5 Really funny jokes I know you’ll just love

02/11/2026 by

If you’re looking for some really funny jokes, then I’ve got five good ones today. I’m confident you’ll love them all.

So take a few moments to enjoy them, and then please pass them on to your friends.

Really funny jokes:

1. A companion for Adam:

Adam was wandering around the Garden of Eden, feeling very lonely.

So he went to God and said, “Lord, I’m lonely. I’ve got no one to talk to.”

God smiled at Adam and said, “I was thinking about giving you a companion called Woman.”

“Woman?” Adam responded, quizzically.

“Yes”, said God. “She’ll cook for you; clean for you; and wash your clothes. She’ll bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to help care for them. She’ll agree to whatever you say. She’ll never nag you and always admit when she’s wrong. She won’t bear a grudge, and she’ll dress to please you. And of course, she’ll make love to you whenever you want her to.”

“Wow,”  said Adam. “That sounds fantastic. How much would a woman like that cost me?”

“An arm and a leg,”  God replied.

“Oh!” said Adam. “What can I get for a rib?”

2. Following orders:

At Fort Leavenworth, three platoon sergeants are standing together on the parade ground, discussing which one of them has the bravest men.

Sergeant O’Malley calls one of his men over and says, “Climb that flagpole, and when you get to the top, jump off. That’s an order, soldier!”

The soldier follows the order and, in jumping off, breaks his leg.

Sergeant O’Malley looks at his colleagues and says, “That’s how tough my men are.”

Not to be outdone, Sergeant Rivera calls over one of his men and says, “Climb onto the roof of the administration block over there, and when you get on the roof, jump off. That’s an order, soldier!”

The soldier follows the order and, in jumping off, breaks both legs.

Sergeant Rivera looks at his colleagues and says, “I think that proves my men are tougher.”

Finally, Sergeant Kowalski calls over one of his men and says, “Get in that helicopter over there, and when the pilot gets to 1,000 feet, jump out. That’s an order, soldier!

The soldier looks at him and laughs before replying, “Screw you, sergeant. You can stick your order where the sun don’t shine.”

Sergeant Kowalski looks at his colleagues and says, “Gentlemen, I think you’ll agree; that is real bravery!”

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3. Accidental transposition:

A hiker staggers into a pub in a remote part of County Mayo, Ireland. He’s shaken, his clothes are torn, and he’s full of scratches.

“What has happened to you?” the bartender asks, as he pours a large Bushmills for the hiker to help with the shock.

The hiker sips his whiskey and then says, “I was attacked by a leopard!“

“Really?” says the bartender.

“Yes, really! A leopard! In Ireland!” the hiker responds. He takes another sip of whiskey and then says, “Naturally, I tried to run, but you can’t outrun a leopard, can you?“

“No,”  the bartender responds sympathetically, before saying. “So, what happened then?”

“Well,” says the hiker, “it knocked me to the ground; we rolled around a bit, but weirdly enough, it then just gave me a sad look and left.“

“Ah, you met Father Brennan,” the bartender responds knowingly.

“What do you mean?” asks the hiker, confused.

“Father Brennan was our parish priest,” says the bartender. “He was a kind-hearted man, totally committed to serving his congregation. One day, a year or so ago, he was out walking, and he found a lamp with a genie. He was granted a wish, and he said that all he wanted was to be a good shepherd to the community.”

Looking slightly puzzled, the hiker said, “I don’t understand; what’s a shepherd got to do with it?”

“Ah, well, there you have it,” says the bartender, “You have to be careful when you’re prone to spoonerisms.”

4. Going away with the boss:

George called his wife one day from the office and said, “Honey, I’ve been asked to go fishing on a lake up in Wyoming with my boss and a couple of his friends, and we’re leaving tonight. We’ll be away for the rest of the week.”

“Really?” his wife, Jane, responded.

“Look, I know it’s a bit short notice,” George responded, “but this will be a great opportunity for me to schmooze with the boss and press for that promotion I’ve been chasing.”

“OK, I guess I’ll just have to live with it then,” said Jane.

“I’ll need your help, though,” said George. “I need you to pack enough clothes for the rest of the week and set out my rod and tackle box. I’ll stop by and collect them later. Oh, can you pack my new blue silk pyjamas too please?”

Jane thought his last request was a little suspicious, but she did as he asked.

When George returned from his trip, Jane asked him how it had gone.

“I’m a bit tired,”  said George, “but otherwise, it was a great trip.”

“Did you catch many fish?” Jane inquired.

“Oh, yes!” George responded. “The fish were biting, and I caught more than anyone else. But, how come you didn’t pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked?”

“I did, honey!” said Jane. “They were in your tackle box.”

Phil Sutton

5. The monkey and the lion:

It was a warm afternoon in Serengeti National Park.

Two monkeys were sitting high in a tall tree, watching a lion sleep peacefully on the ground far below.

One of the monkeys said to the other, “Hey, I dare you to go down and give that lion a kick in the butt.”

The other monkey was always up for a dare, and so he agreed immediately.

“Yes, I can do that,”  said the monkey. And with that, he ran down the tree.

Once on the ground, he walked around the lion to check if it was still asleep. Then he went to the rear of the lion and kicked it as hard as he could in the butt.

Woken suddenly, the lion roared, and the monkey started running as fast as he could.

The lion was angry and gave chase immediately.

Needless to say, the lion was fast, and it didn’t take long for it to get within fifty yards of the monkey.

Realizing it needed to act fast if it wasn’t to be eaten, the monkey picked up a newspaper that had been discarded by tourists.

The monkey then sat on a tree stump, hid behind the newspaper, and pretended to read it.

Moments later, the lion arrived and said, “Excuse me, did you see a monkey pass this way?”

“Do you mean the one that kicked the lion in the butt?” the monkey responded.

“Oh, no!” groaned the lion. “It’s not in the papers already, is it?”

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, were these really funny jokes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

I appreciate your support.

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7 best dad jokes that’ll tickle you silly

02/09/2026 by

Are you looking for some of the best dad jokes, dear reader?

Well, take a look at these seven on offer today. Certainly, they’re all ‘full groan”.

I hope they make you smile.

Please feel free to share them.

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Best dad jokes:

1. The shopping trip:

Wilma was an 80-year-old lady out shopping with her long-suffering, elderly husband, Jack.

In the challenging economic times in which they now live, Wilma and Jack were finding that their budget was a bit tight.

So, in desperation, Wilma resorts to shoplifting.

Unfortunately for her, she gets caught in the act, and she finds herself standing in front of a judge.

“Mam, could you tell me exactly what it was you stole?” asked the judge.

“Yes, your honour,” Wilma responded. “I stole a can of peaches.”

“And how many peaches were in the can?” the judge continued.

“Your honour, I believe it was six,” said Wilma.

“Then I’ll sentence you to six days in jail,” said the judge.

Before the judge could utter another word, Jack quickly interjected and said, “Your honour, you should also be aware that she stole a family-sized can of peas too.”

2. Little Johnny Joke:

Little Johnny lived in Quebec with his parents.

Johnny loved to hear his parents talk about family traditions and, in particular, the exploits of his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather when they were all young men.

Johnny’s favourite story was the one about each of them walking on water on their 18th birthday.

Eventually around comes Johnny’s 18th birthday, and he’s determined to emulate what his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were able to achieve, and that was walking across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So, on his birthday, Johnny sets off for that bar with his friend Jim.

Johnny steps on the water first and quickly finds himself submerged and struggling to swim back to the bank, where he’s helped by Jim.

Johnny’s not happy, and when he gets home, he challenges his mother about the truth of all those family stories.

“It’s my 18th birthday, Ma,” said Johnny. “If those stories were true, how come I couldn’t walk on water?“

“Johnny,” his mother responded. “It’s August! Your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were all born in January when the lake is frozen.”

3. Gotcha!

Michael Rubinstein is a wealthy Manhattan art dealer.

Late one afternoon, he gets a phone call from his attorney, Jack Greenbaum.

“Hey, Michael,” says Jack, “I have some good news, and I have some bad news for you.”

“Oh, Jack, I’m having a lousy day,” Michael responds. “Cheer me up with some good news first.”

“Well,” says Jack, “I met with your wife earlier, and she informs me that she’s invested $5,000 in two pictures that she believes will bring her 20 million dollars. And I think she’s right.”

“Wow,” says Michael, “it seems my wife’s got a good head for business. So, what’s the bad news?”

“The pictures are of you in an Acapulco hotel room with your secretary,” says Jack, “when you told your wife you were in Europe on business.”

4. Unintended consequences:

Pete and Zak were racing down the highway on Pete’s motorcycle.

Now Pete was wearing a leather jacket, but the zip was broken, so the jacket was open. Eventually, Pete pulled over and said to Zak, “Listen, Buddy, with my jacket open, the cold weather is really starting to get to me. It’s freezing.”

Zak suggested he put his jacket on back to front so his chest would be covered.

Pete did as suggested, and the two of them then got back on the bike and off they went at high speed.

A couple of miles down the road, Pete took a bend at high speed, misjudged the manoeuvre, and crashed into a tree.

A farmer, who’d been working in the field nearby, was the first on the scene.

Very soon after, a highway patrolman arrived.

The cop says to the farmer, “Any signs of life?”

“Well,” said the farmer, “the guy riding the bike was moaning until I twisted his head to try and get it round the right way.”

5. Bad news:

A group of husbands are all waiting outside the maternity ward whilst their wives are all in labour.

Eventually, the ward sister comes out and says to the first guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“Now, that’s ironic,” says the guy, “because I work for Minnesota Twins.”

The ward sister then says to the second guy, “I got some news for you too. You’re the father of triplets. Congratulations!”

“Now, that’s incredible,” says the guy, “because I work for the 3M company.”

The ward sister smiles at the third guy and then says, “Believe it or not, you’re now the father of quadruplets. Congratulations!”

“Well, ain’t that a coincidence,” says the guy, “because I work for the Four Seasons Hotel.”

At this point, the fourth guy passes out on the floor.

The ward sister and her colleagues rush to his aid and get him back on his feet. “Are you alright?” says the ward sister.

“I’m afraid of the news you’re about to tell me,” says the guy, “I work for 7Up!”

6. Language learning:

Jim was learning Spanish, and he went off to Mexico for some deep immersion in using the language.

However, he decided it might be useful to hire a Mexican guide to help him with conversation.

As they are walking through Tijuana, Jim notices an enormous fly, and he says to his guide, “Jose, mira! El mosca.”

Jose smiles benevolently and says, “No, Senor, la mosca. Es feminina.”

“Really?” says Jim. “You can actually see that from here?”

7. Magic glasses:

Bill is browsing in a joke shop looking for a novelty gift when the shop owner says to him, “If you’re looking for something unusual, I’ve got just the thing.”

“And what’s that?” asks Bill.

“Magic glasses,” said the owner. “They cost $500 but, believe me, they’re worth every cent.”

The owner then hands Bill a pair of these glasses, and he tries them on.

Well, he can’t believe what he’s seeing. The owner now appears completely naked.

Bill removes the glasses to check, and sure enough, without them, the owner is fully clothed. He puts them on again, and he sees the owner naked once more.

“They’re amazing,” said Bill. “I’ll take them.”

Bill leaves the shop wearing the glasses and then walks down Main Street.

Everyone he passes appears completely naked.

Bill is so pleased with his purchase that he decides to surprise his wife at home before returning to the office.

Bill’s still wearing the glasses when he walks into their living room.

Sitting on the sofa, he sees both his wife and his neighbour both completely naked.

They both recoil in horror on suddenly seeing Bill.

Bill then takes off the glasses, only for them both to still appear naked.

“Well, I’ll be damned!” said Bill. “I’ve had them for less than half an hour, and they’re already faulty.”

Phil Sutton

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So dear reader, were any of these the best dad jokes? Was this post worth a little piece of your time? I do hope so.

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

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Thank you for your support.

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15 amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor

02/06/2026 by

Today, I am exploring amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor.

The late Zsa Zsa Gabor was an actress and socialite known for her luxurious taste, glamorous sense of style, and series of high-profile marriages to wealthy men. She was married nine times.

Born in Hungary to parents of Jewish heritage, she was crowned Miss Hungary in 1936.

She began her stage career in Vienna before leaving for the United States in 1941.

With her strong personality, grace, and charm, she became a much sought-after actress and was highly regarded for her European flair and style.

Zsa Zsa Gabor never failed to speak her mind, particularly when it came to matters of men, marriage, and celebrity, and she was well known for her witty remarks and memorable one-liners.

Her sisters were the actresses Eva Gabor and Magda Gabor.

She was a Hollywood legend, so let’s remember some of her most memorable quips with what I think are 15 very amusing quotes.

amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Amusing quotes by Zsa Zsa Gabor:

  1. I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  2. My husband said it was him or the cat. I miss him sometimes.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  3. How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own? ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  4. I’m a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  5. I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  6. There is no diet for a big ego.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  7. A girl must marry for love and keep on marrying until she finds it. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  8. Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  9. When in trouble, take a bath and wash your hair.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  10. Any woman who diets all the time can’t help but be grouchy. Nobody can be amusing or entertaining on a diet.~Zsa Zsa Gabor 
  11. I believe in large families. Every woman should have at least three husbands.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  12. A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  13. I love the intellectual type. They know everything and suspect nothing. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  14. The only place men want depth in their women is in her décolletage. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
  15. I always said marriage should be a fifty-fifty proposition. He should be at least fifty years old and have at least fifty million dollars.~Zsa Zsa Gabor
Phil Sutton

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You did? I hope so anyway.

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How to make an impression : Job Interview Tips

02/03/2026 by

Today’s theme is how to make an impression.

As the old saying goes, you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

These days, hiring managers are spoilt for choice when interviewing for any job regarded as a decent opportunity. In fact, unless the job is a real stinker, they’ll usually get hundreds of applicants.

True, they won’t interview them all, but they’ll interview enough for it to be important for you to make a memorable impression on them if you’re to have any chance at all.

Good candidates will know this and make sure they’ve researched job interview tips beforehand.

So dear reader, if you’ve found this page via a search engine, are you looking for some job interview tips?

If you’ve got a job interview anytime soon, then naturally you’ll want a few pointers on how to perform to the best of your ability. You’ll not only want to showcase your skills but also leave an impression on the interviewer that lasts long after you’ve left the interview room.

Don’t forget, though, the impression you leave can be a good one, but it can also be a bad one. And leaving a bad one is the last thing you want to do, assuming you really want the job.

The embedded video offers some useful job interview tips, making its points with irony. The video made me smile, and I hope it brightens your day too.

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How to make an impression:

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this article and the funny video, dear reader, then please share it with your friends on social media.

Share the fun, and everyone wins.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

And if you fancy some more laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Phil Sutton

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

How to make an impression, How to make an impression, How to make an impression

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5 short funny story jokes to brighten your day

02/01/2026 by

Here are five short funny story jokes to brighten your day.

They all tickled me, and I hope they make you smile, too.

Feel free to pass them on.

SHORT FUNNY STORY JOKES

Short funny story jokes:

1. Birthday surprise:

Mike was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, Jill, as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Since Jill’s birthday was not too far off, Mike asked her what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be eight again,” Jill replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of Jill’s Birthday, Mike got up early and made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops.

After breakfast, Mike took Jill to the Adventure World theme park.

What a day they had. Mike put Jill on every thrilling ride in the park. First, it was the Death Slide, then the Wall of Fear, then the Log Flume and finally the Screaming Roller Coaster. And after the rides, they went to see the Dolphin Show.

Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park, exhausted.

Jill’s head was reeling, and her stomach felt upside down.

However, Mike wasn’t finished. He then took Jill to McDonald’s, where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to see a Disney movie, with popcorn, soda pop, and her favourite candy. Mike hoped Jill would see it all as a fabulous adventure and a bit like being eight again.

Finally, they staggered home and collapsed into bed, tired and weary.

At this point, Mike leaned over to Jill with a big smile on his face and asked lovingly, “Well, dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes opened slowly, one at a time, and her expression changed suddenly.

“I was referring to my dress size, you idiot,” Jill responded sarcastically

Moral of the Story: Even if a man’s listening, he’ll still get it wrong.

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2. Cross-eyed Cattle:

One day, a Texan farmer, old Bert McKinley, was tending his beloved cattle on his ranch. As he was checking them all carefully, he noticed that one of the animals had gone completely cross-eyed.

So, he asked a veterinarian friend of his to come to the ranch to examine the cow and see if anything could be done.

The vet soon arrived and, having taken one quick look at the cow, he removed a long rubber tube from his bag and then inserted it into the cow’s butt. He then began blowing hard into the tube until the cow’s eyes began to straighten out.

The vet then charged the old farmer a hundred dollars for his work and went on his way.

About a week later, farmer McKinley was working with one of his ranch hands when he noticed that the same cow was cross-eyed again.

Having seen how the vet had corrected the problem, farmer McKinley decided he could save one hundred dollars by doing the work himself.

So he asked the ranch hand to get him a length of rubber tubing, and together they inserted it into the animal’s butt.

The farmer then put his lips to the tube and started to blow as hard as he could.

Unfortunately, nothing happened. So farmer McKinley asked his ranch hand to give it a try.

Before he did anything, the ranch hand removed the tube from the animal, turned it around, and then put re-inserted it into the cow’s butt.

As the ranch hand was about to start blowing, the old farmer said, “What are you doing?“

“Well,” said the ranch hand, “It wouldn’t be very hygienic to use the side that you used with your lips.“

3. Lateral thinking:

A game warden is doing his rounds around the lake when he spots a guy carrying what appears to be a bucket full of fish.

“Hey, buddy,” shouts the game warden. “Do you have a valid permit to catch those fish?”

“No, sir, I don’t have a permit,” the guy responds sheepishly. “But, these are my own pet fish.”

“PET FISH?” the game warden exclaims. “What the hell do you mean, pet fish?”

“Well, back home, I only have a tiny pond in my yard,” says the guy. “So, every night I bring them down here to allow them to swim around and get some exercise. I give them half an hour then I whistle, and they all jump back in the bucket.”

“What a load of baloney,” says the game warden. “Fish are not like dogs. They don’t respond to someone whistling.”

The guy thinks hard momentarily, and then he says, “I can show you if you like.”

“Really?” says the game warden, quizzically. “Right, Whistling Jack Smith, you show me!”

So, they walk back down to the lake, and the guy tips the bucket and pours the fish back into the water.

He then stands there for what seems like an age.

Eventually, wondering what’s going on, the game warden says, “Well?”

“Well, what?” the guy responds.

“Call them back,” says the game warden.

“Call who back?” says the guy.

“The fish!” says the game warden, getting increasingly exasperated.

“Fish?” the guy responds, looking a little puzzled. “What fish?”

Moral of the Story: To prove guilt, you’ll need evidence.

Phil Sutton

4. The blind man:

Two nuns were asked by the Mother Superior to paint the common room in the convent.

Now they were under strict instructions from the Mother Superior to ensure that they didn’t get paint on their habits.

So, as they were painting behind a closed door, they decided to carry out their work completely naked.

They were working away, making really good progress, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Sister Bernadette shouted.

“It’s the blind man,” came the reply.

The two nuns looked at each other and agreed that if the man was blind, the fact that they were naked shouldn’t make any difference.

So, Sister Bernadette went over to open the door.

“Wow!” the guy exclaims, “Great body, sister! Where do you want me to put the blinds?”

Moral of the Story: Making assumptions can prove costly.

5. The IRS Audit:

Jim Mooney had been retired for a few years when suddenly he received a summons one day from the IRS.

He’s been selected randomly for a tax audit, so he decides it might be wise if he takes his attorney with him.

Unsurprised by the attorney’s presence, the IRS auditor explains the procedure and then says to Jim, “Mr Mooney, we have been reviewing your affairs, and it appears that you have an extravagant lifestyle and yet you’re not in full-time employment nor do you have any other obvious sources of income. You’ve explained this by saying that you win money gambling. Well, sir, I have to tell you, the IRS doesn’t believe that’s a credible explanation.”

“Well, I am a skilled gambler,” says Jim, “and I can prove it to you if you’re willing to participate in a wager with me.”

The IRS auditor considers this proposition momentarily and then says, “Yes, I’m willing to give that a try, so go ahead.”

“Right,” says Jim, “I’ll bet you one thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The IRS auditor considers this carefully and decides that it’s impossible.

“OK then, Mr Mooney,” he says, “You have a bet.”

At this point, and to the IRS auditor’s great surprise, Jim removes his glass eye and then bites it.

The auditor sits there in stunned silence,

Jim then says, “I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”

Mr Mooney isn’t blind, so he can’t have another glass eye, thinks the auditor. That’s got to be impossible, surely? So, the auditor accepts the bet.

So, Jim removes his dentures and then bites his good eye.

The auditor is stunned, once again, as he now realizes he’s lost three grand and Jim has his attorney as a witness. Naturally, the auditor is starting to get a little nervous.

“Want to go again?” asks Jim

“What do you have in mind now?” asks the auditor.

Jim smiles and says, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on this side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket next to your chair, without a single drop going anywhere in between.”

The auditor, realising now that he’s dealing with a wily old fox, is feeling very cautious. However, he thinks carefully about the proposition, and he decides there’s no way this old guy could manage that stunt, so he agrees.

Jim stands in front of the desk, lowers his zipper, and strains mightily, but the trajectory of his pee fails to reach the wastebasket and splashes all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor is both ecstatic and relieved. He’s just turned a major loss into a huge win for him.

However, Jim’s attorney shouts out in obvious pain and puts his head in his hands, face down on the auditor’s desk.

 “What’s the matter?” asked the auditor.

“When my client asked me to attend this audit today,” the attorney responded, “he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”

Moral of the Story: Don’t mess with old folks!

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Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find these funny story jokes as amusing as you’d hoped? Certainly, I hope they all made you laugh.

Perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, please click on the links below.

And if you did enjoy this post then please share it with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone’s a winner.

Your support is truly appreciated.

Thank you.

More fun you might enjoy:

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7 Good jokes guaranteed to make you smile

01/31/2026 by

If you’re looking for some good jokes, then look no further, dear reader. I have seven very good jokes for you today.

They all made me laugh out loud, and I’m confident they’ll amuse you too.

So enjoy them all now.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Good jokes:

1. The duck hunter:

Dave was a keen duck hunter, and he’d been looking to buy a new bird dog for quite a while.

Dave’s search ended when he found an amazing dog that could walk on water to retrieve a duck.

Naturally, Dave was pleased with his discovery, but he was sure that his friends wouldn’t believe he’d found a dog that could walk on water.

So he decided to break the news to his friend Paul, a pessimist who was rarely impressed by anything.

Hoping that he might impress Paul, Dave invited him on a hunting trip to experience the dog firsthand.

However, Dave didn’t mention the dog’s special talent, as he wanted Paul to see it himself.

Arriving in the woods, the two men and the dog found a suitable spot by the lake and waited for some ducks to appear. And it wasn’t long before some ducks flew overhead.

Both men fired their shotguns, and a duck fell from the sky and landed on the lake.

The dog responded by walking across the water, without sinking and retrieving the duck. Apart from the soles of its feet, the dog didn’t get wet at all.

This continued throughout the day.

Each time a duck fell, the dog retrieved it by walking across the water without getting wet.

Determined to remain unimpressed, Paul observed everything, but he didn’t say a word.

On the drive home, Dave couldn’t resist it any longer, and he said to Paul, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog, Paul?”

“Yes, I did,” said Paul. “He can’t swim.”

2. Rookie error:

Jane is driving along Interstate 5 when she accidentally crashes into a guy driving a Porsche.

The guy immediately gets out of his Porsche and starts yelling at Jane and trying to intimidate her.

“Are you blind or something?” yells the guy. “Why didn’t you look where you were going?“

As luck would have it, Jane has a bottle of Jack Daniels on her rear seat, and she suggests to the guy that he takes a couple of swigs to calm his nerves.

The guy gratefully grabs the whiskey bottle and takes a long swig, pauses momentarily, and then takes another.

Just as he’s starting to calm down, a Highway Patrol officer appears on the scene, while the guy still has the whiskey bottle in his hand.

“Right,” says the Highway Patrol officer, “What’s happened here?”

Jane smiles demurely at the officer and says, “Officer, there’s been an accident because this guy’s been drinking.”

Moral of the Story: If you think you can intimidate women, you’d be wise to think again.

3. Down on the farm

One day, a farmer was tending his livestock when he noticed one of his cows was completely cross-eyed.

Naturally, being concerned, the farmer called a veterinarian and asked him to come and look at the cow.

The vet arrives at the farm, takes one look at the cow, and then sticks a rubber tube up the cow’s butt.

After a few moments, the vet puts the other end of the tube in his mouth and starts blowing hard.

Within a few seconds of blowing, the cow’s eyes completely straightened out.

The vet then charges the farmer $150 for his service and then leaves the farm to move on to his next appointment.

About a week later, another one of the farmer’s cows appears to be cross-eyed.

Well, the farmer doesn’t want to spend another $150 when he now knows what to do.

So, he finds a rubber tube and then calls his farmhand over to help him.

Together, they proceed to insert the tube into the cow’s butt.

The farmer then puts his lips on the tube and starts to blow. However, not being as young as he once was, the farmer can’t quite blow hard enough, and nothing happens.

So, he asks the farmhand to give it a try.

The farmhand removes the tube, turns it around, and then inserts it back into the cow’s butt. He then starts to blow hard.

“What are you doing?” the horrified farmer yells.

The farmhand gives him a puzzled look and then says, “Well, I wasn’t gonna use the side that you put in your mouth.”

Phil Sutton

4. Logic class:

Bubba and Jim Bob felt they weren’t going anywhere in life, so they decided to go to college to improve their situation.

Neither of them is very bright, so they decide to seek advice from the college principal for guidance on courses for which they’d be best suited.

Bubba goes to see the principal first, and, after a short conversation, the principal suggests he take the Logic course.

“What’s Logic?” asks Bubba.

“Well, it might be easier if I gave you an example,” says the principal. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“Well, yes, I do,” Bubba responds.

“Right,” says the principal. “If you own a Weed Eater, then it would be safe for me to assume you have a yard.”

“Wow,” says Bubba, “you’re right.”

“If you have a yard,” says the principal, “logic would suggest you also have a house.”

“Incredible,” says Bubba, “you’re right again.”

The principal continues, “And since you have a house, logic suggests you have a wife too.”

“Yes,” says Bubba, “that’s right, her name’s Daisy.”

“If you have a wife,” says the principal, “then you probably have children too.”

“I do,” says Bubba, “I have two kids, Willy and Maisy.”

“Right,” says the principal. “Then logically, it follows that you’re heterosexual.”

“Well, I’ll be,” says Bubba. “you’re right and you worked all that out from Logic. I can’t wait to start the Logic class.”

Bubba walks out of the principal’s office feeling ten feet tall and Jim Bob is there waiting to hear what happened.

“So, what class will you take?” asks Jim Bob.

“I’m taking the Logic class,” Bubba responds.

“What’s Logic?” asks Jim Bob.

“Well, it’ll be better if I explain it with an example,” says Bubba.

“Go on then,” says Jim Bob

“Right,” says Bubba. “Do you own a Weed Eater?“

“No,” Jim Bob replies.

“Then you’re gay,” says Bubba.

5. Tragic loss:

In 1912, a ship sailed from San Diego, heading for the port of Lázaro Cárdenas, Mexico, with a cargo of 20,000 jars of Hellmann’s mayonnaise.

The cargo was intended for the celebrations to commemorate the 50th anniversary of Mexico’s famous victory over the Second French Empire at the Battle of Puebla in 1862.

This would have been the largest shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico, had it not been for the ship sinking in rough seas before it could reach its intended destination.

Such was the popularity of Hellman’s famous condiment in Mexico at the time that the people were devastated, and a National Day of Mourning was declared.

This day continues to be commemorated every year on May 5, the date that the shipment was due to arrive in Lázaro Cárdenas. The event is better known as Sinko de Mayo.

6. Grizzly bears on the Appalachian Trail:

A tourist guide was explaining the dangers of grizzly bears to hikers about to walk the Appalachian Trail from Springer Mountain, Georgia.

The guide warned, “You should realise that most encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet to avoid disturbing wildlife, unexpectedly stumble upon bears.”

He had the hikers’ full attention now.

“Be aware that surprising a grizzly bear can have disastrous consequences for you,” the guide continued. “To avoid this, we recommend that hikers wear tiny bells on their clothing to provide bears with an early warning of your presence. You should, of course, exercise great caution should you spot the telltale signs of bears in the area, particularly if you see bear droppings.”

“And how do we identify bear droppings from those of other wildlife?” asked one of the hikers.

“Easy,”  explained the guide. “They’re the ones with all the tiny bells in them!”

Go Explore London

7. The talking monkey:

Pete was walking past a pet shop when he saw a talking monkey being advertised for sale.

Intrigued, Pete went inside to see if this monkey was all the owners claimed it to be. It was, and Pete was so impressed, particularly with the monkey’s extensive vocabulary and mastery of English, he bought the erudite primate immediately.

Then that very evening, Pete took his new pet to his local bar, and he bet everyone twenty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Ten people immediately accepted the challenge, but, despite much prompting from Pete, the monkey failed to say a word.

Pete was extremely disappointed, but he had no choice but to pay up.

However, when he got home, the monkey was talking freely once again.

So the next evening, Pete decided he would return to the bar and try again.

This time, he bet everyone thirty dollars that his monkey could recite the Gettysburg Address.

Given the experience of the previous evening, most of the patrons in the bar were more than willing to accept Pete’s bet.

Sadly for Pete, his monkey wouldn’t say a word, and once again, it proved to be an expensive evening.

When he got home with the monkey, Pete was annoyed with his pet, and he said, “I’ve had it with you, tomorrow you’re going back to the pet shop and I’m claiming a refund.”

“Calm down,” the monkey responded. “Just think about the odds; we’ll be able to get into the bar tomorrow evening.”

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Please share this post:

So, dear reader, were these good jokes as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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5 funny story jokes that’ll make you chuckle

01/29/2026 by

If you’re looking for funny story jokes, I’ve got five little gems for you today.

So grab a coffee, and then take a few moments to enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

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Funny Story Jokes:

1. How to impress the girl of your dreams:

Young Josh is a 16-year-old, shy and socially awkward guy constantly dreaming of dating a girl, like many young men of his age.

As luck would have it, the real object of his affection lives right next door to him. Her name’s Charlene, she’s slim, attractive, cultured, and perfectly poised.

However, poor Josh is a little too bashful to engage her in conversation.

Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop him from watching her dreamily from his bedroom window as she wanders across her yard each morning.

One day Josh’s father notices him watching Charlene from his bedroom window.

“Josh, if you like the girl, why not say hello to her?” says his dad.

“Oh, Dad, I’m not very good at talking to girls, I never quite know what to say to them,”  Josh responds.

“Look, son,”  says his dad, “girls just like you to take an interest in them and what they’ve been doing. Just ask her about what she’s been doing.”

The following day, Josh sees Charlene wander across her yard, heading towards the john at the end of her garden.

Desperate to impress her and thinking he’s spotted an ideal opportunity to follow his dad’s advice, Josh rushes outside to catch her attention as she returns to the house.

Encouraged when Charlene flashes him a smile, Josh is convinced that this is his opportunity to impress her.

And then he hears himself say, “Been taking a dump then, Charlene?”

2. The man and the penguins:

Police officer Maguire is sitting in his patrol car by the side of the freeway when he sees a guy drive past him in a pickup truck full of penguins.

With blue lights flashing, Officer Maguire chases after the pickup truck and pulls the guy over.

“Sir, you do know that penguins are a protected species, and you can’t drive them around like this in this town?” says Officer Maguire. “I suggest you take them to the zoo.”

Having given the guy a polite warning, Officer Maguire then lets him go on his way.

The very next day, Officer Maguire is in his patrol car again when he sees the same man still driving around with the penguins, and this time they’re all wearing sunglasses.

So Officer Maguire pulls the guy over again and says, “Hey buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo yesterday.”

“I did,”  the man replies, “and today I’m taking them to the beach.”

3. All rise:

Jim is up in court, charged with a series of misdemeanours.

Now, Jim feels he’s been unfairly treated, and when the judge rules against him, he cannot contain his anger any longer.

“You, sir, are a moron!” shouts Jim as the judge passes judgement.

Well, the judge is not amused and says, “For contempt of court, you’re fined $250; that’s $50 for each of those words you shouted.”

Jim gets out his wallet, and he’s checking its contents when the judge says, “You don’t have to pay the fine right now; you can hand the money to the clerk as you leave the court.”

Jim looks up, and, in response, says, “I wasn’t trying to pay you, sir; I was checking to see whether I had enough money to tell you what I really think of you.”

4. Strange sounds:

Did you know that when Beethoven sadly passed away, his body was buried in a church graveyard, as was common in those days?

A few days later, a couple of drunken youths were staggering through this graveyard late at night when they heard strange noises emanating from the plot where Beethoven had been buried.

Shaken by what they had heard, the youths ran to the priest to tell him about their experience.

The priest listened to them sympathetically and said, “Let’s go together to Beethoven’s grave, and I’ll hear it for myself.”

When they arrived at the plot, the priest listened carefully, and he could hear some faint, unrecognized music coming from the grave.

Well, even the priest was terrified by this experience, and he ran to the town’s mayor.

The mayor accompanied the priest back to the grave, where he could listen for himself.

As they stood by the grave, the mayor could hear Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played backwards.

Puzzled by this, he continued to listen, only to hear the Eighth Symphony played backwards, followed by the Seventh Symphony, the Sixth Symphony, The Fifth Symphony and so on, all played backwards.

The mayor stood there momentarily puzzled by this experience, and then he turned to the priest and said, “It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

5. Children and their teacher:

It’s the end of the school year, and the popular kindergarten teacher is receiving gifts from the children in her class.

She asks them to bring their gift to the front, one at a time.

First up is the florist’s son. He proudly hands her his neatly wrapped gift, and she thanks him and smiles.

She then gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. Some flowers?”

“That’s right,”  says the boy, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the sweet shop owner’s daughter.

Once again, the teacher gives the gift a little shake, holds it above her head momentarily, and then says, “I bet I know what this is. It’s a box of sweets.“

“That’s right,”  says the little girl, “but how did you know?“

“Oh, it’s just a lucky guess,”  says the teacher.

The next child to offer a gift is the son of the liquor store owner.

As before, the teacher holds the gift-wrapped package above her head momentarily, but it’s leaking.

So she touches a drop of the slightly yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Is it a Chardonnay?” asks the teacher.

“No!” the boy replies, a little excited in anticipation of her response.

Once again, the teacher touches the leaking, yellow liquid with her finger and then touches her finger on her tongue.

“Perhaps it’s Champagne?” she suggests.

“No!” the boy replies, with even more excitement than before.

So the teacher has one more quick taste of the liquid before saying, “Alright then, I give up, you’ve got me on his one. What is it?”

With a beaming smile and great excitement, the boy says, “It’s a puppy!“

Phil Sutton

Please share the fun:

So for you, dear reader, did these funny story jokes make you laugh?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share it all with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

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15 Quotes by Bob Newhart reflecting his personal philosophy

01/26/2026 by

There are many fine comedians in this world, and many of the finest are American, in my opinion. And for me, one of the funniest American comedians of all time is Bob Newhart. He’s made me laugh out loud many times.

Many years ago, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon his audio recording of The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart, and from that moment on, I was hooked.

This album was one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.

Imagine my situation: I was sitting in my car, waiting for the traffic lights to turn green. Suddenly, on my car radio, they played the Tobacco sketch from that album. It was so funny that it had me laughing so much that people around me were starting to stare at me as if I’d gone mad. It was that funny. The video is included in this post for your entertainment.

And if you’re unfamiliar with Bob Newhart’s work, then I recommend you check him out. And a good place to start would be the Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. It’s still available on Amazon HERE.

However, before you check it out, here are 15 quotes by Bob Newhart, some of which reflect his humour, some reflect his sense of the absurd, and some are just thought-provoking.

Affiliate Disclosure: I am an Amazon affiliate, and I will receive a commission for purchases made through links on this site. There will be no additional charge to the purchaser. Should you make a purchase, your support is appreciated. Thank you.

Quotes by Bob Newhart
Photo by Alan Light
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Quotes by Bob Newhart:

  1. The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. ~Bob Newhart
  2. Don’t be silly and don’t waste your time. ~Bob Newhart
  3. Don’t live in the past. There’s no point. You can’t change anything. What a waste of time. ~Bob Newhart
  4. I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. ~Bob Newhart
  5. People are meant to be in certain places, and I think I’m meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. ~Bob Newhart
  6. The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. ~Bob Newhart
  7. Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. ~Bob Newhart
  8. I don’t know how doctors pick one speciality over another. Some you can understand. Paediatricians or gynaecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? ~Bob Newhart
  9. With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attaches to the cell phone itself, it’s getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. ~Bob Newhart
  10. I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage. ~Bob Newhart
  11. All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. ~Bob Newhart
  12. Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. ~Bob Newhart
  13. Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr Hutchinson, at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, ‘You really aren’t cut out for accounting.’ ~Bob Newhart
  14. I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn’t work, then I knew it didn’t work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn’t torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened. ~Bob Newhart
  15. All I can say about life is, ‘Oh God, enjoy it!’ ~Bob Newhart

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you find these quotes by Bob Newhart interesting and thought-provoking?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends, because when you share, everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me, then it will be truly appreciated.

Thank you.

Phil Sutton

© Mann Island Media Limited 2026. All rights reserved.

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10 short funny jokes that will make you smile

01/22/2026 by

Looking for some short funny jokes to cheer you up? Well, here are 10 that I’m confident might make you smile. Enjoy them all.

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Short Funny Jokes:

1. Communication problem:

Bill is working away from home one winter morning, and the weather is very cold outside.

Suddenly, he receives a text message from his wife, Jane. The message reads, “Windows frozen; won’t open.”

Naturally, Bill wants to ensure his wife doesn’t experience any major problems whilst he’s away, so he sends an immediate response. His message reads, “Carefully pour some warm water over it and then gently tap the edges with a hammer.”

Thinking he’s done all he needs to do to resolve Jane’s problem, Bill gets on with his busy schedule.

However, within minutes, he gets another message from Jane, which reads, “The computer’s really messed up now!”

2. Minor indiscretion:

I was surprised to read a story in today’s newspaper about a guy I’d known in high school.

He was a brilliant, hardworking guy who’d followed his high school years with seven years of medical training. Now it seems, due to one minor indiscretion, he’s been struck off.

Apparently, as the article suggested, he’d slept with one of his patients.

Now judge him if you must, but as a result of this indiscretion, he can no longer work in a profession he loved and for which he’d trained so hard, so long, and at great cost. That seems to me like a complete waste of time, effort, and money.

It seems a shame because I always thought he was a nice guy, and I’m told he was an absolutely brilliant vet.

3. Lottery winner:

A man asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?”

“That’s easy,” she replied. “I’d take half of your winnings, and then I’d leave you.”

“Great!” said the husband. “I won $10, so here’s $5. Stay in touch.”

4. Blond man joke #1:

A blond man frantically phones the maternity hospital and shouts down the phone, “My wife’s about to give birth, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

The nurse responds by saying, “Is this her first child?”

“No,” shouts the blond man, “I’m her husband.”

5. Blond man joke #2:

A blond man is in the bathroom, and his wife shouts, “Bill, did you find the shampoo?”

“Yes,” Bill responds, “but I’m not sure what to do. It says it’s for dry hair, but mine is already wet.”

Phil Sutton

6. Blond man joke #3:

A blond man sees a letter on his doormat one morning. On the envelope, in large letters, it states clearly, DO NOT BEND.

So the guy spends the next two hours trying to figure out how he’s going to pick it up.

7. Miscommunication:

A teenage boy in Jersey City called Directory Enquiries.

“Hello, operator,” he said, “I want the telephone number for Jack Smith in Manhattan.”

“Well, sir,” said the operator, “there are multiple listings for that name in Manhattan. Do you have a street name?”

“Yes, mam, I do,” said the boy. “All my friends call me Lil’ Loco.”

8. Family lunch:

Little Johnny’s out one Sunday with his parents, having lunch with family.

Everyone’s seated around the table as lunch is being served. When Johnny receives his plate, he starts eating immediately.

“Johnny,” said his father, “you should wait until we’ve said a prayer before you begin eating.”

“No, Dad, I don’t have to,” Johnny responds.

“Of course you do,” his father insisted. “We always say a prayer when we eat lunch at home, don’t we?”

“Well, that’s at our house,” Johnny responds, “but we’re at Grandma’s, and she knows how to cook.”

9. Over the limit:

Jack had been on a boozy night out with his golf buddies.

When he left the bar, he was absolutely steaming drunk.

Unwisely, despite being in a state of inebriation, Jack decided he’d drive home in his car, rather than getting a cab. Well, he’d been driving for so many years, he was confident he could get the car home safely despite his condition.

So he proceeded along Main Street, driving as carefully as he could.

Suddenly, he had to swerve to avoid a tree. Then he had to swerve again to avoid another tree, and then another.

Well, now, watching the proceedings is a highway patrolman who decides it’s time to intervene, and Jack’s pulled over.

“Sir,” said the highway patrolman, “can you explain why you were driving erratically along Main Street?”

“I’m sorry, officer,” Jack responded, slurring his words. “It was the trees in the middle of the road.”

The highway patrolman frowned and said, “Sir, I have reason to believe you’re inebriated.”

“Why?” asked Jack, his speech slurred once again.

“Because there are no trees,” the highway patrolman responded. “You were dodging your air freshener.”

10. Teaching a lesson:

At a high school in Wilmington, Delaware, they were experiencing a bit of a problem with the actions of some of the girls.

A number of 16-year-old girls had started to wear lipstick, and they would put it on in the girls’ bathroom.

They’d all congregate around the bathroom mirror, applying their lipstick of choice, and then, as they completed the task, they’d kiss the mirror, leaving a perfect imprint of their lips for all to see.

Well, needless to say, there were so many lipstick marks that it was all getting a bit messy, to say the least.

More importantly, the janitor was getting fed up with having to clean the mirrors at the end of each day, given that the lipstick marks were quite hard to remove.

So naturally, the janitor complained to the principal.

Now the principal was a wily old girl in her 50s who’d been around the block more than a few times, and she knew how to get her students to behave.

One morning, she marched into the girls’ bathroom when she knew the girls would be applying their lipstick. In her hand, she was holding a long-handled squeegee.

“Ladies,” said the principal. “The janitor has complained about the mess you’re making of the mirrors. Allow me to demonstrate what the poor man has to do to get them clean.”

With that, she took the squeegee and dipped it into the toilet. She made sure the squeegee was suitably wet, and then she proceeded to wipe the mirrors clean.

Since then, there haven’t been any lipstick marks on the mirror.

Moral of the Story: There are teachers, and then there are educators.

Go Explore London

Please share these jokes with your friends:

So dear reader, did you find any of these short funny jokes amusing? Did any of them make you smile?

If you did enjoy this post, then please share it with your friends on social media.

People really do enjoy short funny jokes, so please share this post now.

If you could share this post, then I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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5 funny joke stories that’ll entertain any social gathering

01/22/2026 by
5 FUNNY JOKE STORIES

If you’re looking for funny joke stories to tell your friends in the bar after work, then here are five you’ll really enjoy.

I’m confident they’ll raise a smile or two, so please feel free to pass them on.

FUNNY JOKE STORIES
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Funny joke stories:

1. Rick and the Biker:

Rick is sitting at the counter in a roadside bar in Austin, staring at his drink, when a very large and mean-looking biker is suddenly standing right next to him. The biker grabs Rick’s, as yet, untouched drink and swallows it in one gulp.

“That tasted real good, boy,” said the biker, punching Rick on the shoulder. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Well, Rick just bursts into tears.

“Oh, man up,” says the biker. “I can’t stand seeing a man crying. What’s your problem, buddy?”

“This is the worst day of my life,” Rick responds. “I’m a complete failure. I missed my sales targets again this month, and I got fired. When I left the office, I discovered that my car had been stolen from the parking lot, and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I had to take to get home. When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the mailman. And then my dog bit me.”

The biker’s attitude towards Rick softened a little.

“I came into this bar to work up enough courage to end it all,” Rick continued. “I bought my drink and dropped a Strychnine capsule into it. The capsule had only just fully dissolved when you showed up and swallowed the whole damn drink in one gulp.”

Rick paused momentarily and then said, “Anyway, enough about me. How’s your day going?”

2. Father Murphy and Samson:

A Roman Catholic priest, Father Murphy, is driving through North Carolina on his way to Wilmington.

Suddenly, his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. However, he’s fairly close to a farm, so he decides to see whether the farmer can help him.

Father Murphy finds the farmer, who’s ploughing one of his fields.

“Sir,” said Father Murphy. “I’m on my way to Wilmington, and my car’s broken down. Can you help me?”

“I’m sorry, but there’s no one around here who can help you fix your car, Father,” says the farmer. “However, I could lend you one of my horses.”

“Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Father Murphy responds. “So, I appreciate your help, and I’ll gladly accept your offer.”

“OK,” says the farmer. “You can take Samson. He’s a good Christian horse.”

“Really,” Father Murphy responds. “How can you tell he’s Christian?”

“Well, if you want Samson to move forward, you have to say, Praise the Lord,” says the farmer. “And if you want him to stop, you have to say Amen.”

The priest sets off on Samson, but very quickly, he’s forgotten the farmer’s instructions. Then, a few miles down the road, the horse is spooked when a car backfires with a loud bang.

The horse bolts and is galloping at speed towards the edge of a cliff. Father Murphy is struggling to gain control of Samson.

“STOP, STOP, SSSTTTTOOOPPPPP!” yells the priest.

Seeing nothing is working, Father Murphy starts reciting the Lord’s Prayer out loud, in the hope he might benefit from some divine intervention from the good Lord above.

As he gets to the end of the prayer, naturally Father Murphy says, “Amen!”

They’re at the very edge of the cliff at this point, when suddenly the horse stops just in time to avoid a very long fall down to the jagged rocks far below.

Father Murphy breathes a sigh of relief that God has answered his prayer, and he says, “Praise the Lord!”

Phil Sutton

3. Lateral thinking:

A woman went to her doctor’s surgery, where she was seen by a newly qualified medic.

Within seconds, she could be heard screaming as she ran out of the examination room in tears and fled the building.

A senior doctor witnessed what happened and, naturally, asked the young medic for an explanation as to exactly what happened.

“Well, sir,” said the young medic, “I just told her she was pregnant.”

“Pregnant!” the senior doctor exclaimed. “How can she be pregnant? She’s 75 years old. What possible reason could you have for telling her that she’s pregnant?”

“Well,” the young medic responded, “it certainly cured the problem with her hiccups.”

4. Legal minefield:

The bartender asks a guy sitting at the bar, “OK, buddy, what’ll you have?”

“I’ll have a Scotch,” says the guy.

The bartender gives the guy a Scotch and then says, “That’ll be six dollars, please.”

“What do you mean?” The guy responds. “I don’t owe you anything. You offered me a drink.”

At this point, a lawyer from the law firm next door, who was also sitting at the bar, intervenes and says to the bartender, “He has a point. Your offer did not imply an obligation for payment, but it did represent a verbal contract upon acceptance. So, legally, there’s no requirement for him to pay you for the drink.”

Well, the bartender’s not happy, but he realises that we live in litigious times, and he didn’t want to risk an expensive lawsuit, so he decides to let it go.

However, he says to the guy, “OK, buddy, you win. Enjoy your free drink, but I don’t want to see you in here again. Take your business elsewhere.”

A few days pass before the guy reappears in the bar.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” asks the bartender. “I thought I told you to take your business elsewhere.”

“What are you talking about?” Asks the guy. “I’ve never been in here before.”

Fearing he’d made a mistake, and knowing there were a couple more lawyers sitting at the bar, the bartender backs down.

“I’m sorry,” says the bartender, “but the likeness is uncanny. You must have a double.”

“That’s very kind of you,” says the guy. “A double Scotch would be great. Thank you.”

5. The rat and the frog:

A guy walks into a Manhattan bar and says to the bartender, “Hey buddy, if I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”

“Well,” says the bartender, “if it’s really good, I will.”

So the guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small rat.

He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano with a tiny piano stool.

He sets the rat at the piano, and it then proceeds to play the Scott Joplin classic, The Entertainer.

“Wow, that’s impressive,” says the bartender, giving the guy his free drink.

The man takes a sip of his ice-cold beer, and then he says to the bartender, “If I can show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks all night?”

“Listen, buddy, I can’t see how you’ll top that,” says the bartender, “but if you can, you’ve got yourself a deal.”

The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a tiny frog. The frog then begins to sing, accompanied by the rat playing Hit the Road, Jack.

As the guy’s enjoying his free drinks, a stranger who’d been watching the performance walks up to him and says, “I’ll give you $100,000 for the frog.”

“The frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds.

“How about $250,000?” the stranger asks.

“No, the frog’s not for sale,” the guy responds

“OK,” says the stranger. “I’ll give you $500,000 for the frog. That’s my last offer.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal, mister,” says the guy, giving the stranger the frog once the money’s been transferred to his bank account via the stranger’s smartphone.

Having watched the transaction, the bartender says to the guy, “You must be nuts letting the frog go for $500,000. It’s got to be worth millions.”

The guy smiled and said, “Not really.”

“What do you mean?” asked the bartender.

“Well,” the guy responds, “the rat’s a ventriloquist.

Go Explore London

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