fun Archives - Roy Sutton

37 one line funny quotes to brighten your day

04/04/2025 by Roy Sutton

One line funny quotes always make me smile. I just love clever wordplay and short, pithy comments. And I always make a note of them in my journal.

So today I’ve pulled together 37 one line funny quotes, which I hope will brighten your day and raise a smile or two.

Enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

Pass on the smiles, and you’ve done your good deed for the day.

One line funny quotes (1 – 21):

Blunt pencils are pointless.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
The rotation of the Earth makes my day.
Did Noah include termites on the ark?
To be Frank, I’d have to change my name.
Keep the dream alive. Hit the snooze button.
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
Which shoes do frogs prefer? Open toad sandals.
Why do bees hum? They can’t remember the lyrics!
If you don’t pay my exorcist, will I get repossessed?
The cost of living might be high but it remains popular.
You can add insult to injury by signing somebody’s cast.
If everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
I failed my art exam by using the wrong pencil. It wasn’t 2B.
I used to have an hourglass figure, but the sand has shifted.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it is on my to-do list.
The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died. Restaurant In Peace.
Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are enough!
You think you’ve got a handle on life and then you realise it’s broken.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Adam and Eve were the first to ignore the Apple terms and conditions.

One line funny quotes (22 – 37):

Does refusing to go to the gym count as a form of resistance training?
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It can dissolve marriages, families and careers.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
I went to see my physician about my short-term memory problems. He made me pay in advance.
I bought a new pair of gloves and they were both ‘lefts’. Good on the one hand but on the other, just not right.
My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.
I’m sceptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That’s a bit of a stretch.
Do I have a girlfriend? Well, I know a girl who would be really mad if I said I didn’t.
Honesty’s the best policy, which suggests that dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Houdini used a trap door in every show, which suggests it was a stage he was going through.
Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Hey! We don’t want your type in here!’
A ghost walked into a Manhattan bar and ordered a Whiskey. The bartender said, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve spirits in here.”
It was so cold in Manhattan last night that flashers were forced to describe themselves to people.

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So, dear reader, did any of these one line funny quotes make you smile?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read here, then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share this post now, I’d be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: Amuse, fun, funny, humor, humour, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, jokes, Laugh, Life, one line funny quotes, witty one liners

30 witty quotes that’ll make anyone smile

03/29/2025 by Roy Sutton

Blog posts that include something to make readers smile always get a good response. Witty quotes always get the best response.

So here are 30 razor-sharp witty quotes. I am sure at least a few of them will brighten your day.

This is a collection of witty quotes in response to readers’ requests for a little levity to break up the otherwise gloomy news that seems to have dominated our lives this year.

So go on have a laugh right now and enjoy them all.

Witty Quotes (1-10)

I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it. ~Mae West

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. ~Groucho Marx

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well. ~Mark Twain

Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~Robert A. Heinlein

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. ~Oscar Wilde

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ~W.C. Fields

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. ~Winston S. Churchill

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. ~George Burns

Two wrongs don’t make a right but they do make a good excuse. ~Thomas Szasz

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. ~A.A. Milne

Witty Quotes (11-20)

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? ~Laurence J. Peter

If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. ~W.C. Fields

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. ~Paul Terry

When you’re courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. ~Albert Einstein

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? ~George Carlin

It ain’t over ‘til it’s over. ~Yogi Berra

I need six months’ vacation, twice a year. ~Author Unknown

I do all my own stunts but never intentionally. ~Author Unknown

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? ~Robin Williams

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. ~Author Unknown

Witty Quotes (21-30)

Hard work never killed anyone but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen

I’d like to live like a poor man, only with lots of money. ~Pablo Picasso

No man goes before his time, unless the boss leaves early. ~Groucho Marx

Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you’re a cheese. ~Luis Buñuel

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets she took him. ~Oscar Wilde

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food. ~W.C. Fields

To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential. ~Author Unknown

Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back. ~Author Unknown

If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the refrigerator? ~Author Unknown

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island, what book I would take with me? …. “How to Build a Boat” would be the answer. ~Author Unknown

So dear reader, did you find these witty quotes amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

Did any of them make smile? If so please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

35 of the best one-liners ever. You’ll love them all

03/29/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today I offer you some of the best one-liners ever. Well, they are, in my opinion, at least.

I love a great one-liner, and these are all brilliant. They’re amusing, sharp, and very witty. I hope at least one or two of them will brighten your day.

So take a couple of minutes and enjoy them all.

And please feel free to share them.

Best one-liners ever (1-12)

Am I indecisive? I’m not sure.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A clean house suggests there’s no WiFi.

Not all math puns are terrible. Just sum.

It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do.

I started with nothing, and I’ve still got most of it.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic.

You say you’re a compulsive liar, but I don’t believe you.

Since I had my neck brace fitted I’ve never looked back.

Best one-liners ever (13-24)

A liberal is just a conservative who hasn’t been mugged yet.

Yeah? You and whose army?

What did your last slave die of?

Yes, I’ve had a good time, but this wasn’t it.

If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

You look like you’ve found a dime and lost a dollar.

Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.

My life’s as good as anyone’s if their life’s truly awful.

Keep looking like that and your face will stay that way.

Well, you certainly look like you’ve got the face you deserve.

Am I looking at you? Why? Do I look like I’ve got nothing better to do?

With a face like that, you must have done something terrible in a previous life.

Best one-liners ever (25-35)

Don’t be a fool all your life, take five minutes off and give the rest of us a break.

Drive like an idiot and it won’t be long before you’ll meet another idiot heading in the other direction.

Your face and voice suggest your career options will be limited to those things you can do well with your hands.

You shouldn’t laugh at your wife’s choices because you’re one of them.

You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon fails to return home, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving unless it’s something you plan to do more than once.

I love to hold hands at the movies but for some reason, strangers sitting next to me never seem that keen.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you’ll look forward to the trip.

Is it true that the security guys at the Samsung Store are known as Guardians of the Galaxy?

You know they’re your friends when you walk into their home, and you connect to the WiFi automatically.

The absurdity of the sexual act is God’s way of reminding us that he does have a sense of humor.

Enjoyed these one-liners?

So, dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these one-liners made you smile, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you can put a smile on someone else’s face, you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, and please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you.

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27 Quotes by Groucho Marx to amuse you

03/25/2025 by Roy Sutton

Groucho Marx, born Julius Henry Marx, was an American comedian, writer, stage, film, radio, and television star and part of the successful and immensely popular comedy act known as The Marx Brothers.

Groucho was known for his quick wit and he is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era.

With his siblings, the Marx Brothers, Groucho Marx made 13 feature films, but he also had a successful solo career in radio and television.

Here are 27 quotes by Groucho Marx which illustrate his quick wit.

Quotes by Groucho Marx (1-10):

I intend to live forever or die trying.
Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.

Quotes by Groucho Marx (11-20):

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Behind every successful man is a woman, and behind her is his wife.
Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well, I have others.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.

Quotes by Groucho Marx (21-27):

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you’ve got it made.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
There’s one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him. If he says, yes, you know he’s a crook.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. How he got into my pyjamas I’ll never know.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Did you find these quotes by Groucho Marx as interesting and amusing as you’d hoped dear reader?

You did? I hope so anyway.

If that is the case, then please share them with your friends because when you share everyone wins.

So share them now on social media. If you can do that for me then it will be truly appreciated. Thank you.

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Filed Under: Quotes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, humor, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, Inspirational Quotes, Life, Meaning, Motivation, Motivational Quotes, Philosophy, quotes, Quotes by Groucho Marx, Wisdom

15 Quotes by Tina Fey that’ll make you think

03/24/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today I’m exploring quotes by Tina Fey.

Tina Fey is one of the funniest women in show business, and she’s also a very smart lady.

Not only is she a comedian, but she’s also an actress, writer, and producer.

She’s best known for her work on the NBC sketch comedy series Saturday Night Live and for creating the acclaimed situation comedy 30 Rock.

It’s always worth listening to successful people. Whatever worked for them might work for you.

So here are 15 quotes by Tina Fey to inspire you.

Quotes by Tina Fey:

Say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards. ~Tina Fey
Confidence is 10% hard work and 90% delusion. ~Tina Fey
It will never be perfect but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV. ~Tina Fey
Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself. ~Tina Fey
Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions. Do your thing and don’t care if they like it. ~Tina Fey
Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles. ~Tina Fey
Stop calling each other sluts and whores; that makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores. ~Tina Fey
Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade, I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while, it became part of my identity. ~Tina Fey
For my first show at SNL, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs. This weight of embarrassment came over me, and I felt like I was sweating from my spine out. But I realized, ‘Okay, that happened, and I did not die.’ You’ve got to experience failure to understand that you can survive it. ~Tina Fey
If you want to be a screenwriter, take an acting class to get a sense of what you’re asking actors to do. Learning other skills will help you communicate with people and respect what they do. ~Tina Fey
Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like Saturday Night Live forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model. ~Tina Fey
If you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities. ~Tina Fey
After college, I knew I wanted to work in comedy, so the first thing I did was go to where the comedy was. I moved from Charlottesville to Chicago, because that’s where The Second City and Improv Olympics are. You have to go wherever you need to go to study what interests you. ~Tina Fey
It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good. I don’t like Chinese food, but I don’t write articles trying to prove it doesn’t exist. ~Tina Fey
This is what I tell young women who ask me for career advice. People are going to try to trick you. To make you feel that you are in competition with one another. “You’re up for a promotion. If they go for a woman, it’ll be between you and Barbara.” Don’t be fooled. You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone. ~Tina Fey

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21 silly jokes guaranteed to make your kids smile

03/14/2025 by Roy Sutton

Kids love silly jokes, and quite a few adults do too, including me. Whenever I hear silly jokes, I always make a note of them in my journal. Well, they’re always useful for breaking the ice at dinner parties, if nothing else.

Anyway, today I thought I’d trawl through my journal and put together a collection of some of the best silly jokes just for you, dear reader. I hope you enjoy them all.

Certainly, I did, both the first time around and on reviewing them now.

Yes, they’re all very silly but they’re guaranteed to make your kids smile.

Silly Jokes:

Why did the ant elope?
Nobody gnu

Why do skunks argue?
They like to kick up a stink

How do you arrest a pig?
Put it in ham cuffs

Why do horses look sad?
They have long faces

Why do coyotes call at night?
The rates are cheaper

What animal never gets wet?
An umbrellephant

What makes a chicken blush?
Henbarrassment

In what key does a cow sing?
Beef flat

Why don’t anteaters get sick?
They’re full of antibodies

How do rodents keep their breath fresh?
Using mousewash

What did the parrot say to the spaniel?
I’m a cocker too

How do you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble

Why are giraffes brave?
Because they’re always sticking their next out

How many skunks does it take to stink out a room?
A phew

How does a dolphin make a decision?
Flipper coin

How can you tell if a bee is on the phone?
You get a buzzy tone

What’s even better than the cat’s whiskers?
The bee’s knees

What happened when two American stoats got married?
They became the United Stoats of America

What do you get from a chicken who’s been drinking whisky?
Scotch eggs

What’s goes through a fly’s mind on impact with your windscreen?
Its ass

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these silly jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

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Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, Cheesy Jokes, fun, funny, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Life, Silly Jokes, smile, Stress-free

33 Corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up

03/12/2025 by Roy Sutton

If you’re looking for funny jokes to cheer someone up, this post is for you.

We live in difficult times, and we all face so many pressures. When our friends are down, we try to lift their spirits. And for that, it helps if we have a few corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up.

Well, today, I’ve curated another 33 gems just for you, dear reader.

At least I think they’re gems. So I hope they’ll make you laugh too. Some might be a bit too corny, but I’m confident some will tickle you.

Enjoy them and don’t forget to share them too.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (1-11)

Nothing tops plain pizza.

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

Seven days of fasting will make one weak.

What do you call a hippy’s wife? Mississippi.

I tried eating a clock, but it was time-consuming.

I wanted to be a monk, but I never got the chants.

Autocorrect makes me say things I didn’t Nintendo.

I was never a fan of San Andreas. It’s not my fault.

Dead batteries cost nothing. They’re free of charge.

The girl in the middle of the tennis court is Annette.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (12-22)

Ask yourself if it’s wise to eat at Sam and Ella’s diner?

Cemetery raises prices and blames it on the cost of living.

I will start collecting highlighting pens. Mark my words.

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

My dogs are called Rolex and Breitling. They’re watchdogs.

What does the pizza man use to cut his hair? Little Caesars.

I pulled a muscle digging for gold. It was just a miner injury.

What do you call a cow that can’t give milk? An udder failure.

Water’s heavier than Butane because Butane is a Lighter fluid.

When a wolf is taught to meditate, does it become aware wolf?

I started an online bakery but I accidentally deleted all my cookies.

Funny jokes to cheer someone up: (23-33)

Lego store re-opens after lockdown. People stand in line for blocks.

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? Because it lifts their spirits.

My daughter wants to study burrowing rodents. I told her to gopher it.

I’m reading a book called “Quick Money for Dummies” by Robin Banks.

I wanted a career as a fisherman, but I couldn’t live on the net income.

If you wear a facemask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.

Beauty School student misses classes. She’s forced to make up the makeup test.

If two meth-heads start a relationship are they “speed dating” or just “mething around”.

My wife said she’d leave me if I made up any more puns about The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face …..

DOCTOR: Nurse, what’s the status on the boy who swallowed a coin? NURSE: Still no change, Doctor.

Dear Algebra, Please stop asking me to find your X. She’s not coming back and don’t ask Y.

Please share this post with your friends:

Did you enjoy these corny puns and funny jokes to cheer someone up? Were they as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

I hope so anyway.

If that’s the case, please share this blog post with your friends, because when you share, everyone wins.

So go on, please share this post now on social media. If you can do that for me, I will be forever grateful, and you’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

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25 silly jokes that are laugh out loud funny

03/11/2025 by Roy Sutton

Here’s another batch of short and silly but laugh out loud funny jokes just for you, dear reader.

Laughter is the best medicine, and we all need laugh out loud funny jokes to brighten our challenging lives.

So grab a coffee and take a few moments to enjoy these laugh out loud funny jokes right now.

I hope they give you a few minutes of pleasure to brighten your day.

Laugh out loud funny:

If I’m nobody;
And nobody’s perfect;
Then I must be perfect.

Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.

How do you befriend a squirrel?
Act like a nut.

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?
Because they kept dropping their trunks.

What do you call a pooch living in Alaska?
A chilly dog.

What do call you a row of bunnies moving backwards?
A receding hare line.

Why was the paediatrician always losing his temper?
Because he had little patients.

What condition does a noodle have when it doesn’t feel it’s good enough?
Impasta syndrome.

Would you like to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.
He cried and gave me a big hug.

My wife was complaining that I never take her anywhere expensive.
So I said, “Come on, get in the car; we’re going to the gas station.”

They say 40 is the new 30
But try telling that to a traffic cop.

Relationships are like algebra.
You look at your X and wonder Y.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
BREATH!

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.

You could say it was an emotional wedding.
Even the cake was in tears.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.

A guy assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter.
How dairy.

My ex-wife still misses me.
But her aim’s improving.

I own a pencil once owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.

People didn’t like having to bend over to get their drinks.
So I decided to raise the bar.

The World Tongue-Twister Champion was up before the judge in court.
I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence.

I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.

I hate insects puns.
They really bug me.

I’ve been trying to lose weight.
But it keeps finding me.

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So did these rib-tickling jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped, dear reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so. then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read then please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Articles you might enjoy:

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Filed Under: Witty One-Liners Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, humor, humour, Influencers, Inspiration, jokes, Laugh, laugh out loud funny, Life, LOL, Meaning, smile, Stress-free

31 sarcasm quotes that are the sharpest form of wit

02/24/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today I’m sharing some excellent sarcasm quotes.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but I’m not so sure.

I admire a clever put-down or a few sharp words intended to put someone squarely in their place.

In today’s post, I offer you 31 sarcasm quotes that are sharp and funny, and they made me smile. So I hope they provide you with some ammunition next time you need it.

These are some of the sharpest sarcasm quotes I’ve seen recently, so enjoy them all and make a mental note of the best ones for future use:

Sarcasm Quotes

Me? Sarcastic? Never!

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Well, that was almost interesting.

Am I free tomorrow? No, I’m expensive.

Stupidity is not a crime. You’re free to go

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.

Well, you never learn anything by doing it right.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

If only closed minds came with closed mouths.

I stopped listening, so why don’t you stop talking?

I can only hope your day is as pleasant as you are.

I’m guessing you don’t get invited to many parties.

I’m returning your nose, dear! I found it in my business.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defence against stupidity.

Well, that’s several minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.

Just because you’re raising your voice doesn’t mean you’re right.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

If you want to lose weight, love, have you thought of shaving your legs?

I’m only being patient with you because there are too many witnesses.

That joke is so old, I’m sure the first person to hear it fell off his dinosaur.

Oh, you’re talking to me. I thought there was something wrong with you.

If somehow you persuaded someone to marry you, they have my sympathy.

The trouble with you is you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

Yes, I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.

You could shake my pelvis and call me Elvis, but I’d still be willing to bet no one spends time with you willingly.

Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time?

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19 funny jokes to tell your friends

02/06/2025 by Roy Sutton

Today I thought you might appreciate some funny jokes to tell your friends.

You’ll always have friends if you can entertain people and tell a joke or two. We all love to laugh, and someone amusing is immediately likeable. So, to be likeable, always have a few jokes in your back pocket.

If you want to make your friends smile, here are 19 funny jokes to tell your friends. Enjoy them all.

And please feel free to pass them on.

Funny jokes to tell your friends (1-10)

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What kind of tree will fit into your hand? A palm tree.

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

How do you kill a circus clown? You go for the juggler.

Where do cows go on a Saturday night? To the moo-vies.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He just pasta way.

I used to work in a shoe recycling factory, but it was sole destroying.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.

Funny jokes to tell your friends (11-19)

I married Miss Right. It was only later that I realized her first name was Always.

My wife told me that I must stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

What is grammar? It’s the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Why did the girl get hit by a bike every day? Because she was stuck in a vicious cycle.

A Hot Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve food here.”

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

A thief broke into my house the other night searching for money. He woke me up, so I thought I might as well help him search for it, even though I wasn’t optimistic we’d find anything.

A cop pulls a guy over and says, “Your eyes are awfully red, have you been drinking?” To which the guy responds, “Well, your eyes are awfully glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

WIFE: Pack your bags; I’ve won the lottery. HUSBAND: Oh, wow! Are we going on holiday? WIFE: No! You’re leaving! I’ve won the lottery!

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So, dear reader, did you enjoy these funny jokes to tell your friends? Were they as good as you’d hoped? Were they worth a few minutes of your time?

I hope so. If they did make you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? If so, just click on the links below.

Articles you might enjoy:

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: Amuse, Amusement, fun, funny, funny jokes, funny jokes to tell your friends, good jokes, Hilarious, humor, humour, jokes, Really funny jokes, seriously funny jokes, smile, Stress-free

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