tell your kids and your friends

09/16/2025 by

Do you enjoy corny jokes, dear reader?

Well, I do, and whenever I hear them, I make a note of them in my journal. Today, I thought I would share a few of them with you.

Here are 15 corny jokes, which I hope will make you smile. If they don’t make you smile, then I’m sure a few of them will appeal to the kids in your life, and your friends, too.

Please take a few moments to enjoy them all and share them with your kids and friends.

CORNY JOKES
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Corny Jokes:

  1. For what was Camelot famous? It’s knight life.
  2. What was Noah’s profession? He was an ark-itect.
  3. How did the yeti feel when he had flu? Abominable.
  4. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his teeth crowned.
  5. A skeleton walks into a bar in Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Give me a beer and a mop.”
  6. What do you get if you cross a dog with a chicken? Pooched eggs.
  7. Which cake lives in a cathedral in Paris? The flapjack of Notre Dame.
  8. What do you get if you cross a vampire with a plumber? A drain in the neck.
  9. What do you get if you cross a chicken with some cement? A bricklayer.
  10. Why are eggs overrated? Because they’re not all they’re cracked up to be.
  11. What’s the difference between a dog with fleas and a bored guest? One’s going to itch and the other’s itching to go.
  12. What’s the difference between a football and a duck? You’ll find one in a huddle and the other in a puddle.
  13. Which cake is served in Heaven? Angel cake.
  14. What game does a wizard octopus love to play? Squidditch.
  15. What did the lovesick cyclops say to his sweetheart? You’re the one-eye adore.

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If any of these corny jokes made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

Share these jokes with the kids in your life, too.

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Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

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33 hilarious cheesy pick-up lines to make you smile

09/13/2025 by

We’ve all been there at some point in our lives, particularly when we’re young.

We’re in a bar or a club and we see someone attractive, who we’d like to get to know a little bit better.

The weapon of choice in such situations is the pick-up or chat-up line as a conversation opener with the intent of engaging that person in the hope that it may lead to a date or even romance.

Sadly there are not many pick-up lines that we can truly look back on with pride though.

Here are 33 hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines that may not stand the test of time but certainly they’ll make you smile right now. Enjoy them all.

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Pick-Up Lines:

  1. Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?
  2. Are you Yoda? Because Yodalicious.
  3. Your hand looks heavy. Can I hold it for you?
  4. Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?
  5. Do you play soccer? Because you’re a keeper!
  6. Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
  7. Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
  8. Hello, you’re so hot a firefighter couldn’t put you out.
  9. I must be in a museum because you’re a work of art.
  10. You’re so lovely, you make me wanna go out and get a job
  11. Hi, I’m writing a phone book. Can I have your number?
  12. I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
  13. Hey, you’re pretty and I’m cute. Together we’d be pretty cute.
  14. I’m not a photographer but I can picture me and you together.
  15. Are you religious? Because you’re the answer to all my prayers.
  16. I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
  17. I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?
  18. Was your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!
  19. I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
  20. Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  21. Can I follow you? Because my mom told me to follow my dreams
  22. You must be a broom because you just swept me off my feet.
  23. Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.
  24. I heard you’re good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking Y
  25. Do you have a band-aid? Because I scraped my knees falling for you.
  26. You really shouldn’t wear makeup. You’re messing with perfection!
  27. I may not be the best-looking guy here but I’m the only one talking to you.
  28. Would you grab my arm, so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel?
  29. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
  30. Do you know if there are any police around here? Cause I’m about to steal your heart.
  31. You look familiar. Didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.
  32. I don’t believe in love at first sight but I’m willing to make an exception in your case.
  33. Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?
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Did any of these hilarious but very cheesy pick-up lines make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. If they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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25 funniest one-liners to make you smile

09/12/2025 by

Here are some of the funniest one-liners I was able to find today. They all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too.

Unfortunately, I was unable to identify the original authors for these inventive and witty lines, so for the moment they are all classified as ‘Author Unknown.’

However, should any reader be able to identify specific authors for individual one-liners, then I’d welcome your advice. I am very keen to add acknowledgements and links wherever I can, so please help.

In the meantime, take a few minutes to enjoy 25 of the funniest one-liners because everyone needs to laugh whenever possible.

FUNNIEST ONE-LINERS
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Funniest one-liners (1-12):

  1. I won $3 million in the lottery this weekend, so I decided to donate a quarter to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
  2. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there; he said he couldn’t complain.
  3. I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Call me playful, but scaring men is so easy.
  4. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
  5. Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
  6. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
  7. It’s easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  8. Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
  9. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
  10. My ideal woman is one who is too naïve to know she’s way out of my league.
  11. She wanted a puppy, but I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.
  12. My girlfriend left me because she couldn’t handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.

Funniest one-liners (13-25):

  1. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
  2. The only knowledge that can hurt you is the knowledge you don’t have.
  3. Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
  4. My husband is on the roof. Only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
  5. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says, “Pint please, and one for the road!”
  6. My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename my cat.
  7. One day, you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.
  8. Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
  9. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50/50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
  10. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
  11. Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times, men avoided asking the way.
  12. “Doctor, there’s a patient on Line 1 who says he’s invisible.” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
  13. The deeper the pit you’re falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly. 
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If any of these one-liners made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

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21 best puns ever and guaranteed to make you smile

09/12/2025 by

Today, I’ve curated some of the best puns ever. Well, I think so.

I love wordplay, especially that form of wordplay that exploits multiple meanings of words for humorous effect.

I think clever puns are brilliant, which is why I’ve been searching the Internet for some of the best ones.

Here are 21 of the best puns I’ve found, so let me know what you think.

As always, when searching the net for wit and wisdom, it’s difficult to confirm the original author. Should you be one of them, dear reader, then please let me know. That way, I can give you full credit for your brilliance.

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Best puns ever:

  1. How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
  2. I hate peer pressure, and you should too.
  3. Ladies, if he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, let that mango.
  4. I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a sh** in days.
  5. I’m a born pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  6. My new girlfriend works at the Zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
  7. A termite walks into a bar and says, “Where’s the bartender?”
  8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
  9. I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
  10. I’ve decided to sell my Hoover. Well, it’s just gathering dust.
  11. What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  12. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. After that, he went downhill fast.
  13. The future, the present, and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  14. A cop knocked on my door and said my dogs were chasing people on bikes, but my dogs don’t even own bikes.
  15. I found a rock yesterday that measured 1760 yards in length. That must be a milestone.
  16. To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing.
  17. This morning, some clown opened the door for me. I thought to myself that’s a nice Jester.
  18. Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can’t tell me that’s a coincidence.
  19. I dreamt I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda, then I realised it was just a Fanta sea.
  20. A wife shouted to her husband that moose were falling from the sky. No, it’s just reindeer, he responded.
  21. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I realised that toucan play that game.

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Were these the best puns ever? Did they make you smile? If so, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

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4 funny international commercials to make you smile

09/12/2025 by

Today I have some very funny international commercials for you.

When it comes to watching television, I find the commercials are usually much better than everything else. Would you agree, dear reader?

I love clever commercials, and funny commercials are always a pleasure to watch.

And the best commercials are memorable because they combine clever and funny. Such commercials really do punch above their weight.

Well, dear reader, if, like me, you enjoy clever and amusing commercials, then I think you might enjoy the ones in the embedded video below.

These are not new commercials, but you will enjoy them, I’m sure.

They made me smile, so I hope they brighten up your day too.

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4 FUNNY INTERNATIONAL COMMERCIALS

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I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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39 Clever one-liners guaranteed to get your friends laughing

09/11/2025 by

You may not be a stand-up comedian, dear reader, but if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you like to have a few clever one-liners up your sleeve ready to amuse your friends.

It’s always helpful to have a few good one-liner jokes in your back pocket, wouldn’t you agree?

Certainly, a funny joke never fails to break the ice in social situations. That’s why I collect them in my journal.

And I was asked recently if I would go through my collection and share a few more with readers. So today, I’ve done that just for you.

Next time you’re at a loss for words, try out one or two of these clever one-liners and watch how your popularity grows.

Enjoy them all, and then share them with your friends.

CLEVER ONE-LINERS
Funniest one-liners
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Clever one-liners (1-10):

  1. I doubt; therefore, I might be.
  2. Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  3. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.
  4. Don’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
  5. I want patience, – AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
  6. Today’s a day for firm decisions! Or is it?
  7. If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
  8. Despite the cost of living, it remains popular.
  9. What’s worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.
  10. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.

Clever one-liners (11-20):

  1. Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand!
  2. If talk is cheap, why is hiring a lawyer so expensive?
  3. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  4. Why do bees hum? Because they can’t remember the lyrics.
  5. My math teacher called me average. Which I think is mean.
  6. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it is on my list.
  7. Every organization will get results consistent with its design.
  8. Red meat’s not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat’s bad for you.
  9. I used to have an hourglass figure, but then the sand shifted.
  10. If at first, you don’t succeed, you can always redefine success.

Clever one-liners (21-30):

  1. If everything’s coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
  2. Listen, girl, do you know what this dress is made of? Boyfriend material.
  3. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So, study hard and be evil.
  4. A giant fly attacked the police station. They had to call a SWAT team.
  5. If you’ve got a clear conscience, you’ve probably got a bad memory too.
  6. There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
  7. They say money can’t buy happiness, but it’s just bought me this Happy Meal.
  8. Drive with excessive speed, and you won’t need to worry about your cholesterol.
  9. If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
  10. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Clever one-liners (31-39):

  1. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.
  2. Delinquents are always young men because yob is just boy spelt backwards.
  3. The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. The problem is that no one runs in your family.
  4. Any married person should forget their mistakes. No use in two people remembering the same thing.
  5. When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember that the fire department usually uses water.
  6. Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock-climbing catastrophe.
  7. When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I reminded him that he said he didn’t hire stupid people.
  8. At every party, there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they’re usually married to each other.
  9. What’s the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale? A northern fairy tale begins, ‘Once upon a time…’ A southern fairy tale begins, ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’
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Funniest One-liners: 66 silly jokes to tickle you

09/11/2025 by

If you’re looking for a laugh, here is a collection of silly jokes, corny puns, and some of the funniest one-liners you will read today.

Yes, they’re all a bit corny, but I’m confident many of them will tickle you, too.

So, take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And don’t forget that everyone needs a little laughter in their lives.

So, please pass them on.

Thank you, dear reader.

FUNNIEST ONE-LINERS
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Funniest one-liners (1-22):

  1. Add insult to injury; sign someone’s cast.
  2. You mustn’t spell part backwards. It’s a trap.
  3. 6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
  4. If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
  5. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  6. One exotic bird can’t make a pun but toucan.
  7. Just when you think you’ve got a good life, it’s broken.
  8. Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  9. I’m suffering from schizophrenia, but I’m good people.
  10. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s on my list.
  11. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  12. What do dogs do when watching a DVD? Press paws.
  13. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
  14. I went to a seafood disco, and I ended up pulling a mussel.
  15. Two WiFi engineers got married. The reception was fantastic.
  16. How do scientists freshen their breath? With experi-mints!
  17. My wife’s bakery burned down last night. Her business is toast.
  18. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
  19. I bought my gun from a guy called T-Rex. He was a small arms dealer.
  20. I got fired from my job as a set designer. So I left without making a scene.
  21. What’s the easiest way to burn 2,000 calories? You leave a tray of brownies in the oven while you’re taking a nap.
  22. A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.

Funniest one-liners (23-44):

  1. How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.
  2. What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
  3. How do you count cows? With a cow-culator.
  4. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.
  5. When is a door not a door? When it’s ajar.
  6. What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.
  7. What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.
  8. I was going to tell a pizza joke, but it’s too cheesy.
  9. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  10. I’m on a whisky diet, and I’ve lost three days already.
  11. How do you tell if a vampire’s sick? Check if he’s coffin.
  12. How many people are buried in the cemetery? All of them.
  13. What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
  14. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  15. The cannibal arrived late for the buffet, so he was given the cold shoulder.
  16. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  18. Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
  19. Why did the girl give her pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.
  20. What makes long division such hard work? All those numerals you have to carry.
  21. I dreamt I was eating a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone.
  22. Cinderella tried out for the basketball team at high school, but she kept running away from the ball.

Funniest one-liners (45-66):

  1. What do you call a sad cow? A blue moo.
  2. What has a bottom at the top? Your legs.
  3. How can you see flying saucers? Trip up a waiter.
  4. What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
  5. Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
  6. What did the cake say to the fork? You want a piece of me?
  7. Who ruled France until he exploded? Napoleon Blownapart.
  8. Why did the bee start talking poetry? It was waxing lyrical.
  9. Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  10. Who went into the tiger’s den and came out alive? The tiger.
  11. How does fast light travel? The same way that slow light travels.
  12. What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a camera? A snapshot.
  13. What’s the longest piece of furniture in the world? A multiplication table.
  14. What do you get if you cross a hula dancer with a boxer? A Hawaiian punch.
  15. What did the waiter say to the skunk? Sorry, I can’t take your odour.
  16. She was only a plumber’s daughter, but she sure gave my heart a wrench.
  17. What’s brown and hairy and wears sunglasses? A coconut on holiday.
  18. What do you get if you cross a compass with a shellfish? A guided mussel.
  19. Why did the robber jump in the bathtub? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  20. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
  21. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarterback.
  22. Why is a room full of married people empty? Because there isn’t a single person in it.
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11 great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl

09/11/2025 by
11 Great One-Liner Jokes

Here are another 11 one-liners brought to my attention by readers, which I thought I’d share with you.

I can’t be sure of their origins, but they all made me smile, and I hope they brighten your day, too, dear reader.

These are great one-liner jokes that will make your toes curl, I’m sure. I hope so anyway.

Enjoy them all.

GREAT ONE-LINER JOKES
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Great one-liner jokes:

  1. A girl’s thoughts when she starts dating a guy – Date #1: That’s a really nice shirt. Date #2: Wow. That’s another nice shirt. Date #3: That’s the shirt he wore on our first date. Date #4: OK, he’s only got two decent shirts.
  2. The four sweetest words you can use when people didn’t listen to you? I told you so!
  3. My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I definitely laugh more.
  4. I prefer living in the past. At least the cost of housing was much cheaper.
  5. Military personnel can be charged for losing equipment. In the army you’ll pay $150 for losing your rifle. That explains why, in the Navy, a captain will always go down with his ship.
  6. I gave my wife the silent treatment for an entire week. At the end of it she said to me, “It’s been nice this week, we’ve really been getting on well.”
  7. There’s a new support group for compulsive talkers. It’s called On Anon.
  8. I’ve just found the worst page in my dictionary. The content is disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, disingenuous and disreputable.
  9. Why bother keeping up with the Joneses when you could drag them down to your level. Surely it’s less expensive that way?
  10. For Christmas or birthdays, buy your kids a set of batteries and just put a note inside saying “Toys not included.”
  11. My favourite hobby is going down to the beach and burying metal objects that have the words “Get a Life” inscribed on them.

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If any of these great one-liner jokes made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

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It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

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