60 witty one-liners on attitude to make you smile

12/20/2025 by

If you’re looking for some witty one-liners on attitude, then I’m confident that you might enjoy a few of these here.

Attitude is a little word that has a big impact on all our lives.

A positive attitude beats a negative one if your aim is to get along with other people.

However, sometimes you have to put on your crown and let other people know who is king or queen.

It doesn’t do to be too agreeable, in my experience. That said, as with all things in life, some balance is essential.

So take five minutes to enjoy these witty one-liners and then please feel free to pass them on.

60 WITTY ONE-LINERS ON ATTITUDE
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Witty one-liners on attitude (1-15):

  1. I’m too glam to give a damn!
  2. Life? Don’t talk to me about life!
  3. It’s my life, so I’ll live it my way.
  4. Well, this is not the life I had in mind.
  5. I’m so poor, I can’t even pay attention.
  6. An ounce of action beats a ton of theory.
  7. Life would be tragic if it wasn’t so funny.
  8. I’m not special but I am a limited edition.
  9. I’m me. If that’s a problem for you, tough!
  10. Haters beware. You’re my biggest motivator.
  11. What you think is what you think. Who cares?
  12. Nothing is interesting if you’re not interested.
  13. A bad experience is not the same as a bad life.
  14. If winning isn’t everything, why do we keep score?
  15. Life’s like ice cream. To be enjoyed before it melts.
Phil Sutton

Witty one-liners on attitude (16-30):

  1. Which part of I DON’T CARE don’t you understand?
  2. Is it just me or is the world run by complete idiots?
  3. Life’s far too short to be drinking poor quality wine.
  4. Fight the system by all means but it will always win.
  5. Don’t take life too seriously. You won’t get out alive.
  6. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  7. Life’s a bitch and then you die. That’s all there is to it.
  8. If it wasn’t for my dog, no one would understand me.
  9. Be like a stamp. Stick to your goal until you get there.
  10. If you think I’m irritating now, wait till you see my bad side.
  11. I could give up every vice, but would life still be worth living?
  12. I don’t need your attitude. I’ve got one of my own, thank you.
  13. Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
  14. Just because it matters to you, don’t assume it matters to me too.
  15. You may disapprove of my choices but who are you to judge anyway?
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Witty one-liners on attitude (31-45):

  1. Follow your heart but make sure you take your brain with you.
  2. My goal this year was to lose 10 pounds. I’ve just got 13 to go now.
  3. Only those who really care about you can hear you when you’re quiet.
  4. I thought I’d found the key to success, but someone’s changed the lock.
  5. People don’t necessarily change. Sometimes it’s just their mask slipping.
  6. Growing up, did anyone dream of becoming a Health & Safety Inspector?
  7. If you think I’m sarcastic, it’s a good job you never hear what I don’t say.
  8. Minds are like parachutes. They can only function properly if they’re open.
  9. If you don’t know how to thank me, I can tell you now, money works best.
  10. Some people say that nothing’s impossible and yet, I do nothing every day.
  11. The problem’s not the problem. The problem’s your attitude to the problem.
  12. If you have an opinion about my attitude, raise your hand. Now put it in your mouth.
  13. Don’t mistake my efficiency for any desire you think I may have to do your job too.
  14. Yesterday I did nothing and today, I need to finish what I was doing yesterday.
  15. If a woman says to a man, “Do what you want,” the man would be unwise to follow her advice.
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Witty one-liners on attitude (45-60):

  1. If you’re caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing, then just act daft.
  2. Regardless of what you may think, I wasn’t put on this earth just to make you happy.
  3. You may think you’re important but that doesn’t mean everyone else agrees with you.
  4. I thought my mood couldn’t get any worse today, and then my boss gave me more work.
  5. Why is it that when the only tool I have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail?
  6. Happiness is when you marry for love and then you realise they’ve got loads of money too.
  7. Being powerful is like being a gentleman, if you have to tell people you are then you aren’t.
  8. I don’t hate you. I’d unplug your life support to recharge my phone but I don’t hate you.
  9. If you’re wondering whether I’m free tomorrow, I’ll tell you now I’m likely to be very expensive.
  10. Work hard eight hours a day and, one day, you could be the boss working twelve hours a day.
  11. This morning I was told to check my attitude. I have and it’s still there. So, what’s the problem?
  12. Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality depends on me. My attitude depends on you.
  13. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a problem with my attitude but I fail to see why that’s my problem.
  14. A positive attitude will not solve every problem but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
  15. I didn’t realise how rough my neighbourhood was until I bought an advent calendar and half the windows were boarded up.
Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

Did any of these witty one-liners on attitude make you smile, dear reader? I hope so. And if they did, please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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25 brilliant one-liner quotes that’ll raise a smile

12/17/2025 by

Here are 25 brilliant one-liner quotes guaranteed to raise a smile.

I loved them all, and I’m confident you will too. Enjoy!

brilliant one-liner quotes
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Brilliant one-liner quotes:

  1. Everything’s difficult before it’s easy.
  2. I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
  3. Don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.
  4. Your secret’s safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.
  5. If only we could invoice people for wasting our time.
  6. I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow.
  7. Work is just something I’m doing until I win the lottery.
  8. Sarcasm is just punching people in the face with words.
  9. The road to success has so many tempting parking spaces.
  10. You never know what you’ve got until you clean your room.
  11. Be like the postage stamp. Stick to a thing until you get there.
  12. I intended to behave, but there were so many other options.
  13. If Cinderella’s shoe was such a perfect fit, why did it fall off?
  14. Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Tuesday.
  15. Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.
  16. Revenge sounds so mean. I prefer to call it returning the favour.
  17. They say nothing’s impossible, but I’ve been doing nothing all day.
  18. I’m still waiting for the wisdom I was assured would come with age.
  19. If one door opens when another closes, your house is probably haunted.
  20. You know it’s time to move on when the best part of your job is a chair that swivels.
  21. If you want your children to listen to you, try talking in a very low voice to someone else.
  22. If you’re going to get into trouble for hitting someone, you might as well hit them hard.
  23. People who can’t find time for rest and recreation will be forced to make time for illness, sooner or later.
  24. All I’m saying, officer, is that if you caught me, then you must have been speeding too, and no one is above the law.
  25. When you get angry, take a deep breath and count to 10. Then throw a punch at 8. Nobody expects that.
Saily eSIM

Enjoyed these one-liners? Please share this post:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these one-liners made you smile, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. Please share this post now.

Then perhaps you’d like some more laughs? Then click on the links below.

Phil Sutton

Articles that might appeal to you:

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DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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30 brilliant one-liner quotes that’ll make you smile

12/15/2025 by

I shared some brilliant one-liner quotes recently, and the feedback from readers was very positive.

In fact, the feedback was so positive that I thought I’d share some more with you.

So here’s another batch from the collection in my journal.

I’m confident that this batch of brilliant one-liner quotes will have you smiling. So please take a few minutes to enjoy them all. And of course, have a great day.

And don’t forget to pass them on.

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brilliant one-liner quotes
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Brilliant one-liner quotes (1-10):

  1. 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
  2. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
  3. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
  4. Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.
  5. Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
  6. 50% of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class.
  7. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  8. Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
  9. A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.
  10. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which we’ll die.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (11-20):

  1. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  2. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.
  3. Her silence doesn’t mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
  4. Money’s not important but it’s up there with oxygen for sustaining life.
  5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
  6. It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
  7. Sometimes the best helping hand you can give someone is a good, firm push.
  8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
  9. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  10. Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

Brilliant one-liner quotes (21-30):

  1. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  2. To err is human; to blame it on somebody else shows you have a talent for politics.
  3. Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
  4. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
  5. Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are even stupider than that.
  6. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  7. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  8. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  9. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
  10. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Phil Sutton
Go Explore London

Please share this post with your friends:

If you enjoyed this post, dear reader, then please share it with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins.

So please share it now. If you can do that for me, I’d be ever so grateful. You’ll be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience. So that would be your good deed for the day.

If you fancy some laughs, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty to make you smile.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

Saily eSIM

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

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7 short story jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

12/13/2025 by

Do you like short story jokes? Those little yarns that go on for a while, only for the punchline to pop out of left field.  Today I have seven little gems which I hope will make you laugh.

Enjoy them all, and please, feel free to pass them on.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short story jokes:

1. The Dead Duck

A woman brings a very limp duck to a veterinary surgeon.

As she lays her beloved pet duck on the table, the vet puts his stethoscope on the bird’s chest and listens carefully.

A moment later, the vet shakes his head and says sadly, “I’m really sorry mam, but your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.“

The woman becomes quite distressed and begins to cry.

“Are you sure?” she asks, tears flooding her eyes.

“Yes, mam, I am sure”, the vet responds. “Your duck is definitely dead.“

“But how can you be so sure?” the woman protests. “I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything, have you? Perhaps he’s just stunned or in a coma or something.”

The vet rolls his eyes, then turns around and leaves the room.

A few minutes later, he returns with a black Labrador retriever.

As the duck’s owner looks on in amazement, the Labrador stands on his hind legs, puts his front paws on the examination table, and sniffs around the duck from top to bottom. He then looks up at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

The vet pats the dog on the head and takes it out of the room.

A few minutes later, the vet returns with a cat. The cat jumps on the table and delicately sniffs at the bird from its head to its feet. After a moment, the cat looks up, shakes its head, meows softly and strolls out of the room.

The vet looks at the woman and says, “Look, mam, I’m really sorry, but as I said before, this is most definitely a duck that is no longer of this world. Your duck is dead.“

The vet then turns to his computer terminal, hits a few keys and produces a bill, which he hands to the woman.

The duck’s owner, still in shock, looks at the bill and sees it is $150.

“$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!” she shrieks with incredulity

The vet shrugs his shoulders and says, “I’m sorry mam. If you’d taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20. However, with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.“

Phil Sutton

2. Never underestimate an old man

An elderly man had owned his large farm in Louisiana for many years.

Right at the back of the farm, there was a large pond that was ideal for swimming. The old farmer had fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts and some apple and peach trees.

One evening, the farmer decides to go down to the pond to look it over, as he hadn’t been down there for a while.

Before setting off, he grabs a five-gallon bucket as he decides he’ll bring back some fruit.

As he nears the pond, he can hear voices shouting and laughing with glee. Clearly, someone is having a good time.

As the farmer gets closer, he can see a bunch of young women who are clearly skinny-dipping in his pond.

He makes the women aware of his presence, and immediately they all swim over to the far end.

One of the women then shouts, “We’re not coming out until you leave, mister!“

The farmer replies, “Ladies, I didn’t come down here to watch you swim naked or make you get out of the pond. You carry on.“

The wily old-timer then holds up his bucket and says, “I just came down here to feed the alligators!“

Moral of the story: Never underestimate an old man.

3. Divine intervention:

For a weekend break, three old college buddies go down to Tijuana, Mexico, to enjoy a reunion.

Well, they hadn’t seen each other for quite a few years, so the stories were long, the laughs were loud, and the booze really did flow that night.

They had such a good time that they all woke up the following morning and found themselves in jail.

None of them could remember anything. However, within a couple of hours, they’re all sentenced to be executed the following day.

The following morning, they’re all escorted to death row, where Bill, the first of the group, is strapped into the electric chair. Then Bill is asked if he’d like to say any words.

“Sure,” Bill responds. “I’m from the Catholic University of America, and I believe in the power of almighty God. I am innocent, and God will intervene.”

The executioner throws the switch, but nothing happens.

Well, the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Bill’s forgiveness and release him.

Next up for the chair is Gary. He’s strapped in, and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

“Well, I’m from Harvard Law School,” says Gary, “and I believe that the power of natural justice will intervene because I’m innocent.”

Once again, the executioner throws the switch, but nothing happens.

Again, the prison staff can’t believe this turn of events. They beg Gary’s forgiveness and release him.

Finally, Mike’s strapped into the chair, and once again he’s offered the opportunity to say something.

“Well,” says Mike. “I have a PhD in Electrical Engineering from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and I can tell you now, you won’t be executing anyone if you don’t plug this thing in.”

Saily eSIM

4. It’s only Rock & Roll:

Mary, an attractive lady of 85, was marrying for the fourth time.

Naturally, this was a human-interest story, and the local newspaper decided to send a reporter to interview Mary.

The reporter sat with Mary and asked, “Could you tell me about your husbands and how they earned their living?”

Mary smiled and said, “Well, my first husband was a banker, then I married a circus ringmaster, next was a preacher and now at 85, I’m marrying a funeral director.”

“Wow,” said the reporter, they’ve all had such diverse careers.”

“Yes,” said Mary, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.“

5. Helping the unfortunate:

For the first time in decades, Giuseppe, an old Italian farmer, decided it was time for him to go to confession to seek absolution for his sins.

So, he went to the Roman Catholic church in his village and entered the confessional box.

He knelt and said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest replied quietly, “What is this sin of which you speak, my son?”

“Father,” Giuseppe continued, “during the Second World War, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy, so I hid her in my loft.”

“Well,” said the priest, “it was wartime, a fellow human being was in trouble and in need of shelter, and you helped. Surely, that’s a noble act?”

“But father,” Giuseppe continued, “it’s worse than you might think.”

“In what way?” asked the priest.

“She repaid me with s*xual favours,” said Giuseppe, somewhat embarrassed.

“In wartime,” the priest responded, “people act in ways they wouldn’t do in peacetime. If you’re truly sorry for your actions, then you’re forgiven.”

“Thank you,” said Giuseppe, “that’s a great weight off my mind. But Father, may I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course,” the priest responded.

Giuseppe paused momentarily and then said, “Should I tell her that the war is over?”

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6. Jack the cowboy

Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day, as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch, a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances toward him, creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops, and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie. He steps out of the car and says to the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?“

Jack looks at the man, who’s obviously a yuppie, he then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and responds calmly, “Sure, why not?“

The yuppie then whips out a very impressive iPhone Pro smartphone from his jacket pocket and begins to surf the NASA website. Simultaneously, he uses the GPS satellite to get the exact coordinates of his location. He then feeds that back to Google Earth to capture a high-resolution image of this location.

The young man then opens the digital image in Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Langley, Virginia.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his iPhone Pro to confirm that the image has been processed and the data captured and stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC-connected Excel spreadsheet and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he uses an AirPrint printer located in his car to print out a full-colour, 150-page report. He then turns to Jack, hands him the report and says, “Sir, you’ll see from the Executive Summary that you have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.“

“That’s right,” says Jack. “I guess you can take one of my calves.“

Jack then watches with amusement as the young man struggles to get the animal into the trunk of his car.

After a minute or two, Jack says to the guy, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me my calf back?“

The young man thinks for a second, and then he says, “Sure, why not?”

“You’re a Congressman for the US Government“, says Jack.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?“

“No guessing required, son,” Jack responded. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to be paid for an answer I already know; to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying to show me how smart you are, and you don’t know a thing about how ordinary working people make a living, or about cows, for that matter. If you did, you’d know that this herd is actually a flock of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”

Phil Sutton

7. The old Native American and a $500 loan 

An old Native American man visits a bank seeking a loan.

The banker welcomes him and then says that a loan application form must be completed. So he takes a loan application form from his desk drawer and begins to question the old man.

“So, what are you going to do with the money?” he asks the man.

“Buy silver, make jewellery, then sell it,” the man responded.

“And what have you got for collateral?” asked the banker.

“Don’t know collateral,” replied the old man

“Well, that’s something of value that you provide us with to cover the cost of the loan if you fail to repay,” said the banker. “For instance, have you got any vehicles?“

“Yes. 1979 Chevy pickup,” replied the old man

The banker shook his head, “No, that won’t do, I’m afraid. How about livestock?“

“Yes, I have a horse,” replied the old man.

“How old is it?” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know, has no teeth,” replies the old man.

The conversation went on like this for a while, but eventually, the banker decided to grant the $500 loan to the old man.

Several weeks later, the old man returns to the bank.

He pulls out a large roll of $100 bills from his pocket, “Here to pay,” he says.

He then hands the banker $500 in $100 bills to repay his loan.

“Business has been good, I can see,” says the banker. “What are you going to do with the rest of that money?“

“Keep it close to me,” the old man responded.

“Why don’t you just deposit it in my bank?” the banker enquired.

“Don’t know deposit,” replied the old man

“Well, you just put the money in our bank, and we take care of it for you. Whenever you want to use it, you can withdraw it,” the banker responded.

The old Native American man leans across the desk, looks the banker in the eye and asks, “What you got for collateral?“

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So did these short story jokes prove to be as funny as you’d hoped read reader?

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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5 funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues

12/13/2025 by

If you’re looking for some funny stories to tell your friends and colleagues, then here are five that might just bring a smile to your face.

I’ve tried them on a few friends, and they all laughed out loud.

So I hope they make you smile too.

Enjoy them all.

funny stories to tell
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Funny stories to tell:

1. The Psychiatrist:

Now I hate to admit this, but ever since I was a child, I’ve had a fear that someone is under my bed at night.

My condition got so bad that I made an appointment to see a psychiatrist, and I explained my problem to her.

I was quite honest with her, and I just said, “Every time I go to bed, I fear that someone is hiding under it. I’m really scared, and I think I’m going crazy.”

“I can help you,” she said. “If you put yourself in my hands for about a year, I can help you overcome your problem.”

“What do I have to do?” I asked.

“Well,” said the psychiatrist, “if you come here for therapy three times a week for about a year, we should be able to help you get rid of your fears.”

“How much do you charge?” I asked, naturally.

“For each visit, the fee is $100.” The psychiatrist replied.

That needed a little thought, so I said, “Look, I think I’ll sleep on it, and I’ll come back to you if necessary.“

Six months later, as I’m walking down Main Street, I bump into the psychiatrist, and she remembers me.

“You didn’t come back to see me about those fears you were having,” she said.

“Well,” I responded, “when I left your office that day, I went into a bar for a drink, to think it over. I was explaining the situation to the bartender, and when I told him how much it would cost, he said he could offer me a solution that was guaranteed for $10.”

“Really?” said the psychiatrist, sounding more than a little irritated. “And how, may I ask, was your bartender able to resolve a complex psychological problem for just $10?”

“He told me to cut the legs off my bed,” I said. “I did, and no one can get under there now.”

2. The wealthy widower:

At 70 years old, Frank was now an extremely wealthy widower.

One day, Frank arrived at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful young woman who was just 25 years old.

This young lady was absolutely stunning, and she had it all. Good looks, personal charm, and perfect manners, and she hung on Frank’s arm, listening to his every word intently.

Well, Frank’s buddies were both impressed and more than a little jealous.

They were all muttering to each other and wondering how Frank was able to date such an amazing woman.

At the first opportunity, Frank’s buddy Jim corners him and asks, “Hey Frank, how did you get yourself such an attractive girlfriend?”

“She isn’t my girlfriend,” Frank responds. “She’s my wife.”

Jim can’t believe it, but he needs to know the secret of Frank’s success.

“That’s amazing,” says Jim, “but how did you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age,” says Frank.

Jim laughs out loud and then says, “Really? I suppose you told her you were only 50 then?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” says Frank. “I told her I was 90, with a terminal illness.”

Phil Sutton

3. Tortoises picnic:

Three tortoises, Razzle, Tinker, and Jimbob, were old friends who hadn’t seen each other for some considerable time, so they decided to go on a picnic.

Razzle packs the picnic basket with all the delicious things tortoises like to eat, such as weeds, grasses, dandelions, clover, turnip greens, fruit, and vegetables. And they take some bottles of beer too.

Now their favourite picnic spot is over a mile away from where they live, so it takes them a week to get there.

When they finally arrive, Razzle unpacks the food and the beer.

As he’s doing this, he says casually to Jimbob, “Did you bring the bottle opener?”

“No,” says Jimbob, “I didn’t bring it.”

Razzle then turns to Tinker and says, “Did you bring the bottle opener?”

“No,” says Tinker, “I didn’t bring it.”

So, they’re a mile from home with no bottle opener.

Razzle and Tinker then try to persuade Jimbob that, as it was his job to bring the bottle opener, he should go back for it.

“If I go back,” says Jimbob, “it will take me a week to get there and a week to get back. While I’m gone, you two will eat all this delicious food.”

Razzle and Tinker promise him they won’t eat the food until he returns, and so, reluctantly, he agrees.

So, Jimbob heads off down the road.

Two weeks pass, but Jimbob hasn’t returned. By now, Razzle and Tinker are starving, but they’ve made a promise.

Another five days pass, and there’s still no sign of Jimbob, but they’ve made a promise.

After another three days, there’s still no sign of Jimbob, but Razzle and Tinker are now starving. So, they start eating the food.

At that moment, Jimbob suddenly appears from behind a large rock and shouts, “I knew you’d eat the food, so I’m not going!”

Saily eSIM

4. Seamus and his mule:

Seamus was an old Irish farmer whose wife would nag him continuously.

She would be giving him grief constantly, from morning to night and was always complaining about something.

The only time Seamus got any peace was when he was out working in the fields with his old mule. Naturally, he spent as much time in the fields as he could with his best friend, the mule.

One day, when he was out ploughing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He guided the old mule into the shade, then sat down on a stump and began to eat his lunch.

From the moment he took his first bite, his wife began giving him grief again. He hadn’t done this, and he hadn’t done that, and all the problems in the world were his fault, or so it seemed.

Suddenly, the mule lashed out with both hind feet and caught her smack in the back of the head. She dropped to the floor and died.

The funeral took place 10 days later, and the priest quickly noticed something rather odd.

When women mourners approached Seamus, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement.

However, when men approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in apparent disagreement.

When expressing his own condolences to Seamus, the priest asked him about what he’d observed.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, Seamus, but I noticed when you spoke with women, you were nodding your head in agreement. Yet with men, you were shaking your head in disagreement. What was that all about?” The priest asked.

“Well, father,” said Seamus, “the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so naturally, I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the priest asked.

“Oh,” said Seamus, “they just wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

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5. The Pastor:

One Sunday morning after the church service, and whilst counting the money from the weekly offering, the pastor found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

Surprised though he was, he thought little of it and just accepted this generous donation gratefully.

However, the following week, the same thing happened again. This time, the pastor was naturally curious.

So, the following Sunday, the pastor watched closely as the offering was being collected. As he observed the proceedings, he noticed an elderly woman put a pink envelope on the plate.

Unsure what to do, the pastor continued to observe proceedings each Sunday over several weeks. And each week the same thing happened.

The pastor couldn’t contain his curiosity anymore, and one Sunday he decided to speak with the woman.

“Excuse me, mam,” said the pastor, “I couldn’t help but notice that each week you put $1,000 in the collection plate.”

“Why yes, Reverend,” the elderly lady replied. “Every week, my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”

“That’s wonderful mam and very generous of you,” the pastor replied. “However, a thousand dollars is a lot of money. Can you afford this? I mean, how much does he send you?”

“He’s a really good son, and he sends me $10,000 every week,” the old lady responded.

“Wow!” said the pastor, truly amazed. “Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?”

“He’s a veterinarian,” she said.

“Well now, that’s certainly an important profession,” said the pastor. “However, I had no idea it was so well paid. Where does he practise?”

The old lady smiled and said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses. One’s in Las Vegas, and one’s in Reno.”

Phil Sutton

Please share this post with your friends:

They were shared for laughs, but did any of these funny stories to tell really make you smile? I do hope so.

Perhaps you feel that you could still use a good laugh?

If so, then please click on the links below. I’m confident that you’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you did enjoy what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins.

It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blogger to reach a wider audience.

Thank you.

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh

12/10/2025 by
7 seriously funny jokes

We all need a good laugh every day. So here are 7 seriously funny jokes guaranteed to make you laugh. You’ll enjoy them all, I’m sure.

Take a few moments, relax, and enjoy them all. Feel free to share them with your friends.

SERIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Seriously funny jokes:

1. The storm:

Navy admiral Jim Lorenzo and Army general Mike Cunningham were fishing together on a lake when a storm blew up, and their boat capsized.

Both men were left floundering helplessly in the water momentarily.

Eventually, the general managed to right the boat and clamber onto it.

General Cunningham then extended an oar out to Admiral Lorenzo, getting him to hang on to it, pulling him in, and thereby saving him from almost certain drowning.

As the admiral was dragged into the boat, he puffed, “Please don’t say a word to anyone about this. If the Navy knew I couldn’t swim, I’d be disgraced.”

“Don’t worry,” said General Cunningham, “your secret’s safe with me, buddy. I’d hate my men to find out that I couldn’t walk on water either.”

2. Chicken in the library:

A chicken walked into a public library, marched up to the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

So the librarian handed the bird a book, the chicken accepted it, and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, threw the book on the desk, and said, “Book, book, book, book.”

Once again, the librarian handed the chicken another book, the chicken accepted it and then left.

Ten minutes later, the chicken was back again. Once again, it marched up to the librarian, threw the book on the desk, and then said, “Book, book, book, book.”

The librarian handed the chicken a third book, but this time she decided to follow the bird.

She watched the chicken hurry down the street and stop at a pond just off Main Street, where there was a frog sitting on a lily pad.

The chicken showed the book to the frog, but the frog just shook its head and said, “Read it, read it, read it, read it.”

3. Nine Steps to fitness for the over 60s:

  1. Stand on a firm surface, where there’s plenty of room on each side of you.
  2. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there for as long as you can.
  3. Try to hold this position for a full minute, if possible, then relax.
  4. Each day, hold your arms in position for a few seconds longer each time.
  5. When you can achieve two full minutes, change to 10-lb potato bags.
  6. Repeat the process until you achieve two full minutes again.
  7. Then try 50-lb potato bags and repeat the process.
  8. Eventually, try to lift 100-lb potato bags and repeat the process until you can hold the position for two minutes.
  9. Once you’re confident holding 100-lb bags, try the exercise again with a potato in each bag.
Saily eSIM

4. Teaching psychology:

The teacher welcomed his new English Literature class at the beginning of the academic year and then said, “This year, we will be studying ‘The Canterbury Tales’ by Chaucer.“

He allowed a few moments for the students to reflect on his comment.

“Now, one thing I must tell you,” the teacher continued, “in anticipation of a question I’m always asked, we will not be including ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale.”

“Why not?” asked a student at the front of the class.

“Because,” the teacher responded in an obviously disapproving manner, “The Nun’s Priest’s Tale is lascivious, licentious, and utterly improper, especially for students of your age. So, please open your copies to the General Prologue, and we’ll begin with that.“

At the next lesson, the teacher welcomed the class again and then said, “Right, students. Please open your copy of “The Canterbury Tales’ at ‘The Nun’s Priest’s Tale’. I am sure you will all have read this by now.“

Moral of the Story: Never underestimate teachers. They know how to get students to do what is necessary to achieve their grades.

5. Seeking help:

In a little village in the far north of Scotland, an elderly widow was living on her own, struggling to get by with just a small State pension for income.

A very cold, hard winter had been forecast, and, naturally, the old lady was worried that she wouldn’t be able to pay her heating bill, with gas becoming so expensive.

She had no family left, she was completely alone and had no one else able to help her.

So, she turned to God for help.

She decided to write a letter to God, in which she said, “Dear God, You’ll know that I’m on my own now since my late husband Jack died, and you’ll also know that I have very little income. In your endless mercy, can you please send me £150 to pay my winter gas bill to help me survive by warming my little house during the bitterly cold winter nights ahead?”

Not having an address, the old lady simply addressed the envelope “To God” and then dropped it into her local post box.

The following morning, the letter arrived in the local postal sorting office and, on seeing the address, the postal workers were unsure where to send it.

So, the supervisor opened the letter for more information, and on reading it, he felt genuine sympathy for this poor widow.

Being a decent man, he decided he would do something to help her.

So, he called all his colleagues together, explained this poor woman’s predicament, and requested they all dig deep into their pockets to raise money to help her.

This collection raised a total of £130, which was close enough, so the supervisor put the money into an envelope with a letter explaining that he hoped it would help her. The letter was signed “God” and addressed to the old lady.

A few days later, another letter addressed to God arrived at the postal sorting office.

The supervisor gathered his colleagues together before opening it, thinking the old lady would be conveying her gratitude.

It was not quite what they expected. It read, “Dear God, Thank you for the money. It was truly appreciated. However, you should be aware that those thieves in the postal sorting office had stolen £20 from the envelope.”

6. Priorities change:

Jack has been stranded on a small desert island for 10 years.

One day, he’s sitting on the beach, staring into the distance, when he spots something on the horizon.

He’s not quite sure what it is, because it’s not large and clearly not a boat or ship.

Nevertheless, he watches as it gets closer, until emerging from the surf is a beautiful blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She walks up onto the beach, as Jack watches in amazement.

He’s struggling to compute the evidence before his eyes as the woman says to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?“

“It’s been 10 years,” Jack responds.

With that, the woman unzips a waterproof pocket in her wetsuit and pulls out a fine Cuban cigar.

Jack puts it in his mouth, and she lights it for him. He takes a long drag, exhales, and then says, “Wow! That’s good!”

She smiles and then asks, “How long has it been since you last had a glass of the finest Scotch?”

Once again, Jack says, “It’s been 10 years.”

The woman unzips another waterproof pocket in her wetsuit and pulls out a hip flask containing the finest 15-year-old Glenmorangie single malt whisky. She hands Jack the flask to take a swig.

“Oh, my,” says Jack, as he enjoys a swig, “that’s really good.”

At this point, the woman starts unzipping the front of her wetsuit provocatively. As she’s doing so, she looks at him seductively and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve really had some fun?“

“Oh, my lord,” Jack responds, struggling to contain his excitement, “Don’t tell me you’ve brought a laptop with you as well?”

7. Unhappy sergeant:

Sergeant Wilson was appalled to discover that ten of his men were late arriving back at camp following their leave.

As he waited impatiently at the camp gates, one of his men finally ran up to him, panting heavily.

“Sorry, sir, I can explain,” said the soldier.

“Soldier, this better be good,” responded his sergeant.

So the soldier told Sergeant Wilson his story, “Sir, you see, I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab, but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse, but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles, but I am here now.”

Sergeant Wilson was sceptical about the soldier’s explanation, but at least he’d made it back to camp. The sergeant thought about it momentarily and then decided he’d let the soldier off this time.

A couple of minutes later, eight more of Sergeant Wilson’s men ran up to the camp gates, panting heavily. The sergeant demanded explanations for why they were all late, and each of them told the same story.

“Sorry, sir, you see I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab, but it broke down. I managed to find a farm where I bought a horse, but it dropped dead on me. In the end, I had to run 10 miles, but I am here now,” each soldier repeated in turn.

Sergeant Wilson eyed them all suspiciously, but since he’d decided to be lenient with the first soldier, he decided that it would only be fair to excuse them, too.

A few minutes later, the tenth and final soldier came running up to the camp gates, panting heavily.

“And where have you been?” snapped Sergeant Wilson.

The soldier quickly responded, “Sorry, sir, you see I had a date, and it ran a little late. I ran to catch the bus, but I missed it. So I hailed a cab but….”

Sergeant Wilson interrupted him immediately, “Let me guess, soldier. It broke down?”

“No, sir,” said the soldier, “There were so many dead horses on the road it took forever for the cab driver to find a way around them all.”

Saily eSIM

If you enjoyed these jokes, then please share them:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time dear reader?

If any of these seriously funny jokes made you laugh, then please share this post with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face, and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, please share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support, dear reader.

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Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All Rights Reserved.

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15 black humor jokes that’ll definitely make you laugh

12/05/2025 by

Today I am exploring black humor. That is, humor from the dark side.

If you’re like me, then you’ll need a good laugh every day. It is, after all, the best medicine, they say. If nothing else, it certainly relieves stress.

I love all forms of humor, even what I refer to as black humor, with a slightly darker edge.

Some people find this type of humor a little distasteful, but personally, I think it can still be very funny.

Here are 15 black humor jokes that I think will definitely make you laugh. Well, some of them will make you smile at least.

None of these jokes is too distasteful, so I hope they will appeal to everyone. If they don’t appeal to you, dear reader, then I will endeavour to offer something more in line with your preferences next time.

For those who like humor with a darker edge, enjoy!

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Black Humor Jokes (Part 1):

  • Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?
  • Patient: The good news, please.
  • Doctor: I’ve got the diagnosis for your illness. Unfortunately, it suggests you have only two days to live.
  • Patient: So what’s the bad news then?”
  • Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you for two days.
  • Today really has been a terrible day.
  • First, my wife gets hit by a bus.
  • Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • The doctor gave me one year to live.
  • So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
  • The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
  • Wow, honey, I never thought our son would go that far.
  • Yes, isn’t this catapult amazing? Quick, get our daughter!
  • Girl: So, what do you do?
  • Boy: I work with animals every day.
  • Girl: Oh, that’s so sweet! What exactly do you do?
  • Boy: I’m a butcher.
  • What do you call a dog with no legs?
  • Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come to you anyway.
Saily eSIM

Black Humor Jokes (Part 2):

  • Fred walks into a shop and sees a nice looking dog.
  • Does your dog bite? Fred says to the shop assistant.
  • No, my dog doesn’t bite, said the assistant.
  • Fred starts petting the dog but it attacks him viciously.
  • You said your dog doesn’t bite, said Fred.
  • He doesn’t. That isn’t my dog, said the assistant.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my father did.
  • Not screaming and yelling like the passengers on his bus.
  • They say the quickest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach.
  • Personally, I find a knife through the ribcage a lot quicker.
  • Finally, I got one of those roof-top boxes for the car.
  • It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.
  • I took my wife out for tea and biscuits. 
  • She wasn’t very happy about having to donate blood though.
  • Mom, I’m still having those sharp headaches!
  • Then don’t stand in front of the dartboard!
  • Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
  • To get to the second-hand shop.
  • A man awakens from a coma.
  • His wife is irritated and changes out of her black clothing.
  • I really can’t depend on you for anything, can I?
  • If I’m smiling, I’m probably thinking of doing something evil. 
  • If I’m laughing, I’ve already done it.

Please share this post with your friends:

So dear reader, was this post amusing and worth a few minutes of your time?

If any of these black humor jokes made you smile then please share them with your friends on social media.

When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

Put a smile on someone else’s face and you’ve done your good deed for the day. So go on, share now.

Then perhaps you’d like more laughs? Then just click on the links below.

Thank you for your support.

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

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6 funny stories that make you laugh until you cry

12/05/2025 by

If you enjoy stories that make you laugh until you cry, dear reader, then take a look at these I’ve got for you today. I’m confident that at least some of these will make you laugh.

So take a few moments to enjoy them all, and please, feel free to share them with your friends.

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Stories that make you laugh until you cry:

1. Patrick’s doppelgänger:

Mick is the bartender in a Dublin bar, and Patrick is sitting at the counter drinking. Suddenly, Patrick says to Mick, “You see that guy over there? Don’t you think he looks just like me?”

“Yes, he does,” says Mick, humouring him.

Patrick then walks over to his doppelgänger and says, “Excuse me, sir, but I couldn’t help noticing that you and I look so much alike.”

“You’re right, we really do look alike,” says the guy.

“Where are you from?” asks Patrick.

“I’m from Rathmines,” says the guy.

“Which street?” Patrick then asks.

“Mayo Abbey Street,” says the guy.

“Mayo Abbey Street?” says Patrick. “Now that’s incredible. That’s my street too. What number?”

“I live at 47,” the guy responds.

“47?” says Patrick. “I don’t believe it! Me too! What are your parents’ names?”

“Thomas and Bernadette,” says the guy.

“That’s unbelievable,” Patrick responds. “My parents have the same names.”

Just then, Mick’s colleague Jim arrives on shift.

“How’s it going, Mick?” says Jim. “Has there been much happening tonight?”

“Not really,” Mick responds. “Oh, except for the O’Donnell twins being drunk again.”

2. Pumping out the tank:

A C5 Galaxy military transport aircraft is being prepared for departure at a US Air Force base in Greenland.

The crew’s waiting for a truck to arrive so that the aircraft’s sewage tank can be pumped out.

Nothing’s going quite to plan, and the aircraft commander is growing impatient.

When the truck eventually shows up, the airman carrying out the pumping task on the tank is extremely slow and seems to take an age.

Eventually, the commander has had enough, and he snaps and threatens to punish the airman for being so slow.

“Sir, I have no stripes, it’s twenty-five below zero, I’m stationed in Greenland miles from civilization, and I’m pumping sewage,” the airman responds. “What could you possibly do that would punish me further?”

3. Communication breakdown:

Jim is 82 years old and hard of hearing. One day, he goes to his doctor for his annual physical.

A week after his physical, his doctor bumps into Jim on Main Street. Jim has a stunningly attractive young woman on his arm.

The doctor lets it pass, but the following day, he calls Jim and says, “Your companion yesterday was attractive, I must say, but do you really think you’re up to the physical demands that would come with such a relationship?”

“But, doc,” said Jim, “you said get a hot mama and be cheerful.”

“Now, that’s not what I said,” the doctor replied. “I said you’ve got a heart murmur, so be careful!”

Saily eSIM

4. Customer expectations:

I must complain about the customer service I’ve just experienced in my local store.

I probably shouldn’t name the store, for obvious legal reasons, but I bought something from there, and I paid cash for it. I took it home and discovered it failed to live up to all the promises I’d heard when the product was advertised on television.

Naturally, I took the product back and requested a refund.

Even though I still had the receipt, the cashier declined my request.

So, I requested a replacement instead, but again the cashier said “No!” in a manner that I thought was insensitive and lacking in empathy.

Well, I wasn’t going to give up without a fight, so I demanded to see the manager.

The manager arrived, and I explained that the product had not met my expectations, and therefore, I wanted a refund.

With a smirk on his face, the manager just said, “Sorry, buddy, but you’re out of luck. There’s no refund.”

“Well, how about a replacement?” I responded.

“There’s no replacement either,” he said, rather unsympathetically.

“Right,” I said, sharply, “you’ve lost my custom. I won’t be buying a lottery ticket here again!”

5. The artist:

An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in any of the paintings he currently has on display.

“Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you,” the owner replies.

“What’s the good news?” asks the artist.

“Well, a gentleman inquired about your work, and he asked me whether the paintings would appreciate in value after your death,” says the owner.

“Really?” inquires the artist.

“Yes, and when I told him they would, he bought all thirty of your paintings,” the owner continued.

“Wow, that’s fantastic news!” says the artist. “So what’s the bad news?”

“The gentleman said he was your doctor,” said the owner.

6. Be careful who you threaten:

Jack’s still driving, despite being 85 years old.

One day, he’s driving his Chevrolet Spark into town when he misjudges a turn and manages to bump into a very expensive Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren.

It is only a bump, but even minor fixes to expensive cars can cost thousands of dollars.

The wealthy guy in the Mercedes is not happy.

He jumps out and confronts Jack.

“Look what you’ve done to my car, old man!” exclaims the driver. “I want $5,000 for the repairs. I want it now, or I’ll have to beat it out of you.”

“Now just hold on there, buddy,” says Jack. “I don’t carry that much money, but let me call my grandson; he’s with Delta Airlines.”

Jack calls his grandson, but as he’s about to speak, the Mercedes driver grabs the phone from his hand and shouts, “So you’re with Delta Airlines? Well, you listen to me, trolley dolly, your grandad just damaged my car, so you’d better bring me $5,000 for the repairs, or I’m going to beat it out of him.”

Jack’s grandson responds politely, “Sir, give me 15 minutes, and I’ll be with you to sort this out.”

In exactly 15 minutes, Jack’s grandson pulls up in a Jeep accompanied by three other burly, tough-looking military guys. They all look like they could be Special Forces.

Well, the Mercedes driver is smart enough to recognise trouble when he sees it. So he jumps in his car and gets the hell out of there as quickly as he can.

With that, Jack’s grandson walks over to him and says, “Grandad, how many times must I tell you? I’m not with Delta Airlines. I’m with Delta Force!”

Saily eSIM

Please share with your friends:

So, for you, dear reader, did these prove to be funny stories that made you laugh until you cried?

I hope so. However, there are plenty more laughs for you if you click on the links below. You’ll find plenty of smiles to amuse you.

And if you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read today, please share this post with your friends on social media. When you share, everyone wins. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles.

If you could share it now, then I would be ever so grateful. You’d be helping a keen blogger reach a wider audience.

I appreciate your support, dear reader.

Articles you might enjoy:

DISCLAIMER: Post contains affiliate links; no additional charge to you; commissions support the cost of maintaining this website. I appreciate your support. Thank you.

© Mann Island Media Limited 2025. All rights reserved.

Filed Under: Funny Jokes Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

5 hilariously funny jokes that’ll tickle you silly

12/03/2025 by
5 hilariously funny jokes

Today, I offer you five hilariously funny jokes that will definitely tickle you, dear reader. Well, they certainly tickled me anyway. So take a moment or two to enjoy them all.

And please, feel free to pass them on.

HILARIOUSLY FUNNY JOKES
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Hilariously funny jokes:

1. Car trouble:

Jane was driving along Interstate 5 on her way to San Diego when her old car suddenly died on her. Naturally, she called out a local mechanic to help her.

The mechanic arrived and said, “Howdy mam, what seems to be the problem?”

“Well,” said Jane, “I was just driving along when suddenly I lost all power, and the car came to a complete standstill.”

“Now, let me just take a look for you mam,” said the mechanic.

At this point, he lifts the hood and gives the engine a cursory glance before whacking something very hard with a hammer.

“Try it now mam,” said the mechanic.

To Jane’s amazement, when she turned the key, the car burst into life again.

“That’s incredible!” said Jane. “You’ve been here for less than 30 seconds, and you’ve already got it going again. I’m very grateful. Thank you.”

“All part of the service mam!” the mechanic responded before adding, “That’ll be $250.”

Jane couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “How much?” she said. “How can it be $250 when all you did was hit something with a hammer?”

“Well mam,” said the mechanic, “I can produce an itemised bill if you like.”

“Yes, please,” said Jane, “you do that! It’ll make interesting reading.”

So the mechanic started tapping something into an iPad, and then he printed it out on a printer in his truck. He then handed Jane the bill. It read:

2. The new bus driver:

The new bus driver pulled his bus up at the bus stop, and on stepped a giant of a man who said to the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before walking off and taking his seat.

Well, Big John was aptly named; he really was a monster of a man, and the driver was small and skinny, so he figured that a confrontation with Big John might not end well. Not for him anyway. So he let it go.

The next day, the same thing happened. The bus stopped, Big John got on, and once again he told the driver, “Big John don’t pay!” before going straight to his seat.

Again, the new driver was reluctant to challenge him because of his size.

Well, this became a daily occurrence, and increasingly the new bus driver began to resent being afraid of Big John.

So he decided to sign up for a bodybuilding class at his local gym. He figured that if he was more muscular, he’d be equipped to challenge Big John and force him to pay the fare. This became an obsession with him, and he worked hard on it.

Before long, the bus driver had rippling muscles where once there had only been skin and bone. And as his physical appearance became more impressive, the driver felt confident and ready to confront Big John the next time he got on his bus.

Sure enough, at the usual stop, onto the bus stepped Big John, with his usual declaration, “Big John don’t pay!”

“Now just hold it there, fella!” said the driver, ready and waiting for a confrontation. “And just why don’t Big John pay?”

Well, the situation was tense for a moment as Big John reached into his pocket, and the driver began to wonder whether he’d done the right thing after all.

Then Big John smiled as he withdrew his hand from his pocket and said, “Because I’ve got this bus pass!”

3. Taking a mistress:

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer nerd were discussing the merits of having a mistress.

“A mistress has energy and passion,” said the artist. “And there’s always the thrill of doing something that’s forbidden.”

“Well,” said the lawyer, “I must warn you that it could lead to a costly divorce and, in the worst case, bankruptcy. You’d have to ask yourself, is it worth it?”

“Well, I think taking a mistress was the best decision I’ve ever made,” said the computer nerd.

“Why?” asked the lawyer.

“Because my wife thinks I’m with my mistress, and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife,” the computer nerd responded with a smile. “So, I get to spend every night in peace on my computer!”

Saily eSIM

4. Keeping a secret:

A group of dinner party guests were discussing whether men or women are more trustworthy.

Jack, a very opinionated older man, said bluntly, “Well, no woman can keep a secret.”

“That’s not true!” said Jane, a pretty, young blond sitting next to him.

“So, give me an example of when you’ve kept a secret then,” Jack responded.

“Well,” said Jane, “I’ve kept my age totally secret since I was 21.”

“Maybe,” said Jack, “but one day you’ll let it slip. You won’t be able to keep it secret forever.”

“I disagree,” Jane responded. “If I’ve managed to keep it secret for 15 years, then why couldn’t I keep it secret forever?”

5. Native American Chief:

Bill was studying for a Master’s Degree in American Studies at the University of London. He loved American culture, so naturally, he was a regular traveller to the USA. In particular, he liked getting to know real America beyond the obvious tourist destinations.

On one trip, he was staying in a hotel in Cheyenne, Wyoming, when he saw an old Native American chief in full Native dress sitting in the lobby.

“Wow, who’s that?” Bill asked the desk clerk.

“Oh, that’s Chief Elephant’s Memory,” the clerk responded.

“Why’s he called Chief Elephant’s Memory?” asked Bill.

“Because he’s 93 and he still has the most amazing memory. He never forgets anything,” said the clerk. “You might not believe this, but he can actually remember every single detail of his life with immediate recall.”

“Really?” Bill said, intrigued by what he was being told.

So Bill walked up to the chief and said, “Hi there, I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve heard you have the most amazing memory. They say you can remember every detail of your life. Can you tell me what you had for breakfast on your eighteenth birthday?”

“Eggs,” replied the Chief quietly.

Bill was amazed at this response, but as he walked away, the desk clerk called him over and said, “Hey buddy, when you speak to one of our Native Americans, you don’t say ‘Hi there’, it’s common courtesy to address them by saying, ‘How!’”

Bill thanked the clerk for putting him right and promised he’d remember that next time.

One year later, Bill’s back in Cheyenne again. He’s in the same hotel when he spots the same old Native American chief sitting in the lobby.

Remembering the desk clerk’s advice from his previous visit, he walks up to the chief and says, “How!”

“Sunny-side up,” the Chief responded.

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7 short story jokes to brighten your day

11/29/2025 by

Short story jokes are fun; would you agree? So today I offer you 7 short story jokes to brighten your day.

I hope you enjoy them all.

Take a moment to laugh, and then please pass them on.

SHORT STORY JOKES
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Short Story Jokes:

1. Gimme a beer:

A man walks into a bar in Downtown Manhattan and says to the bartender, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

The man then downs the beer in one before asking the bartender for another, once again saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

Naturally, the bartender is a little wary of this guy, but he pours him another beer nevertheless.

This goes on for a while, each time with the guy saying, “Gimme a beer before the problems start!“

After the fifth beer, the bartender is really becoming bewildered by this guy’s approach, so he asks, “Hey buddy, when are you going to pay for all these beers?“

The sighs and says, “This is where the problems start!“

2. Twin boys:

A young woman has twin boys, but is forced sadly to give them up for adoption.

One boy is adopted by a family in Morocco, and they name him Amal.

The other boy goes to a family in Spain, and they name him Juan.

Many years later, the woman receives a letter from Juan, which includes a recent photograph of him.

As she’s looking at the photograph, the woman says tearfully to her husband, “Oh, how I wish I had a photograph of Amal too.”

Slightly bewildered, the husband thinks momentarily and then says, ”They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.”

3. There’s always one:

A bus full of passengers crashes on an icy road and bursts into flames. Sadly, everyone on the bus is killed instantly in the crash.

When they all arrive at the Pearly Gates, the passengers are met by God, which is an unusual precedent, but these were tragic circumstances, so the situation is well above St Peter’s pay grade.

As the passengers form an orderly queue, God says, “Since you all died in such a tragic way, I’m here to grant each of you one wish before you enter the Kingdom of Heaven.“

The woman at the head of the line’s obviously concerned about her looks, and she says to God, “I wish to be beautiful.“

God smiles, grants the wish, and instantly she is gorgeous.

The next woman hesitates momentarily, but then she decides to wish for the same thing.

Once again, God smiles, grants the wish, and instantly, she is also beautiful.

Whilst all this is going on, a guy at the back of the queue starts to laugh.

Two more women, on seeing how beautiful their two fellow passengers have become, also wish to become beautiful.

God smiles again; their wishes are granted, and they, too, are now beautiful.

By now, the guy at the end of the line is laughing even louder.

Nevertheless, one after another, the deceased passengers all request the same wish.

However, with each wish granted, the guy at the end of the line seems to laugh even harder.

Finally, it’s this guy’s turn to request his wish when God asks, “My son, what’s your wish?”

To which the guy responds, “Make them all ugly again!“

Moral of the Story: There’s always someone determined to ruin it for everyone else.

Saily eSIM

4. Recreating a miracle:

A priest walks into a bar, orders a pint of water, and then sits down to drink it in complete silence.

After a while, he orders another pint of water and drinks it in one go.

Then he orders another pint, drinks it, then another, and so on.

Eventually, he’s consumed 10 pints of water, and he’s starting to look a little unwell.

“Look, Father,” says the bartender, “I can’t stop you from drinking all this water, but is it wise? Drinking so much of it is clearly making you unwell.”

The priest looks up from his latest pint of water and says, “I’m on a mission to prove that with the power of prayer and God’s blessing, we can recreate Jesus’ great miracle of turning water into wine. Until it happens, I must continue.”

“Father, you have my sympathy,” says the bartender.

“It could be a lot worse,” says the priest, as he points to another priest who is slumped unconscious at another table.

“Jeez!” says the bartender. “What’s happened to him?”

“Well,” the priest responded, “his mission is to turn wine into water.”

5. Living forever:

A guy goes to see his doctor and asks what he needs to do to live forever.

His doctor looks him in the eye and says, “If you want to live forever, you’ll need to make some lifestyle changes.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “just tell me what I need to do.”

“Well, first you’ll need to eliminate all sugar and white flour from your diet,” says his doctor.

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all stimulants, including caffeine, alcohol, and nicotine.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all fried food from your diet, including French fries and potato chips.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all red meat and rich food from your diet.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “I can do that. Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to stop socialising and partying and go to bed at 8 pm every evening.”

“OK, Doc,” says the guy, “Anything else?”

“Yes,” the doctor responds. “You’ll need to eliminate all sexual activity from your life.”

The guy’s starting to look a little deflated as he asks his last question.

“So, Doc,” says the guy, “if I do all these things, will I live forever, yes?”

“Well,” says the doctor, “it’ll definitely feel like forever.”

6. The problem with getting old:

An 85-year-old man was asked by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.“

The next day, the old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as it had been on the previous day.

Naturally, the doctor inquired as to what happened.

“Well, doctor,” the old man explained, “it was like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, and still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, but still nothing. We even called up Maggie, the lady next door. She tried with both hands, followed by her armpit. She even tried squeezing it between her knees. However, still nothing.“

Looking shocked, the doctor said, “You asked a neighbour?“

Looking slightly surprised, the old man says, “Yes, but none of us could get the lid off the jar.“

7. Swapping places:

One day, Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Now, Einstein’s driver To,m looked remarkably like him, a fact of which Einstein was well aware.

In the car, on the way to the conference, Einstein said, “You know, Tom, I’m sick of speaking at conferences. I just say the same things over and over!“

Tom smiled and said, “You’re right. I’ve attended all of them with you, and even though I’m not a scientist, I’m sure I could give the conference in your place.“

“Now that’s a great idea, Tom!” said Einstein. “Let’s switch places.“

So they immediately switch clothes; Einstein hands Tom his notes, and when they arrive at the conference, Tom goes on stage, and he starts giving the speech.

Meanwhile, dressed in the driver’s uniform, Einstein sits at the side of the stage.

Unfortunately, lurking in the audience is one scientist who is determined to impress everyone by asking a difficult question he hopes Einstein will not be able to answer.

When he gets his chance, this guy seizes the moment and interrupts the conference with his very difficult question.

It’s a real curveball, and the audience knows it. The whole room is silent, holding their breath, waiting for Einstein’s response. You could hear a pin drop.

However, Tom has been around the block a few times, and he wasn’t easily fazed.

He looked the guy dead in the eye, smiled at him, and said, “Sir, to demonstrate how easy it is to answer your question, I will let my driver reply to it for me.“

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